This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. So I'm supposed to introduce myself. So my name is Mary Mohsin. My Dharma name is Ho'un Zenki. Dharma Cloud, Total Joy. I started practice at Green Gulch and Berkeley in 1988. And in 90, I went to Tassajara. And I was there for four years. And in 94, I came back. And I was at Green Gulch for a year. And then I was here at City Center. I don't remember. 95 to 99, whatever that is. And I was ordained by Sojin Mel Weitzman, who was my teacher all along.

[01:07]

I was ordained by him in September of 94 with Michael Wenger and a woman named Kathleen Williams, who maybe a couple of you know, I don't know. Kathleen was ordained by Blanche Hartman. And Paul Haller and the leadership here were kind enough to make it possible to have the ceremony in the Zendo, because a really important guest for me is a quadriplegic, and there was no ramp then. And I just, I don't know if I ever told you this, Paul, but I have this memory, you know, I'm sort of wandering around, being led around in my kimono, bald, and... And and I saw I saw Paul with a you had a carpenter's belt on and you were heading downstairs and you said something like, OK, here we go. And you and I don't know who went down and took those, you know, those central.

[02:10]

You remember this end up there's central tons on the floor. They were all removed. And I've always been grateful, and I don't know if I ever told you that, and I am. So then, you know, I was Sheikah at Green Gulch, and I was Tenzo here, and Tenzo at City Center, I mean, at Tassahara, and Ino at Tassahara, basically. And also, then I was director here. That was my last job. I received Dharma transmission from Sojin at Tassahara in the spring of 2005. I was Shuso at Tassahara with Norm and Fisher at the winter practice period of 98. And then I was transmitted in 2005.

[03:12]

I left in 99 to found the... Clearwater Zendo, otherwise known as the Vallejo Zen Center. And we officially opened in January of 2000. And I stepped down as Abbott there about a year ago. But there's still a small group that meets hybrid on weekday mornings and Wednesday nights. But I don't. attend hardly at all, and I don't get up early. And it's been a great, sorry, it's been a great joy. I'm a night person, and for 35 years I got up early virtually every morning. So not getting up early is a great pleasure, still. While I'm digressing, I'll say that I still enjoy

[04:16]

not having to get dressed and go somewhere else in order to take a shower or to, uh, eat breakfast. And I, I mean, I still notice it and it's been a long time. And I also still miss it. I still miss it. I was, uh, much to tell you. I was born in Los Angeles, grew up there, went to Cal Berkeley, and never really went back. Went to law school here in the city at, I forget what it's called now, San Francisco Law School or something, because Hastings was apparently a slave owner or something. And I was a union side labor lawyer for many years. And then I just got drawn to this more. And I think of myself as a hospice person.

[05:21]

I did the training because I'd been helpful. They'd let me do the training without ever making a commitment to Laguna Honda because I was starting a scent center. All right, that's enough, more than enough. So I have been... I was kind of debating in the middle of the night. I had a plan about what to talk about, and I kept... It didn't... I don't know how to say it. It didn't resonate with me, what I was thinking about talking about. And I've learned that when that's the case, the talks can be kind of dry. So I kind of... virtually sat with it, asked myself, what is this?

[06:26]

What is going on for me? What's up for me? And unfortunately, or unfortunately, I don't know, it's, you know, it's the fallout from the election. And I think for many people that's the case. Even, I suppose, at Trump, I am Facebook friends with a who is very much a Trump person, and he's feeling depressed. And I have not asked him why, because I thought it would just sound too kind of condescending or presumptuous, because I think, not that, I don't think he's having second thoughts, But my experience is when there's something that you're really focused on and you put all your energy into getting whatever that is, once that's done, there's a letdown and a depression that can happen.

[07:35]

So that's my idea. So the point of that is that I think that probably a lot of people, not just Democrats, are feeling some letdown now. And I don't know how others feel about the presumptive members of the cabinet. I'm worried. I mean, I obviously, I try not to talk about politics, even though I think my politics show anyway. I've always felt that it's important for people who support Donald Trump or people who support the death penalty or people who would ever feel welcome in a Zendo.

[08:40]

And I have never been an advocate for being too overtly political. And I feel that it's important right now to address this. I don't know, the letdown, the fear, whatever it might be for you or for us. And I want to notice, too, that this is the darkest time of the year. The solstice is a week from today. the shortest day of the year, the darkest day of the year. And our society feels dark to me now, and it's not only here, but it's in Gaza and in Syria and in Israel.

[09:49]

And in Sudan, and I could go on, but I'll stop. But it's hard times in this world of ours. And I feel that I'm aware of it in this dark time. It is physically dark. And another facet. is that it's about to start getting lighter. And this is the time of year when we have many, many, many different celebrations of the light coming back. There are solstice celebrations. There is Christmas. There's Hanukkah. There's Buddha's Enlightenment. There are Zoroastrian and Persian celebrations. and lots and lots of Christian variations and celebrations.

[11:00]

I was raised as something called a theosophist, and we used to celebrate the solstice and sing a hymn that was supposedly a Druid hymn. It's true, we are violets on all the stony places. symbol of the blessed ones who came this way before. Onward we go on the season's blessed turning. Onward we go following the sun. And if you are paying attention, it is a joy at this time of year to see it turn. I remember at... I don't know how many of you have been at Tassajara, but it's really in a canyon. You could call it a valley if you want, but I'd call it a canyon. The sides are pretty steep. And in the wintertime, when the days are short and the sun is low, it doesn't penetrate to the main sort of courtyard area.

[12:13]

called the coffee-tea area, where people hang out at breaks and things. And it barely gets to the roof of the Zendo. And then it starts, as the springtime comes, it starts coming back. And it's a big deal when it hits, there's the courtyard, and there's a path, and then there's some rocks that you can sit on, and people perch on those rocks when there's a... lunch in the dining room for some reason, then those rocks are jammed with people eating their lunch there because that's where the sun is. And one is very, very conscious of it. And it's a gift to me from Dasahara that I'm still very conscious of it. So I'm I'm wanting to point at, talk about practicing with this dark time, with these difficulties.

[13:18]

Because it's really important, I think, to see clearly. I had thought about talking about... named Baya of the Barcloth, who wanted Buddha to teach him, and Buddha did. And I'm going to just, instead of reading the whole thing, I'm going to just read what Buddha said to him. Here in Baya, you should train yourself thus. In the seen will be merely what is seen. In the heard will be merely what is heard. In the senses will be merely what is sensed. In the cognized will What will be merely what in the cognized will be merely what is cognized. In this way, you should train yourself by a when by a in the scene is merely what is seen.

[14:23]

In the cognized, merely what is cognized, then by a you will not be with that. When you are not with that, you will not be in that. When you are not in that, then you will be neither here nor beyond nor in between the two. Just this is the end of suffering. Just this. When we don't add on. When we don't insert ourselves into our experience. When we just see. when we just hear, when a thought simply arises, without all the commentary, without all the ideas. When we're just present and we simply respond, that's our practice.

[15:28]

Easier said than done. But it's my intention. It's my effort. And sometimes I can't see at all. I know I'm getting very upset. I know I am not seeing clearly, say. But the best I can do... is to know that I'm doing that, know that I'm adding my opinion. I'm seeing through the lens of my prejudices and my ideas. I've worked very hard with my feelings about Donald Trump, and I have gotten to be in touch with, and this is I've been working with this for a long time, but I'm in touch with how frightened I am.

[16:35]

And I am able to understand the likelihood that people who really support him strongly feel frightened and that they're feeling a fright. Fear of me is not that different. from my feeling of fear of MAGA people. And I had to dig to get to that place because it's so much easier to just hate and to catastrophize and to talk to friends, make jokes. But our practice is to be willing to allow it. The Buddha says, don't be with it.

[17:39]

I think we have to be able to allow it, allow the feelings and the ideas and whatever, allow it to arise, even when it's dark, it's hard. It's the practice of willingness that matters. I have to be willing to acknowledge how I am. I personally right now am still in the kind of grieving numbness side of things. So okay. Okay, I'm numb. I'm not thinking about, I'm not doing anything. I don't know what there is to do, but I am mostly numb and I think it's important for me to let myself be numb and to know that I'm scared.

[18:51]

I think that that's it. That's our practice. I mean, whatever, your practice is yours. You have your response, right? But the important thing is to know what it is. Or, if it's not apparent to you, should be willing to be patient and willing to just allow it to whatever there is to manifest when it's ready. Let the myriad things come forth and experience themselves. And sometimes it's just patience practice, the dreaded patience practice. Another facet of what I want to say to you is that it's really important to remember to take care of yourself in the process. I've been lecturing recently up in Sacramento about loving-kindness.

[20:05]

And it's one of the four divine abodes. And the instructions start with yourself, that you must love yourself. Then you can extend it out. But it needs to start with this one. It's not about some narcissistic, self-important kind of thing, but we have to take care of ourselves. It's really important to take care of yourself and respect yourself and love yourself. To include yourself. Sometimes we say things like, oh, well, I want to love all beings. I want to save all beings. And if you stop and notice what that means to you, it's pointing out there. It's rare that we remember, oh yeah, I'm one too. I'm one too.

[21:08]

I need to save this one. Sometimes that's the best I can do for saving all beings. Because if I'm in charge of this one, if I'm not giving in to my opinions and ideas and fears and so on, I'm usually much easier to be around. That's helpful to other beings. I want to emphasize this. Including yourself. When you do a loving-kindness meditation, it's often the instruction, start with yourself, take yourself into your heart, and wish yourself well. Because that's the foundation from that warmth, can spread warmth to other beings.

[22:17]

From that warmth, from that basis, you can be useful. I'm not a fan of using the word help. You can be useful. And when you're not in that appropriate self-regard, you're often not very useful even when you think you are or you want to be. So another aspect along the same lines and another aspect of seeing clearly, the Buddha said, Just see what's there. Just hear what's there. This one is there too. So again, including yourself.

[23:19]

And I've touched on this, you know, seeing clearly includes seeing when you're not living up to some ideal, when you're not living up to what Buddha said, when in the scene for you is not just the scene, when for you in the scene or the herd is your idea or your fear or your anger or your jealousy, when there's, when you're piling on, it's gotta be, it's gotta be okay. Okay, it's, or, I'm kind of, I'm talking to myself here too, that, you know, if when we're

[24:45]

I'm trying to think of a word besides failing. I don't want to talk about it in that way. So it sounds so judgmental. But when we're not living up to our aspiration to only see what's there, only hear what's there, we have a tendency then to pile on and to start criticizing ourselves. for being critical or criticizing ourselves for being angry, for having anger arise. Oh, there I go again. I'm never going to be able to do that. I can't do this. Yeah, you can. And it's hard, and that's why we support each other. That's why I give talks. That's why I get up in the morning. That's why I read about love and kindness. remind myself to include myself to wish myself well wish yourself well and remember when you see clearly remember that you are one of the collective right there are myriad beings and I'm one too

[26:10]

And it's so easy to forget. I did a talk years and years ago at Tassajara, and I don't even remember exactly what it was about, but it was a class in the dining room, I guess. And I asked people to look around and then to close their eyes and to think of something positive about everybody in the room. There are probably about 20 people in the room. And they all knew each other. So I said, just close your eyes and think something positive. And then I gave them some time. And then I had them open their eyes and I said, how many of you included yourself? Not one. Not one. So remember. Remember. You're one too. I'm one too. I want to wish myself well. When I'm feeling... okay about myself when I'm feeling good about myself. I'm much nicer. I'm much easier to be around.

[27:15]

One of my favorite lines is from an old pop song. Everybody, I don't know what the title is, might be this. Everybody loves a lover. I'm a lover. Everybody loves me. And I love everybody since I fell in love with you. That feeling. which is not usually sustainable when you're in the early stages of falling in love with somebody. But that feeling is available to us, that feeling of loving everybody, just being complete. I mean, I know that's... You need to feel complete on your own and blah, blah, blah, blah. But the physical experience of that is what I'm talking about. We need to wish ourselves well.

[28:15]

And that is part of seeing clearly, seeing that you are one. I am one. I'm a part of this, whatever it is. then I wish us well. So whatever, whatever is up for you in this time, Remember, remember that it's going to start getting lighter soon. And remember that there are, there's a lot of things going on. That some wonderful things are going on. I mean, Assad got overthrown.

[29:24]

That was quite a surprise. I think that's what I want to say about this. And I'm hoping that we can have a discussion about it and that you will share how it is for you. I think I want to close the lecture part with just do a short metta loving-kindness meditation. So just close your eyes. And take yourself into your heart. Feel that. And say to yourself, may I be well, happy, at ease.

[30:34]

Breathe into that. May I be joyous and live in safety. Feel that. Now take into your heart someone that you're very close to, maybe concerned about, someone who's ill. Take that person that you love into your heart. Feel that. Breathe into it. Say to that person, May you be well, happy, at ease. Breathe into that. Hold them in your heart and say, may you be joyous and live in safety. Take everyone in this room into your heart.

[31:50]

All of us, don't forget to include yourself. May we be well, happy, at ease. Breathe into it. May we be joyous and live in safety. Pick into your heart somebody or some group of people that are difficult for you. Hold that person or those people in your heart. Feel it. And say to those people, may you be well, happy. at ease breathe into it may you be joyous and live in safety all beings they're all beings in your heart they're all beings

[33:20]

Be well, happy, at ease. Breathe into it. May we be joyous and live in safety, all of us, all around without limit. Now come back to yourself. Take yourself into your heart. May I be well, happy, at ease. May I be joyous and live in safety. Now, open your eyes. Just remember from that place from that place, make the effort to see clearly, to hear clearly, to think clearly.

[34:30]

And we'll see how that goes in the next two years. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[35:05]

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