This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So the seventh factor of awakening is upekha, equanimity. But before we delve into such delights... I'd like to say a little bit more about momentary samadhi. The least illustrious of the three brothers. One pointedness, one pointed concentration. So exquisite. As it cracks open and bursts forth the energy of existence.

[01:01]

And then continuous contact. The all-embracing, inconceivable being. No inside, no outside. And then momentary awareness. Just trying to get by. You know. Let me try that again. Where was I? What was happening? What's happening now? What's going on? Dogenzenji, in his usual style, you know, when even for a moment, one assumes the Buddha mudra, world becomes the Dharma field in all beings all existence is liberated and enlightened Wow how to

[02:25]

In our sitting, in our moments of connectedness, we glimpse, we taste. Sometimes we reside. Sometimes something permeates in and instructs deeply. can it flow everywhere? How can it be that wherever we turn, it's illuminated by what has been touched, glimpsed, tasted, permeated into our being? humble practice of what's happening now this humble practice of pause even for a moment like the culmination of your practice come forth in that moment

[03:48]

At City Center we teach a very popular workshop on awareness and anxiety and depression. I don't mean practice awareness so you can be anxious and depressed. That happens quite naturally. And the gist of the workshop is interjecting pause into the seamless stream of the narrative, causing that interruption and bringing in another option. of our practice teaches, illustrates, demonstrates, manifests another option.

[05:07]

And this practice of wherever, whenever, pausing and letting go into that, however it might be. Maybe it's physical. Maybe in that moment the body aligns. Maybe it's breath. In that moment something's allowed to release with the exhale. Or not be resisted, to be received without hesitation with the inhale. Maybe it's visual. Maybe it's seeing a three-dimensional world filled with color and life. Maybe it's auditory.

[06:11]

It's hearing the spacious surround of the symphony of science. one of them and every one of them offering access to the Buddha mudra. Or in simpler terms, each one of them just disturbing the great story of the world according to me with just a moment opening and as we do this kind of pause as we do this kind of connecting and and draw those moments closer the disposition of Dharma

[07:25]

What it is that's becoming evident to us is closer. It's closer at hand. It isn't just out of reach and we roll back into habituated karmic response. loosens it up to even for a moment and as we settle two people told me over the last couple years that I say settle a little bit like saddle

[08:27]

I'm not saying saddle. As we saddle. Maybe it's more profound. He says things have to make sense. As we settle. invites itself. It's like the seeing invites the pause, the hearing invites the pause. As I said the other day, the being nobody going nowhere invites the pause. So, momentary samadhi.

[09:38]

And the light of the dharma flows into the myriad ways consciousness can be created. Sometimes startling us with a new perspective. sometimes mystifying us. As Dogen Zinji says, the eye of consciousness can see what it can see at any particular time. Sometimes vast, sometimes not. So another thing to torture yourself with. Be present every single moment. Okay, equanimity.

[10:49]

Rumi says, in this new love, die. a good recipe it's not so difficult to be economist immersed in love and having let go of all your karmic tendencies so sometimes equanimity just like where's the problem natural occurrence and when it's not broke don't fix it just nothing special and as your sheen as the rigors of our practice take us

[12:05]

take us, turn us upside down and inside out and train us to respond to this, to that. Our usual preoccupations and preferences. Sometimes we just forget to worry about them. Someone said to this, you sow at chosen what's what's on what about all this sleep deprivation and issue so said oh it's just a way of wearing dying your energy for resisting there's a con it's very similar you know the student asked a profound question of the teacher says something like you know what's the highest meaning of the holy truth or What's the deep secret of Zen?

[13:10]

The teacher says, sitting long and getting tired. And then it has, you know, a longitudinal dimension to it. That way in which, you know, I think of myself young, arrogant, knowing exactly how to practice, fiercely dedicated, desperately practicing to escape suffering, unwittingly heading straight into that which I was desperately trying to escape from. this paradoxical way.

[14:14]

We cause a lot of trouble for ourselves and then that trouble turns out to be a marvelous teacher. Once we've got over trying to hold other people responsible for the trouble, practice is just saying, go ahead. Cause as much trouble as you like. Try to avoid what's happening as much as you like. Try to control it as much as you like.

[15:15]

And something in there is shaken loose, is eased up, worn down. It would be nice to think, oh, well, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to fall into that old trap. I'm going to take the wise path. of not resisting, of not clinging to fixed views, of skillful action, of letting the seven factors flow in as the profound nourishment of being. But you're likely to do the other two. And in a way, just accepting that has its own kind of comfort.

[16:37]

Yeah. Okay. It's like accepting, I'm going to sit down and do Zazen, and all sorts of stuff is going to happen. Yeah. And in the midst of all that, steady, steady engagement in the basics of practice. So there's something in this attitude that catches the flavor of equanimity. Maybe you could, I would suggest a little bit cynically say, well, it's just about lowering your standards, lowering your expectations. something more.

[17:42]

Something about embracing the human condition. This is a conditioned existence. Even if you rush off to an exotic foreign country, it's still you. You brought you with you. So this permission to be It's not conditioned by what it's going to bring forth, not conditioned by your approval of yourself, of others, the practice, anything.

[18:59]

It's just what is. this is very much the wind of a Zen school this is very much the wind of Shikantaza just sitting but it's not sloppy it's not oh well whatever no paradoxically it's like okay now you've stopped expending energy on that and that put that energy into now. Just this. And then as I was saying before, then we get into real trouble.

[20:08]

Because that which we've been distracting ourselves from, resisting stepping back and judging, now it's more fully alive. It's more vibrant. And we start to see that this human organism is extraordinarily responsive to its environment, extraordinarily responsive to what arises inside and outside. And as those defenses start to diminish, it's like young men saying,

[21:19]

being exposed. And then he describes this exposure as exposed to the golden wind, exposed to this amazing play of existence. I remember Naomi Shehabanai telling me about her grandmother. And she said, my grandmother was like this. She'd seen so much suffering. She'd seen so many difficult, violent tragedies that when people would bring, which they did, They bring their story to her.

[22:22]

She could offer great compassion, but she wasn't freaked out. She wasn't distressed. It was more, yeah. So define this way of being within ourselves. Mm-mm. So this is the nature of the human experience. It delights in the sound of the canyon run, and out of nowhere it can grasp a painful memory or feeling. in the body can have some deep sense of dread or fear or hopelessness in a very real way we all have our own tale of woe

[23:47]

what went wrong by our own doing or by the doing of others and it has its reverberation to let that not come as a great surprise to recoil in disbelief or horror but to breathe down into it to this kind of equanimity if this way of calling forth a resilience of resilience because we're not desperately hoping for some golden consequence.

[25:03]

We're just settling into a deep willingness in the breath, in the state of mind, in how the arising mental formations can be related to and of course in our humanness our ease our equanimity will tend to rise more readily more palpably in conditions that are conducive to it. When our body feels more in harmony, doesn't feel like a lumpy old sack of bones in flesh.

[26:21]

feels more fluid energized or our mind feels more centered and clear of course equanimity will tend to rise to the surface and to be instructed to let that inform us to let that teach us something about the territory the facility of equanimity the balance the balance of something arises it moves us in a certain way and the movement is more like a dance than some jerky movement we were trying not to have happen.

[27:29]

So when water rises in our Zazen, we'll bring forth response. So, can awareness flow with it rather than be brittle? and the object that arises takes off on its own or seems to push us out of balance. What is it to let that arising just bring forth its response and as that response is accommodated, it returns to uprightness. So the uprightness of equanimity is not rigid. It's not a great piece of stone that's impervious to whatever goes on.

[28:41]

It's more like a flower. The image, maybe a better one, the image in the East is like bamboo, you know? Bamboo moves around in the wind, you know? But it almost never snaps. It can be blown way over, but then it comes back up. So like this, you know? Can something in your being not resist and return. I think intellectually we can say something like, as the arising experience is cognized or

[29:57]

engaged as the experience of the moment. It's drawn into awareness and that movement is naturally returning, is moving towards balance. I would say underneath that beautiful thought is a sensibility that's more like giving over to the process of practice. Not knowing what's supposed to happen or not happen, and just staying in touch with what's going on. Sometimes it moves into clarity, sometimes it doesn't.

[31:02]

So in that regard, we can say equanimity is unconditional and resilient. And equanimity quite naturally, quite organically draws us back, sets the stage for awareness. And its great gift is that it sets the stage in a kind of nothing special way.

[32:12]

Very interesting, you know, when we start Sashin, often there is a collective feeling. We're about to do something special. Exciting, dangerous, dreadful. And then as we settle into it, it starts to undo us it's not so special this is there's it's sort of casual equanimity or maybe casual is not a good word sort of simple equanimity may be the product of sitting long and getting tired but also the product of diligence of this willingness to practice and asking for without losing nothing special

[33:53]

Can the opportunity provided by this quieting, opening, can the opportunity provided be an opportunity for engagement? Okay, so you're not coming at this Aureoki meal with some... sense of drama but still can it be the grind of as much attention as you can bring can there be diligence with this great gift of equanimity can the other factors can the energy of involvement can the inquiry

[34:57]

open awareness can the the melting into being absorbed in can the contact the continuous contact can can we take the benefit of what equanimity provides And this is a wonderful thing to watch in yourself. You know, when we get to that place in Sachin where, yeah, this is just what we do. This is the new normal. Let it not become... the new habituated.

[36:02]

Let it stay, let your effort keep refreshing your involvement. In a curious way, can it be a big deal and no big deal at the same time? see how that matches up with Rumi. Inside, this new love die. Your way begins now, he said on the other side. Your way begins now. There's no going back

[37:09]

past is over. The only life we can live is going forward. The way begins now. Can we live the glimpses of connectedness, awakening, ease, release, opening, that have forth. Become the sky. Become the sky. Someone told me they went to a planetarium and they showed them a photograph and they said in that photograph it's two billion galaxies. Now imagine you were holding a pin at arm's length. The amount of sky covered by the tip of the pin, that's the size of the photograph.

[38:22]

So then, tiny pin prick, that's two billion. Two thousand? You sure? Okay. He just blew my story. Okay, we'll have to settle for 2,000. But still. Multiply that across the sky. I had read an article that said hundred billion galaxies. Either way, a lot.

[39:23]

A lot to become. To become that. To become the sky. Take an axe to the prison wall. We all know. Let's do it the hard way. Let's try to do everything wrong. Let's try to resist, control, push away, avoid, suppress, deny, blame others. Let's exhaust all of those just to make sure there isn't a single one on that would work. Because I might. Never can be here. Take an ax to the prison wall. Escape it.

[40:29]

Walk out like someone suddenly born into color. Walk like someone walking into and being part of a three-dimensional event that's just filled with color and sound and smell and touch walk out into that world do it now you're covered with thick cloud slide out the side. Die. And be quiet. Unconstructedness in stillness. Don't get busy writing your commentary, drawing your conclusions, having your associated memories and stories

[41:46]

Be quiet. Quietness is the surest sign that you've died. Your old life was a frantic running from silence. A silence like after we roared out Kansayan. great fools for no good reason in that quiet every sound is a gift if it's every sound has so much presence it's almost like it has shape form and color.

[42:57]

That kind of silence. That kind of quiet. Oh, and I mentioned before when Nangaku was then instructing Basso, saying, no, no, don't spend all your energy trying to become something that's in your head. That's what ought to happen. Be immersed. Be absorbed in what is. brings the stream in one ear and out the other.

[44:15]

That kind of absorption. All our efforts, our sincerity, our dedication have brought us here to this new love. we still have ambivalence how will we know what this new love is if not by experiencing it as fully directly completely as we can What is that attunement?

[45:26]

What is that way of being that can thrive in the midst of all of our conditioned responses? What kind of equanimity is that? steadily with an open heart and a clear mind at this world with its great sufferings and doesn't run frantically into noise but stays here and what greater gift could there be than that to bring to the world what intractable situation wouldn't benefit from that so maybe in the intimacy of our narrow valley

[46:52]

seems this practice is just our private club but each of us will touch the world in endless ways and to let that be instructed be supported by nurturing this way of being, this new love. And letting that touch whatever comes into our being, comes into contact with our being. And this all inclusiveness it's the natural expression when we stop saying it's all about me it's all about everything be the sky be the earth be the river be the ocean be the moment

[48:25]

Thank you.

[48:51]

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