Emptying Yourself To Receive The Gift To Give It Away Again

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SF-03096
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Sunday Lecture

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intention
the beautiful day a greengrocer there

so many people are in shorts and
ready for fun
and i've been absent from here quite a bit last few weeks
so i feel like i'm visiting to
for the day
because i'm going away again tomorrow
so for all the green gulch residents who happened to be in the room this morning hello and goodbye
i guess it's always like that
i was tassajara for a while
and things are marvelous down there
i had a good time
and then last week i was teaching poetry
at naropa institute in boulder colorado
i had a nice week there

and
in the summer they have lots of visiting poets show up so many students common a erect a tent
just like the one that we used to have on the lawn here when we were renovating the zendo
and in the tent or they have big a colloquium and lectures and so on
and sam hamill jose
poet lives in now i think washington state
and translates quite a bit of
chinese and japanese poetry
he was speaking
and he was talking about the process of
ready poetry
and he said something that i thought was
really wonderful that i would like to share with you this morning
he said that he thought that poetry was a process
of first
emptying yourself
in order to receive the gift
then receiving the gift
then giving the gift away the gift of the poem receiving the poem and giving it away
and then haven't given it away
emptying yourself again to receive the gift to give away the gift to him to yourself to receive the gift to give away the gift
and so on
and he said it was to engage in this process that was important to him
even know the word poet means maker
he said it wasn't what he made that was important but that for him that he was engaged in this process of emptying and receiving and giving
i thought that was
a wonderful way to look at it

i was on a tight schedule arrived there about midnight
and
they put you up an apartment
and there's two bedrooms in the apartment and you have a roommate
and i found out that my roommate was going to be hubert selby jr
i don't know if few remember heard of hubert selby jr but
here at this great book that i read many years ago was published and nineteen sixty three it was caught last exit to brooklyn
recently was made into a movie
and i read it you know in the sixties and i can't really remember it but i just the impression that i have had of it was that it was sincere
very raw and powerful
book about
people in brooklyn where
and i'm in a haze of alcoholic confusion
and violence
that are you remember it was really
remember there was a bar and there were holes transvestite seen
and anywhere
i was pretty tired and out of it and i was thinking wow what's this going to be such
hubert selby jr his roommate
and
so i arrived at midnight and there are two bedrooms and both the doors were closed and i didn't know which
dora was the one where she works selby jr was sleeping and are doing who knows what in
in which was the one that i was supposed to be sleeping in
so i kind of
know knocked on one door and turn out to be that was nobody in there so
i went to sleep and woke up the next morning
i'm thinking a kind of interested to finally meet my roommate hubert selby jr i didn't know what to expect

well it turned out that
he was
a saint or ascent that's only word i can use to describe him
he was really wonderful person and
some people
have a smile
when they smile
it's like the whole sky and whole universe lights up
and that's how cubby was because he calls himself covey that's his name indignant coffee
so and has a crooked teeth so when he smiles and you see as crooked teeth it's
really wonderful and he has he's from brooklyn so it
and if and he's you know in his late sixty's so
from a generation previous too many of us from brooklyn
so it was astonishing
and very surprising to find out
how he how he was
and he will had been you know alcoholic and involved in lots of violence and maybe a drug addict to and he nearly died a number of times
in his earlier years
but he wanted to tell me about what happened to him somehow
ah and just that the edge of the abyss you know
something happened to him had an amazing experience and he said i can't explain it it can't explain it
but it went on for a long time he said
some experience of transcendence
and he stopped
drinking and he stopped using drugs and he stopped his life of violence
and he just gave himself up completely to this experience of transcendence whatever it was
he just gave himself up completely in his darkest hour
and he said he felt met by the whole universe in that giving up
so he was really glad that i was as roommate because he said i really want to talk to you about zen i don't know anything about them but i must present he said
i feel like i must be sent i wish i could imitate you know the way that he speaks so wonderfully and he said that he practices sitting he just invented it on his own it's described to me how he said he said it must be something like this thing i heard about called be passion or something must be like that
that he said i just sit there quietly
and i let go of when i'm any thinking
and i just stay there for a long time and sometimes i don't even know where i am
and something else happens
and that he does this every day for he's done it for twenty six years everyday ever since you stopped
drinking and so on
and he was so enthusiastic about it
in the in the and europa
various people who comes give workshops
and then a students you know you're there for a week and you get three to our workshops and the students sign up for the workshops and he was by far the most popular teacher all the students wanted to be in his workshop
he had been there before and i guess his reputation
preceded him
and because he was so kind
they all new and so giving of his time and so personable you know
he's like i say in his late sixty's and he's pretty frail
among all the other things that happened to me at several times collapsed lungs and he had many of his ribs removed so it looks quite frail and thin
and
he it's boulders don't know how many feet above sea level but there is a little thin and just walking up steps it's hard for him because hard to breathe
so he would have to take rests but he spent more time than anybody meeting with students
there are always students coming over and he was always going to europa early to have coffee and hang out with the students
and he said you know what i'm really trying to do is just give them the spirit of what i'm of what i'm living
so they can feel that they have something to offer in their writing
and then we did a poetry reading there were four of us and and he and i were to of the for
and we had a person introducing us who a great introductions and she
said that cubby was noteworthy because of his humility she never met anyone so much humility and when she said that he burst out laughing is a very high pitched laugh
he burst out laughing when she said that and stood up and took a bow
the
and when he got up to read said that he prided himself on his humility

and i get one dharma talk you know when i was there there's a zen group there i get one dharma talk and he was very excited about it he wanted to come to go to the dharma talks to hear about zen
and it was really great i gave a talk and there he was sitting in the back and he was just beaming the whole time
and i felt like i was giving the talk to him
you know he just was drinking in all of it he just thought it was the greatest thing you've ever heard he was so excited about it

so that was one of the features for me being in europe i hope where he lives now in west hollywood
he said he really likes it because he has a wonderful group of friends all x new yorkers
and he really likes it there
anyway i hope some time he'll come up and visit us because
is an extraordinary person
so when i was at europa
i didn't sit every everyday
i took the time off from sitting
and i always say you know it's
there's only one thing better than not sitting every day that's the only one thing better than sitting everyday that's not sitting everyday
like here at green gulch when you hear the bell and the ceremony is happening the service or whatever it's great thing because if you go to the service and that's good and if you don't go to the service that's good too
but it's happening you know you're aware that it's happening when you've sat for many years you know that every day is a day of sitting even if you're not sitting
so the way things when i took the opportunity
not to sit and it's good because some
to sit all the time maybe you'll get used to it too much used to it
so it was an opportunity to refresh
my sitting by not sitting
and then i sat after about three or four days coming back in ohio
sat and
then you could really remember
what a great thing it is to sit

if you sit a lot over a number of years as i have done
just sitting down
in the posture of zazen
even before you begin practicing thousand just to sit down and the posture of zazen
there's a wonderful thing and i remembered that you know after not sitting for a little while being in boulder
just sitting down in the posture of zazen you already
i feel so wonderfully and gently held
by the universe
you already feel that yourself
is emptied
and just gently given to you as you said
and it is such a wonderful relief
to sit there
and allow the self to empty
not to have to do anything
not to have to be anyone
not to have to keep track of anything
not to have to produce anything
just to let everything go and just be there
to open up the hands of sought
and let everything gently fall all around you like snowflakes
and i remembered how nice that is
you might have very good concentration
you might have not so good concentration
but it's obvious that it really doesn't matter
just to sit there
is enough
i just to sit in the middle of your life with your hands open
is enough

and then when you get up you really feel as if you have received
a marvelous gift of this life
and your impulse is to want to give it away
and then whatever you see in front of you to do
and you give away your gift

and so i feel it's a natural outgrowth of our practice to want to do things for others
two want to express ourselves
and we see from our ancestors in japan so many ways that they devised to express their practice and to give gifts to the world
in the different zen arts
and i think one naturally wants to do something to help others in the world
not for some fancy important
reason
but simply because we want to give
so that we can empty ourself
so that we can receive the gift so that we can give the gift so that we can empty ourselves round and round
and i think sam hamill is right that this is the process of all art not only poetry
and it's also the process of
life if we live authentically and truly
this is our process
the practice of giving as the first of six practices that
describe the lifetime after lifetime pass of the bodhisattva
i'm giving
morality
patience
energy
concentration and wisdom these six parameters
describe a lifetime path of dharma
and it all begins with the practice of giving
lately i realized that when we sit down in the cushion
we are like
the monks and nuns in the time of buddha who possessed absolutely nothing
when we sit down we give everything up we actually give up all our possessions
it's so troublesome to have a lot of stuff did you ever notice
we feel we have to have an it's just reasonable but it's so troublesome
everything needs painting and fixing and paying for it
hauling around and so on it's so troublesome but when we sit down we've just given up
it's great were free of it
our relationships which was so wonderful and also so troublesome sometimes
just give him up
when we sit down we give them up
all our thoughts and our emotions and are neuroses and are karma's and are dharmas just
give it up sit down and that's what we really do we do give them up
whether we notice it or not we do give them up when we sit
no
and we empty ourselves
until there's nothing left of us are just the very quiet flow
a reality
in and out
round and round
and then we get up and continue the practice of giving
as things come to us in our lives
thoughts inspirations relationships possessions emotions as these things come to us
we want to give them away
and we give them away with great joy

we know what it feels like to flow in this way with reality
to open up
to receive what comes to us and to turn around and give it away
we can feel what that's like
and so we can feel what it's like when that flow is blocked
we know what that feels like to
and we practice patience when we feel blocked in that way
and by practicing patients eventually we discover where
the occlusion is
and we just relax right there
and let the flow continue

oh i'm holding on here we see
how afraid i am
what am i really afraid of what do i really have to lose
macau
unhappy and confused this holding on is making me
can't i just let go of it

maybe at first we might have some justification
for are holding on we might have some affirmation of are holding on
and not at first realize how unhappy it's making us
but if we are patient and we are honest with ourselves not fooled by our habitual thinking we will see
that all our experiences of holding on
and produce unhappiness and inaccuracy in our life
and eventually when we see this we will let go
we will flow on with our life
and we will find some ease and joyfulness
in our living
and we will appreciate
this bright and marvelous world
and take delight in what comes to us
so this practice of giving
is basic to our
way of life and then
a dog and then she writes about it and says once you understand it
given that is once you understand giving you see
that being born and dying are both giving
all productive labor is fundamentally giving
leaving flowers to the wind birds to the seasons are also
acts of giving
logan says
and i've always loved this particular saying of zen master dogan about giving
to think of just being alive as an act of giving and receiving is a beautiful way to look at it from to think
we have all received this
life these bodies and minds which are so absolutely unbelievable
there
writing huge amounts of stuff about the different computers that they develop and might develop and how they will change our life but think of this body and mind is so far surpasses
even anything that any computer freak has dreamed of
let alone produced
and it's free
yeah
so we have received something
truly astonishing
and we have no idea how it came to us
no one really knows
of course you know we can explain
scientifically the process of birth and conception and so on and so forth
but anybody who has seen a birth
participated in a birth intimately knows at this explanation
explains very little
it's simply begs the question but how did this happen

also when i was in colorado i had a very wonderful evening with some old friends several people actually who
have been students here and are living now in colorado and had dinner one night with a wonderful couple
who just had a child and i for one year old child now
and
they live in a place where you can see the mountains you know from their window and i guess it's common there in the summer to have tremendous lightning storms
so we were sitting
watching the lightning on the mountain
really spectacular lightning
and they were saying
we don't understand you know how this child came to us at such a miracle

you know they said they thought about it and they have many ideas and there's not one the when will was born they were astonished
nothing that they had thought or felt
had prepared them for this
and i know i have sons and i remember i was there
it's probably the only one who saw them really saw them being born
and
there was astonishing

and this is true all our lives every moment
we received this unexplainable gift to be alive
in every moment we have the chance to turn that gift back
to receive it again
and for me it's one of the saddest things that we are most of us so often
mad at ourself
or disappointed in ourself
are resistant to herself
and so we forget
actually forget what this gift is
we forget that each one of us is
a gift
and that it would be impossible for the world to continue without us

just to take part in this endless transformation enlists gift giving that is our world
it's great

and whatever we do with our lives is a gift
work is such an important thing and again it's so sad to see the way that we view
work and that we've created a world in which we forget almost completely
how work is always a gift
and i often say that learning the virtue and dignity of true work
is i think the most valuable lesson that we learn in zen training certainly this was true for me
of all the things that i've learned you know about life in practice practicing in
this i think has been the most important and the most liberating
to live is to work and to work is to give
whatever we do
we should do it as carefully
and as mindfully as we can
but more more important than this even we should see whatever we do as an offering as a gift
and i've always felt that this is one of the best aspects of our
traditional practice in zen is that we have a tradition of work as giving
and here at zen center we have always worked
not as something that we had to do to support our practice but as something that is our practice
and we've always had such wonderful modes of work
cooking taking care of our guests
fixing things that fall apart and building things that weren't there before
growing flowers growing food
each and every one of these things are the most profound act of giving
and says
all productive labor is fundamentally giving
and the part about leaving flowers to the wind and birds to the seasons are also acts of giving this has always struck me too
because when you leave flowers to the wind the wind might come and blow them down
and when you live birds to the seasons the wintertime might come
and kill birds
to leave things profoundly alone
trusting
in the powers of the universe
without trying to control things and make them be the way we would like them
this to a dog and says is a wonderful act of giving
he says also later on and his same chapter the same piece of writing
flowers on a distant hillside

i don't think he means that we should climb a distant hillside
and get the precious flowers and bring them back to the altar and offer them to the buddha
i think he means that to leave the flowers on the distant hillside and just appreciate them there
is to make a wonderful gift to the buddha
so even though in some
countries in the past they have made gigantic golden buddhas
and huge
buddhist temples
which i appreciate to quite wonderful
i don't think that we need to do this
i don't think it's necessary that we erect massive buddha halls
and giant images
if we will allow ourselves and our world to be as it is
to protect and appreciate things as they are
this will be a tremendous gift to the triple jewel

you know as i was
thinking about this morning's talk
and turning my mind to this wonderful theme of giving
i was very eager and happy to come and speak with you
because i've always felt that this program that we have on sundays is one of the great examples of buddhist and universal practice of giving
you may not think of it this way but the truth is
that you're coming here on sunday
with your practice and your enthusiasm
is a great gift to us who live here
it really helps us
and then when you make donations in the basket it really helps us and when you buy vegetables and whatever you do it really helps us it's a real gift
and then the people who come in the mornings to make muffins as a gift to give to you so that you give a gift back
eh
and then a students who begin early in the morning preparing
the place setting up the chairs getting ready for everyone coming
it's their gift which they give because they want to get
and then the speaker comes in you know wanting to give a gift
in what here she says
and receives a gift back from the audience far exceeding the gift giving

and i am very aware that when you come here
and receive a gift and give a gift
you go back to your families in your lives and your jobs and whatever it is you do and you give that gift to others
so if there are three hundred people in this room or two hundred people
gift is received by one thousand people or two thousand people
so the gift travels round
sometimes a very unexpectedly

well i thought since
i was talking about poetry i read a few points for you just to conclude
i usually read palms buyer

really good poets but today i thought i'd read a poem by my aunt my aunt and my own portrait
so i want to reduce some short poems just they may have nothing to do with what i've been talking about but
this for the fun of it
i say me because i don't always know what they have to do with
this poem is this is my political pawn
it's called work with it work with it
and anatomically correct yet cryptically encoded diagram
in color
of the direction the world's heading in in the shape of a frog or newt

i tickle him with my stick
he wiggles waddles and the opposite direction
unconcerned
this is not necessarily a comfortable place to be
not necessarily a place one to choose or even be willing to tolerate yet though one can't plant corn and grow beans or boil nails to make soup
there are certain advantages to six or eight cubic yards a very heavy sand
if that's what you've got
that's my political pawn
help you are all encouraged by that
happy
so i read one more just short poem this one
the comes from
the idea for it comes from a friend of mine who's a rabbi
who told me
the most astonishing thing which i can't believe it's really true but
whether it is or not it's still astonishing

he said that and he's really smart and he knows the bible very well you know he said that in the bible
every time god appears as a carrot character in the bible
it's always when people are leaving are some moment like that in between moment when people are leaving are coming or something has happened like that
so that really amaze me
so i wrote this short poem called how god gets into it
am
god comes in the little transitions
the times between before and after
the shattering beddings break-ins
the times of development and blasted pose
the feeling then arises
a draft in the system
a tiny shaft of light in the visual field which
when noticed and affirmed opens out to an aura on the screen of eclectic in affability
one's arms open in quietude
and perplexity
there's nothing to say do
or think
well it's nice to be green gulch with all of you
see you next time
the
so this part there's always some new people so i always say that
this part is the discussion part
sometimes referred to as question and answer
and
so pleased you feel free to raise whatever is on your mind whether it has to do
directly with the lecture or not and i will try to respond and others also will respond
do what you are referring up because everybody has a lot to share
and everybody's working on at all the time saddam
long it will say yes i can specifically asking the questions about car but i don't want to push yeah
hello
are you know how about how much but i realized that esh twenty years to come in here that's why did my problem
the practice was the head started on columns and on here and i have the same system i didn't realize how so i met a colon messages and books that were brought me back to my practice the point eight years
one hundred pin share some actual understanding of for
idea of current practices
well i think that
this serve same thing happened to me
yeah and what i did as i found the best commentator than i could and studied with him so i think as often as domestic
muslims generally coming out for six months until i moved the hopefully keep coming and hopefully it will be of some benefit
haha tough but but you know like
the coin the system in zen practice is a very particular thing you know domain and and it's not the same as understanding the diamonds it's not different from it but it's a particular mode of doing now and so somebody who was i certainly wouldn't presume to discuss a system in
which i'm not very very well grounded and their ip i know people myself who are and i are people that i recommend as wonderful cottage or so and if you have a good one and it was do that because i think that's very true you know if you start out in that way with that system
you know i think for some people it's like you never quite happy and to go back to it and really kind of settle your heart in that system and i had the same things that were really literally yeah and i i went and studied for some time with them wherever they can roshi and actually still do keep up my relationship with him alone my current study is not active which
i regret and i still haven't given up the idea of going back and study more because in con training
you know there are many cons right
depends on if you've come this what your quota colonists coins are those old stories that you everybody knows about what is buddha should stick
for something you know what is buddha shh three pounds of blacks
different kind of these kind of answers that are often discussed as being irrational or something anyway it's a little stories that are records of exchanges between ancient st teachers and
it's actually one of the most wonderful and fascinating religious literatures that i know if i don't know if any religious literature that is quite like it because in these little stories which are very quirky and weird is contained many of the crucial points of dharma that we need to know about and the stories require
you can understand them intellectually in the ordinary way you really have to meditate on them and you really have to make them personally your aunt this is the thing you can understand them as external ideas you really have to make them personal and the only way you can do that is by meditating with them and then share your and then coming to some real insight about them and ensuring that inside where the teacher who is
master of that system and there are various systems of cons but most of them were put together by
poco is nj rinzai teacher in the eighteenth century so there are lots of systems of current studies that
then i been transmitted to america and it's really wonderful thing and it's actually quite a bit of fun also so there's usually one important call and beginning that you have that's very hard to solve and and you break through that column but then after that there's several hundred more that you have to go through after that that are little easier once you get through it now in our
lineage we don't have that system we have we also study the cons you know but we don't study them in the in that way we don't study them and we don't have a systematic way of
producing and checking out insight into the cons in our way and reason why we don't have it all depends on interview system if you have to have and those systems you have the idea is that you are studying zen full time and that you are going to interview with the teacher three times a day
so in the interview you go you present your cause you go for this lock in a one minute or two minutes to present your understanding you get some feedback to go back you present your understanding he gets feedback you go back and back and back and this way you know the teacher helps you little by little and you can understand in our system we have far less frequent interviews
and we read the cons
not with an idea of a kind of penetrating insight but a kind of what can i say
gradually getting soaked
and in the meaning of the car so rather than a kind of couric penetration it's kind of gradual soaking
in the and so somewhat different and and but if you start out in that way and you have that spirit as i did the same just like you then i think it's really good if you can to go back and take it up again and i think to me i think it's a great system i love that of that causes them myself i have
and so my most fun times in our studies in stainless coins in turn your head against the wall with the finally let go of it altogether and then see it you know that's the great thing and let go of it altogether then you see it it's not so different i believe that people have stiffer on this but my own feeling is that the zaza
in our way which is not holding any object
and the cost they are almost the same thing because if you as long as you have a card in your mind as an object that you're trying to do something with to can't get anywhere with you have to let go when you let it go than having an earth breakthrough and you understand and you're going to teach her and they say you know it's not right and used the i don't care what you say
how many the cons have just as kind of dialogue where somebody goes and says it's this and the teacher says absolutely wrong and it go away in despair and make things happen to them they go back to the teacher years later and they say it's this the same thing that they said before the teacher says exactly
happened because it's not in the words it's not doesn't it's not an it you know otherwise we could look it up the answer is writing go in and say yeah and they're having manuals of answer is to college
you're laughing but answers that are correct answers and manuals that worked for students that actually when the teachers were not so good they could do this present the right answers you know but it isn't in the words you know it has to be it has to be authentic and it's absolutely clear whether it's authentic or not in the room
so is it as though it's it's very it's a wonderful system i really love it and i i have some regret that i haven't been able to follow up with more than a more than half because the great fun i'm looking forward to retiring as a habit already
so that i can see communion at that point you know maybe get into it more i haven't given up
so yeah so please continue and come tell me how it is that cars yeah go go for it and there's a lot of good cottagers in california so i'm i'm curious to know as part of the whole process of getting up before the answer cause is also the struggle to try the giving yeah cause
worse if you can't just give up with the cause i think
we have to have something to give up that you used to struggle it's a struggle yeah absolutely
yeah friend of mine observes the colonies timeline he told your kind of be executed tomorrow in the why has echoed wonderfully concentrates the mind yeah
well that's it if you know you're going to interview three times a day you had better have something
the present because it's a very charged and heavy going encounter and you want to but you want to really have something to present out of respect for the diurnal and a teacher in and yourself so you worked very hard again that's good an algeria
yes i think i wonder whether
the problems people have ah
therapy
lms
i see only a few
possibilities and how can this isn't it like a coin
you mean these kind of life situations yeah don't have to drop it and go out and failure
hello i think so and the in dogan zingy emphasizes what he calls in costs which which translates as
the com arising in the moments which is similar to what you're talking about
the coin is now pointing to a psychological situation or psychological solution it's pointing to a spiritual solution a letting go of our mind and our emotions usually and getting to some area and not separate from but maybe below that level but certainly this i offer
a work with students in this way where and issues arising in their life and we use that as com yeah and that becomes interesting because the downside of current study is that it can become a little bit abstract and a little bit like a game
this is interesting and i like it in as time has nothing to do with my life of course but isn't an interesting
and spiritual practice that doesn't have to do with your life is not so significant so the the call has its advantage there that it's this is really this is really brings up my whole life position and i and it's desperately important that i go beyond it and not try to solve it i've tried to solve it with my thing
in my emotions and i am tied up and not i just have to go beyond that and just sit with absolutely in front of me until i come through it and so this is exactly you know how dog and talks about cause although he also used classical gone to in his practice
but later on in soto zen and the
became i fell out of use the use of classical cons and we don't we were actually don't have that system in our tradition the way we do it as we have classes where we study the cons and we read them and we have dialogues about them in class that are i hope and believe deep dialogues and we do get this soaking understand
the of the cons through that process but it it just isn't the same as if not better or worse but it's not simply
yes and i thank you very much for your talk today make me feel like he is a wonder to be this planet to be alive
i also appreciate very much your top cash in the sense that app for twenty years i was smoking grass and to find out something that that i found out just sitting still yeah he must have been out beautiful experience for me and beyond that i've been trying to further
my practice and i be now you know in one day sitting down and and these thing over the week over here and there's something that i found out during the week that is monday when there's no just and everything that the system is more rigid that's what i have fun for me
and like at at one point i was getting close to the altar where the a buddha is and i was about to cross somebody you know and don't always gotten along don't cross the area and i got scared
and he brought me some memories of my days when i was that raised as the cavalier he mad
you know you know in a school here will preach the other hand was everything was a little bit on this gary side
and we've kind of put a little bit of our of our holy to my furthering into your practice the ideal to my meditation and areas he did i you know this leap to go further i don't know
you can imagine i've heard this store before yeah
well this is a great example of what the n was talking about ginger call on what is scary
what is scary and don't think we have to have a little scary
no and fact i think we do because if everything life is just not entirely comfortable all the time
actually where does that fear come from does it come from the altered as income from the person saying no don't walk for the altar because another person they say no to walk and for the altar and they simply didn't make any them you know where it is the fear come from and what is the me the the feared comes from my those days when i was young you know you're inside you is what i'm crime if your life
sergio
correct yeah since i me yeah so what is it so i'm saying don't that don't answer
find out
to find out what is this fear and then you'll see that it's very useful that there be something that raises that up in you so that you can find out in yourself what is that fear absolutely fine it out and make yourself bigger than it why we are afraid is because we are only as big as what
is afraid what is making us afraid if we're bigger than that and we contain a container then there's no fear anymore so but how do we understand that while we sit sit with this question this is skins your car what am i afraid of what is fearful
so this is good this brings up for you than something that makes you go farther and only you can make this jump no one can give you answer to this
okay please coming out of the
just
the you mention one of the points to become pretty summer is morally yes this is the first time that i use that war there
oh cute
i have no problem with becomes your moronic oh
that i don't have tried to send policing but i always thought even morality was a set of things that if you achieve them you feel that way what's good for you did with our way back and it seems to me that simple these noodles and quite work way yes
are you bring it up something wonderful and very important to bring up
and i'm going to try to think of a way to respond to you without going into a lengthy you know discourse that would take a long time
you know in in buddhism and in zen buddhism morality doesn't have see why morality is trouble for you have probably as i know i also when i began studying zen buddhism i have the same problem is because it sounds like something out
outside of us somebody somewhere else you're saying this is good and this is bad somebody over there and then you are over here and thinking but what if i thought that doesn't make sense to me well then you're bad so this is a big problem how can you practice with this
in dharma you know there is no body else over there making rules there are no external rules
as we sit and observe our mind and heart just like i was saying this morning we get to understand how it is that our life flows and we give and receive and how that works and what it is in us that prevents that flow
when we see those impulses and thoughts and ways of behaving that in us separate us and prevent us from glowing and living completely and on reality
then we understand those are the things that we want to work on and not encourage
what we want to do is encourage a mind that is present and open
and that is the story of medical conduct in bodhidharma that's what it's about
now it so happens later on so then that's all you need to nova say the rest of it right now for you is really irrelevant but later on if you practice with this idea later on you are surprised to discover as i was surprised after many years to discover that just those very things that in other traditions are called immoral turns out
those are the things usually that when you do them and you will perpetuate perpetually do them they can remove your separate you it's a funny thing to find that out but you come to enough because you read it and a book that somebody told you you're not supposed to do this undergrad but because you for yourself authentically have come to understand that by looking at your own mine and practicing their own life so i would say
that the most important answer to your question for you now is simply don't worry about any external morality just study your mind and heart and what is a find out for yourself what is it that makes you feel
i'm alive and i'm flowing with reality in terms of today's talk i'm receiving the gift and i'm giving the gift and that's an open and joyous process what is it that encourages that and what is it that all of a sudden makes you stop and hold on and find yourself diminished
and thus morality so in that way you be practice a new discover you make up your own morality and you'll probably find out that it's not so different
from other what other people have taught in the past about morality but it has to be your own you know in this system cause
well as hundreds and hundreds of cause the last cause that kind of graduate school cause or the buddhist precepts
because they're not as simple do's and don'ts it's a very deep thing you know what does it mean not to kill
this is a very deep thing we don't know what it means it's not a little rule that somebody gave us from on high it's it has to do with our understanding of life
what is this so we go and we we sit with these current cause and we present you know what is it
so i'm glad you brought that up it's a very very important issue
very important because
if there's no morality
you know and anybody does anything
and everything flows this big problems if there's external morality only a bunch of rules that nobody really feels in their heart but they're just acting out what it says in the book also problem
we you have to have the status this is the most important thing how are we going to live together in this world
authentically and honestly and lovingly without hurting each other that's the problem this is the problem if i am authentic and for for me to be authentic and me to be true and me to be real i have to beat up on you
then i think there's a limitation their how authentic i really wish maybe i don't know that if you sit down and sit down again and again and again and again what some very clear to you and you will stop those behaviors so we have to morality has to be real it can feed from the book so thank you for that ques
there's a very deep questions all of our of question that's why spend time because it's all of our question to so this is the question has been living together in the world in which there are other beings and other people together yes thank you
preston
from commandments casting help
he didn't feel i think so sure

am i wrong
ah a question can you your conflict your dm and do on a time and something
the
you okay i wonder if you see a pet mean jealous map on imperialist countries and i
the bible is
yeah well that's another good question and important went to
ah
but seems to me and again you know i hasten to say that i am i mean i don't really know the by right i don't know much about judeo christianity i mean i don't know much about buddhism either but i know more about buddhism you know and have more experience than it than i am and judeo christianity but my impression is that
this god
is in desperate need of re-interpretation interpretation and re understanding
we really need to we really need to look at all that and see like i was actually i actually went through a bot mitzvah yesterday and i heard a great you know a sermon and it was really interesting because you know they always the in judaism they have a wonderful system where maybe they haven't christianity to i don't know judaism where they they do i
the europe and i read the bible you know have so much through the whole year so then if you're if you're rabbi you don't have to worry about what you're supposed to talk about it because they really are they've got a certain part of the bible say you have to talk about that parts so it's very very good i wish we had a thing like that
what's for us are you also give a talk it's like now and we're going to talk no
so vegas we can make up our own of often thought of that you know take the project
speaking on each car you know it has gone after the other than you not to think so much but anyway that aside in the rabbi gave a beautiful ceremony i mean it literally moved me to tears it was great and the sermon was on a part of the bible that was particularly evidence this imperialistic war like kind of situation
and the way that he did it is he simply did not talk about that at all
he talked about one essential point which was really there and then he expanded on it completely leaving out
the rest of it and i thought to myself i'd like to ask him what about the rest of it
because it's a very wise rabbis the fire person than i was referring to him my talk as my friend and he probably would have had a good way of explaining it so you know it's like
it reminded me of the time when you nice to be this is i'm telling you about my checkered past but years ago
when i was introduced that naropa institute you know they introduce me as the person who because one of the products they are you know new me twenty five years ago and used of the introducer said what could you say about this person is so she introduced me as the person who is most frequently beaten up by the police
you know in the seventies in the late sixties because i was very active politically and i was in jail you know and so on beaten up and
because i had this unfortunate habit of not being able to stand having other people being bitten beaten up
so i would get in the middle and on and get beaten up so
when i gave that up
i believe it's going to be relevant eventually
i said no more this and i can't this is not a way to solve anything i can't do this anymore to be so oppositional and so on it's over there's not going to be a way i really have to turn my life in a different direction and so i really i actually went to the woods and i was i didn't
hang on anybody and i meditated a stayed by myself and i remember i would throw the aging and i threw the aging right it's at this time you know and it came out revolution
well i was really pissed off an evolution gimme a break and i'm getting trying to get away from that an elegant and i actually did it with great ceremony three different times and three different times i gotta say why
and so i said to myself i'd better you don't think about this more deeply and then i realized finally the obvious which is inner revolution revolution in me not taking it literally
so i just wonder how that kind of idea can be applied to be a to the hebrew bible and whether there's a way of looking at it in that way not as story of imperialism and war and fighting but a story about destiny and a story about ourselves and how we fight with ourself and how we have to
come to the land and how we have many things that we have to conquer on the way the land and so on and so on so now i'm not saying that this is a two way we can interpret of and don't know enough about it but i wonder whether there's a way of talking about it like that because of course you can't ignore those things
i mean the i got away with it in this particular sermon but in the end you can't ignore those things you really have to answer to it and so maybe something like that but we're going to pee and i are bad doing a series of retreats together and we were talking about this stuff and we're gonna go down next month at tassajara and i'm hoping that will get into this you know what i'm going
ask them that question and i'll tell you what he says yeah points do not wear khakis as my place with that comes into the kitchen yeah might have over and over again when you go to his unique we can be types actor here
as shown on the are now that houses don't spare anybody comes standard checkups a panties which virgins you take them to their not to get specific decision
have talking about your question before i forget your in therapy selfies question and in the bible are several the things that always impress me you know somebody who goes to altars and offers instance and all that there are several times when day the guy misses upright is instantly struck this
this right now
have looked spectacular ones like that and this particular one there was a couple of things like that where people were structure for walking in the wrong way walk in front of the altar boy
home
so those are the ones that have impressed me but you're right i know
so right i mean so of course the from the times shell on yeah
what you think that means
it's my vydra show your watch how roger roger roger you know vendre the hundred and and is interesting i related forms the
and you your reminded that seem to care for fifth
and when way around connectors and
yeah
the forums yeah i remember it has caught speeding up your right
personal hands and i
here and another person said yeah starting to take her as how with as testing to see a toenail polish just to you know finish crash and and and talking on cell phone
how to bring up nesting anything that
just year to right the forms are really useful and appropriate you have to undress
oh
hi i am i was wondering what
okay so people that need to our conversation with himself for yeah
she's i never thought of
you know better can sell with the video master
know somebody made this for me it's a vendre the other is a
like a diamond thunderball of emptiness which cuts through all delusions and shows us the empty nature of all phenomenon moment after moment that symbolized by a visor a thunderbolt so at the ball of the shovel or the but he caught the and the ball i guess is a shape of a vendre and then it's a shovel top
the get or something that somebody made a quiet yeah yeah and now bringing up children so a family their social norms which haven't been to not just as thoroughly harshness it's a certain things which ah
a generalization is of my people that are ways to give thanks to hand
so when we talk about always talking about today in a sense possessed a counter game as or life is this something to balance things off so that people are not sure does have an arms ah
so that they do recognize get beyond that arms and so on how would you
hair off the fact that norms to place taking a clap have a place in the park
where's the the other things which were saying today group of coming for brilliant
well i always think of social norms as being
conveyances of kindness right
so it's customary to
when somebody has a birthday you send them a card right this is a social customs replace a chance to express our appreciation for the person
forms of address or ways of expressing appreciation and respect for people
because they excuse me you know is a way of acknowledging another person's presence and showing that you care about them and you're not into to stopping them as you walk by but you've you've noticed that there there so all little things like fish and or were all imagine the the first person who thought of this thing excuse me
mean must have been a wonderful inventions and you know other technology to be able to say for someone to bump into someone and say oh excuse me
you know so i think most social conventions are like that that's i don't know if that's what you're referring out there was something
you can bring any more for my can tell them are just to people even the and are certain things that happened within that group perhaps the word group norms that are weren't for that social norms
because they may even be invented right now for creative spot for her yeah
they may have been mindful arms going to be very mindful violin and just doing that of having to because i was taught it to about thinking about the
so are you you seem to be suggesting that what i was saying this morning was somehow the opposite of that are not the same as that well i i was wondering whether maybe it's a counter games on a peak of knowledge much too far then i group moms are the most important and therefore to things outwardly rather than inwardly
i don't know how they are curious to see if maybe it would be a library on the used to an agent here
yes well certainly i hope that this is what we're trying to do in our practice is to do things in orderly an authentically and honestly from
the person that we actually are the end of the impermanent
fleeting gift that each one of us is act from there
but
so doing the everything that we do is this kind of gift even if it looks external like we're following a group nor of our social norm is very real so in that sense yeah i would say so that that's what zen practice is all about it is making our life not living externally you know if you sit on the cushion for a long long time
it's impossible not to meet yourself really
and but it also but it is possible to live very much without meeting yourself by doing things according to the external meeting and by defining oneself according to other people's expectations and rules and norms and started so forth we all know what it feels like to live in a way that we're not really living our life were living
some exterior identity and we can't really sit and do practice without coming into contact with ourself and it seems a little bit like something different i'm looking at as a balance my next post them as that you know there's a of
yeah yeah yeah yeah well as okay
sasha
i don't know following i'm i'm a little lost to so
well yeah but that's okay we can be lost let's be lost and
all right now we can be lost in the poured out last winter i think we're just we're saying similar things in different ways and that's not because i see your hand but i want the first asked somebody who hasn't may be spoken if they want to say something yes
i'm not sure how be able to trace this appropriately about i'm struggling with the economy it's the conflict in in receive messages
that the concept of new self for nine itself on and i would appreciate that here and talk about ten people did not see the context and from here i listened to deepak chopra talk about to physiological elder it comes a negative
internal monologues and when we tell ourselves how awful reactor and how much we fucked up
and then the other night and in class and heard grab talking about the importance of confession and your of knowing real worthless
i'm not sure how did i receive
what i hear her nothing
huh
now
well some
medicines you know
when you're sick and take them they make you better right
but if you're well when you take the same medicine it can be poisoned right
so
it's clearly us to do with what is your condition
and what so what is it that that you take now that will help
my understanding of how the buddha talked about self was that he didn't hold up the banner of no self
he just said the way that we usually hold ourself is harmful
we should like all that
so
we all have a self right
but let's not overestimated
and let's not underestimate
if you overestimate yourself i'll tell you about no self
if you underestimate so i'll tell you about self as that of a good medicine sing
so this is that this is thing what what is what is our life when we where are we going where are you standing now and what is the best way for you so if you are troubled by a toxic internal monologue and someone tells you you should know how bad you really are and completely get into it than you
ignore them for them if the view receive a teaching that makes you a wild you know just ignore that for them maybe it's that time for their teaching then you need to hear you know please be gentle with yourself and as you tell yourself these best stories about yourself please be patient with yourself and gentle with yourself and try to let go of the
stories
and so so defense on demands understand the situation we have to be we have to be extremely confident in herself on the deepest and widest possible level to really hold up through all our shortcomings which we all have and we do have to do that some time
but where does the time to do that in a skillful way
a
it's the best thing and if this is a occupational hazard always have any kind of public teaching
because as we you and i just demonstrated
we have the same words as sometimes we we have a hard time putting them together so i'm very well aware that i say something and you know somebody hears that one way or the prisoners and absolutely totally different rates if you just answer the question yeah but good as good that happens so
so in a in know if we're just together even then words only two of us even at words are very inexact means of communication but at least if i say something that i see your reaction on your face i can see all she understood i was saying this and she understood that and then i'll say it another
or way and maybe with some luck after adjusting several times we can see how we can understand each other but in a public teaching this is not possible with so many different and and now and the sutures that often speaks about how the buddha would say something and everyone would hear it in a completely different universe
and i often people will often come with me and say gee your talk today was exactly what i was thinking exactly where i was and i remember going to of dharma talks and having that same experienced that was exactly what i was thinking and it isn't because you know the the person read your mind or something like that or it's mr goal i mean i suppose you know
breathing as mystical anyway but but it was just because we hear this way our life gives us what we need that
here's a raider definitely i am
gave a when i was a test sahara has given an evening
where i just get a little talk and dialogue with people and the we had a nice time i thought was a good thing to do and many people afterwards said the appreciated it and seem to get the intention of what i was trying to be across and then i got a letter from someone who is there who was complaining
bitterly about the whole thing
and but what she said was really true
i could see it from her point of view which was very different from the point of view of the other people on this was very instructive for me to understand i mean i know it already but to get some of these particular thing about what you said this and business are you look like this this business said yeah i could really see how from her perspect i was trying to do this but she received that
so this happens and it's difficult to take responsibility for everything in this way but when we have to do that
and keep trying our best and try to be as accurate as we can and as careful as we can knowing that
it's not perfect
and yet
and yet
even as women's complaints i'm sure for her to feel those things and right me this letter of complaint was exactly what she needed to do so even one's mistakes when asked own and and affirm
to so you're careful and you know know but so anyway how in the world that i get tangled up in this action
assam where we started but it doesn't matter anyway so many other yes yes
to removed by by tapping tag i can expect expected
the one thing that's happened to me my life
i'm really grateful for nearby sneak on come on by crisis such a cool hasn't sessions last for a hot out and you're like me terrorists
ah by i can for the last act how by forty that so young
how come everyone everybody less slice elephant is my a very distinctive encourage i people fucking a strongest astronomy to here is that when i came in first time i've just his passion for gentleness the as an extraction things are really snow school
and i've taken a guy's post prime i practiced as swami has been unbelievable from what's happening here have you can get far more me has watch him the
and that for me the thing that has stopped means that much in my life is not that his praise praise stopped me dead in my tracks so that so that you know someone so that isn't so that that's hundred and forty up a his to now yeah my mom now i'm beginning to recede as charisma they still no no
nervous making minutes and expectations off that
praise yeah so that that's really for me at the i'm happy to hear how much i am encouraged by the people have our own rules
my defiantly
i can merge with my kit for before i pop out my smile and had to come during that can
each one of us as a completely different yeah you know individual with a totally different karmic tendency and so we hear things differently in our life is that what we need is different and it was worth which wonderful to study the buddha's teaching and see how he
with give different teachings the people as they needed them almost everything that he developed was in response to conditions like that
and a lot of cons are on this point
that you want to think that zen is this then as soon as that
you know but actually it's meeting conditions accurately
andrew
thank you

he spoke him several times a day about their reward use basically basically being honest we're doing doing something comes from you read that when you were talking about morals where or comes from rather from somewhere else and i'm in a group of
where i heard oftentimes self esteem comes from performing esteem of the last apps and that makes their sneakers i noticed a lot of times when i do things that that are not necessarily sustainable i walk away feeling really bad you can get in australia maybe i don't feel bad then but until then the next year right
and a lot of times i feel like lake
punching soda or something and instead of doing that
you know i try to relax or walk away or whatever i do to keep from striking out and that's not like an honest and honest feeling in the time around
notices i know
i'm glad you brought that up because that's an important point
if what i said gave the impression that one
you know should only do things that feel authentic so if you really feel like punching somebody could go do it
tampa and don't and don't do something unless you feel authentic about it
i think this feeling of really landing in our lives
is
the horizon it's the it's the it's it's enlightenment itself
is what i'm moving toward
and very often the best way to get there
is to practice just like you're saying i'll just smile at everyone
because this is a practice that i'm undertaking even though i don't feel like it because if i smile at people even though i don't feel like it and try to put my heart into that this will encourage me to actually be kind of people and actually be concerned for people so