Good morning. It's always interesting when you're doing something intense. It sort of commands, demands, requests, your attention. No involvement. And more we get a break. And all you do, that in demand, that involvement, listens up. It's like, what do you do? What is it to have free time? What is it to? have more time than being yourself.

[01:17]

And what does that create? I was trying to think, what would be a helpful process Explore that, you know. What did you do between now and the last time? Or maybe just, you know, when the sort of container of the intensive sort of opened up a little, gave you more time to be yourself, generate your own schedule. What came up? I was trying to think. What would be a way to talk about it that gives it some kind of order or some kind of container?

[02:25]

You know, a lot of what I was talking about last week was here are some basic notions and principles from a Buddhist perspective. dependent co-arising. You know, I started off by saying , and then the one I added was . The traditional one would be , where they added , because in the Zen school, those two co-arise . creating a container. And then somebody, making contact, paying attention, seeing what it is, going back to the source.

[03:27]

What's the fundamental experience? Something has to be seized, or at least to go back the forward momentum of what's being created, the emotion, the story. I listen to not only to what you say, but also to what makes you speak. You do that for yourself. Okay, here's what's coming up. And what's giving it its urgency, its energy? Making contact and exploring. What's happening? What is it to practice with it? And what happens when it's practiced with it? Whatever it is that comes up.

[04:28]

Whether it's calm and settling or whether it's energetic and agitated or whatever else. this kind of basis, this perspective. In contrast to the perspectives, the agendas, the deeply learned patterns of body, speech, and mind. And in a way, when we're in that context, when we're in the mandala, when we're in the container of sila, then but more inclining it in that direction of taking on a practice perspective. And then we get an approach. Say, okay, finally, I can believe, I can, I want to get to see another perspective, another expression of religion.

[05:45]

What is it to shed light on it? What is the shed light on it from the place of Buddha Dharma? What kind of question? And so just before we closed the class for last week, I threw in this story of Angolimala. So it's interesting to leave something mysterious or curious. I'm gonna get back to that. But maybe for now, if you could split it and die in it, her up to someone.

[06:49]

And I'll ask you a question that you can explore. So if you could do that. And then you can sit and trade your partner. And you can use the whole room, give yourself a little, what do you call it, a little space, give it to these dealer shelves. Okay, see you later. So this is not quite as as a question of nature. A little more discursive thought.

[07:57]

But still, not intending to just settle back into, oh, here's the story of me, that I'm always writing and directing, or sometimes directing, sometimes chasing after. So if you choose who's going to go first, what person will ask and will answer? Do you want to go first? Do you want to go first? One person asks, one starts from answers. And I'm not sure how often you'll need to ask a question, but the question is something like this. What you want your partner to do is to be as descriptive as possible.

[09:02]

Not so much drawing conclusions or judgments from what happened for them over the weekend, but to simply be as descriptive. You want them to step back into their subjective world. We're not worried so much about what Prompted that. Just let's not worry too much about the content. I went to the movie and I saw a movie about, you know, whales. And I love whales. I think they're the most intelligent creature in the world. Well, what was it like? What happened? So. You can start with, what were the memorable highlights of a weekend? Subjectively, you know? Was it memorable because of the degree of emotion? Was it memorable because you find it fascinating and completely involved in it?

[10:12]

That sense. So yes, if you could, there's a three there, if you could, I'm going to speak for about three minutes each. Okay? And here's how you guide your partner. Thank you. That's the question. You try to help your partner not to go too far into content. Well, it was raining when we went to the movie, and it would be because, you know, it costs men, are they? Can you believe this? Do not remember what movies were at $1.50.

[11:15]

You know? You're trying to help your partner stay close to what's happening What were the thoughts? What were the feelings? Notable physical sensations, you know. Did you open? Did you close? You know, what, what? So if they start to tell you about when they were growing up in New Jersey and movies were a dollar, you know, gently, like, you know, gently say, cut the crap. You know, Just close your eyes. Just be receptive to what's going on for you.

[12:19]

And then when I ring the bell, start to ask. And remember, you're guiding. You're not judging. You're not controlling. Nothing special has to happen other than helping the person be in touch with their subjective experience. General, if you could make your... If you could pass your neck, you were in. Where would there be the contrast in the hot spot? The hot spot was not here before I pass. Before there we go much. Where do I have breakfast?

[13:26]

Let go. you know, and she wasn't very interested because I was very interested about the incentive. And she looked at voice-wise and said, well, see how not it passed. And I knew that was, you know, like, I don't know what we were happy to do, but when we talk about something that's really enjoyable, like, it invites you to rest and And then started, you know, then drove that, oh, my God, I need to go down the slope. So it felt like that. So, like, I don't know why I was trying to do that. I was trying to do that. So on Saturday, I was going to be a tough

[14:26]

I don't want to go read from here or not. And from the physical effort of, you know, being like, not moving, not moving, not moving. And so sadly, I have like all this training, but I wasn't trying to treat it to what was essential, so I wanted to do this, and I wanted to do this, and I wanted to help with that. And I ended up taking my route, and I was able to be happy for a long time, which felt pretty good. And I also got a job. that I love. We stick together as that were very fun.

[15:27]

Like after making this guy go for good. She always made a good body. That was a good level of discipline. During that, it was a way that, you know, her joy of creating and at some point, It's laid down. I'm like, John, can you play while I take it out? And I, he was like, yeah. So now for the questioner, just to ask, what is it to practice with that? Just that. Just say those words. What is it to practice with that, that which you just spoke of? With what? [...] It's okay. There's a new question.

[16:30]

I'll get back there. Yeah. I feel that the extra extra is too wrong. Beans are my girls. All right. Baby. Baby. about the future and what feels right and what doesn't. Not really knowing how to integrate my heart and the gut feeling. So I thought, it's not really a good time to make decisions. It was just like a good time. That's what I try to do. Just like, be separate of the body. It's meditation.

[17:31]

It's not like my normal meditation. Bring your answer to a close. How do people feel? It sounds like it allows you to make decisions. Okay, and then if you could just be silent, please. Zoom back into what you're thinking and feeling. And it will reverse rules. What, what, how would you be convinced? If I think back on life today, it feels like a lot happened, but actually nothing happened because it was all online.

[18:50]

I guess, like, the main thing that's going on this weekend was I was working on an essay in 2000 that's about breathing and about my mother's death. And so I think the kind of thing was just that way. So the question is something about a painter and be a capitalist, more a painter and somehow more yourself. And I feel like, well, read ratings, it's effective in a way that maybe she'll do, but it's writing. So, well, I thought there was something on community as well.

[19:56]

Okay. And, like, somewhere. Yeah. And, uh, anyway. I was trying to get one of the things I was telling a lot. Having that sense of truth to me, the power with a series of patterns, how powerful this recurrent pattern needs to be pushed from the back. There's a standard of longing for some of these conditions to, like, upset by constantly being a little less than that. And the essay feels like I just wrote it. And anyway, I sent it out, and there's anything about sending it out that I, like, moved much. And I think that's probably why I feel like something happened again, because it's just, like, the path for a long time.

[21:01]

And I plan to, like, go on your way. But anyway, I think, like, what I... stage right now that I'm not really caring what happened this weekend. Like something happened and like right now I just feel like that's where I am and I feel a lot burdened by something and I'm glad that that happened. I asked a lot, like, and there were various points where something that was difficult, I just shot with it, just read it, and it was a repeat. Like, that happened several times. And I feel like that energy that built in the groups of being against it, felt that feeling is really fine on me again.

[22:08]

It's so cold, like, what ended it? But, yeah, there's, so it's feeling that, like these waves of grief, like, total, and then my life. Then just to ask your partner, what is it to practice with that? that when she just spoke.

[23:13]

and the energy you gain comes from that. Kind of like what you were saying about the exhaustion of just following your mind around and all of the various possibilities. Kind of the kind of change. It's just manifesting itself in so much way to crack the piano. It's like there's a point that I'm going to have one step off of my life. Okay. So that's hard if I'm just like, what if I just try to see the screen? I'm very excited I'm going to do something. And then I feel like you can turn to the world. And of course the fire is obviously an inspiration.

[24:28]

That's an example of . And about everything. So it's something felt different. If you could just close your eyes again, please. Just become aware of what's thoughts and feelings, physical sensations. And if you would, just invite your partner and then come back to the back of the room.

[25:36]

Oh, God. So when did you arrive from that? helpful to have a container. It's helpful to have a container. What was that? Like a body. Like a body. Like the air. Like the air. Helpful to have a day off. Helpful to have a day off.

[26:50]

Yes? I actually did talk about this with my partner, but I knew I got lit being sorry we couldn't know what you were going to ask this question. I just tried to, at the weekend, like I made it with me. Trying to be as best as possible. And so this process of inquiry or back and forth, what did you learn from that? From the dialogue you just had with your partner? What did you learn from that dialogue, that exchange? I learned something about my partner, a little bit about who she is, what she's experiencing, and emotions were coming up for her, being into the city and so forth, and just feeling a new and connection.

[28:14]

Thank you. a human connection like my partner and what's going on with it. I was inspired by what my partner said in terms of how she chose to deal with whatever came up for her in terms of committing to an intention, and it was really helpful to hear how that helped her get through some conflicts and have some release. It was interesting for me that I didn't think I had a particularly mindful or practice-oriented weekend.

[29:28]

And then it all came up for me and Zaza on Sunday night. I felt like I was just sitting with the repercussions of the last day and a half. Just everything that had happened. So when she was sitting on Sunday night, the repercussions of the weekend sort of came up. And how was the exchange with regards to that? That actually brought that out for me. I don't think I would have seen that as practice and the weekend tied together had we not had that exchange. I feel like I'm not answering your question. Thank you. I thought you did. Yes, please. You know, I remember on the weekend, you know, I had the idea, okay, great, there's time off. I could kind of do my other stuff.

[30:28]

And when the weekend actually came, I did my laundry. And there seems to be all this other stuff waiting for me to do. I definitely noticed, you know, thoughts and habits, you know, wanting to come back I did not chronically try to do all this other stuff that I thought I should be doing. And how was it to discuss that with your partner in the dialogue? It made me realize that more as well. Yeah. So there's something about how do we let the experience register, be acknowledged, register, and be a teacher.

[31:33]

So in that dialogue, there were a couple of notions in my mind. is that there's a way in which closing something prefers us for what's over. Okay, let this end, and then this can begin. If you think about it often, in our subjective consciousness, there's the repetition of unfinished business. Sitting in Zazen on Sunday night, thinking about the unfinished business of the weekend, or the unfinished business of what happened when we were 10, 20, yesterday. And there's something about letting it be acknowledged.

[32:53]

And almost digest it. Okay. That is what it was. That is how it is. It's like letting it come to rest. Your weekend was your weekend. It was exactly what it was. You had exactly the experience you had. far beyond, you know, right and wrong, successively. You may have found it delightful or painful, inspiring, utterly discouraging, all sorts of amazing things. And you may have all sorts of ideas and opinions and judgments and conclusions from that being exactly what it was. Okay. There you go.

[33:54]

That's where you're at. And that's just how it is. And it seems like as humans, one of the hardest things for us is that, can the weekend be over? Cognitively, we look at each other like, Well, that's a stupid question. We all know this is money. But when you look at it from Genta, it's a much more interesting question. It's like, can something, see, can something come to rest? You know? Angolimala, Shartakta Buddha, stop, stop. Who's asking who to stop?

[35:02]

Where is the urgency that keeps things moving? Who has the authority to come to rest? What is that process? What has to happen before we can say about something? what it is. Here. And it's very interesting because you would think, well, if you let it come to rest, something won't be missing. How do you get rid of the wind when she was too much? Or how do you fix the way in which it was too little?

[36:08]

So this is our exploration. In some ways it has to do with attention. In some ways it has to do with red view. rather than being so caught up in your story that you just can't help but tell the story of what it was like to live in New Jersey when movies cost $1.50. So it's about letting go. In some ways, it's to do a certain kind of clarity. That was my experience, that is what happened. So last week I was offering a kind of cluster of Buddhist ideas.

[37:27]

Here's a cluster of Buddhist ideas and you can put your experience in them. And then those Buddhist ideas will create a context that will support an awareness and set the stage for how to practice with the human life. Any human life, every human life, whatever a human life can create. has to bring that and think, well, what you do this week, and that can capture everything you did, anything you did. And then when we relate to it, mindfully, with Sakji, without disputing its myriad forms,

[38:39]

It comes to rest, it comes to so it is, just as it is, just this. And sometimes what helps us there is what happened? What is it to practice with it? Did you like it? Did you dislike it? Was it good or was it bad? Did you succeed or did you fail? Are you a better person as a consequence of it or are you a worse person? And all the other amazing questions and comments that we apply to our life.

[39:43]

That's what I'll handle it. Let's keep the stream of unfinished business going. So I'll go with Mala. It's got a magenta, you know? Apparently a pretty fierce violent was it. Somewhere in this story, something happened. So here's my question to you. It regards this story. What was the most important point of that story, finally, Mala and Jacqueline? The most important point

[40:47]

I thought it was that even after he stops his haver energy of killing people and is ordained, his consciousness keeps the myriad of illusions keep coming after him, the villagers keep coming after him. And in some ways it was like just maybe the residue of his karmic actions that never stopped. even though he stopped, he stopped his destructive behaviors, religious didn't stop, in one sense. It was still a karmic group of questions out of that. Was that Judith's book? To stop. To stop. And now I'm thinking about the pictures.

[42:03]

I mean, I'm not thinking about the pictures. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Chris? From you, it was really about the footage you picked it. The bullet didn't fix it. You just said. Okay. Yeah. Is Ambil Amala the suffering, his suffering caused by his suffering, that he was able to find suffering from his suffering if not from the consequences of his actions? Yes, sir. Ambil Amala realized what the situation was. I think for me it was just all this question. Which question?

[43:09]

You're asking me to say, What's always helpful to me in that story is that it's framed like he's wearing the fingers of the people he killed around his neck like he's done such heinous acts. And so it's like it just shows such a possibility, an ongoing possibility of transformation like that. However I want to exaggerate the gravity of some mistake I think I've made, that it's always possible to just, like, the moment is fresh. It's just sort of like this constant freshness of the moment that that story points to. Like, even if you've killed a bunch of people and you're wearing them around your neck, you can stop.

[44:15]

And it just seems like a story about forgiveness. A story about forgiveness, no matter how far, even if you are wearing a bunch of fingers around your neck, you can still come to the place of transformation. Stop me. point, it's that even though was able to change behavior, become liberated, and was completely free, but he still had this carmark, which has started hard, been falling, and where he's been all shit. In other words, I'm going to all of them, so I'm not accepting the responsibility of the So Angobit Mahler says to Buddha, you stop.

[45:29]

Interesting point. And he's racing after him, but he can't catch up. Even though Buddha is just walking at a steady Buddha pace. And yet somehow they get to the same place. When we ask what's happening, we receive and accept whatever answer we get. And that can only be answered from a state of deep samadhi, of deep equanimity, No, whatever you got is what you got. That's today's way.

[46:34]

That's today's meal. Here it is, whatever it is. But this tendency we have is to externalize. You can't externalize the blame. If it wasn't for all of you, I'd be stopped a long time ago. Or we can externalize the salvation. I'm not going to be able to be saved until Shachamuni Buddha comes to my rescue. Whatever that might be. I'm not going to be able to stop until I hear a really good Dharma come. So it's stopping, it's not about the perfect conditions that have been created.

[47:50]

So what I'm There's a line that whatever happened at your weekend is whatever happened. Whatever your current life has created over to now, still it will be back here and now. There's something about the dharma and the karma of me. And it's not about cleaning up your karma and reassert it with more determination. It's not about saying, well, I don't need to do anything. The Dharma is just going to save me. You know, I'll just go to the Zendo and sit there and worry about this and fantasize on that. And all the good stuff will happen, you know. something more interactive.

[48:55]

Yes. Bring yourself to the little. Bring yourself to your body and your breath and your mind. Bring yourself to being them completely. Bring yourself to draw an all-self. So it's the true proposition. On one hand, it includes everything. And then on the other hand, it as precise request. How exactly does that happen? We studied that. We examined that. We explored that. We decided to discover how to design that. It's not the product of self-activity, but it includes self-activity. to be explored, experienced, revealed, realized.

[50:05]

And the Dorma says something about our comic life when we start to meet it. What did you do this weekend? Oh, you know, what did I do this weekend? Something about starting to need it in the context of the Dharma. Who knows what our usual karmic question is. That sort of keeps something going. The karmic question reactivates the karma. The Dharma question activates something else. So this is an interesting proposition for us. What's happening? The skillfulness of asking what's happening is maybe a very permissive and inclusive question.

[51:16]

And of course, we answer it almost automatically by what's not happening. Well, I'm not that complicated. Well, actually, right now, I'm not that focused. I'm not practicing as well as that person over there. Or I'm not aiming toward as much as I was when I was 13. What's happening? Letting the quietest human have a potency and authority. What's happening now? When you're on your cushion, when you come to awareness as you're walking down the hall, when you're eating lunch in the dining room, when someone is saying something to you and you're feeling yourself contract,

[52:24]

and become anointed. And then what is it to practice with? And then, what happens when it's practiced with? This is, in Zen, what we call it turning, what we call it turning our car lock or turning the Dharma wheel. Either way, both. They both turn. Do you have any thoughts, any comments, any questions about that? Could you talk a little bit about practicing with good happy times. When Lucy asked me, how do you practice with that, I realized I had a nice time and I didn't really know how to practice.

[53:41]

Yes, you are a vegetarian. We're eating tomorrow. It's wonderful. Thank you. Because it's a wonderful kind of innocent question. And then in another way, it's an extraordinary question. How do we let ourselves feel? How do we let ourselves come into a condition where we can heal? where we can recreate, where whatever has been worn down can be re-nurtured and recovered. How do we let the way in which we find it be soothed and loosened by that which is enjoyable, by that which is pleasurable?

[54:51]

I mean, in some ways, it seems like most of our problems come around being unpleasant. Our problems are around the pleasant, too. But is practice always about the unpleasant? I mean, that's the... That's what I think it's not. I'm saying pleasant... Or I mean, around problems. Is practice always about problems, or can it just be... It seems to me that when I'm having a good time... all those things are already happening, that I'm relaxing, that I'm enjoying, that I'm restoring myself and all those things. Is practice something on top of that? What I would say, Jean, is that those things of healing, restoring, being replenished, being nurtured, when that's being allowed, They have their own authority.

[55:56]

Something in us just feels the appropriateness of it. It's when... It's when we're limiting that or cutting that off in some way. This isn't the real practice, you know. Or we grasp at it, you know. We want... It becomes self-indulgent. Okay, well, for little is good. I want to be... I want a bucket full. You know. The classic cup of coffee is good. I want a leader. Or whatever it is. Thank you. It's like talking last week, you know, and then Thich Nhat Hanh talks about it in Neverhand on that game, where he talks about this, you know, as I was saying, you know, the attributes of shamatha are about this pausing, this stopping. Then the other attribute is about settling, about tranquility.

[56:59]

And that's enabling a human. And then the extension of that, it's to be enlightened, to be nurtured, to recreate. And I would say very much that has its place. And actually, almost paradoxically, as practitioners, that's one of our challenges, to have a good time. All those happy times of shames. I find that it's interesting. It seems that the happy times, joyful times, they don't... I don't review those as much. Like, small mind always wants to go to the hurts, always wants to go to what I did wrong, and it seems to be a lot more energy and emotion attached to the bad times as opposed to the good times.

[58:02]

Yeah. Right. I think that's because the unhappy times, the unpleasurable times, have more of a sense of being unfinished. You know? When someone passes you in the hall, It says, hey, how are you? It's easier to feel finished with that conversation than if they kind of insult you and hurt your feelings and then walk off. Although I didn't have this experience where someone left me anonymously a piece of chocolate on my door. And I was like, who left me this chocolate? Someone left me chocolate. And I realized I was obsessing about, I caused myself to suffer over something, someone nice. And I'm like, who did it? Who was it? I was like, wow, this is really weird. So I guess there was some mental suffering with trying to figure out who would have done this nice thing and why, what did I do, what did they want, or why did they do that?

[59:07]

I'm trying to give up chocolate. So I did suffer over something nice. So there you go. What were you... But if I could add, you did seem to rather creatively add something to the niceness. Yeah, sure. I mean, I would say the niceness may have been, you know, thoughtfulness, generosity, appreciation, kindness. And let them flow over you like a cooling breeze, like a warm water. harder I say when you say that I just even suddenly to somebody did something nice for me like I always I just feel like the sad like this uh like it's hard to take in and so it seems like the process I have is yeah the mind moves me away from actually feeling cared for yeah yeah that sucks

[60:07]

Right there with anger. Yeah. Like the beast to be just there and present when someone does something nice, just want to try. But to let the experience of coverage now be what it is, and to ask, what is it to practice with the What should I be feeling now? What should I not be feeling now? What does this say about me? What does this say about somebody else? Okay. Any of that or all of that I wanted to practice with? And Jake's observation made me remember, sometimes reading yesterday about, not on St.

[61:25]

Plagasins, but about the seeds, how we have the spirit filled with all the seeds. And I think I remember it like this in saying that in your time paper, someone plugged with family. to have sati there as a sponsor with that feeling and to hold it. But then he also goes on to say, when you're happy, you're feeling joy to water, to like intentionally water that seed in your practice or in your mind so you gain strength and more presence in your body or sometime in the future when you need to call upon sati to sponsor I just wondered if you could say a little bit more about that in terms of practicing. I guess the first thing would be to actually notice, to actually notice in your body when you're happy, and then to water that.

[62:35]

How would it be? Well, fundamentally, watering is something And our impulse is to contract, whether it's physically or emotionally or mentally, around the unpleasant. Part of the gift of the pleasant is that it is easier to open to. And so... As I was saying again, there's actually a helpfulness and an appropriateness in terms of practice to deliverably open to the pleasant, to allow the pleasant to be experienced, all the way from healing, to nurturing, replenishing, to recreating.

[63:39]

When we are worn down by the unpleasant, it taxes us. But the pleasant replenishes, it restores, it renews. And to be attentive to that process of opening up, of being available. So when someone does or says something pleasant to us, But we actually let it register, you know? And maybe offer thanks or offer an invitation to be with us in that. Thank you very much. I really appreciate you saying that. That's a very nice thing to say. Thanks. Okay, you know. change the subject.

[64:41]

Or dismiss it. Oh, it was nothing. It was something. Now, I want to introduce it then, but I didn't write the book. I think Suzuki Roshi once said that Zen was learning how to appreciate our life. And I've always had one thing that Zen really needs getting back to our original nature. And I think that there are artists that teach about movies that That nature is originally full of joy, full of peace, full of loving kindness, and full of compassion.

[65:52]

That's our original natural state, and that we can all return to that state. I think it's important that as we recognize What we return to is non-dual. It's not like I return to this and here I am. The first sense of I is part of my sacraments. That in returning, something is experienced. And that which is experienced is co-created. It's like the pleasantness is not just something that happened to me. It's a co-creation. And the water in the sea is engaging it and letting it, allowing it to be felt completely.

[66:56]

It's important to remember that part, too, that the original state is not my original state. The original state is going on. It's all of our original state. And it automatically gives rise quite spontaneously and completely automatically to a feeling of unconditional kindness. If you say so. We don't believe that. What I'm trying to point out to you is that that such comments take us are contained within dualistic terminology.

[67:59]

What I'm trying to point out to you is that some comments take us are within the context of duality. And that's why Zen will have all these odd terms that are not, in conventional ones, are not so logical, are not so linear. Even Dugan Zenji, he said, forget the self. It's a very interesting verb, forget itself. And the ten thousand things come forth to each such thing. Because it's all worse. So I'd like to mention a koan by Yeoman.

[69:25]

So here's the koan. And you can think about this. We can think about it, because it reflects on this. Koan is this. It's a statement by Yeoman. He said, medicine and disease subdue each other. whole world is medicine what is itself you know that last part relates to what we were just discussing medicine and disease do each other the whole world is medicine what is itself and I can say to you that the conversation we just had for the last hour is A discussion, commentary, and exploration of that code.

[70:27]

So sometimes it's interesting to hear it in different terminology, different language. And see what that stirs up. And then we'll talk about it tomorrow. Clean thine away.

[71:09]

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