our sister center in Moran County. Yuki is currently serving as the Tenzo, and I'm so happy she's here to speak with us tonight. We'll begin with the opening verse, which you can find now in your chat window, and then Yuki. An unsurpassed, penetrating and perfect dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million kalpas, having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept. I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's word. What did I do?

[01:07]

It seems to be working, Yuki. I see you, Kodo. Ah, okay. Great. Oh, no. Say it. Say it that way. I'm sorry. Okay. Thank you. Good evening. Is it working? Okay. Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity to give a talk at City Center Dharma event. I wish I could be there physically and see you and talk to you about all these social movements in our society since we started

[02:12]

in place on March 19th. I wonder how you are doing. I mean, how you are really doing. I ask this question to you because I sometimes find it is very difficult to answer honestly or I am so accustomed to answer automatically without checking my feelings. I am fine. I am doing okay. Thank you for asking. These are my daily replies. And now, at Greenwatch, with the guidelines of social distancing and mask wearing. Many of us even stop asking this simple question when we see each other or pass each other.

[03:22]

It is very awkward to start a conversation with a mask and six feet apart, although I sincerely respect and acknowledge the importance of both guidelines. So, how have I been doing? Well, I was doing okay, even though my work has been a lot of changes and adjustment. And I was dealing with many complaints since the sheltering at home was placed in Marin County. However, At the end of May, I finally broke down in tears, not because of my work or community relation, but the current situation of our society, which intensified by the COVID-19 pandemic and the murder of Mr. Floyd.

[04:41]

And all that came before which led to the national and international demonstrations. Even I have difficulty pointing out what it is. And if I try, I may call it systemic racism and inequality in our society and in this country. But part of me also feels like even this world cannot fully capture. I kept quiet even after I broke down. Honestly, I did not know how to share my sadness, anger, and frustration

[05:44]

to other people and part of me thought it was not appropriate to share such feelings. I also thought I have a very different point of view from many people in the community because of my color and my status as an England. What I really did not want to happen was that my feelings were denied or were not taken seriously by other people after I took a chance to share them. I thought that would be very painful. A part of me also felt and still feels So what if my feelings are broken apart?

[06:47]

That would be far less painful than the reality of daily life for many people in this country right now. So today, I would like to try to share my story in solidarity with the people who have been protesting on the streets and many other places for equality and justice. That will give me courage to talk today. I have stopped watching TV since 2003 after listening to President George W. Bush II giving a speech declaring the war against Iraq. I was in graduate school and involved in peace activism. All my free time was spent organizing, mobilizing, and participating in demonstration against the war on terrorism in a small college town in Illinois and Chicago and Washington, D.C.

[08:08]

I thought There was no truth in TV news, and I thought it was the end of our democracy. I still don't own the TV, but I started watching news programs on my computer since the COVID-19 started spreading around the world. First, I was simply worried about my elderly mother in Japan. and tried to gather more information about this disease. Then I was shocked by the number of deaths by this virus around the world and the spread of the speed of its infection rate. The more I read and discovered about this disease and how

[09:11]

it has been manifested in our society, the more I started feeling uncomfortable and uneasy about the findings. And I did not know how to share my anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, and disempowerment to other people. Especially, I did not know how to reach out to other people of color. Systemic racism, also known as institutional racism, is a form of racism expressed in the practice of social and political institutions.

[10:17]

It is reflected in disparities regarding wealth, income, criminal justice, employment, housing, health care, political power, and education, among all other factors. Institutional racism was defined by Sir William Macpherson in UK's Lawrence report in 1999 as the collective failure of an organization to provide an appropriate and professional service to people because of their color, culture, or ethnic origin. It can be seen were detected in processes, attitude, and behavior which amount of discrimination through prejudice, ignorance, thoughtlessness, and racist stereotyping which disadvantage minority ethnic people.

[11:32]

Here is one painful report I would like to share as one example of systemic racism in this country regarding why coronavirus hits African Americans the hardest. Along the Mississippi River between Baton Rouge and New Orleans, There is 85-mile stretch of the land known as Cancer Valley. For this case, some communities that live in this part of Louisiana have reported disproportionately highlights of respiratory disease and cancer. There is one portion called St. John the Baptist in this area.

[12:40]

A person's lifetime risk of getting cancer is 50 times greater than the average Americans. And now, it also has one of the highest COVID-19 death rates per chapter in this country. A closer look reveals that the community here is predominantly African Americans. Louisiana has one with the most toxic air in the U.S. For decades, oil, gas, chemical, and plastic has been manufactured there. Much of it comes from roughly 200 chemical plants and oil refineries in this quarter of the Mississippi River Banks, which is called

[13:46]

Cancer Alley. The air people breathe in naturally is so filled with carcinogen so that it is labeled as National Sacrifice Zone. The population of St. John the Baptist is 50% African Americans, and of the community closest to the chemical plants is 92% African Americans due to the housing discrimination and racial segregation. This country is tied to race and place. Here, along this cancer alley, the history of community goes back to the slavery.

[14:48]

This area was mostly sugar plantations. After the slavery was ended, many African Americans stayed in this area and established black community on or near the plantations. In the 1940s, new industry took place in Louisiana. and petrochemical industries replaced these plantations. The company set up the facilities right next to historically African-American communities, but most of the jobs in the plant did not go to them. The community was left with pollution, poverty, sickness, and some cases death. In this country, corporations often bought out the entire town.

[15:56]

Toxic industries have been established near communities of color across the US, like mining operations, power plants near Native American reservations. In more urban areas, racist public policies like redlining have historically marked black and brown mega foods list as less desirable, pushing the polluters like highways and factories closer to their homes. The community with higher air pollution also had higher probability of the deadly coronavirus cases. In Louisiana, the African-American residents make up 32% of the population, but they make up 56% COVID-19 death.

[17:09]

In Michigan, the African-American residents make up 14% of the population, but they make up 41% of COVID-19 deaths. In March, the Trump administration suspended the clean air protections across the country. So, in Louisiana's cancer alley, that means petrochemical facilities will now have no oversight over how much they pollute. This is just one of many

[18:12]

many, many, many painful and unjustifiable realities for many African Americans and people of color in this country. These Black Lives Matter demonstrations across the states and all over the world are not just for the protest against the police officer who killed George Floyd, but also for many, many others who came before him and now after him. If I name a few, Rodney King, 1991, Abner Roemer, 1997, Amadou Diarro, 1999, Sean Bell, 2006, Eric Garner, This list goes on and on and on and on.

[19:32]

These are not individual isolated cases, but It is the patterns and structures built on a systemic racism that this country created intentionally. If you are what we are, black, minority, or poor, we understand what it means to be a target of the system that is designed to keep us down. even with violence of any forms, if necessary. And now, many people around the world are saying that reform is not enough. You cannot reform something that was inherently designed to be wrong. So people are demanding that

[20:39]

this structure needs to be reconstructed intentionally. With one that considers and serves the needs of people, let's stop having police in school. Let's stop having police dealing with homelessness. Let's stop having police dealing with people with mental illness. Let's stop having police patrolling neighborhoods where they don't live and give that job to the residents. This takes sustained pressure, energy, and attention for a long, long period of time from all of us. As you may know, many positive changes are also happening all over the country right now because of the collective power of the demonstrations.

[21:58]

The mayor of Los Angeles announced that he will not be increasing the police budget Instead, $250 million will be invested in such areas as the job of education, especially black and non-white community. New York State passed Registration for Transparency of Disciplinary Record of Police Officers, 50A, banned chalk holes, institutionalized Attorney General as the Special Prosecutor for Police Misconduct instead of internal police investigations, and punish the false race-based 911 call. We should be proud of these institutional changes. At the same time, we have to remind ourselves that

[23:06]

This is just the beginning. And we have so much work to do together for a sustained period of time. So what can we do? What can we do as an individual? What can we do as the institution of San Francisco Zen Center. Well, recently I confessed to my teacher that sometimes I don't know what I'm doing in a kitchen where I work every day. Some days I really, really, really wanted to go and join the demonstration just to be with and to stand together with people on the street fighting for justice and equality instead of cooking tofu cabbage at Green College.

[24:24]

Tenshin Roshi asked me if I can express justice and equality while I am cutting carrots? My answer was, unfortunately, I don't know. I told him that I don't have the confidence and conviction to cut carrots for our equality and justice. He further asked me, do you want all your daily activities and actions to be the expression of equality and justice? My answer was yes. However, how can I know what I am doing becomes the cause of equality and justice? Tenshin Roshi said, you don't know that.

[25:34]

But still, do you want to? I recently opened to have a difficult conversation with a member of this community. I knew we had to have a conversation or conversations. but a part of me wanted to avoid conflict, if possible, and as usual. By the way, this is not the first difficult conversation I had to have in this community, as you may think. It is complicated. When I think about any conflicts or difficult situations, in the community.

[26:37]

It is not a simple matter of what I said hurt the person, or vice versa. It is usually entangled with power structure, which is based on seniority, job title, race, gender, culture, including language. My last difficult conversation was so painful, so painful. And I told my teacher so when he asked me. At that time, Tenshin Roshi told me that I can still sit and listen to the other person while I am feeling excruciating pain. I can still practice generosity and patience to my pain and to the person while not agreeing with the person and feeling pain if I want to.

[27:53]

He also kindly added, however, you don't have to have a conversation. if it is too much. You can always say that I need more time. So back to my current difficult conversation. When I realized that I should have this conversation knowing that a part of me wanted to avoid it, I thought I am more willing to try this if I think of this conversation as a small contribution to what is happening right now in our society. Yes, I know that this will not impact on any registration levels of systemic racism. But when I think about any conflict between two parties,

[29:04]

including police officers and community, building trust is an important ingredient to understand each other and heal if some damages have been already done. Honest and skillful conversation can be one of important tools to build and rebuild trust. It is not an easy task, but I'd like to try to learn. Actually, I am very curious about the process of how we build or damage our trust to one another. I'd like to spend more time contemplating this matter and hope to have some conversation

[30:07]

with some of you, if you are interested in it. Before I end, I would like to add one more thing. Hope to encourage people, especially people of color in San Francisco Zen Center. to speak out what is true to yourself when critical situation arise. I have been practicing at San Francisco Zen Center for 14 years. For some people, I may appear to be a senior, but for others, I may still appear to be a baby in this community.

[31:10]

Even after 14 years of practicing together with the community, each time a difficult situation arose and I decided to speak out, I felt fear. I felt the fear of being asked to leave, the fear of being labeled as a difficult person, the fear of being told I am disharmonizing the community. And this fear is still here, right now, with me. the leadership of san francisco zen center first i would like to express my deep appreciation for letting me practice here for the last 14 years i know sometimes i am not an easy person to deal with and i would like to ask you this even though

[32:40]

I don't know how to do it. Can we, the San Francisco Zen Center, build a model structure and environment in which we, the people of color, feel safe to express our concerns when they arise without feeling fear that it might cost us our practice life here at Zen Center. Can we start having the conversation about this issue, including all of us, not only DEIA, not only the elders council, not only the practice committee, not only the senior staff, but including all of us.

[33:41]

That is the end of my talk tonight. I'd like to hear from you if we still have a time or later. Thank you very much. Thank you very much, Yuki. We'll move to the Closing chant and then continue on with Q&A after that, if that works well for you, Yuki-san. You can find the closing chant in the chat here in just a moment. May our intention equally extend to every being and place. With the true merit of the dove's way. Beings are numberless, I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them.

[34:51]

Dharma gates are boundless, I vow to enter them. Thus way is unsurpassable, I vow to be committed. As of now, we have about ten minutes until the scheduled ending of our talk. If you'd like to offer a comment or ask a question, you can click the participants button in the bottom of your window of ear and then raise your hand. and then the host will unmute you. Lucy. Hi, Yuki. I try to be the first so I don't get left out.

[35:56]

It's an inside joke with Kodo. Yuki, it's so great to see you in the teaching seat. And I'm very happy for you that you can speak your truth, speak your heart, and you have my support. That's what I want to tell you. Yuki, I should come visit sometime when the pandemic is over. Definitely. Yuki, I just want you to know that I heard your request for us to talk as a community, as a whole community, and I really would like to do that.

[37:35]

I just wanted you to know, and I really appreciate your offering that opportunity to all of us. And thank you for your honesty and courage this evening. Before the next question, I'd like to make a note. I'm sorry I overlooked this as we began the Q&A. A little bit of a change with our Dharma talks. We're recording the Q&A because there's so much rich exchange that happens such that it can be published online. I'm not certain if we have Yuki's permission for tonight, so we can discuss that later. But I want the community to know that that's part of the plan. Yuki, we have a question in the chat.

[38:51]

May I read it? From Eli. You said that Red asked, how can you engage in social justice while cutting vegetables in the kitchen? For those who are in the wider world engaging in this work, do you have any words on how to do that work in the same way Zen students treat food? belong but I think what my teacher wanted to say is that it's my our intention anything we do what it's for like a how I talk like a why not why but what is our intention to do this each moment of our task or job or a movement that's gonna

[39:54]

So it doesn't matter what you do. That's what I get. But I also could be very long. I have to check. Do my attention. Teach again. I see either Miles or Nancy. Hi, Yuki. It's Miles. Hi, Miles. I just wanted to say how lovely it is to see you give a Dharma talk. And it makes me think about eight years ago being led by you as the guest manager. So yeah, I just really appreciate you, yeah, opening your heart to all of us tonight. So thank you. Christa. Hi, Christine.

[41:05]

I really want to thank you for the talk that you've given tonight. I'm so hardened and I look forward to continuing to do this work with you and others within Zen Center. Likewise. Sonia, Thank you, Yuki. It was wonderful to hear you. This is my question. There were a group of us meeting recently, and the question came up about the feeling of what is enough, or are we doing enough, or what does enough mean, or what would enough feel like?

[42:13]

And I wonder if you might just say how that concept or feeling arises in you or what you would say about enough. What's enough? What would that mean in our practice? more okay, feeling, maybe, this may not be, if I say this is enough, I may not continue. Because I feel not enough, I may continue. But I'm not worried about outcome or how much I get done.

[43:21]

If I said, this is enough, I may not be able to go further. At the same time, I will not worry about how much I have to get done, what I get done. That's the way I see it. Are you saying if you don't worry about what's enough? Don't worry about what? Would you say not to worry about what's enough? I think maybe the... Problem with the question, if you feel like it's not enough, then somebody might do too much or start to feel bad about themselves, like they're not enough. It's the way you think. You can't think like that. Okay, it's not enough. So I don't, you feel bad about it. But that's two different things to me. Okay, it's not enough, and I continue doing it, but it's extra to think, so I'm not good.

[44:31]

That's extra, I think. I'm more feeling, sit comfortably. Okay, not enough. I should do more. Yeah, okay. Not should, but I can do more. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Time for a final question. Shinta. First of all, I want to thank Yuki for this talk. I feel like I was giving a voice as a DOC. And secondly, I want to share my old experience as a DOC and actually a first-generation immigrant to this country.

[45:33]

I came to the States in my early 20s. I actually went to Texas, my graduate school. And I was caught jeans on the street by some white teenagers. I think that... Let me be some fear. I think that's the kind of fear that lingered on for a long while. Yeah, and a couple of days ago, someone asked me my experience as a POC at Green Gulch. I searched within myself, and I feel like I can honestly say I have not felt I have been treated differently. Because my race in this community, I think it's a very, very sweet community. And people generally try to be nice and kind to each other. And there are moments I feel like, there are moments I have felt confusions, some fears, self-consciousness.

[46:48]

I have to step forward to say something for myself, to speak up. Speaking a language that's not my native language. And I feel like at those moments, if I'm met with kindness and allowance and space, I really feel it. And there are A few moments, I felt I was not met. Yeah, it's probably true with all human interactions. I think what I'm trying to put forward is this, yeah, that, yeah, for my fellow residents who, yeah, who are not a POC, just to know that. in the struggle at least I as POC have with being in a mostly white community and how much I appreciate the allowance, the space and kindness people show me.

[48:05]

Thank you. Yuki-san. Would you like to offer any closing word or shall we all bow together to say goodnight? You asking me? I am. Thank you very much. Goodnight. Thank you very much. You should now be able to unmute yourself if you want to say goodnight. Thank you, Yuki. Goodnight. Thank you, Yuki. Goodnight. Thank you, Yuki. Thank you, Yuki. Thank you, Yuki.

[49:18]

Thank you very much, Yuki. Good night City Center. Good night, Rikos.

[49:34]

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