Having introduced thee and listened to, to remember and accept, I vow to face the truth above the darkness of words. Good morning. One of the reasons I asked to lecture today was that I looked in Katagiri Roshi's book, Returning to Silence, which I mentioned last time, in the section on dana. At the end of the book he has a section called the Four Methods of Guidance of the Bodhisattva. And the first of these is dana, or generosity. And I mentioned it last time, saying that,

[01:04]

he says, in India the monks couldn't do productive labor, so they couldn't give material things, but they gave fearlessness. Well, when I went back to read it, he says, they gave fearlessness and the teachings. It's rather connected for me. I'm never really ready to give a dharma talk. I always feel that I need to prepare more, that I don't know how to talk about it. And there is always some fear that I might somehow disturb your practice

[02:13]

by something I might say. Sometimes if I wake up in the morning before the wake-up bell and I'm lying there thinking, sometimes it comes to me, oh, I could say it like this. And sometimes I even write down a few notes. But then I have these sort of, or sometimes in zazen, the other day walking home from the zendo, some words were forming themselves, and it was very inspiring to me. I thought, well, how will I... It's sort of like it runs through my fingers. I can't hold on to it. How to talk about this practice which is so rich? And for which I'm so grateful,

[03:18]

how to share it is so difficult for me. Not loud enough? So I must try, and you must put up with me. I'm so sorry, but this is my training period too. And so I told Vimal I wanted to lecture. Since I mentioned to you about the dream that I had just before the mountain seat ceremony, in which just as I was preparing to appear before a large assembly, all of the clothing underneath my robe began to disappear,

[04:23]

and then I found myself, when it was time to appear, that I was wearing nothing but the robe. And I gave it one interpretation, before I went to the ceremony, about being completely exposed, and then someone suggested, well, not completely exposed, because there's still the robe, and maybe you're hiding something behind the robe. And someone else had another interpretation, that perhaps I had come to the point in my life where I had no other business except to wear this robe, that all the other layers of clothing, or roles, or identities

[05:24]

had dissolved, and there was only this one. And as I was talking about the difficulty I have in how to teach, I thought there's another interpretation, and that is the robe which I put on for the ceremony is a teaching robe. It's a ninjokesa. Giving me this robe and asking me to wear it is asking me to make some attempt to do this, and that may be some of the symbolism of that dream. In any event, that dream seems to have a lot of possibilities. And I had a second dream.

[06:32]

As I may have mentioned, I don't dream very often, and when I do, I mostly don't remember them. But in this dream, I was supposed to... I was at Green Gulch, and I was supposed to be giving a lecture, and I was going over to the main house, where the dining room and kitchen are, looking for someone who was upstairs, and I couldn't find the entrance, and I was circling all around, and it got very convoluted in the dream. There were other houses there, and then all of the houses were sort of on a cliff by the ocean, and I got myself in a place where... So you can't get there from here kind of place. I came up to this impenetrable stone wall, and I said, Oh, gee, I'd better go back around the other way. I'd been all around it by then, but... And someone at that point came out on their porch and said,

[07:39]

You can scramble. And I said, What, up that impenetrable wall? And she said, No, right there where you're standing. And I looked, and right where I was standing was a hole in the wall, and there was the entrance to the Bill Wright Center. You know, there's an old story about a sailing vessel off the coast of Brazil which had run out of fresh water, and they spotted another vessel, and they signaled to them to please come and meet them, that they were out of water, which is a very dangerous thing on the ocean, and they're out of sight of land. And so they signaled, We need water. Please, we'll send some boats over.

[08:44]

And they got back the signal, Put down your buckets where you are. And where they were, although it was out of sight of land, was where the Amazon River emptied into the ocean, and it's such a massive river that far out of sight of land there's still fresh water. So, put down your buckets where you are. Our practice and our realization is right where we are. There's nothing, nothing right here. In one of the stories, one of the enlightenment stories in the Dento Roku, the stories that Keizan Zenji compiled of the enlightenment experiences or koans related to each of the ancestors,

[09:45]

the ancestors of the Soto lineage, there is one I wanted to share with you. Transmission 40, Tao Ying to Tao Pi. The living Buddha, Tao Ying, enters the Dharma Hall and remarks to the assembled practitioners. If you wish to attain a limitless result, you must become a limitless being. Since you already are such a being, why become anxious to bring about any such result? This is Suzuki Roshi. You are perfect just as you are. Or, this very mind is Buddha.

[10:49]

This is Suzuki Roshi. It isn't that I have so much to say, but I want you to be awake whether you're listening to me or not. So, since you already are such a limitless being, why be anxious about such a result? So, are we practicing just to express this limitless being, or because we think we're not a limitless being? And once we discover we are a limitless being, will we continue practicing? Well, of course, that's what limitless beings do. Now, this is Dogen Zenji's practice enlightenment, all one word,

[11:59]

practice realization. This practice itself expresses our limitlessness, which is here with us from the beginning. I keep bringing up for you this question of, what is it? What is it you're doing here? What is it you're doing? What is it? What? And another one of the stories in this collection is Yao Shan to Yun Yan. The living Buddha asks the wandering monk who appears at the monastery one day, where have you practiced? The successor says, 20 years under Baijan. What does he teach?

[13:00]

He usually says, my expression contains all hundred flavors. What is the total expression, neither salty nor bland? The monk hesitates to make any statement. During this moment, the awakened one breaks through. If you remain even slightly hesitant, what are you going to do about the realm of birth and death that stands right here before your eyes? Becoming more bold, the destined successor replies, there is no birth, and there is no death. The master says, 20 years with the wonderful Baijan has still not freed you from habitual affirmation and habitual negation. I ask you again, plainly, what does Baijan teach? Successor, he often remarks, look beyond the three modes of looking, understand beyond the six modes of understanding. Master, that kind of instruction

[14:04]

has nothing, no connection whatever with actual awakening. What does Baijan really teach? The successor says, once Master Baijan entered the Dharma Hall to deliver a discourse. The monks were standing expectantly in straight rows. Suddenly, the sage lunged at us, fiercely swinging his large wooden staff. We scattered in every direction. At full voice, he then called out, O monks! Heads turned and eyes looked, and Baijan asked gently, what is it? What is it? The master says, thanks to your kindness today, I have finally been able to come face to face with my marvelous brother Baijan. And in his commentary,

[15:11]

Lek Sikson says, Yongyan is not merely repeating his master's words. He has realized the spirit of Baijan's teaching, which he reports carefully to the awakened one. Hesitating at first to make any statement at all that would limit the richness of what he has received. Only the non-teaching, what is it? What is it? Has Yongyan overlooked? Why? Because it is more subtle than the subtle, more essential than the essential. Under the relentless probing of wooded Yaoshan, the submerged memory of this non-teaching arises from early in his discipleship. Remembering the fierce swinging of the heavy wooden staff, Yongyan suddenly becomes sensitive again to the dangerous realm of birth and death, which from an absolute point of view, he has mistakenly dismissed. What is it? What is it? Spoken twice, almost in a whisper.

[16:13]

Clears away both absolute and relative. This is what our ancient Japanese guide calls releasing the handhold on the rock face and leaping from the precipice. This question comes up again and again throughout Zen history. This is what Seppo asked the monks who came to his gate. What is it? This is what Yongyan said. What's the matter? What is the business that brings us here? What is it? I want you to investigate this.

[17:17]

And I don't ask you to look for the words. Words are secondary. I want you to find the feel of it. I want you to find the fire of it. I want you to touch the source of your life force. To feel the joy and the love of living from the source of your being. This is taking us back to the beginning. This is taking refuge. To throw yourself completely into the aliveness of your life. It's pretty risky.

[18:19]

You could lose yourself. There's nothing to hold on to. Nothing. In the onrushing kaleidoscopic chaos of our life there is nothing substantial to hold on to. It's just arising moment after moment after moment. We can't identify with any of it. It arises and passes away. In the midst of that openness of this question, what? What? What?

[19:21]

In the midst of this openness when you touch and really open the place let it enlarge. Let it expand. Let it explode your limited view of this substantial separate self and allow you to expand to experience the boundlessness of your being. Seeing yourself in everything. This is Dongshan's. It's like facing the jewel mirror. Form and image behold each other. You are not it.

[20:23]

It actually is you. This doesn't mean that when he looked over the bridge and saw his reflection in the stream that he saw that this reflection was him. It meant that this water was him. The rocks were him. Everything. The onrushing stream was not separate from himself. Wherever he looked was a jewel mirror. Wherever he saw was not separate. This is awakening to the totality of who you are and what you are. It's not that

[21:28]

you disappear. You are you and you are everything simultaneously. The relative and absolute intermingle and interpenetrate as we chant chanted this morning in Sangdokan. You are you and you are not separate from anything. It begins with your breath. It begins with just breathing in and breathing out. What is inside?

[22:34]

What is outside? If you follow your breath from your hara deep at the bottom of your hara follow it out all the way and let it go completely. Just exhale and don't worry about the inhale. The exhale will become an inhale of its own. Trust it. There at the bottom of your breath at that moment between exhale and inhale

[23:38]

is a very quiet moment. Stay right there. Stay right there. Be with whatever arises right there. Stay right there.

[24:47]

Tsultrim Roshi says when we practice Zazen all that exists is the movement of the breathing but we're aware of this movement. You should not be absent minded but to be aware of the movement does not mean to be aware of your small self but rather of your universal nature or Buddha nature. This kind of awareness is very very important because we are usually so one-sided. Our usual understanding of life is dualistic. You and I this and that good and bad but actually these discriminations are themselves the awareness of the universal existence. You means to be aware of the universe in the form of you and I means to be aware of it in the form of I. You and I are just swinging doors letting the breath go in and out.

[25:50]

This kind of understanding is necessary. This should not even be called understanding. It is actually the true experience of life through Zen practice. So returning to Dongshan and his realization. When Dongshan was leaving Yunyan he said in the future after you are gone and when people ask me about your teaching what shall I say? Yunyan pauses imperceptibly and then softly says just this just this.

[26:56]

At this moment the successor hesitates. The old sage perceives it and warmly encourages Dongshan you must be extremely careful and thorough in realizing just this. Traveling on foot through green mountains pondering just this Buddha Dongshan while wandering wading across a stream suddenly perceives the reflection of his own face in the swiftly flowing water. His subtle hesitation evaporates and he is now prepared to accomplish the transmission of light. He sings in quiet ecstasy why seek mine somewhere else? Wandering freely I meet my own true nature everywhere through all phenomena. I cannot become it for it is already me. Yunyan pauses

[28:12]

This affirmation that we are already complete pervades the teaching of our school. It is the fundamental teaching of our school. And yet each one of us must investigate it for ourselves. Each one of us must explore what what can it mean? Buddha from the beginning Dogen Zenji's question was if we're Buddha from the beginning why do we need to practice? It was a consuming question for him. He pursued it through practice. Through Zazen

[29:31]

through sitting in meditation and attending to breath through becoming completely intimate with his innermost request. Ambo brought up the case from Dantou Roku Quan Chi to Yuan Quan in Japanese Excuse me, I didn't write Do you recall or write off

[30:34]

which these are in the lineage we chant? The destined successor of background unknown is functioning as attendant to the living Buddha carrying his ceremonial robe. As they stand together in the Dharma hall the attendant opens for the master this venerable patchwork robe. The old sage turns and whispers what is really going on beneath this robe? The successor deeply prepared for the transmission of light remains poised in silence. Intensely the master continues to whisper to study and practice the Buddha way without reaching what is beneath the robe creates the greatest pain. Please ask me the question. The successor repeats the sage's words. What is really going on beneath this robe?

[31:35]

With almost no sound the Zen master responds. Deep intimacy. Immediately successor awakens as living Buddha places the ceremonial robe over the shoulders of his master and performs three prostrations of gratitude abundant tears soaking his own upper robe. Master you have now greatly awakened but can you express it? Successor yes. Master what is going on beneath this robe of transmission? Successor deep intimacy. Master and even deeper intimacy. What is this intimacy? It begins with yourself becoming completely intimate with yourself. Through

[32:37]

this intimacy with yourself the possibility of being intimate with another arises. Because he was so intimate with himself Suzuki Roshi could meet me completely when I bowed to him and jump up and bow back to me. Before I even knew it. When I was remembering that moment I had this deep pain wondering will I ever be able to meet someone as he met me. Will I ever be able to meet

[33:48]

Wearing this robe without settling the great matter is the most painful. In the Shinshin Ming it says one and all all and one if only this is realized no more worry about not being perfect. This

[35:00]

is the

[35:00]

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