December 9th, 1999, Serial No. 03949

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SF-03949
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all week long
i've had a pain
between my spinal cord and my right
shoulder blade
two little ball pain
it's
hut
round
it moves sometimes it goes a bit lower than my back

and i noticed that
if gosh show is over here
it hurts from my back and if it's over here
doesn't hurt
and i remember years ago i was told
that the gotcha should be fist
distance

ah
nothing
of what i'm saying is
important
the other thing they came to mind was somebody said that when the buddha
so the suffering in the world is when he decided to teach i don't know if that's true
but emissary
kind of him my thought

trungpa one time was in a room with number of people and he drew on the blackboard
is this kind of figure from your point of view

i'll try it again
can you missed it
i can do it with my other hand

and and he asked the people in the room
what they saw
shall i tell you and you wanna guess

you know i'll get back to it don't let me forget it can
one of the biggest puzzles to me is how to encourage people without telling them something it's very i find it quite difficult
so even now i don't know if i should tell you
you know or let you haven't the fun of
invest any herself
i'm going to pay
in this case
everybody said it was a bird
it's somebody you get that yeah
wrong
not to burn but what trump has said was it was the sky
with a bird in it
that's what i said who
pretty good her

he was trying to point out ten the spaciousness
that is the background
of everything
this spacious still
silent
ground looks nice
that is
somehow
what we all are

it is what we are practicing now
where practicing noticing this
spaciousness
even in the midst
even in the midst of tears
there is this still
spaciousness
and we're remembering that's all just remembering
we're trying to develop a mind
we're trying to cultivate of mine that remembers our true self

we're trying to develop a mind can you hear me

we're no worse

where
where where where where
i know but i don't want to get that side of the room that's what always happens
we're we're

where
who here
we're trying to develop a mind

we're trying to him
let's see did you buy the koroma was the other thing mono okay let's say china one
key
hello hello
how could a ten seven inch be too far away
hello hello
head neck number of my head now
i just met ro eh

we're trying to develop a mind that is stable
an upright in the midst of movement
that is balanced even when we're tilting
okay to be towed

his ground lushness everybody knows about it
musicians know it well
the stillness
in the middle of movement like in music you know they would be no such thing as music without silence
dancers know it
in the middle of their movement choir
athletes
workers of any kind know this we all know there's a while and experience in this
it's like
the store
are you awake and last night by mean
isn't it lovely
it's like a storm
conditions come together
magically
and we have
dark miss and clouds
and rain sound wet
have you say
the storm happening
and then the conditions change
and
what happen to the storm
there was never
ah thing called a storm there
kit
just who word
why can he is
to communicate with someone on har email
yes today it rained
we had a storm

way
get caught by the words and in getting caught
by the words thoughts emotions we re strict constrict waste dump weight constipate
life
we create separation
which is the wound the fundamental wound of us and in the world we live in

you know in the diamond sutra weary the diamond cetera
here and it's actually the diamond cutters sich
because it cuts through
what
ideas
the thing about this is it's making my voice high pitch
so i'm not comfortable
hello

the name of categories latest book is
you have to say something
but
you know
really all the words that we can view and all the names create teachings and the ideas and anything just to keeping interest him
so that is set
really
so that you take the time to stop
and luck
study what's going on up there
so you can forget it

you know it's wonderful setting session
even if it's uncomfortable or
emotionally painful

and the diamond cutter sutra it says
something something something it says the same thing over and over again did you notice
same thing it says
we take naturally raining we teach
i was it thirty
that that the blasted one that the target are taught
particles that say particles of dust as know particles of dust that's why he can teach particles of dust
because everything is empty because everything is changing
we can have music we can have
china
john the john person
we can have
everybody

isn't that strange we think exactly the opposite exactly the opposite
but the truth is because or nothing
santa

can you hear the me

of course this noticing have
spaciousness and this
ground lushness that we are doesn't come overnight
turns out
much to my
this appointment
when i started setting i know i was going to be enlightened week or two cause i was really determined
and the reason is because we're so distracted by our psychology
by or psychological stuff
so

initially that's where we work so for those of you who are doing that now that's just exactly right
you're not missing anything that is in the middle and psychology that is
i was gonna say they awakened mind but i hate using their kind of charging but what else is it you know
was that thunder
oh shucks
i heard thunder
hello
so what are we to
again we have to make friends
with what really is there
kate not an imagined thing but what really is there no more denial no more pretending no more having to fantasize some other kind of life that we want to do
somehow
we have to just give up thinking that
whatever we think and let
our embarrassment and who we are
you know just tucker embarrassment under her arm and and mit
we're frightened were scared to death
we are incredibly selfish
where lowly
we want desperately to being loved and cared for we want
a dog hundred and whatever

let's admit it
and then next their that what we do also have to say is we have to take responsibility
for or a lush and thoughts
k
i'm gonna say no more but of course you know we don't just stop now but least notice no more blaming everybody else no more projecting know lord judge means no war you know that i said projections are any
he said
have no more projections
you have to look at the rain now can his hip
this is our first big storm
for having us to the sky is crying

the reason why we need to do that as baker and also practice the precepts
the reason why we need to do that is because we cannot have a quiet mind until my day their the first thing we need a quiet mind in order to settle to investigate how the mind works
so when we get to the place where we're really bored with all of our stories were in a really that's good i've taken a giant step

because it is with a stable mind but we can actually risk being present
because with a stable lined were strong enough to not get caught by the content but to be able to watch the process and in what that's another huge step
and then we want to not identify with a process at all
nor do we want to identify with observing the process
and then things can't really quiet
it allows us to stay current with the story of our life
we can just stay on the page that's happening said of you know flipping back
we're going ahead and the story we actually can read the story of the life that we're having right now

and when we do that when we understand how these storms arise
by conditions
when we understand how these terms arise and when we don't have to identify with them
we have some confidence
in our life and some trust
here

toe again wrote this teeny weeny poem and i really like
it's like a pointer
he says
no wind
no waves
an empty boat
flooded
moonlight
that's us
m people flooded with moonlight
flooded
flooded fluttered
flooded with
whew
isn't there a song like that rule over there something you i will let you must know it like oh we're letting them on

he also says
something about dropping off body and mind well
what do we think that is

and you're sitting this week
was body and mind ever not dropping away

duh
because it was there okay is it too much
i have to watch myself all the time and i really try to be careful but it does no good
who
bonnie mine seems to me
his dropping away all the time
we just have to realize that may often notice it
we have to let it drop away it is only our own holding on so desperately
two are familiar well i think it's you know i want i mean i must admit i myself so desperately holding until my body i don't want to be sick the my trailer you know i mean said okay
if anybody said hero prominent hurt
boy have to really be careful

or maybe not you know maybe the best thing is to make a mistake if he says it is that you may the best thing is just to be yourself and then everybody least you know that's you know and then everybody could just respond however they respond and then you have this relationship and people and i keep going to and so forth
just that you just don't want to hurt anybody so desperately you know
but if we hold ourselves back too much then we have to walk i like on the middle way this middle way teaching of buddhism is very good and always picks up

when i first came to to have my time is it
when i first came to tassajara i used to laugh all the time
all the time especially
especially i laughed in the zendo
for some reason or another i just had a little tickle on the time about almost anything could make me laugh and i couldn't stop i just couldn't stop everything was just so funny
and we went through a stage one practice period anyway touch a where people would sort of not make another person like i generally make another person do anything but would try to kind of encourage
the person who couldn't control themselves
and finally lovely gave me a really good trick because she was one of the paper had an irritated really a lot
now i don't know if it it
which he is a janitor i just chased her so i'd take that back
hum she told me that when i have energy like to think of my feet to ground the energy down into the earth and it works choices
the only thing as i didn't laugh so much anymore and that was an uncertain but then there if they didn't laugh anyway was because i finally was getting into were suffering which actually was a step in the right direction i think

so
one way when we notice body and mind dropping away always and no longer feel the need to grab on

we can begin practicing
there
why
the work of the heart mimi

way
practice power us
giving
discipline
effort

i wanted to say joy against no one of them
patience
meditation
wisdom
wisdom of no separation
the wisdom of no separation
which
we start right from the beginning
in this groundless spaciousness
no separation
healing our wound
healing the wound of the world we began our practice all over again from the beginning
completely in the dark
not knowing anything at all
which reminds me i will come home
i live my life in
the didn't say spreading
i live my life and widening orbits moving out over the things of the world
perhaps i will not rich to the very last one
but that will be my effort
i've been circling around
a mystery
and i've been circling four thousand years

hence still
i don't know
he find a falcon
or a storm
or a great song

this not knowing is a big relief
so
to another day and half
set
so only way
set in the middle of your particular store and know it to be completely groundless
in its deepest sense
and let
the choices awareness that you are heal
here deepest wound