This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. When I walked in and I saw this clear demarcation, I thought Is this the gradual enlightened school and the sudden enlightened? Which one is which? And then where's the middle way? Emptiness. So when we have these talks, the person giving the talk doesn't walk in they come in this way as on Saturdays so you can fill in here or you can sit like this and say no I belong to the northern school I am not going over there with those southern people or vice versa this would be the east and the west school so day two

[01:30]

You know, it's a terrible thing to do to start characterizing the different days, but I'm going to do it. Day one has that wonderful freshness. You know, it's still... in our bones, it's still in our disposition. What brought us here? The commitment, the deep meaningfulness, the sense of purpose. Not that we can articulate it, maybe we can, maybe we can't. Maybe we feel we've, you know, it was just the force of circumstances. But here I am, so I guess this is it.

[02:33]

And the zeal of that carries us forward. In one of his talks, Suzuki Roshi said, Shishina is like this. You get into a rowboat and you row out into the middle of the ocean and the boat sinks. LAUGHTER And I had to try to give that a positive interpretation. We start with our purposefulness. Okay, I'm on a mission. I have something to do. I have a plan. And then we start, and then we engage. And then Shashin undoes us. Sometimes we're undone because at a certain point, we're physically tired. Sometimes we're undone because at a certain point our mind is mush.

[03:42]

It seems like the capacity to follow your breath, to stay aware of the body, open your senses just has dissipated. And sometimes the process of letting go of mind and mind constructs, even the virtuous thoughts that brought us here start to dissipate. So usually, if we can really use that word, usually day two hasn't quite got us there. But there's starting to be I don't know, cracks in what we told ourselves as to why this was a fabulous idea, and maybe glimmers of something else.

[04:53]

But that something else hasn't quite become the new normal yet. What you learn from doing Sashin, it's about You let it become your life. This is my life now. There is no other life that I'm living. There is no other life where I'm doing something else. I might imagine one. I might have memories of one. But this is it. This is my life. It's a little bit like young men saying, I'm not asking about the past, a statement about now. And then he made his own statement. Every day is a good day. Maybe more than that.

[05:59]

Every day has its own particular teaching. This day in Shashin, That, as I say, the stories that persist in their own meaningful way, whether we recognize the meaning or not, it's not like they've disappeared, for the most part. And this deep sensibility, this is it. This is my new life. This is the new normal. What is life? Life is getting up with the wake-up bell and going to the zindo. Life is going to the dharma talk, the afternoon work meeting, and evening zazen.

[07:04]

So day two, maybe we like to persuade ourselves that we're thoroughly convinced of that. But usually there's a lot of other things asking for attention. and in the last lecture I mentioned this Buddhist teaching of two truths. Usually described as the relative and the absolute. But for our own circumstance we can describe it of the truth of the usual world that I live in. with all its attributes, the parts of it that delight me, the parts of it that disappoint me, the parts that I struggle with, the parts that I yearn for now that I'm removed from them.

[08:22]

You know, that world. In this world, you know, yesterday the Shuso quoted Suzuki Roshi's talk on calmness. Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, you know where that piece comes from, was put together with transcriptions of a series of talks Suzuki Roshi gave in Palo Alto. He would go down, I think, on Tuesday mornings. And there was a small group there, about eight people, and he'd give a talk. And the talks were recorded and then someone thought, hmm, maybe this could be put together into a book. So, it was. That's where Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind was, originated.

[09:30]

That book, to my experience, is an endless mystery in how much dharma there's in it. Endless depth. I read that... I keep wanting to call it a fascicle. I read that fascicle again and was struck by the fact that I'd never read it before the way I was reading it now and how... instructive, I find it. And then, interestingly, what I read was significantly different from what the Shusul read. Each of us reads what we read. Even when we read the same thing, each of us read what we read. What struck me first was the poem with which he started. After the wind, I see the flowers fall.

[10:46]

Because of the singing bird, I discover the mountain calmness. Sometimes sitting in the zendo is the moment when there's no traffic. in the midst of there being a lot of traffic noise. There's a moment where there's no traffic noise. And in that moment, we hear the no traffic noise and we learn something about the traffic noise. When there's only traffic noise, In an interesting way, it's more difficult to connect to it.

[11:51]

It's the contrast, the shift. The shift from the wind blowing to the wind stops, from the birds singing to the bird stops. the shift from the world according to me to the world according to Shishin. You know, this can be an ally in awareness. You know, as these moments of a different experience arise. It's not like we make them arise. It's not like we manufacture them. The nature of existence is impermanent.

[12:54]

There's always change happening. This is its blessing, its teaching. Not that we always like it. Of course we don't. I had a dental surgery on my jaw last Thursday. And needless to say, it hurt. It didn't hurt while the Novocaine was there. But watching how my mind of all the array of experiences I'm having, you know, something in the workings of my being. But wait a minute, there's one that really hurts.

[13:56]

Just how this disposition that seems deeply innate for us, we give attention, we validate, certain experiences in the midst of other ones. And then that experience can become more definitive. So this is the nature of mind for almost all of us. That which is out of place, that which is uncomfortable, it causes physical pain, emotional pain. It receives an endorsement. It receives extra attention. Evolutionary psychologists will tell us, oh, well, that was a process we evolved in that has aided our survival.

[15:07]

Being aware of the difficult experience helped us, you know, avoid the subsequent disaster that was there. Maybe so, and maybe not so. But either way, this seems to be a deeply innate aspect. So in talking about calmness, Suzuki Roshi offered to my mind, to my reading of that fascicle, two propositions. First proposition was, be calm. Let that be the central expression of your sitting. reminded me a little bit of Dogen Zenji, starting each fascicle with this absolute pronouncement.

[16:25]

The way all the Buddhas and ancestors practiced, transmitted, expressed is this. And then in some ways, that's not so helpful. In some ways it's deeply inspiring. Because it's the potential at the kernel of every experience. Noticing the mind going to the painful sensation in the jaw. does it get associated with distress, agitation? When the dentist was working on it, he had an assistant.

[17:37]

And he said, oh yeah, when they did this root canal, they didn't do such and such. And I thought, oh, wouldn't you know it? Good, there's somebody to blame for this. Unfortunately, under those circumstances, I didn't have the opportunity to say, oh, what was that? They both had their hands in my mouth. And a bunch of hardware. So not only do we validate, energize with giving attention to the unpleasant, the uncomfortable, the painful, it can evoke a response.

[18:39]

And can that be seen for what it is? And Suzuki Roshi calls this kind of attention calmness. Can we sit in the middle of everything? Can it be that unconditional? Can we watch the ways we are working with the conditioned? Note my body has to be more at ease before I can be willing to experience what is. Of course, from the conditioned side of our life, this is a conditioned life.

[19:58]

If we dismiss that side, we're only on one side of the room and not the other. But if that's the whole story, then it's overemphasized. So it's a delicate balance. Opening to this arising of our conditioned existence. Maybe it is, as I suggest today, a moving back and forth. Both the fervor, the dedication, the motivation that brought us to Sasheen and the stories that came with it, the concerns, the yearnings, and how something in us in a calculating way, not even intentionally, is saying, well, all that needs to be fixed, and then I can be present.

[21:19]

So the first aspect of calmness is, how about presence before it's all fixed? How about, even more outrageously, all of that becomes what is the experience of presence? So Shikantaza, just sitting with what is, has this flavor at its center. Just sitting with it all. Just walking with it all. Just working with it all. And of course, Sashin keeps us on track. whether you like it or not, whether you agree or not, now it's time to do this.

[22:32]

And then we do it. And then we discover doing it when we like it offers something, and doing it when we don't like it offers something. And in an interesting way, sometimes doing it when we don't like it is more revealing. It's a very interesting experience. You notice your hesitation, your resistance, your disagreement. Why has the work leader asked me to do this? Doesn't he know it would be better to do it like that? Who was that other dentist who created this terrible thing in my mug? You know, of course. our minds are well-versed in this kind of approach. And in our usual life, then that defines our response. But in Shishin, just, okay, just do it anyway.

[23:43]

can discover something about the second aspect that Suzuki Rokashi was talking about. He was saying, even though it's impossible to fix and succeed in your life, you can find meaning in your effort. even though it's impossible to fix and succeed in your life, even though it's impossible, even with the most diligent, determined effort, to make your life the way it should be according to you and to have the success that will resolve all your difficulties. After breakfast, I was going across the street to my apartment to feed my cat

[24:56]

And my grandson stopped me and he said, he's on his way to kindergarten, he's three, and he said, the sink is clogged. And then we had a discussion about clogged sinks and how to fix them. And he said, he goes to school three days a week. And he said, I'll fix it when it's not a school day. And I thought, isn't it great to be three? The beginner's mind that has such possibility. Even though it's impossible to fix and succeed at your life. And then on this very human way, how do we not...

[26:00]

feel crushed? How do we not lose our vitality, our motivation? Even though it's impossible to fix your life, you can find meaning in your effort. I think the word meaning I was thinking, hmm, what would I say? Purpose? But then again, purpose can feel utilitarian. Some enthusiasm. some willingness to engage. Even though you can't fix your life, even though you can't fix your body, you can't fix your mind.

[27:11]

You can't fix Sashin. You can't fix the second day of Sashin. some enthusiasm, some willingness. As Yun-men says, every day is a good day. So can we approach day two mind and body like that? Today's body, today's mind, today's patterns of emotions will be what it will be. And right along with that disposition, can there be a resolute engagement?

[28:25]

Can we discover what Suzuki Roshi is calling the calmness, the state of being that isn't dependent upon the possibility of success? However, we put it together. Whether we call success feeling settled in our body, whether we call success breathing from the abdomen, whether we call success a certain quality of concentration or awareness. Can there be a calmness? Can there be an equanimity? Can there be a patience? Okay? This is how it is.

[29:39]

And of course, when we say to ourselves or when we say to somebody else, okay, it's our wish. When things are okay, we don't say anything because there's no need to. It's okay. You'll be okay. Meaning, be reassured. you will move from the state you're in now to a state of okayness. You're okay. When someone's okay, we don't say that to them. We don't say that to ourselves. We don't say it about the situation. But it tells us something about our intention. So can our attention attend to whatever comes along?

[30:51]

And in some ways this is the gift of day two. It's usual character of unsettledness. The old normal still has certain veracity and energy. The new normal is still formulating. Of course our human tendency is we want a certain kind of homeostasis. We want a certain harmony of being. But this world, this body and mind is always Moving. There's always something in our being that's shifting one way or another.

[31:55]

Someday my oral surgery will heal and life will be perfect. This is the subtle work of shikantaza. Discovering, contacting, energizing that patient equanimity. Patient because this imbalance has its discomfort, has its agitation. Like, are you willing to suffer the discomfort of the moment? And of course, as we suffer the discomfort of the moment, just like the poem says, the noise makes evident the silence.

[33:28]

a story about the Dalai Lama, and it was like this. Someone was interviewing him about the torture in Tibet, a reporter, and he was, because he's very well informed about it, and he was telling how truly awful and extensive and persistent it is. And he was citing instance after instance. And then they paused for a minute and he got up and he looked out the window and he turned around and he had a big beaming smile on his face. And the reporter was utterly shocked. You know, here they were talking about his land, his people, his culture, his spiritual practice, all being devastated. And he has a smile on his face. And he said, ah, the view at that window is so beautiful.

[34:45]

Sometimes, in the midst of the noise, that moment of pause sparkles. right in the middle of activity, we find what Suzuki Roshi is calling calmness. The experience of not struggling, not resisting, not striving to fix, succeed, avoid. Of course your body is a mystery, and your breath is a mystery, and your mind is a mystery, and your psychological workings are a mystery.

[36:00]

But in the midst of that great mystery, can there be a willingness to experience how it arises? Can the, not simply, the failures, that place of discomfort of your body be noticed? Not just that, but the rest of your body. When the mind comes back to awareness, allowed to be fully experienced? Can the moments of awareness be invited, endorsed, absorbed?

[37:23]

And not just the moments of dissatisfaction, disappointment, or that could be better. Maybe, maybe that's all true from one perspective. But still, can what's those moments of connection be validated? And I would say, accentuate the positive, And it creates, in a human way for us, it creates a foundation for opening to the ones that are more disturbing. I would say, you know, by all means, find a way of sitting that has steadiness, that has comfort.

[38:27]

because it helps create the basis on which you can start to open to the discomfort. Because in the calmness, there's not only willingness, patience, there's also Shraddha. A trustingness. also in the heart of young men's every day is a good day, is a trust in this. Just as it is. Even when it stimulates a wish for something else. Of course, I want the pain of my oral surgery to go away. Of course I want it to be worth the effort.

[39:42]

But it's not the whole story. Either way. The dentist said, 80% chance this will work, and if it doesn't, we'll have to do something much more invasive. Guess which one I'm after. This is a human life. calmness, Suzuki Roshi talks about, this steadiness, this... Day two is day two. How will your process unfold today? Will there be notable moments of ease and awareness?

[41:02]

Will there be a persistence of some old pain, physical or emotional? And then the other things Izuki Roshi said in this, he said, for a Zen student, the weed, calling these things that come up for us as so-called difficulties. For a Zen student, the weed is a treasure. Can you, when something's coming up and you notice your mind and emotions are grasping it, energizing it, persisting with it, can that become an indicator to bring awareness? What's happening now? What's this mind?

[42:11]

What's the particulars of this story? How is it impacting the body? This way of letting, rather than something be, preventing us from our exalted enlightenment to being a Dharmagate. After the wind, I see the flower. Because of the birds singing, I discover the mountain calmness. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving.

[43:18]

May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[43:21]

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