This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning and welcome. My name is Tova Green. I'm happy to be co-leading this winter practice period with with my Dharma brother, David Zimmerman, and Dharma sister, Wendy Lewis. I'm curious, today, how many of you are here for the one day sitting, participating in the one day sitting? Quite a few. And how many of you are doing that for the first time? Also, a number of you. And how many of you are here at Zen Center for the very first time this morning? special welcome to you to Beginner's Mind Temple.

[01:02]

I'd like us to take a moment to think about what brought you here this morning on this clear, cool spring day in San Francisco. I also want to acknowledge that people may be watching this talk from places around the world where it could be autumn or it could be some other time of day. And welcome to all of you as well. So, you know, it's Saturday morning. Some of you may have been working all week or going to school. What kind of week was it for you? And what brought you here this morning? You know, I think all of us are affected by events in our country and the world. and challenging things may be happening in our lives with our friends or in our own inner worlds.

[02:09]

And coming to this place, Beginner's Mind Temple, whether it's for the first time or whether you come regularly or whether you live here, it can be a place of engagement and a place of refuge. The theme of my talk today is the courage to be present. And I think that applies to those of us who are spending the day sitting silently for the most part as we meditate, sitting and walking, as we eat our meals, as we work, just being present moment by moment. But I think it applies to everyone in the room. It takes courage to be present. And I'm going to talk a little about the relationship between meditation and courage in my talk today.

[03:26]

Courage is not only about taking action in our lives, whether that action be involved in courage. Courage has to do with fear, usually, doing something that we may be afraid of doing. And that can come up in facing some of the dilemmas, questions. in our lives, in trying to have a conversation with someone that may be a difficult conversation. It can have to do with doing something that is scary to us on a bicycle or in some other kind of athletic activity, or it can have to do with speaking out about some of the things we see going on in the world that are troubling to us. I know many I meet with an online small group once a week, and we were talking about some of the ways we're inspired by the students in Florida and around the country who are speaking up about gun control and learning at a young age how to hold rallies and organize and lobby skills that will be with them for the rest of their lives.

[04:52]

And sometimes hearing about other people's acts of courage can inspire us and encourage us. The root of that word, courage, comes from cur or heart in French. And how can we take heart in times that are difficult for us? And that can include things that can come up on the meditation cushion as we're sitting today. How do you stay with a difficult, sensation or a difficult emotion or thought as you're sitting. So just to give this talk a little wider context, David and Wendy and I are co-leading our winter practice period at City Center. It's a nine-week period with a greater focus on practice and study.

[05:53]

And some people come to live in the building for that practice period. Some people commute and participate as they continue to live their lives at work and at home with families. And others are participating in the practice period online. So there are several ways people can participate. We're studying the six paramitas, or six ways, sometimes called the six perfections, qualities we can develop in ourselves that can help us meet the challenges of our lives. And those six are dhana, which is generosity, shila, or ethical conduct, kashanti, which is... called patience, tolerance, steadfastness, forbearance, virya, or energy, jhana, which is meditation, and prajna, which is wisdom.

[07:01]

They're all interconnected. But today my talk is related to the fourth paramita, energy. And energy and courage are very closely connected. So the word in Sanskrit is virya. And virya derives from an early Aryan root, which is the same root as in virility. And often we think of energy as kind of power, the power of the warrior. sometimes related to physical strength. And the Buddha is often held up as an exemplar of energy and courage, starting probably earlier in his life, but in particular the story of his sitting under the Bodhi tree.

[08:08]

And the last night before he woke up awakened, became enlightened with the morning star, he was visited by Mara, who tried to distract him and frighten him with images of desire and demons that were scary, and the Buddha just touched the earth and sat. And that is often, we think of that as an example of courage and steadfastness when we're meeting difficulties in our lives. I wonder how many of you saw the Black Panther this week?

[09:09]

I was fortunate to be able to see the Black Panther. And the hero of That film, The Young King T'Challa, has tremendous physical energy. And also in the course of the film, he developed a different kind of power, a different kind of energy, the ability to listen and an openness to changing his point of view, to think of the well-being not only of his country, Wakanda, but of people who were struggling in other parts of the world. And I think for me the movie raised the question of what is the best way or a good way to empower people who have not had access to their full power. So that energy can be thought of in many ways.

[10:10]

Physical energy, emotional energy, spiritual energy. And we often talk of having run out of energy or replenishing our energy. Sometimes we feel our energy is higher than other times. And it's, I think, helpful to reflect on what contributes to that. What do we need in order to feel energized and able to be active in our lives and do the things that are important to us to do. So courage, I'm coming back to courage, is a fundamental component of practicing with virya, or energy. We've been using a book by Dale Wright called The Six Perfections, and he talks about courage as the capacity to put oneself on the line.

[11:15]

even in the face of humiliation or danger to oneself, to face fear, to stand one's ground. And sometimes we find, when we face things we fear, that we find courage we didn't know we had. And fear can come up around so many things. It may have to do with facing an illness, facing loss of a job, loss of a sense of direction or purpose. It may have to do with a physical threat of injury or death. Fear may arise when we're alone or it may come up when we're with others. It can come up around speaking, speaking our truth, speaking in public. It's said giving a Dharma talk is one of the most Fear producing things for people in this practice that we have here.

[12:23]

And I can say that I'm not immune to it. Fear can come up around letting go of a cherished idea or when making a difficult decision. Sometimes it's very scary to do something for the first time. to perhaps for those of you who are here for the first time to enter this building, to, you know, experience meditation instruction may seem very foreign. Or for those who are doing the first one-day sitting, it may have been scary to sign up. Am I ready for this? You know, is this going to, can I handle this all day? Or for those of you who are new to the, to Orioki, to the way we, eaten the zendo. You know, are you going to make a mistake? And of course we all do and nothing terrible happens. But those are things that we may be frightened about.

[13:29]

And often in facing a new situation we can draw upon the strengths of others to sustain our energy. I mean in the zendo we may feel the support and presence of everyone else sitting and that can help sustain us through the day or even in one period of zazen. And sometimes when I sit in the zendo, I just feel the presence of people who've sat in that zendo before me for decades. And I find that very encouraging. I wanted to share a friend who told me about... the way people in his life who weren't there were able to help him in a time when he was afraid. He was doing his first three-day vision quest in the desert. So on a vision quest, often you may start with a group, but you spend part of the time solo.

[14:35]

And during that part of the time, you're fasting, so there's no food, you're in the desert, it's nighttime. You hear sounds, you don't know what they are. And so he was very frightened. And what he did was he found some rocks and gathered them up. And he had one rock represent his father. Another rock was his partner. A third rock was a very good friend. Another one was a teacher who he respected. And when he felt... his fear get intense, he would pick up one of the rocks and just feel the support of that person who wasn't there, but was there in his heart, in his mind, and his fear abated. And similarly, sometimes stories of others who have been courageous can inspire us and encourage us in our own lives.

[15:40]

So I wanted to share a story today from a collection of a hundred stories of women teachers. It's called The Hidden Lamp, and each one has a commentary by a contemporary woman teacher. And I like to share stories from The Hidden Lamp, partly because we have several koan collections, teaching stories, mostly about men, ancestors who lived in China, who were, you know, very inspiring and I'm not saying we shouldn't study those stories and it's nice to have a collection of stories about women from the time of the Buddha to the present who were also great teachers and I very much appreciate the two women who found those stories and put the book together Sue Moon and Florence Kaplow they're both Zen priests and

[16:42]

did a lot of research to find these stories. So this is a story about a young woman named Okashi and how she faced her fear. And the commentary is by my Dharma sister, Judith Randall, who now is a resident at the Insight Retreat Center in Santa Cruz. She was at Zen Center for many years. I'm just gonna wait for the siren and hope that whoever it is gets there on time. Okay. So this is the story of Okashi. Okashi sold herself to a brothel to support her impoverished family after her samurai father lost his position. She served diligently and became a poet and calligrapher.

[17:46]

But she was plagued by sadness for her former life. I imagine she missed her family and the way of life that she'd had before. Later, she met Hakuin, who was a great teacher. So this happened about 300 years ago. Hakuin lived from 1689 to 1769. And Hakuin... on meeting her, advised her that enlightenment was possible in any circumstance. He gave her the koan, who is it that does this work? So we might ask ourselves this question, who is it that does what we're doing, that does our, who is it who's sitting here right now? So Okashi was terrified by lightning, and one day during a violent thunderstorm, she decided to sit zazen on the veranda of the brothel in order to face her fear.

[18:50]

A bolt of lightning struck the ground right in front of her. She fainted, and when she woke up, she saw the world in an entirely new way. And later, Hakowen certified her enlightenment. So by facing her fear of the lightning... something shifted inside her, and she woke up. She was eventually ransomed from the brothel by one of her patrons, whose name was Iso, and they were married. Later, with Iso's permission, she became a nun and was renowned for her wisdom and compassion. After Okashi's death, instead of making the customary memorial tablet, Iso had a statue of Kanon, It's the Bodhisattva of Compassion, also called Quan Yin, carved in Ohashi's likeness and donated it to Hakuin's temple.

[19:53]

So that's the story of Okashi. And Judith Randall's commentary kind of fleshes out what it must have been like for Okashi to leave home and to make the decision to go to the brothel Judith said, Okashi sold the only thing she had. Strong and courageous, she did what needed to be done. Valuing her family's well-being above her own, she entered into an impossible solution. Her generosity flowed out over her fear. Generosity is another one of the paramitas, a quality that we also can develop in our lives. What must it have been like to have the idea, to give away her body, her very life, to tell her family and then to leave them, not knowing if she would ever see them again?

[20:57]

Imagine the arrangements she had to make, the first customer. Practicing renunciation, she was already on the bodhisattva path, the path to awakening. And then Judith comments on her meeting with Hakuin. Her chances of meeting Hakuin, a great Zen teacher of the time, were extremely rare. He told her enlightenment is possible in any circumstances, even in a brothel, in any moment, right here, right now. And later, she intentionally sat Zazen in the midst of her terror of lightning. she offered herself to the experience, letting go of control over the outcome. Yielding to the unknown, she gave over, not relying on anything fiercely determined. When the lightning struck, she had no thought, no reaction, no feeling.

[22:03]

She fainted, and upon awakening, saw the world in an entirely new way. Did she think she had died? Judith asks, in a sense she had. Okashi's life says, see the fear. Just say yes and see what happens. Fearlessness is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to walk into it. Her life says, when our circumstances look impossible or terrifying, there is a way. It may look like the way is even more impossible than the circumstances, but if we step into it with eyes and heart open, something will be revealed. So we don't necessarily know when we face something that we're frightened of. What will happen, we can't know.

[23:04]

But we face it anyway and try to be present with what emerges with what we encounter. So you might think about what situations you're facing in your life where there's an element of the unknown, where you may be making a decision about something, or where you're in a relationship with a friend or a loved one who is suffering in some way. and you wonder how to be present with that person. Or you may be needing to make a difficult choice or decision around work. So many things. Or perhaps facing an illness or your own or a loved one's.

[24:06]

Where do you find your courage in those moments. And when do you... I would say where do you find the courage? We were having a conversation in our online group last night about the third paramita, patience and tolerance, it's sometimes called. And, you know, sometimes when we're, you know, practicing patience can be extremely difficult sometimes, particularly when there's a situation that we're aware of that seems unjust or where we're... hearing something that someone is speaking that we disagree with, where is the place where we step out of that patience and do or say something and where our energy leads us to do something

[25:41]

that we might be afraid of doing, but where we feel, in a way, it's the only choice we have. We can't just sit and watch or sit and listen. I think those moments can be very challenging in our lives and yet very meaningful. I'm thinking about... Sometimes it's difficult to speak up or to... share a personal truth because we don't necessarily know how it will be received and whether it would be beneficial for us or for whoever we're thinking of sharing it with.

[27:01]

And I'm Excuse me for taking a moment to gather my thoughts. There's something I had thought about sharing and then I thought it might be kind of not on track with this talk today, but I think I will share it. And it has to do with our affinity group, Queer Dharma, which meets here once a month and recently celebrated its eighth birthday or anniversary. And initially, you know, when another student and I started this group at Zen Center, this version of it, there have been earlier queer Dharma groups in the Buddhist community, and there are other groups for people who are LGBT in San Francisco.

[28:06]

This is the one at Zen Center. And I wasn't sure... what the value, what the meaning of it would be. And when we started it, Dagon Gaither, who was a resident, and I started this version of the group, and it seemed from the start that it was an important place for people who identify as LGBTIQ. And having that place at Zen Center was in some ways a Dharma gate for people who felt that coming to a group with other people who identified in that way, as they did, was a safer way to enter a Sangha as large as this and as sometimes, you know,

[29:15]

especially people who were new to Zen practice. And the group has thrived, I would say, over the years. And we have now many other... It wasn't the first affinity group. The first one we call these affinity groups was Meditation and Recovery, which is also a really... That group has been going on for about 15 years, if not longer. And it's also a real haven for people who want to bring together 12-step work and meditation. Then we started Young Urban Zen, which is a group for people in their 20s and 30s and very powerful and another way that some people were introduced to Zen practice. Recently, we've revived our Zen and Espanol group.

[30:18]

And there's a new group starting for people who speak Chinese. And we have a group that meets once a month called Unpacking Whiteness for white people who want to explore our conditioning around being white. And I think coming to any of these groups is a way of... of finding support, finding encouragement, and then often it's easier to feel part of the wider Sangha. And some people who have started in some of these groups have later become residents or are very involved in Zen Center, members of our Saturday Sangha, a volunteer group, So they are all what I would consider Dharma Gates.

[31:19]

And I think in our effort at Zen Center to be more inclusive and welcoming, these groups may be a way to begin doing that. And... So tying that back into courage and the courage to be present, there's another story that I would like to tell that is also in The Hidden Lamp. It's the story of Senju and her... Senju and her soul are separated, or which is the true Senjo. And this is based on a Japanese folk tale.

[32:22]

It's a story that takes place in a small village near a river in Japan. And Senjo, at the beginning of the story, is a young girl who plays with her cousin Osho quite a bit. And... Senjo's father, who sees them playing together and really enjoying each other's company, says to them, oh, someday you're going to be married. And they grow older. And then when Senjo becomes a teenager, her father promises her hand in marriage to someone else. And Osho is extremely upset. And at night... He gets into his boat and starts off down the river. And before he's gone very far, he hears footsteps on the path. And Senjo emerges and jumps into the boat with him, and they travel and go to another city where they settle.

[33:29]

And they have one child, and then they have a second child. And Senjo begins to think about her family and wants to go back and... introduce her children to her parents. So Osho agrees and they get in the boat and go back. And Osho says when they arrive, I'll go and tell your parents that you're here. Why don't you just wait by the boat? So he goes and knocks on the door and Senjo's father opens the door and is really surprised to see him. And he says, well, I'm here because I wanted first to apologize because I left and your daughter came with me. And since then, we've had two children. We were really happy and we wanted to see you again. And Senjo's father said, what do you mean? Ever since you left, Senjo's been here in bed, ill the whole time.

[34:31]

And just then... Senjo emerges from her bedroom looking very pale, and Senjo comes up from the boat with her children, and the two Senjos see each other and become one. That's the story. And what does it mean? You know, which is the true Senjo? And I think the commentary on that story was written by Linda Cutts, who's my teacher. And there are many things she says about it, but one is that often when we leave part of ourself behind, we don't feel whole. And that can happen in many ways in our lives. You know, we might, just to use the example of being...

[35:34]

we may not talk about our identity at work and even pretend that we have a partner or a partner of the opposite gender if we don't, in order to, because we may not feel safe in revealing that. And any time we leave part of ourselves out of a significant experience. We don't have our full energy. We don't have our full capacity to meet life in that moment. And so I think that is one of the reasons why, for me, having a queer Dharma group here is so valuable. And it's a place where I can feel my full self, not that I'm not my full self at other times, but it's just very, it's affirming and empowering to have that space that happens once a month.

[36:46]

And you may reflect on your own lives, whether there are parts of yourself that aren't being expressed in this time in your life for whatever reason. And is there a way to connect with that other senjo. So I want to end with a story that's embedded in a poem. This is a story that may be familiar to you, and it's in a poem by Ellen Bass, a contemporary poet who lives in Santa Cruz. The poem is called Relax. And I'm only going to read part of it. It's a very... I'll read the part that has to do with the Buddhist story. But the poem starts out with a litany of bad things that are going to happen and ends with the story.

[37:51]

There's a Buddhist story of a woman chased by a tiger. When she comes to a cliff... She sees a sturdy vine and climbs halfway down. But there's also a tiger below, and two mice, one white, one black, scurry out and begin to gnaw at the vine. At this point, she notices a wild strawberry growing from a crevice. She looks up, down, at the mice. Then she eats the strawberry. So here's the view, the breeze, the pulse in your throat. Your wallet will be stolen. You'll get fat, slip on the bathroom tiles of a foreign hotel and crack your hip. You'll be lonely. Oh, taste how sweet and tart the red juice is, how the tiny seeds crunch between your teeth.

[38:55]

So as you leave here today, whether you're going back to the Zendo or out into the city, I hope you'll be aware of what gives you energy, what gives you courage, and may you enjoy the strawberries that you find metaphorically throughout the day. Thank you very much. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[39:53]

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