This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Here at this temple, we're having an intensive period of meditation and teaching and study. So we're kind of in the midst of a three-week period of intensification of our meditation and teaching practices. I noticed a notice about this intensive...

[01:03]

And the notice said that the intensive was about the authentic practice of the Buddha way. The Buddha way can be described as the way, the path, the practice of studying, thoroughly encountering and enlightening delusion, our own delusion. delusions which are the cause of our suffering.

[02:12]

Another way to put it is that the Buddha way is to study and thoroughly enlighten the afflictions, the suffering which arises from delusion. Buddhas are, well, I imagine that Buddhas, that there are such things, such beings as Buddhas. And I imagine that these Buddhas are very good at benefiting beings, are very good at benefiting many beings. I imagine that there's such a possibility that And those, and I imagine that those beings who are very good at helping suffering beings are very good at studying their own delusion and have enlightened it completely by that study.

[03:24]

Not by their power, but by the power of studying delusion and affliction. So last week I said something, I used a phrase, being authentically deluded. And there's a teaching that all living beings only have, all they've got to work with, really, is deluded karmic consciousness. they often wish they had something else to work with, and they often think that they have something other than delusion to work with. In other words, sentient beings often think that they're not deluded.

[04:29]

Buddhas may think they're not deluded too, but they don't believe that. They study the thought, I'm not deluded. So I proposed last week and again today that the path to the actuality of being able to benefit many beings is the path of authentically actualizing delusion. In actualizing delusion, we realize ultimate truth. Another expression which I used since last week is that ultimate truth is not nothing. We call the ultimate truth in the great vehicle of the Buddha way, we call the ultimate truth sometimes emptiness or voidness or insubstantiality or selflessness.

[05:47]

So the ultimate truth of selflessness is disciplined form. It's not nothing. Selflessness, emptiness is not nothing. It is disciplined form. For example, one form, for example, is delusion. Another example is the affliction that arises from delusion. Ultimate truth is when our afflictions have been thoroughly disciplined. When our delusions are thoroughly disciplined, we realize that they are ultimate truth. You could say we realize that they are ultimate truth, or we could say that we realize the ultimate truth of our delusions. We realize the ultimate truth of our suffering. And realizing the ultimate truth of our delusions, the cause of suffering,

[06:52]

and realizing the ultimate truth of suffering, we realize freedom from delusion and suffering. We are deluded. I am deluded anyway. If I don't thoroughly engage my delusion, if I don't fully encounter it and actualize it, I'm just deluded. I'm deluded. I'm kind of half-heartedly deluded. Most people are half-heartedly deluded, it seems to me. The Buddhas are whole-heartedly deluded. And thereby, by this discipline of whole-heartedly being a sentient being, we can become a Buddha. So I propose the path, the authentic path of Buddhahood is the path of studying and actualizing delusion and thereby benefiting all beings.

[08:28]

Not studying delusion, not encountering our delusions and our afflictions, is the general path of living beings. Living beings are deluded and suffering, but they don't discipline their delusion and suffering much. And this is not benefiting all beings. You could benefit a few beings. It's possible. It's not that if you don't encounter, if I don't encounter my delusion and actualize it, it's not that I can't be any benefit. Because it is of some benefit to demonstrate to people what a mistake it is not to study delusion. So if a deluded being like me does not study my delusion, other people can see, oh, poor guy. He's deluded, but he's not aware of it.

[09:34]

And look what he got into. How sad. Maybe I should study my delusion, even though I can hardly find any. His are obvious. Mine are very subtle. But maybe I have some. So we can be somewhat helpful by walking the path of not encountering and actualizing our delusion. tonight, or today and tonight, there's eight people in this intensive community who will receive some instructions, some teachings, some practices for how to encounter their delusion and affliction to assist them in their wish and

[10:55]

to benefit all beings. The ceremony is to initiate them into the path to Buddhahood, the path of what we call bodhisattva. A bodhisattva is a bodhi means enlightenment and sattva being. It's a being who is on the path of enlightenment. And when And we have a formal ceremony for entering the path and receiving teachings to practice on the path. These beings wish to enter this path in order to do something really good. In other words, to live for the welfare of all beings. They wish to do that and they wish to declare that intention. and receive teachings to practice on this path.

[11:57]

Someone said to me, I'm retired now. I'm retired from my work. And so for the rest of my life, I want to do something really big, something really good. But I want to really be beneficial to many beings. But I have a problem because I don't like people. And not liking people is a problem. But also, liking people is a problem. Nobody has said that to me. I wish to live for the welfare of many people. For many people, I want to devote my life to the benefit of many people, but I have a problem. I like people. I haven't heard that one yet.

[13:14]

But I would say, yeah, that is a problem. And now I would say, if you wish, if you don't like people and you want to benefit many people, then the Buddha way is to encounter your dislike with great compassion. To actualize your dislike authentically. to discipline, to train your dislike or to train with your dislike, to use your dislike as a sharpening stone for your compassion. You can dislike everybody and become a Buddha.

[14:17]

if you practice compassion toward your dislike. And if you like everybody, there are people like that, I suppose. If you discipline your affection for people, if you actualize it thoroughly, discipline it thoroughly, it will become ultimate truth. But if you don't encounter and discipline your likes and dislikes, then you just have affliction, like most people. Then your likes and dislikes will not be the doors to ultimate truth. And you will not be realizing welfare for many or all beings. It seems quite reasonable that if you don't like somebody, not to mention if you don't like anybody, you wouldn't particularly want to look at that all day.

[15:29]

And if you do like people, you might not want to look at that either. You just want to go hang out with these people you like. Wouldn't that be nice if you liked everybody? Then everybody would be like, you'd like that. But you might be overlooking something called the Buddha way. You might be overlooking disciplining your affection, not disciplining like punishing, disciplining like training your affection so that it's completely actualized, so that it's ultimate truth. That means study yourself. But, of course, most people don't like everybody all the time, so most people like a lot of people all the time, but... but they dislike a lot of things about themselves and dislike a lot of things about people, about the world situation.

[16:31]

They dislike. So most people have a variety of afflictions and a variety of delusions, and the Buddha way is to thoroughly meet and actualize them all. If you wish to enter the path of the benefit of all beings and you have no conflicting intentions, that's possible in a given moment. But if you don't find any conflicting intentions, you're probably not looking very carefully at yourself. For example, if you wish to... If you wish to benefit all beings and you don't want to be petty or small, that wish to not be petty and small, if you don't take care of it, will trip you up.

[17:38]

So I might say, don't be afraid of being small, but I will take that back. Won't tell you what not to do. I would say, if smallness comes, totally be small. Totally actualize being small. I'm not telling you to be small. I'm not telling you to be bad. But if bad comes, I'm saying totally encounter it and actualize it. Don't be half-heartedly bad when you're bad, because actually you're not half-heartedly bad when you're bad. You're always 100% what you are. But when what we are seems bad, we want to be just like 10% bad. We're afraid that if we're bad and we would be authentically bad, that we would be worse than we are now. But we can't be worse than we are now.

[18:46]

Now. But we can be half-hearted about how we are. No. No. That's easy for us. It's not easy for us. It's actually painful for us, but we know how to do it. And we're used to it. There's some writings which are attributed to a French person named Montaigne. Michel de Montaigne. And he reflected upon the life of his father. And his father was totally devoted to the welfare of others. And completely, he said, forgot about himself.

[19:50]

And You know, he was such a good and dear person, but he was also miserable and didn't really help anybody much, even though he really wanted to. And Montaigne says that most of the precepts of the world take the course of pushing us out of ourselves and driving us into the marketplace. for the benefit of public society. These precepts, these teachings, to drive us away from ourselves into the marketplace to benefit society are thought to achieve a fine result by diverting and distracting us from ourselves. assuming, and I add this correctly, that we are attached to ourselves only too much and by a natural bond.

[21:07]

So I would agree that we are attached to ourselves too much by a natural bond. So then people say, you should forget about yourself and go into the marketplace, but if you... forget about yourself in the golden marketplace, you just take your attachment to yourself with you, unexamined, unencountered, or partly examined and partly encountered, and you go into the marketplace and promote... Again, it might be somewhat helpful to show people what a mistake your life is. If our ordinary consciousness, our ordinary consciousness is unclear, vague, vast, boundless, giddy.

[22:13]

And giddy means excited or excitable to the point of... distraction and disorientation. We're used to this, actually. This is where we are living. We're living in a disorienting, distracting, unclear state of mind. And we're used to it. Teachings about this mind, teaching a disoriented, distracted mind about itself... And thereby reorienting itself to look at itself is experienced often as disorienting. Reorienting the mind of the deluded to look at the deluded may be experienced as disorienting, discouraging.

[23:21]

At that point, we need further encouragement. which could be in the form of that discouragement is a delusion to encounter thoroughly, actualize, and enlighten. It's not that we can't have delusion. We can have delusions. We do have delusions. That part's taken care of. What we also can have, however, is compassion for these delusions. We can have great compassion for all of our delusions.

[24:22]

Buddhas have great compassion for all delusions, and therefore that Buddhas have great enlightenment about all delusions. We have another expression is the Buddha way is to study yourself. And to study yourself, it isn't that... One way to say it is the Buddha way is to study yourself and the Buddha way is to forget yourself. But don't try to forget yourself. I wouldn't say don't try to forget yourself. Study yourself. And when you study yourself thoroughly... you will forget yourself.

[25:30]

But not because you're trying to forget yourself, because when you study yourself, you will find out that you can't find yourself, which again, if you think about it, could be disorienting. So if someone might say to you, forget about yourself and go help all beings, sounds good. The last part sounds good. Go help all beings. But I'm suggesting now that On behalf of the people in the lineage who suggested this to me, I'm suggesting if you wish to help other people, remember yourself. Be mindful of yourself. All the time, if possible. Train yourself to be able to do it all the time. Remember your posture and your breathing. Remember your thinking. Remember to study yourself.

[26:32]

And you will become free of yourself. Without tampering with yourself at all, you will become free of yourself. And this freedom of yourself will benefit all beings. The freed self will benefit all beings. But the freed self is the self that's thoroughly encountered and disciplined. And again, this thorough encountering and discipline, for those who aren't used to it, is reorienting to the point of feeling very strange, unusual, nauseating, dizzying, spinning us around. We're literally spinning around and looking in the opposite direction. This room is often fully occupied with people sitting still and quiet.

[28:26]

And some people think that when they're in this room sitting still and quiet, they should not be thinking. They think they should not be thinking. They frequently think that they should not be thinking. They think they should not be thinking before they come in, and then they come in here and think that they should not be thinking. And when they notice that they're thinking that they should not be thinking, they might feel kind of bad because they think they're doing what they shouldn't be doing. I'm not telling anybody, really, that they should be thinking. I'm not telling people that they should be thinking. But I am suggesting that almost everybody I've ever met is thinking. There are special states of concentration where the thinking is almost turned off.

[29:33]

There are such states of mind. That also happens when you have an operation and they give you general anesthetic. They kind of turn off your thinking. So that when you're in the... you're not even dreaming. They say, count backwards, you know, 10, 9, and then you're in a recovery room. So in that state of general anesthetic, we actually are not thinking. Or in the dreamless part of our sleep, there's no thinking. And in some yogic states, there's no thinking. Some people think that that's Zen practice or Zen meditation, but I don't agree. Well, maybe it could be a kind of Zen meditation, but the Zen meditation of the Buddha allows that there be thinking. So even in the meditation hall, I'm saying thinking is allowed.

[30:42]

Now, we... We don't let people run around and make a lot of noise, except during special parties. But in fact, whether we allow it or not, people do come in here and think. Right now, there's quite a few people in the room here thinking. And it's allowed. You're allowed to be thinking now. And I think you are. But again, some people come to me and say, well, can I actually think in the zendo during meditation all the time? And I say, yes, you can, but also, yes, you do. Like if you're sitting there and you're sitting upright and you have your eyes looking down at the floor and you're following your breathing, you're thinking. If you think you're in the meditation hall, you're thinking.

[31:43]

If you think you're outside of the meditation hall, you're thinking. It's a kind of unusual thought, but right now, everybody, go ahead, try it. Just say, I'm outside the meditation hall. Just think that. Most of you didn't believe it, but did you try it? Go ahead, try it. Or say it to yourself. Could you think that? You didn't believe it, but you thought it. Now think you're in the meditation hall. Now, did you believe that? If you study either one of those thoroughly, you will enlighten either one of them. So we come in this hall and we think. And so what I'm bringing up now is come in the hall and think. I'm not saying come in the hall and think.

[32:47]

I'm saying come in the hall and notice that you had to think to get into the hall. You have to think to get yourself to your seat. You have to think to assume your meditation posture. And then you continue thinking when you're sitting in meditation. And if you're in your own home or some other meditation hall, I'm saying you're probably thinking. But are you thinking authentically? Are you thinking wholeheartedly? What if you're daydreaming? Are you daydreaming authentically? Are you fully encountering your daydreaming? Are you completely there with your daydreaming? I'm not saying it's not daydreaming. I'm saying if you think it's daydreaming, fine. Then you're daydreaming that you're daydreaming. If you dream that you're not daydreaming, then you're dreaming that you're not daydreaming. If you're dreaming that you're authentically practicing the Buddha way, then you're dreaming that you're authentically practicing the Buddha way. If you think you're practicing poorly, if you think you're a bad Zen student, some Zen students do think they're bad Zen students.

[33:59]

Some Zen students think they're slightly above average Zen students. Some Zen students think they're way above... the people sitting around them. Zen students think a wide variety of things, but they're rarely wholehearted about their thinking. They're rarely thoroughly engaged in their thinking. Even though they've been encouraged for centuries to be thoroughly engaged in what they're doing, a lot of them think, I shouldn't be thinking here, I should stop my thinking. So, I'm trying to encourage everybody to thoroughly engage whatever your current mind is doing. Whatever your current deluded mind is, be that completely.

[35:03]

And I'm saying that that will realize Buddha's enlightenment. In order to thoroughly be what you are right now, you must be very still. You must be very silent. And if what you are right now is a screaming, they say, Mimi, screaming Mimi, is that what you say? If you're having a hysterical fit, it's hard to be silent at that time, but possible. It's hard to be still when you're feeling really hysterical, but possible. And if you can be still and silent with your hysteria and thoroughly, wholeheartedly be hysterical, that's exactly Buddha and not the slightest bit different from Buddha. Buddha does not shrink the hysteria down a tiny bit or a lot or entirely.

[36:11]

Buddha is the full actualization of hysteria when there's hysteria. So we don't say, yeah, come into the meditation hall and be hysterical. We don't say that. But people come into the meditation hall and get hysterical. Not in purpose. It's something that they're given to them. And it's given to them by the causes and conditions of their life. as an opportunity to realize Buddhahood. Everything that's given to us, every moment, each moment, is given to us to see if we can discipline it totally. And the only way to discipline it totally is to be totally compassionate with it. Liking it?

[37:17]

No. Disliking it? No. Welcoming it completely? Yes. Being thoroughly careful with it? Being nonviolent with it? Yes. Being gentle with it? Yes. Being supremely attuned to it? Yes. Being aware of any estrangement from it? Yes. Being calm and quiet with it? Yes. Being completely, deeply, boundlessly compassionate with it is necessary in order to be completely what we are. And this realizes enlightening whatever we are and whatever we are being a door to enlightenment. This is a room where people can come in and be whatever they are and where at least they know theoretically they have nothing else to do in this room but be themselves.

[38:34]

They don't have to rearrange the chairs once they get in their seat. They don't have to answer the telephone. They don't have to be happy. They don't have to be sad. They don't have to like. They don't have to dislike. But if any of that happens, they understand that it's their job to be that way wholeheartedly. Even though I say that, it's still hard to do it because it's total reversal of what we've been taught. We've been taught, be a good girl, be a good boy. Don't think. Do think. Think this way. Think that way. We haven't been taught, study whatever's going on completely. And here's a room for it. Just go in there and study what is happening completely each moment. And not for yourself, but for the enlightenment of all beings. Take care of yourself for the enlightenment of all beings.

[39:37]

Take care of yourself for the enlightenment of all beings. Take care of yourself for the enlightenment of all beings. And find some place where you can feel supported to take care of yourself completely, whatever you are. whatever you are, however you are. I notice in myself that I think this is like supremely wonderful that we could live that way. that the way we must be is ourselves, and accepting that completely is enlightenment and benefiting all beings. We must be ourselves. If we accept that completely, that benefits all being.

[40:39]

And many beings have not heard this, and when they hear it, it's very hard to remember it. I think I've said the same thing over enough time, so you've kind of got it now. And you've got it, and you're going to forget it. And so am I. If I kept going like this long enough, we would all be enlightened. So it's kind of hard to know. I mean, why should I stop? Because I'm just remembering for myself and you what I think is the path of benefiting all beings, the path of enlightenment. But maybe I should stop because maybe you can do it better if I'm quiet.

[41:41]

Maybe you can turn around and study yourself better if I shut up. Because we can't stay in this room forever, can we? So I'm very happy if I get to live a little longer for the opportunity to discipline my delusion and realize ultimate truth by disciplining, actualizing my delusion. And I'm very happy that you have the opportunity to. Last week, I'm sorry I didn't sing. Last week, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[42:44]

No, I'm not. I thought I was sorry, but then I thought, no, I'm not sorry. But this week, I won't deprive you of a song. And I had some good songs to sing, but I forgot them. So I'm going to sing one that I remember. Which I thought, oh yeah, this is, as of your, it's appropriate, this song. I could take a little sip of water beforehand to improve my singing.

[43:49]

There may be trouble ahead. There may be... delusion ahead. So while there's music and moonlight and love and romance, let's face the music and dance before the fiddlers have fled. Before they ask us To pay the bill And while there's still a chance Let's face the music and dance Soon we'll be without the moon Humming a different tune And then

[45:08]

be teardrops to shed. So while there's music and moonlight and love and romance, let's face the music. Let's thoroughly face the music. Let's discipline the music. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information visit

[46:12]

May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[46:20]

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