This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. So tonight I'd like to talk about equanimity and composure. When I realized it was coming up time for me to give this talk, composure was the word that arose just immediately. And I thought, oh yeah, at this time of year when there's so much transition and change, we just finished work period, we just started the guest season, composure can seem a little less stable, certainly than it does during the practice period, which we ended just about a month ago. There's mind waves and body waves and activity waves that can feel all kinds of different ways.

[01:08]

So I thought that would be a good thing to talk about. I think partly, too, because a few people have commented to me, oh, you seem very calm or very present. And for me, it feels less so than usual. But then I also thought... I think when we're calm or present, we don't often notice it. It's something that other people notice in us, but we don't necessarily notice in ourselves. I remember years ago, Leslie, who's not here tonight, so I won't embarrass her, was in the stone office when I was working in there. And I remember something happened with the stage. I've forgotten what it is, but it was something unhappy, probably. It stopped somewhere on the road and it was hot and people were going to be hot and waiting for us to go pick them up. And it wasn't good and I was worried about it. And I told her in some small distress and she just made a little face like, oh, oh yes.

[02:17]

And I thought, oh, Leslie has been here for 30 some odd years. I thought she has literally seen fire and flood and every possible thing go through there. And it was like I could see it go by behind her head. You know, all these things. And she wasn't making light of the fact that people were unhappy. There was none of that. It wasn't like it doesn't matter. It was just that she could see it within the context of everything that had happened. that it would be okay, and having that bigger picture, I was able to completely relax with it and do what needed to be done. So that was very inspiring for me, to see her equanimity, her composure. So I think that's a gift we give each other when we can. So equanimity appears several times on the lists in early Buddhism.

[03:24]

It appears in the four Brahma-viharas, or divine abodes, along with love and kindness, compassion, and sympathetic joy. And it appears on the seven factors of awakening, so these seven factors that are considered necessary to actually awaken. And they are mindfulness, investigation, effort... rapture, tranquility, concentration, and equanimity. And in both cases, equanimity is the last one, the final one, and they're considered to kind of grow toward that. So this peacefulness. And actually, a version of that was what inspired the Buddha to leave home and search for the truth. He had gone out. He was a prince. He had gone out of the palace. He had first seen a sick person, and he'd been very sheltered.

[04:26]

His family had not wanted him to be distressed by the suffering of the world. So he was unfamiliar with sickness, old age, and death. And the first time he went out, he saw a sick person and was just so alarmed. He's like, what's wrong with this person? Well, they're sick. What's that? To be so terribly sick. And that was disturbing to him. And the next time he went out, he saw an old person, so frail, you know, just weak. And that was disturbing to him. And then he saw a dead person. And came to realize for each of these things that that could happen to everyone. This wasn't an anomaly. And it would also happen to him and to his family. This was overwhelming to him. But then the fourth time he went out from the palace, he saw a monk... walking through a charnel ground, through a burial ground, peacefully. And he was so struck by the monk's peace and ease in the midst of suffering that he decided that he would follow that path also.

[05:36]

So I think that must be part of why he placed such emphasis on this quality. But it shows up all throughout Buddhism. Things like, the way is not difficult, just avoid picking and choosing. So going for what we like and avoiding what we don't like. So to have a mind of equanimity that can accept whatever arises. So it's very helpful to have a taste or a feeling for what this quality is and what it's not. It's described as mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or stress. And again, it's easier to recognize it in other people. We often feel our own tension or stress so acutely, even though we may be presenting more calmly to other people.

[06:41]

The word equanimity... in Sanskrit is upeksha, and it literally means to look over. So it arises from the power of observation to be able to see clearly without being caught by what we see, without being so grabbed by it that we lose our perspective. So this calm, self-possession, tranquility, it's also related to the You know, our translation of it, like composure, compose, is to arrange the parts in order to form a whole, often in an artistic way, like a composition, an artistic composition or musical composition. So when we are composed, we are ordered, upright, balanced, aligned, and mind and body are

[07:46]

are in harmony. So developing a taste for that can help us move toward that. It's also said to be freedom from fear, freedom from grasping, freedom from hindrance. Every morning we chant the refuges and one of the lines is free from hindrance and the hindrances are greed, hate and delusion. So just to be free from any impulse toward grasping or greed or wanting things to be other than they are or pushing away or hate or fear or ignoring, denial, just to be free from that is to have a calmer and more spacious mind. But equanimity is not some sort of...

[08:46]

coldness a withdrawal a distance or it's cool but it's not cold cool in the sense of being not hot like not passionate or suffering in that way but not cold not withdrawn actually equanimity can have a great feeling of warmth because there's nothing there's nothing to fear there's nothing to push away So we can actually welcome whatever arises. We can welcome whoever comes and with whatever they bring. The Buddha described a mind filled with equanimity as abundant, exalted, immeasurable, without hostility and without ill will. It's the ground for wisdom and freedom and the protector of love and compassion. So it's the ground for freedom and wisdom.

[09:52]

When we have a mind that is free from, at least even relatively free from judging or comparing, wanting it to be otherwise, feeling not good enough, feeling anxious, feeling agitated, we're in a much better position to see how things actually are and to work with them skillfully. And it's the protector of love and compassion. Because if our love and compassion gets too close, too involved, we can get pulled in. And it can start being about what we want or what we think should happen, what we feel compelled to fix or control or make happen. So I love this notion that equanimity is actually the protector of love and compassion. It helps our love and compassion to ripen and take the broadest view possible so that we can attend to all beings, our self included and the animals and the environment, everything.

[11:01]

Everything. So this is complete acceptance of whatever arises. doesn't mean we like it or judge that it's good and this is another very important distinction is that it's not a judgment of goodness or rightness or okayness it's just an acceptance that it is it just is as it is and then we have the opportunity to work with it and make some choices about it if we first receive accept allow then we can see what needs to happen. Do I need to say something? Do I need to do something? Or is that enough? Just let it be as it is. So every day in the kitchen, the kitchen crew chants sections from the Tenzo Kyokun, Dogen Zenji's instructions to the cook.

[12:15]

Dogen was the founder of our school, of our lineage of Buddhism, one of the founders. And he lived in the 13th century in Japan. And he was very interested in the inseparability of practice and realization. He always talked about it in the same breath, practice realization. So his instructions for the cook... instructions for the Tenzo, who's the head cook, are how to practice in the midst of everyday life. So the Tenzo is one of the traditional officers of the temple, of the monastery, and they have various prescribed duties about how to feed the assembly. In the summer here, of course, the Tenzo feeds everybody, guests and students alike. So it's The instructions are how to practice. They are literally practice instructions, how to relate with what goes on in the life of the Tenzo, which is mostly a life of work.

[13:26]

So it's very much about work practice, and it's very inspiring in that way. So I'd like to discuss a section of that. Dogen says, When preparing the vegetables and the soup ingredients to be cooked... Do not discuss the quantity or quality of these materials which have been obtained from the monastery officers. Just prepare them with sincerity. Most of all, you should avoid getting upset or complaining about the quantity of the food materials. So when Dogen was practicing, there were very difficult times in Japan. It was very... It was a lot of unrest. It was rather like the Dark Ages in Europe. And they often didn't have enough food. There was a lot of famine. And he's saying, don't get upset about the quantity of food. Here we might get upset about, oh, there's so much food, I can't eat it all. I'm eating too much.

[14:27]

This is terrible. Why do you make it so good? Or we might be looking, for the students, you know, we might be looking ahead in line and say, oh, there's just a little bit of that left and it looks so good, I hope it will still be there by the time I get up there. And we actually have a choice about how we relate with that. It's really interesting to notice what we feed in our minds in terms of... agitation or upset or like or dislike, whether it's about food or people or the schedule or what happens or anything. One of the interesting things about equanimity is I think many people think it feels like it should be a good thing. I think I want to be like this.

[15:30]

I think I want to be calm. kind of like it in other people, that actually it seems more interesting to have strong opinions, to like and dislike, to want and not want, and that that's a really significant way that we bond and connect with other people. I hate that, don't you? Oh, yeah, totally. And it's... And I'm not saying this is a good thing or a bad thing because the connection is lovely. And sometimes it's really just venting and letting off steam and that's not necessarily a bad thing. And stuffing it isn't necessarily a good thing. But it's just interesting to watch when we bond with each other around what we like or don't like. What does that lead to? Does that foster states of mind that lead to freedom and calm and ease or does it tend to agitate the mind?

[16:40]

So it's just interesting to watch and to take note and to see if we think that we're being boring or bland or dull if we don't react or if we think that about other people. think when we most notice and appreciate equanimity or calm or composure, it's when we usually react to something and then we have an instance of not reacting to it. And then we can really appreciate it. It's like the headache that's gone away. It's like, this is great. My head doesn't hurt. My knee doesn't hurt. I'm not reacting. I love it. But after a while, if we get used to that, we stop even noticing it. We stop noticing that we're not reactive to things that we used to be reactive to. So it's good to appreciate. So when we practice meeting everything that arises with a full breath, with complete relaxation, with opening, with allowing, when we kind of

[17:54]

lean into whatever rather than pushing it away or grabbing on. It can feel dull or bland, as I mentioned. It can also feel very vulnerable because we're going against our usual ways of reacting. Whatever we're used to, whether it's pleasant or unpleasant, it's familiar. So if we're not doing what we're used to, It can feel unsettling and a little raw and tender and almost uneasy. It's like, who am I if I don't have strong feelings or strong reactions or I know just how this should be? What if I just check things out? What if I just let it arise? Do I know who I am then? And it's okay to not know who you are a little bit. And this is a really good place to be a little vulnerable and a little tender and to try something different.

[19:00]

So Dogen goes on to say, When you prepare food, do not see with ordinary eyes and do not think with ordinary mind. Take up a blade of grass and construct a treasure king's land. Enter into a particle dust and turn the great Dharma wheel. I'll read that again. When you prepare food, do not see with ordinary eyes and do not think with ordinary mind. Take up a blade of grass and construct a treasure king's land. Enter into a particle of dust and turn the great Dharma wheel. So the blade of grass constructing a treasure king's land is a reference to... the world-honored one, who's the Buddha, the world-honored one was walking with the assembly. He pointed to the ground and said, you should build a sanctuary on this spot.

[20:05]

And then Indra, the king of the gods, stuck a blade of grass into the ground and said, the sanctuary is built. We can build the sanctuary on every moment with just a blade of grass. The sanctuary can be built right now. The sanctuary is built right now. So when we take up whatever vegetables or ingredients we have, whether it's the literal leafy green vegetables of the kitchen, in whatever condition they present themselves in, whether they're absolutely beautiful and every leaf is fresh, or whether there's a leaf that's a little wilted. Our life is like this too. People are like this. All things are like this. Can we regard each leaf of our lives, of our being, of others' lives, of others' beings, as a blade of grass that builds a sanctuary on this moment?

[21:13]

When we practice like this, every moment of our life is complete realization. It always is. But when we practice like this, we get to see it. We get to experience it. Dogen says, do not arouse disdainful mind when you prepare a broth of wild grasses. Of course, now wild grasses are really hip. I'm sure they serve them in Brooklyn and Berkeley. But nonetheless, at the time, wild grasses, not hip. Do not arouse disdainful mind when you prepare a broth of wild grasses. Do not arouse a joyful mind when you prepare a fine cream soup. Where there is no discrimination, how can there be distaste? Thus, do not be careless even when you work with poor materials and sustain your efforts even when you have excellent materials.

[22:16]

Again, it's not just the materials in the kitchen, it's the materials of our lives. Don't disdain the materials of your own body and mind and don't disdain others. And similarly, you don't have to put yourself up above others if you think you have a good body and mind to elevate yourself or to think that others, some others are better than others and we prefer others, some others to other others. Never change your attitude according to the materials. If you do, it is like varying your truth when speaking with different people. Then you are not a practitioner of the way. This is the way to turn things while being turned by things. This is the way to turn things while being turned by things. We completely enter into relationship.

[23:22]

with all things, with ourselves, with others. We turn them, we are turned by them. We enter into the dance that is our life, wholly and completely, wholeheartedly, with joyful mind and skillful means. Keep yourself harmonious and wholehearted in this way and do not lose one eye or two eyes. Taking up a green vegetable, turn it into a 16-foot golden body. Take a 16-foot golden body and turn it into a green vegetable leaf. This is miraculous transformation. It is a work of Buddha that benefits sentient beings. So, whether we're doing service in the zendo and making offerings... or making offerings in the kitchen.

[24:22]

It's all the same. It's all offering. No separation. There are some traditional ways to cultivate the development of equanimity. One is to live with virtue or integrity. When we live ethically, morally, we're not plagued by remorse or guilt or doubt. we can feel comfortable because we're comfortable with our behavior and our words. And I think this is one of the reasons that right conduct or ethics or the monastic guidelines are such a foundation of our life together.

[25:35]

It's both supporting the life that we have together and the life that we have with each other, but it also helps us to settle. It's for our own benefit as well as for others. when we feel that we have caused harm to others, we have a hard time being settled. If we're settled, we're probably pushing those feelings away pretty hard. Also, a sense of confidence or faith in the practice, both in the practice itself and in our ability to practice, to show up, to find our feet. within our practice to find our seat. This isn't the faith or conviction of Christianity or other faith-based traditions that are asking you to believe something. It's the confidence that comes of your own practice of testing it out for yourself.

[26:41]

I've tried this. I can see that it works. and I have confidence. When I turn this way I see that my suffering eases and when I turn this way I see that my suffering increases and I become agitated and distressed. I can see that for myself and I'm developing the confidence that I can choose the path that leads me where I want to go. Related to that is a well-trained mind, a disciplined mind. to be able to not be run around by our minds. I mean, we think we're in charge, and yet when we sit down and sit, then we get to see how... Well, it's not clear who's in charge, actually. And that will continue. But letting go of who's in charge, we get to be actually in charge. We get to have some... Our minds become workable in a different way.

[27:44]

So training the mind... to find presence and calm and connection is very helpful. We can cultivate a sense of well-being. A sense of well-being is enormously helpful in developing equanimity. If you're here as a guest, you probably have something of a sense of well-being and you've probably noticed that you're feeling much more equanimous about everything going on in your life just by slowing down. And students may also feel the same thing. And it's actually quite appropriate and helpful to cultivate a sense of well-being. If you try to hold on to it, that will create suffering, which you will get to find out. But to cultivate, to train, to appreciate any moments of well-being, a cup of tea, a moment of ease, smiling at your friend,

[28:45]

appreciating these moments cultivating these moments gives them more attention and the more attention we give them the more they tend to bloom if we ignore them they tend to wither we don't give them proper weight or importance and we don't make time for them we don't attend to them so the more we attend to them the more they come forward We can also be mindful of when equanimity is absent. That's very helpful to notice. If we notice when we're agitated or reactive or unhappy in some way where we're really caught and we can notice the experience of that and settle with it, then we're able to find some freedom. And finally, we can let go of our reactive tendencies.

[29:50]

When we see them, we can begin to let go of them. The more we notice, how do I react? We can choose not to react. And practicing in the body is a great support for that. We can walk 2% slower, just with the very slightest breaking action on. We can walk completely upright, rather than leaning forward and rushing into the next thing. We can let our shoulders settle down. All of these are cues that help our mind and body relax and let go. And the more we relax, the more we find equanimity. It's a very mutually beneficial inner relationship. And finally, just let go of anything extra, including striving for equanimity. So we have a few minutes for questions or comments, if anyone has any.

[30:55]

Poto. There's a phrase at the end of the Tenzo Kyokun that you mentioned about marrying one's truth, depending on who you're talking to. As I hold that in mind, alongside upaya, things get a little cloudy. Can you say more? It seems like the request of Upaya is to change the expression to be appropriate for your audience's ears. Yes. And I could see that being described as changing the truth as you meet different people. I think it might be seen from the outside that way. That I think it is not... I think... The skillful means is expressing the truth, the one truth that you are upholding in a way that the other person can hear.

[32:01]

So it might sound contradictory at different times. But that's just meeting that person at that moment. That's the truth of that moment. That's not, you know, if you were phrasing the most universal truth, it would include all of it. but in that moment it has a particularity which is expressed in a particular way. Yes, that's not saying, oh, that guy, oh, yeah, you're great. That's varying your truth, speaking one way about one person and another way, like being duplicitous or being hypocritical. But that's not the same, in my understanding, that's not the same as meeting someone where they are, trying to help them understand. Yes? Mary?

[33:02]

I've asked this before. I have fear of being bored. I'm afraid that... I mean, I write about films and I teach about films. It's all about, you know, which ones are good and which ones I like. And then what would happen? hard for me to imagine you as a milk toast. Well, I could say a couple things. One is you could try it and see what happens. You could actually see if your fears are well-founded.

[34:04]

And the other is, you know, we get to have our preferences too. I mean, our preferences are just one of the things that arise. So, Yes, I like that movie and I don't like that movie, but do I have to make a big deal out of it? Do I have to climb on my soapbox and identify with liking this movie or identify with not liking that movie? Do I get defensive if someone that I really like doesn't like a movie I like or vice versa? Do I have to defend the movies that I like or can I just be curious about why don't you like that movie? Why do I like this one? Our responses to things are just part of the world. They're no different than green vegetables. So if we can not react to our reactions and just let them be exactly what they are, that's fine.

[35:08]

That's freedom. Maybe one more. We're no more. Okay. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving.

[35:44]

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