Good afternoon, dear friends. Good to see you all again. A thumbs up to make sure my volume is okay. Sound is good. Excellent. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. And once again, it's a joy to be with you all. And thank you for joining today. I really appreciate these times together and how we support and nurture each other in our practice and to really kind of study our our personal and collective selves and our particular karma, and to continue in this process of waking up to our true nature and to our innate freedom, a freedom that's already always here. It's just a matter of us being able to turn to it and really tap into it and recognize that, despite the external conditions that we might be experiencing in some way. For those of you who are new to the thrice weekly practice sessions, I'll just say a little bit about the format.

[02:06]

So we'll begin with the 20-25 minute period of Zazen or silent meditation. I'm actually going to start off the meditation with a little bit of guidance, kind of reading into it for those who might be newer to meditation altogether. And then in time, I'll taper off into silence. And then at 6 o'clock, We'll transition to what I call a Dharmat or a brief Dharmat encouragement. And then we'll open up to discussion in some form or fashion. So I'll say a little bit more of that after our meditation today. I also want to mention that... I'm now hosting just the Tuesday online practice sessions. And by the way, again, you may know this, my name is David Zimmerman. And so I will now focus on the Tuesday practice sessions. Ud Schrader, who's the Abbas of Green Bulge Forum, offers a Sunday night practice session. I believe it's at, I want to say 7, but you know, you better check that online because I'm not so sure.

[03:12]

It could be 5. And then... On Thursdays, there's a variety of different teachers in the San Francisco Zen Center's Suzuki Roshi lineage who are offering to host the space. This coming Thursday, the long-term resident, priest, and teacher, Toby Green, will be here to guide that online practice session. So I hope you'll be interested in joining her for Thursday's session. So without... Further ado, why don't we go ahead and go into our meditation practice together. So I'm going to invite you to find a comfortable seated position, which most of you are already in, focusing again on your spine, making sure there's some sense of uprightness in your spine. That's whether or not you're sitting up or laying down or doing a standing meditation. Also focus on trying to have your chest be open in some way. So open chest and heart.

[04:14]

It sometimes can be a little difficult, depending on what type of rising for us internally and externally. And the traditional form is to rest your hands in your lap, with your left hand resting on your right and creating a little of a circle, cosmic mudra, and just very gently allowing the palm tips to touch. And then draw your chin slightly down and in. feeling the gentle lengthening at the back of your neck and then resting the tongue at the roof of your mouth slightly parting your lips perhaps just relaxed and then taking the breath in gently through the nose and our traditional music up the eyes are slightly open but focus down a couple feet in front of us if uh Depending on where you're sitting, particularly if you're sitting in front of the computer, it may be too distracting to have the screen in front of you, in which case you can close your eyes, but do your best to stay awake.

[05:17]

And I'm going to really ask you, invite you to, throughout the meditation, give yourself over to both the physical and mental posture that's attentive and get relaxed. So I'm going to ring the bell three times to begin and one time to finish. And hopefully Zoom will pick up the sound of the bell. If not, that's fine. Just focus on your present moment experience. And here we go. with that same concentration that you gave to the sound of the bell, I'd like you now to become aware of the body.

[06:36]

Being awareness to the sense of embodiment, grounded in the earth elements, grounded in your being here right now as an embodied being. Allow awareness to come to rest in the felt sense of the immediacy and the aliveness of the body sitting and here now. So the awareness is a knowing of our felt sense. It's not a concept. It's a felt knowing. Allow your whole being to give yourself over to being right here in this present moment. Completely meeting the moment as best you can in an open, receptive, relaxed orientation.

[07:55]

And during this time together, there's nowhere to go. There's nothing you need to accomplish. This is giving ourselves over to being Resting in this self-sensory being right here, right now, in this moment. That's truly a gift to give ourselves the time and space to recognize simply being. The way we can feel that is presencing. Being fully present. with our experience in this moment. Starting again with the grounded body presencing. As you're sitting and being aware of the body, you may also wish to become aware

[09:03]

of the body breathing. Kind of feel the simplicity and the power of life's breath in the body. Receive that captive breath. How to inform us at a deeper level and allow it to be released. That new breath can be received, new nourishment. Can we see it? We're combining this awareness of the groundedness of the body, the awareness of the breath, the spaciousness of the breath, to continue to settle right here, gathering our whole being into this presence. You might notice just as there's spaciousness in the breath, there's quality of spaciousness in awareness itself.

[10:35]

Since it's open, sky-like, receptive. See if you can tune into that quality of awareness in this moment. Receptive. receiving, allowing, opening to. The firmness, place of awareness, experiencing the moment as arising, allowing it to be known, however it's showing up, whether it has sensations, emotions, feelings, body sensations, maybe sounds, smells, sense of taste.

[11:53]

Remember the particular expression and flavor of the present moment. Simply noting that with an open awareness. Exploring what it's like to not try to grab onto the experience. Not getting caught in the content of it. To have no need to reject Making you to experience a way of manipulating it in any way. Simply being aware of what is. And allowing it to reveal itself to you. And to notice the you that's receiving this is vast, open, luminous. So this process is simple.

[13:21]

Relaxing, receiving, allowing, and resting. Continue to rest more deeply into the body, into the hearts, as awareness itself. It's happening now, right here. Whatever's here, whatever's rising and passing is true for you now. It's the direct experience at this moment. Allow yourself to bring an attitude of warmth and kindness to of care and compassion for whatever's here, whatever's true in this moment.

[14:31]

And if for any reason the experience becomes perhaps too intense, then allow yourself to come back to the breath or to the body, to something that helps you to ground right here now. helps you be loaded and resettled. And if it's too much to be with the breath or the body, then maybe focusing on an outward cell. For the rest of the setting, continue the great being with presence, groundedness, open, receptive, direct awareness, direct experience.

[15:34]

and your attention, the stillness of your body, and the gentle flow of the breath, receive the indication to simply be. You're continuing now inside. Thank you, everybody.

[30:26]

Thank you for holding presence and space and an open heart-mind for yourselves and for each other at this time. And I would imagine that you would agree with me that these continue to be tender, challenging, and uncertain times for many of us. You know, despite the glimmer of hope that comes for some in terms of the lifting of certain shelter-in-place restrictions, you know, if we're honest with ourselves, we're not going to be really returning to business as usual anytime soon. And there's also still very much pain and fear and outrage, you know, that many of us are feeling in the face of the ongoing systemic violence targeting communities of color. and particularly the black community. So it's also the fact that many people are coming together, joy in raising their voices and demonstrating for necessary change to the way that our society, that we collectively perpetuate great harm through what the Buddha called the three persons, greed, hate, and illusion.

[31:47]

Sorry. Imagine also that we're all experiencing waves of complex faults and emotions right now. We also recognize that there's more to practice than just sitting on our exotus. Our practice is our whole life, the whole field of our being. Being on our cushion helps us to ground and come back to what's essential in us. to what is most true, to ground in that, to come home to that. And then when we get off our cushions, to go out into our lives and live from that centered, grounded, true place of being. So the question now and always really is, how do we as practitioners meet this moment? meet what's arising now in our experience.

[32:52]

And how does our practice support us as individuals and as a collective in doing the work that's needed to meet the fundamental Buddhist aspiration, and I actually think it's the fundamental aspiration of all true spiritual practice, is to alleviate suffering, alleviating suffering and creating beneficial change. The reality is that circumstances and conditions are always unfolding differently for each of us. And we can't necessarily know the depth of how one person or another person is being impacted by the circumstances, or how they're practicing with those circumstances. And right now, things are made all the more challenging because it's not so easy to have person-to-person connections beyond the portal of electronic devices or the maps.

[34:04]

You know, I really notice how much I miss a deeper expression of people because I can't see their mouths. I can't see the fullness of their face. I have a sense of I'm not being able to get the person at a depth that I would like to because I can't see a fuller expression. And yet we need to try, right? We need to make the effort to do our best to connect. To connect and to hold a space for each other, to hear what the other might be experiencing, to receive it with some measure of acknowledgement and compassion. and then ask, perhaps, if it's appropriate, how can I help? So it's really like, this is something I value about sangha, the opportunity to come together as a group, as a collection of beings who really deeply care about waking up, waking up to the truth and waking up to love, their fundamental beingness, right?

[35:15]

And holding the space of love and compassion and presencing to be with each other. Just being compassionate presence with each other. And recognizing our particular experience as beings in, you know, limited conditioned, harmically conditioned bodies. We can only know our own experience completely. And yet we do our best to be able to see from another person's point of view, what is their view of life? Can we respect that? Can we honor that? And this being able to presence with ourselves as well as others

[36:17]

It requires a quality, openly sent to listening, something you might call deep listening. Deep listening is this formal listening that comes with no agenda. No agenda other than to simply listen and receive another person's experience. Of course, that starts with being able to listen to our own experience. What is this one experiencing right now? What are we feeling? What's coming up for us? be in tune with that, to presence that fully. It then allows us to be more present with another person's experience, so deeply listen to them. And one Dharma teacher said that deep listening involves listening from a deep, receptive, caring place in oneself first, touching that place, and then to deeper and more subtle levels of meaning, attention, when we listen to another person.

[37:20]

I like to say we hear the other person from our heart, from the center of our being, when we are truly, deeply listening. And so a listening that's generous, that's empathetic, that's supportive, accurate, wants to really hear exactly what the person is saying, and also trusting. And trusting here doesn't mean that that you're implying some kind of agreement, but that trust that whatever others say, regardless of how well or poorly it's said, comes from something true in their experience. It's their truth in that moment, in the way that they're expressing it. Can we honor that? We could say, deep listening, yes, that an ongoing practice of suspending our typical self-oriented, kind of reactive, linear of receiving or hearing the world or engaging the world, rather than it's all about us, rather than turning upward and seeing, what does the world have to tell me?

[38:31]

Rather than reacting to it, pushing it away or trying to get more of it, to simply respond to And it's important, great. How can I help? The quality of listening is one of open not knowing, being open to uncertainty, being open to the mystery, and to what's unfamiliar with patience, curiosity. So today I'd like to suggest that we do something a little different. Something that I like to do every now and then in these online practice sessions as a way that how do you all be able to connect a little bit more directly with each other rather than having me yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah all the time.

[39:41]

So what I'm going to suggest today is that we break into small groups to briefly share whatever it is that we're discovering during this particular time about practice. So I'm going to ask Matt to divide us into triads or groups of three. And you're going to have about 12 minutes together, so you'll be able to have about four minutes a person to just share whatever you wish to share right now. Along the lines of the inquiry, the prompt I'm going to ask offered you is what are you meeting right now in your life and how are you practicing with it? What are you practicing with right now and how is that for you? So basically what's coming up for you and how are you meeting it as practice? And as you share, I really want to ask each of you to listen deeply to the other people. Listen from the horror. Listen from the center of the being. Listen from that place of openness.

[40:42]

There's nothing you need to confirm or approve or defend or anything. It's simply opening the space for the other person to wait for their truth and receive it. So after our 12 minutes, we'll come back together. I'm going to ask you to try to keep track of each other's, your time together, four minutes per person. And if we can figure out how I'll have Matt signal the four changing times, that every four minute changing time. And then at the end, Matt will bring us back together and we'll have time to, in the open space, to share if there's anything particularly we'd like to bring forward. I also want to ask at the end of the session as well, take a little bit of time to ask you, what would you, what themes and topics in regard to dorm practice would you like to have me speak to at some point in the future? But first, I want us to have this space to center connect with each other.

[41:47]

So, Matt, will you do your magic and put this into small rooms, small groups, I should say? And you'll get a message that says, you're in a now breakout room so-and-so. Just click on that, accept that. And then what should happen is you'll get a 60-second notice about when the session's about the end. So we'll take a moment as Matt helps us to get into the space. And Matt, please let me know if you can leave anything. Matt says, here we go.

[42:48]

Good joy. So I've asked Matt to bring us all back together.

[57:37]

He said all the rooms will close in 30 seconds, so we'll all come back together in just a moment. There's something magical about where people just pop in and out of existence like this. It's kind of like, it's something. I don't know, it makes me, there's a smile on my face. Yeah, it's magical. Okay, so I think we're all back together. So welcome back, everybody. And I just thought we'd take a few moments. Was there anything in particular that came up for you that you wanted to share kind of with a larger group?

[58:46]

So there's that. I'll put that question out there. And I'm a little aware of the time. We're coming close to our end. And I'm also at the same time going to put a second question out there. You can choose which one you'd like to respond to. Is there anything in particular that you would like me and these practice sessions to speak to directly in terms of practice. So something you're practicing with right now and you're kind of like, I'd like to hear someone speak on that a little bit more. Or just sharing what you're discovering in your own practice or something that you would like, again, me to in the coming weeks speak to. So I think you know how to raise your hand perhaps. Matt will give us instruction. But down below it says participants. You click on that icon and you'll see a list of names and you'll also see raise hand or lower hand option. And so if you raise or lower your hand, then Matt can help identify and unmute you and have you join to share something.

[59:49]

Anyone want to raise their hand? He's put the instruction at the bottom. And I see Ann. Ann Taze. Ann, are you there? There you are. Let's see if we can unmute. Can you unmute yourself for some reason? But unmute. There you go. All right. I can hear you now. Hi there. Hi. I know I talked last week, but I just... Okay, so I'm having... I'm just starting to practice. I'm having difficulty staying focused. But I think that... And I don't know what topic this would come under, but for the first time in my life, I am like... deeply, deeply, deeply disturbed by an outside thing, namely the U.S. government. It's like an elephant in the room for me.

[60:52]

I think it's just making things so much more difficult. Honestly, I was talking to an immigrant, and I actually said to them, well, why did you come here? Because they came from a pretty nice country. That's the first time in my life I've said that about the United States. I mean, I just... When something I think is deeply, deeply upsetting going on around you, and I never have felt it so much, like, what do you do? I don't know. Just other than... I mean, you know... I mean, I'm not an activist. I, you know, I just, but I don't, it's just hard. So how to be with particularly external conditions that are really difficult to accept and be with, you know, because they, some way they're disturbing for us in some way at some level.

[61:53]

And we begin to have questions about what is it that's happening around us and how do we meet the circumstances? Yeah. Yeah. And how to stay grounded in yourself so that you can meet those circumstances. Yes. Because I had plans to write letters and stuff, but I just, I had to be focused enough to be able to do it and not just be upset. Well, thank you for sharing that particular practice endeavor. I'm curious. Thank you. Jackie Heider. Jackie? So, last week, last Tuesday, I came away from our meeting, the Dharmet, feeling really upset and I was angry with you.

[62:54]

I mean, you didn't do anything wrong. But what had happened is that in the morning, I walked with a friend and she's all about dreams. And I had had to dream about many dreams all night about my freezer. And I was obsessed with my freezer and I wanted to take things out and sort it out. And so she, in her analytic way, talked about that, you know, the stuff in the freezer is no good unless it comes out. And those were my deep, dark feelings, you know. So we had that conversation. And then at 5.30, at 6, when you started to talk, you talked about a crisis. And then you talked about a caterpillar going into a cocoon and turning to mush. And invited us. Well, what I heard is that you invited us to... I'm clenching my hands, I notice. But you invited us to... take that step and allow ourselves to move into that place of mushed and not knowing.

[64:01]

And it was just too much after the freezer. And so what I'd like to have us talk about is courage because I got afraid. You know, I felt afraid of this whole mush thing and the whole freezer thing. And I found myself really avoiding sitting. I didn't avoid sitting, but I found myself wanting to, and it was hard to. And how do you walk into those places that you really haven't walked into for a long time, and you're practicing? The practice of courage. Right. Thank you, Jackie, and thank you for being open and sharing what was coming up for you. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. Christian. Hi, David.

[65:07]

Hi there. Nice to see you. You too. I wanted to bring it up, and I feel like Jackie was touching on it, but like... the process, what does the dharma tell us about the process of kind of like becoming polarized? You know, and holding that in the body and what are some methods we can use to work with that? Yeah. Yeah, so I'm curious. I've been looking for kind of like dharma stuff on that. So the experience of being internally polarized or the external and the internal polarization, or we'd say bifurcation or duality. How do we work with that? How do we practice with that in a skillful way? It's always internal in some way. Despite the external conditions arising, how are we experiencing it is always experienced internally.

[66:13]

regardless of whether or not it's an internal or external situation that's arising for us. Right. And kind of speaking to, if you could speak to, it would be interesting if you spoke to how it sneaks up on us, kind of. Like, we're like, oh, what are the views here? And then we go into something and then, you know, three weeks later, we're like, they should absolutely not be doing this. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. like how does that sneak up on us um how does that occur yeah going from just a little bit irritated to be you know out and out you know outraged and say this is this is wrong and how did that happen and you know right yeah great thank you okay thank you and i see uh is it Because Ned does a joke and now I can't get my real name.

[67:15]

So fuss in a cough. You know, I'm fussing. I enjoy listening to you and coming to these sessions because you're so loving. And I'm not loving. Every morning I read the loving kindness, whatever it is, prayer. I've printed it out. enlarged type and I chant it and I would like to be filled with loving kindness the way you seem to be but I'm not when I'm not with this group I'm you know I'm always thinking of what's wrong with the people and how they they're not as perfect as I need them to be so If you can have that as a subject, how to fill yourself up with loving kindness, then I would like that. Okay, I'll add that.

[68:17]

I'll just say one thing in this moment. The very thought, I'm not loving, is a story. It's just a thought. It's just a belief. So if you don't energize that, if you don't get answered, if you don't identify with that thought, with that cloud, you don't make it true. Don't identify with that cloud. So when that thought comes up, I'm not a loving person, don't believe it. Don't believe it. Don't give it energy, right? Okay. Actually focus on something that helps you to be loving, that brings a sense of open-heartedness. So give your attention to that instead. Let go of the story of I'm not loving. Thank you. Thank you for your suggestion. And I see Angela. Thank you. I've been a little challenged with the technology and figuring out how to raise my hand.

[69:22]

I'm just so grateful to be here this evening to join everyone and particularly, David, for your Dharma talk on Sunday. I totally identify with the being undone, being in this kind of liquefied state, not having a strong sense of my exterior self during this time. And just to have you validate that was so helpful. You have no idea how helpful that was. I didn't even really realize that that you know, that this is something one goes through with, you know, meditation, you know. So it was so helpful. And also I shared in the small group that I feel that this is like a really pivotal time for me.

[70:26]

And I've been very actively involved with criminal justice. I've been volunteering in the San Francisco jail for 10 years, close to 10 years, incarcerated women. And of course, I can't go there now, but I just have a very strong intention that I am going to come out stronger, you know, and that I will, you know, that a new experience will appear for me to focus my attentions on. Yeah, I just, and I'm grateful for this practice. Because I have that faith and belief that, you know, that the experience will come to me when it's the right time. And when I am strong enough. And I shared, I'm not ready to go out there and start knocking on doors. And, you know, in the past, I've had ideas about starting nonprofits and doing something with the people because they're released from jail in the middle of the night. And I don't have the energy to do that now.

[71:28]

But, you know, I feel something will present itself. Yeah. I'm looking forward to that. Staying open. Staying open and just being receptive to what makes itself known when it's time. Yes. Yeah, exactly. So thank you so much. Thank you, Angela. I think we have time for one more. And I see Debbie has her hand up. Debbie Cohn? Yes. I'd like to hear you address forgiveness and how to let go. Thank you. Thank you. Great. Well, I appreciate all your contributions, your suggestions. And if you have more, you're welcome to email me at ccabbott.org. And I'd be happy to receive them. And it just helps me.

[72:29]

It's just kind of... be able to offer you something that's alive and responsive to where you're at at this time. And so that would be my wish, that I can be supportive in that way. So, my friends, thank you so much for being together in this way. I really enjoy our time together. I hope you found the kind of different, you know, format of being able to connect with each other in smaller groups. Something that was... helpful. I know not everyone's comfortable with that. You know, people are like, oh, I don't want to talk to other people. But I do also know a lot of people really cherish that. And it's, for them, very nourishing and connecting. So I want to try to be able to make both opportunities available as much as I can. So, okay, please take good care of yourselves. And I look forward to seeing you next week. And Tova Green, who's actually with us, I think she may still be with us tonight.

[73:31]

There she is. I see. We'll be leading Thursday's session. Okay, friends. Thank you. Toby, if you want to stay on for a moment, we can check in. And I'm not sure if Mary is... Mary, are you actually able to, are you still engaged here?

[74:38]

It's hard to say if she's there. So Matt's still on the call. And so I just want to just connect and see if you had any questions about our time together. And I think Barbara will be leading the, hosting the Thursday session. That's correct, Matt? He's muted. Yeah. We might type. I'm not sure if he's still here. Matt, is Barbara meeting on Thursday or are you? Barbara is. Barbara is. Okay. So Barbara will be the Thursday host. Any questions about the format? Me? Yes. No, I wanted to come tonight to see the format. I got hit. You're a couple minutes late, but you were, it was before you started Sassen, I think maybe you were mentioning that I would be coming on Thursday.

[75:44]

No, I love the way you do Sassen instruction. It's really very lovely and a lot. And So I wanted to have a sense of, I know you've done it a couple of times recently. I really appreciate that. And just, no, so it seems like a welcome and opening and maybe overview.

[76:18]

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