This podcast is offered by San Francisco's Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. So, the third day of Sashin. One way, Sashin will be starting soon, hopefully. We do Sashin and Sashin undoes us. We practice and practice practices us. Suzuki Roshi said, Shishin's like this.

[01:05]

You row out into the middle of the ocean in a boat, and then the boat sinks. You know, it's like you come at it with your game plan. You come at it with, I know it's supposed to happen, and I'm going to get out there and make it happen. And then Sushin, the very effort of doing, discovers non-doing. Even Shakyamuni, you know, struggled and strained in the service of realizing that struggling and straining were not the way. But our struggling and straining has something beautiful about it.

[02:14]

It's this expression of the beauty of the human spirit, the nobility, the integrity, right in the midst of our suffering, right in the midst of this very human tendency to be self-centered, we bring forth this noble vow, this noble intention. And we roll into Shashin, we breathe into Shashin. We enter Shashin oriyoki meal by oriyoki meal, period by period of Zazen. And we discover Shashin is not what we think it is. we discover we are not what we think we are.

[03:17]

That the way we've constructed the world, our history, our future, our present, is more than what we think. Something is undone. Part of the challenge, part of the yogic challenge of Hashin, is in the midst of the undoing. To not experience it as failure. To not get distressed that our game plan is going awry. That our goal we set is not being accomplished. And in a strange way, to appreciate a bigger picture.

[04:30]

I roll out with diligent effort in the Dharma vehicle, in the Dharma boat, I set sail, I roll out with diligent, consistent effort, breath by breath, into the great ocean of reality. I start to sit, and in that sitting, there's a quickening of the life force within. And that quickening offers up whatever it offers up. Serenity, deep distress, mental anguish, mental serenity. One of the first machines I sat at Green Gulch, the first machine I sat at Green Gulch, but the third or fourth day, one of those periods I got quite concentrated.

[05:40]

And then afterwards, I got concentrated, I settled, I experienced this, I'm doing well, grasp at anything you know even the very process of being undone we can grasp at it and turn it into a story about me and all the more still with the stories we've told ourselves that we've rehearsed and listened to many many times my past is like this It has these realities to it.

[06:42]

My future, my present, my body. To allow, to facilitate, to enable something, some process of undoing. punctuate the stream of the narrative of the reality constructed by self-consciousness. Moments of pause. When the narrative is strong and determined and convincing, to experience the intensity, the emotion, maybe even the ferocity.

[07:52]

As the narrative starts to open up and loosen up, to experience it in more discreet waves. Oh, this story came up. And it lasted three seconds, three minutes. It was seen clearly. The sign of a car, travel, my Christmas vacation, being with my family. Oh, no. Oh yes, whatever the story is. Or something more mysterious. Something came up, and then there was entering dream.

[09:04]

And then after moments, not sure how many, awareness. Letting that moment of awareness register. Registering awareness, returning awareness to body and breath. not because we're constructing something, not because we're trying to get somewhere. Just bringing into clarity the activity of the moment. And when it's very painful, holding it with compassion.

[10:10]

when it's persistent and seems like it's never going to end? Patience. What is it to practice with this? It's not an idealistic question. It's a pragmatic question. It's the question that stimulates way-seeking mind. whatever is presented, wherever we find ourselves on the ocean of reality. What is it to practice here, now? Something in the midst of the urgencies of self-referencing. What is it to practice with this?

[11:15]

And as we enter Shashin, as we get close to the third day, somewhere between the third day and the ten-hundredth day, the self starts to loosen up. And it's like we start over. You know? Oh, okay. So I've been huffing and puffing and fussing. Now the request of practice is starting to be a little clearer. Now the capacity to attend to it, to respond to it,

[12:19]

is starting to be a little more available. Start over. This is our practice. We're always starting over. It's not an expression of failure. Like, oh, I was doing it all wrong, And now I need to start over and get it right. It's not an expression of success. Oh, before I was foolish. Now I'm really wise. I really know what it's all about. It's more the natural process of practice. Something unfolds, we see it. And quite naturally, now, what is it to practice?

[13:28]

And to attend carefully, you know? How do we facilitate, enable? Rather than just conjure up, a new and improved story according to me, a new and improved way of really practicing. You know, we settle a little bit and then we get enthused, dedicated, beautiful, beautiful. until it gets too involved in me. I'm going to do it. I'm going to whatever. Someone said to me once in Dogosan, they experienced some concentration, and then said, and now I look with pity on all those other people in the Zendo.

[14:44]

to be able to hold what arises in our mind lightly, closer to humor than criticism. We all have our share of self-aggrandizement. And then we all have our share of self-berating, self-criticism. What is it to just steer a steady course? A little humor about your self-grandizing? A little kindness about your self-berating? And when it's stormy and it seems hard to know which way to go.

[16:01]

You know, sometimes practice is more like, instead of two steps forward, one step back, it's more like two steps forward, one step sideways, spin around a few times till you don't know which direction you're facing. And take a step anyway. and then ask, what's happening now? You know, you're cruising along, and then you have a period of Zezanne, and it's like, what happened? Where did all that come from? Okay. Get up, do Kinyin, sit down and start over. Just stick with the basics, you know? You get quite saddled, you're filled with pity for all those other miserable people in the Zendo, just stand up, okay?

[17:17]

You'll get over it. something about steadiness, something about being undone, something about sustaining dedication and letting the dedication ripen, mature as Sashin moves along. What way will your process go? Who can say? Sometimes there's great learning in just patiently meeting difficult states of consciousness, difficult emotions.

[18:38]

unrelenting stories. Sometimes there's great learning in settling. You know, the process of practice is We take the instruction, we take of how to practice, and we bring it into the activity of being. And as we engage the activity of being, more and more the experience that arises, as there's more contact with it, becomes the teacher. Master Ma asks Liao, What sutra are you teaching?

[19:46]

Also means, what sutra are you studying? Also means, what sutra is the experience that's arising now teaching? Is it the sutra of the breath? You know, especially in the yoga that we offer in the afternoons, to breathe the body. There's a way in which we can think about our existence, that we energize the thoughts, the emotions, the concepts, the psychological formations that arise. We energize them

[20:47]

and we cling to them. We energize them, they become potent, we cling to them, they become real. Then there's potent realities asserting their influence on our life. But we can also energize existence in a different way. We can energize the sense field of physicality. So we attend to posture, but posture is an introduction to the sense field of physicality. Different experiences, physical sensations arise in the field of body. Well, usually, when we're in our thoughts and our concepts, we're thinking about body.

[22:00]

The challenge of zazen is to experience body. My knee. What is it that's called my knee? My knee hurts a lot. What is it to experience my knee hurts a lot. Can it become a sensation? So sitting with pain, my knee hurts a lot, can become a sensation that's very large. takes up a lot of consciousness. Sometimes it can become very small as we become engrossed in some other mental activity.

[23:11]

Sometimes hurts a lot when it's attended to It becomes more energetic. It's less of an idea and more of an energized sensation. And as it becomes an energized sensation, it can become mobile. it stops hurting. Sometimes it seems to move to another part of the body. Sometimes it hurts, but the quality of agitation and distress that it's been generating starts to dissipate or disappear.

[24:22]

This is the yoga of body. This is the yoga of the sense field of experiencing, physicality. And as it's experienced, as it's explored, directly is experienced and discovered and realized the impermanent, mobile nature of experience. The body, my body, my elbow, my knee, my right shoulder blade, when not held strongly with concepts, the quality of them, the character of them changes.

[25:30]

So this is a realm of existing, a realm of experiencing. closer attention invites us into. And traditionally one of those access modes is the breath. Breathing into this field of sensation. Breathing from this field of sensation. So again, in the yoga that we offer in the afternoon, in doing the movements to attend to the sensations in the body, in doing the movements to breathe into and to breathe from, and to carry this into Zazen,

[26:53]

and to carry this out from Zazen. And the heritage of the Zen school is that it centers in the Tanda, in the Hara. But whether it does or it doesn't, still the principle can be observed. Discovering something about breath body. Discovering that it's different from my body. The concepts that are put together in terms of thinking about

[27:55]

my body. Something more immediate, something more experiential, something less conceptual. So as we start to move into Shishin, we can start to engage, access, experience, And this offers a support for what we might call a shift in mind consciousness. Mind consciousness is tenacious, thoroughly determined in mind consciousness.

[28:56]

I'm the mind. I say what is. I run reality. In fact, I am reality. And your very life depends on me. So listen up. You know, lots of things go on in our mind that don't make sense. And if you haven't noticed this yet, just pay a little more attention. With a foundational breath body, an accompaniment of benevolence, kindness, patience, and a stick-to-it-ness,

[30:00]

Not a grit-your-teeth stick-to-it-ness. More of a steady, kind and patient stick-to-it-ness. Okay, let's just start over. this precious gift of being alive. How long will it last? Of course, we wish a long, long time. But who knows? something about appreciating this moment, this moment in Sashin, this quickening, this turning of who we are and what we are.

[31:14]

Liang says back to Master Ma, I teach the Heart Sutra. Study the Heart Sutra. The Heart Sutra teaches me beyond me. Starting to get in touch with the heart of our being. In a way, it's like, hmm, so this is what it is to be a life. This is what it is to be this life, this particular human life.

[32:26]

Currently, with these habits of mind, currently with these habits of emotion, This way of moving down the hall. This way of responding to food as it appears. This way of connecting or ignoring other people. This way of going to sleep. This way of waking up. This is what it is. How amazing, how extraordinary a human life is. Learning about the heart of being alive.

[33:33]

Letting the breath, letting the body return to something close, somewhere close, some sensibility close to the heart of being. Discovering What is it to not avoid? What is it to not hold up in contrast to just letting dine into? And what is it to hold that holding back or not letting dine into? What is it to hold it very, very tenderly and learn deeply about suffering?

[35:08]

Dogen Zenji said, the enlightened are enlightened about delusion. The enlightened are enlightened about grasping and suffering. That's the path. That's the access to liberation. That's the modality, the activity of realization. Dogen Zanji said, When you're at a distance, you think, oh, that's it. It's complete. You have an experience, a taste of concentration, and you think, that's it. I'm doing it. I'm doing great. I'm better than everyone else. Whatever. Some acclaim of your own completeness.

[36:13]

and you keep practicing, you get a little closer, and you see, hmm, there's still a quivering, there's still hesitancy, there's still an agitation. Since from a distance, it seems complete. When you're close, you see there's still something missing. The enlightened are enlightened about suffering, the conditioned nature of what is. So as you see your suffering, it's difficult to suffer. It takes energy. It fuses up energy.

[37:18]

It's tiring. It's discouraging. It's not encouraging. It doesn't feel like a grand success. More inclines towards some kind of limitation or failure. The more and more we can bring patience and kindness, the more and more we can discover that it's a teaching of the Heart Sutra. It teaches courage of the heart. It teaches encouragement. Okay? Now this. Now start over. Take the next breath.

[38:20]

Notice the agitation. Experience it. Experience it with breath body. Release it with breath body. Exhale. whether it's a fierce storm or just a subtle hogan. Invite something to loosen up, lighten up. And when the sun shines through the storm, and just the way the shadows of the tree or dancing on the concrete offers an enthralling image.

[39:27]

That too. Just simply appreciate, savor. It's also a teaching of the Heart Sutra. Just the way when you're moved as you notice the kindness of the person serving you. That too. Just savor, appreciate. A teaching of the Heart Sutra. step a little further into the machine what's going to happen now you know it's hard to say maybe more good stuff more moments of appreciation and savoring

[40:53]

convince you, finally. I got this sand thing licked. Maybe you have. Or more stormy seas. Old demons come back to roar and rant a few more times. Young man says, you know, either way, every day is a good day. Either way, the practice doesn't change. You just keep sitting, keep tending to posture, breathing, noticing, allowing with the inhale, releasing with the exhale.

[42:14]

When it's stormy, it's stormy, and when the sun shines, the sun shines. Every day is a good day.

[42:56]

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