December 2nd, 2002, Serial No. 04061

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and it's really good chanting

yeah by the way i didn't know that i was going to be giving this talk until a couple days ago my name is tear and as if he had don't know and
i'm going to be talking with you i pray and
because i didn't know that i was going to be giving the talk i had planned already things to do today at nine fifteen and now at ten and eleven so i won't be able to be available for questions and answers so i thought after i talked for a new
little bit saying and not sure what
making have questions and answers here for little bit and and then from eleven to twelve those of you who am
on a sudden now have nothing to you
pick a kind of mingle and mixon made each other a little better enjoy via we have a little bit respite from the rain you can get the welcome air very fresh wonderful answer if you want to take can be outside of that or if you'd like to you can enjoy the courtyard and joe
join us for lunch
business by my top
you know what else i i can every our days i did
plan to say something and i do have stuff to share with you but am
how many people are new to is an today he can even a tree and tires i can see
how can how many people have like sad only for a few months
well for you
you know i think i am doing one thing to do is and maybe i'll say something about practice little bit
and then know those of you who have practiced longer maybe during our questions and answers i might come as you also to share your understanding of some response to whatever the question is


is that different that sounds like cutting cutting cancer
the train of a penny or
the to
reminds me of fan
you know that we've been having noise all wake it's and not always on the month had sense enough because they're rebuilding the wall across the street safely on the weekend it's quiet
oh they might say this a better day i saw the movie m lord of the rings has anyone seen it already
i have her foster son and one carlos and he wanted to say it right away so we try to get tickets over the internet and on wednesday or the was sold out
so i sat thursday and it reminds wanted there is a part of the lord of the rings were the trees come alive
and i was rooting for the trays
and i still root for the trees
and in a way i'm thinking huh
i mean i hoped it actually this doesn't come to pass but now that the earth kind of gives a big age and shakes and and helps human beings to remember who actually is in charge here
and maybe we can have a little bit more humility
us how we relate with each other and behavior
because it's the way that we relate with each other as other that is
cause for the trees to be so upset and i'm sure they're upset

during session did i talk about fear and ah
did i read from i'm sharon salzberg book faith and i did

i didn't bring anything
but you know myself personally what i'm feeling and i've never ever felt this before my whole entire life i grew up in a very protected shorted
environment and i never even when i'm traveling around the world by myself i never really thought that i was at risk you know i was careful to a point but i never really felt at risk and now i feel more at risk than i ever have
because of her
political situation
and what i feel i guess that if i don't pay attention to that fear
then i will not be able to respond in the best possible way to address
what i fear and say am
the ignoring of our connectedness
from our leaders
so anyway what i wanted to talk about today is just basic fundamental practice
it's not so really difficult to understand what's being asked of us it's pretty straightforward actually and simple in the beginning for those of you just starting to to meditate and near to the practice all that you're asked to do really is in the in inner
usually in the beginning is just be able to patiently without too much judgment continually try to stay present
that's what's being asked just try to develop a habit mind and mind that habituates to being present
and in the beginning and you know it's really difficult some of us have a lot of trouble convincing ourselves what we really want to do is be present if on here
oh richard's out there
so initially sometimes some of us have to make a great effort
to keep the mind present in the body over and over and over and over again for the first thing you have to do is decide that that's actually the commitment that you want to make for some of us it isn't someone us thankfully we kind of want to be pregnant but actually
on second thought we don't
and we make all kinds of reasons for ourselves why it's too painful
oftentimes just simply too painful sometimes we just don't look kind of so er mindre so fuzzy and stuff i get that rationally we just stay up on our hands all the time and are afraid to just drop that just let go of all the reasons even though they're good why we have to think about such
such a thought or why not being present is good appropriate for now
we just have to cut through all of that and just develop the muscle family talks about the being present and muscle the develop of the being present muscle and let go of all or estimate and just be in our body be in the body
so the first big job is to really sit down with your shop and and think about it
do i really wanna make this commitment hundred per cent whatever's happening no past no future just be present in the body and certainly that's true for when we met a day
it's also true really the rest of the day ultimately our job is to have this continuity of present
and i'm distinguishing here between
ah what i call consciousness which is dualistic and the wider awareness that's non dualistic that is our birthright
it is what we take refuge in
we can say it's a buddha mind and buddha we take refuge in that because everything else
changes who can't take refuge in feeling good because we can't sustain that
we can't take refuge even in feeling bad about ourselves because sometimes if you admit it you feel actually happy
but you know a lot of people go right over that they passed right over every time they're happy they just pass right over it and they go right back to whatever the dark side is
no but sometimes we were actually happy and we have to know it when that happened we take can't take refuge in mind states
in positive thinking doesn't work and even pleasant sensations
we also have aches and pains
there isn't anything in our body sensation in our emotional energetic world energy is up sometimes out here down in our mind nothing in our body and our emotional life in our thought process is countable on
certainly count of on in a pleasant way
but none of it's kind of on it all changes the only thing that actually
can i say it doesn't i can't say it doesn't change the only thing is this is kind of magical awareness that is our true nature that is the nature of our mind is simply this ability to
be awake
that's our birthright it's who we are all we have to do his own peel it
so anyway in the beginning even in the midst of our delusions even in the midst of dualistic thinking even in the midst of happiness even in the midst of sadness in this a pleasant body sensations elements of unpleasant but at least in doesn't matter always were aware always there is awareness there
that's what we'd take refuge in
so anyway the first thing that we have to do in practice is decide whether or not we really want to be present then when we decide yes and if you decide know that's perfectly okay not a problem here buddha anyway
if we decide yes then we have to actually put the effort out takes a tremendous amount of effort
you have to make the effort every time you'd find yourself living away you just have to notice that oh at some point you wake up oh i'm not here okay fine back again doesn't need to be judgment doesn't need to be any i can't do this practice doesn't need to be impatient doesn't mm
need to be goal oriented is manifests shouldn't be goal oriented
hmm and you understand why this is almost redundant but my i'll say it anyway
not goal oriented and because as soon as your goal oriented it's dualistic it's mail be here trying to get whatever it is get being present
so as maverick what a one of the things that brad is some this wonderful
bernie glassman book called the infinite surplus gradebook in in the end of it he says exactly what i'm saying about taking refuge and the way he and minds whom he translated taking refuge in buddha is just being buddha
being dharma being santa
which has actually are truth we either in the beginning don't know it or we do
that any only difference is if we don't know that were miserable

and if we know it it doesn't mean that we're not miserable it just means that may not when we're not
very anti if the only difference is no the last ashamed that i sat was really an amazingly at any who know what to call it i think i call on paper it was moving in with own just completely present every period i didn't care
the bell rang and gave it didn't make i wasn't in some kind of concentrated state i was an absorbing and a i was just breathing president open relax the whole entire time and at the end of it i wasn't any more happy and i were i didn't even feel more connected nothing
and i thought to myself you know why don't guess appointment
and then i remembered
yeah so i heard this appointment comes through and not disappoint we come through and is just life
sometimes it's wonderful and
by great now i'm looking out the window and there grand can you see this there's a diamond hanging off his bush it's just basically water you know how water
when he caught when it
yeah when it into it when it makes little circles for the bubbles no bubble you know property
yeah and before it can be frank it has to be a little bubble and has the makes little bone growth yet forms drops
the their drafts all over their thing and then it's refracted different benefits refracted the light refracts and they can't become diamonds have their diamonds and ambush by that time
that's it
because someday i'm gonna be dead and i won't get to see
i was riding on a bus yesterday
and then
i love reading and buses can we get to overhear people's conversation that you wouldn't never here
and the best shave and this guy or having this conversation in the guy said you know the game is half over
no gray
i know the great way of putting it in our lives if you're forty you're lucky if it's half hour thing
probably more than half of
so notice while we have it
cause it's a real it's a miracle gift okay only we say after the side if you're gonna be present then you have to actually make the effort to be present and then the next thing is what your present for
what were present for are all of the habit patterns the condition karmic events the
you know we active tendencies of our conditioning psychological conditioning it's all mostly that point psychological our defenses whatever our fears are you know desire grabbing things and so on the next thing that happens
into a face to face with this psychological event that we have become that will become so then and then what kind of embarrassed at it actually first thing is it were embarrassed at what we've become
so but mostly with reason because we're really selfish with selfish or greedy you know or hateful we are and so we are and so on
isn't it it's here definitely i so we we gulp you know and we then sort of you stand up again and then we have to walk through all we have to learn about it thoroughly totally
where am i caught how do i hate where do i heard what do i grab after where does that come from all the patterns all the psychological stuff we have to get in there and really not judge it nothing not even get rid of it just see it really clearly how does what we'd
think of our self work how does it work so for a long time buddhism looks like a psychological event and and it is
it's a psychological event for a while they have to really understand who we are in a deluded way we already know who we are in an awakened way somewhere inside we know it's still in there it's never goes away it's always a
saleable to us somewhere in us we know exactly ultimately who we are we have a total heart of compassion and we are totally awake it's there all the time but in the meantime we have to learn all about to dilute
and eventually knowing it really well knowing it suffering if we brave enough to get in there with it
we actually end up
developing into a real love for that one
we really do because the one who's looking at that one this plane non dual awareness is not making a lot of judgments about it it's just seeing how it suffered so
from simply not getting what we want and having what we don't want
we suffer so much
so you end up wondering this one this is one that suffers somewhat his second family
knowing it really well
and now i'm just like dung and says and medina
and then just as dogan says where we know it really well we can just forget about
what a relief
and whenever it comes up with its little whatever it is we can either pay attention to it act that way or not we have a choice we're not just reactive anymore we don't just run after some kind of i was going to say sexual thing but you know that's very hard sexual when a difficult
but anyway we have a choice we begin to have a choice

and what we do more and more is we rest in this
non identified we don't identify with consciousness we don't identify with emotion but we don't identify with our body we are just a wake as our life comes giddy
so how it's not psychological is ultimately
there's not a self there and that we identify with anymore


and i wanted to say when anything

it's so far in my experience i still think it's true and a know maybe people in other traditions will tell me a million and i don't understand but i just was reading a book by john amaro and he was talking about am they treat that he was giving with so can even push pushing and said how long is our it's only so
choke me
one person
no es you from the okay why i
nothing better i think it's cramped so new membership i'm not sure that he's absorption master and they were giving retreat to get it will pass an injunction and
autonoma was saying how in in his own teaching
i'm listening to his teachers a chance tomato and china china that what they're teaching is ultimately is when we meditate
and the point is not just in meditation but to develop the continuity of this awareness allowing this awareness to be there all the time
that the direction is to basically don't do anything
and just let this non dual awareness be there and in buddhism injunction they call this
nando and ripper and he said autonoma said that in the passionate they don't really he didn't anyway at that time in this talk graduating he didn't name it they just call it the unconditioned
but you know in zan this is our
this is our way especially and so does in way
set in chicken passa just being not not trying to be something but just surrendering to what actually is they're letting the awareness simply manifest as us cause it's there anyway
just being life
so to me anyway i maybe wrong but all of these traditions all over the
no practice meditation traditions that have come to the west basically are saying in in their essence the same thing
so i was gonna reach him
from the intrinsic standpoint the appropriate translation would be being buddha
that is from the beginning were nothing but the enlightened one we have to discover and experience this but whether we do or not essentially it's always the case
this perspective you can't not be buddha the buddha reflects the experiential standpoint we have to realize that we are buddha being buddha we have to be buddha we have to deepen our realization until we are no longer have any notion of being enlightened one
and once we experience that state than being buddha and bay buddha come together
for instance the flower falling from the tree in los angeles means we are falling with it and as it from the perspective of one body three treasures buddha is the world of emptiness this is not some sort of void but rather the
whole universe or in mathematical terms the universal set that contains or is everything
if this universal set is full to overflowing with everything without exception and what sense is it empty in the sense that it contains everything before we name things this or that completely independent of all labels concepts or category
that's what we were studying with fossil boundary member
without notions there is no way to exclude anything
to exclude something requires the notion that knowing of something being this or that
being this universal set without separation is not knowing and the way trungpa put at one time i'll i like this phrase you probably remember it it's been so what he said
good bed happy sad managed like the imprint of the bird in the sky
anyway so
at our practice and such as in from the beginning we getting an end of the same
air and a little bit different
so i hope that to
hope that we continue practicing in doing our best to try to be
this person we are really inside you know it we his mask and we fail all the time but it's okay so was way from her air awake we can it's okay to make mistakes
when academic
somebody here wanted to be called when they were ordained they wanted their name to be falls down gets up

so we have my to succumb as her questions and answers

yeah it's a good question

when you're talking on two different levels we have to understand that there's a conventional level and ultimate level
i'm ultimately a great hate and delusion or not innate i would not say their in name
it's when we are
a truly who we we are good totally good and completely forgiven everything and console the pamlico isn't were in that way were totally free them absolutely and i can say to you inside you good
and no one should ever take anything else ever
and you know in the conventional world we we do things based on grade eight delusion
and when we do those things they often are harmful
so we don't even have to say good man we can just say when we do something that is that we feel in ourself a harmful to ourselves or to anyone else at next time we'll try to do not harmful
non army and that's our effort over and over and over and over again we don't have to have any judgments about
we can just stand up and our vow
can not harm
a what if greed hate and delusion is buddha itself but a natured and the nessa good i never heard that a buddha nature know but great hate and delusion are there
definitely that's definitely how way i'm often respond to the world when we live in delusion
but as soon as delusion drops away when we really understand that we are not separate from anything else ever and that what we do actually matters
then we live we vow to live to awaken ourselves and everybody else
great hate and delusion is not your fundamental nature no
and in fact from the point of view of just simply awake
okay business with an innocent i shouldn't be saying is too much
the ultimate i'm not said it'll be too confusing never mind her
in anybody else have a it
i wrapped up
like had a craft a sane authentic life
well the first thing that comes to mind pub right up into line is don't know just really be present and meet your life as it comes to be in this present moment and awake as you possibly can and really you know be a way to how you feel and to have what's
ever isn't as clear as you can with everything that's happening and then respond best you can appropriate response
i don't know another way of been

i keep really in touch with it i'm really right now aware of it and
ige am trying to a with it do you know activity toward
what might prevent a real risk from actually happening but i don't ignore my feeling can i take my feeling i tuck it under my arm and go forward the same thing with that's what we have to do with here to share the definition of fearless is not not having fear
it's being afraid and going forward
with a fear

i'm at that time
it is not certain
yeah wondering
are you
well i think what i was feeling was a difference between like as a difference between love and compassion you know when you're in live and i'm just going to define it this way it's like you have an object they have these feelings i wasn't feeling feeling
i was just so maybe it's not like i wasn't connected assisted there weren't like i was like loving everybody or the like that i was just there
so maybe not connected is not quite there anything but just just there with this and is and then this but not you know there was an mention you know
in feelings happening

well you know sexual energy is just very powerful you know and we all have done i'm sure stupid things you know directly because we you actually sexual feeling is actually uncomfortable
and so you want it to be resolved it's like in any my spoons and it's like you know in music there is like the same one of the things that music that makes it so
i could say
so much of what it has a man
is that it has it we are trained to here in a certain way in the west were trained to hear
a accord and then a dissonant that is resolved back to this whole cord psych home so a lot of the music especially music it's my new way that it puts you in this place and dissonance and you're waiting and waiting is like tristan and isolde
and enough you know opera many new this tristan isolde is leave you in this dissonant place for really a long time until you just screaming for it to be resolved or sexuality and stuff like that
so it's so when it's when it's not resolved we have this tremendous wanting to just basically get it resolved so it's very difficult to sit still with that energy
and really let it be there and and just be able to not move with it and then make a decision based on consequences letting you don't have you ever tracked the favorite pupil who are in love are very interesting
it totally irrational
totally irrational a person who in lab will tell you hundreds of reasons why they should actually go forward with this what you know to be a disastrous and then they will pay a reason after reason after reason why that's exactly the right thing to do
i'll vote for her
i was just saying that it's very strong
this is something that i think everybody at some point you really have to work with you really have to be able to be with social especially people if they think they're going to be a teacher otherwise it's really a mistake
thrill a mistake because you really heard people
have to be really careful
oh yeah either

i learn
no no we're never going to work

hi there
i mean and then
yeah i think he can you just once may be tell them how you feel and then let them in a father
unless a person is really open to listen and not getting here
he just loved them our job is to love each other basically we just a job is to try your best we can to accept ourselves and each other as we are that's it it is
and they are and if you see the person
you know it i'll tell you it's totally changed my relationship with my brain
it was amazing my but you know when you grow up as assembling nebula stop after this complaint when you grow up with a sibling when you don't have a lot of if if your parents are not kind of trying to helping you to learn how to grow up sort of years a it is what my brother and i did we tried to help each other
so we'd say well you know he'd tell me well you know maybe shouldn't you act this way or i'd tell him well maybe this way would be a better way of doing it and back and forth and back and forth and then when you become adults if you keep doing that with each other at some point you really you to have to stop because that person really has become who they are you become who you are you
major choices and you just have to if you keep doing at the many way my brother heard it as judgmental rather than helpful it became judgmental rather than helpful
so for long time we were kind of a strange because he couldn't you know it was hard to talk to each other especially because my brother start right away he'd be hurt by me
terrible and it was being hurt by me cause i was saying don't drink for one thing
henan area
at some point about seven years ago not for long ago i just simply decided i was just gonna stop and what am i what i was going to do was no matter what i was just going to accept him totally unconditionally that was it period
and i did and for a while i would talk to him and and you know he wouldn't chris well he didn't believe it for a lot for couple years i was extremely careful very agenda with what i said never disagreed with him just totally supported whatever it was over and over
over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and finally he really began to say that i was not going to
hurt him
and it was a miracle and now we can actually we're going to we may be really friends and and be able to talk we talk now quite a bit on the phone i tell him that pretty much everything and he tells me his feelings now which is america
so i think that if we can do that for each other it's really
you know it doesn't mean that we gather that we don't do things that need feedback you know and limits and since i'm not saying that
that's kind of hide to always talk from his at the same time
right so i'm no more questions and answers and enjoying the day and had a happy holiday season and pray that we don't have
too much distraction

and ten