As you may have noticed, there are some children here today, making a wonderful, raucous of all sorts of science. Do you want to do another thing for me? Good, thank you. Here's what it is. Could you take this around and show it to the kids? You need to show it to them more closely. You can let them touch it if you like. I'll let this little boy over here.

[01:06]

Let him see him. That little boy really wants to see it. This little boy you got here.

[02:21]

Hold it for a minute. Sorry? Can you hold it up, Sylvie? Why don't you stand up for a second and show it to everybody? You're very good at this. What do you think it is? This? A stone. Sorry? A stone. A stone. What kind of stone? A rock. A rock. How come it's so shiny? Because you guys washed it. Yes, it is kind of clean and shiny, isn't it? Yeah. Maybe it's because it has metal in it? Because it has metal in it? Because it has metal in it. Oh, that's a very good answer.

[03:21]

I think it's metal rock. What do you think it is? It's a metal rock of plastic in it. Plastic in it? Do you really think that? Oh, you're going to joke. Deep down, deep in. One time ago, I heard on the video, these kind of metal rocks have plastic deep down inside of them. Really? Oh, I never heard that before. Any other ideas? Do you have any idea of what it is? I don't know. That's an educated guess. That's pretty good. What do you think? Let's ask this little, what do you think it is?

[04:29]

Iron? What makes you think that? Does it look like it? Have you seen iron before that looks like that? Yes? Let me show you something. Okay. Let that little boy feel it on his foot. So here's what I think it is.

[05:46]

Okay. So here's what I think it is. Can you tell me if you... Somebody gave this to me. I can't remember when, but here's what I think they told me. That this came from outer space. And it was part of a meteorite. And it came, and then when it hit the earth, it got very, very hot, and it kind of melted. And because it had so much iron in it, all different kinds of planets. Exactly. Exactly. And then when it melted, it turned into liquid, and then when it got solid again, it had this beautiful, smooth surface.

[06:48]

Beautiful. So, I heard they have vacuum in here, and this is the vacuum system. What is that it puts? That comes on candles. It puts what? That comes on candles. Really? Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. And then it goes into the sheet and then cracks right down here. What do you think of that story? You know what I think you should do? I think you should take this stone and go and have some tea and make up stories about the life of this stone, where it came from. Oh, oh, oh, maybe, maybe, maybe someone would be a scientist of this stone and make a story of this stone.

[07:59]

You. No. And you are you. You all make stories of it. Everybody makes stories of a story. Yes. Great. Exactly. Yes. And then it changes into plastic. And then it changes back into itself, and then it goes right down, right on this sheet, and then it flies way on this sheet. I think you have a lot of stories to tell. And then it flies right onto this Buddha. Oh. Okay. So you kids...

[09:00]

Your kids can take this down and make up stories about it. And you can draw it. Thank you. So here's a quote from a writer, you'll see why I'm quoting this in a moment, called John O'Donoghue. Childhood is a forest we never recognize while we're in it.

[10:13]

Our minds and imaginations and dreams constantly return there to explore the roots of our personality and presence. try to unravel from the forest of first feelings and first events the secret of the patterns which now have become second nature. Childhood is a forest we never recognize while we're in it. Our minds and imagination and dreams constantly return there to explore the roots of our personality and presence. We try to unravel from the forest of first feelings and first events the secret of the patterns which have now become second nature. It is the forest of first encounters to which we can never return. We have become too used to the world.

[11:17]

Wonder no longer animates us as it did then. There is so much that we can find out about the magic of our being by revisiting memories of first acquaintance. You know, in spiritual practice, there's often an image of returning or rediscovering or revealing. I would say more so than creating something that didn't exist. It's not like we practice and we create something that wasn't there before. It's more we practice and we reveal what was always there.

[12:21]

Zen was, say, our original nature. And then, of course, the obvious question arises is how does that happen? How do we reveal what's always there? You lose your keys and then you find them. And For a few moments you appreciate having your keys, how convenient they are, how inconvenient their absence is. You have an argument with a friend or a partner and then you make up and the relationship is enhanced. Somehow it's more evident what it is and what it offers.

[13:28]

So in an interesting way, this returning is not only a restoration of what originally is, but in an interesting way, it's an enhancement. Our appreciation is deepened. or ripened, it becomes more mature or more full by this disconnection and then this reconnection. So in many ways, the spirit of Buddhism and the spirit of Zen practice is looking at how we separate, how we forget, and discovering how to reconnect. and the experience of connection. And when I read this line by John O'Donoghue, he says, it is the forest of first encounters to which we can never again return.

[14:39]

It made me think of the very name of this temple, you know, Beginner's Mind, and how... that part of the paradigm of Zen practice is that when we're so thoroughly present that we forget the story we have about who we are and what the world is. It's this beginner's mind, this original mind, this childlike naivete, We creates itself. So when I read this line that we could never return, I thought, hmm, I wonder. I wonder is that so? Something in me wants to say, hmm, we can return.

[15:44]

We know as moments. And we know as moments as Dugan Zenji, the finder of this style of Zen practices, To forget the self. And they were so thoroughly and completely the event, the experience. It speaks rather than we speak. And it's interesting in Zen practice, when you have these moments, you know, often they come in the context of meditation. where you're doing an extended sitting and you become available and quiet enough and concentrated enough that the moment has a vibrancy, an authority. It's very interesting because in those moments it's not the sophistication or even the meaningfulness of it, it's

[16:50]

that gives it authority, gives it confirmation. It's the thoroughness of the experience. The thoroughness of the experience says beyond words, this moment is completely itself. prelude to something else. It's not something that needs something to be added to it to be complete. It's just completely what it is. And when it's experienced as such, something in us experiences that will be And I would say, in a magical way, to use John O'Donoghue's imagery, the original mind is tasted, is glimpsed.

[18:06]

So this is one way, you know, and a very significant proposition in Buddhism, this of being settled and clear and engaged enough that something elemental, something beyond the stories we have about it is experienced. But then there's a complement to this, to how this reveals, how this allows for the returning. complement is more entering the realm of the self and waking up. Waking up to what happens in that realm. And here's a poem by Rilke. It says, you see, I want a lot.

[19:10]

Perhaps I want everything. The darkness that comes with every infinite fall and the shivering blaze of every step up. So many live on and want nothing and are raised to the rank of prince by the slippery ease of their light judgments. But what you love to see are faces of those who do work and feel thirst. You love most those who need you as they need it You have not grown old. It is not too late to dive into your increasing depths where life calmly gives out its own secret. You see,

[20:19]

I want a lot. Perhaps I want everything. Buddhism teaches that there's three basic impulses that operate continually throughout our lives. Despite all the other conditioning that's shaping us and molding us and influencing us, there's three basic impulses. And the first impulse is desire. I want a lot. Perhaps I want everything. When I read this this morning, I really remembered a story that I've told many times and still resonates for me. When my son was about three or four, we were having dessert in the back of the dining room, as we do on Friday nights, and there were strawberries.

[21:21]

And he took a bowl and he filled it up with strawberries, you know? And I whispered to him, because, you know, the strawberries, everybody has to get some, and if you take that many, it'll open up. I said, Gerald, that's too much. And he said, I want too much. Who doesn't? Who doesn't want what they want? And who doesn't dislike what they dislike? Or want to avoid what they want to avoid? These basic impulses in our being. The third impulse is the bias of our conditioning.

[22:27]

That this life has conditioned us. We come to it with these, we carry with us the lore, the mythology, from the forest of first feelings and first events. For us, They're magical, they're potent, they're mystical. They're in our bones. You can't not be one or two or three. It goes with the territory of growing up. You can't not have looked at the world with child eyes and child hands. created amazing and wonderful stories. And then the journey of returning includes the ripening of these impulses.

[23:48]

Desire, in its assertion, creates objects of desire. Creates a sense of lacking that only the object of desire can fulfill. It creates a story that here is lacking this object will create the fulfillment that will complete. When it's ripened, then in the ripening comes appreciation for what is. And the trust that The world is not a place of scarcity, a place of lacking, a necessity for longing, that something can be enriched, that can be appreciation, that there isn't a reason for hoarding,

[25:23]

life keeps making an offering. And we can trust that. So this is one aspect of our journey towards returning, towards realization. And then in terms of disliking what we dislike, I remember an old friend of mine saying to me, of his wife of many years, oh, I hate her. What he meant... He's one of those people who's been in analysis for most of his adult life.

[26:26]

Reminds me a little bit of Woody Allen. he was talking of being in touch with the complexity of our human existence, you know, that love and hate are intertwined. Bless you. In our dislike, in our aversion, we're trying to separate from that which causes us difficulty, causes us pain. not knowing, but that very separation creates its own problems. It diminishes, it lessens. And with awareness, when we look at the activity, we learn something about the nature of pain.

[27:29]

We learn something about what's intrinsic in the human life, And we learn something about what compounds our difficulties and our pains and what doesn't. So the rightening of aversion is wisdom. It's learning something about how to live. And then this third part, the bias of our conditioning and what that sets forth. Of course, in one way is as unique as each of our upbringings. And then in another way, it just simply has this simple truth. We were all one, we were all two. We all had these, we all could, this amazing,

[28:35]

forest of first feelings, first impressions. And with our childlike mind who gave it wonderful, magical and mythological stories. I would say that it's helpful as we start to take on the exploration of self and start to plumb the depths of who we are and the biases of our own conditioning that we entertain this kind of idea because this kind of kindliness towards our own bias helps us soften one of the most difficult things for us which is self-criticism self-criticism first strategy will be to blame others

[29:36]

Well, it's my parents. They molded me. They behaved a certain way and I was the recipient of their behavior, of their words, of their thoughts, of their influences. Which is true enough. But there's a way when you undertake this exploration We're asked to take responsibility for who we are. Of course, all these myriad conditions, circumstances, experiences have influenced us, have become part of our conditioning. But the simple truth is, this is who you are. five minutes.

[30:39]

Here's the image I wanted to give us. Norman Fisher, former abbot of Zen Center, wrote a book on the Odyssey. And in it, there's this, what I think of is a very powerful image where Odysseus on his ship goes past the sirens, you know, these enchanted voices. And he sets it up in a very particular way. All the other crew members block their ears. So they can keep the ship going. But what he does, he ties himself to the mast and doesn't block his ears. So he gets to hear the irresistible signs. he gets to experience not only the request of the irresistible, but the inability to give over to it.

[31:51]

And I would say this has something to do with what practice asks of us. Part of the deep challenge of practice is that it's not saying, okay, suppress your conditioning. It's not saying, okay, find a way to ignore it. Just shut off, deny some part of yourself. And it's not saying, okay, you're broken. Do all these strenuous practices and somebody else. No. It's not what it's saying. It's saying right in the middle of your conditioning experience it and discover what it is to be conditioned. And maybe in a way this is the most formidable challenge that human being can have.

[33:03]

But it's not easy to suppress or cut off. But then in another way, we do it all the time. There's a way in which there's what bothers us, what troubles us, what we're going for, like the stone in our shoe. But we just keep walking through our lives. We keep doing what we have to do as best we can. Before we can fully know, before we can take on this part of the journey of returning and revealing, to know, to experience, there's a way in which our rational mind will create its understanding. This is what life is.

[34:08]

This is who I am. This is how to live. This forest of first feelings has an imagery, has a mythology to it, and a consequential emotional, psychological makeup that isn't simply held, recognized, revealed in that world of thinking. We're going to taste it. We're going to come into contact with it. as we contact these deeper aspects of our being. I was struck when I read this poem by Rilke, you know, I want a lot. Perhaps I want everything. You know, to sort of taste the unreasonableness of your desire.

[35:15]

I want. within the throes of that, it's not reasonable. It's just what I want. It's only as we can experience those moments of utter selfishness, of our wanting, of our aversion. primitive and desperate. These are the voices of the sirens, in a way they're irresistible. And as we experience them, we learn something about the nature of desire, and we learn something about the nature of how we construe it in the context of our life. So I asked myself, what enables this wiping?

[36:28]

And I asked myself, what is this imagery of being tied to the mast, but open to the irresistible experience? Does that mean there's a great tension between your conditioning and the discipline of practice? Is that it? To experience this kind of like force of being pulled in two directions at once? I don't think that's it. But I also don't think there's... and orderly resolution to the dilemma.

[37:32]

I think it's more like in our diligence, in our discipline, we discover these moments of dropping the self. And they're enormously informative for us. Because it's like they're saying to us, yes, you will hear the signs of the silence. You will hear the irresistible urge. But you know from first-hand experience that that's not the only story about life. But there's another avenue to satisfaction. Other than, these deep voices, these deep impulses and requests that say, I can never be happy unless I get this.

[38:41]

I will never be satisfied, at ease, at peace, unless I can avoid that. In that other motive, Christian has experienced the desperation with which those voices speak and say, perhaps I want everything. Perhaps I hate everyone. Leave me alone. point in my practice where when I would notice aversion, I would label it hate. It's a very interesting thing to do. It sounds rather like the throes of self-criticism.

[39:45]

And certainly that is something to avoid, letting it be that. But just to notice how light traffic can still spark a little aversion. or an uncomfortable physical sensation, your body contracts. Or you're in an uncomfortable interpersonal exchange and something in you is pulling back. You know how deep-seated these impulses are. and to discover, to explore what helps to feel them fully. Not as something that has to be obliterated, suppressed, changed, but as something that teaches us deeply about the human condition.

[40:50]

And as I said before, something in a formidable way that's asking us to Take responsibility for that experience. This experience is happening to me. I am the co-creator of it. Whether or not I can decipher the magic of the forest of my first feelings and first events, it asserts its influence in this way. picks up these basic human impulses and gives them character and story and context. So this, the discipline, the structure that allows us to do this is called sila. Sometimes it's just called ethics, but actually it's a much wider, much more complex notion.

[42:03]

Because it's how we can not be caught in reactive mode. How we can sustain attention. How we can bring forth a discipline. how we can watch how these play out in our behaviors, in our mental and emotional life, and in our body. Because all these realms are relevant. And then what helps us to continue to do this work? To do it in the company of others? You know, some people say, oh, I can never sit alone. But when I come to the Zen center, yeah, it's easy. If I try to sit for 30 minutes in my own living room, after 10 minutes, before I even realize that I'm already up and doing something else, to know something about what works for you, what environment, to explore what is the inner discipline

[43:30]

and diligence, you know? How does intention, how does renewal of intention, sustaining intention, play a role in it? You know something about the yogic cultivation of being tuned into those behaviors, those thoughts, those feelings, those physical sensations. And as we explore these, That's what helps to create the structure to go back to the image of Odysseus, that allows us to hear the irresistible and not just be sucked in and enchanted by it. I would say in my own experience and in guiding and mentoring others, That is a messy business.

[44:33]

I've never met anybody who followed it as a simple A, B, C, D. To me it's much more about trial and error. It's much more about somehow this comes readily and initially this is your best ally. And this is your greatest nemesis. And then as you keep practicing, often they switch roles. Because in the realm that comes easy for you, you tend to become complacent and a little lazy. As you keep meeting the area that's difficult for you, you discover something very deep. That's why it's difficult. because there's something very deep there. Some deep challenge that's hard to get in touch with. And certainly as you continue your practice, it's often not so useful to be engaging too much about progress.

[45:46]

Sometimes something has turned you towards your nemesis. And in conventional terms, it looks like You are a failure. You just can't get it right. You're a little bit lost or a lot lost. Or you think, I should really be doing this and you just don't seem to be able to do it. So your conventional mind says, oh, I'm not succeeding. Sometimes there's amazing rich learning. The patience of conditioned existence. The exploration of, for you, what goes below your cognitive mind. Your own sense of accomplishment and failure.

[46:49]

something about being willing to undertake this journey of discovering what we've always had. To not be too sure what constitutes success or failure. Or to not be too sure exactly what how it will move forward and unfold. The more to come at it, like a child comes at its life. That you get handed a shiny stone and all of a sudden you're jumping all over the room making up amazing stories.

[48:06]

I think we're all doing that all the time, except because we're adults, we try not to let it show. And then how amazing to sit down and to sit upright and to pay attention and let that in that very process of being alive of these impulses, of all the conditioning of our nature, of our human life, display themselves. And to let them be felt and listened to as deeply as possible. To connect rather than separate. This is the deep request of Zaza. It's not about manufacturing a particular result. It's about deeply cultivating a deep willingness and then actualizing it to connect to what is.

[49:19]

Thank you. May our invention Equally extend through every being and place. Amen.

[50:22]

Amen.

[50:22]

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