This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So the theme behind the practice period that we're in the midst of the Zen way, the theme behind it, Dogen Zenji's... Gyoji, continuous practice. And what he presents in continuous practice is aspiration, practice, awakening, and nirvana as a continuous cycle. And of course, in the last couple of weeks, we've mastered aspiration along with intention and vow. In the Monday night class, you know, I hand out as contemplations and things to discover in your practice essays from Zen Mind Beginner's Mind.

[01:19]

And last Monday we were talking about this particular sentence. Teaching which does not sound as if it is forcing something on you is not true teaching. Teaching, it does not sound as if it's forcing something on you, is not true teaching. I was reading through this, you know, this essay by Suzuki Roshi, and as I was going along thinking, oh, beautiful, what a nice dharma, what a, Why is Dharma? And then I came across this sense and I thought, wait a minute. Forcing? Teaching which does not sound as if it's forcing something on you. There's an interesting way when things are going in a way that we're comfortable of or approving of or expecting.

[02:29]

There's a way in which we can just glide over it or glide through it. And then something comes along and, okay, that's not what I expected. That's not what I think it should be said. So that word caught my interest. As some of you know, I often say, what does practice ask of you? As if to say, well, it's just asking. And then you can decide whether you want to respond or not. Or how you want to respond. There's a much more option in it than the word forcing. I was thinking of the word forcing and the word should. That way the admonition of practice can formulate within us as should.

[03:39]

And how should can be and sometimes should draws us into yes I will. Something in us opens and responds to the request. Yes I will. You know, in our formal ceremonies, often you're asked a question several times. Will you do this? Yes, I will. Will you do it? Yes, I will. Will you do it? Yes, I will. In contrast to should as, yes, I should do that. But even as we say it to ourselves, something in us is already saying, yeah, but... Maybe later. And then sometimes we carry it even further. And because it's a wonderful idea, we notice when others are doing it or not.

[04:48]

Or actually, mostly we notice when they're not doing it. And we think, hmm, you should be doing that. within ourselves it can set up a complication. It's almost like it gets entangled with our own self-criticism. I should really do that. both words, if we let them be something that helps us to wake up, you know, like when I read the word force, it sort of woke me up a little. Hmm.

[05:49]

Wait a minute. Force? In how that way what's happening, you know, whether it's a momentary experience when we attend to it. When I was doing Keen Hin in the Zendo this morning, as I lifted my foot, I had the thought, and I should say to her, and then as I noticed it, it was like, now, am I going to say that wonderful thing that I should say to her right now? Or am I just going to attend to placing my foot on the floor. Just that way, when we're in the moment like that, there's a choice. There's an end. And I placed my foot on the floor.

[06:53]

And it was almost like of loss of not being able to say to myself that wonderful thing I should say. But something in seeing the difference, you know, like following the inclination of our own mechanisms, our own internal habits and dramas. Or just responding to awareness in the moment. And then we can get that close. Should... Isn't so complicated. It's really quite simple. But we can also respond from the request of practice.

[08:07]

Like when we find ourselves in an adamant state of mind. Or sometimes when we find ourselves pushing against something. What does practice ask of me? Towards the end of one book of koans, the book of serenity, a monk asks the teacher, and it's a more complicated question than just what does practice ask of me, but it really, in a way, it's the same question. And the monk asks the teacher, well, after all of your years of practice, what do you do? And the teacher just says, I stay close to that question. What is appropriate response? So what is it to stay close to?

[09:18]

What is appropriate response? What helps us? I think sometimes in our practice, when the mind is settled, the environment is more or less acceptable, or maybe more acceptable. Both our impulse to respond in appropriate way, in a way that brings awareness to the moment, is closer at hand. But it's interesting because in this teaching, in this sentence, the teaching that does not sound as if it's forcing something on you. That way, when we get in a moment where we open up to the request, even though we're not settled, even though it's not a conducive environment, it's not serene and resonant,

[10:33]

with the finer points of practice. Can we meet that moment? About a week ago, I was in my apartment and I could hear the couple upstairs arguing. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could hear the tone, the adamant tone of the voices. And it was so instructive. It was like I could hear the emotion. I could hear the adamant declaration of this is reality. No, it's not. This is reality. That way something in us is negotiating and trying to discover reality.

[11:40]

And then the way in which we can invest so thoroughly in that creation. And then can there be a radical honesty that allows in some experience that confines or assertion, and makes its own declaration and says, this is what is. Whether that pleases you or displeases you, whether you think you're ready for it, or whether you're calm and relaxed and flexible and open, or whether you're agitated and distressed, this is reality. And how when we, in that moment, it can feel like something's being forced on us.

[12:44]

Something's being asserted against our will. And I think I had a much lesser version just in reading the word force. when I read this sentence in the class, I said, well, maybe you could start by, if the word force is unacceptable, substituting the word that you would find acceptable. Teaching which does not sound as if it challenges something is not a true teaching. It does not sound more reasonable challenge sounds like a appropriate expression. And in some ways to find your own language, to find your own voice that then you can thoroughly and completely commit to.

[13:57]

That's the expression of the Dharma that resonates with my being, that resonates with my vow and aspiration. Okay, live it thoroughly. Follow it all the way to the bottom. But then also, step out of your own comfort zone or to step out of your own sense of appropriateness. Kind of like a more radical step. Can you listen to what someone's saying to you even when you don't want to? Even when you don't agree with it? Even when just to hear it

[15:01]

is kind of disturbing and makes you want to interrupt and say how it is for you? Can you pause and let it be hard? Can it be an invitation to expand the boundaries of your own world? or the definitions or understandings of your own world. And when you try that on, is there a kind of... Is something holding back? Sometimes we do something like we're holding our breath. If someone's saying something we don't like or don't agree with, sometimes we're already creating the rebuttal as we hear them saying it.

[16:12]

Here's how I'm going to answer that. Here's what's really happening. And we can do that with the admonitions of the teachings. We're reluctantly listening. reluctantly hearing what they're asking. And we're sort of meeting it. And then we return to something more accommodating to our usual way of being, our usual way of thinking, our usual way of feeling. But even that's pretty good. Even that tweaks us enough to help us start to see something. I don't particularly like the word forcing.

[17:16]

It feels a little forced. On the weekend I was helping to teach a yoga workshop. Often what happens when we do yoga is that there's certain stretches, certain ways of engaging the body and opening the body that work well for us. Usually it means we're already a little bit limber or flexible in that way. And then left to our own devices, we're inclined to do the asanas that work well for that. If you have a flexible back, inclined to do backbands or other asanas that work for the back.

[18:30]

However, in just the mechanics of our body, If you enhance your flexibility in one way and neglect your flexibility in almost like the counter pose that brings balance to your being, something loses its balance and actually the structure of your being is in jeopardy. And similarly in our practice, we are inclined to attend to the aspects of practice that usually we have a talent for. If you like to be quiet often,

[19:39]

going to the Zen Do is an attractive aspect of practice. Or if you like to be active and work, the work part is attractive. And the challenge for us is to watch and be skillful. to lean into the uncomfortable, to do the asana that you don't like, to do the part of the schedule or part of the practice that you'd rather put off. And then just, you know, to use the analogy of an asana, a yoga stretch again,

[20:41]

As you stretch, you reach your own limit of your own flexibility. And then there's a discomfort. And you can either tighten around the discomfort or you can pause and bring more awareness and attention to it. And in doing that, invite an opening and a stretching into it. And usually, if we can attend in that way, if we can tolerate the discomfort, if we can move towards it instead of contract away from it, we discover something about opening, about releasing. And then in a broad sense in our practice,

[21:45]

This is the practice of kashanti, the practice of patience. Something comes up in one way or another in our body, in our way of thinking, in our emotions, in interacting with someone else. Can we tolerate the discomfort? Can we be willing to be there with the discomfort? And then, not just willing to let it be there, but to stay there. Like when you reach that point in the asana, where it's starting to be uncomfortable, can you stay there and explore it?

[22:48]

teach what it has to teach. Can you see just how am I tightening or contracting? Is it emotionally? Is it with a fixed attitude or sentiment? They've got it wrong. They should listen to me because it so happens I know the right way to think about this. And then as we stay there and we learn about our own contraction, we start to learn about release. We start to learn about an acceptance in what's happening

[23:48]

and then a release. And in a way, this is Dogen's aspiration, practice, direct experiencing, engaging. And when we allow for that, something releases. And when something really challenges us, And we stay with it. And we let it shift the parameters of how we normally think or feel or act. Some kind of opening happens. And we can see this in little things, like just the way. The mind wants to go with the thought than the awareness of the foot.

[24:53]

And then we can see it in... Sometimes we see it in big things. We have an established habit pattern in our life that actually has quite an influence in how we do things. And something comes along and it says to us, hmm, there's a boundary that you're creating. There's a way of engaging that you're insisting should happen. Can you go beyond it? And that kind of teaching, that kind of admonition, it can feel like in its intensity, in its radical proposition, it's almost like we're being forced.

[25:58]

But the thing to remember is if you remember the image of fishing, catching the fish with the straight hook, you're only forced if you want to be forced. It's like you have to give yourself over to the so-called difficulty. Here's how Suzuki Roshi describes it. Quoting Dogen, first of all, he says, teaching which doesn't sound as if it is forcing something on you is not true teaching. That's Dogen. And then Suzuki Roshi says, the teaching itself is true. and in itself does not force anything on us. But because of our human tendency, we receive the teaching as if something is being forced on us. But whether we feel good or bad, the truth exists.

[27:11]

whether we like it or don't like it. Last week I quoted this koan from Joshu, quoting the Shinshen Ming. The way is without difficulty, just avoid picking and choosing. And I think what I'm saying this evening is, when there is picking and choosing, when it creates its own barriers, its own contractions, its own limitations, rather than pushing against it and letting that be a way to struggle, to open to it, to relate to it, to let it teach us something, even though it's not that comfortable.

[28:30]

And when we do that, something shifts. And even when we don't do it, something in us is starting to see The difference between flowing with the habit and exploring beyond the habit. And even that exploration has its own way of settling us. We've glimpsed the possibility of liberation. starting to get the message, even though we haven't fully enacted it. And just getting the message has a, in the realm of our practice, is a deep encouragement.

[29:55]

It's like we see, oh, it's possible to not just be caught in the same cycle, not to be held in the same patterned existence. There's an alternative to just having an argument, whether it's with your partner, your co-worker, your best friend, or yourself. I saw that couple the next day, you know, and it's kind of interesting moment for me, you know. They seem just fine, you know. But what do we do after we adamantly resist?

[30:57]

How do we step forward and continue our life? And within patience, there's an element of forgiveness. Even when you glimpse it and contract, can that be okay too? Right now, that's how it is. That's what it is, you know. Back to. Can there be that? Can even our own response, maybe we think, I should open to it. I should thoroughly let go.

[32:04]

Maybe. But you did what you did. And that's its own truth too. You cannot have its own affirmation, its own forgiveness. That's continuous practice. You practice with this arising, it creates this arising, it creates this arising. It creates this arising. And each one is a new request. When the monk asks Deshan, you know, well, what do you do? I stay close to the question. Arising after arising. And when we have that, when we can cultivate that, The whole process, you know, because there's something edgy about going to the edge of our own comfort zone, about going beyond our comfort zone.

[33:17]

There's something edgy. And it's very helpful if we can relate to it in this kind of skillful and compassionate way. Engaging the workings of the self in a thoroughgoing process. It's radical. And sometimes there will be openings and sometimes there will be confusion. And sometimes there will be a fearful Recontracting. Okay. All of that. Continuous practice. Okay. What does contracting have to teach me? What's appropriate response to that?

[34:20]

After the argument, what's appropriate response? And of course, in Zazen, we just see this constantly. Your mind wanders, you bring it back. Your mind wanders, you bring it back. Teaching, it doesn't sound as if it's forcing something on you, is not true teaching. The teaching itself is true, and in itself, doesn't force anything upon you. But because of our human tendency, we receive it as if something's being forced on us. But whether we feel good or bad about it, the truth exists. And then all this in an essay about transiency.

[35:33]

That this is not one situation. This is a flow of situations. This is our life. We open. We resist opening. We feel the intensity of contraction. We feel the release of opening. And then, what's happening now? The next moment. The next interaction. The next situation. And as we bring that kind of attitude, no particular moment is

[36:36]

definitive. Okay, that's how this moment went. Let's see how the next moment goes. And this too, that attitude too supports us. even when you have an argument with someone you love, still your life goes on. Hopefully your relationship goes on. That way in which transiency, impermanence, has its own blessings.

[37:39]

then we can let that sink in, you know, even just as an idea. When we can let that whole process sink in. And then we can start to attend to those moments of contraction, you know, with a sense of appreciation. Hmm. Look, I'm really resisting this. What's that about? What's the resistance feel like? What's this tightness or agitation? What has it got to teach? In a more karmic way, it's an affliction. It's a failure. It's something to kind of... either escape from or overpower.

[38:47]

But from a dharmic way, it's its own opportunity to learn. And it's very intimate. Nobody can do it for us. Something in our own being has to cultivate the aspiration. In some very heartfelt way, we have to find a voice that says, yes, I will. And know that that voice that's saying, yes, I will, will have to work with the voice that says, no, I won't. The karmic impulse that contradicts it.

[39:51]

And can we literally make our peace with that? Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to practice with them. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[40:42]

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