This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Welcome everyone who arrived today. Such a delight to welcome you to this Sushin retreat. Maybe half of us have been sitting for the past four days, and we're winding up a Zen retreat here, and it's great to celebrate the culmination with all of you just arriving today. Since in our tradition we say that to study the Buddha way is to study the self, that's what we've been doing at this retreat.

[01:21]

What is the self? That's what we study. Our great, beneficent, original teacher, Shakyamuni Buddha taught again and again that what we call this body, this lump of flesh and bones, is not really who we are actually. not really our true self. It's not really our actual identity. And the Buddha taught, if we identify with it as our self, there's going to be trouble.

[02:37]

Because this body is falling apart. It's unreliable. It's a great gift at the same time, and we appreciate it deeply and take good care of it. But we try not to identify with it as who we really are, the Buddha taught, out of his great compassion. Furthermore, the Buddha taught these feelings of pleasant and unpleasant. Moment by moment, there's always some feeling. Some of you just arriving might feel a pleasant feeling of coming out to Green Dolls.

[03:48]

typical summer day, immersed in fog. And you've just been walking around, so your legs might feel quite pleasant. Whereas some people who've been sitting here non-stop for three and a half days might feel some unpleasant sensations in their legs. Or Maybe they've gotten so used to it now that it's just fine. But these pleasant and unpleasant feelings are fine. They come and go. We appreciate them or we take care of them. But they're not really who we are, right? They're just temporary feelings. They're unreliable. If we identify with our feelings of unpleasant or pleasant as who we really are as ourself, then it's going to be rough, the Buddha said.

[05:08]

Also, we have these perceptions and conceptions of the world, like blue and red and hot and cold and loud and quiet. We perceive and label all these perceptions and conceptions and it's essential to our life And yet, if we identify with these conceptions, we won't be able to find true ease, the Buddha says. We can let them come and go, but identifying with them, in other words, feeling that they are myself, the Buddha said, because the Buddha discovered

[06:19]

then share this teaching. If we think they're who we are, then we have some difficulty, more difficulty than if we don't. Moving into the realms of experience that seem more and more like They maybe really are ourself, the Buddha said. What about our habitual tendencies, our karmic formations, our habit patterns? We often feel like, I'm just this stuck person. I'm stuck in my patterns. I'm identified with these patterns. They are who I am, and they're unworkable. These patterns are coming and going.

[07:24]

They are actually workable because they're not who we really are. They're like the stuff of our lives. They're okay. But if we identify with being a lazy person, a distracted person, a really kind person. Any type of unique tendency we might have, if we feel like that's who we are, we get caught. Well, how about consciousness? The mind that knows things outside of itself. That's who we are, isn't it?

[08:27]

The Buddha said, no, no. If we identify with the mind that knows the world outside of itself, even though it might seem like maybe that's who we really are, that dualistic consciousness is not really who we are, the Buddha says. Well, what's left? Form, feelings, perceptions, formations, consciousness. Isn't that the totality of our human experience? I would agree that we can't really find any experience that doesn't fit into these categories of body and mind. And the Buddha tells us all these experiences are not really who we are.

[09:31]

Well, who are we? Our job is to study the self. The Buddha didn't actually say much about who we are. It seemed like he thought it was much more important to clarify what we're not. We're not any experiences of this body and mind coming and going. Conventionally, we could say that's kind of like this collection of stuff is what we sometimes call a person or loosely call ourself, but it's not really our true identity. The Buddha didn't say so much who we are. That was his skillful means. Just carefully study who we're not. And we'll feel more and more at ease by letting go of this identification with everything that we're not.

[10:52]

Taking care of all these experiences while not identifying with them. But this week we have been especially studying the teachings of a great Zen ancestor in the golden age of Zen in China in the ninth century named Changsha. And it seemed like he was kind of willing to say who we are, actually. Of course, he agrees with the Buddha. All this stuff that we're experiencing is not really our self. But what is our self?

[11:53]

Changsha said, our true self is radiant light. What's left if we eliminate form, feelings, perceptions, formations, consciousness? Is there anything left? Some might say, no, there's nothing left. But Changsha said, what remains is radiant light. Radiant light? Like the light that fills the room right now, we can't see directly. And yet, everything we see is illuminated by the light.

[12:58]

But the radiant light of the self is not the physical light in this room. It's an inconceivable, ungraspable, yet brightly radiant light, ever-present. One of our Zen ancestors, a disciple of Dogen Zenji named He also liked to talk about this light and he said something like, this radiant light is not more present in Buddhas and less present in sentient beings, ordinary people.

[14:02]

It's kind of like the same. And when we're deluded, the light is not deluded. And if we have some awakening, the light doesn't have some awakening. When we're born, the light is not born. And when we die, the light does not die. Changsha called it. the radiant light of the self. It's present right now. It must be, right? And it didn't just pop into the room when we popped into the room and it won't leave when we leave. And just to make matters even more ungraspable, Changsha said, the entire world in ten directions.

[15:24]

Ten directions is an old Zen way of saying everywhere, all directions. Right, left, back, front, up, down. this entire world throughout all of space is within the radiant light of the self. Just when we were thinking that maybe the radiant light of the self is within the space of the world. I don't know if you might have thought that, but it's not so. according to Changsha. The whole world in ten directions is within the radiant light of the self. And maybe channeling Changsha, Green Dragon Zen Center founder Shunryu Suzuki Roshi said,

[16:32]

Big mind experiences everything in the ten directions, within itself. He says, small mind is related to other things. outside itself. For a small mind to relate to things, things have to be outside of itself. It's a kind of a small mind, Suzuki Roshi said, but big mind includes everything within itself. He says, it's not related to anything. What a strange thing to say. Big mind is Unrelated to anything.

[17:35]

So Changsha was celebrating this week. He said, the whole world in ten directions is within the radiant light of the self. But he also said, in the same talk, he said, the whole world in ten directions is the radiant. light of the self. Maybe the whole world within the radiant light of the self is kind of a warm up to this more radical statement that the whole world, all of this, is actually itself the radiant light of our self. We're talking about who we really are here. Who we really are, this radiant light, is the entire world in ten directions.

[18:42]

Almost like it's our identity, our true identity, is not somehow within this body and this individual mind. Our true identity Our self is the whole world in 10 directions. So we've been savoring that saying this week or ignoring it. I'm not sure. So Changsha said some other things too. Very similar. Everything he said is always saying the same thing. Sometimes I feel like that. He said something like, a person sitting on top of a hundred foot pole has realized some entry, has entered into the way.

[19:59]

at the top of a 100-foot pole. That's what we've been doing, some of us, these two days. We're trying to climb a 100-foot pole. And the pole is coated with grease. So it's slow going. We try various tricks, like nailing pegs into it, but the pegs just fall out. So this is a practice. Sometimes it feels like climbing up a greased 100-foot pole with no pegs allowed. So we might feel as if we're various heights on the pole. After a few days, some of us might be seven inches three and a half feet or you might feel like you're halfway up or whatever but these are just feelings we don't actually know where we are in this pole because it's a greased pole with no pigs in the dark but Changsha said the person sitting on top of the hundred foot pole this is the way the Zen ancestors talk they've um

[21:30]

They've entered somewhat into the way. And I might just add a footnote, add a comment, and say, at the top of the 100-foot pole, they have some sense that they are radiant light. I don't know if Changsha would say that. proposing it. Maybe that's what the top of the 100-foot pole is, is being radiant light. But Changsha says, it's like an entryway, but they haven't yet realized the full extent of reality itself, of truth. Such a person needs to take a step forward off the top of the pole. Well, If we're already radiant light, where is there to go?

[22:32]

So a monk asked Changsha, well, how, how do we take a step forward off the top of the 100-foot pole? And Changsha said, Mount Tamipais, the marine headlands. The monk said, huh? The monk said, I don't understand. And Changsha said, Muir Beach, the Pacific Ocean, the whole land is under the emperor's authority. We might say, if you're not so into emperors, we might say, the whole land is... under the loving care of the park service. The park service has a big responsibility.

[23:49]

This is just analogies. Zen poetic metaphors, right? Who is the park service or the emperor in this analogy? Any guesses? Us. I heard the word us. Yeah, another word. And who is us? Who is myself? Radiant light. The radiant light of us. The radiant light of the self that was just previously hanging out on the top of a hundred foot pole. Now, the radiant light has, the radiant light is maybe a fragile thing on the top of the hundred foot pole. It's just this present.

[25:01]

big mind, so please, nobody cough, because that will distract me from this big mind. And that's kind of like an entry, but it's not yet reality. We have to step forward, not just into a room of coughing people, but all of Mount Tam and the whole Pacific Ocean. It's all under the authority of the radiant light of the self. Everything we experience is within big mind. Big mind is, I think Suzuki Roshi also said, big mind is the boss. the boss of Mount Tam and Muir Woods and Marin Headlands.

[26:09]

But not just the boss of that stuff, not just the boss of Mount Tam, actually, it is Mount Tam. the radiant light of the Self. This is wonderful, inconceivable teachings that were being offered by Changsha. So here's another story of Changsha. I heard this one from Abbot Jiyu. One day Changsha went walking in the mountains. Kokyo's footnote is, or did the mountains go walking in Changsha? When he returned to the temple, the head monk asked, where have you been?

[27:22]

Changsha said, I was wandering in the mountains. The monk said, well, where did you go exactly? Changsha said, first I went out following the fragrant grasses. Then I came back pursuing the falling flowers. That's where I went. The head monk was thinking, did you go to the Marin Headlands or Mount Town? He got a kind of a different sort of answer. And the monk said, Oh, that's very much like the feeling of spring, the mood of spring, the way you express that. And Changsha said, it's even better than dew drops falling on lotus flowers in autumn.

[28:28]

Changsha was quite a poetic guy. might say this is just a poetic expression of spring and maybe different aspects we could imagine in this little dialogue. And since Changsha was the kind of guy who was always talking about everything being himself and celebrating the mountains and waters and the fish and dragons and so on. We might hear it like he was really into the fragrant grasses and the falling flowers. He was really getting into those

[29:36]

Sights and sounds and smells and tastes and sensations of springtime. And maybe the head monk was maybe critiquing him a little bit. Could be. When he said, well, that's very much like a spring mood. But maybe that's a sort of way of saying, are you sure you were just getting distracted and indulging in the sights and sounds and smells of spring teacher. And the teacher said, yeah, that walk was even better than the subtle feeling of cool autumn with dewdrops landing on a lotus leaf and they just roll off. That's fine too. That's like being really Chill.

[30:37]

That's like... That's like... Sashin. This is better than Sashin. And so... I offer this story to all of you who are about to end Sashin. It's going to get better. You get to... You get to be... The... The emperor... of the airport, the Golden Gate Bridge, the traffic of San Francisco. It's better. I mean, we try not to get into better and worse, but maybe he felt like the monk thought that the lotus, the dewdrop on the lotus leaf rolling off in the chill of autumn That's better than following some fragrant grasses and pursuing flowers in the mountains.

[31:44]

Neither one's really better. Why? Because the whole world in ten directions is the radiant light of the self. Some of you in Sashini have one more period to sit however high up you are on this greased pole. And then whether you want to take a step forward or not, you're going to be pushed off it. It's called the bell that ends the last period of Sashini. is the push of a 100-foot pole. So one more story of Changsha before we finish with that ancestor.

[32:50]

So this radiant light of the self has many names, especially in Zen, like Almost any name actually could express the radiant light of the self, but maybe some names are a particular connection to this radiant light, pointing at it particularly directly, like your original face. before your mother and father were born. It's another name for the radiant light of yourself. Because we heard that it's not more when you're born and not less when you die.

[33:56]

It doesn't come and it doesn't go. It's also called big mind. It's also called Buddha Nature. So one time a government official who was a student of Changsha had a kind of maybe sort of doctrinal sounding question. He might also say he's just trying to understand the radiant light. So he asked Changsha, when an earthworm is cut in two and both halves continue to move, I wonder which half has the Buddha nature?

[35:04]

I love making the abbot laugh. We might say, because Changsha often called Buddha nature a radiant light, we might say, it could have been asked, when an earthworm is cut in two and both halves wriggle away, in which half is the radiant light? Understand the question. So we're trying to understand, what is this radiant light? Is it like a... Is it like some sort of mysterious substance inside our body? Is it like a life force or like a soul in the body? When the body's cut in half, which half is the soul? Is it some kind of animating principle? Is it located?

[36:08]

If it's located, it has to choose one half or the other or divide itself. Strange question in the Zen world. When an earthworm is cut in two and both halves continue to move, I wonder which half has the Buddha nature. Which half has the radiant light of the self? Which half is the true self of the worm? And Changsha said, don't have deluded ideas. Don't be deluded. You might even hear it. Don't be deluded to even ask such a question. But the official really wanted to know, so he said, But how can we understand the movement that the both halves are moving? And Changsha said, that's just wind and fire elements that haven't yet dispersed.

[37:15]

So, wind and fire elements that haven't yet dispersed. This might be ancient Indian or Chinese... biology theory or medical theory where um the body is made up of four elements earth wind fire and water the earth is a solid the solid bones and parts of the body the the uh the water element is the the blood and the fluids in the body the fire element is the is the warmth of the body and the And the air element is the air in the lungs and throughout the body. So when a body dies, these four elements that are all interdependently, harmoniously functioning when we're alive, when at death these four elements

[38:30]

We're understood to disperse or disconnect from each other. The body does its thing and the mind does its thing. How can we understand the movement of these two halves? Really, tell me, where is the Buddha nature? That movement, Changsha said, that's this wind and fire elements that haven't yet dispersed. In other words, we're just talking biology here. So, of course, this got me curious about, just biologically speaking, how does this kind of work? You maybe have accidentally, I hope if it's ever happened, cut an earthworm with a shovel and felt bad about it.

[39:31]

It happens on farms sometimes. And we see those two halves still seem alive. So I researched it a little bit. In fact, when earthworms are cut, only the head end continues to live and the the tail end continues to move also, but eventually the tail end stops moving and dies. In other words, the movement of the tail end is just wind and fire elements that haven't yet dispersed. And we might say, same with the head end, actually, that keeps living. It can live for a long time. Like, this body... living out, all of our bodies are just wind and fire elements that haven't yet dispersed, actually.

[40:37]

Wind, fire, water, and air. But there is this species called aquatic flatworms. Anyone know aquatic flatworms? So these are really kind of special creatures because if they're cut in half, the two halves do both continue to live as two new animals because they have stem cells throughout their whole body so they can regenerate like another nervous system and so on. And each half grows a new head and tail. aquatic flatworms. So maybe this government minister was thinking that earthworms are like aquatic flatworms, but this is all beside the point.

[41:51]

So Is Buddha nature, the radiant light of the self, something that's in the body and can be divided if the body is divided or is like wind and fire workings in the body or in the mind, even? Don't be deluded, Changsha says. It's not like this. In fact, I think at one point that we've been exploring a little bit in this session is, and if you can kind of open to this point, this could be one takeaway, kind of experiential takeaway to consider for the rest of this life, is that we think of...

[42:54]

Our Buddha nature is who we really are as something maybe inside the body or even big mind. Even though we hear that it's really big, we think it must be in the body at the same time. We just feel, I think many people feel strongly that that's the case. And this may be because we have heard about brains which are in the body. And then maybe big mind is another name for the brain, something like this. Don't be deluded. So the investigation you can check out is experientially what we call the body, it seems to me, is I often think of it as it's like a field of tactile sensation. If we look at it, it's colors and shapes too, but mostly we experience our body day to day as a field of tactile sensation, tingling here, pulsating there, relaxed here, tense there, constantly changing field of sensations.

[44:20]

Isn't that kind of like our dominant experience of the body? when we're not looking in a mirror or something. So these tactile sensations, are they not part of the world of experience? Are they not appearing within the radiant light of the self? Big mind experiences everything within itself, Suzuki Roshi says. Are not these tingling sensations we call the body, are they not appearing within this big mind as the big mind? So, experientially, I don't know if you can follow this, but it just seems to me much more, it rings much more true that what we call body, this field of sensations,

[45:26]

is arising within big mind, the radiant light of the self, rather than the body is arising in, rather than mind, big mind, is arising in the body. Opposite points of view, and the body arising within big mind seems to me closer to everybody's actual experience if we look closely and carefully. So I invite you to take this meditation home and explore. And that shift, that different perspective, could be very freeing. To me, it feels it's a more relaxed way of being. To me it feels when the body is a field of sensation arising within radiant light.

[46:31]

Then I don't mind the pain in the legs so much in Sashin. Suzuki Roshi says, the pain that you're feeling in your legs, he was talking to people in Sashin, is happening in a big space. space is taking care of the pain. So in that perspective, it's easier to be with painful legs when they're being held in the big space of radiant light. So then Changsha wrote a verse after this little dialogue about the earthworm. He presented a verse, I guess a spontaneous verse to the government official. And this verse, this kind of interesting footnote for Dharma geeks, in the Gateless Barrier, the Mumon Khan Koan Collection, Mumon, or Wumen, who collected it, wrote a verse for every case.

[47:44]

He wrote his own verse. But in case 12, he just stole Changsha's verse. verbatim and made it his own. It's fine to do that, actually, in Zen. We're always quoting the ancestors, but he didn't say Changsha said, but I just think it's interesting. I think it's the only verse that he didn't write. He felt like it fit the case maybe very well. Without getting too involved in what case it's on, it is the case of a of a Zen teacher who always called to himself, Master, and he'd answer himself, Yes? Here where? Okay, okay. Don't be fooled by anyone. No, no. That's the koan that Wu Men felt like, this verse of Changsha

[48:50]

it so perfectly I'm just going to take it. But it also, it's the verse that was written to comment on the earthworm being cut story. Don't be deluded story. So the verse goes like this. People who study the way still don't know reality because they only know the discriminating conscious spirit. The discriminating conscious spirit may be like how we think of our individual self. Maybe our dualistic consciousness. Or maybe some sort of life force. Our Buddha nature is some sort of animating life force that's making us raise our eyebrows and blink. That's residing in the body and so on. People who study the way, Changsha says, don't know reality because they only know the discriminating conscious spirit, that small mind, that's related to things outside itself.

[50:04]

Though this has been the root of samsara, the root of painful birth and death for countless eons, ignorant people call it the original true person. They call it our original face. It's just an ordinary dualistic consciousness. People call small mind big mind, is another way to say it. And in that passage, Suzuki Roshi talking about big mind, he says, big mind includes everything within itself. Small mind is related to things outside itself. And then he says, actually, they're the same. Actually, they're the same. But if we're living in, I can't remember exactly.

[51:13]

Maybe I brought it. Actually, they're the same thing, but the understanding is different, and your attitude towards your life will be different according to which understanding you have. Ah, so beautiful, I think. They're the same, but they're a little bit of a different perspective, and this little difference in perspective has maybe a big effect on your life. One analogy I love for that is it's a little tiny mistake with a really big impact. The analogy is like walking down the wrong gateway at the airport. There's all these doors right next to each other, and each one leads to a different airplane.

[52:15]

It's just a small mistake. It's this door and this door, right? Big impact. So maybe just a little time left if you have anything you'd like to bring up about the radiant light. Yes, yes, yes. The radiant light can speak. So can we use Dolly Parton as an example of a big light. And what are the 10 ways, 10 different directions? Oh, the 10 directions? Yeah. Are just, you know, north, south, east, west, northwest, east, northeast, southwest, southeast, up and down and all around. And is Dolly Parton an example of radiant light? Yeah. The assembly answered for you.

[53:18]

Yes. But, in fact, everyone is radiant light. I don't know if you say especially Dolly Parton. That's maybe going too far. Reverend Jim. You can cross. Oh! I missed the punchline of the verse in the... Oh, yes, the punchline of the verse. I mean, it's not that poetic or a verse, really. Funny that Muman liked it so much. The verse is just done. See if you can see how this verse relates to both the earthworm story, if you can remember, about this wind and fire elements not dispersed.

[54:30]

The earthworm story and this other story also of master. Host, you could translate it that way too. Host, he's the host of the assembly. Host, yes? Be awake. Be aware. Don't be fooled by anyone outside yourself. How could I? I know I would. I mean, I hope not. So see if this verse, if you can see how it relates to that story too. Host. Master. So Changsha said, people who study the way still don't know reality because they only know discriminating conscious spirit, the small mind that knows things outside itself. Though this discriminating conscious spirit has been the root of samsara, which is painful birth and death, for countless eons, ignorant people call it the original true person.

[55:46]

They call it, yeah, they call it the host. But it's just a guest, actually. The discriminating conscious spirit is a guest that comes and goes within big mind. Sometimes it even emerges within big mind and it starts talking about big mind. Hey, big mind, what you up to today? Well, I'm just not up to anything. I'm never up to anything. Well, you're extremely boring then, big mind. You're not so interesting as me, small mind. You're right, I'm not. That's why no one pays any attention to me. In fact, for countless eons, hardly anyone's ever paid attention to me.

[56:53]

But they pay a lot of attention to you, small mind. And you get all the credit. And people, because they like the teaching of the original true person, they, you, small mind, get the credit for it. Yeah, true self. I am the radiant light. But you are not it. but in truth, it is you. I think in the world of time, which is flowing through the timeless world of radiant light, time's up. And thank you for bearing with Such strange Zen stories.

[57:56]

As I said at the beginning, Changsha is an ancestor that's not known so well, but I really like his kind of, he has a particular style, maybe those who've heard all the stories in the Sashin, you get to kind of know him. He's always kind of like sort of making the same point, and I feel like we've celebrated him. A nicely decision. I hope you appreciated him. And please enjoy the... We're not really... It's past spring, but it's not yet fall. So the grasses aren't quite as fragrant as they were a few months ago. And the dew drops haven't started falling on the lotus leaves yet. But kind of like late summer... This kind of middle way. Please enjoy it freely. And you can even walk down to the beach.

[59:02]

Unless you're in Sashin. We have one more period. Zazen. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[59:43]

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