This podcast is offered by San Francisco's Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. And for those of you here for the first time and those of you here for the hundredth time, welcome to Beginner's Mind Temple. Today we're having a one-day sitting where about 60 of us are sitting in a zendo for the day, which is also the start of a three-week intensive period of time where a number of us will be doing a lot of meditation and trying to make our time throughout the day hold it with awareness, attending to our thoughts and emotions

[01:02]

physical experiences. And that's what I'd like to talk about today, in a word zazen. Although the word mindfulness might also work. A friend of mine was telling me yesterday, he did research on the number of books that had the word mindfulness in the title. And he said, up until 1970, he could find about 20. And they were all written by seasoned teachers. And then 70 to 90, there were about 20 or 30 more. And then from 2000 until now, there's about 200 on all sorts of subjects. The one that stuck in my mind was mindfulness and poker.

[02:02]

And I thought, mindfulness is probably very useful when you're playing poker. So mindfulness or an attentiveness to whatever's going on. And to take it down to another level of detail, two aspects of attentiveness. Directing attention and receptive attention. And I'd like to try to illustrate that with this. Earlier, quite recently, I was mediating a conflict between two people here at the Zen Center. And we have a process for doing this where we meet, we sit down, And then we ask the two people to speak.

[03:06]

One speaks and one listens. And then after that person has said something, the other person repeats it back. And then they switch. The one who just repeated speaks their truth and the other one repeats it back. And it's a very interesting process, especially when there's some heat, some charge. some tension between the two folks. When you're in the process, you discover it's quite difficult to stay in the heat of your own internal experience, the charge of your emotional distress, and at the same time offer directed attention to another person. to such a degree that you're going to be able to repeat back what they said. Your mind, accompanied by your emotions, quickly wants to go to your version of the story, your rebuttal, your response to their statement.

[04:18]

But the discipline of the exchange is that you actually pause, direct your attention, to the content of what they're saying, hold it in mind, and then offer it back. And just watching these two people go through the process. And then it goes back and forth. Speak for 30 seconds, two minutes, then the other person speaks, and back and forth. just the discipline of directed attention. Not to dismiss your own point of view, not to diminish or reject the validity of the world according to you, the emotions it stirs up, the perspectives that are within it.

[05:22]

Not to invalidate that, but to just hold it well you pay attention when you direct attention and this is part of the request of Zazen and then as both people do this they discover oh you said something and I sort of lost track because of my own response And then they keep at it, and then the other person says, okay, let me say it again. And gradually, the connection, the communication. Oh, there's more than one perspective in this. Oh, there's my world and what I think and what I feel, and there's another person. And they have thoughts and feelings. And amazingly, they aren't identical to mine.

[06:28]

How could that be? Mine seems so ripe to me. How could somebody else have an alternative way of looking at it? So a connection is starting to be made. And this connection is the heart of the word Zen. In other words, Zen comes from Chan, comes from Jana, comes from absorbed in connection. So in many ways, in Zen practice, we are opening up to the connection that's always there. We don't manufacture connection. Connection is there. The nature of existence is interactive. How could we annoy each other if we weren't connected?

[07:32]

How could we love each other if we weren't connected? And yet, our tendency is to separate, to create a version of reality that's constituted from the thoughts and feelings that arise in our subjective experience. conjure that up and to become absorbed in that. So there's an interesting kind of connection in that absorption in this experience, the subjective experience. And then there's a disconnection from the interaction that happens with everything else. So as these two folks spoke, the discipline of listening to each other, of settling into the space, of attuning attention in a disciplined way when the other person spoke.

[08:54]

And then the relief maybe even cathartic, of being able to speak their own truth. And the comfort of knowing that somebody else was listening intently. The challenge of practice, this practice of awareness, is to neither get lost in the subjective or to try to Ignore the subjective. Our subjective experience is our life. It's how our life energy is manifesting, how it's expressing itself. So when someone listens deeply to us, there's a validation. I would say there's a reassurance for us. And just watching these two people go through this process, watching the nobility and the courage with which they held their own difficulties, their own suffering, and spoke their truth as clearly as they could.

[10:20]

And listened as clearly and... open-mindedly and open-heartedly as they could. And the marvelous thing is often the nobility of that process starts to have an influence. Often it creates a container. Okay, there are two points of view. Okay, your point of view stirs up for you feelings. And my point of view impacts you and stirs up feelings. There's an ability and then there's a spaciousness. It's not

[11:27]

a small world where it needs to be either or. Either you're right or I'm right. It's a world in which there's many, many points of view. And it's not a problem. In Buddhism we actually say there's countless points of view. And that's the blessing of our life. That all these points of view offer themselves up as an expression of our life. And then within that context of connection with some nobility, with some spaciousness, a certain clarity can emerge.

[12:32]

And I must say, watching it, facilitating it, brought up for me an appreciation for both of them. It's not easy. It's not an easy process to hold your pain and give attention. It's actually not that easy to speak our own truth with clarity, with balance, with accuracy. So often, when we speak, there's an urgency because of our pain. And then we're inclined to, shall we say, embellish just a little. To make a point. And maybe that's the blessing other offers us by listening attentively.

[13:40]

We don't need to embellish. We don't need to yell. Literally or just with our language and our imagery. And actually, in that particular exchange, we didn't fully resolve the issue. We quite literally ran out of time. And we will proceed on another occasion. And I think this image, this process of interaction, holds true in Zazen. Where in a way, we are both, we're both parties. There is an awareness of the subjective and there is a directed attention to the activity of the moment that's not simply what has arisen through

[15:00]

response to our own thoughts and feelings. And again, in Zazen, the challenge is to neither be caught up in the subjective, entranced, held within some kind of dreamlike state of being, or to struggle to dismiss it, suppress it, or have it concocted in a way that meets our notion as to how it should be. Some ways we could say that Zazen asks of us a certain kind of trust, just the same way in that environment of conflict resolution, to set the scene, to set the space.

[16:02]

To have someone who holds a balanced, open perspective. And reminds both parties. Speak your truth, listen to the person's truth. So similarly, in Zazen, we set the scene. We set the scene, usually, in formal way, with our posture. We set the scene with our disposition, a willingness to experience what arises and notice it. It's in between being caught up in it and wanting to control it. We remind ourselves each time we sit, oh, this is a bite. noticing what's happening. There's a discipline to it.

[17:09]

There's a permission to it. There's a trust to it. And each time we sit to attune those qualities, the discipline, the trust, the permission. Each time to remember that we don't exactly know what's going on for us. That this moment, this arising now, the story we want to tell right now, whether it's an expression of distress or delight, whether it's an expression of desire, or aversion cannot be held with this open spaciousness.

[18:10]

And I would say the natural complement is this directed attention. In the interpersonal exchange, the discipline of needing to listen so you can repeat back. You know, sometimes we talk about cultivating attention in Zazen through noting. Similar kind of process. Allowing the direct attention to notice what's being experienced. As a way to to not be immersed in the inner workings of our being, of our psychology, of our consciousness. And attending to posture, particulars of posture, attending to the experience of breathing, counting breath, in the service of supportive, directive attention.

[19:30]

not, and this is sometimes where we trip up, not directive attention to create a certain consequence. You attend to the other, not to tell them what to say, but to listen to what they're saying. The same in Zazen. We attend to what's going on to hear what's happening, to feel what's happening. So this is something that as we sit sazen, we're monitoring. How does direct attention set the stage for receptive attention? So direct your attention to your posture, but don't stay endlessly busy making your posture perfect. Direct your attention to your breath, but don't get lost in making breath.

[20:42]

Discover that the body breathes, that the breath breathes the body. You don't make it, do it. It's already happening. The direct attention allows that awareness to reveal itself. You listen to the other person and they reveal their truth. And something in the process of listening has its own nobility. Something in the process of attending has consequence. Not necessarily the consequence you want it to have, but it has consequence. Sometimes it may be a quickening. It may stimulate more emotion.

[21:45]

But even in that, when there's a dedication, a steadfastness to the directing attention, it creates a grounding. It creates the spaciousness, the nobility, the receptivity that help us dishold the experience from heaven. The same way we can offer it to others, we can offer it to ourselves. And this is key. This is key to the process of Zazen. At the heart of Zazen, of course, the essence of this process happens on the cushion, sitting cross-legged, happens when we're speaking to each other, happens when we're involved in a task, happens in whatever activity is happening in the moment.

[22:59]

Even playing poker. And so as we sit Sazen, this is our gyroscope, you know, coming back. When consciousness, when awareness goes into a dream. I was talking to someone recently who had was just beginning to start to sit Zazen. And they were remarking on how hard it was to work with their mind because their mind was constantly thinking. And of course, being new to Zazen, they thought,

[24:11]

well, there must be something wrong with my mind because everybody else's mind seems to be utterly peaceful. This person is a poet. And I said, think of it as spontaneous poetry. Your being is generating this long poem about being alive something about trust something about appreciation for the life we're living which of course is not so easy when there's distress in the middle of that but even so something about the marvel of being alive.

[25:16]

Something about how we've been living this life all this time, our whole lifetime, and it's still a mystery. But nobody can sit for 30 minutes and then say, I thought exactly what I thought. How are you just going to think? I had all the thoughts and feelings and images and And even when we're caught up in repetitive thinking and feeling, those nagging stories that stay relevant, to listen carefully to the relevance. What is it about it that needs to be repeated? In what way Is it so important for you? Is there a feeling there?

[26:20]

Is there an expression of deep desire or distress? Even when the mind may seem unruly, thwarting the beautiful, noble clarity of practice. To not move towards control, but to sustain a directed attention that reveals what's going on. This is the constant challenge of Zazen. Directed attention that sets the stage, that makes evident, that makes available, for receptive attention, the experience of the moment. And as we sit, this is what we look at.

[27:29]

We watch when we turn it into a struggle or an issue of control. We watch where we just space out and float away in some story. and it's an experiential learning. We learn to do it by doing it. In some ways, it's almost like exercising a muscle. As you do it, you get a feel for it. When you first said zazen, it feels like, ah. You do that all day? That's impossible. But as you keep at it, you realize It's no more impossible than ruminating in your thinking and repetitive thoughts and struggling with what distresses you and energizing what you desire or hate.

[28:32]

They're using up your energy, too. And as we continue the process, something happens. Not because we make it happen, but because it's the nature of our being. It's a little bit like our digestive system working. You eat food and your digestive system starts working. You don't make it happen. It's the nature of your being. When we meet the moment with this directed and receptive attention, something starts to happen. quite literally, something starts to be realized. And then amazingly, as we're starting to discover through neuroscience and even physiology and physics, our being attuned.

[29:37]

Our brain attunes. Our prefrontal cortex starts to attune itself to the practice of awareness. The very nobility of it influences the workings, the wiring of our brain. The spacious settling affirmation of it influences our physiology. But not because we make it do so. But simply because it's intrinsic to our being. So again, this trust in the process. And in many ways, we discover that trust by practicing that trust.

[30:48]

When you let your breath breathe your body, something is discovered, something's revealed. You may turn it into an idea, but really the idea is just referencing something beyond words. This is the process of designing. This is the process of creating an intimacy, a connectedness that Is that literally at the heart of our lives? No. As those two folks talked to each other, even though they didn't agree with each other, as they started to realize, this is a person just like me.

[31:55]

They're not like me that they have the same opinions as me. But in many ways, they're like me that they have the same emotions as me. They're not like me that they drew the same conclusions from our shared experience, but they're like me that they were searching for respect, appreciation. They were like me that they wanted to be acknowledged. So as we sit, we're addressing something extraordinarily fundamental to the human condition. Each one of us wants that affirmation. Maybe in our everyday life, we translate that affirmation into some particular consequence.

[32:59]

I want people to admire me. I want a prestigious job. I want a certain material wealth. However, we may translate that. But the process of Zazen is to touch the essence of it. To discover something about what makes a human life vital, important. What is it? that brings for us, brings forth for us an affirmation. And to make a bit of a jump, I'm going to describe, use the word love for that affirmation. because then it gives me an excuse to read this poem.

[34:06]

Just full disclosure. It's by Ciesel O'Molosh. It's interesting. I also have a little quote from him which ends like this. Yes, I've often been in love with something or someone Yet falling in love is not the same as being able to love. That's something different. This process of connection, it's not so much about reaching out and grasping as it is opening and receiving and staying open and continuing the process of receiving and connecting.

[35:12]

So here's when he turns it into the word love, he talks about it this way. Love means to learn to look at yourself the way one looks at distant things. The sense of spaciousness. So when we offer the marvel of our own being, when we offer the marvel of other being, when we offer the marvel of interbeing, sound space, invariably it draws us into relationship with something mysterious, marvelous, noble, asking for compassion about the human condition. Love means to learn to look at yourself the way one looks at distant things.

[36:22]

For you are only one thing among many. And whoever sees that way heals her heart. Whoever sees that way heals her heart. The process of the Zen will not necessarily give you what you want as it arises for you in the particular. But will it address something fundamental? And I don't mean to say that as you sit the Zen, it's all bliss and happiness. No, as you open up your being, things of your life, of your heart, of your emotions, of your psychology come forth to have their say. You have endless conflict resolutions with yourself.

[37:25]

But each offers a poetic expression, shall we say, of engagement, of connection. of intimacy. And when each is held with that noble space in that intimacy, with that recognition and acknowledgement and appreciation, whoever sees that way heals her heart without knowing it. Whoever sees that way heals her heart without knowing it from the various ills. a bird and a tree say to him, friend. Then she wants to use herself and things so that they stand in the glow of ripeness. It doesn't matter whether he knows what he serves, who serves best doesn't always understand.

[38:41]

And then he wants to use himself and things so that they stand in the glow of ripeness. It doesn't matter whether she knows what she serves, who serves best, doesn't always understand. So in Zen practice, We give ourselves to Zazen, quite literally. We give attention. We receive the experience of the moment. And something happens. Each time we sit, it happens the way it happens in that sitting. What's experienced is what's experienced. This great unending

[39:44]

poetic expression of being alive. Sometimes a stormy sea and sometimes quiet and peaceful. Sometimes we're flooded with gratitude and sometimes we rage with resentment. Can there be space no matter what? Can we explore what that might be through connecting to how it is in the moment? This is the inquiry of Zazen. And it's not, when you turn it into words, it sounds like something you do with your thinking. You do with your being. You do with the process of directing attention and receptive attention. It's not a cognitive process. Maybe at the point of noting, oh, this is what's happening.

[40:50]

But hopefully as an introduction to fuller experiencing. But it's something you allow. It's not something you make happen. So each time we sit, it's this inquiry into the mystery and marvel of being alive. Yes, there are particulars we can offer, body, breath, directed attention, and we open to something like this. Love means to learn to look at yourself the way one looks at distant things. For you are only one thing among many. To look at yourself the way one looks at distant things.

[41:58]

For you are only one thing among many. And whoever sees that way heals her heart without knowing it from various ills. And whoever sees that way heals his heart. without knowing it from various ills. A bird and a tree say to her, friend. Then she wants to use herself and things so that they stand in the glow of ripeness. It doesn't matter whether he knows what he serves, who serves best, doesn't always understand. So. So a whole bunch of us are now going back down to the basement to take this up as directly and fully as we can. Getting lost in our thoughts, getting lost in trying to control our thoughts, reminding ourselves, what's this all about?

[43:13]

Oh, it's about noticing what's happening. It's about learning directly through practicing, through experiencing, what is it to let this be what it already is? What could be simpler? And yet, in the throes of the human condition, what could be more difficult? This is the great delight of Zazen, you know? constant unfolding, just the way our life is. And something extraordinary happens in the process. I didn't have one other thing I wanted to say. So today is also the beginning of a three-week intensive.

[44:13]

And there are a number of people in the building who and living nearby who come on a regular basis to participate in that. And really, it's just about saying, for this period of time, we're going to try to stay as close and connected to that process as possible. And it's certainly our hope, actually, it's our deep intention and vow to make this practice and to support and guide people to do it as much as we can. So we're going to try to create an Internet interface for those of you who can't come to participate. And maybe that'll be a great disaster. You know, maybe it's a truly foolish notion to think that. But how will we know if we don't try?

[45:15]

And maybe it is, you know, a way to use the technology of our time to support each other, to offer. So what we will offer is we'll offer the classes, we'll offer the various activities. So if you want to listen to them and help support your practice, they'll be on the web. Maybe you know just how to do that. And of course, if you want to come and sit body to body, that would be wonderful. And you're more than welcome. And if you do participate in some ways, your feedback would be very valuable for us. It helps us discover, should we just not bother with this? Should we bother a whole lot more with it? Is it enormously helpful? We're just going to find out that by doing it together.

[46:22]

So please, if you have any feedback for us, tell us in person or email us or whoever you wish to. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge. and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[47:02]

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