This. And. I want to start by reading an excerpt from Dogen's Pure Standards.

[17:45]

It's the story of Guishan and calling. The great Gwishan one day called for the director. The director came and Gwishan said, I called for the director. Why did you come? The director did not respond. Also, Gwishan had the Jisha call for the head monk. The head monk came and Gwishan said, I called for the head monk. Why did you come? The head monk did not respond. Tao Shang later answered on behalf of the director. I know the teacher did not call me. On the behalf of the head monk, he answered, I just heard the Jisha call. Fayan answered differently. I just heard the Jisha call. Turning over the single circumstance of this story, you must directly investigate the bloodline of the temple administrators and monastic department heads.

[18:57]

I studied this or really the pure standards with Shokin Weinkoff over at Ryamanji in a short angle that I did with him several years ago, lots of years ago, almost 10 years ago now. Shokin studied, I think, at Zui Oji, and he shared with us his notes from when they studied this piece there with his teacher long ago, or one of his teachers long ago. He shared his notes, and his notes say, the director must be one who penetrates the way with whole body mind. There is no director, no ego self.

[20:07]

In this sense, the director and the monk serving as director are not the same. Second part of the story is that you cannot separate the director and the person. So for the person to be director, the person must have the mind of Shinjin Dakaraku. Body and mind dropped off. This is 24 hours Zazen, no discrimination about carrying out function. When talking about this, we're talking about no-self. This is part, I think, what we need. When I call you, who shows up? is it that we go through life always asking who we are, but never being who we are?

[21:09]

Always wishing, aspiring is a good word, to be Buddha, but somehow never getting there, never making quite the effort to get there. Stopping off body and mind is essential to this practice. That's what Zodran is all about. Letting go of all those ideas of self, all these identities, who society thinks we are or thinks we should be. And all our shoulds and shouldn'ts and all that. All our desires to look good in whatever way we think good looking means to the world.

[22:15]

That really isn't paying us much attention. Not the real us anyway. We talked about this for a long time. I think we've talked about this for two or three days. Trying to get it, you know, when I was out at Ryamanji with Shoken Sensei. Shoken Roshi, really, now, at this point. You should all meet Shoken. He's a great guy. He's like Zen Dad. And he's got those eyebrows that are so on fire. He really does have the, you know, Zen master eyebrows. And really, during that time, I made an effort to practice at this, just showing up.

[23:18]

You know, I had to ring the bell or when I was in the kitchen. Just showing up, just showing up. And it was awkward and kind of, you know, a little feeling with this ego, feeling a little not up to it. You know, not really doing something, you know, not really skillful at it. And all the crap that I worry about that is not the point. So this is kind of, this comes up for me a lot. And I'm sure it does for a lot of people. And I'm very much aware that it's my ego that holds me back. That keeps me from going ahead and stepping in when I'm needed.

[24:21]

When I'm asked. Because that's all this is. Nobody's asking me to be superwoman. Nobody's asking me to be the smartest thing in the room. Nobody's asking me to, you know, whatever. I just need to be here and do this in this moment as best I can. I think I got a glimpse of this when I did my Zusei several years ago. Zusei, if you don't know, is when you go to Aheji and Sojiji and you act as Abbott for the morning at Aheji and Sojiji.

[25:29]

That's what it is. And basically, you're going in and you're doing the same thing that you do right here, a little different, at the altars of the monastery that morning. They give you these little red slippers. And so, Gigi, you get to wear this red robe, bright red robe. and you go around and light the incense through the boughs, say the sutras, and just like every morning. I remember being there, and of course, not speaking Japanese, And they're these young Japanese men, very spry, very attentive, all around me, trying to tell me, you know, fill me in, but you do as you go the day before and they fill you in and they take you around and you kind of practice a little bit and they tell you where everything is and so on.

[26:50]

But they're not telling you a whole lot. They're giving you little details like turn this way instead of this way in this hall. You know, things that you... couldn't possibly know because you don't practice in that particular temple. Just like here, for me. You know, little details that I wouldn't know. And then for the night they put you in this little room called the Abbott's Room. It's real posh. Nice. They even had a light-up toilet. My goodness. And they tell you, you know, We're going to come and ring a bell at such and such a time, some bad awful early time. And you should be ready when the bell rings. So I set my little clock and, you know, I get up in the morning and I put on all my robes and I sit there and I'm a little bit too early, but I'm sitting there and I'm ready because I just know I'm going to mess this up.

[27:58]

I'm going to embarrass myself and my teacher and the whole of America. I'm going to embarrass him because I'm so freaking important. And everybody is worried about what I'm going to do. I'm sitting there and I'm already sweating because it's midsummer, July. And Japan is almost unbearable for someone like me. So I'm already sweating. And the bell rings. Now, the funny thing about this whole process, I kept trying to find somebody who did Suise in Japan and asking them, well, what was it like? What did you do? You know, give me some tips. And I'd ask people and they'd say... Oh, you know, and ask Tejo, because Tejo did hers, you know, years ago.

[28:59]

And instead of telling me what she did, she told me this funny story about, you know, one of the people, one of the women that were doing it with her had this altercation with this monk. And I'm like, okay. That's what she gave me. I called somebody else, and they're like, oh, we went to this fabulous restaurant after. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, blah, blah. I'm like, okay. But what did you do? Oh, I don't remember. I'm like, okay. So I went into this thinking, okay, maybe this is a secret that they're not supposed to tell me what I'm going to do. Or I don't know. Maybe we're not supposed to talk about it. I don't know. So I had no clue, you know. But the funny thing is that bell rang. And everything disappeared. And I just went out the door.

[30:03]

I'd like to say I went out the door like a greyhound out of the gate, but it was more waddle like me at the door and behind these young men who were taking me so fast through these corridors and up and down these stairs and all that. I did the bows. I can smell the incense. What really stays in my mind is that bowing, you know, bowing in three different halls and no air conditioning. These big dark halls with the rafters are just black. And I don't know whether that's how the trees came or whether that's just black with centuries of smoke. But it was dark. And full of incense and smoke. And I went through these things, you know, and there were little mishaps.

[31:11]

I think I might have turned the wrong way in some place. And I know I lost a slipper and had to step back and get my slipper. You know, those kinds of things, because that's me. A little bit of attention falling away at the wrong time. Losing a red slipper. But in the end, by the time, you know, I got through all of these and I and it was finished. It was just finished. And apparently I did it whatever I needed to do. You know, sufficiently to someone's satisfaction that. You know, it was okay. And then we're just standing there talking about where we're going to get lunch. And the thing is, through the whole thing, you know, by the time we get to Zuise, we've been in this probably for a while.

[32:15]

All the training that I'd gone through. through Tejo and the other places that I'd been, just kicked in. And all I had to do was trust it and just go and bow when that bell rang and, you know, put the incense straight as possible, you know. And I didn't look like anybody else. I didn't look like the abbot of Aheji, I'm sure. Though nobody filmed this thing, God. It was just two. Putting the incense, doing the vows. For that moment, that morning. And I don't know that I did it right or wrong. It doesn't matter. It was done. And it really felt

[33:20]

Because it was so, I don't know, it was both so familiar and strange at the same time. Old and new at the same time. It was me and the abbot at the same time. Who was there placing that incense? It didn't matter. I was in that place and I had to step into it with all I had. And I think this is just being there.

[34:22]

Not trying to be anything special. Because it's not special, and it is. You know, being in Heiji, in Dogen's Hall, in Dogen's, you know, Kaisando is special. But it's no different from being in front of the altar at Great Tree, being at the Kaisando upstairs, special as that is. It's all one thing. And all I have to do is reach for what I have right now. You know, my favorite image, one of my favorite images is the Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara with all the arms. And you see her standing and sometimes dancing.

[35:32]

There was one statue I saw. And, you know, she's got all these arms and thousands of arms. And one of them is a bucket. And one of them is a sword. And one is a, I forget what you call it, those little wands. And one is a hammer, you know. the grand and the mundane at the same time we are all of that but sometimes this strange irritating ignorant body-mind just gets in the way and causes me to stumble when it's something that I already know and I don't trust it.

[36:41]

And I think that's like that with our true Buddha nature. Everything in samsara is telling us what's important and what we should be and shouldn't be. And what's cool and not cool and what's smart and who's important and who's not. And instead of reaching for the true self, trying to build all these cells from all this trash that You know, and delusion that people throw, that I throw and create. And sometimes nothing gets done. And it could be much not easy. Much more, you could have a much more smooth way of getting through life.

[37:51]

Stopping this. It's not important that in acting as Abbott that day that I did great or whatever. It wasn't that I did it right. None of that matters. It's that our whole hearts are in what we're doing. And our full acknowledgement of the vow is in what we're doing. Whether you've taken vows as ordained or not

[38:57]

The vow to save all beings is what's important. When Grishon called his boys. Oh, I'm assuming they're boys. Excuse me. Called his monks. And they showed up. Did they show up? As monk number one. Or blah blah blah monk. They showed up as director. They showed up as. What was it? Jisha? No. Head monk. And that's all that had to be there. Nothing else had to be there at that moment. Just. I was going to go back to something.

[40:01]

Shoken said, 24 hours, no discriminating about carrying out function. Doesn't matter what we're doing. It doesn't matter the role, whether you're Abbot or cleaning the toilet. You show up in Zazen for all of that. Those of us who are waiting or not waiting, who are here to be saved by me and you, we don't need who you think you are or who you wish you were. We don't need you to impress us or abuse us. What we need is the Bodhisattva. Your true self with all the tools that you have at your disposal.

[41:16]

Ready and willing to engage or to help wholeheartedly. You don't have to be perfect. Just be present so that your truest self arises in this moment. This is the Buddha nature arising in the world, and this is what it means to be saving all beings. This is what it means to practice. This is dropping body and mind and getting out of the way and doing the bows and sweating like the in the garden that Dogen met, because who else is going to do that? Who else answers this call? know if I'm filling the time appropriately, but that's what I have to say today.

[42:30]

This is it. Excuse me. I'm using my little machine so as not to use any paper. I hope this stitching continues in this nice, soft manner that it seems to have started in. Just be here. I have no instruction for you, but just be here. Just lay down all that superfluous. And allow the true person to arise.

[43:33]

And don't even ask the question, who am I? You don't know. And you won't know until it arises. So, you know, let it come. seven. For the next period of dozen, we'll begin at 11.10.

[47:08]

You can take a short bio break, use the bathroom, and then get straight down.

[47:17]

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