Good evening, everyone. Can you hear me well? Good. I always like speaking on Wednesday night because it's kind of family night around Zen Center. I see all my old friends here on screen. So nice to see you this evening. If there's anyone that's new to our Zoom meeting, welcome. And I hope you enjoy your evening with us tonight and come back some other time. So I thought before we get going, we should maybe just take a moment to hold Dante Wright's family and all those who have suffered from injustice and violence in our heart. It has been such a difficult time for my Black friends, and I think it's good for us to just pause a second in the midst of this violence and injustice.

[01:11]

Even in the midst of a very difficult year that has produced so much suffering, we did celebrate Buddha's birthday this weekend at City Center. It is good to take some time to celebrate renewal, springtime, and our human capacity to manifest kindness, insight, and joy. In times of increased stress and anxiety, the Buddha's teachings on the importance of calming body and mind and practicing mindful attention to every aspect of our daily lives are ever more precious. So I'm gonna talk a little bit about something I've been thinking about recently. It's impermanence, and I'll start with this story. During the question and answer after a lecture that Suzuki Roshi gave, David Chadwick asked, Suzuki Roshi, I've been listening to your lectures for years, but I just don't understand. Could you just please put it in a nutshell? Can you reduce Buddhism to one phrase?

[02:27]

Everyone laughed. Suzuki laughed. And then he said, everything changes. And then asked for another question. What a great answer. Buddhism reduced to one phrase. Everything changes. Impermanence. Practitioners have always understood impermanence as the cornerstone of Buddhist teaching and practice. All that exists is impermanent. Nothing lasts. Therefore, nothing can be grasped or held on to. When we don't fully appreciate the simple but profound truth, we suffer. This is one of the most fundamental teachings of Buddhism. The Buddha taught that the source of human suffering and discontent is that we crave and cling to the things of this world under the mistaken view that they will last forever. But nothing does. It is one of the three marks of existence. Impermanence, not self, and suffering.

[03:31]

To understand impermanence at the deepest possible level, I mean, we all do understand it at a superficial level, and merge with it fully is the whole of the Buddhist path. The Buddha's final words express this, impermanence is inescapable. Everything vanishes. Therefore, there is nothing more important than continuing the path with diligence. I'm not a historian, but in my lifetime, this current time seems to be a time of violent and dramatic change. unprecedented. It does remind me of the rise of the 1960s counterculture in my college years with a nation divided by the Vietnam War, the assassinations of Martin Luther King, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, the civil rights movement, women's rights, the emergence of the environmental movement. But now with the pandemic, with its resultant sickness and death and the worldwide economic disruption,

[04:47]

with George Floyd's murder, which shined a light on the systemic racial injustice towards BIPOC people of color, the recent emergence of Asian hate crime, the brutal killing of innocents in Myanmar, the clear threat of our very existence from climate change. All of this in the context of a nation so divided, it seems impossible for the government to do what would be necessary to be helpful. So it does feel like one of those times where we need to deal with much that has been neglected. In this context, I'm reminded of a very good poem by Kay Ryan titled, Home to Roost. The chickens are circling and blotting out the day. The sun is bright, but the chickens are in the way. Yes, the sky is dark with chickens. dense with them.

[05:49]

They turn, then they turn again. These are the chickens you let loose, one at a time, and small, various breeds. Now they have come home to roost, all the same kind at the same speed. Of course, this is a poem about bad deeds coming back to haunt us, and she uses the marvelous saying, chickens coming home to roost. Meaning of bad things that you've done will come back and it's inevitable. Metaphorically speaking, the bad deeds are the chickens. And when you release them, they will eventually come back to their roost or home. So I'm going to read it again because she has such a talent, Kay Ryan, for these turns of phrases saying such a serious thing, but in a way that sort of sneaks up on you. The chickens are circling and blotting out the day. Bad news, bad deeds are getting dark.

[06:51]

The sun is bright, but the chickens are in the way. Yes, the sky is dark with chickens, dense with them. They turn and then they turn again. These are the chickens you let loose one at a time and small, various breeds. Now they have come home to roost, all the same kind at the same speed. So a good Buddhist poem about karma. We are suffering the results of our bad karma, both personally and as a society. So what do we do? I like this quote from Gary Schneider. He said, I like the Buddhist approach that advises us to live openly and be willing to fight where you feel it is necessary and to give in where there is no choice. and to keep your balance in the midst of the fray. Very good Gary Schneider Buddhist approach, but a wonderful saying, but how do we do it?

[07:56]

It's not so easy. So I was thinking back when I was 25 in grad school, studying mathematics in the midst of the counterculture revolution, I didn't know what to do, how to make a difference. So much violence and social injustice. I was pretty sure math and science, which had been my North Star until then, was no longer going to satisfy me. So the summer of 1970, I went to California to find some direction. I met and practiced with Suzuki Roshi at Tassara and decided his path would give me the composure needed to find my way. And today I believe more than ever that it is a good path. It is a good path to bring forward into the world. Developing the capacity to have some composure and ability to stay present in the midst of difficult situations allows us to be most helpful.

[08:59]

So tonight, I will talk about a favorite phrase of mine about change. I've always enjoyed this paragraph from Suzuki Roshi's book, Not Always So. It goes, that things change is the reason why you suffer in this world and become discouraged. When you change your understanding and your way of living, then you can completely enjoy your new life in each moment. The evanescence of things is the reason why you enjoy your life. When you practice in this way, your life becomes stable and meaningful. So I love this. It's pretty clear. The first part that things change is the reason why you suffer in this world and become discouraged.

[10:02]

We're pretty familiar with its fundamental teaching of Buddhism. You know, we lose people we love. We get sick. We don't like it. We work with a new boss who doesn't appreciate us. The endless changes that occur that cause us suffering, we don't like it and we get discouraged about life. And certainly we've got plenty of examples of that going on right now. But also change can be good. We can meet somebody new we like. We can get over an illness. We can get a new boss who's great. And so change is both good and And bad. But even when things are going great, deep down there is some anxiety that we will lose it. Maybe this anxiety comes because in the end we know we will die and lose everything. But that is later, so we ignore it.

[11:05]

But right now, in each moment, we are losing what we had the previous moment. And that creates a fundamental loss and suffering. We might think, well, I have heard about not being attached. If I'm not attached to anything or anywhere, then I'll be okay, which, of course, is true. We are attached to all kinds of stupid things and ideas, and letting go of them would certainly be very helpful. But at the same time, when we lose someone we love, we suffer. That is the way of humans. We suffer because we love. And hopefully as much as we suffer at the loss of a loved one, we hope it makes us more capable of love. So suffering is inescapable for us who love. And this fundamental anxiety that things aren't quite right.

[12:12]

is suffering that comes from impermanence. And Suzuki Roshi says, with right understanding, you can completely enjoy your life. Well, what does he mean by that? Right understanding. You change your understanding and your way of living, not just your understanding, but your way of living. Then you can completely enjoy your new life in each moment. So it's not just your understanding. It's not some philosophic thing. It's you're changing your... entire way of living. When you change your understanding and your way of living, then you can completely enjoy your new life in each moment. And I love this next sentence. The evanescence of things is the reason why you enjoy your life. The evanescence of things, the vanishing of things. I mean, evanescence, it's a synonym for impermanence, but I thought each evanescence has that sort of nice sense of fleetingness and also as a sort of sense of life itself, the feeling of life.

[13:22]

I was thinking, you know, the evanescence of a rainbow, there's this famous quote, the evanescence of a rainbow detracts not a whit from its beauty. You look at a rainbow and it just sort of seems to disappear on you. I'm fortunate sometimes in the late afternoon, I sit for a few minutes on my deck and I watch a the clouds over Mount Tam and they're amazing. First of all, it seems like every night they're different and they're always sort of moving. And then they sort of, you're looking at them and they disappear, they're gone. And then they reappear again, this vanishing effervescent aspect of life. And of course, it's easy enough to appreciate it when it's a beautiful cloud filled sunset or a rainbow somewhere in a rainy afternoon.

[14:23]

But is this constantly changing, fleeting, transitory nature of our own life, of our emotional state, of our Life as it passes by, is this something that we can, is this the reason why we enjoy our life? Because we can enjoy the passing pain and joy and suffering? And no, there's parts of it we don't like so much. But Suzuki Rishi says, yes, that is why you enjoy your life. If you can focus on life, the evanescence of things, the impermanence as it's happening, then your practice becomes stable and meaningful. Sometimes in sashins, you can have that feeling of just being alive and the visceral sense of impermanence.

[15:26]

I think I was in a... I remember Suzuki Roshi in this way. He is such an inspiration because he seemed so flexible and present in the moment. Once we were, I think it was, I was in City Center and I was a new student and we were doing, I think I was on the work crew and we were cleaning something and all of a sudden everybody rang a bell. It was like in the middle of the afternoon or middle of the morning and And they said, Sukuroshi wants to say something. So we, you know, maybe there was only 15 of us went into the Buddha hall, sat down. There was some eminent Zen teacher from Japan that had arrived and was saying something in Japanese that Sukuroshi was translating. And he was saying how wonderful what Sukuroshi had created. And Sukuroshi was saying this and that. And then all of a sudden I was looking at him and all of a sudden he just became kindness. His whole being was just, emanated this kindness and it just lasted maybe 30 seconds and then passed away but it it was such a pure expression of it and of course another time you know he was irritated at me and it was like a flash of lightning his anger came and then went so someone mentioned to me that you know strong emotions only last about 90 seconds and

[16:50]

And they just seem to hang around with us for a long time because we just keep running the storyline behind them to keep them living. But if you're actually living in the changing transitory moment, your life is always fresh, is always new. It may not always be happy. It may be painful. It may be sad. It may be many things, but it's always changing because that's a fundamental truth. I think we have a pretty primitive idea of impermanence. I think of the impermanence is kind of the movement of reality. You know, it's a mystery. It's a marvel. I mean, what do we actually mean when we say impermanence? Everything changes. I mean, yes, we say, well, later things will be different than they are and later I'll die. But what does it mean to just talk about in this very moment?

[17:52]

This moment, things are changing. This moment, what happened a moment ago has vanished, disappeared, and something new is here. And how do we live a life that allows us to appreciate that changing? So, of course, Dogen has a lot to say on a subject like this, because impermanence and time are two of his favorite subjects. And in one of his wonderful, important essays on the one on Buddha nature, he says, impermanence is Buddha nature. Impermanence is Buddha nature. Oh, what? I thought Buddha nature was my capacity for kindness and wisdom. What does that have to do with impermanence? We mostly think of impermanence with a sort of an emphasis on we're losing something. But he's saying impermanence is Buddha nature.

[18:57]

I'm letting you sit with that for a second while I take a sip of water. Norman Fisher's comment on it in an essay he wrote was, for Dogen, Impermanence isn't a problem to be overcome with diligent effort on the path. Impermanence is the path. Practice isn't the way to cope with or overcome impermanence. It is the way to fully appreciate and live with it. I think I'm going to say that again, because I think if there's kind of like the one sentence takeaway for this talk tonight about impermanence is... Practice is the way to fully appreciate impermanence and live it. Live impermanence. I thought I would just take a moment and look around and see how you...

[20:11]

Eyes are changing right in front of me as I'm sitting here and noticing how I'm changing right in front of you as I'm sitting here. Anyway, Dogen continues in this essay by quoting Buddha. If you want to understand Buddha nature, you should intimately observe cause and effect over time. When time is ripe, Buddha nature manifests. When time is ripe doesn't mean we practice and eventually our practice will ripen and manifest Buddha nature. He means Buddha nature always manifests in time because time is impermanence. Kind of makes sense that time is impermanence, how intimately connected time is to change. There's a little complex and involves Dogen's, a lot of Dogen's writing on time and being time.

[21:18]

But I, without getting into all of that, I grabbed this paragraph from a wonderful book that Stephen Hines wrote, The Existential and Ontological Dimensions of Time in Heidegger and Dogen. And in that book, Stephen Hines writes, the human predicament is not generated by impermanence. but by an unwillingness to authentically accept and confront it. Dogen and Heidegger insist that time, impermanence, can neither be denied, the conventional attitude, nor transcended, the more philosophical yet equally misguided view. Rather, they accentuate and illuminate the singular significance of impermanence and its inseparability with human existence as the basis of freedom. The inseparability of human existence with impermanence is the basis of our freedom.

[22:28]

Makes sense. If nothing changed, we'd be caught like in a prison. But since everything changes, we're free to live. a new moment, moment by moment. So to repeat that phrase that I've been singing lately, impermanence isn't a problem to be overcome with diligent effort on the path. Impermanence is the path. Practice isn't the way to cope with or overcome in permanence. It is the way to fully appreciate and live it. So one final comment. At the beginning of Dogen's essay, Buddha Nature, he states, Shakyamuni Buddha said, living beings are all Buddha nature. The phrase all are is telling. Are, the verb are, existence, being, time, impermanence, and change.

[23:36]

All are, existence, being, time, impermanence, and change is Not alone. All are. It is always all-inclusive. We are always in this together. We share this impossible to understand, yet are living impermanence. And that is why we are kind with each other. We are all in this together. We're all in the same boat of impermanence. So back to the original paragraph I've been talking about, that things change is the reason why you suffer in this world and become discouraged. When you change your understanding and your way of living, then you can completely enjoy your new life in each moment.

[24:39]

The evanescence of things is the reason why you enjoy your life, or the impermanence of things is the reason why you enjoy your life. When you practice in this way, your life becomes stable and meaningful. The joy he refers to is not some endless bliss or soaring transcendence. Who would want that in a world with so much tragedy, social injustice, sickness, and death? To feel the loss of impermanence and appreciate it is the meaning of being alive and connected to all. This is the way our life becomes stable and meaningful. So thank you very much. That's really all I wanted to say tonight. And since I haven't had a chance to meet with you for a while, I'm happy to have some questions and hear your own thoughts on this interesting subject called impermanence.

[25:42]

So Cotto. Great, I'll go ahead and we'll close with the... Bodhisattva vows and then move into Q&A if that's fine with you. That'd be perfect. Great. May our intention equally extend to every being and place with a true merit of Buddha's way. Beings are numberless. I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless, I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable, I vow to become it. So just two brief announcements as the questions start coming to mind. One is a reminder about our practice of

[26:44]

move up and move back to make room for everyone to speak. If you tend to speak often, consider moving back and vice versa. Second announcement is that the spring fundraiser is afoot. That's known as the Zenathon and the theme is the heartbeat of practice. I'll post a link in the chat to the website. I would encourage all of you to visit and if you would like, read the stories of friends, teachers and fellow practitioners and consider making a page of your own. It's through this This sort of fundraiser and always through the generous support that allows San Francisco Zen Center to keep providing these kind of opportunities for us and everyone around the world. So I'll paste the link there. If you'd like to participate in this discussion by asking a question or offering a comment, feel free to raise your hand. Thank you so much, Ed.

[28:24]

I can see the truth of what you're saying, but the experiencing of it seems so far away from me. I seem to be obsessed with being acknowledged. I'm desperate. for people to notice me and, and, you know, praise me or whatever. And, and I can feel it's a bottomless pit. I, I just, I can't figure out how to get out of it. You know, I, I mean, intellectually, I, I, of course, yeah, I, I know what you're saying is true, but I don't, and I've been practicing for a while too. I mean, I don't know. It's sort of discouraging. I think you've, you know, stated a fundamental need of a human being to be seen by someone, to be met by someone.

[29:36]

This is our, you know, the Avalokiteshvara, the Bodhisattva of compassion has a thousand arms. And in the hand of each of those arms is an eye to see you and to see your suffering. That's what we need. We need to be seen for the beautiful suffering beings that we are. And I think that why I became a Zen Buddhist was when I met Suzuki Roshi, I think maybe other than my mother who certainly saw me He may have been the first person who really saw me, who really met me and acknowledged me for exactly who I was in that moment, not for what I might be in the future. But just we just want to be met for who we actually are in this moment.

[30:37]

And when we can meet ourselves for who we actually are in there, meet our own selves for that, we can acknowledge our own. our own Buddha nature. So, you know, of course, that's a very natural thing, Terry. It is what all humans seek. And that's why we try to meet each other face to face, warm hand to warm hand, warm heart to warm heart. Thank you for your beautiful question. Thank you. Christopher. Hi, thank you. I'm Chris. Thank you so much for your talk. I feel a little self-conscious about raising my hand because I've raised my hand a few times recently, but it seemed like there was silence, so I thought maybe it would be all right.

[31:43]

I just wanted to, like I said, express a lot of gratitude. And when you were talking, I kept thinking about a wonderful movie, Groundhog Day, about... The thing about, yeah, yeah, we don't like impermanence, but there would be nothing more hellish than permanence. Right. Yeah. So sometimes popular culture comes through for us. That's a beautiful movie. One of my favorite Buddhist movies. In all Buddhist festivals, we always watch that movie. That's for sure. That's a great movie. Yeah. And if there wasn't, it'd be like frozen in hell if there wasn't change. My God. It'd be terrible. Yeah. It's a great. Thank you for bringing that. movie into my mind it was really wonderful look how much he learned through that movie that really in the end it was kindness yeah generosity that allowed him to actually break free of his where he was and so there's a kind of metaphor for our life you know we're caught in this endless cycle of our own samsaric stupidity but if we just start to be kinder

[32:50]

and more generous and actually see the other people around us. Maybe eventually we can wake up someday to this, the true change that's happening in our life moment by moment. Very much. Yeah. And the other thing I want to say real quickly was just that I really appreciated you bringing in about the social justice things and the suffering that our society has gone through and so on, but in how it mirrors our own individual suffering as well. But something that has occurred to me is that sometimes I'm like, oh, that's the vehicle. That's the vehicle for compassion and to have that experience. I got a splinter in my thumb and it got infected. And I was like, oh, this is horrible. This really hurts. And today I went to urgent care and I just got the most awesome attention and care and actually got touched, which I haven't in months with kindness. and care so it's like oh it's a good thing i got the splinter in this infected thumb yeah yeah yeah that's a good story yeah so wonderful when someone can so just directly help you you know uh i think we called it we had a course at zen center a couple days ago on the psychology of first aid and when if you see somebody that's distressed the first thing you want to

[34:10]

just ascertain us what level of distress they are. And maybe they need some food or some water or something like that. And a lot of times we're in distress and just pulling out the thing in our thumb is what we need to be taken care of. Yeah, thank you, good story. Yeah, thank you. And then I see a few hands. I think I saw Richard go up first. Wonderful. Hi, Richard, good evening. Hi, can you hear me through this? I can. Oh, good. I think I had a bit of a breakthrough recently in regards to impermanence and... In regards to impermanence and...

[35:10]

and change, everything changes, and dukkha, the first noble truth. And that everything changes is also one of the forms of dukkha, the dukkha of change. Everything changes is also a cause of dukkha. And I think for many years, misunderstanding of the Buddha teachings is that it was about leading us to the end of suffering. And that misunderstanding also led to a lot of suffering because as kind as I was, as compassionate as I was, you know, as generous I was with other people's anger and greed and hatred, there continued to be ongoing greed, hatred and delusion and dukkha and suffering and problems.

[36:16]

And no matter how hard I practiced, I always felt like I was doing something wrong because things aren't getting better. You know, there's still so much suffering and pain. And what I've realized is I think a deeper understanding of that first noble truth that Suffering is a function of being alive and being human and being in a body and growing old and illness, et cetera, et cetera. People doing really evil things and hurtful things. And that's the world we live in. And the end of suffering is more about being able to, as you were suggesting, to be in this moment. And and not be attached to a judgment about the problems in the world and the problems in my life.

[37:22]

They are what they are. They're going to come. They're going to go. There's going to be good times and bad times, nice people and bad people, and et cetera, et cetera. The end of suffering is somehow to do with that I'm no longer... disturbed by that so that all of that continues, all of that harsh, evil stuff and the impersonally painful stuff. Suffering doesn't end, but my suffering about suffering comes to an end. And that there's a possibility to transform or transmute that experience of suffering from additional suffering and grief and sorrow and pain about that suffering to a felt sense of that liberation, that impermanence.

[38:26]

I think that the more Buddha nature aspect of impermanence so that I'm still standing in front of somebody who's disrespecting me and being mean to me for no reason and hurting me and et cetera, et cetera. And I'm just standing there loving them. So I had that experience recently and that's why it was a profound moment that rather than reacting negatively and going into suffering, I was able to tell this person, you know what, I love you and I thank you for being honest with me. And, you know, I don't agree with what you are saying, but I understand that's how you feel. And I think this person walked away kind of confused and maybe a little changed because I didn't yell at them or scream at them or defend myself or even be mean to them. I still love them. And so that's what I'm...

[39:30]

hearing from this talk tonight. The potentiality of impermanence as Buddha nature and liberation from suffering rather than impermanence as this really sucks and every time I get it together someone moves it and when I finally fix it something else breaks. So two different takes on impermanence and one leads to more suffering and one leads to more loving kindness and compassion. Well, beautiful, beautiful summary of my lecture. Nicely done. Thank you very much. And I'm glad you shared that experience with that person that wasn't nice to you. Do you mind me asking if you're ill from something? Is that what you needed, that extra breathing? Yeah, I have a number of different conditions. And this one is giving me oxygen. And I need to use that especially when I'm sleeping.

[40:35]

But pretty much all evening and night, I use that oxygen. And for some reason, my body thinks it's a good idea to stop breathing in the middle of the night. And it happens multiple times, which causes a lot of problems. And the oxygen... saturates my blood with oxygen. So it gives me more time to start breathing before things start freaking out. Well, thank you for letting me know. And I wish you well and take care of yourself. That can be a tricky, tricky situation. I've had friends who had that too. So please take care of yourself. Thank you. I appreciate that I can show up here in whatever condition. whether I'm crying or happy or sad or whatever. I really appreciate that the understanding of Buddha teacher is, well, this is sad Buddha, or this is sick Buddha, or this is happy Buddha.

[41:40]

So thank you for that. You're welcome. A famous call on that. Sun-faced Buddha, moon-faced Buddha. All Buddhas. So, Cotto, do we have one more question before the evening ends? My clock says we have two more minutes. I think there's time. Marsha? Good evening. So nice to see you, Marsha. You've returned from your trip. I have just yesterday. It's wonderful to see you. I had a question, Edson. So I so appreciate your unraveling this idea of impermanence. And what I wonder is, it seems that it's very easy to notice and allow for disappearance, but I sometimes feel there's a struggle in noticing appearance when things arrive.

[42:48]

I have a keener ability to notice when things depart or disappear. And I wonder if you could say something about developing the skills to be aware of things that appear. Thank you. That's great. Well, I think, of course, it's easier to see what appears if you've actually let go of what's disappearing. So I'm wondering if that's the case, you might be so entangled in the amusement of the disappearing that you didn't leave room for the appearing. This is a, usually it's the other way. You know, Zika Roshi used to say, pay attention to your breathing and maybe pay a little bit. He didn't talk much about adjusting your breathing. He always let you let us find our own breathing, but he'd say maybe one idea would be to make sure you exhale more fully because there is a tendency for us to want to grab the new breathing. Breathe in life, take in life.

[43:50]

But we're not quite ready to give it up. And so that's why we sometimes don't exhale so completely. So yours was a little different reversal on that same thing. But I think this is the same issue of to the extent that we want to be fully awake and free and experiencing this present moment does require an emptying of what we were involved in just previously. And Suzuki Roshi was brilliant at that. I've never seen anybody who could be so present with you and then turn and be completely present with someone else. So exhale a little bit more fully. Let go more fully. And I think that new will come into you. Thank you so much. Good to see you. Me too. Would you like to offer a closing word? Thank you so much. One closing thought, the only thing that isn't impermanent is the permanence of impermanence.

[44:52]

So I wish you all very well. And I appreciate your willingness to think about this apparently simple, but actually quite complex and deep issue in life. Thank you very much, everyone. Thank you very much, everyone. Please take care and you should be able to unmute now if you would like. Thanks Ed for a beautiful talk. Thank you so much. Nice to see you all. Thank you very much, Adam. Thank you. Nice talk to you, Chris. Thank you, Ed. Thank you so much, Ed. Hi, Miles. Hi, everyone. Please treasure yourself. And you, Terry. Thank you, Ed.

[46:00]

Thank you very much.

[46:03]

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