at the angle the hallway upstairs I was just looking out the window and in the window there are three little crystal prisms hanging and so on a sunny day like this the light comes through and makes little flecks of red and blue and green yellow on the wall and just moving slightly. And it just struck me how amazing light hits. We're sitting in a room bathed in light. I don't know how it actually travels.

[01:08]

How does the light travel through space? And at a particular, you know, at a particular, very precise speed. And then it's invisible. going through the room and it hits something. It bounces back in some color. And it's just because we have these organs of perceptions to see that we are joined with lights. And then we're joined with each other with lights. I really appreciate everyone's sittings.

[02:15]

Coming in today, this is a very unsettled feeling here in the room. Even though we had a busy memorial service, I thought, oh, this is, in a way, an imposition to have in the session to throw on a Ceremony like that. And then we're going to have another one this evening. I'm going to do for the Shusel Jukai, a precept ceremony for the Shusel. So, it reminds me, I think that, well, the first Sashin, I sat here in this room, I just didn't have any jobs to do except sit to session.

[03:21]

I had just actually just arrived. First people wouldn't let me sign up because I was a guest student. I had never had more than a couple of hours before. And I said, no, you have to sit at one day sitting first. And I said, well, I don't know. Maybe I'll sit the first day of that. So then I sat the first day and the second day. And the third day, I didn't let me sit the rest of it. And I decided, OK. It was very painful. excruciating. And I was working very hard. I'd been sitting in New York, you know, with Tyson and Adil Roshi.

[04:26]

And I remember there one evening sitting, I was, I'd been working to see if I could sit full lotus. Maybe I'll try sitting full lotus. this period and if I can always put my leg down you know like it's too painful and so I'm sitting and it's getting pretty painful and I'm just about ready to change my posture and someone else down the road just shifts slightly kind of went like this and Tyson says Don't move. So I just kind of froze. The thoughts and the embarrassment of moving would have been greater than the pain.

[05:28]

But then when I came here, I had that touching of of sitting. I'm embarrassed now at how selfish I was. I was very involved in myself sitting. And I think I just kind of took it for granted. Servings, meals, We had trays. I had a tray. I think other people had oryokis. And then a month or two later, I had another sashim here. And so I signed up for that. And on the first day, I was called out of the zendo to serve...

[06:37]

lunch to be on the serving crew for lunch. I was a little annoyed at that. Then when I got to the crew, I learned that it was not just for today, but I was going to have to be on that crew every day. I said something to the serving crew leader. I said, I'm here, Sid Zaza. And the head server was Mel Weizmann. He said, serving will do you good. So that's my confession, how selfish I was.

[07:47]

And he was right. It did me good. It still does me good. Let's see. We've been studying Vimalakirti. Case 84. Case 84 in the Blue Cliff Records refers to Humila Kirti's silence. So I thought it might be good if you're familiar with this. The pointer... I'll just read part of the pointer. The pointer says, Though you say it is, there is nothing that is can affirm.

[08:53]

Though you say it is not, there is nothing that is not can negate. When is and is not are left behind, and gain and loss are forgotten, then you are clean and naked, free and at ease. And then the case. Vimalakirti asked Manjushri, what is Bodhisattva's entry into the Dharma gate of non-duality? Manjushri responded, according to what I think, in all things, no words, no speech, No demonstration and no recognition to leave behind all questions and answers. This is entering the Dharma gate of non-duality. And then Madhya Sri turned and asked Vimalakirti, saying, We have each already spoken.

[10:00]

Now you should tell us, good man, what is a bodhisattva's entry into the Dharma gate of non-duality? And Shweido interrupts here and says, what did Vimalakirti say? So you all know that Vimalakirti sat in silence. Shweido was the one who collected the koans in the Woodcliffe record. So he doesn't go on with the dialogue from the sutra that says, what did Vimalakirtisay and then had it completely exposed so this is maybe a lot of talk but it's about something pretty serious so then there's some notes from commentary from Suzuki Roshi

[11:10]

Suzuki Roshi's comments go like this. Oneness and duality are two sides of one reality. One side of reality is diversity. The other side is universality. When universality reveals itself in the diversity phenomena, Then we have universal validity, which at the same time has a deep personal meaning. Universal truth is perceived as unique and personal to you yourself alone. The sun shines on the moon and the moon reflects the sunshine. The good exists because of the bad. The bad exists because of the good.

[12:12]

There is nothing good or bad by itself. The good is something to do. The bad is something not to do. Once you have decided to do or not do something, it is what you actually do that counts. Within this understanding of reality, everything that exists will, in its true sense, be the aim of your activity and will encourage your practice. Everything that exists will, in its true sense, be the aim of your activity. So this is a willingness to see the totality of things in each thing. So I was sitting Zazen focused on non-duality.

[13:22]

Focused on the experience of having no separation. And then when confronted with being on the serving crew, I was not able to see that these you know, the pot that I was carrying. And the person in front of me that I'm serving were not separate. Somehow I had the idea of sitting Zazen and the experience of sitting Zazen was unified. But then when having to deal with things, a serving pot, a spoon, The fear of making a mistake. That I might spill something. Or I might, with the ladle, might hit the bowl.

[14:23]

Could even chip the teacher's bowl. So I have to be very careful. This is all so annoying. Why not just be able to sit in peace? so there's a tendency to idealize one side the side of everything being harmonious and still and and Suzuki Oshii comments further. He says, you may think that the point of this practice is to get rid of evil desires. But if you think that, if you think that you can get rid of evil desires, then where are they going to go?

[15:37]

Where are evil desires going to go? He said, you know, you can't throw them away. You actually need to see that evil desires are also Buddha, Buddha nature. So when we say there's good, he's saying there's good, there's bad, but they completely depend on each other. So you can't just have, you can't isolate bad from good. Evil desires can be discarded. This is so disappointing. If you think that you're going to get somewhere

[16:41]

and if you think that you're going to purify yourself sipping sashim you may have some feeling of more clarity and that's a good thing but if you if you're caught by that then that's going in the direction of a of a heretic. What does he say? He says, after saying, where do you throw it away? He says, when we start to think in this way, we're already starting to understand things in a heretic way. It is just a name, you know. Able desire is just a name. There's no such thing that you can just pull out. throw away.

[17:44]

No such thing. So this morning we had a big service ceremony for Suzuki Roshi and I said, you are a vessel of Dharma. So even that, if you think, oh, Suzuki Roshi, vessel of the Dharma, where does that leave me? Suzuki Roshi actually can't be a vessel of the Dharma. If you think he's a vessel of the Dharma, then that's... If you have that understanding, you have to be careful that you're not throwing out something else. I didn't want to get into all this in the ceremony. So sometimes it's important to say vessel of the Dharma. And... and bow and have deep respect for the vessel of the Dharma.

[18:46]

But if Suzuki Roshi thinks, oh, I'm a vessel of the Dharma, then he has a problem. If any of you think, oh, I'm a vessel of the Dharma, that's good, you should know that you're a vessel of the Dharma. Vessel of the Dharma has to include everything right and at the same time we say that's one-sided view the master Matsu and his sets his student vizan were walking along and this is ever having a nice walk on the pond, I think maybe up at Stow Lake here in Golden Gate Park walking around the water and some ducks flew up and Master Ma says, what's that?

[19:56]

and Bai Zhang says, wild ducks Ma Tzu says, where have they gone? and Bai Zhang says, they've flown away And Matsu grabs him and takes his nose and twists his nose. Says, now how can you say they've flown away? So at that point, Paisang really appreciated that sound. His nose, his own body, His own body still included in the wild ducks. So. These. These stories and these examples. Are to.

[20:59]

Remind you to. Not get caught in some one sided thinking. One-sided view, any particular belief. If you do, then you are conscious, you're creating trouble, consciously or unconsciously. It's like flushing the toilet or watching the water go down the drain in the bathtub. The water has a little whirlpool, it goes down and then it disappears. But where does it go? If you have a narrow view, you think it's gone away. And now we realize as human beings that billions of us are paying the price of people thinking, oh, that it can go away.

[22:01]

Oh, I just flush it away. Forgetting that it actually doesn't go away. that we are all in this together. So, is that clear? Are there any questions? It seems you're making a statement that... No.

[23:13]

Not the same. So, what do you think? Easy. Yeah. Yeah, memory, very interesting. It kind of works in one way. Memory is an important part of mindfulness. Memory is the... recalling this and at the same time when you have some conception of something someone else is somewhere not here you might think when you're sitting zazen that the person driving the ambulance is not doing zazen

[24:29]

That's like, and then they're gone. You might know. You might remember. Oh, there was an ambulance. And the sound went away. But you can remember it. That's not the same as the feeling of this ambulance right here. So there's some... Well, that's something good to work with. Yeah. We have marvelous capacities. And it's true, one side that we do have coming and going.

[25:42]

We have birth and death. We have the arising of a thought or a feeling and it's going. And if you... If you are completely willing to be present with that, any part of it, then you also have the experience of no coming and no going. For example, if you're just walking, walking down the streets, you may think, oh, I'm here and I'm going, I'm going to go over there. And you separate yourself from there. But if you return your full awareness to the walking, just be completely walking, then you're already there. And you haven't left.

[26:48]

We have that experience. Yeah. I see some heads nodding. Yes. So this is the feeling of, say, the Tathagata, coming and going in suchness. Tathagata. Tathagata is coming and going and also not coming and going. So, again, as soon as we say one side, you have to recognize the other. And it's not one or the other. It's not form, it's not emptiness. Yes? Past and future. Yeah, you wouldn't even be able to say past and future.

[27:55]

same moment. It is mind-boggling. Mind-boggling. Isn't that a wonderful word? Mind-boggling. I wonder if other things also get boggled. Mind-boggling. How about body-boggling? Where does boggling come from? Now I have to go look it up. Huh? Yeah, but we know what it means. It's mine. It's okay. There's a kind of like a vibration that gets set up between, just to say simple words, form and emptiness, right? And if you're thinking there's a form, then there's things. If you think in terms of emptiness, there are no things.

[29:06]

But you can't usually think in terms of emptiness, right? You have to release your usual hold on things to experience emptiness. So, you know, the point of our practice is not to you one or the other. to not evaluate one or the other more than, because neither of those is, is Prajnaparamita. Prajnaparamita is beyond duality and non-duality. Prajnaparamita, sitting right here, we have Prajnaparamita. So this is, you know, prajna is the wisdom that also, the wisdom of seeing non-duality.

[30:10]

That cuts through the appearances of things. Not to just be caught by the appearances of things. But to see that things are maybe just a tentative existence. Flashing just a moment into existence. whether you perceive it by light or by sound, by touch or by taste, it's gone. It's already gone by the time you form that conception. So seeing that then is prajnava. but not getting caught by prajnaparamita. And it's that, as soon as I say that, it's like there's a thing, prajnaparamita.

[31:14]

But there is no prajnaparamita. There is nothing behind this existence. Which is just this moment. This is a very important teachings. I think various schools of Buddhism, of course, are always trying to find a way to convey how to live a true life in the face of this. So, It turns out that it's very helpful to not know. It's very helpful to not, because if you think you know, then you're moving into some kind of heretical understanding.

[32:18]

It turns out to be very helpful practically every day speaking to the secret of not knowing. When you catch yourself thinking that you know something. As soon as you catch that, say, oh, yes. Not knowing is better. But then, of course, if you think that, you can get caught on not knowing. But it's still, say for example, what was it a little while ago? someone was talking about sometimes in Zazen there's boredom that comes up.

[33:20]

I know this is news. So there's some boredom that comes up. But what is boredom? Boredom is Maybe a whole constellation of something that's holding you away from this moment of experience. I don't think that you can have boredom without some fear. I think there's some fear in it. Otherwise, why would you not be completely present with what's happening? And delighted. So... To... To then notice, okay, I'm beginning to get bored. And that's almost something that you know. I know I'm beginning to get bored. Right there it's helpful to say, oh, I not know.

[34:24]

I actually don't know. I don't know if I'm getting bored or not. Not knowing is a very, a practice that you can refine infinitely. So then if you don't know what's boredom, then the question is, what is it? So what is it, then is immediately, well, you're not bored, right? You have curiosity. So you're no longer bored. So if you just remember, even at the point of getting bored, to not know boredom. To not know, not believe that you know boredom. Right there, if you remember the practice of not knowing, then you are freed. Freed of boredom. So you could also say that not knowing, the practice of not knowing, is a great kind of secret response to the whole matter of duality and non-duality.

[35:36]

practice of not knowing. And so this is a gift. It's like having infinite curiosity. Not knowing is always being willing to say, what? What? What is it? And that means that whenever you know something, that then For me to be speaking like this, I'm knowing a lot of things. I'm knowing how to say the word things. And I'm knowing that you are familiar with the word things. So there's some communication at that level. But underneath that, I also have to realize that, what? What is it?

[36:38]

So right along with any activity that you do is this question. What is it? So any statement then carries with it question. I think for a Zen student, It's good to remember. Any statement. You can make a statement. It is. In the beginning of this pointer it said it is or is not. It is doesn't affirm anything. Why? Because there's also this not knowing. It is not does not negate anything. Why? There's nothing to negate. This is this practice of always remembering that there's a question. Well, sometimes we emphasize the questions.

[37:51]

Sometimes we emphasize the statement. The statement is equally valid, maybe. And the question is equally valid, maybe. What's the spirit in which you're using it? Are you using it to awaken with all beings? So I think now I need to just say that tonight we're doing this precept ceremony and it is the ceremony of the bodhisattva vow. Sixteen bodhisattva precepts. And the bodhisattva vow is this deep intention to be awake with everything. Say that the bodhisattva will not enter some position like being a Buddha until everything is present as Buddha.

[39:05]

That's one way of saying. So that means, you're not, bodhisattva does not take a position of knowing until feeling a resonance or connection with everything. So this is a very deep intention. To not leave anything out. And you can begin. And Sashin is very important to begin. Not leaving anything out. In each breath. All the many things that come up in your own body. The feelings. The sensation. The pain. The boredom. The thoughts that carry you away. The thoughts that bring you back. To not leave any of those out.

[40:09]

To appreciate all, to appreciate each one as a unique and complete expression of the totality of things. And that the totality of things is expressed in each unique existence that arises within yourself, sitting as a. And then you extend that. infinitely in all directions. So the idea is pretty simple. Include everything and extend it infinitely. Include what is right immediately present. This is where you have to begin. It. Already. If you can just completely accept it. As Natalie was saying, that includes everything.

[41:12]

All past, all future. The biggest mistake is to think there's something else. To think that the ducks are someplace else. Just now. What? Just now. What?

[42:00]

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