This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. So nice to be here virtually. I think it's been 20 years since I was living at City Center, and it's nice to be back. So as I understand it, you are in the middle of a practice period focused on bodhisattvas. It's a great focus for this era. because we all need some inspiration right now. So what better way to inspire ourselves than focusing on bodhisattvas? So my question for you today is, what does it really take to free all beings?

[01:06]

This is something that we say when we take the bodhisattva vows. What does it really mean? What does it take? to free all beings. And I want to invite you to start by thinking of three bodhisattvas, three bodhisattvas that you're aware of. So go ahead and name those for yourself. And if you want, you can even put them in the chat. Three bodhisattvas. Which ones come to mind for you? What is a bodhisattva anyway? I think you've been talking about this already, but I just thought I would review a little bit. A bodhisattva carries out the work of a Buddha, worker bees of the world.

[02:10]

Bodhisattvas vow not to take final enlightenment. Until all beings together throughout all of time and space also are simultaneously enlightened. So this is the core aspect of a bodhisattva. Bodhisattvas, and if we have taken the bodhisattva vows, we, we vow not to take final enlightenment until all beings throughout space and time together. are also enlightened. Every single activity of body, speech, and mind is driven by the want or even the need to help all beings, to help others. So for a bodhisattva, everything that we do in every aspect of our day must be driven by the need.

[03:14]

to help others. And this isn't something we have to think about. This is something that naturally arises in our practice as we practice, as we sit zazen and watch our thoughts and drop them and let our mind still, as we allow our ego to drop and less of me gets in the way. then we can naturally open to the needs of all beings around us. Sometimes this happens when people are practicing just sort of spontaneously. We really see the cries of the world. And it's almost overwhelming. Earlier this spring, I felt that way. when the pandemic really got started.

[04:15]

And then this week I learned a new word, which is a syndemic, is when more than one pandemic collide. So we had the pandemic of COVID-19 overlapping with the pandemic of systemic racism at the same time. And I had the image of Avalokiteshvara when taking the Bodhisattva vow to save all beings, the vow was so huge that their head exploded into 11 heads. And that felt so real to me. How are we going to do all this? It's so big. And yet, as bodhisattvas, or aspiring bodhisattvas, as aspiring bodhisattvas, it's not a choice. It's something that very naturally compels us. We can't help it. In my work as a chaplain in a hospital, I was speaking with a Catholic priest who was present during the surge in New York where I am.

[05:29]

His name is Father Ron. And I said, I was like, he's not young. And yet he showed up every day to the hospital. And I said, Father Ron, how did you do that? And he was like, well, I couldn't not be there. Very simple. And yet led by his vow, led by his practice, a whole lifetime of practice as a priest brought him to that point where despite his fear, and he was afraid, he had no choice at all. He couldn't not be there. Likewise, we can't not be here. We can't not show up for the suffering of all sentient beings. Every single activity of body, speech, and mind is driven by our need to help others. Uchiha Makosho Roshi often spoke about...

[06:38]

the difference between regular humans and humans on the Bodhisattva path by saying that the difference is whether we live according to causes and conditions, whether we live by the karma, or whether we live by vow. Causes and conditions are here no matter what karma just is. But when we take a vow, That vow can pull us along in a way that's beneficial. How do we know that we are truly beneficial? How do we know that our body, speech, and mind is showing up in a way that's truly beneficial for all beings? It's not about some beings. We can't leave any out. Those we like, those we don't like, they all must be part of our Bodhisattva vow. Bodhisattvas and Buddhas have very slightly different roles.

[07:47]

A bodhisattva delivers sentient beings. It's a thought of delivering sentient beings. But in other words, a bodhisattva is in this world. Bodhisattva delivers sentient beings, still knowing that there is an I and there are sentient beings. A Buddha, however, delivers sentient beings with no thought at all. Absolutely no separation between a Buddha and sentient beings. So this is a basic difference. And the book that you have all been using, Faces of Compassion, names a few Bodhisattvas. There are more. So... Who are they? In every day, in every single age, there are people who live as bodhisattvas, as aspiring bodhisattvas.

[08:47]

People who take the vows to live for the benefit of all beings. People motivated by suffering of the world, who can't help but want to do something about it. So I'd ask you, what are the particular obstacles that show up to becoming bodhisattvas now and to facilitating the work of bodhisattvas in the world around us? So what obstacles show up for us as well as for others in the world? So I want to take a minute and hear from you. Who are some of the bodhisattvas that you named? And you can either... I can't see everybody, but I can look at the chat and see some of them that you put in here.

[09:49]

Thich Nhat Hanh. RBG is here. Manjushri. Khanal Bodhisattva. Shobhya, my mom. Oh, sweet. I see a few here. Who are bodhisattvas and what obstacles do we either intentionally or non-intentionally put in their way? John Lewis, Mahaprajnapati, Kwan Yin, a lot more showing up. Who are the bodhisattvas in our midst today? My teacher, let me back up. No, I want to name that. My teacher, Tessa Yamamoto Roshi, today is his birthday.

[10:56]

And so I would like to name that and express gratitude to him for his teachings and for allowing me to be here today. He has taught me so much. And... One of the things that he's taught me are about the bodhisattva vow. So you can see right behind me, and this is always here, not just for today, is an image of Kano Bodhisattva. So this image was in my teacher's tea room for many, many years. My teacher always teaches that a bodhisattva is neither male nor female. He's up as neither man or female. And he said this many times. So you can see this one, too. It has some what we would call masculine characteristics and some of what we would call feminine characteristics. But it's not identifiable as one or the other. And my teacher says that as monks, this is who we should be.

[12:01]

Should be neither male or female. And he said, that's how we have to present. You know, you can see that we dress very simply, that we don't have hair. And my teacher is also fond of saying, you know, Tinku, you really exemplify this because, you know, you're actually, you don't look like a woman at all. So some of the examples he cites are, I'm quite tall, at least compared to Japanese women. And I know how to use a weed whacker. So he's like, you know how to use a weed whacker. So, you know, you're not male nor female. And I'm like, all right, then I'll take that. You know, great. Neither male nor female. Bodhisattva should be. And yet sometimes we make them one or the other.

[13:04]

Why do we do that? I'm not sure. You know, what comes up that makes us do this? And I'd ask you, what's a bodhisattva when nobody's looking at it? What are they? Are they male? Are they female? Because, you know, in the language that we use, the language is often male. Bodhisattvas are referred to as he or him. The imagery that we see... Especially some of the imagery, you know, the Gandharvan Buddha that you have at City Center, that's a very male type of image. Sometimes you'll see images of bodhisattvas that have a feminine shape and a mustache. So this is that neither male nor female quality that is considered the ideal. So language is often male.

[14:04]

We often call them he or him. The imagery is often male. And then our leadership is often male. And sometimes we have an idea that this is something that doesn't exist anymore. And I want to encourage you to let go of that idea. Because it exists now, even in the modern era, even as I sit here in the teaching seat giving a talk. It's okay. I put it down, holding my teacher's teacher's stick, which comes to me from the male tradition. Or does it, you know, does that all who is in the tradition? When our language is male, our imagery is male, and our leadership is male, things can start to feel out of balance.

[15:04]

As the Soto Zen Buddhist Association president, some years back when I first got kind of interested in this, I asked for a demographics survey to see Sorry, that was my cat knocking over my clock because this is Zoom and that kind of thing happens even when you lock out your bodhisattva feline. So where was I? So our leadership. So I took a survey and I wanted to know not just how many, what the split was, male and female in terms of dharma teachers, but how that was showing up in the next generation. And this was some years back. And to my utter surprise, what I found was that in my generation, and at that time I classified it as people who were age 55 and younger, the people with dharma transmission

[16:25]

In the Soto Zen Buddhist Association, there were 80% men. That wasn't our idea of what was going to happen. We never thought, well, only men are going to be the next generation of leaders. But it did. It happened. So how did that happen? And what barriers does that put up for us? Especially those of us who are born in female body. When we look around, And we see mostly male leaders. It does something to us. You know, we feel out of place. Do I belong here? Really? Yeah, I can't say that that's like a cognizant thing, but it's sort of, we ingest it. Many years ago when I went to a monastery in Japan for a while for a specialized training, It was a place that did not accept women, but they allowed women to come in for a short period of time.

[17:31]

Ostensibly, it was a women's practice period. And I went. I was very excited to go. It was pretty soon after I ordained. And it's a beautiful old monastery where they actually have Dogen Zenji's robes there. And they have a little bitty museum. And there were some other women there. And we were told that we shouldn't attract attention to ourselves. We were put in a separate part of the monastery, and we could practice, but we had to sort of self-contain. We weren't to interact at all. And we were given a very stern lecture about how we should be in that monastery as females, as human beings in female form. And that was, you know, we should not flirt with the monks. And we should not be invisible spaces. We should never go into the monks' quarters, etc.

[18:32]

And so I went, again, I was very fired up to practice. And I went and I practiced diligently and in many ways really loved it there. And I was like, okay. I'm following instructions. I am not going to draw attention to myself. And a few things. One thing, what did the group of women we ended up doing? We did a lot of cleaning. Second, there started to be a little bit of infighting just among the women. And then, you know, the ceremony happened. Everything went fine. And I thought I was doing just fine. Until at the end of that practice period, that monastery is near to Aheji, which is the head monastery of Septuzen, a couple of the monks offered to drive me over to Aheji. So I was leaving anyway.

[19:34]

And I was like, yes, I'm going to go. It's so exciting. And so we got into this truck and we left. And as soon as we drove through the monastery gates, I felt this enormous weight fall off of me, and I felt like sobbing. And I was completely surprised by that. The monks were trying to talk to me, and I couldn't follow what they were saying. What happened to me? What was that? And I realized that... For that whole time I had been there, I had been trying to negate myself. I had been trying to make my own self invisible. I had been trying not to show up in female form, even though that's how I'm born. You know, I can't help that.

[20:36]

So in what ways do we prevent others from fully manifesting their bodhisattva vows? In what ways do we prevent ourselves from manifesting our bodhisattvas? It goes together. If we are seeing bodhisattvas or teachers or language or whatever, if we are seeing them as male, then we're not truly seeing them. If we're seeing them as male, it's because we make them male. Again, a bodhisattva is neither male nor female. If we look at it, with our eyes, and see an image that's male, we're creating that. You know, of course, the artist that created it is also creating. We are co-creating that. When this happens, this is not wisdom. Because the wisdom that realizes emptiness sees neither male or female.

[21:39]

No separation there. So we're seeing male. We're still seeing me in there. And this is how we get skewed. When we get skewed like that, when we stop seeing female, then the range goes way over here. And so then what we start to see is neutral is neutral way over here. Neutral for men. But we've completely left out. And we do this not just, you know, with women. We do this with race as well. If we start to see normal as white, then we get way over here and we're way out of balance. And this out of balance hurts us. Of course it hurts others, but it hurts us because it prevents us from fully manifesting our own vows that we took ourselves of our own volition.

[22:41]

We can't wake up. unless all beings simultaneously wake up. So we get quite skewed. I mentioned that I used to practice at City Center about 20 years ago, but sometime later I went back to City Center for Sashin. The Sashin was led by Shohaku Okomura, and it was on the the dignified conduct of practiced Buddhas. I was very into this sashin and very excited about it and happy to be there. And, you know, it felt really good. When I had lived there before, I was not ordained, but for the sashin, I was a nun and I practiced it. I'm going to exemplify the dignified conduct of practiced Buddhas. And I had a... An idea in my mind of who that was.

[23:44]

Because I had been recently at the women's. There's a women's monastery in Japan. Led by a teacher called Shundo Aoyama. And she is so. Dignified. And wonderful and warm. And she works very hard. She has all of these qualities of a bodhisattva. Vision. Compassion. warmth, industriousness, work. And I was like, dignified, so do this. And at that time, Blanche Hartman was there and she took me aside and she was like, Tinku, you don't need to try so hard. And I was like, what are you talking about, Blanche? And she shared a story with me. And she sent me it in an email. So I'm just going to find it here and read you the email.

[24:51]

So when Blanche was practicing at City Center, her teacher at the time told her that he wanted her to take up the practice of do nothing for the eyes of the beholder. So she said, you know, being a good monk, I said, yes, I will. And then she walked down the hall from the Doksan room on the way back to the Zen Dome, because they were in Sashin, and she started to look over her shoulder. And then she realized that even though there were no eyes looking at her, she was still trying to look. like she was doing a good job. And she realized that her teacher had shown her something about herself that she hadn't yet realized. And then she thought, well, I'll have to fix that.

[25:53]

And then the next thing she said, no, if I fix that, I'll be doing something for his eyes. And then she said, oh my God, I don't know what I'm going to do. And so she ran to her room and pulled the covers over her head. Big, right? It's a lot. Who are we when we're not doing this practice for the eyes of someone else? That's my question to you. Who are we? You know, when Blanche said that to me, I said, she said, Tinker, you don't have to be so perfect. And I was like thinking to myself, the heck I don't. I do have to use perfect because you don't understand, Blanche. I, you know, in Japan, nuns have to look perfect all the time. If we have a little string on our koromo, our rope, then we get scolded for that. And if our ropes are not, see, even now I have that habit.

[26:56]

They're not quite lined up. Then somebody is going to point that out to us. We have to go the extra mile to present as perfect. At least that's my impression at that time. So there's an extra expectation of not. We don't have any wiggle room there. You know, over time, I really started to ingest what she said and to stop censoring myself so much. And as my practice continued and I was able to start letting go, of the need to do this practice for the eyes of others, then my natural characteristics just came up all by themselves. So I really want to encourage you to believe that this is possible. This is possible. Bodhisattvas exemplify compassion, wisdom,

[28:04]

work, moving through different realms, all of these things. And there is nothing male about that. And you know what? There's nothing female about that either. Just is. We tend to think in the West, we have identified people Kandam Bodhisattva as female. In Vajrayana Buddhism, female is wisdom. Compassion is male. Just like that, we flipped it. All that we thought we knew, gone. Just like that. Wisdom is female. Is it? Wisdom is light.

[29:07]

Wisdom is emptiness. Wisdom is space. Wisdom is wisdom. And no matter who we are in our physical body, we can exemplify that bodhisattva quality and see that in others. Who are the bodhisattvas when eyes are not upon us? Who are our bodhisattvas when we're not thinking about how others look? might judge that. Who would we pick then? Whose eyes are we doing this for? I wonder if you can think of three bodhisattvas, three beings who exemplify the bodhisattva ideal, or the bodhisattvas that we identify when eyes are not upon us. And if you're feeling like sharing, you can put them in the chat.

[30:14]

Or you can say three of them. Who is a bodhisattvas when no one is looking? Who inspires your practice? Maybe someone you don't even know their name. Who exemplifies those qualities? You know, when I think of also Blanche, I think of... Samanta Bhadra, when I saw her, there's an image, there's a photo of her, I think it's before a ceremony, and she's talking to some nicely dressed people, and she's holding the dust mop that she was always pushing around. It's that Samanta Bhadra energy. And I think of her in terms of wisdom when I needed advice. Or, you know, sometimes she could be very pleased sharp that's wisdom manjushri holds a sword that cuts through delusions or i think of the bodhisattva characteristic of compassion when i remember how kind she was when one of the residents had a friend who died and how tender she was with him

[31:35]

was so sweet to see. And I think of the Bodhisattva of Jizo when I see her going out into the streets or meeting with such a variety of different people. How do we ourselves exemplify these qualities led by our vow? Led by our vow. Beings are numberless. My vow is to free them. It's a vow that never ends. And what that means is that there are limitless possibilities. The challenge for us today is to understand how we limit others or limit ourselves. When I first arrived at City Center, I was pretty young.

[32:51]

I think I was 30. And I was very excited to be there. I was very excited to be in a temple, but I was very excited to be there. But I'd gotten sick. I'd been out at Green Gulch for a practice period, and I got pneumonia. I was feeling awful. So I arrived, and I... I went to the, just kind of sat in the back of the Buddha hall, and I went to the opening talk for the practice period, and I just felt rotten. I just wanted to go and get in bed. And I left the Buddha hall, and I must have been just, you know, I had a fever, I was all pale, I was, you know, trying not to spread my contagion anywhere, just so I was trying to stay away from people. And Just leaving the Buddha, somebody came up to me and just to talk. It was a man and he kind of invited himself to my room sometime.

[33:56]

And just like that, that full of. Full of fervor, full of joy, full of purpose, just went. and just kind of deflated. And I felt so awful. That's not why I was there. In what ways do we do this? Not just in the Zenda or the Buddha hall, but in society. In what ways do we not only prevent others from fully shining, but also prevent ourselves from waking up? Because until we wake up together, nobody wakes up. So if we aren't noticing some of the bodhisattvas in our midst, and if we're not allowing their Buddha nature to shine, then we're also hurting ourselves. Who are we in this practice when no eyes are upon us?

[35:02]

You know, why are we here in this practice period? Are we... studying about bodhisattvas? Are we really here to be bodhisattvas? And if so, what are we willing to give up for that? And if not, what are we doing? These are the questions I have. Are we willing to say, it's okay, you go first. It's all right, you can talk. You know, I've already spoken a lot. I'd like to hear from you. Who are you, by the way? Tell me about yourself. Are we willing to get out of the way and let others step forward? And if not, what's holding us back? And even a little further, at what point are we willing to say what I'm doing,

[36:13]

is racist. I don't like this about myself. I want to change. How can I work on that? What I'm doing is sexist. That's holding others back. And in holding others back, it holds me back too. How can I change this? I think about this all the time. Really, I'm serious. I think about this all the time. I wanted to end my talk with somebody who really inspires me, a story at least that really inspires me. And I was a little torn. You know, I told you I work in a hospital and these days, you know, who inspires me is nurses. They take care of anyone and everyone, regardless of how they treat them.

[37:15]

And sometimes they treat them quite badly, the patients. And they still show up every day and still care for them. But the one I really wanted to share with you is my teacher's Dharma sister. Her name was Maura O'Halloran. And she went to Japan when she was quite young, in her 20s. And she practiced very diligently, often on her own. with no eyes upon her, and sometimes a lot of eyes upon her, because she got attention for being a foreign woman. And then that would flip, you know, and then nobody would be around. Regardless of whether she was in the public sphere or practicing in the dark of the Zendo before the others had woken up, she kept going and kept practicing. And as she practiced and really learned to drop her idea

[38:16]

of her as a separate self, then her compassion, which was already very much present, really naturally just came out of every pore and infected everyone around her. Now, if you hear people talk about her, they still, many, many years later, they still have this feeling of spaciousness that they remember from her. She practiced very diligently, and she woke up. And not too long afterwards, she died in an accident. And after she died, her diaries were found. And, you know, our diaries are who we are for no one's eyes but our own.

[39:19]

Right? So Blanche's question really came up for me during this time. Who are we? Whose eyes are we doing this for? Who are we when no eyes are upon us? Whose eyes are we doing this for? And this is what she had to say. This is from her diary, again, written for herself, not for anyone else, but her. at 26 years old. I'm 26, and I feel as if I've lived my life. Any desires, ambitions, hopes I may have had have either been fulfilled or spontaneously dissipated. I'm totally content. Of course, I want to go deeper, see clearer, But even if I could only have this paltry, shallow awakening, I'd be quite satisfied.

[40:26]

Facing into a long, cold winter is not only fine, but I know I'll enjoy it. Everything seems wonderful. I'd be embarrassed to tell anyone. But now I have maybe another 50 years. 60 years, who knows? I want to live it for other people. What else is there to do with it? Not that I expect to change the world or even a blade of grass, but it's as if to give myself is all I can do, as the flowers have no choice but to blossom. At this moment, The best I can do is to give to people this freedom, this bliss, and how better than through zazen. So I must work hard and go deeper, no longer for me, but for everyone.

[41:34]

I can help. How are we going to do this? Going forward, the world really needs us. There's a lot of suffering around us. We can't afford to shut down. We don't have time for that. The world is literally burning. People are suffering. Sickness, old age and death all around us. So how are we, as aspiring bodhisattvas, going to show up for every single sentient being? Not just those that we like, but everyone. Even those who are angry. Even those who are rich. Even those who are mean to us. Even those we don't know at all.

[42:35]

How are we going to manifest our bodhisattva vow to save all beings without exception? This is my question for you. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[43:16]

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