There we go. Good evening, everyone. And hello to everybody who's on site and everybody who is online. Welcome to this talk at City Center of the San Francisco Zen Center. My name is Sosa Miglioli and my place in the mandala here in the Zen Center is to be the president. And first, I want to thank the Abbot, Tencent David Zimmerman. Thank you, Abbot. And the Tanto for inviting me to give this talk. The Tanto is not here, it's out of the country. And of course, my teacher, Brinzo Ed Satterson. Thank you, Ed, for your teaching sign, your guidance. So first talk of the year. Happy New Year to everyone. And There is an old tradition in Argentina that I think it comes from Spain, from the Spanish immigrants when they arrived.

[26:05]

Maybe you know this, maybe you don't, but most of the immigrants in Argentina are Italian or Spanish or from Spain. And this particular tradition is a tradition of the 12 grapes for New Year. Does anybody know that? You do. So the abbot knows. This tradition of the 12 grapes means that in the new year, with the 12 bells of the new year, you eat a grape for every bell. And you make a wish. And it goes fast. Because it's one second more or less per bell, one second more or less per grape, per wish. So you kind of need to have that prepared. Maybe one of the wishes is not to choke and ruin everybody's New Year's celebration. You take a grape, you make a wish.

[27:09]

And that's very important, very relevant. We make those wishes for the New Year. And I know that I made my wishes. And here at City Center, at the end of the year, also we have... Maybe the first day of the new year, we have this ceremony where we go and bow to every one of the altars in the temple. And we end on the roof. And we cheer for the new year. And then we also made some wishes. Or we thank for things. It's a new year. It's new. New is good. I've worked in advertising for many, many years. Some of you know that. And you just slap new into anything, onto anything, and it sells, right? Actually, some tests that I remember doing, we're using the same thing, the same, let's say, same shampoo.

[28:18]

And we, one set new, and then we talk to people afterwards, and they're saying, oh, yeah, my hair is much nicer. It shines so, it's the same thing. It's new, and new is full of possibilities. So here we are in the new year. And one of the things that we say in the new year regarding wishes is, may all your wishes come true, or something like that. And, of course, you need to pick up what you wish for, but we express that sentiment. May all your wishes come true. I have a number of wishes for this year and hopes and dreams. 2022 has been quite the year, at least for me. And I think for many people, but it's been quite the year. And not only have wishes and dreams, but I have expectations.

[29:22]

I have. Things that I want to happen a certain way. And. This thing about wishing, this thing about preferences, about expectations, I believe it's core to our practice. It's brought up in many, many teachings. And still, we hear in many teachings certain things about how to deal with wanting or with expectations. And an idea of, well, be careful with that. And still we have them. We have many wishes and dreams and expectations. Because I think they're an important part of our lives. These dreams, these wishes, are just inherent to human nature, I believe.

[30:28]

Actually, I googled this to see if only humans had wishes, and it seems... That's true that animals essentially don't plan very much in advance. It's more of a if-then reflex. But it seems like animals don't wish. So it's a human thing. And now, you know, human is... In a moment in time, in a moment in the world, and, you know, probably we're saying this every time, that this is the moment of the world, and probably a hundred years ago people were saying the same thing. But we are in a moment in the world that it's complex, that it has a lot of pain, a lot of suffering, and in a way humanity is fueled, I think, by these wishes. And yet they can become...

[31:32]

the source of difficulty and suffering. And this is what I want to talk to you today. It's about how to relate or how to engage with our wishes, our dreams, our preferences, our expectations, and what do they mean in the context of our practice. In this particular moment in time, which is the beginning of the year, where we're wishing... For a lot and expecting for a lot and expect this year to be a certain way. And we sometimes put this in the same bag. I don't know if that expression is used here, but we treat them all the same. And wishes, expectations, they're not exactly the same. So what do you wish for this year? Just take... One second. Close your eyes if you want or look upright.

[32:38]

What do you wish for this year? I'm sure you have some, or maybe not, but probably you do. You have your hopes, your dreams. And there's also some kind, embedded in that, there's some kind of desire for a specific outcome. When you wish, I wish I get this this year, I wish I end this study successfully this year, you have an expected outcome. In that expected outcome, usually there are some preferences. And that preferences become sometimes expectations.

[33:41]

Really thinking that something should be a certain way. The teaching... about this inner practice, as I said, is very important. And understanding the differences between a wish, a dream, an expectation, or anything on that realm is really important. And it's a really deep subject, I think. So my intention today is just to spark some curiosity on this, and maybe you can keep exploring how you relate to this in your life. So the first point, as I said before, is the ways in which these dreams, these hopes, these expectations are many times brought up as obstacles to our practice.

[34:51]

And yet, we're fueled by those dreams and expectations. So I've been asking myself many times for a For many years. What does this mean? I'm a creative person. I have many ideas about, or ideas pop up in my mind about how things could be. And to say, well, this is an obstacle, it's hard to me. It's a koan. And I'm trying to dig deeper. trying to reflect, really realize what this means. I would say there's nothing inherently bad about wishing. I don't think that in itself, wishing or having a dream or hoping, and as I'll talk about in a minute,

[36:02]

even having certain expectations can be inherently not wrong in itself. And ideas and plans and dreams relate to this idea of no preference, of a teaching of no preference in our practice, of not wanting. And of course, I want things to happen a certain way. But wanting in itself is not the problem. And according to the Tao Te Ching, and the Tao Te Ching is a primary text of Taoist philosophy, And as you might know, this was part of the inspiration for Zen Buddhism.

[37:06]

The sage Lao Tzu in the 6th century before Christ said, Always rid yourself of desire in order to observe the way's secrets. But always allow yourself to have desires in order to observe its manifestations. I'm going to say that again. Always rid yourself of desires in order to observe the way's secrets. But always allow yourself to have desires in order to observe its manifestations. In a way, I think that what Master here also is pointing out is that everything that exists, including us and the stuff we want, is in itself the way. There's no this or that. Master says, rid yourself of desires and have desires.

[38:12]

It's not this or that. Everything in itself is the way. So, Lao Tzu presents us with this new koan. One that says... Don't have desires, but have them. Or in a way, maybe hold your desires and don't let the desires hold you. So, what does that mean? How can we hold desires? How can we hold wishes? But don't let the desires hold us. And when we think about desires, one of the things that we also might bring up from our teachings is the five hindrances. And the first of the five hindrances is, of course, desires.

[39:15]

Desire, says the Buddha, is the source of all suffering. So the plot thickens. If wishes and desires are so important in this relative world we live in, but they are the source of all suffering. And Lao Tzu says, hold them, but don't let them hold you. Get rid of them, but have them in order to observe its manifestations. something to happen in a certain way, I wish COVID would end. That wish many times becomes something I prefer to happen.

[40:23]

It becomes a preference. I'd rather COVID end it. And This preference that comes up goes and encounters another important teaching that we have, which is from the Xing Xing Ming. And many of you know about this teaching from Kanxi Sozan, who was the third ancestor in China. And in this teaching, Sozan talks about not having preferences as a way to the cessation of suffering. The first part of the poem says, the great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent, everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart.

[41:31]

No preferences. And then when I observe my wishes and the way in which those wishes become me wanting something to happen in a certain way, I'm preferring one outcome instead of the other. It's when, at least for me, something starts to clarify. Angie Sosan tells me that I should have no preferences. Most of my New Year's wishes are about me preferring things. Because I do prefer good things to happen. And as I have discovered, it's not so much about having wishes or preferring one thing over the other.

[42:34]

After trying to unpack this, I think it's more about How that wish hooks us into believing that whatever we're wishing or whatever outcome we're expecting is the only way things can or should happen. We, many times, at least I know I do, zone into that place where I wish for this and this should be the way. things actually happen. Shuri Suzuki gave a talk in 1971, and our founder said, actually, if you're a Zen student, then you should always be alert. How to be alert is to be attentive to your surroundings without having personal preferences,

[43:40]

Or without being involved in your own feelings. That is a very important point. No personal preferences. So having no preferences seems to be another important part of our practice. What does that mean? Because yet we do have preferences in our lives. And that is the koan. And that's the koan. That's the place of non-duality. Like Lao Tse brought up. And this interaction between the absolute and the relative. Have no preferences. The way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. Suzuki Roshi. Be attentive to your surroundings without having any personal preferences. And you'll be free from suffering. So is it not having preferences?

[44:44]

Is it not having wishes? Is it about not wishing something so important for humans? Or is it the way we relate to those preferences, to those wishes? And that's a key question, I think. As Lao Tse says, hold to your desires. Don't let your desires hold you. How do we relate? to these preferences, to these wishes. So you might then wish for something to become true this new year, and I hope it does become true. Maybe. And you might also want certain things to happen or to receive, and having a preference for them to happen might be one thing, or having a Preference for this not to happen might be the other. Surely many of these wishes, wants and preferences arise in your life.

[45:53]

But then what can happen is that they solidify into something that should happen. And then the concept of should comes in. It enters the picture. And we start connecting with the fact. that not only that we want, but that we now expect things to be a certain way. And one way of defining the term expectation is an attachment to a specific outcome. When you expect something to happen a certain way, it can become a way of attachment, a way of attachment to a result. And when that happens, when we engage in this space where things should happen a certain way, that's when suffering starts germinating.

[46:58]

And what I think is interesting here, or one of the things that I think is interesting here, is a path from wish to expectation. And how in that path, wishes and dreams become wants. And then those wants are many times desires. Those desires bring preferences. And then those preferences hook us into believing that the result, the outcome, should be a specific way. that expectation is not just something that can happen, you know, in more everyday things. But I think it's also very key in our practice.

[48:03]

And I've been practicing for a number of years, and every year, if I'm not paying attention, this sense of how I want my practice to be this year arises. This expectation about my practice arises. Because maybe I could have sat more Zazen last year, or maybe I could have done this, but this year, this is going to happen. And there is where things get muddled, when things get complex, especially with all these wishes we have and all these wants and expectations and preferences about our practice. We had a practice period last fall that was led by Abbot David and by Abbot Ed.

[49:05]

And in one Dharma talk, Abbot David talked about Case 52 of the Blue Cliff Record. This practice period was about some koans from the Blue Cliff Record and some observations from our teacher, Sunji Suzuki. And in this case, case 52, the Blue Cliff Record, a monk says to Joshu, the stone bridge of Joshu is widely renowned, but coming here, I find only a wooden bridge. So this monk comes... to visit this teacher, and he says, the stone bridge of you, the teacher, is widely renowned, but I come here and the only thing I see is a wooden bridge. And Joshua said, you see the wooden bridge, but you not see the stone bridge. The monk said, what is a stone bridge?

[50:07]

And Joshua said, it lets asses cross over and horses cross over. The monk doesn't see the stone bridge, only sees a wooden bridge. And the master says, it lets everything cross over. And this is a key, I think, example of expectations. The way in which the monk expected to see a stone bridge and only saw a wooden bridge. And this koan, one interpretation has to do with our practice in the way we want our practice to be. That we want our practice to be a certain way.

[51:10]

Like the monk, we have an expectation about our practice. This This year I'm going to be enlightened. This is what's going to happen this year to me. If I sit Sazen and when I sit Sazen. This is what I expect Zen to be. We're looking for a stone bridge. And as long as we're looking for a stone bridge, as long as we have these expectations for our practice, as long as we hook into our own idea of Zen, we're going to miss the real thing. We're going to miss this moment. We're going to miss our life. Because the more we hook into an idea of our practice, into an expectation of what Zen is or should be, the further away it actually gets. And then this happens again and again.

[52:15]

Because For whatever reason, we don't get tired of this. And things don't go the way we want them to go. And we expect more. We want these things to materialize the way we want them. We want Zen to be what our idea of Zen is. We want happiness to be what our idea of happiness is. And we do wish for those things. This brings forth another teaching about this. And as I said, there are many, many teachings about these expectations and preferences. And this other teaching that, in a way, I think combines or connects to this bridge is what we know in our practice as mushotoku spirit. Mushotoku spirit.

[53:16]

Mushotoku means no gain in mind. The absence of the search for personal gain. Material or spiritual. No gain. Mu means empty or no. And sho means place. And toku means gain or profit. Mu means no, Sho means place, and Toku means gain or profit. So Mushotoku means no place of gain. And the Mushotoku spirit is something that's brought forth in many, many teachings of Zen. And kind of the core way to engage practice. And I would say... As far as saying, it can be the core way to engage life.

[54:23]

No gaining mind. And of course, this no gaining mind teaching relates deeply with our wishes and our desires and our preferences. And it's not that I have a solution for you here. It's not like, okay, so do this and we're good. But really to reflect. Why is it that the core way to engage with practice, to engage with life, is a Mushotoku spirit? And then, at the same time, so many things that happen in the world happen because people dreamt about something, because people wished about something, and because people expected certain things to happen. what I can say is that this state of mind of no place of gain, in a way it works towards our perceived inability to attain awakening.

[55:35]

And our way of attaining enlightenment and a way of getting the peace that we want, after trying so hard. So, letting go of this desire, letting go of this gaining mind, is eventually what is needed to realize, the object of the desire. That connects with Lao Tse teaching. We need to let go of Zen to realize Zen. And that's a Mushotoku spirit. And yet, this other teaching says, you need to practice like your head's on fire. So, there we go. So, Lao Tse says, have desires but don't have them.

[56:47]

And... Kanshi Sosen says the way just opens, blooms, if you have no preferences. There is the wooden bridge and stone bridge and their preferences from the Case 52. And then the Mushotoku Spirit, which kind of, I think, ties them all together. And one of the most, I think, interesting things here is that despite all the suffering that comes up from that attachment to specific results, this becomes cyclical. This becomes recurrent. And even if things do happen,

[57:50]

come true, wishes to materialize, or if they don't, we still can connect with suffering. Because what we're seeing here probably is it's about attachment. It's about grasping. So I think it's okay to have wishes. It's okay to have dreams as long as you don't grasp into your wishes. You don't grasp into your dreams. When you do, then this expectation of specific results arises. So you can have wishes. I think we need to have wishes and dreams. And to be functional, we do have preferences. But if you're attached to your wish, you'll probably be attached whatever happens next.

[58:52]

If I wish for a car and I'm attached to my wish, when I get the car, I'll probably be attached to my car. And if I don't get the car, I'll probably be attached to all the hatred that I have because I cannot get my car. So you need to penetrate the nature of these wishes, these expectations, and see And see how they live in your heart. How they manifest in your life. And in doing that, access the space where they become people, they become their real but and You're not hooked. Maybe to understand this better, we could say that it's important to see the difference between expectations and possibilities.

[60:05]

I like that because it clarified a couple of things to me. So in contrast to our expectations, possibilities are based on the present moment. And expectations are mostly... based on the future. So possibilities are based in the present moment to this moment where you are alive to the mystery of life. When you live as fully as you can in the present moment, based on your values, which do reflect your preferences for the future, but you do not assume that the future will become... Something of a certain way. So you don't think that the future. You don't get attached to a result. Because you realize that the future is unknown. And that we only have the present moment. So you don't grasp. But you let go. Still in contact.

[61:12]

Still in connection. But free. To the way. They will be. Whatever result happens. So returning to the graves. This year I made 12 wishes. Of course, some are very magnanimous, like peace on earth and the end of COVID. And others are more personal. And I wish for me. I wish for others. And I wish because I feel that wishing brings hope. And there is a way... that this connects me with joy and not with suffering. As long as I wish, as long as I prefer, and let go of the wish.

[62:18]

Let go of my preference. Just hold both. The wish and letting go. And the way I do this and the way I suggest to do this is, To hold your wishes with your feet in the present moment. Not writing your wish to the future and just staying there. So the invitation is to keep exploring. To keep exploring what wishes and desires and dreams mean to you. And how you relate to them. Especially now, beginning of this year. I'm sure everybody wants for many things to happen better or different. Just hold to whatever you're wishing. Hold it in your hands, in your open palms without grasping.

[63:19]

And see how you relate to that. And let hope enter your heart without being. Helped by those wishes. Without being held by those expectations. Wishing. As many other things in our life. Can be one way or the other. It depends how we embrace them. How we relate with them. And having said that. I do wish you a happy new year. And. May all dreams come true. Thank you very much. May our intention equally extend to every being and place with the true merit of

[64:33]

Buddha's way. Beings are numberless. I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's ways unsurpassable, I vow to become it.

[65:11]

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