Why don't I look at you? Yes. Sitting here, I just remembered that I built these things. This seat here and this thing here. And I see a real big design flaw here. It's really hard to get closely and see the errors. You know, it's really something to be doing something that makes you shake. Holding this thing. It's trembling, trembling. Well, I'm glad you asked that. You know, fear and excitement

[01:20]

just about the same way, and they feel just about the same way. This is excitement. I hope. Oh, so what I wanted to start off with, what's this sound like? Oh, okay, I feel like I'm in a toilet paper tube. I can erase that, okay? I have no idea where that came from. What I wanted to start off with was a koan. So the student comes in to see the teacher. This time the student is stupid. And the teacher is sitting down in the kitchen weighing out flax. Flax, is that seeds?

[02:24]

Flax seeds, I suppose. And so the student, who I suspect has been around for a long time and has practiced a lot, finally, maybe, gets a chance to actually say something to the teacher by himself. And so he figures, okay, I'm gonna ask not why, having trouble with so-and-so or are really quite upset because everybody leaves their Marley mugs everywhere and actually has their room full of Marley mugs. And I'm the one that has to go find them and pick them up and take them and wash after everybody and all that sort of stuff. So instead of that, my usual kind of practice discussion, I'm going to ask the most important question I can think of. So he goes in and he says to the teacher, what? What? what is Buddha? Or, what is the Buddha way?

[03:25]

Or, what is the nature of reality? And the teacher looks up and says, three pounds of flax. I don't know if that disappoints you as much as it does me as an answer, but I'll come back to it. As you may not have guessed, I want to talk about Sangha tonight based on that koa. And the reason I want to talk about Sangha is a conversation I had the other day with one of you, who's not here, who said we're talking about practice and what it's like living here and all. And as the trust grew between us, he finally said, you know, I got here and these people aren't Buddhas.

[04:31]

And that made me very excited because I think it's very, very important to get to that point. where you find out that these people who live this strange way in this big place with these strange practices are not Buddhas. They're jerks, just like me. I think that's an essential point. So Sangha, well, let me just add that, of course, the Buddha had a different idea. I suspect he started from the same place. What's wrong with these people? Then finally woke up and said, oh, my God, we're all liberated. We're all perfect. We're all marvelous and wonderful. But first, was it a cornfields book? I never quite read it, but I did buy it because of the title. First, the ecstasy, then the laundry.

[05:38]

After the ecstasy, the laundry. Thank you. But I think it really helps to start with the laundry, then the ecstasy, then the laundry. So, you know, in sangha, that's our word. That's not our word, actually. It's a Pali word that means, at least we translate it into English, as an association of folks, of an assembly, a company. or even to go so far as to say a community that has a common goal, vision and purpose. I think three things we long for. Last weekend, what's his name? Barry Magid, who's a psychoanalyst and Zen teacher, certified.

[06:45]

Zen teacher, was talking about how we tend to idealize teachers and some of the problems involved when we idealize teachers and some of the problems when teachers idealize themselves. And I thought that's a great way to talk about sangha, a great way to look at sangha. By which I mean that I think our practice together is slowly and hopefully surely goes from the ideal to the real. When you think about some of our ceremonies, we speak of the Buddha as the perfect teacher. The perfect teacher. We speak of Dharma as the perfect teaching. We speak of Sangha as the perfect life. What I think from an ideal point of view... Perfect teacher means something out of reach.

[07:48]

I can never be like that. But when you think of the Buddha, not quite like this statue. This statue is more realistic, more practical, because it's Greek, of Greek influence. Very, very, very human. But most of them aren't like that, as you probably know. They're either gold-leafed or they seem very remote. one of the great things of India was being able to see these gigantic, colossal Buddhas. I can worship something like that, but it's not going to help me so much, I think. I think I need something a little more real that I can relate to. So at any rate, oh, and in the Bodhi Temple, and I've said this before, and I enjoy saying it, so I'll say it again, there's a, in the bowels of the temple, which is pretty big, There's this statue, which I guess is gold leaf now. And the first time I saw it, I thought it was maybe painted.

[08:50]

Somebody might have stolen that one. This one replaced it. But the great thing about it was that, for me, was that behind it was this hero of LED lights. It was fabulous, just fabulous. There's nothing I could relate to. other than it just being fabulous. It doesn't really have much to do with my life, other than maybe moments of grandiosity. Then we can idealize the Dharma by pushing it out of reach, by calling it true, pure, incorruptible, beyond our understanding. We can idealize the Sangha, pushing it out of reach, by calling it virtuous, unerring, incorruptible. In other words, people by people not like us. So I think with our practice, it's not as though we choose it.

[09:58]

I think if we live together long enough, it comes to us. Reality starts to break painfully through to us. And I think most often we think there's a mistake that's happened when reality starts to show its ugly face. Of course, the ugliness is just a mask for the beauty of things. So what I wanted to look at was some things that some people have said about a teacher. In a sense, not so much the perfect teacher as the real teacher. It's a real teacher. And that if you replace the word teacher with sangha, I think it fits perfectly. So Reggie Ray, who's a Dianna teacher, has said this about a teacher. He said, the authentic teacher is an ongoing, the authentic teacher is on a journey, him or herself.

[11:09]

When you sign up to study with such a person, you are not putting yourself in line to receive a fixed body of teaching or information that is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow that you can then own. Such is the approach of spiritual materialism. Rather, you are joining the teacher in the journey that he or she is making. You are entering fully into the dynamic, never-ending process of the teacher's life. In working with a teacher... You are therefore not learning something so much as learning slowly, painfully, and over time, how to be. You are first mate on a voyage into the unknown, and always you are making the voyage together with your teacher. That strikes a note of realism in my mind. So when you think of sangha... The same applies.

[12:10]

Listen, the authentic sangha is on a journey. When you sign up to study with such a group, you are not putting yourself in line to receive a fixed body of teaching or information that you can then own, such as the approach of spiritual materialism. Rather, you are joining a sangha in the journey that it is on. You are entering fully into the dynamic, never-ending process of of the sangha's life. In working with this sangha, you are therefore not learning something so much as learning slowly, painfully, and over time, how to be. Isn't that neat? When you walk in through these doors, it's not like you're just a stranger new in town. You're actually joining the life of a group. You're joining its... Precious, intimate, transparent, where nothing is hidden, life.

[13:15]

I think the thing that makes it bearable is that it's the Buddha's journey. The Sangha and the Buddha and the Dharma are not different. They're not three different things. They're the same thing. Wouldn't that be nice to remember that? It's difficult. David Schneider is another Zen teacher. He says this. He says the Zen master is a liminal figure. I looked up liminal. It's that consciousness which is just a point above unconsciousness. So it's really hard to grasp. The Zen master is supposed to be the fount of wisdom. but is as ignorant as anybody else about the ordinary problems of life. Is supposed to be enlightened, but is fallible and weak. Is said to have gone beyond life and death, but is vulnerable and needy.

[14:24]

Is supposed to be a bodhisattva, but insults you and throws you out. A friend who is also an enemy. A master who is a nobody. What if Buddha were a human being? Oh, I don't know if that has poignancy for me, but it does for you, but it does for me. I was in, sorry, I was in seminary learning all about the truth many years ago. And I only got, I think I only got 1A. in seminary. I had other things to do. I was in my 20s. Well, good. I'm glad some of you have had a life. But I did get an A on this one.

[15:25]

And it was because of the course. In the course, it was on union psychology. And the paper that I wrote was in response to a paper that Jung wrote, which was called, Christ as Symbol of the Self. That I could relate to. Christ as a human being, mirroring me. I can relate to that. The God thing? No, I couldn't relate to that. So I, you remember when Buddha was asked what he was, he was asked, you know, are you an angel? And he said, no. Are you a god? And he said, no. What are you? And he said, awake. I don't think he went as far as to say, I am awake. I think that's probably too much. But he said, awake. He's awakening himself. Awakening... Is it a medical thing?

[16:27]

Never mind. It's not important. So to find out... So what these... definitions or descriptions of a Zen teacher are and of a Buddhist sangha is something real. Something that we can relate to because it's real and fallible and human just like us. Who else? Maybe this is David Schneider too but I'm not sure. He says that It was understood that the teacher would test one's patience and fortitude endlessly. A person seeking knowledge must first be tested to determine if he or she is worthy. Rudeness on the part of the teacher is the first phase of the test.

[17:27]

Then somebody asks, you mean if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you in any old way he likes and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his views and things. The person goes on to say, quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, but you must defend it nobly, not by imitating his own low behavior. If you are gentle where he is rough, if you are polite where he is uncouth, then he will recognize you as potentially worthy. The master provides conflict, The student accepts it and works with it. Let me just say that. Let me just change the word to Sangha. It was understood that the Sangha would test one's patience and fortitude endlessly. Rootness on the part of the Sangha is the first phase of the test.

[18:30]

You know what people say, sometimes they say, that... They find us cold and unfriendly, which for introverts like myself, I mean, I couldn't ask for more. But for other people who like friendliness and all, it can be very difficult. However... Yeah, so... What did I just do with that page? That's the first part of the test, the rudeness, or maybe the aloofness, or maybe just the personalities of the people. They're the first test. And I remember at some of the first insults I received, I could have asked this question, if you allow them to be uncivil, to treat you in any old way they like, and to insult your dignity, then they may deem you fit to hear their views of things.

[19:44]

But he says, quite the contrary, you must defend your integrity, but you must defend it nobly, not by imitating their low behavior. If you are gentle where they are rough, if you are polite where they are uncouth, then they will recognize you as potentially worthy. Sangha provides conflict. The student accepts it and works with it. I think the point, I remember when, I guess it's from some years ago where my bishop who was my mentor for, as it turns out, like three, five years. When I see it from this point of view, Think how lucky I was. I didn't realize it at the time because I resented terribly when I stopped looking up at him and looked down and saw that his feet were clay.

[20:48]

Do you know what that expression means? Is that a contemporary thing or just somebody over the hill like this? Clay means human. Human. that they're not gods, that they're not angels. And what I know now, which I'll pass on to you, what it might be worth is that that's the point of connection with the gods, with the truth. When you notice that they are human, that they are beings just like you, just like you. Otherwise, there's no connection It's not their feet of clay. It's what they do with the feet of clay. It's what they do with their humanity. It's how they handle it, how they practice with it, how it has shaped their character, who they've become, and how their practice has revealed their Buddha nature because of their feet of clay, because of it.

[21:59]

That's like when we bitch and moan about our suffering. I know it hurts and it's awful, but it's through that very thing that liberation comes and it comes through nothing else. Nothing else. The end of suffering only comes from suffering. So there hasn't been some big mistake. There hasn't been a design flaw like this little lectern thing. So really, this is the time of year for those of us who live here, and it may be the time of year for those of you who live out there and are doing the same old praying over and over and over and over again, work, life, usually somebody will ask, why am I here? Why am I here? Where the juice runs out, you actually forgot. You forgot the ideals that brought you here because they've been tested and they've been shown up

[23:03]

to be of clay. Now that's bad news for the seeker of the ideal. It's good news for the follower of the way. Someone has put it, why we're here, in this way, an aspirant. which I suspect is each one of us, must be willing to jettison the usual social order and to step onto a path of surrender and constant embarrassment. Complaint has no place here, as fun as it is, unless one has come to a place of desperation, it would be best to avoid a path like Zen. Is that cool to belong to an outfit that could say something like that? I'll say it again.

[24:06]

An aspirant must be willing to jettison the usual social order, the way we've been taught and trained and conditioned to be, to think, to see, and be willing to step onto a path of surrender and constant embarrassment. Complaint has no place here. Unless one has come to a place of desperation, it would do best to avoid a path like that. We vow... to face it, everything. One more word about the student in the Sangha. Somebody has said that the teacher must be able to see that student as blessed, as graced, as accepted and affirmed unconditionally that even though the student's behavior in the world may be seen as inadequate or a failure, in their self-nature they are blessed, good, beautiful, they lack nothing, their poverty is fullness.

[25:16]

And why do we say that? Because it just might be the truth, that Buddha nature is Buddha nature, including its delusions and mistakes. So we might say the same with the Sangha. The Sangha must be able to see each one of us as blessed and graced and accepted and affirmed unconditionally. That even though each of our behavior may be seen as inadequate or a failure, that in our own self-nature we are blessed, good, beautiful, we lack nothing, And our poverty is fullness. Dogen, in the Tenzo Kyokun, the instructions to the cook, the head cook, he said, don't be fooled. He said, but even those who are beneath you or the most annoying are treasures of the monastery.

[26:24]

In other words, each one of us is a treasure of the Sangha. Each one of us is a treasure of the Sangha. No matter what you think, no matter what you think to the contrary, no matter what each of us may mistakenly think about each other, each of us is a treasure. And one of us missing is an incomplete treasure. I want to just to... And there are some people here that have to bolt. Ah, good, at 8.30. So I wanted to end by just saying a few words about the place of the heart in Zen practice. I heard the other day from somebody that they thought that there's too much talk about compassion in Zen, which was a delight to hear.

[27:29]

So I thought it was just the opposite. We talk about wisdom a lot. We certainly do honor and adore wisdom. At least what we think it is. You know, that kind of special esoteric hidden knowledge that if we try really, really hard and be really, really good, that it will be revealed to us and we will no longer be the person that we are. I don't know. I think that may be an idealized understanding of wisdom. But at least to me it means... seeing what's happening in its richness, in its filth, in its glory, in its beauty, in its ugreness, knowing that those are only words that describe our own mind. So being willing to face the truth, I think, is probably closer to my idea of wisdom. So thinking that we only talk about wisdom at the price of compassion, I've spent a lot of time

[28:32]

talking about compassion. And I think the English word is not the same, really, but love. I think it doesn't really hurt to hear that word too often from halls like this. That kind of... Actually, I mean the technical... Of course, love is a big word. It means too many things. But that's sort of unconditional positive regard, for lack of anything else to say. a heart, that that comes from the heart that is the connection, that is the connection. It doesn't see the connection, it is the connection. So I'll say that when I first came to Zen Center, I think I was pretty much like a stone. In fact, I think the only feeling that I actually ever felt, I think, was probably anger. No, it's true. It was anger or happiness at the suffering of others.

[29:35]

So what had to happen was that through a practice of sitting and facing the wall, and you can only meet yourself, the good news and the bad news, that I started feeling other things, like... tons of grief and pain, you know. And of course that was really, really awful. Yet, that's what broke my heart open, for which I'll be forever grateful for this practice. So, I used a couple things to do that, and I wanted to pass them on in case you might have the same problem of having a, maybe being cut off from your own heart. One of them was using the metta-vadhana, the practice of metta, or loving-kindness, which I thought was a bunch of crap when I first heard about it.

[30:43]

You know what? May all beings be happy. May they be free from suffering. May they live with ease. Yeah, right. Such was the cynicism, some of which I still retain. for practical purposes. But regardless of that, I would sit there in the Zendo and go over those things over and over and over and over again, even beyond the point where I couldn't no longer stand it, and kept that up for a long time, which to me means a year, a year, a year, not just two periods, but a year. And low, and at some point, at Tassajara, you know where everybody is and you know who they are. And you can close your eyes and you can get down the row. May, who sits here, may Julia be happy.

[31:47]

May she be free from suffering. May she live with these. And then go to the next person. And go all the way around the room. And it was great. I highly, highly recommend that practice. There's another one that you can use that also helps, actually. You know how most of our attention is here? Most of our attention is usually in our head. Well, for those of us who are out of our bodies or have been out of our bodies for most of our lives, either being scared out of them or for whatever reason, you can put your attention... into your body, and I'm sure most of you all know that. You're probably all yoga enthusiasts and all. But the thing that I used was an elevator. And to think of going from, well, actually this was to get me into my belly. It was 10 floors in the elevator, but I would stop at five in my heart.

[32:54]

So it was for 10, nine, eight, seven, six, And you actually just move your eyes to where you're going. And you put all your attention in these fours in the elevator. Yeah, that's great. Because where your attention is, there will your heart be also. I think there was another one too, but I couldn't remember it. But that's enough, I think. So... You don't? Oh great, I have 10 more pages here. Who said that?

[33:57]

No, you don't. But I'm not, I'm just looking to see if there's anything I need to remember here. You know, oh, oh, oh, three pounds of flax. I'm sorry. So the student goes in to the master, sitting on the floor, just as ordinary as you could be, and asks the big question. And the master, instead of saying something totally astounding, says, I'm just weighing three pounds of flax. I think we often interpret that as the ordinary is Buddha, the ordinary. To me, that means nothing with any excitement or life or badness, even.

[34:59]

So I think he could have said, when asked, what is Buddha? What is the Buddha way? He could have said, sitting in the middle of a hurricane. So what I'm saying is that whatever we perceive through our conditioned eyes, we will interpret automatically according to our delusions. what delusion is, interpreting. But to know that three pounds of plaques is what it's really about. In other words, just what's happening is what it's really about. Can you stand it? Can you stand it? Can you stand happiness? Can you stand joy? Can you stand sorrow? Can you stand unbearable grief? Well, yes, we can. Yes, we can. And I think that's what, that's the greatest gift is out there. Where we can bear the unbearable.

[36:01]

We can live life to the fullest. I think that's all. That's all I want to say. And we're at the end.

[36:25]

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