This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. of you are in the current practice period? How many of you are residents? And did everybody else come from outside? Would you raise your hands too? I'm asking because I've just been installed a few days ago as the new abyss here, abiding abyss.

[01:16]

And I have lived here in 19... In 2003 I came and I left to city center and lived here and left again in the spring of 2006. And since then, I've been here on Wednesdays, but I don't know everybody that is a resident here yet. I don't know a lot of people or most people that are in the practice period. And I know some that came from outside and a lot not. So I just wanted to acknowledge that. This is the first talk I give since having moved back into the building and after this incredible, incredible ceremony that some of you have been here and some of you may have seen streamed.

[02:18]

Who didn't see and know anything about it? Okay, so you all know something about it. amazing and I wanted to and so to put the ceremony together that happened on Sunday it takes weeks and weeks a couple maybe three months of thinking and then working The whole building has been cleaned from top to bottom. Every nook and cranny got inspected. Walls got painted. People thought about food because the day before, the now former abbot, Ryushin Paul Hallert,

[03:25]

has stepped down to make space for me to step up. Would be nice to share, too, but that's not how it's done. So that also, there was a meal, there was a celebration to say thank you for his nine years of being, holding that position and that function and carrying Suzuki Roshi's heritage along so that now he handed the staff to me. This is like the sport where you run and you hand the staff to the next person so that it continues. And then the next day this other big celebration which for me I had it the easiest I had to you know those statements had to kind of come up and get written down but that was about it you know I was and then I was like carried on a river of support and

[04:54]

wholeheartedness and happiness just, you know, through the whole thing. It was just flowing. So a lot of volunteers helped. The Sheikah, that is the person, Jin, who is responsible for guest rooms, was doing an ever-moving puzzle to accommodate all my siblings that came from Switzerland and New Zealand. The Penzo Rose was cooking and organizing volunteers and putting the fabulous food together. And the day before it was Mary Mosin. And the work leader, Nadia, just did the whole building, cleaning, organizing, and then the flowers were arranged.

[06:01]

Abbot Steve Stuckey was the master of ceremony, so he organized the whole ceremony and rehearsals and everything, and his assistant Miyoki created the invitations and created the reminders and created the programs. And organized also, I mean, innumerable hours went into that. And Joan and I'm sure I'm forgetting again a few people. John Lombardi, I mentioned in the ceremony, who, you know, takes care of the building and the painting and the fixing up of the room I moved in and putting in a new sink. And, you know, always with lots of love and beautiful. And then all of you who came, came. Without you, the ceremony wouldn't happen. It would not be the same. So you all participated in actually, by your presence, making it the way it was.

[07:07]

That's not something one person can do. So everybody's presence does... to what's happening, does contribute to the atmosphere that's created, does contribute to the energy field that's there. And it felt so incredibly wholehearted and kind There was such an immense amount of generosity just there that I said this morning at work meeting, I have many years in front of me where I can give back every day and say thank you.

[08:11]

Because I've lived at Zen Center some around 18 years. I would have to go back and count them exactly. But that's a lot of training and a lot of support. So I'm happy to be able to, in that function, give something back. Even though before I was invited, I started thinking about, oh, I'm turning 65. Maybe I will retire. how could I how would I what would I like to do you know so but life just happens you know on its own terms and we can go with it or we can try to stop it but not very successful so I'm happy to be here I'm really happy to be here

[09:26]

And I'm so curious to see what is going to unfold because I have no idea. And what makes me the most interested is that I am so, to me, it's absolutely evident and no question that actually you truly are in this with me, each single one of you, and that we all will do this together. everybody in their situation. But this is not just me now doing something or doing something to you or not doing it to you or whatever. It really is what in Buddhism we call dependent co-arising. And Rabbi Anderson, my teacher, used to say... you are 100% responsible for everything that happens in the world.

[10:32]

And then he would go, and everybody else is also 100% responsible for what happens in the world. So each one of us is 100% responsible. And that has a a great side to it, because it means we actually have it in our hands, how we relate to what we experience. Blanche, senior Dharma teacher Senki, has on her door You have to be the change you want to see in the world. Is that how it says? It's Gandhi.

[11:37]

So he got it. He knew that we can't wait for somebody else to change it for us. We can't give it away. We... If we want to have friendliness around us, just start being friendly. Then you have it in you, and then it spreads out. And not, oh, because you're not friendly to me, I'm not going to be friendly to you, and there's no friendliness. And so I'm... excited, and I hope you are too, to find out how we do this together and how we bring forth what we all would like. The Dalai Lama has a practice that he recommends, and he says, take five minutes in the morning and cherish... I have it written down.

[12:49]

I thought I might not exactly remember. Spend five minutes at the beginning of the day and remember that we all, each single one being in the world, want the same thing. To be happy and to be loved. And we are all completely, completely, completely interconnected. Then he says, spend five minutes breathing in, cherishing yourself. And breathing out, cherishing others. And if you think of people you have difficulty cherishing them, cherish them anyway. Just give it to them anyway.

[13:52]

And then during the day, extend that attitude to everyone you meet. It's a practice. Cherishing the person at the cash register, your teacher, the person on the street, in the bus that just took the seat you wanted to sit down in, everybody. Everybody equally gets the equal amount. And cherish people you love and cherish people you dislike. Continue this practice no matter what happens or what anyone does to you or you think they do to you. It's a very simple practice, but it's very inspiring and helpful, and what it does is it connects you to the appreciation and the love that is already in our hearts.

[15:06]

We actually don't turn into loving people or start suddenly getting love. It's always there. It's just sometimes it's hard to get the channel open. And that is a wonderful practice to do that. Because it's creating peace in our heart. And if we have peace in our heart, we start generating peace around us. It's actually contagious. Friendliness, peacefulness, generosity is contagious. And he says it's very powerful practice because it's wordless. You don't go around telling everybody you cherish them. You just do it in your heart.

[16:08]

Just practice it. And it brings forward what's already there. Generosity, Love, compassion, empathy, tolerance, and all those nice things we like when they come our way. When Rose the Tenzo, who is from Switzerland like I am, asked her a question in Swiss German, she said that there were a lot of hopes, a lot of expectations, but also some fears and some apprehension around. And my answer to her, if I remember correctly, was something like, and she asked me, what do you see or feel?

[17:14]

And I said, I feel... a tremendous amount of support and love in the room and that I want to know, that I want to hear the hopes and the expectations and the fears and that I will listen. Today I was at the board meeting and they wanted to know, I had to give an first Abyss report after two days. And then also what plans I had, what I wanted to do with all of you. Which was very funny because when first I was asked, I had ideas, you know, what I would like to focus on and I talked about it. But in the meantime, you know, as it came closer over those year of process of getting here, I realized what I want to do is just be here.

[18:22]

There's no plan. And I want to meet every single one of the residents. And I want to hear from you what you feel is the edge of your practice here. What here, being here, supports you in your practice? What is it? And what or what do you feel you need to be supported in your practice? And I'm... happy to meet anybody else who wants to come talk to me about how they practice with their lives because that's all we have to practice with is our very own life completely in its particulars we can't practice anybody else's life you might wish to have somebody else's life but usually when we do that we only want a little part you know

[19:40]

not the whole thing, not the husband or the wife, but maybe the job or maybe the car or maybe the money or maybe the house. But if we look at the whole picture, usually we don't want the whole thing. And we couldn't have it anyway. But we have our life, which is infinitely precious and has everything in it all the time. to enable us to be fully human, fully awake, and fully... There's a third word. This is Pema Chodron who says that. I can't remember it right now. But it's always there. All the ingredients are always there. Do you know what it is? Something like that. Maybe present. I don't know. Anyway, fully.

[20:42]

Fully everything. Fully alive, is what she said. Fully alive, I think. And that is good news. Because it's always with us. Every breath, every moment. So... What time is it, Ino-san? Where are you? 8.15. Okay. We have a few more minutes. Everybody's also quite tired after preparing for this ceremony. So I want to make it short today. Does anybody have a question or comment? Yes, Janine. In relation to being fully alive, I often feel like I'm just sort of just shy of fully alive for various reasons.

[21:49]

And I'm always trying to kind of like count that as fully alive. And there's the line of the gender form about... I can't remember exactly, but we need to speak to it. Yes, but... predicament of how to actually engage fully the feeling of missing something. Far from it, it feels like, you know, it seems like it's closer, it seems like there's something just You know, that line is always a puzzle. It truly is. Just the one that's a puzzle for me, too.

[22:53]

And I would say to just be open, to not know, not know, but feel the message. Rather than trying to go, what is it that is missing? Just be open to the feeling of missing. And when it feels fully alive, just to be open to that. I think it's a trap to think... Both ways. To think, now I'm close. You know. And that's why something is missing. Then we're sunk. Or now I'm far away because I feel close. Then it's not going to work that way.

[23:56]

But if we can... It's a little bit like a flower opening in the day and closing in the night. Just... and carry it around as a question. And when you find something, tell me. Yes? Cristina, when you were young, a young girl, or a little older than that, what was your favorite toy, or game, or the sort of creative outlet? What thing that do you sort of bring forward into this role, or do you? I didn't much play with dolls. And when I got one, I cut its hair and put on pants.

[25:00]

Because I wanted to be a boy. Badly. But when I got, I think, in my 20s, I thought it's much better to be a woman. I felt as a woman there was much more space for, much more space to be many things. And I felt men had a really hard lot. They had to... get a career and they had to, you know, earn money and they couldn't choose between being a mother or, you know, going to work. It just felt much more restricted to me. And I wouldn't have traded it then, but when I was small I would have traded immediately. Because it felt like there was more freedom in being a boy than there was in a girl, but later it felt the opposite.

[26:09]

I like playing cowboys and Indians and climbing trees and wrestling with boys and being stronger. And maybe that carries over. Let's see. Okay. Maybe we have some wrestling matches sometime. I just had one recently with a friend. It was fun. Yes. So, this year we are celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Corporation of Mbam Yat-Zahar. And I wonder if you could say a word about what it means to be the spiritual head of students that are particular on the 15th year.

[27:21]

The first thing that comes to my mind is that it's just unbelievable. You know, just the whole thing has a total unbelievable element in it. It feels like it was just inevitably happening. You know, it was just, you know, Marsha and I felt like we have some choice, but very quickly we realized that's just, you know, thinking you have a choice, but actually it's already happening. You know, we can try to stop it or slow it down, but it's like a tsunami coming. And so... I think I'm gonna find out more in the course of this year what that means. When I went back to Switzerland and was there for a few years, there I realized the family feeling of Suzuki's lineage, which when

[28:41]

you're here, you don't necessarily know it, but when I went back to Switzerland and then met with these other Dharma groups, I could see how different it was and how much it was Suzuki Roshi's way. And so I think that we have a year where we can surface that and make it more tangible, I think is what I feel. about it. And it feels like, it really feels a little bit like it's helping me, it will help me enormously because he will get even closer and I can lean a little more on him when I need it. He will just be right there because we will bring him forward. Because it's his 50th birthday of year of this creation that happened around him.

[29:49]

So I think it's time, is it? Yes. Okay. Can you wait with your questions till some other time? Good. You said I can have one more question? Does it help to have one more question? You know, it's like stopping just before you're completely full. It's actually much nicer. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[30:54]

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