Good morning, it's nice to see old friendly faces and some new ones. How many people have not been here yet or maybe are not still here? How many of those are you? How many of you are they? No, really, put your hands up, I want to know, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, that's it, 9, 10. Great, well, you're very welcome here and I'm going to ask you a few questions. By the way, for Susan, my name is Tia, and I was going to say I live here, I don't really

[01:04]

live here, I live next door, but it's close enough, I don't mean close enough in that way, or however you thought I meant it, I meant close enough, you know, so that I can actually be considered living here, be considered as living here, all right, okay, so far so good. All right, so I was going to be asking you questions, no, [...] I was in serious business, serious business, I was going to ask you, I am going to ask you questions, I think, I hope that my little preamble here has made people who haven't come, haven't been here comfortable enough to let me ask you a question and to actually respond, okay? Now, how many people have only been here twice? So only one more person to the next, all right, okay, well, any one of you who wants to respond

[02:08]

to me, you can respond to me, I would like to know why you've come, and then I'm going to ask the people who've been here for a while the same question, so, so does anyone, you want to make a, like, you passed by, you saw the big red building, you've been wondering what's inside for a while, you thought you'd come in, it's cold outside, you thought it'd be warmer in here than out there, there could be a range of reasons, maybe some of you are interested in Buddhism, what's that, you've sat before in some other country or city and you wanted to join us today, or, oh, thank you so much, does anybody want to tell me why? No? Yes? Oh, you do? Great, that's, that's great. Anybody else? Yeah?

[03:08]

Good. Okay, so now the people who've been here now before, I mean, yeah, before, but after those people, or after, do you know what I mean? Maybe I should get serious for some of you. The reason I'm asking is because I actually, you know, we've just, some of us, anyway, I want to talk, I want, I'm going to talk to some of you who live here, who are not signed up for the session, and you did not come and sit in the morning, and I want to know why, I want to have a meeting with you guys, because I don't understand what, I don't understand what, you have to explain to me what your understanding is of why it would be that during

[04:19]

a session you wouldn't come and sit. So that's going to be a question for some people here. Did that sound too, tsk, tsk, tsk, well, that's how I feel about it, what can I tell you? I feel that way, I don't understand it, they'll have to explain it to me because I don't get it, because last week we had a really good session. Session is an extended period of sitting down and looking at yourself. Some people don't want to ever do that, which I respect. Some people want to do it a little bit, I respect that too. Some people are fanatic about it. So those of us... What? You respect that? Yeah, I do. The reason why is because it takes a lot of courage to actually sit down and look at yourself.

[05:23]

So I'm warning the people who just came today, actually, if you're really interested in so-called Buddhism... Oh, see, it's dangerous to give a talk after a session. So-called Buddhism, I was going to say, and I won't edit for you, okay, you'll just take it as it is, and if you don't ever come back, I'm sorry. But anyway, Buddhism, throw Buddhism, you know, Buddhism, shmoodism, okay, and religion, throw that out too. You know, sometimes religion really gets us into trouble. People who are fanatic about religion, you know, it causes real dualistic, and people hang on to their right ideas about things, and we get into trouble that way. So throw out religion, right, throw out Zen, throw out Zen. If you want to... If you're coming here, what we offer is a place, I almost was going to say a safe place,

[06:25]

but sometimes it's not necessarily safe, it should be maybe a little bit safer sometimes than it is, but we're just human beings, so we make mistakes, you know. So we hurt each other a little bit sometimes too, but we try anyway, our effort is to mostly look here, and to take responsibility for who we are and what we do on this side of the relationship. So if you're coming here, you might consider, or you might think about, this is actually what we offer. We offer a place for you to come and to stop your busy, I don't know what kind of life you have actually, but to stop and to sit down for a while and look to see the nature, I was going to say, I will say, the nature of reality, but you're looking at, we look at the nature of reality as ourself, so-called, which is sometimes quite difficult, you have

[07:27]

to make a little bit of a commitment, you have to want to not suffer anymore, you have to want to not cause other people suffering anymore, you have to want to actually stop the round of birth and death that has created the kind of world that we have now, that is a threat to human beings, because, it's hard to talk about, you know, because so fundamentally the earth is so threatened, and I also feel, now that I'm talking about my points of view about things, I feel like Zen Center does not enough hold up our end of the peace, and I would like the residents to have a meeting, you know, a resident meeting, and think about how better we can use the building in a way that's more earth-sustainable.

[08:29]

I don't think we do it well enough, and I don't think that Zen Center has good enough policies addressing things that affect the earth, so. Can the residents be involved in that too? Yes, you can put your suggestions on a piece of paper with your donations and put it in the suggestion box. I can kid with you. We have a group here called the Saturday Sangha and it's a very good group for those of you who have a meditation practice at home and would like to get a little bit more involved

[09:32]

in the Zen Center, feel closer to Zen Center. We get together, they get together actually, from nine, and kind of participate. Do we run the Saturday program yet? Sort of, we do, we kind of do, and then we meet at twelve o'clock and we talk and sometimes we study. We've been studying the Heart Sutra for some time now, but we're almost finished. Okay, I'm almost here. I'm kidding, I guess, but actually, more inside, I'm not kidding. I feel like what we've done this last week is enormously helpful to the world and to

[10:40]

ourselves and it's effective, and this is what I mean by that. So, here we did, we sat seven days, which means sit, walk, sit, walk, sit, service, chanting, soji, breakfast, break, sit, little interval, sit, listen to a talk, sit, interval, sit, service, lunch, break, sit, walk, sit, tea, walk, stretch, work, sit, walk, no, interval,

[11:41]

walk, service, eat formally, break, sit, walk, sit, go to sleep. Seven days. So, what happens in seven days like that? It's very interesting. For some people, it's the first time that they've actually stopped and watched their mind and it's a revelation, because for most people what goes up, what goes on upstairs in the mind is just this basically uncontrolled yammering about themselves, about other people, about what they do, yacka, yacka, yacka, yamma, yamma, yamma, blah, [...] endlessly, on and on, ad nauseum, on and on and on and on.

[12:42]

You think when people sit that everything is, you know, quiet and peaceful? Au contraire. I have often imagined going down into the zendo, which is really quiet, and having screens on top of each person, and have on those screens, you know, the projection of what that, of course, the person themselves would be hidden from view, but the screens would be available, you know, and you'd walk in there and there would be, you know, catastrophes happening, everything from, you know, sexual fantasies to killings of people, to, you know, beating themselves up and bliss states, you know, and so on and so forth, everything is all going on in the zendo. And meanwhile, each person, more and more settling, settling, settling,

[13:48]

understanding that all of that stuff that is going on is not personal. It's not personal. It's just conditioned events arising and passing away. And as we sit more and more and more, slowly, slowly, slowly, we begin removing our identity with all of those emotion thoughts, and settle deeply in the awareness and space, like the sky, around which, or through which, or whatever, all these clouds are passing. Now I'm going to get to the beginning of my talk. I'll make it quick. So the Buddha, when he spoke, the Buddha, I don't like actually calling him the Buddha, I would much rather we say Siddhartha Gautama, because he was a human being.

[14:55]

So when we did the enlightenment ceremony the other day, we did a great celebration of his awakening the other day. It was really such a good ceremony. And at the end, near the end of it, we say homage to Shakyamuni Buddha, homage to Shakyamuni Buddha. I would have much rather said homage to Siddhartha Gautama, you know, because that was the person who did that, just like all of us. Anyway, he taught basically about the nature of suffering and how to be free of it. Basically, that's what he taught. So today, I just wanted to remind you of three points that he made of the nature of our existence. The nature of our existence is characterized by three marks.

[15:57]

The first one is that there is suffering. There is suffering in this life. We can't deny it, and why should we? The second one is, is that everything changes. Now, if you stop and look, you can't deny that one either. And the third one is that there is no separate inherent self. In any of it. Three marks, three characteristics of existence. The first one is suffering. I want to be clear about that one. It's like when you get up in the morning and you think, let's say you have a day off. You do have a day off. Day off sometimes is the most difficult day for people, but it's really an interesting day

[17:03]

because it's on a day off that you can really clearly see the hystericalness by which mostly we live. What am I going to do with this amount of time? I'm going to fill it up. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that, and this, and that, and that, and that's what we call a day off. At the end of the day off, we're exhausted. You get up in the morning and the first thing, okay, just today, I'm just going to lie in bed. Now, I'm not going to do anything. Well, then there's, you have to go to the bathroom. Uncomfortable. So you get up, you go to the bathroom. Okay, it's a little cold when you get up. I'm going to go right back to bed, get warm, fine. Lying there for a while, no problem. All of a sudden, there's like hunger. Uncomfortable again. Problem, get up. You have to eat, you eat, great, that's good. But now there are dishes all over the place, okay. I'll do the dishes, go back to bed. And so on, and so on, and so on. Basically, being driven from one activity to the next activity to the next activity

[18:08]

through trying to be comfortable. Now, I just said that on a gross physical level, but the same thing is true psychologically. Because when we stop and actually look and sink down underneath the physical and emotional restlessness, there is this sense of dis-ease. Some people can call it anxiety or fear. Based on separation, wanting to be reunited. Some people would say reunited with the beloved. Stephen Levine would say that. So underneath it, we have this kind of thirst of dissatisfaction that drives us, drives us, drives us, drives us. This is suffering.

[19:14]

This is what the Buddha calls suffering. Wanting, constant wanting. The next mark is impermanence. Clear, clear as a bell. Everything actually changes all the time. And most of our practice, actually, most of the practice that we do is about letting go. And Suzuki said, Suzuki Roshi said, that real deep understanding of impermanence. No, the other way around. He said, non-attachment is really a deep understanding that you can't hold on to anything anyway. You know, I'm talking about sort of general things, but they're actually specific to our

[20:21]

daily life, specifically to our daily life. Can we really let go of the ideas we think we are? When people sit for seven days in the Zen Do, about the third or fourth day, depending, depending, usually people are just kind of beaten into submission almost. You just get, you just finally begin to see these things over and [...] over again, and the reality of your experience is, the dominant reality is not these things anymore. The dominant reality is simply that you're alive, that you breathe, you have life, you're living, and you finally settle into that truth, that you're alive, that you're breathing, that you're living, and you finally settle into that truth, and begin to allow these emotion states to arise and let go.

[21:22]

And when that happens, when we surrender in that way, and when we meet our suffering and anxiety head on, this kind of spaciousness opens up around it, and for people who are usually holding on to their stuff really tight, this experience of letting go brings up kind of a bubbliness, an energy, that's at the end of sesshin sometimes hysterical, a little bit. But when you sit sesshin after sesshin after sesshin, I'm sorry to say, this kind of joy, it's not really joy, it's kind of like this energetic sort of relief that you're not holding on so much anymore, doesn't really happen, it's a much more even experience, because you're not holding on during your normal life very much. Then the third mark is no-self, and if we really pay close attention

[22:35]

to the second one, that everything changes, it's real clear that there isn't a one single abiding, unconnected, separate self in there. I know this is an odd thing to tell people, because how can that be? I mean, that's so much not our experience, but if you sit and look, if you really sit and look, and keep letting go, and [...] letting go, there is no kernel, it's just an idea of me, it's a thought, and that thought runs the world, and it's because of that mistake, it's because of the holding to that belief

[23:36]

that we're in, the trouble that we're in, for some of us, both personally as well as the world. So in a way, our responsibility, especially the responsibility for those of you, particularly who live here, that's why I think we need to have a talk, but also anyone who comes and kind of sniffs around what Buddhism might be, be careful, because once you begin looking, once you wake up and see what goes on up there, you can't go back to sleep. So if you begin, you might as well go all the way, and that takes a lot of courage and patience, and for those people who have not had like a taste of this little bit of no-self

[24:43]

or whatever, although most of us already have, we just don't note it, we don't have the vocabulary for it, then we just do this on faith for a while until we see that the teachings actually do relate to something. Patience, courage, determination, kindness, a real gentleness to yourself when you're facing things that you don't really want to see or admit. Some people never get past their karma, and this is a tragedy, because it isn't their

[25:52]

fault, it's nobody's fault, however people want to live, it's perfectly acceptable, everybody exactly the way they are, perfectly acceptable. But for those people who have kind of heard a little bit the teaching and it speaks to you, to the amount that you've heard we must practice, it's our responsibility, and it's our responsibility to be free of the karma that has been passed to us, so that the suffering that we have received stops with us. That's our job. And again, really, I'm not kidding, it takes a lot of courage, a lot of courage, a lot

[26:54]

of patience, tremendous amount of kindness, and in facing our own suffering, that is where kindness arises from, because when we know our own pain and when we meet it truly face to face, really meet it, out of that meeting comes tremendous tenderness for ourselves and for other people, because we now know how much it really hurts. That must be eleven, no? But I don't mean to discourage you, I mean to discourage you a little bit, because it does take, you know, a real effort, so people shouldn't start unless they really want to do this, but on the other side of that, on the other side of that, the kind of relief, I mean, it's a relief to put down the burden of self, as much as we do, right?

[28:02]

Every time you do that, it's relief and concentration comes, being present, more present, every time you give up a little bit of the self, more presence and more relief, because the self is a burden. I was going to read you some poems, I don't know why I ended up being so serious, but we've got maybe five more minutes or so, ten really, but I always like to stop early. I wanted to read, is Wendy here? Wendy? Then I won't read this poem. This is a kind of sexy poem and she likes it, so I'm not going to read it.

[29:08]

Let's see, oh, here's one, this is just a kind of a cute one, Meera was a, Meera Bee, Meera Bai, Meera Bai, was a, she was an Indian, she was an Indian woman and it was very difficult for Indian, Indian, not Native American Indians, but, why Meera can't go back to her old house? Anyway, she was a poet and she wrote, actually she was a songstress, she would sing all over India, she just sang and her poems and songs are even to this day sung as folk, lots of her poems are sung. I don't know if this was a poem or not, but anyway, this is one I wanted to read. The colors of the dark one have penetrated Meera's body, all the other colors washed out. Making love with the dark one and eating little, those are my pearls and my carnelians.

[30:14]

Meditation beads and the forehead streak, I guess this, those are my scarves and my rings. That's enough feminine wiles for me. My teacher taught me this, above me, no, approve me or disapprove me. I praise the mountain energy night and day. I take the path that ecstatic human beings have taken for centuries. I don't steal money, I don't hit anyone. What will you charge me with? I have felt the swaying of the elephant's shoulders and now you want me to climb on a jackass? Please try to be serious. She was wild, right? These are poems of people, woken up people. Here's a psalm. Lord, my mind is not noisy with desires and my heart has satisfied its longing.

[31:35]

I'm sorry, I have to read that again. Flashing lights and pointers. Lord, my mind is not noisy with desires and my heart has satisfied its longing. I do not care about religion or anything that is not you. I have soothed and quieted my soul like a child at its mother's breast. My soul is as peaceful as a child sleeping in its mother's arms or father's. Richard's going to be a dad. Be careful. We're going to lose you, Richard. I'm afraid we're going to lose you. It's okay, we'll lose you for a little while, but then you have to come back, okay? All right, let's see. The great way has no gate. There are a thousand paths to it. If you pass through the barrier, you walk the universe alone.

[32:41]

Because everything is you. Don't get scared, okay? Praise to the emptiness that blanks our existence. Existence, this place made from our love for that emptiness. Yet somehow comes emptiness, this existence goes. Praise to that happening over and over. For years I pulled my own existence out of emptiness. Then one swoop, one swing of the arm, that work is over. Free of who I was, free of presence, free of dangerous fear or hope, free of mountainous wanting. The here and now mountain is a tiny piece of a piece of straw blown off into emptiness. These words I'm saying so much begin to lose meaning. These words I'm saying so much begin to lose meaning. Existence, emptiness, mountain, straw,

[33:52]

words, and what they try to say swept out the window, down the slant of the roof. That's cute. That's roomy. Maybe that's enough. You want to hear the sexy one? Okay. Not enough for you, huh? It's great, you know, when we are who we are, because it's so tasty. Everybody is so different. Let's see, I have to, okay, let me look it up. It's by, some of you know this, because Reb used to read it really a lot. It's called Love, and it's by, what's his name again? George, yeah, 84. George Herbert, 84.

[34:56]

I mean, that's the page number. Okay. Love, it's called Love. It's like a metaphor. Okay. Love made me welcome, yet my soul drew back, guilty of dust and sin. But quick-eyed love, observing me grow slack from my first entrance in, drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning if I lacked anything. A guest, I answered, worthy to be here. Love said, you shall be he. I, the unkind, ungrateful? Oh, my dear, I cannot look on thee.

[36:04]

Love took my hand and smiling did reply, who made the eyes but I? Truth, Lord, but I have marred them. Let my shame go where it doth deserve. And know you not, says love, who bore the blame? My dear, then, I will serve. You must sit down, says love, and taste my meat. So I did sit and eat. It's a good poem. Here's another one. Boo, Nan. Die while you're alive and be absolutely dead. And then do whatever you want. See, that's the thing. If it isn't based on self, likely, more likely than not, it's wholesome activity. Based on self, more likely than not, it's a partner in suffering. So that's our job.

[37:17]

You know, we do it better or worse. We make mistakes, but at least we do our best. So I hope I didn't scare you away. And there'll be questions and answers afterwards. So if anybody, if I did make a mistake in my talk today, please come and clarify. Ask me so I can clarify.

[38:05]

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