This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Welcome to Beginner's Mind Temple. Today we're having one day sitting where we emphasize silence, not talking. And behind that, non-thinking. So what am I doing? Talking. I used to get annoyed, I think. When I was a pretty new practitioner, I'd get annoyed sitting session and having to come up and listen to someone talk. So... But how can you expect me to be practicing non-thinking while you're talking?

[01:01]

So it's a practice of just listening. You don't have to remember anything. You don't have to think about anything. Just hear the sounds of the, well, the sound system here. And the street, the room, other people with some equanimity, everything being equal. And it's the day before the calendar says Mother's Day, and someone already brought me some flowers for Mother's Day. So I thought, Yeah, we have, actually the word abbot comes from the Greek abba, meaning father, but I think it means father, mother.

[02:04]

So we have abbots and abboses, father, mothers, mother, fathers. And we've been talking about dharma companions, dharma companionship or companionship that supports your practice. of, say, being completely true to what is. And I think, of course, we all have mothers and fathers, as it turns out. Whether they're present, absent, living, or dying, or dead, or gone, they're still actually here in you. And Dharma companions are like that, but I think maybe a little less, what should I say, emotionally charged, maybe.

[03:08]

Maybe we need Dharma companions in addition to our mothers. I was once given the practice instruction to regard each thing that I met as my mother. And it worked pretty well for me because I was on good terms with my mother. It doesn't necessarily work for everyone to regard each thing that you meet as your mother. But there may be someone who you have a loving bond with that you can bring to mind with each thing that you meet. During this practice period, we're thinking and considering dharma companionship. How we support each other and how we depend on dharma companions and how we can cultivate our own capacity to be more skillful.

[04:29]

as dharma companions. Maybe we can become really good, really great, virtuoso dharma companions. But we can't do it by thinking that we are that. I think last week, Rosalie, the Tanto, head of practice here, talked about Dogen Zenji, Dogen's Zen master. Some of you may not have heard of Dogen. Is there anyone here who has not heard of Dogen Zen master? Really? Is there anyone here who's here for the first time? Yeah, there's a few people here for the first time. All right. Maybe Dogen sent you.

[05:31]

Thank you for listening. So there's one of the writings of Dogen is entitled Yuebutsu Yobutsu, which means only Buddha together with Buddha. And he's He begins with a quote. Well, he actually begins by saying that no person can understand Buddha Dharma. No person can understand. He says no ordinary person and no follower of the lesser vehicles can understand Buddha Dharma, can understand awakening, and say, awakening reality, Buddha Dharma, we could say, awakening reality. And then he quotes the Lotus Sutra saying, only a Buddha and a Buddha, or only a Buddha together with a Buddha, can fathom the true reality of all existence.

[06:45]

So this is a challenge that to us to see what is our life? Whose life is it? If you think it's your life, who are you excluding? Later in this teaching, Dogen says, in this case he says, an ancient Buddha said, that mountains, rivers, and the earth are born each moment a separate person is born. Mountains, rivers, and earth are born each moment a person is born. And then Dogen very sweetly says, so do you think, you may, you may,

[07:54]

be looking around and noticing it doesn't seem that there are additional mountains and rivers and earths on top of the ones that already exist when someone is born. It doesn't seem like that, but we should still take this statement seriously. Your mother might have felt that. My mother might have felt there's a new mountain. In fact, I know someone who named their child Avalanche. And I asked her about it and she said, it felt like that, right? It felt like that when I was being born. So it's like a new mountain. A reshaping of the topography of the whole area, right? So when you're born, maybe somebody felt that.

[08:56]

But what does it mean to say that they're mountains, rivers, earth. All the mountains, rivers, and earth of the past, present, and future are born with each life, with each birth. Pointing to, Dogen says this points to the non-separateness. This points to the non-separateness of each existence. How to find one's way. How to find one's way from the place where we are usually involved with ourselves. that separate is, say, difficult, maybe difficult, and sometimes bewildering challenge.

[10:10]

So I'll see if I can remember. There's a fellow Kansan, a Bill Stafford poet, who I'm much admired by his very, say, profound, intuitive thoughtfulness. He was my parents' generation, so I never met him. But later in his life, he wrote a poem called The Way It Is. And many of you maybe know it now. Sometimes I think you could turn it around and say, it is the way, the way it is. And in this poem, he says, there's a thread you follow. It goes among things that change, but it does not change.

[11:19]

People wonder about what you are pursuing. You have to explain about the threat. But it is hard for others to see. While you are holding it, you can't get lost. Tragedies happen. People get hurt. or die, and you suffer and get old. Nothing you do can stop times unfolding. You don't ever let go of the thread. So what is this thread he's talking about?

[12:27]

If it's an ordinary thread, then of course sometimes you would drop it or let go of it. Or it would be changing, right? He says this thread goes among things that change, but it does not change. So what is your life that you say are held by? As long as this thread holds you, you can't get lost. So when Dogen's talking about Buddha nature, he's talking about something that can't get lost.

[13:36]

Even though it may be misunderstood or your thoughts don't touch it or reach it or can't grasp it, your thoughts cannot begin to reach the extension of Buddha Dharma. We have this practice of non-thinking. And the practice of non-thinking reminds us that we are not our thoughts, actually. Reminds us that we are supported by some something that is not something. Something that is They somewhat misunderstood any time we say something about it. We limit it somewhat.

[14:37]

And we limit our own lives and our own sense of who we are when we think we know who we are. So it's very important to find Dharma companions, at least a Dharma companion or two, who can see who you are beyond your own sense of your identity, beyond your own thoughts. See who you are even before your mother was born. We need companions like that in order to have some confidence in this life. This life in the biggest, deepest, widest sense. So there was a person in Japan, a little bit later than Dogen, and she, I think, had some sense of this threat.

[15:52]

And so she looked around and she found there was a small temple where a group of women were practicing Buddha's way, small temple, and she went, and asked if she could be helpful. And they said, yes, you can chop wood and bring it in, and you can carry water from the well. And so she did that for a while, and then she noticed that there were times when the women... we could say they were Buddhist nuns, or we could say they were sisters or mothers. We could say, so these women would sometimes sit quietly and not be talking with each other.

[16:58]

So this person began to feel of something, some power in their sitting. So at one point she went to one of them and she said, can you tell me what is the essential principle of what you're doing when you're sitting? And the response she got was something like, just continue your work and don't complain. Just stay with what you're doing when you're cutting wood and carrying water. And that's your zazen. So she was determined to follow those instructions and at the same time she felt left out and she felt grievously unrecognized.

[18:04]

But she went along continuing her work at the temple. And then, after a time, some visitors, like a visiting group of women came, and they had an all-day sitting. Or maybe they had a two- or three-day sitting. Maybe a weekend sitting. And so she noticed that these newcomers were also sitting in this way, and that they were sitting... late into the night, and she felt moved by their presence and the power of their practice of sitting. So she went, she found an opportunity again, and this time she approached an older person, I don't know if it was the leader of the group or one of the more senior people, and she said, first she apologized for her impertinence.

[19:21]

She said, I'm sorry, excuse me. And I know that I'm uneducated, and I know that I'm not skillful. But I have this question about the practice of zazen. can you tell me what is this practice? And the older woman said, oh, what a wonderful question. You don't need to be skillful. You don't need to be educated. You only need to know your own mind. There's no distinction in this practice between someone who's a beginner and someone who's experienced. And there's no distinction between male or female.

[20:23]

And there's no distinction between a common person and a noble person. And there's no distinction between an old person and a young person. You just have to practice. Do two things. Practice with your body. and devote your intention, your heart, to the well-being of others. So those two things. You practice with your body and cultivate the intention or the compassion to include all others. And then she gave her... what we would call Zazen instruction, in great detail, going through exactly how you sit. So we have Zazen instruction here, usually on a set. Did we have it this morning?

[21:24]

Yes, we did. Was anyone here for Zazen instruction this morning? A few people. Okay. Yeah, thank you. So, this person, this young woman, who is... who we usually know as Chiyono, took up this practice of Zazen. And she was still carrying water and cutting wood. So she was continuing her practice of working and taking care of the temple and the needs of others. And then when she had a chance and she had time and she could join others in sitting, she went back to the old woman and she said, now, I want to clarify what to do about thoughts. From what you've told me, it seems that I should not try to stop thoughts.

[22:31]

Is that right? I should just let them exhaust themselves. And her elder Dharma sister mother said, said, that's right. Trying to stop thoughts is like trying to wash out a blood stain with blood. When I read that, I thought, wow. That's great. And my wife would say, that's woman's teaching. Trying to stop your thinking is like using blood to wash out a blood stain. That's so true.

[23:36]

That's where we are involved so much of the time. Using our thinking mind... to try to stop the thinking mind. Using our desire for something different to try to stop desire. It's pretty clear that this does not work. but it's almost irresistible. Almost irresistible. In fact, the more you sit, the more you may notice that your thoughts are even better. Your thoughts are even better and they're clearer even, and so naturally you want to, you don't want to lose them.

[24:42]

You might even have brilliant thoughts. You say, that's a brilliant thought. I don't want to forget that. And then you think more and more about it and you're gone. All involved. All involved in thinking. So the teaching here is very subtle. How to be a dharma companion, how to meet a dharma companion, how to receive a dharma companion. This sitting practice itself is dharma companion. This tatami mat people are sitting on, dharma companion. So when Dogen's talking about mountains, rivers, the whole earth being born with the moment of your birth, is he not talking about this moment?

[26:01]

What other moment is there? Every other moment is a moment of our thinking, of our conceiving. Every other moment that we think of as an other moment is our delusion. It's so hard to bring full awareness to this present moment. If you notice, someone was, oh, I was reading a book by David Abrams. I'm not sure which one it was. But he has one book called Becoming Animal. And there's another one before it that I, but he talks about being in nature and doing a meditation in nature in which he realizes that he's like in the narrow part of an hourglass.

[27:15]

And in his mind, the future is one big bulb of the hourglass and the past is one big, other big bulb of the hourglass. And he's usually involved so much in the future and so much in the past. But for him then to visualize being at the narrow part of the hourglass and beginning to appreciate what's happening right now in this of this animal body. This body of all the senses being awake to what's happening right here, right now. And the center begins to expand and the future begins to dissolve and the past all become actually part of this present moment. Which They already are.

[28:18]

But in the present moment, then, there's no fear. If you study carefully what's happening in your own mind, you may notice that fear always has to do with anticipation. something about the future based upon the past. So as Bill Stafford is saying, as long as you are holding the thread, you can't get lost. As long as you are here, Now, in this wonderful present moment, you're not lost.

[29:29]

It doesn't mean that things stop happening. He says tragedies happen. People get hurt or die. So this then is the present moment of loss. And loss tells us, loss tells us how we are holding the past. How we're holding the past in our own body. How I feel confused and bewildered by the loss of my friend. or my mother. And my own confusion and my bewilderment tells me that that's loss, right?

[30:29]

And it tells me that maybe I put too much of a kind of a dependency on something that is transient. Well, it's one of the most basic teachings of Buddhism, is that all the things that we can conceive of, that we actually see as things, they're not actually things. In other words, they don't have some enduring essence. But they look to us like things. And we hold them in our thoughts, and in our, actually how we... carry them in the way we respond in our bodies, as if they're substantial. And when they're not there, then we realize, oh, there's some confusion and maybe some pain and more fear.

[31:39]

Oh, now I don't know. Does this keep cutting in and out or is it me? Anyway, it just seems like sometimes I can hear myself there through the speaker, and sometimes I'm missing it. So, the practice of being a Dharma companion may even be more difficult than finding a Dharma companion. Because being a Dharma companion means that you're willing to be just as uncomfortable as someone else who's grieving. Just as uncomfortable as someone who's in a panic. To actually be willing to join that person in a panic without...

[32:43]

without, say, getting caught up in your own panic, caught up in your own fear. Can you see that the person who's in a state of panic is also not in a state of panic? That their panic is also the same as mountains and rivers being born. And that whatever it is, is the way it is. So, to move in the direction of being a Dharma companion for others is, I think, like this. To see, oh, can I be with this person in whatever state they're in?

[33:47]

Noticing what happens to me and accepting what happens to me as something that tells me about the state this other person is in. And I don't have to do anything to try to change this experience. I might. I might do something. But there is, as Bill Stafford is saying, nothing you can do can stop time's unfolding. He says time, but what he's talking about is the way it is. Nothing you can do can stop the way it is. Nothing you can do can stop everything that is now. Not easy to sit still with that.

[34:56]

Not easy to be still and not squirm a little bit or a lot with what's happening now. Sitting quietly on a cushion in the meditation hall, in the zendo, we say, is kind of a laboratory. You begin to know more and more what your own tendencies are. You begin to become... Well, actually, we don't know what may happen. But there is an invitation to be completely at home and completely friendly with all of your own stuff, all of your own tendencies.

[35:59]

And then when you meet someone, you actually know them through your own stuff. It's like we are mirrors for each other. And someone then is appearing in this mirror Can I let them just appear just the way they are? Or do I want to try to Photoshop it a little bit? Or a lot? Maybe I don't want them there at all. Please get out of my mirror. And then we know. That's telling us, you know, that's telling me what is my own, say, preferred view I may not know what is my own preferred view until you mess with it until you show up and you mess with it a little bit or a lot then by my own say tension in my own body or the thoughts or the stories that I begin to create tell me about my own preferred view

[37:23]

So we idealize maybe an ideal Buddha. Ideal Buddha has no preferred view. An ideal Buddha can just see what is exactly as it is. And then do something that's helpful. Maybe say something. Maybe be silent. So in the story of Chiyono, Chiyono is in the list of our, when we chant the women ancestors, it's the end of the list, the last person that we chant. But she actually established a, I think the first official women's training monastery in Japan.

[38:30]

So although she's the end of our list, she's the beginning of a whole development. So it was in her path, she met with one person who said, just do your work and don't complain. And we may think, well, that was kind of an uptight response, maybe. We might think, that was good. But actually, that may have been just the perfect response. So sometimes that's the right thing to say. Just do your work and don't complain. Or sometimes we say, sit down and shut up. And sometimes it's time to give some explanation.

[39:33]

And we give a lot more explanation now than we used to. And here at Zen Center. And different teachers have different styles. And it's important that the explainer doesn't explain just for the sake of their enjoyment of explaining. It's important that the explainer is actually meeting the question. So it's good to wait sometimes for a question. There's the bell. Time for me to wrap it up. And today we don't have a question and answer. I'm sorry.

[40:39]

I have to come back another time. But it's good to have some time to cultivate your question. It's good to... carefully look at what's your own heart's true thread. Your own heart's true inquiry. Your own heart's true request. So it's a sometimes necessary to try on various questions, various thoughts, and then investigate. Is that really it? And I said, is there something underneath that?

[41:40]

Is there something before that? So that you know where you're coming from, from your head, your heart, your gut. So this is ongoing realization. Ongoing realization of the way it is. So I think this has a pretty good, our sitting together today has a pretty good feeling. And because some people here are being silent today, I just, I want to ask that people maybe, instead of the usual socializing that happens right out here, to hold what you're feeling, attend to what you're feeling, and leave quietly today or go to the next thing if you're doing the one-day setting with some sense of just being grounded and quiet.

[42:58]

Thank you for listening.

[43:28]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_96.67