This podcast is offered by San Francisco's Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. And for those of you who are here for the first time, welcome. And for those of you who are here for... the manyth time, notice the dramatic difference. I've shifted from there to here. Yes. Everything changes. You know, several people have been saying to me, well, can I talk to you before you leave? You know, because last week... I stepped down as Abbot and Christina stepped up as Abbot.

[01:03]

And she'll now sit there. And I'll sit here. And I thought, oh, well, I should give a talk because in some ways everything will be different and then in other ways it won't. And I want to talk about that today and I wanted to talk about... changes what changes and what doesn't change in some ways you could say in Zen we try to get in touch with something so fundamental that it sustains presence and connection throughout all the changes of our lives laughter laughter I was thinking, if you had a whole repertoire of those, you know, you could... I thought it worked great.

[02:17]

You know, and then I'd say something else, and then you'd like... So this notion of continuity amidst change. William Stafford wrote a poem that, to my mind, expresses this. The way it is. There's a thread you follow. It goes among things that change. But it doesn't change. People wonder about what you're pursuing. You have to explain about the threat. But it's hard for others to see. While you hold it, you can't get lost. Tragedies happen, people get hurt or die, and you suffer and get out.

[03:21]

Nothing you can do can stop times unfolding. but you never let go of the thread. I think this speaks a lot of our practice. Maybe you let go of you, and maybe you let go of something that's tangible and persistent called the thread, but there's a process of continuity. Some way of relating to life. Some way of generating connection, intimacy, appreciation, investigation. And it just so happens Buddhism has a list for this. And I just named it. It comes as a formulation called the five Buddha families.

[04:24]

presence, investigation, action, engagement, appreciation. And then within Buddhism, it covers the full range from everything from the process of meditation to the attributes, our psychology of the self, to how you engage, to... in your relationships to how you engage in the whole world. And I'd like to weave it in to just sharing with you my own process of transition. I've been Abbott for nine years. And as I said last week, I stopped being Abbott and Christina. started being abbots with wonderful ceremonies.

[05:28]

If you haven't been to one of these ceremonies, I'd encourage you to come. Of course, now they're being live-streamed, so you can either watch it while it happens or whenever you feel like it. In fact, you could still watch them. I think they're on our website. To me, I was very much struck by how both ceremonies sort of crystallize something. They take the process, the process of engagement that lasts for years. I was wondering and appreciating at my own ceremony, people who've known me through 30 years of practice standing up and saying something. Fortunately for me, they were in a good mood and they mostly made me relieved that I was stopping.

[06:35]

And of course we all know that being with someone, practicing with someone, living with someone, either family or friend or partner, it's almost impossible to characterize it simply, you know, after 30 years. So why not say something positive? Why not accentuate what has come forward that has taught you, that has supported you, that has inspired you, that has nourished you? And within this teaching of the five attributes, this notion, this realization that we're all capable of getting stuck, we're all capable of regression into a small, frightened, argumentative, confused place.

[07:49]

And very interestingly, we're all capable of an expansive, thoughtful, appreciative, caring way of being. And Buddhism, as with many traditions, teach that when we're in one, there were grasped, frightened, argumentative, fearful place, anxious. Our basic traits come forward in one way. And then with the other one, the very same traits come forward in another way. One of the challenges of practice is watching. Watching and discovering how to be skillful. When I'm in that frightened, argumentative place, how do I hold it with compassion and patience?

[08:52]

And how do I let go into that expansive place, that place that knows everything changes, that knows that we never know what's coming next, but letting go into it, engaging it with a curiosity, with a sense of discovery, with a willingness to be involved, brings forth something that supports life. So staying attuned in that way to your own being. And staying attuned to others. It's much easier to be patient with someone when we recognize, okay, now they're having a hard time. Now they're really struggling with the difficulties of their life.

[09:58]

And this is how it's manifesting. They're getting angry. They're looking at me and saying, it's your fault. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be having problems. But it's held with that expansive mind. It's like, oh, the human condition is manifesting. They're in that contracted place and they're suffering and they're struggling. I don't have to take it personally. Not to say there isn't an element of truth in what they're saying, but this way, negative way of characterizing it is infused and shaped by their disposition at this moment. And this is not all who they are.

[11:01]

And similarly with ourselves. And I think transitions are a wonderful opportunity to watch that. How am I... What is this transition bringing up? Is there trepidation? Is there anxiety? Will something precious be lost? Or is there excitement? Something wonderful is going to happen. Some way I've been held back is going to fall away and the opportunity to expand, to express, is going to be more so. And just to watch that.

[12:03]

So that's part of what I've been watching in myself. Someone stopped me as I was walking across the street this morning, and they said, in relationship to stepping down as Abbot, they said, You look happier. And I said, I think I'm inclined towards irrational optimism. I'm always stimulated positively when I see a sunrise. I always get the notion... when I see a sunrise, this is going to be a good day. How do I know how it's going to be? That's how it occurs to me. So watching myself, what happens?

[13:12]

What kind of projections? What kind of assessments? And What kind of concerns? So far, I've managed to convince myself this is going to be great. All sorts of wonderful things are going to happen. And any difficulties or problems I had in the past, they're over. Or most of them. So this deeply sane part of ourself. This is the first Buddha family. It just looks and says, is that so? The term in Buddhism is called suchness. It just acknowledges things exactly as they are.

[14:17]

Is that so? That appears to be how my mind and emotions are relating to this. It's neither good nor bad. It just is how it is. Maybe now I'll cling to expectations and very soon start to be frustrated and disappointed. Or maybe that sense of spaciousness and appreciation will help me in whatever comes up see the positive in it. But that Buddha mind Is that so? That aspect of zazen of just noticing what is. Sometimes we call it big mind. Psychologically we could call it when you're not caught up in your ways of getting stuck.

[15:24]

Where your psychological agenda is in their negative aspect. in their defending, in their grasping, are dominant. Yeah? Hmm. Kind of spacious, simple acknowledgement. Is that so? So just watch it myself. Is that so? Hmm. Honestly relieved. that my mind seems to be more inclined towards optimism than pessimism. I'm appreciative that that seems to be my tendency. But not all the time. And it's not the only tendency. And then the second characteristic, the second Buddhist field, the second aspect of involvement is investigation.

[16:35]

The suchness gives us spaciousness, gives us a kind of acceptance. But then it can go from spaciousness to spacing. It can go from non-attachment to kind of diffuse vagueness. So investigation. So that disposition comes up and how does it color what happens? What kind of anticipations does it create? Are there ways in which it can become self-centered? How does it influence how you relate to others? Investigation.

[17:38]

Exploration. You know, Dogen Zengi said, to study the ways to study the self. And maybe we could add, to study the self... into the study, the interrelatedness, you know? And this is one of the things you learn at Zen Center, you know? Christina was saying to me yesterday, well, could you move from here to this? Could you move what you do here to this day? And I said, oh, well, see, I do it this day, and that affects these other people. So I need to check with them. And of course, she totally understood, because she knows... The web of connection we have at Zen Center. But we all have a web of connection. I would say we study the self, but we study the self in relation. In relation to the people you live with, the people you work with, your family, your friends.

[18:44]

They've got to put up with you. They've got to live with you too. An investigation brings a kind of brightness to mind. When you notice the particular detail. And usually our mind wants to draw conclusions. And part of the training of Zazen is have working hypotheses. Given the information I have, I'm surmising this. Let's see how that plays out. Conclusions about yourself, conclusions about others.

[19:47]

this aspect of beginner's mind that's open to discovery, that's curious. Okay, that's how I feel now as I start this transition. Let's see how it is in a month. Will the sense of novelty, this slight change or big change in routine, one of the things I've said to myself, in this coming time, I need to make space to lose my bearings, to get out of my comfort zone, and maybe flounder in an uncomfortable way. And part of the request of practice is that...

[20:53]

this thread that we stay true to in Wallace Stafford's poem. It's about supporting awakening rather than getting what we want. In a way, this is the fierce aspect of practice. And we come to practice, most of us, because we're suffering. And we'd like to dearly to suffer less. And that in itself is a powerful realization. It's quite an accomplishment to realize your suffering and that you'd like to work on suffering less and being happier more. And as we engage that, we discover the ways we suffer, we discover what it is to suffer less, but also we discover that there is a path that's asking us to stay true to it which isn't always comfortable and convenient.

[22:11]

So I've been saying to myself, oh, there needs to be some time where there is a space that's unfamiliar, maybe even uncomfortable in its newness, maybe even lacking the assurance and reassurance of the familiar. Maybe I'll flounder and feel uncertain. Actually, right now, in the abstract, I think, hmm, that'll be interesting. Although, of course, if it comes to be, and I'm in the middle of it, I may very well regret it. I remember last year, I was teaching with a poet, Naomi Shihab Knight, and she told me,

[23:24]

someone I respect a great deal. That every day, she makes a point of every day of doing something different that she's never done before. And I remember at the time being both intrigued and exhilarated and slightly frightened by that notion. the part of me that likes the familiar. I like that every morning I get up, walk across the street, and go to Zazen. I could almost do it with my eyes closed. Hmm. Maybe I should try that. Well, that supports a certain kind of intimacy, a certain kind of connectedness, a certain kind of belonging.

[24:41]

Part of the deficit can be is that we start to think and more particularly feel that this is a necessary requirement for belonging, a necessary requirement for intimacy. And really, practice is trying to teach us that to be a little trite about it, wherever you are, you belong right there. Whatever state of mind, whatever situation, whatever interaction, this is your life. This is what you are. This is what's happening. And so much, of course, so much of our mental and emotional activity is assessing and reacting to what's missing or what's wrong in that experience. So intimacy and opening to the intimate involvement in the moment is in the service of belonging and change is in the service of and you belong to the next moment and the next situation

[26:03]

and the next state of mind, and the next emotion, this is the thread that flows through it all. And it starts with presence. It's supported by investigation. And then the third characteristic is action. So I had to change offices. And I think almost comically I had to move my office from here about 15 feet around the corner to here. But it's a big deal to change your office after nine years. The embarrassing accumulation of books and papers and It's a little bit like an archaeological dig, you know?

[27:09]

What is that? Oh, I remember. But why did I keep it this long? And now that I've discovered it, should I store it away as a treasure or should I toss it or give it to somebody else? So the movement The action. The doing of our life. Of moving office. Of moving from one place to another. Of taking something apart. Draws us into it. It makes an opening. It makes a way to engage. A way to rediscover. And so we sit and we cultivate presence and stillness and something is aligned.

[28:17]

Some kind of spacious presence. Is that so? Not that it's serene. Not that it's in utter harmony with all existence. It is what it is. And we investigate it and something starts to be discovered. And then we take it into action. Because we're living a life in which every now and then, if we're lucky, we move office. And if we're unlucky, the office just disappears. And we have to recreate some new way of being. So I took the office apart and I moved it around and put it back together. And of course, in one space it looked like this, and in the next space it looked like this.

[29:34]

the physical activity creates physical involvement, picking things up, moving them. Activity also creates intimacy. In one sense, intimacy is about receptivity for what's happening. And then in another sense, it's about picking it up and doing something with it. How far can you throw it? And something's uncovered. And some way of engaging is brought forth. And out of the doing comes the capacity, the opportunity for relatedness.

[30:49]

You pick up a book. You feel its weight. You feel what it's like to hold it. You talk to a person. You watch their emotions flicker through their face. what they choose to talk about, the adjectives with which they color it, how it affects the body as they talk about what it is that's coming forth. All these things that arise in engagement when we live the life we're living. So in some ways we could say spacious presence and then re-entering the life.

[31:57]

In a broader perspective, we engage this existential equation of suffering and happiness. Hoping. Someone described it to me recently, which I thought was very insightful and very common. He said, but I wanted to get over-suffering into some place where it was easy to be happy. Couldn't I just practice sort of like get rid of the bad parts of myself and just enjoy the good parts? Not quite. Because don't forget, you have to do that to all your relationships, our society, our environment, and the very process of growing old and dying.

[33:02]

But this existential equation of moving from suffering to happiness they're in the background. So when we enter our life, we don't wait until we've got it all worked out. We've resolved this great equation of suffering and happiness. We enter it with the wisdom that's gleaned from noticing who we are and what we are And what it is to be it. In the investigation of what it's taught us about who we are and how to live. And then it's only a theory unless you live it. And as you live it, it becomes your teacher.

[34:11]

And this is the next aspect of this process that I'm talking about. Communication. And it's everything from that wordless communication of how life teaches you as you open up to the experience. It's that communication of how you turn the process and teachings of practice into a language that speaks to your heart, to your being. It's the language you use to express your vow and your intention. And it is very much your language. I mean, you may have heard someone else say it, but to own it, to speak your truth in your vow, in your intention.

[35:17]

This is what makes it potent. And how to communicate with others. How do you communicate with others in a way in simple terms, lets them know where you're at. Let's them know that you wish to connect to them and communicate with them. And then in a more subtle or awakening way, How do you communicate in a way that supports you and them to come together in this marvelous process of lessening suffering and opening to spacious appreciative being?

[36:37]

And then the last quality is this appreciation. course you could talk all day about your own negative qualities. But you know, most of us already overdo that. I think we all fear that our arrogance, our pride, our conceit our self-aggrandizement are so awful that we're better off criticizing ourselves. It's more spiritual. And I think often it happens on a subconscious level. But in appreciating and having

[37:51]

acknowledgement of and confidence in those positive attributes. Something in us sincerely wants to practice. Something in us sincerely wants to be a person of integrity. Something in us sincerely wishes well for others. wants this planet to thrive in its ecological way. Wants others to thrive. Wants to live in a society that's thriving. Not all the time, because we are, whether we like it or not, on this equation of regression, and confidence. But how in our own appreciation and acknowledgement and trust in our own being to move ourselves on this scale towards this place where these positive, expansive, confident qualities come forth.

[39:12]

So appreciation of self. And very interestingly, that's closely linked to appreciation of others. Just as the negative attribute, when it's applied to the self, it's inclined to be applied to others. Sometimes it's skillful when you're really annoyed at some attribute of someone. How could they be like that? Sometimes it's skillful to pause and think, do I have any of that? Because maybe them having it bothers you so much because your own way of being in a similar way bothers you so much. But likewise, when we enhance the positive inside, we can enhance it outside. When we enhance it outside, We can enhance it inside.

[40:20]

And I want just to come back to how that works on the physical plane. This was becoming apparent to me as I was rearranging my office. Trying to put it together in a way that worked. that had a functionality and an aesthetic. That relationship with the world. I think this has been one I wouldn't say the Japanese have been the only ones who have brought forth this aesthetic. In fact, this whole teaching has a visual expression in Tibetan Buddhism, in Vajrayana Buddhism.

[41:32]

But that working with space, that crafting space, how we engage it and how we make it conducive to intimacy and mindfulness is something that you see a lot in Japan. You see a lot in Japanese and Buddhism. And how to hold that in our lives. I don't know about you, but I find if I tidy my desk, even if I just take the papers and put them like that, it helps my state of mind. If you tidy your room, something about your life is more defined, orderly, beautiful. So this quality of appreciation, it has that kind of aesthetic.

[42:37]

And I just don't mean to say in the practical. I just mean to say, even in the practical. It has that aesthetic all over the place. In art, in music, in dance, in poetry. In how we... The poet I mentioned that I teach with... I appreciate her aesthetic. I watch carefully the way she creates a semicircle mandala before she teaches. And in the last couple of years, she's taken to putting a piece of antique lace right in front of her. And then she puts her papers, her notes,

[43:47]

her references, her books around the Antilles. For no good reason. I asked her about it. She doesn't know what prompted her to do it. She doesn't know what she gets from it. It has no profound spiritual meaning. It's an involvement. It helps her flow through that space, that way of being, in the connection. So this. So presence, investigation, action, communication, and appreciation. some thread that's not contingent upon circumstances, that engages circumstances in a way that helps support something I think of as existential.

[45:16]

We want to be fully alive. Not that we know what the heck that is, But that's what we're hoping for, wishing for. Whether we recognize it or not, we want the nobility of our spirit, the sanity, the balance, the generosity, the courage, the patience, the compassion. pop up occasionally we want them to nourish us and nourish others how do we do that let me just close by reading Wallace Stevens again and I would say that's the thread he's talking about and since he's dead he can't contradict me

[46:24]

way it is. There's a thread. There's a thread you follow. It goes along things that change. It doesn't change. People wonder about what you're pursuing. You have to explain the thread. But it's hard for others to see. While you hold it, You can't get lost. Tragedies happen. People get hurt or die and you suffer and get old. Nothing you can do can stop times unfolding. You don't ever let go of the thread. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge And this is made possible by the donations we receive.

[47:32]

Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[47:45]

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