This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. Good evening. So while I was sitting here, I was thinking on Wednesday nights, I usually feel so tired and I think, oh, I might fall asleep, but I sure don't feel like sleeping now. I'm just a small change of perspective and the body is enlivened, you know, in a totally different way. So welcome and greetings to everyone. This is not the last lecture of the practice period because there'll be seven more in quick succession, actually in the Saturday lecture, and then Rohatsu Sashin will begin, but in a way it's the last talk of the study period, you know, as we enter into Sashin, which is coming up very shortly.

[01:08]

So, I wanted to welcome everybody here. Old hands and new hands. You know, we call this place Beginner's Mind Temple. A place you can begin again. start over, actually, moment by moment. And that beginning over is what we call continuous practice because it contains everything. Sometimes we think of continuous as our projection, a series of activities separate from us that we have to do in time and space, stretching out endlessly, sort of boringly into the future. Somebody once told me, The problem I have with meditation is I always feel like I'm driving through Kansas. It's the same experience. But you can... There are other possibilities.

[02:13]

We'll talk a little bit about some other possibilities tonight. And, you know, provisionally we say beginner and old hand because as we say, all phenomena or... dharmas are empty devoid of inherent self or full of everything an enriching dynamic flow that arises complete everything nested like endless flowers right there before you and because they're empty in this way you actually can't attach to them or get stuck so whether you're an expert or a beginner you're a beginner. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to get stuck, really. And although that doesn't always seem like a relief, because we often would like to be stuck somewhere so we could gain something or get some purchase, actually, maybe I'll talk a little about this, it's actually the great relief of our life.

[03:22]

As Norman Fisher said sort of succinctly, we practice to give up the self we really don't have. What an odd thing to do. What are we doing here then? Giving up the self we don't have together. So this is our practice. So the title of this one, Dwelling in Peace. So I always give them the title for the talk so they can put it up correctly. And so my name is just some specifics. My name is Mark Lancaster, and I am a Soto priest, and I'm married to that person. And I live here and practice here to the best of my somewhat foolish abilities, actually. I was thinking, I'm feeling more and more kind of like a failed soto priest these days.

[04:31]

You know, somewhat of a mess that unkempt actually in my practice itself. So, but I feel pretty good. It's a very interesting state of affairs. You know, for many years I practiced here and I came... I lived outside. We lived over in the Richmond, and I'd drive over and I'd work downtown. And I called them my ghost realm years, you know, where I was not even involved in my own life. I was too afraid, actually, to enter into my own life. And it took a lot of coaxing and kindness, actually, of this place to let me hang around so long, you know. to actually show up in my own life, which is the invitation Zen Center offers, actually, to be here in your very own life. You know, we often get critical of this place, but I've found it to be one of the most generous and accepting places that I've ever seen.

[05:37]

So I support it. Maybe if something better comes along, I'll support that, but this is pretty darn good. Because of this kind of generous acceptance of being a mess, this mess, whatever it is, and letting it be seen by so many people, I can actually relax. I don't have to hold up a storyline, which is kind of exhausting, actually. So this kind of mirroring is what sangha offers. Just our plain selves together with all of our predicaments and foolishness and high hopes. We just show up and we let ourselves be seen and in that way we begin to enter into our lives. We leave the ghost realm and we enter into our very own existence.

[06:41]

This is an invitation to dwell in peace. Nirvana Buddha talks about it as peace, this ceaseless peace, or a promise of this place. So, talk a little about that tonight, peace, dwelling in peace. I was thinking of Michael, we're here, he's not here tonight. So, maybe Michael's my teacher, and in 1994, when I was still struggling with being a ghost, I came to him. Michael loves dreams. He said, you got any dreams? And I said, you know, it's a strange dream. I was running up and down a street carrying a duck, you know? And the duck, it was very, it was sort of floppy. Its head would fall over. I couldn't get the duck. You know, it was a very difficult duck. And I'd run up and down, and I was trying to get to the third floor, I said, of a building that had an atrium to another building, and it was like a big thing.

[07:45]

And he said, oh, you know, You're the odd duck. That's sin sinner. You're the odd duck. And I didn't, I don't know if I liked it too much then. I didn't want to be the odd duck. I wanted to be the perfect swan, you know, practice or something. So again, he invited me to be the odd duck I was. It's okay, you know. But you could use a little improvement, he said. But you're an odd duck. at a recent full moon check-in, and this is about my dishevelment, during the small group, I call it the, some people call it like the confession. It has kind of confession and repentance, but it's not quite, because in a sense, we're just here checking out our lives together. I said, whew, delusion beyond delusion. How quiet.

[08:46]

How tranquil. What a relief. And my wife said, don't talk like that. People will think you're kind of nuts. So what is this delusion beyond delusion? Do you know how delusion beyond delusion can be expressive enlightenment where the myriad things just coming forward to bless you? This is a form of dwelling in peace, this acceptance of this odd situation we find ourselves in together. Genjo Koan says, in attachment, leaves fall in an aversion, weeds spread. And that's our life. That's our life. Leaves falling and weeds spreading. What else is there? Delusion beyond delusion, here we are.

[09:48]

Very quiet place. Very quiet place to be together. So, I was going to... Anyway, I was going to mention, just to cut, Rohatsu starts next week here, and I think there may be... some room for sign-ups if people haven't signed up. And I won't talk too much about Rohatsu other than to say it's a seven-day sashin that everyone's invited to take part in. I won't talk too much about it. I think Abbot Ryushin Paul will talk a lot about Rohatsu very shortly and guide you through this. So I'll leave that to him. It literally means December 8th or the 8th day of the 12th month. But more than that, this is the time Gautama, after ceaseless inquiry, straining against the difficulties, he found himself in the predicament of sickness, old age, and death, of wanting to gain this enlightening insight, sat down.

[11:02]

He sat down on sweet kusala grass in the midst of his very own mortal and fragile life and vowed not to move until the light expressed itself, until this expressiveness revealed itself. But the sitting down is in the fragility of your own life. This is the invitation of Rohatsu, not being fixed up, not being structured or defended, but to give way to something, not to conquer. Sometimes, you know, I was a Catholic, you say, You don't discover that, actually. You let yourself be discovered. But there's energy in that discovery. The human energy is there to step forward. But the discovery is imminent, and it happens then in a sense of its own. This sitting is a fragility of our life, and our own problems is the invitation of this sashin, of our practice.

[12:07]

not trying to get out anymore, to get out of this, to hop over it. Vowing not to move, I wrote here, and this is important in Sushin, and not moving really isn't the same thing. It's actually okay to move, but we vow not to move. We vow to stay in the stillness of things, even when we move. You might have to move in Sushin. Don't worry too much, but come back to your vow. to be upright and still, to let this expressiveness touch you in the fragility of your own mortal life. In the past month, we've had a lot of good talks, so I was writing down some of the phrases, because I feel I'm the last sort of talk of the lecturing part of this issue, and some of the phrases I liked were, listen well in your heart, am I not here? I thought that was it. I won't tell you what these lines, but who they are, it doesn't really matter.

[13:11]

Sit with the vibration of fear. Just sit there, even when it comes up. Worry is the misuse of imagination. I like that line. Worry is the misuse of imagination. Entranced in deeper images, there's an endless replay of archetype and memory. If we are blind, if you're blind, then we're all blind. Disappointment and irritation are the beginnings of a deeper sense of direction and purpose. Yike. So I could talk about any one of these or weave these in, but they're all very, in a sense, this talk is all talks that we've given. It's unique in its flavor. It's the Mark Lancaster talk. Many things have been said of value. How you are touched by them and what you do with them becomes yours.

[14:13]

Somebody's thinking, do you get scared? Of course I get scared before I talk. I'm a mess. But in a way, these are your words when I'm done. I don't have to worry about them anymore. It's for you to pick up or not pick up. It's okay. Even falling asleep actually is okay. So, because at this time in Sashin, and sometimes in the practice period, which is Ango, practice period is translated dwelling in peace, or Buddhist dwelling in peace. Irritation and some disappointment may arise. I don't know, anybody notice any? It kind of comes up. So, but... One lecturer said, this is the beginning of a deeper sense of direction and purpose. This is sitting on the sweet kusala grass of the mortality and fragility of your life.

[15:18]

This edginess, this grittiness that comes up. We don't really want to be there. We want to kind of be somewhere else. steve steve weintraub and i think it might be in stored somewhere about 15 years ago he gave a talk he said you know we all want to get over the hump but buddhism is about under the hump it's under humpism so it's not about the ride over into some other place it's about deep getting in there deep you know we have to go deep And that takes a lot of kind of work. And unfortunately, some disappointment and irritation come up as we dig down a little bit. So you might notice that. You might notice that in the next seven days. Or given how I'm talking, maybe the next seven minutes.

[16:25]

Disappointment. Oh, it's the teachers at Zen Center. The potatoes are hard, and the teachers are cold-hearted, and they might get there. It's okay. It's okay, actually. It's a very, as you say, when this person said, when you get down there to this disappointment and some irritation, stay with it. It's actually the beginning of some activity. Some energy is kind of happening. It seems very negative, but it's what we make of it that becomes negative. becomes an impasse. The energy is actually quite creative. Norman wrote a thing called the eight stages of monastic practice, which you can Google sometime in his everyday foundation. And he said, well, after that first stage, after the honeymoon comes the disappointment. Pretty soon, you know, the food isn't so good.

[17:27]

It's not quite so lively anymore. It's not so religious anymore. It's a little bit of a mess. And in fact, it's kind of a mess we recognize. It feels like, well, kind of like our mess. The odd duck shows up again. And, you know, we kind of don't really want to work with the odd duck. We'd rather work with the swan, you know, the beautiful, I don't know, boaty being that we've created in our mind, you know, float on through. But actually, the odd duck is just perfect. And we all find our odd duck. We all find our odd duck. So when this comes up, meeting it is the invitation of practice. It's the invitation of Buddha sitting down on the Kusala grass in the midst of not getting out of here, not surviving this. In that sense, we're all on a sinking ship.

[18:29]

Isn't it crazy? Where are we headed so fast? Where are you going to go now? So then we're back here again in something very concrete, very tangible, our own irritation, our own frustration. So Norman says, and what we need to do is make up our minds, we're really going to do it. at this second stage when this hits. And he says, we're going to roll up our sleeves and stay in it for the long haul. And because we can't go anywhere, really it's not so long. It's just right here. So it's pretty straightforward, actually. It's pretty concrete again. So Nerman says, roll your sleeves up. Give up the self you don't have. Get busy. Strange directions. But that's what we're asked to do.

[19:29]

So one thing to do when you get disappointed and irritated is remember what brought you through the door. Don't worry about Mark's odd practice. This is Zaza and he's not so good. The food isn't so good. Why did you come here? What's your request? What's in your heart? So you go back to that. in the midst of your own disappointment. And it's a rich wellspring. There's energy in it, your request. Because there's suffering in it. So the first noble truth is suffering. Just this is suffering. Just this certain circumstance is suffering. Explore it for yourself. See what it is for yourself. Not just hear the words. Dukkha. suffering, unsatisfactory. Explore it. Look into it deeply.

[20:33]

This is getting stuck, this place, Buddha said. This is the first noble truth of all Buddhas. So we stay here and we examine this. What's this about? I feel pretty irritated and disappointed and stuck. It's kind of similar to what I felt before I came through the door. feels even worse somehow. I was even a little happier before I started this. I don't know if you've ever felt that. I was doing better before I got to Zen Center. It's a really kind of irritating place. Every time I start feeling pretty good, somebody brings up something and I'm pushed back into this mess. I don't know if that's ever happened to you. Michael used to always let me talk about whatever my newest over the hump was, and then he would pull the mountain out, and I would have to slide back into the abyss.

[21:35]

And then I would feel really lost, and he'd say, no, you're doing really well. So this is tricky. This is tricky. Sometimes you can even feel paranoid. They're trying to steal something from me. I just got it together and now so there's some trust involved in this. The trust is your own suffering. What brought you here? What's your difficulty? This is what you're working with and what you can work with. You have some power here. You're not powerless. So remember that when everybody looks kind of like there. not helping so much, you know, and they're not practicing very well, and the dolan fell asleep again, or, you know, or they wait. My hardest thing when I used to sit a lot of sashims was the dolan who would begin stretching 10 minutes before hitting the bell.

[22:38]

So I vowed, when I got to be dolan, I would wait till the last minute, just hit the bell. Of course, that was just my... fight thing maybe, I don't know. Anyway, this is the odd practice that we all have together. You know, we think it's all of the enlightening moments when we hop over this and people see our brilliance, but I remember all of the touching mistakes in our heartfelt effort to rise above them, to not drop our salad bowl, you know, to not miss some event and our attempt over and over to come back watch that watch the effort people are making don't watch their mistakes and we're all going to make mistakes it's really easy that's a cop-out come back to why you're here and hold a big possibility you know for each person when you get disappointed get kind of tired out this is uh bodhicitta

[23:45]

Buddha's mind, this is the mind of awakening itself, holding this big mind, this fantastic mind. Wisdom, I wrote that. Wisdom activity mind, it's continual. If you hold it up, actually, it just keeps going. It's like a gemstone. But you hold it by having this big possibility. It's too easy to say, this guy didn't do a good job as a server. He knows he didn't do it. job she knows she dropped something but wow they're doing it again tomorrow and they're trying even harder so pay attention to that it's very encouraging it encourages you actually you know and raise up this kind thought you know the brahma vaharas are an act of great imagination heroic freedom imagination loving kindness compassion sympathetic joy and equanimity It's not founded in any conditioned event, really, although it's inherent there.

[24:49]

You have to raise up this big possibility. Crazy mind, actually. It's a crazy mind. Yes. Right now, let's be kind. And your other mind that's afraid says, oh, I don't know, I don't know. If I act kind, they'll just walk all over me. And this other crazy mind goes, give that up. Express this possibility. Express this other thing. This bodhicitta. This wisdom activity. Do it. Do it. Do it. And pretty soon it just doesn't stop. Just keeps going. So this will help you when you get irritated too. And it actually works for you too. You start here. When you get irritated at yourself. the third day of Rohatsu, and I should have been enlightened. I think I'm enlightened, but nobody's noticing. It's kind of wonderful, actually, the touching quality of our situation.

[25:57]

So give all that up, too, in a sense. Give up striving, going anywhere else. Just come back. Delusion beyond delusion. The leaves just blowing in the wind now, quite freely. It's very peaceful. What's wrong with sitting here together? Rain one day, sunshine the next. Pretty good suit today. I don't know what that is. We just practice in this way. When you practice that way, a lot of space opens up. This emanation of... shunyata or emptiness or the dynamic free connection of all things happens quite naturally then. No big struggle. Of course we make an effort together to show up, but it's not such a big struggle anymore. Sometimes the idea occurs.

[27:01]

What a delightful moment. I think, hey, this is a great thing. Sometimes, not so good. Not such a good moment. So we just stay that. We stay here, touching this place over and over. And it begins to unfold slowly. Big possibilities. As we become less and less defended, actually, with time. Our own kindness, our own expressing of kindness makes us feel safer. So... Practice in that way when you get irritated and disappointed. Maybe it won't happen to you. It could happen. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all. You just sail through a session for a practice period. But it might. I'm going to stop pretty soon. It's tons of more pages. there's really not so much to do.

[28:10]

You know, the Buddha's defined a very small, he very kindly defined a very, very small area for you to put your kusala grass down and sit on, you know. He said, I'll read you this sutra. It's a very short sutra. Monks, I will teach you the all. It's pretty good. Do you want to know what the all is? what you practice with, what you should be sitting in. Listen and pay close attention. I will speak. Pretend I'm Kotama. And you say, Thank you. And the Blessed One said, And what is the all, monks? Simply... the eye in forms, ear in sounds, nose in aromas, tongue in flavors, body in tactile sensations, intellect in ideas.

[29:18]

This, monks, is called the all, sabaitin, or sarva. Anyone who would say, repudiating this all, monks, repudiating this all, I will describe another. I will describe another reality. if questioned out exactly what might be the grounds for this statement, would be unable to explain the nature of this non-experiential reality, and furthermore would be put to grief. Why? Because this lies beyond range. It's beyond our experience. It's conjecture, so it's excessive. So Buddha has laid out a very small area, actually, of this these six gates for you to work in, and the six consciousnesses arise, and the six seeming objects that relate to these, nose and tongue, body sensation. And then he gives you another hint, and he says, and in this area, pay attention to dukkha, suffering.

[30:24]

Pay attention to the suffering that arises due to confusion about this interaction. Pay careful attention. with compassion and dedication and some humor. And the humor is, again, you're giving up the self you don't have in the midst of this big effort. So it's a very big, generous area to examine. A small, big area to examine. So this is what you work with. No more, no less. So stay there during Sushin and in your practice. conceptualization is our greatest gift in some ways, and it's our greatest problem. It pulls us in, it allows us to draw conclusions that are out of range, beyond the range of our experience.

[31:30]

So we come back to our experience. our taste, our touch, the sounds, the smells, and what happens and how we relate to them. Our conceptions, and we're conceptual monsters in some way. It's okay. They're very useful. Conceptions frame sensation and perceptions which are discrete and immediate into past, present, and future. And they allow us to do certain things. But we become very excessive with them. So we need to come back and test it. Buddhism is very pragmatic. We test it with our very own experience. And what does this lead to? How does it feel? Am I more open, more generous? What's going on in my experience? So we test it here. It's not ephemeral at all, Buddhism. If anything, if it can't be proven, tasted, or experienced here,

[32:33]

We put it aside. And we work only in this realm of our own difficulty. So this is the area that we touch. Not so big. I'm done. It's too late. Talks over. Do your best. Do your best with Rohatsu. Support each other with some humor. Support yourself with some big generous humor, big soft mind. You know, Maitreya is the next Buddha. They say, this Buddha smiles a lot. You know, see that smile on the Buddhas. They all have this funny little smile. They're not going anywhere. They're very quiet in the midst of that smile. Not getting out anymore. So, support each other. Be willing to be kind of crazy.

[33:34]

Practice with happiness. Practice with creativity. If you're stuck, you're just not being creative enough. Michael said in one of his many columns. Try looking at it differently. Same situation, same person. Look at it maybe differently. Maybe you need some lift, you know, of this, the problem of a heart is, Maybe you need some lift in your practice. Maybe. But you're pretty smart cookies, actually. You're really smart cookies. Don't sell yourself short. They have the answers, actually. We've just sort of forgotten. We're here to explore them and dust them off together again. All right. Sayonara. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[34:57]

May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[35:00]

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