We've just had quite an exciting 10 days or so here at City Center. I think many of you may have noticed that there was a lot of excitement going on. First, we had a week of zazen and stutter with one of the leading Dogen scholars in this country, Shohaku Okamura. both impressive as a scholar and as a practitioner. And those of you who were here Saturday before last heard him lecture. But we had a very intense week with him of about 20 hours of lectures and maybe 40 hours of zazen, followed by a very exciting weekend of

[01:01]

a reunion of alumni from Tassajara, the people who helped to establish monastic practice at Tassajara during the first 25 years. And it was a great fun, but very intense. And a lot of people did a lot of work to pull it all together. And I would like many of them, so some staff members, some residents, many volunteers who are non-residents. If any of those include you, I would like to thank you very much. It was a great occasion for all of the alumni who were there, I believe. Who were here. And during last week, I received a, I, along with probably a dozen other people, received an email from Kosho McCall, who has been Kanto, or head of practice at Tassajara for the last about six years, and has now taken a little retreat where he's not responsible for other people's practice at Dampo Abbey.

[02:27]

the only monastery in the tradition of Chodron Trungpa Rinpoche and his Sangha. The teacher there is Anip Kama Chodron, whom many of you may know from her many books and articles and personal appearances. She's a wonderful teacher whom I greatly love. admire and respect. And she's just been invited both by the community at Gampo Abbey and by the leadership of Shambhala to be the spiritual director of Gampo Abbey. As she says, the, what does she call it, the mafia boss of the community. That is, they're inviting her to just take on leadership and make decisions independently in consultation with the community or independently of consultation with the community.

[03:34]

And it's kind of an exciting time there, according to Kosho. And I'd like to share with you some of what he wrote, because I think We could take some of it to heart. One of the things is she asked all of the practitioners at Gambo Abbey to read an article that our Donald brother, Norman Fisher, wrote. It appeared first in The Wind Bell. I'm not sure what issue is Windbill, but it's also online at the Everyday Zen Foundation website called The Eight Stages of Monastic Practice.

[04:37]

And Kama Chodron has asked her community to read it three times. And she's asked the monastics to read it five times. So I have... made a number of copies of it and put a couple of copies in the art lounge and a couple of copies in the residence lounge and a couple of copies in the reading room, and I invite you to read it. It's very tempting to read it to you here tonight, but I don't think that's fair, just to sit up here and read. But I would like to read some more of what Kosha wrote of what's happening at the Abbey right now. She has brought up the idea of commitment. Her vision is that the Abbey be a place where each person is responsible for oneself and accountable to the community.

[05:45]

Also, each person doing this... Fourfold practice. One, that they notice where they get hooked in a habitual behavior. Two, that they then pause, taking a couple of breaths. Then, three, stop the story line. And concentrate on feeling that awful underlying feeling. The almost irresistible urge to escape from the suffering. That underlying the storyline is some feeling. To stop and feel the feeling. Then move on to another activity. She says this prevents leaking, as we would say. which doesn't create any more karma and also burns up the seeds of past karma.

[06:54]

That is, this not leaking doesn't create any more karma and burns up the seeds of past karma. He says, each person will soon be asked if they are willing to commit to this practice with their assigned mentors. If yes, they stay. If no, they leave. It gives one the feeling that those who stay are all in this together to support each other. Very exciting. So this practice that she's suggesting is simply, you know, it's very precisely stated here, but it's a practice that we all do. We notice when... our habitual mind states arise. Now, if when our habitual mind states arise, let's say anger flares up or some old story of some slight or insult or whatever, or many of our oh poor me stories,

[08:15]

or oh, bad them stories. When the story arises, we notice it. Now, when you notice it, you have two choices. You could say, oh, you're doing that again. Shame on you. Well, if you respond in that way, You're not going to allow yourself to notice very easily because, you know, who wants to get kicked in the butt every time they think, you know, something comes up. My advice to you is when you notice some old and distressing mind state arise, the minute you see it arise, you say, oh, good, you noticed. Now you don't have to go down that road again. You can just let it go.

[09:17]

Been there, done that. I don't need to do it again. In that case, you can sort of congratulate yourself. Good for you. Good for you. You caught it. You don't have to get stuck in it now. You can just let it go by. And begin to reduce the energy we put into our old habitual stories. So that's very similar to what she's saying here. She says, notice when they get hooked on a habitual behavior that they then pause taking a couple of breaths. Then stop the storyline, concentrate on feeling that awful feeling the almost irresistible urge to escape from the suffering.

[10:20]

So, you know, these old feelings that we have, that we've repressed and that begin to come into consciousness as we sit, those feelings are going to stay in us until we allow ourselves to feel them and let them go. just to feel the feeling without all of the stories that we build up around them. Just to let it arise, feel it, breathe with it, offer it our kind attention, and let it go. This is how we can begin to... our habitual thinking patterns, the patterns that cause us such great suffering, the patterns where we identify a self with these feelings, with these stories, where we keep reconstructing a separate self and keep making heroes and villains in our stories.

[11:46]

So this process, Tama is putting such emphasis on in her community that people notice their habits and not act them out, play them out, but notice them Take a breath. Let them go. Feel the feeling and let it go. Until the habit begins to diminish. These old stories are very powerful. We cling to them. Someone said to me once, It's our conditioning.

[12:49]

What we're studying is what is our conditioning? How have we been conditioned? And I've had people tell me all kinds of things, you know, oh, you mustn't ever want something because then you're sure not to get it. Or I don't know, I don't need to go into it. You probably have your own favorites, don't you? Your own repetitive stories that you hear yourself, tell yourself. Sometimes the same story, but with different characters. And so, you know, we want to relieve ourselves. of this conditioned way of thinking so that we can actually be clearly here in the present moment and see what's actually going on instead of our habitual stories.

[14:00]

When we're not caught up in our old habits of mind, we can actually be here and be present for what's happening in this moment. We don't have some old self that we're trying to protect and maintain. So I really... Since, as I say, since Pema put such high... expressed such high appreciation for this eight stages of monastic practice that Norman spoke of, I went right to the Internet to get it and printed it out. And, you know, I recognize each of these, you know, the...

[15:12]

The first is, you know, this idealistic stage. Everything is wonderful and everybody is wonderful. You know, somebody said to me, well, when I came to Tassajara, I thought everybody here was enlightened but me. And I think, you know, many of us may have felt like that when we first came to practice. But he talks first about this idealizing everything, and then he says, So at their best, and if rightly understood, ideals ought to make us pretty light-hearted. They give a sense of direction, which is comforting, and since they are by nature impossibilities, why worry? Just keep trying. He says, ideals should inspire us to surpass ourselves when we need to

[16:16]

which we need to aspire to if we are to be truly human and which we can never actually do exactly because we are truly human. And that's what ideals are, tools for inspiration, not realities in and of themselves. So, he talks about first there is this this idealistic phase and you know the honeymoon and second the disappointment or betrayal and third the exploration of commitment and fourth

[17:21]

Commitment and flight. That's kind of interesting, you know. He says that sounds like an oxymoron, but that's what often happens. And, you know, I've seen it happen so many times. Somebody decides, oh, this is, I'm going to go to the monastery. And then at the last minute, they suddenly fall in love, you know. Oh, I can't go now because here's the one in my lifetime. I'm so sorry. I can't tell you how many times that's happened. It sounds like some people recognize it. But then, so we make this commitment. And then it's sort of too much.

[18:27]

And we run away. And then we come back. And fifth, the dry place. This is very interesting. Where you get into a rut in practice and there's no real juice in it. You just sort of going through the motions. And then six, he says, appreciation. And the way he describes that, I think, you know, you've been hearing me talk lately and I'm talking about gratitude all the time. So I think he talks about We come to appreciate very much the tradition to which we now truly belong.

[19:30]

We feel a personal relationship to the ancients and see them as people very much like ourselves. Texts that formerly seemed arcane and luminous now seem autobiographical. We have a great gratitude for the place where the monastery is located, for the whole planet that supports it. Our life becomes marked by gratitude. We delight in expressing it whenever and in whatever way we can. This is the sixth stage, the stage of appreciation. When I read that, I thought, oh, he's been reading my mind. Because you've heard me the last any number of times I've talked, it's always been about gratitude or gratefulness. That's where I am now. It's a great feeling, and I recognize all of these things that went before that he's talking about. And I look forward to what he calls the seventh stage, which he develops these greatly.

[20:43]

That's why I want you to go and read the pieces. Read the ones that I've put out. But the seventh stage, he says, is the stage of love. I'm looking forward to that. The eighth and final stage, though I must repeat here what I said in the beginning, that there are in fact no neat stages. There is in fact no ending, that the stages are simultaneous, spiraling, overlapping, both continuous and discontinuous. But the final stage is the stage of letting go of everything, even of the practice. At this stage, there isn't any practice or teaching or monastery or Dharma brothers or sister. There is only life in all its unexpectancy and color. We can leave the monastery or stay. It doesn't matter.

[21:44]

We can be with these people or any people or no one. We can live or die. We clearly want to benefit others, but how could one not benefit others? We have certainly plenty of problems, a body, a mind, a world, but we know that these problems are the media of our life as we live it. There isn't much to say or do, we just go on seeing what will happen next. That's down the line, as he says, you know, about 20, 30 years down the line. But I really appreciate what Pema is doing there at Gampo Abbey.

[22:50]

And recognize that it's also what we're doing here at Tassajara most completely because we don't have all the distractions of city life at Tassajara. So it's a little bit more advanced practice here really because here we have to find our way to practice in the midst of all of the distractions of city life. We have to provide ourselves with a certain amount of discipline that is just built into the isolation of Tassajara. But this business of really studying our own

[23:53]

conditioning and freeing ourselves from that conditioning by just letting things arise and subside without acting on them. Just being present with them, attending to them carefully, not believing the stories but seeing the stories, not as Suzuki Roshi said, you don't have to invite every thought to sit down and have a cup of tea. What is it, what is it beyond thought? What is that line that you mentioned to me, Janna, that you read somewhere? What is an radiant in the radiant darkness beyond thought. What is there in the radiant darkness beyond the thinking?

[25:02]

So this is the not thinking is facing this question of what is there beyond thinking? Can we Let our habitual thoughts be still and just be right here investigating, being curious about what is there beyond thinking. There is a, there was something that Adilio had on his altar, which I admired a lot and which Lise kindly gave me. It's a picture of a Theravadan monk traveling with his, with his begging bowl over his shoulder.

[26:14]

And it says, if you become peaceful, then accept it. If you don't become peaceful, then accept that also. In order to become peaceful, we have to be willing to stay with ourselves. Without running away, without moving away from the experience of this moment, Ajahn Chah says, when the practice gets uncomfortable and you want to quit or run away, that's when you know you're on the right track. I'd like to open this up now for any questions or discussion that anyone would like to know.

[27:36]

The four steps. Notice where you get hooked in a habitual behavior or thought. Then pause. Take a couple of breaths. Then stop the storyline. Concentrate on feeling that awful underlying feeling. The almost irresistible urge to escape from the suffering. Then move on to another activity. Notice when you get hooked. and habitual behavior. Pause, taking a couple of breaths, stop the storyline, concentrate on feeling the feeling underlying, then move on to another activity.

[28:46]

Or if you're sitting, then just move on, you know, just return to breath, return to breath, return to breath. Anyone else? Well, as Shohata-san said, speaking of Zazen, he says, Zazen is not about thinking. It's not about explanations. It's just do. Just do. Speaking of the... He was speaking of Jyobutsu Igi, the lignified conduct of practice Buddha.

[29:51]

So this practice, just doing this practice, without conceptualizing it, without making a story about it. Just doing this practice, having confidence that it will allow the Buddha that you are to manifest in the world. And my experience is that this dignified conduct, my own experience was seeing Suzuki Roshi's dignified conduct

[31:01]

was completely what resulted in my... turning my life over to practice. I wanted to be like him. And he got there by sitting zazen, I was going to sit zazen. As in the story that... Chahakasan read us about Shariputra seeing one of the Buddha's first five disciples on his begging round, seeing his dignified conduct, which had come from his practice, saying, who's your teacher? I want to study with your teachers. This dignified conduct of practice Buddha truly inspires beings to practice.

[32:15]

This is how we can help beings, by cultivating practice Buddha. And I think when we consider how much we are supportive in this practice by our companions, by the forms and structure that Suzuki Roshi established here for us to practice, naturally It results in gratitude. And we could not do this by ourselves.

[33:20]

This is not something we can do by ourselves. We all need each other. And we are all supporting each other. We are being supported by and supporting each other all the time. So thank you all for supporting my practice and I'll do my best to support yours.

[34:01]

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