December 5th, 1999, Serial No. 03927

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and intention
so we are together
second day
the second pair
and how is it

how is your breath
sit tight
how is it for you now

i just am spoke to my dad on the phone
just before coming here
he said
he was breathing heavily
he walked from maybe that side of the room to this
and that's a big deal for him and so he said to me don't rush

says she is a time when we can take the time to not rush
we can actually sit in the present moment with ourselves it's a gift
we don't have to bother about work relationships
what people think a hearse
what we think of other people
we can just sit with ourselves
and watch
just like paul yesterday said in a wonderful way
we can let the loveliness of who we really are bloom

this acceptance of who we are doesn't mean we necessarily have to like it
it only means that it's there
so we just acknowledge was there
with a kind of bay as best we can kind of an open heart

and no one is telling us
how it shouldn't be
or what would make it better
for some of us
these thoughts inside
while i'm not sitting well enough
i need to sit better i need to be more settled i don't like it here i want something else this is really good this is terrific i'm doing really great

the only thing that keeps us from being present
and you know strangely enough were never not present so what is the big deal
we're always here
how can we be anywhere else

trungpa said
oh hannah he said important thing but
the first thing maybe
and in fact the forever thing it just gets deeper and deeper
is that meditation is about making friends with ourself

so if you're sitting second day of says shane
and you haven't yet done that
that's okay
it takes a lifetime

the teaching is about being present truly
because our life goes on in the present moment our little flower blooms in the present moment and all of us in this room i think otherwise you wouldn't bear wanna be there for are blooming
so i thought i would remind you a little bit of a hindrances
de simply allowing that little flower
to open
for yourself
right now
the hindrances or five traditional
ha states of mind really
the first one is greed
i'm smiling because we are or so familiar with these states of mind and
the first joined his grade
her desire
the second one guess he know subversion
the third one is slot or torpor or kind of depressed state of mind
the fourth one is restlessness or an excited state of mind
and the last one is doubt insidious dad

and boy all have these beginner intermediate
i don't know about very advanced

these five states of mind
are active when we don't want to be present
and you know the sad thing about her what i mean had enough at happen
the thing about says shane that's one of the things are so wonderful is like when i say a sad state of mind
that you can't really grab onto it turned out during session so sad again
some of us can grab onto it
but anyway
they keep us from being present as much as we want to be present the states of mind that are us that we rekindle that we believe in prevent us from being present
and we have these states over and over again and when we have repeated state of mind
usually it means that there's a feeling underneath there that we don't want to feel
so these states of mind or a kind of a clue for us
desire is an interesting one because
we think that desire is about an object outside of us
but it really is not desire is about attachment how strong attachment is in the mind that's how much we desire whether it's a cookie or a person
and i usually think for a person we'd have a lot more desire
but not necessarily serves and pens for a cookie we're that much desire for a cookie
and the most i think the most interesting thing about desire is that it comes from a place of black
and what really we can't stand is not having enlightenment
being enlightened
it's not so much that we want anything it's that we don't want to feel
we don't want to feel not enough
we don't want to feel a lack an emptiness
so you might why you're sitting notice if you're having a state of mind nets grasping

and if you're not a green type
if your tendency isn't grade
he might check out a version

a version comes in all styles
it could be fear
that's a big one
it could be judgment
it could be just resistance to what's happening
right now

another form of a persian his course denial
and sometimes denial for meditators comes in the form of
too much concentration so be careful
can also come in the form of place

both aversion and grade our feelings that hurt
if you notice in your body physically they hurt
their emotions head hurt
and everyone is sloth you know i face out in the zendo
so sometimes before i even settle myself people are already going
sweet it especially sweet when two people are sitting together and ones leaning this way asleep and israeli are through him
sometimes we're tired you know as admitted if you're tired go to sleep to okay
but if you're not tired and every time you sit down and the cushion and right away you're gone you might wonder about hep then
and the opposite of that of course his restlessness
restless mind
restlessness also comes in the the shape of excitement
sometimes too much enthusiasm israeli just running right over the present moment missing it completely
i used to do that a lot
too much energy
how is it tassajara a time and i was very enthusiastic about making a as of has very enthusiastic about making a lasagna dish
and one of the guess one a day and a guests came and sometimes they like working in the kitchen and this one who happened to come with italian and i got really excited
because i thought you know she would of course she would want to bake a lasagna
it never occurred to me that she wouldn't
so in my enthusiasm i i said you know
so we're going to bake this lasagna stuff like that and and would you know what you help cook it and she looked me straight the eye and she said nope

the last one and the one is very difficult for some people is doubt and i don't mean the doubt that keeps you curious about trying to understand the truth now that's wonderful
i mean the doubt that insidious doubt that undermines your practice that makes you think things like well i can't do this
that kind of doubt
self doubt that kind of town
that's very that's all in all of these are kind of painful accept i guess slot because you know therefore it
but then i suppose we know when you wake up than you think i wasted half hour

you know my words they're just only to encourage mostly
we're just sitting together as the most important thing just spend time on the cushion with yourself trying to be present
it's funny you know in many ways we're afraid to be present in one of the ways were afraid as because when we're really present we have no control and lot of people are really afraid not to be in control
and the reason is because they don't want to feels or thinks that they think will come up if the ground opens up a little bit
so are always you know re submitting and read plastering ourself
and our world you know we keep recreating herself over and over again and we recreate the world over and over again in the most solid way
because it's falling apart
all the time
it's changing always

no matter what experience we're having
the thing that's most consistent is our awareness of it
that's what we really are
we're not some experience we don't need to have some special experience in in
i just need to be aware
we need to be awake
just be awake

for awake we see constant
flow change
say brought upon
three pumped shortland
life is like a dewdrop empty and fleeting
my ears are gone and now quivering and frail i must fade away

there's no
the cherry blossoms have passed away their color last well to no avail
age takes my beauty as it falls in the long reign of my regret
that's very japanese has a japanese poem
it could be instead of beauty it could be your physicality you know or whatever
this is so again it's one
dewdrops on a blade of grass having so little time before the sun rises let not the autumn wind blow so quickly on the field
korea that money again
dewdrops on a blade of grass
having so little time before the sun rises
let not the wind the autumn wind blow so quickly
on the field

i think in the for concerts and gay this morning there's a part where it says her
anyway so
her mental states change all the time and sometimes they're difficult
so the way to work with him his first of course just to acknowledge that there there
especially if they're the hindrances because the hindrances or stopping us from being present
and they're noxious hindrances at a superficial level although that's where they come first and we need to get through these in order to really settle
so we have to acknowledge that they're happening
and for some people they happen with big emotions big greed big a parisian big restlessness big slot tremendous doubt
but they also happen as we begin to deepen at other levels they come back again only more subtle
so we need to acknowledge them
notice them

and once acknowledged any difficult emotion feel it in the body go back to the body come back to the breath
and then if you can don't hold on and it will change has everything does
the pain comes when we identify

with any of it
so what we're trying to do is simply acknowledge what's happening and settle right blair
and it takes some amount of effort
you have to make effort
a patient effort

when way settle into this breath
his breath that is the mind
we can begin to trust ourselves
and interesting ourselves we can begin to trust
our situation the world

we trust it and not as we wanted to be but as it actually is that's what we end up trusting

these emotions said some of us maybe are having now that are difficult it is the pair
the path has brought to us by these individuated difficult emotions each one of us a different path same basic idea but a different path because each of us are completely different people
but the difficulty is the path
why because the difficulty is the self
and that's what we're studying for studying who am i
what is this that's going on what is this self that i identify with where is it how does it come up what is it do to me
well what it does is it gives a struggle
so where else are we gonna find it

and i think
true happiness
i don't think that i know this true happiness comes from when the self his let go of
that's when it happens
so this is the second day
and at some point yesterday today tomorrow or the next day we will most of us came up
it's just too much effort to keep struggling
it's gonna be too difficult so finally will give up
we'll see through the hindrances or don't even won't even care about them anymore
and finally in letting that stuff girl will be able to settle into the present moment

and it's there of course that who we truly are will get a chance to blue it's not that this difficulty is not who we truly are either it is of course
but our deep herself is a silence
a thorough silence and stillness it is a kind of vague
that is embodied in all of the difficulty that we have
so for example we can be completely afraid
and completely still in the middle of that fear
completely grasping and still in the middle of that grasping
complete doubt fear joy
but just not attached to it not identified with it and to see that is to see to the the way we get there is to see impermanence that's one of the ways
so when there's hindrance notice it
let it go go back to the breath go back to the body
let yourself settle in ground lushness let yourselves saddle and the constant flow it is who we are

what we do is not a mystery
it's work
it's practice
and sitting meditation during says shane is in fact the easiest way
to develop a strong mind
a mind that is open
to ground listeners to emptiness
because it is here that we really can't exactly blame anybody else
it's here that who we are comes up right in front of us we can't
well we can deny it but we can't deny it it's right there in front of us

there are no distractions but our own
and the forms help
these forms that we do are reminders to be present
that's all
they just reminders to be present

so it doesn't really matter
what the particular experience is
it really hasn't
it just matters that we are awake
to it

in this way we said
by ourselves
with our own particular path

in the midst of this lovely his loveliness as flower that we are
whatever emotions come up
while we need to deal is be awake

so again
just acknowledge
feel the difficult feelings in the body with a breath
don't hold on don't identify
surrender over and over again to the present moment

and if he can't do that

take care of their person
that person deserves your greatest warmth
until they feel safe again and wouldn't they do
go back to the practice of emptiness