This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. I want to thank the Tonto Mary Stairs for the invitation to speak today and to Abiding Abbot David Zimmerman. Sinyadharma teacher, Paul Haller. Gosh, it's been like a year since I've been here. Since you're going into Sishin for spring practice period, and we were here together last year for that. And who's here for the first time? All right, welcome. And my name is, for those who don't know, Reverend Kidu Lian Shutt.

[01:00]

I am ordained in this tradition, and my root teacher is Blanche Hartman, Zenke Blanche Hartman, the first abbess of Zen Center. And my teacher now is Vicki Austin, who I know is teaching and listening in. And I also want to really say hi to the people online and maybe in the dining room, because I know that not all of us can make it into this room for various reasons. And, in fact, my group is called Access to Zen. We meet in downtown Oakland, and the whole intention of the group is how to make Zen accessible, especially to those who have a hard time coming into here. And, you know, I will say that the group started when I was teaching here, and some people, it was in 2014, wanted to start the group. sitting group afterwards, and that's how I've always started my sitting groups, when people ask.

[02:02]

And they've said, oh, you need to have a website. And I'm not a tech person. I still have an iPhone 5, which was a big upgrade for me at the time. Not when it was new. And I was kind of reluctant until I got this email from someone who said, oh, I listened to One of your talks and you said you had lived in Egypt. So I live in Egypt. Do you know of a sitting group in Egypt? And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. That was a long time ago when I was a teenager. And I'm sorry, I don't know of a sitting group. And actually on that website, it tracks every year. It tells you how many people go to your site and from where they are. And there are a lot of people from other parts of the world. China was big on there, and I'm sure it has a lot to do with my name, since that's a Chinese root. Lian means lotus.

[03:04]

So, and I don't know if we'd do this anymore, but if you could, we used to do this, if you could just turn to each other and greet each other. And I would like you to do it in a very specific way. Because I think often when we do, like in the United States, we mostly say, how are you? Wouldn't you say? And when we do that, it's just rote. At least I know it is for me a lot of time. So try this on. Maybe say, like, hi, my name is. And then something like, please share with me how you feel well today. Because that's really what we're asking when we say, how are you? So you want to try it? Just try it. Please do. Gosh.

[05:24]

I noticed already that it went on a lot longer than usual. Because we have done this in the past where you say, oh, say hi to people around you, and it's gone in like a minute, maybe. Because I know some of you, including myself, who have been here many times, started looking around and going. And I even had to signal the dough on there. So... I know that this practice period is on the four Brahma Vaharas. Another translation I like is the four divine states. And I'll talk a little bit about them. And I know when David and I were talking about this last fall when he said this was going to be the topic of his spring practice period here. And, you know, did I want to teach something? And I was like, oh, I have been wanting to do this as a class here for a while, and I will say that after the elections in 2016, I was flabbergasted, as maybe some people are, and part of being flabbergasted was I was like, how did this happen?

[06:33]

How did this happen? And then when I started to listen more, I thought, oh, there's a whole group of people who haven't felt heard, right? And I always thought they were the ones in power. And so if I was brave enough, I would just go out and do deep listening, set up, you know, just a sign and say, come talk to me, explain, you know, explain to me what's going on. I was not brave enough. And mostly I wasn't brave enough because I wasn't sure I would have the equanimity to, you know, just receive, which is part of deep listening. It's a practice, which I understand started with Thich Nhat Hanh, where he talks about, more specifically in a Dharma talk, when you go to a Dharma talk, the person is teaching and you're listening. And in the listening, you're usually going, oh, I guess that's true. No, I don't like that.

[07:34]

I don't know. Or, oh, I wonder what's going to be for lunch. Maybe I should have had my breakfast. Or, oh, I know it. perfect story, and later I'm going to tell them about it. Or they need some advice. I know how I can help them. Is that true or is that just me? And so he said, we should listen to Dharma talk like you're a flower. And you just receive the rain, you receive the sun, you receive the conditions, and you just absorb it all. So this I've been teaching these three weeks on Friday nights called Connecting Communications. And the whole intention is we start out with one of the metta, excuse me, one of the four Brahma Vahara meditations. For instance, the four Brahma Vaharas are metta, which many of you have heard. That's a Pali word. Maitri is the Sanskrit word.

[08:35]

And that's the most popular one. Who here has heard of that? If you've read Paramah Chodron, Karen Salzberg. So it usually is translated as loving kindness. I myself like to say kindness more than loving kindness because love is a little sticky in the West, I think. So anyway, kindness. Unconditional friendliness is another translation. And the one that I thought a while back is goodwill, which I also appreciate. So that's one. And then the next one is usually karuna, which is compassion. Very specific in Buddhism, compassion is the wish to alleviate suffering in self and in others, with others. So the wish to alleviate suffering. And the third is mudita, which is usually often translated as empathetic. Sympathetic or empathetic joy, I myself like to say inclusive joy, happiness for others.

[09:36]

Now, I like to say inclusive because it brings you in too. And then the last one is upekka, or peka, and that is usually translated as equanimity. And remember the Buddha has lists in many, many lists, and so sometimes equality is in different lists, and so upekka is in other lists, and in general it does mean balance of mind, the Western sense of equanimity, I think, and very specifically in Buddhism, in Buddhism and in the four Brahma Vahara, it means to understand the equanimity, the balance of mind that comes from understanding karma, which is simplistically put, just to give us a sense of it, is that because of this, that will happen. So when we have the bigger picture of the causes and conditions for how things come about,

[10:38]

then we can find more equanimity. So I'm going to talk a bit about these. They are qualities that are often talked about as qualities that are easeful, actually, and they're quality of emotional and mental states. In the more traditional teaching, they were first talked about as qualities that one cultivates. And I think it's a good way to put it. And to me, that sounds a bit like, you know, I've got to work on it, I've got to make it happen. And so I'd like to think of it more as qualities we already have and at times are really hard to access. So, for instance, kindness. We all have a sense of kindness, wouldn't you say? And yet it's hard to sometimes access it. like if your neighbor's dog is barking when you're trying so hard to meditate in the morning.

[11:43]

So maybe that sense of kindness to the dog. Probably your first thought about the dog isn't, oh, what a lovely voice he has at five in the morning, or she or they, right? So I've often talked about it as these are like muscles we already have, but we need to pump them. so that we build the strength. So when we need them, we know that we have the strength for them. And as I was talking about these in the class, I actually thought, in terms of the course, right, we did, because there was only three weeks, upekka we took as the grounding part of the meditation. And then when we talked about metta, in the three weeks we were visiting the three stations. Like if it was weightlifting, this is your gym. The four Brahma-Vihara practices is like going to the Brahma-Vihara gym and each are your stations that you want to pump the correct muscle so that it has some strength.

[12:48]

And you know that you can rely on it when it's difficult. And because they are ones that we know and yet it's hard to access, they are actually... also consider purifying practices. And that means that when you practice them, often the qualities isn't so easy to access, and maybe the ones that aren't really them come up. So in the teaching of them, there are what's called the near enemies and the far enemies. Now the far enemies are what we could say is the opposites. The one that's pretty obvious. For instance, if metta is kindness, what do you think the far enemy is? Say it out. Meanness. Okay.

[13:49]

Hatred. Hatred and ill will. Yes, that's the far enemy. That's pretty obvious. You think, oh, that's pretty far from kindness or goodwill. The near enemy are the ones that might masquerade as kindness or loving kindness or goodwill. What do you think that might be in metta? Pity, no, that's the next one. Close. We'll get to pity. Ego, ego-driven. Actually, I would say the near enemies are almost always ego-driven, which means in Buddhism broadly as a sense of self, right? So it's self-attachment. Like I will be kind to you when you're kind to me. We actually have an expression, right? You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. That's the near enemy of kindness. Now, so then Karuna, the far enemy is what? If it's compassion, the far enemy is cruelty.

[14:52]

I'm just going to say them now just to move this along because I have a lot to say on this. And so the near enemy is pity. And the reason for that is that there's this sense of separation. I pity you. So it's not with you, you aren't with them in their suffering. Another way that sometimes that's put is worldly grief, when it seems so overwhelming. And compassion, sometimes it feels really overwhelming. And I myself, having been a social worker that worked with homeless people and then homeless seniors chronically, I think compassion fatigue is that when I can't have a hard time handling it. It's not like the suffering has changed. It's just I have a hard time with it. So by that, it doesn't make it a bad thing, mind you. So this is why these are qualities we have, but sometimes they're hard to connect with purely. So this is the purifying aspect.

[15:53]

So remember, these are aspirations. Yes, these are things we want to have a sense of, and because we're humans staying in that pure state. Are you in a pure state in anything for a very long time? I'm not. So these are aspirations, the more broadness of them. And in the meditation, we also get more broad. We often start with ourselves, then a good friend, then a neutral person. and classically called the enemy, but now we just say a difficult or challenging person, and then all being. So you can even see that as broadening out. So mudita, inclusive joy. What's the far enemy? If somebody's happy. Happiness for other people have envy, did I hear? Yes, that's correct, envy, jealousy. So what would be the... Discontentment. The far, oh, contempt. I think contempt would go more with ill will. But maybe that works for you.

[16:54]

What's the near enemy then? Insincere or self-referencing joy. And then, opeka, the far enemy is craving or grasping. There isn't a sense of subtleness. When it's settled, there's no grasping at or rejecting. And then the near enemy is apathy or indifference. Now, it is great to talk about these as qualities that I have and that I need to work on. And the other way, though, is to think of them in a systemic way. And the reason I think that's really important is because... Often, so here's another aspect. When we practice, in practice there are really two ways, two aspects of Buddhism that's about how, the reason, you could say, for our practice.

[18:06]

And they're called the two wings of Buddhism. And one is compassion, and the other is wisdom. And Gil, Gil von Stahl, tells this great analogy of how this works. So for instance, if compassion is a wing of a bird, and wisdom is the other wing of the bird of Buddhism, it's really important that they're both equally strong. Because, this part I made up, if one is stronger, then what happens? You just go in circle. If the other one is stronger, then what happens? You just go in the circle the other way. So they need to be developed equally. Of course, sometimes if you want to go right, you want the left one to be a little stronger. So you need some capacity to control them as the other thing. So that you can go where you want to go.

[19:07]

So it is good to bring in some wisdom to this practice. For the most part, the... Four brahmavaharas are compassion, because they're heart-opening, mind-opening practices. Upekka has more the quality of wisdom, and I'll get to that also. So it's useful when we're practicing to have these, because to me they're the negotiation between the heart and the mind. A lot of our practice is when do we follow what our heart is? sings and then don't listen to what the mind says so much. Or sometimes when is it useful to hear the mind more when the heart is just overflowing? So this is why I think that it's useful to see things in a broader perspective because it gives you a sense that you're not alone, that it's not just your experience. For instance, there's a very famous story about Kisa Gotami.

[20:09]

People know that one? So Kisa Gotami, her son had died. And so of course she was just devastated and in deep grief. And so she heard the Buddha was coming and that he was a wise person. So she goes to him and she says, please, please, please help me. I'm suffering so much. And can you offer me some words of wisdom so that I know how to hold this better? So he says, well, go to each house in the village and collect a mustard seed from a house that has not seen death. And so she goes and knocks on every door. And of course, of course, in the end, she learns that she had no mustard seeds because all of us in our house, lineage household, have experienced some version of death. And so, of course, it's not always easy to go knock on every door and say, hey, are you feeling depressed like me?

[21:14]

Or, you know, I just lost my job, did you? So there are other ways to think of it. So today I'd like to actually talk with you about how I think the four Brahma-viharas can be seen in a systemic way. And, as this is my deep study for many years. I'm going to talk it through in terms of racism. I was recently at East Bay Meditation Center teaching at the POC group, the People of Color group, for those who don't understand that acronym. And so I was talking about equanimity. And so when I was talking about, oh, what is the, you know, just like I have been trying to do with you, say, oh, what do you think the far enemy of upekka is, and someone said oppression. And I said, oh gosh, I don't know if the Buddha had a word, the word oppression, and I don't know what the Pali word for oppression is, but perhaps, perhaps that could be it, right?

[22:24]

And so it did get me thinking though, well what is the, where would it go if it was in the four Brahma Baharas? And then the other thing we talked about there in terms of equanimity is that It's one thing to experience racism. Remember, I'm in the people of color group. So if I'm experiencing racism or discrimination or sexism and any of the other isms, I can feel it and it's really painful. And one way that it helps, it's different on a certain level than understanding the oppression of race, understanding racism, how there's whole power differential and how there's a whole systemic sense of it. And when you see that, then you realize that, oh, this is not just happening to me. This is the experience of many people like me. Just as Kisa Gotami understood that others have had death.

[23:28]

Perhaps lost sons in that way. So, this is a work in development and I, myself, I find it exciting, so let's see how it lands for you. And again, I want to say that I'm talking to many people here, not just the people in the room, because this position makes a big difference, these eight inches, I like to say, on this platform. To me, it comes with responsibility, right, and accountability. So, now if Metta, so remember that the near enemy is the one that masquerades And I'd say the far enemy first. So if metta is this broad sense for the wellness of all beings, I'm suggesting to you that the far enemy is injustice. The far enemy is injustice. And then the near enemy, the near enemy,

[24:34]

And remember these are broad descriptive strokes. So remember, all the near enemy, as I was talking about, involves self-referencing, attachment to what it means for me or my group of people. So the near enemy is, I would say, as liberals. Where it's kindness is how I defined it. And also that's very comfortable for me. And it tends to be very intellectual. And the drive for that is a need for me to understand. Let me understand you. Let me understand how you are. And how can I speak in a way that helps me to sound like I'm not a racist. Or I'm not having this kind of hatred. Because we don't want that. Mind you, this is not saying that you're bad if you had this, because remember, this is all about a sense of what is the motivation for how you are in the world.

[25:44]

I know Pekka will answer a lot of these. Now, and by the way, the phrases of metta are some Remember the progression, but I'll just say one or the other at this point. So may I be filled with loving kindness. May I know well-being. That's what you did this morning. That's a meta phrase. And may I be peaceful and at ease, and may I be happy. So the sense of how is it that I'm comfortable here. Now next is karuna, or compassion. Again, defined as the wish to alleviate suffering. We're the wanting to alleviate suffering. So the far enemy would be, oh, maybe I should say the phrases and that might help you. May I, or all beings, be free of pain and sorrow. May I hold my pain with care and mercy. These are some of the words I've tweaked.

[26:47]

Let us forgive ourselves for our past mistakes. May I love myself just as I am. Let me be kind and patient with myself and with others. May I know inner and outer safety as my birthright. This one's really important in the world today, I think. And then very classic and I think super important in terms of Buddhism is may all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. So the far enemy is oppression. And then the near enemy is jaded activism. The war of grief is hard and you burn out. I understand that one really well. You were an activist, but now you're just kind of like, does it matter? Now I want to talk about the far enemy a bit.

[27:51]

Oppression. A while back, I was asked to help out with a race issue here at Zen Center, and it was not my first time. And it was a new abbot at the time, and so he and I were having conversation, and I said something about oppression. And he said to me, you offend me when you say that word. I pause. he said in my memory, I'm offended when you say that word. And I said, oh, I'm really sorry that you're offended, but it's my experience. And it's many people of color experience in the world. And so he blinked his eyes a lot. And then I really, we were having the discussion, how, you know, and I will say that I had gotten a whole list

[28:53]

of all the 20-some years of, I think it used to be called multiculturalism or inclusivity trainings here, lists of it. And I said, oh, I will only help if you guys want to work on white privilege and entitlement, because there's so many about other people of color. and about how to say things right, how to understand the history. By the way, all that's super important. But if you want to work on that, that's what I'm willing to help with. And he did. He put some money behind it, and then he died, and that went away. All right? So that's one version of that. So the next one is mudita, or inclusive joy. The phrases are... May you, and by the way, in Mudita it switches to you first, because it's about other people's joy first, in terms of the progression.

[29:58]

May you know joy and contentment. May you know that your happiness never cease. May all beings enjoy good fortune and prosperity. And may you know success, however you define it. This is my version of them. There's a little tweaking. I will say that many years ago, I've been doing these for a long time, I put in let. Let me know. Because I felt a little more like, oh, it's possible. So, the near enemy of inclusive joy is tokenism. It's really about, well, how is it that my, remember we're talking about systemic here, so how is it that my institution can look more like the image we want it to. How is it that makes me and my institution look good? I'm very clear about what pictures are used of me wherever I'm being promoted.

[31:03]

And I'm not the first. I learned it actually from Ria Mon, Gutierrez Baudouquin, when she had her days here. So the far enemy is appropriation. The far enemy is appropriation. Now, I had a great example of this when I actually first came to Zen Center. This is in 2002. I actually had only come here for the Buddhists of Color group, which was not part of Zen Center, but Zen Center gave the space once a month here in the Buddha Hall for a whole bunch of us, non-equinomical, you know, we didn't have a with just a whole bunch of people color who were like, yeah, usually we're the only one or two of us at a retreat, so how can we all get together and support our practice? This is in 98, so this is a long time ago, right? And so I did that for a while, and I was doing vipassana, or insight in the spirit rock tradition. And so then I decided with RIMO and help that I wanted to go to Tassahara to work the summer so I could earn the credit.

[32:12]

And my intention was just to do one practice period in the fall. Because in those days, you had to work the whole summer, five and a half months, to earn two practice periods of 90 days each. So I was not going to be a Zenner. That was the only way I could think of to pay and not go across the country, because my first sister lived here, to do a three-month practice period. And that was it. And then, obviously, things happened that I didn't plan on. So here I am in this tradition. So any of you have been there early? Right in the winter, we put up a sign in the parking lot area. And it says something, I can't pull it up exactly, but it's something like, monks are in practice. Please be silent. Is that correct? Something like that, would you say? No, Tova, what does it say? It's monks in retreat. Basically, the temple is closed. All right. So my version or Tova's version.

[33:14]

The essence, though, is the key part, is that monks are in practice or monks are in silence. And, by the way, for those who don't know, I'm Vietnamese. I'm born in Vietnam in a Buddhist family. I grew up in Vietnam for the first eight years of my life. So I saw this sign. And I was in a van with a whole bunch of people coming from city center and driven by a senior student. And so I said, oh. I said, oh. are there no nuns here? Are there no nuns here? And the person said, oh, there are no nuns in Zen. And she had an accent that was very authoritative, so I kept quiet because I felt her authority. I accepted her authority, I would take that. And except inside, I was going, oh gosh, gosh, I've seen nuns, you know? with Thich Nhat Hanh when he was at Spirit Rock, like Merit, and his Dharma heirs, Sister Chan Kam, which she's a nun.

[34:22]

So I was very confused. I was very confused, so confused, to be perfectly honest, that when there was a board meeting there, I brought it up, and Blanche, my teacher, was like, it's because we are feminists, and so we just call ourselves priests. And I said, well, it says monk. on the sign, so that's, you know, that's where I'm confused, right? Now, of course, the other place that we can really see appropriation these days is this whole secular mindfulness thing, right? And there's another great story, and with Thich Nhat Hanh. So, a young man, Italian man, who practiced at Tassajara when I did, said, became a nun in the, sorry, a monk. A monk in the Thich Nhat Hanh tradition soon after we left there. And he'd been one for a long time. So when Thich Nhat Hanh was here in 2015, recovering from his stroke, right?

[35:26]

He took his name now in that tradition. He came and he and I connected. And he told me a story about how, so he lived at Plum Village for the most part. And so the year before, at Plum Village, which is in France, by the way, Thich Nhat Hanh's main residence, and they had a meeting of teachers in Europe. And so this teacher, this French teacher, had said to Thich Nhat Hanh, had asked a question in the group, said, Thay, teacher, it means teacher, Thay, what should I do? because the French army has come to me and they want me to teach mindfulness to their soldiers. What should I do? And I said, oh. Thich Nhat Hanh said, oh yeah, do it mindfully. Is that what he said? Because that was my idea of Thich Nhat Hanh. And Hoi Chuk said, no.

[36:28]

No, he didn't say that. He said, you know, we forget. We forget that in front of each of the Eightfold Path is the word sama, which means wise, right? And of course, the Eightfold Path is the fourth of the Four Noble Truths, which are the whole, what is the whole, if you could summarize Buddhism in one phrase, what would you summarize Buddhism? Or I'll just tell you, because of time, because of time again. In general, I would summarize Buddhism as how can we not harm Non-harming, if you had to just pick one word. So if our whole intention of Buddhism is non-harming, then would it be wise to teach people to kill mindfully? No. No. So this is why he said, no. No, don't do it.

[37:29]

That was a big opening for me because obviously I had some sense of what perfect mindfulness practices, Thich Nhat Hanh. Wrong again, as usual. Now we get to equanimity. I will say that equanimity, so why there are four factors in the Brahma Vaharas, equanimity is often talked about as the foundation that supports the other three. Or sometimes it's talked about as the roof that shelters the other three qualities. So it's a very important one, and often it's at the end because it's actually a little bit harder to get to, right? And yet it also supports the other. It does mean, upeka itself means having kind of like discerning rightly or viewing rightly, justly, justly, excuse me. So the phrases are, and let me first tell you that

[38:33]

convert Buddhist, and by the way, I'm a convert Buddhist because I'm born in a Vietnamese tradition, but I practice a Japanese Buddhism. Talk about interesting karmic story, but anyways. So in most convert settings, this is how we would frame it. May we accept things just as they are. Let all of us be undisturbed by the comings and goings of events. Let every one be able to hold our joys and sorrows with evenness. And may everyone without exception see things clearly, just as they are. So, now the near enemy, remember again, is apathy or indifference. And this one, I made up this term, couch activism. where mostly you have a lot of opinions.

[39:36]

And I'm good at this, too, by the way. The non-pure part when I'm practicing this is this. So I will say that often people ask me, what's the difference between detachment and non-attachment? To me, detachment is, and again, because having been a social worker where... and now a teacher, where I feel like I deal with suffering a lot, is that often detachment is when you're like, I can't do it anymore. Or I feel like I have to do it. And so I need to just have some space. And again, it doesn't mean that's not true, or that's not something to be honored, mind you, but it comes from that drive. So there's a duality still, and there's a reactiveness. Whereas non-attachment isn't that you don't see things clearly for what they are. You just have a sense that there's a limit to what you can do.

[40:41]

This is why the classic phrase, which we won't hear in the West so much, are these. All beings are the owners of their karma. Their happiness and unhappiness depends upon their actions, not on my wishes for them. All beings are the owners of their karma. We don't come to our karma on our own, by the way. Generations have created this. Their happiness and unhappiness depends upon their actions, not on my wishes for them. Or another, I care about you and I'm not in control of the unfolding of events. I can't make it better for you. I would say I'm limited in how I can support. And then things are the way they are. So the far enemy is where there's grasping or greed and pushing or anxiety.

[41:54]

That's the classic. So in this framing, I would say the good white savior is the far enemy. One who knows, the system that knows what is needed. Native Americans are in a way, let's put them, they need to be in certain reservations, right? People of Japanese ancestry, you know? Really, just being too put in concentration camps, right? Interestingly, let's take their land. Let's take their land from them, by the way. So much of Chinatowns and international districts were land that was, or actually other people, farms, were from the Japanese-American. Oh, by the way, there's a great movie coming out, or it looks great by the trailer. Have you seen that? It's called Late Night, and it's Emma Thompson with that very European...

[43:00]

authoritative accent, and Wendy Kaling, right? And it's this whole story about how Emma Thompson is a late night show host for many years and her rating has really dropped. And so someone basically said, oh, it's because all your jokes are like your writer group, all white men, right? Highly educated white men. Maybe you need to do something. So then for the diversity, they hired one woman of color, a South Asian woman, Wendy Kaling, right? And so she goes in there. Oh, by the way, in the trailer, she comes into the first writer's meeting. And... Being the woman, this is what I read in the trailer, she has a whole stack of pastry boxes, right? So she brings that in. All the guys and the host are sitting down, and there's some empty chairs.

[44:04]

And so she goes to one, and they say, no, that's blah, blah, blah's chair, some guy's name. So she goes to another chair, and they go, no, no, that's what's-his-name chair. People have been fired, by the way. So then they show her taking a trash can and emptying it just to make her own seat at the table. You can't get any more direct than that, right? So I'm really looking forward to seeing this. And then the one thing that she thought that would help up the rating, because this host was looking very out of the times. So they started, she wrote this whole, you know, of their show where the host would go on the street and help people of color. So they have this one where she's interviewing two black men in the street and they're going, we have a really hard time catching a cab. Very classic.

[45:06]

So then she goes, oh, let me see what I can do. And of course she raises her hand and a cab stops. And so then she opens the door for this black man and he says, I actually don't need to go anywhere. And she said, that doesn't matter. This is how white saviors work. So, just a sense of what that might be. I know it is just after 11, let me end here. Here's from Gil. To me, upekka is really important. This is from Gil Fran's dog, and he says, equanimity, one of the most sublime emotions of Buddhist practice, is the ground for wisdom and freedom and the protector of compassion and love.

[46:08]

While some may think of equanimity as dry neutrality or cool aloofness, Mature equanimity produces a radiance and warmth of being. The Buddha described a mind filled with equanimity as abundant, exalted, immeasurable, without hostility and without ill will. The English word for equanimity translate two separate Pali words used by the Buddha, Gyoza scholar, right? So upekka and tetra... majhatata. Upeka, the more common term, means to look over and refers to the equanimity that arises from the power of observation. The ability to see without being caught by what we see. When well developed, such power gives rise to the great sense of peace. Um...

[47:13]

When I was at Tassajara, it was like 2003, maybe 2004, it was I think my fourth practice period. So I'd been there for two full years, or just about. And all the teachers I had were white. And one time in the middle of a second, I believe it was at least the second or third Sashin, so well into a 90-day practice period, I... It was in a seat, kind of over in the corner, away from the speaker's seat. And the person started out by talking about a koan. It's a very famous koan. It goes like this. Masjama and a monk were walking in the garden. And then there was a rustling in the bushes. two birds fly away, or fly, take flight.

[48:21]

So the master turns to the monk and say, where have they gone? And the monk says, they have gone away. The master turns towards the monk, grabbed his nose, twisted so fast that the monk yelled out in pain. And the master said, when have they ever gone away? And he said that in that moment, the monk was enlightened. So that's the koan. So it was introduced. I have the tape for this, so that's pretty close. So then the teacher says, You guys know, of course, that most koans come from China. So this monk's nose is not like our nose.

[49:21]

And so probably the master needed a handkerchief. So he took out his handkerchief, grabbed the nose, and twisted it. Because their nose are not like ours. The whole assembly laughed. And in that moment, I will tell you, remember, fourth practice period, perhaps third, but pretty much I'm pretty sure fourth. Second or third, we have one every month. In the middle of a second or third. So well in practice, in a subtle, deep practice. And so I'm sitting there, and as the room erupted with laughter, my experience, is that the room receded away from me. I stayed still, and the room became long and elongated, and the laughter went there.

[50:23]

And consciousness said, ah, other. Ah, other. And it was so clear to me, so clear to me, that I felt part of the group and in a moment, I felt other. Be very careful what I'm saying here. The cause is condition, I felt other. And in the moment, even, to be perfectly honest, it was so clear and there was no emotional, right now, even recounting it, I have much more emotions. My heart, my chest is heavy. My eyes are a little sticky, right? The sadness of it I can still remember. Because I felt connected and in a moment I felt disconnected because I'm relating to the monk's nose.

[51:29]

Everyone else who laughed responded to the teacher's experience. So, It was so clear in that moment that this is how othering happens. You know, I go to that person's talk, I've had docus on with them. It's not, you know, we all are a product of our conditioning. It isn't so much, remember, we want to practice forgiveness as part of compassion, and it isn't You know, I'm not telling you this for it to be about that person. I'm telling you this because so much, you know, I think of what keeps oppression going are secrets and lies. And part of that is deciding who gets to talk and who is hurt.

[52:36]

I don't... Recently someone was talking to me about how they were teaching with another white person on yoga and trauma, and how it was a two-day experience, and how the second day, or excuse me, the end of the first day, a person of color came up and said, I can't do this anymore. And then the teacher said to me, oh, you know, a lot of white women were taking up space about their trauma, and that's, of course, that's okay, but this person felt like there wasn't room for theirs. They couldn't relate. And so how is it that I address this? How did I address this? And then they said a few more things, and they said, well, you basically answer yourself. Answer yourself, because you say, the only way to do that, of course we all, we all respond to people who reflect our experience.

[53:47]

Just like that person saying, oh, you lived in Egypt, that reflects my experience. There's some sense that you might understand my experience. And you're gonna use examples that I can relate to. And so, how do we do that? We move out of the way. And we make the opportunity. Usually means moving out of the way. And I actually have a perfect example for this. Because I know better in the power positions I do hold. The other day, a friend and I were walking down to go to the Metreon to see this... Well, another movie that was hilarious, too. And so we were walking through the tenderloin, which I live on the edge of, and I have been through the tenderloin many times. And so as we were waiting to cross in the crosswalk, for the light to change for the crosswalk, this man of color in a power chair comes towards us, and then he diverted really far out.

[55:04]

And I remember thinking, what is he doing? You know? Taking up so much space, didn't he know he was going to get run over? People in the TL are always putting their lives at risk. What is he doing? And then he turns towards us and he says, excuse me. And we were standing in the slope of where it is for wheelchairs to get onto the sidewalk. I'm thinking, you're late to the movie. So none of us escape the position we're in. This is part of equanimity, to understand things as they are and your position there. And then you get a choice, a choice what you want to do about it. And part of that also comes, of course. Now the other thing is, the four brahma-viharas are really heart-opening, for the most part.

[56:13]

Hopefully mind-opening, too, but mostly it's heart. And so, don't forget the other aspect of practice, which is wisdom. You have to be careful where you open your heart, and when and to whom you open your heart. To take the gym analogy a little bit further, for instance, and I'll be quick, is the gym you're practicing in appropriate for how you want to be? Come on, we're in San Francisco, there are so many kinds of gyms, and some gyms are very specific, and you feel really judged when you're there. Lots of beautiful people are I'm told that's why Curves Gym started, so that women can go practice there. Maybe these days we would actually say yoga studios could be the other version. Also, is the gym doing the kind of practices that fits your needs?

[57:18]

Maybe there are more cardio machines, or they're really pumping up a different quality than you're interested in. or would like your life to be. And so pick wisely what gym, or if perhaps they're asking you to lift more weight than is possible for you, and then they themselves don't lift any weights. I have a prison pen pal. And I received this last night when I was doing the last connecting communication. This is from, a person sent it, and it's a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh. Waking up this morning, I smile. 24 brand new hours are before me.

[58:18]

I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes open. of compassion. We do need to open our eyes, or as Dogen speak would be, you know. And Dogen says, your eye of practice, you can only see as far as your eye of practice. And of course, I hear it as, I need to keep opening my eyes. And in fact, I say that our practice is to open up to more and more suffering. To be able to not only identify suffering, especially the ones we don't understand. And perhaps it's not about understanding, it's about just letting beings show their suffering for you and then asking, asking them what is needed. And perhaps getting out of the way and trusting that they have power.

[59:21]

How do you support them to feel their power? And that how do you decide what they need? I'm going to end with a poem. It's called Inner Eden by Rosemary Charmer. If I found in me a spot of land where anything could grow, some miraculous soil, that knows only yes, then what would I dare sow? In such tender territory, even breath might take root. A whisper becomes a seed, becomes an unknowable flowering. A song, of course I plant a love song. But imagine

[60:24]

if as I knelt lips to earth a loneliness spilled from my pockets, stewing its millions of tire spores throughout the plot. And what if an arrow from an old wound chose then to dislodge? Is it in fear or in joy I dance at the edge of inevitable fertility? longing for the impossible. To plant only beauty, its fruits receding all around us, growing only more beauty, more beauty. When I asked to ordain, I said I wanted the Dharma to be the writer of my life. And certainly, I had ideas of what environment would support that.

[61:27]

And you have to be careful when you give your life to the Dharma, because it does take you. And in fact, you know, when you ordain as a priest, the ceremony is called leaving home to follow the way. And another way to understand that is that whatever you think is solid, whatever you think will support you, can only do it to a certain extent. Because the home that you're really developing is the sense of being at peace and at home in all conditions. And all conditions are not outside walls. Their inside walls and outside and everywhere.

[62:31]

So I'm really grateful, actually, for all the lessons I've learned, really. My sense of my own suffering and other people's suffering has expanded much further and in many ways more than I would have wanted. And today, today I'm incredibly grateful for all the lessons I've learned. Thank you for your attention. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[63:20]

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