Good morning. Is this working? Hello? So. This morning I want to talk about vulnerability. I've also already shown it, demonstrated it, but... Nagarjuna said, the mind that fully sees into the uncertain world of birth and death is called the thought of enlightenment. The mind that fully sees into the uncertain world of birth and death is called the thought of enlightenment.

[01:05]

That's the thought of enlightenment? Who wants to look at the uncertain things? I want to be invulnerable. Dogen goes on to comment, thus if we maintain this mind, this mind can become the thought of enlightenment. Indeed, when you understand discontinuity, the notion of self does not come into being. Ideas of name and gain do not arise. Fearing the swift passage of the sunlight, practice the way as though saving your head on fire. And vulnerability is very important.

[02:07]

And yet we want to be invulnerable. We want practice to make us invulnerable. But practice is about working with vulnerability. If you're vulnerable, you get lots of information. You're really alert. If you're invulnerable, you're out to lunch. You know, sometimes people come to Zen Center and they can sit full lotus the first time they enter and they have, they talk about enlightenment and have beautiful visions. We usually worry about them. But usually when you first begin your practice,

[03:10]

Meditation makes you more aware, and you're aware of your vulnerability, and you're aware of the things you do wrong, and it makes you rather nervous. But Zazen also gives you the strength to be there and take it, and to absorb it, and to work with it. Often what happens is, after a few years, one works through those things that they were vulnerable around, and then becomes less vulnerable, or at least obviously vulnerable. Usually that can go on for quite a while until you get hit by a truck or something, because you will get hit by a truck if you're not paying attention. It also says...

[04:24]

Those who have great realization of delusion are Buddhas. Those who are greatly deluded about realization are sentient beings. Further, there are those who continue realizing Buddha beyond realization and who are in delusion throughout delusion. Yes. So, you know, it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to be who you are and not be somebody who you're not. It doesn't mean that you don't work on yourself or those habits that aren't so good, but you don't deny that you have them. As I say, I think Zazen's main characteristics is it makes us more aware of ourself and everything, and it gives us the strength and courage to live with it.

[06:07]

One would think that there are two alternatives, either you're impervious or you're sensitive and overwhelmed. both of those are not the best choices. But to be vulnerable and to have the strength and courage to stay with it, that's pretty good. In fact, I think that the most important qualities of a Zen student are one of them is called patience or courage or durability or being there for the long haul. And the other is to be rigorously honest. And when you're rigorously honest, there's a lot you see that you'd rather not see. But it's the truth.

[07:13]

What's that cliche, the truth shall set us free? That's pretty good. The mind that sees the uncertainty of birth and death is the thought of enlightenment. Of course, most of us practice that way, but we don't think that we're practicing that way. We have another story. This practice period, we've been studying the paramitas, or the perfections. And in the Mahayana, there's usually six perfections or ten perfections.

[08:17]

There are different lists of what they are. They're basically the same, except you add four, which are covered by the first six. But there's another teaching of the perfections, a Tibetan teaching, which is the five perfections. And they are the perfect time right now, the perfect place, the perfect teaching, whatever you're studying, the perfect teacher who's ever talking, the perfect student. And that's the most important one, I think, to realize that you're the perfect student. that you have all the ingredients that you need. It doesn't mean that you're invulnerable, but it means vulnerability is part of who you are and living with it is part of who you are.

[09:20]

Most of the time we say, if only I was in in India one time Buddha. If only I lived with Dogen. If only I lived in quieter times. Or if only I was someplace else. If only I wasn't married. If only I was single. If only I had a better job. If only I was out of work. If only I was somebody different. If only the world was different than it is. If only, if only, if only. If only I was invulnerable. But because we are connected to everything in the world, everything has an effect on us.

[10:36]

We need to develop courage or patience in order to really understand the truth of the moment. also good because we all have it. We're all going to die. Did I say that? Sorry. We all have no friends that are going to die before us. Or relatives. Or we endure hardship. Or illness.

[11:42]

Or we just do something stupid. not an uncommon thing. So it's not that we have to go find our vulnerability somewhere. It's right where you are right now. And it points out to us that which we're sensitive to. So when students first come Zen Center with regular meditation practice they open up quite a bit and they see their shortcomings and they're actually they ask a lot of questions and enjoy the practice but then after a while the same practitioners that make the changes that they can make

[12:47]

And they become more guarded, or it looks like they become more guarded. Because they don't want to be vulnerable. But whether you want to be vulnerable or not, guess what? Whether you want to or not, things will happen to you. Things that you, if you had your druthers, you'd rather not. The quality of people ask me, what does Zen practice do for you? It's tempted to say nothing, but it would be not true. It's not so. It doesn't do for me what I want it to do for me. But I find that

[13:52]

The people I've practiced with for a long time, they make some of the same mistakes they always make, except they're a lot quicker to realize them and cut them out. They're a lot hipper to their mistakes. And the second thing is, if you're in a tight spot, you want to be with a practitioner. because we're not expecting anything. Or we're expecting a lot, but we know it doesn't happen. So that kind of courage, stick-to-itiveness, when united with the desire for the truth, can't be beaten. So for those of you who think that this is a discouraging talk, courage and search for the truth can't be topped.

[15:02]

At least I think so. If you find something you like better, jumping over the moon or flying, those to me aren't so important. And it's curious to me that whenever I read that quote from Nagarjuna, I say, that's the thought of enlightenment? That's not what I want to think about. I want to think distracting thoughts. But being with the truth and not running away Pretty good. Of course, you may grow up to look like Bodhidharma.

[16:08]

But can't be helped. And it's not that you have to carry your vulnerability on your sleeve. that you deal with it. You know, sometimes people tell me that I'm calm. I don't know where they get that idea, but... And it's usually when I'm feeling very disturbed that they tell me I'm calm. And my understanding of that is I'm calm enough to feel the vulnerability of things. Calmness does not mean that everything is... Sedate. Calmness means that you can be there with everything, no matter what it is, and not be blown off course. Which reminds me, a friend of mine wrote a song, Shipwrecked on the Shores of Nirvana.

[17:24]

Some people revel in their vulnerability. That's extra. Oh, I'm so bad. Terrible. That lampoons vulnerability. Just because anything might happen at any moment. And often does. Or you don't like your cushion arrangement. My favorite Japanese phrase is shigata gunai.

[18:55]

Shigata gunai means it can't be helped. And if you're in Japan, people say it all the time when you say, I want to get to there. And they say, well, you have to go this, this, and this. You have to go three buses and a train. Shigata gunai. Shagata ganaya, then you have to be vulnerable. Because, in fact, we are all vulnerable. We may want to be different. You're welcome to that desire. But don't fool yourself. People want to do everything right, everything correctly. And that's pretty good to want to do that.

[20:00]

But to expect to do that is quite a stretch. In fact, it's quite an inflation you have of yourself. That the first time you do it, you're going to do it perfectly. And you should try to do it perfectly. But you shouldn't get everybody in the building nervous about how you're going to do it for the first time. Today was a real disaster, actually. I was thinking about everybody being nervous, and I walked into the Buddha Hall and realized that I'd forgotten my Zagu. I was wondering about other people when I forgot my side loop. That's a bad mistake. It is, but I blanched lonely hers.

[21:09]

So I get the feeling that I'm making people a little nervous. But actually, to be with yourself when you are nervous is really being with yourself with all things. You don't need if onlys in order to be able to do something. And the fact that you're the perfect student means you have no excuse. But also you don't need any help. Of course, when you realize that you're in charge, you want to get all the help you can get. It's only when you think you're not in charge that you don't want someone to mess with you.

[22:22]

Somebody was talking to me and he's a teacher here and he was telling me his doubts. And he's actually grown a lot in the past couple of years. And I told him, the fact that you have these doubts and see these things clearly is progress. Rather than, oh, my practice is great. Or there are times when with our teacher or in the classroom situation, we don't speak up. We play it safe. And it doesn't mean you have to speak up, but it's not speaking up because you have to play it safe.

[23:31]

There is no safety. These five perfections ground us in the moment. The perfect time. Well, when this lecture is over, I'll go have lunch. Lunch is the perfect time. The perfect place. This Buddha Hall is okay, but I want to be lying down. The perfect teaching. I want a teaching that makes me feel happy. I'm a perfect teacher. Now, my teacher is a really great teacher. Your teacher is not so good. If only I had a better teacher, I'd make better progress. A perfect teacher.

[24:43]

Perfect teaching. If only I found one of those sutras in the cave and I could study in the cave, study these sutras in Gilgit for some other dead language. Guess what? This is it. You're in the perfect place. All your faults are just your faults. That's all they are. You have reached the pinnacle of human life. You have the opportunity to learn and transform yourself. You have the opportunity to help others who are as deluded as you are. When we save all sentient beings, we're one of the sentient beings that's being saved. This is actually good news. Good news is you don't have to have some checklist of qualities in order to be in service to other people.

[26:09]

And when you're particularly disturbed, you're particularly disturbed. You don't have to be some other way. Of course, you don't want to be that way. Yeah, that's true. But it's okay to be who you are. If you can be who you are, you can change who you are. If you can't be who you are, you'll never even know what it is. So the mind that sees the uncertainty of birth and death is actually the thought of enlightenment. It's actually the path. How can that be the path? Because that's the way things are.

[27:31]

The path isn't something imagined. The path starts right where you are right now. Right now you have the ability to become a Buddha. It may take a while. But it won't mean that you get rid of some stuff. Rather you'll become bigger and include more things. Your way-seeking mind, you know, we give way-seeking minds here. When you first come, you talk about how you came to practice in your life. And then you do it several times later, and it keeps changing. And some of the details keep changing, but the scope of it keeps changing. The breadth of your mind and what you're addressing, it becomes greater.

[28:38]

And the fact that somebody wrote to me who's a student of mine who's been going through hard times. And I wrote to him and said, class. But it's possible. to understand other people's suffering more because of your suffering. And it's possible that you will develop a wider view of life with this. This is not Pollyanna. If you accept the truth, the next truth is obvious. If you fight the truth, I don't want to feel that.

[29:46]

Well, that goes on for a long time. I was talking with somebody else this week and she told me that she recently had had several meetings with her husband of a long time ago. And so whole areas of her life and issues arose which hadn't arisen since then. She was grateful for the opportunity.

[30:51]

The world is vast and wide. Bumman says, the world is vast and wide. Why do you put your robe on in the morning when the bell rings? I've always thought the world is vast and wide, so you put on your robe when the bell rings. Find the truth where you are and proceed.

[31:46]

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