This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Wow, a packed house. That's right. There is still a sewing machine or is that done? Oh, I finished. So non-sewers today. All right. Uh, my name's Cadu Linshutt. Uh, I have been a residence here, not lately. And I want to thank the past Tonto, uh, Anna Thorne for the invitation to speak today. Of course, to Tova, acting Tonto, to David, or central Abbott now in this Mako reserve? I don't think so. Yes? No? Maybe so.

[01:00]

No. All right. Well, hope that goes well. It's good to see so many access to Zen, my peeps here. Great. All right. And now I'd like you to all turn to each other and say hi. Go ahead. I know you want to do. I'm trying to find more space, folks. Yara, could you help me push? Trying to find space. All right. How was that for people saying hi? Give me some time to chittle here.

[02:03]

And I always have a purpose. You can look around again now around you. Just note what you see, whom you see. Who did you not say hi to? uh we did who you did not all right okay and what felt good i hope it's something felt good nope the residents aren't here going nothing feels good until 11 o'clock or a lot of see i used to live here all right well um This is my once yearly invitation to be here. Oh, and my pronouns are she and they. And, oh, I forgot. I left my heart in San Francisco.

[03:07]

I don't know the tune. I was like trying to remember. That's the worst thing. I will not. Tony Bennett there. And because I have left San Francisco for Southern Pomo and Seated Territory, you know, called the place I'm in, Petaluma. So... It's always good to be back in San Francisco. And for this talk, which is unusual, I was asked to talk about belonging. I think there's a workshop this afternoon with such a title. So maybe that was part of it. And being an immigrant and English is, well, now my only, but second language originally, I always like to go to the dictionary. So this one, the Oxford language, belonging, an affinity or a place or a situation. And then from vocabulary.com, definitions of belonging.

[04:11]

Now, happiness felt in a secure relationship. Was that you, Mary? All right. Types. Comfortableness. So go ahead. Get comfortable. Closeness. Intimacy. Togetherness. Type of. We only have one. Happiness. And still from vocabulary.com. Belonging is a sense of fitting in or feeling like you're an important member of a group. When you belong, you are an official part of a group.

[05:15]

Or you're compatible with certain people. Or suited. to a specific place. A feeling of belonging describes this sense of truly fitting or meshing, especially with friends, family members, and other sympathetic folks. It comes from the Middle English, which I do not know how to pronounce, belonging, I believe, from be plus belonging, to be suitable. And then from Cornell University diversity and inclusion page, a sense of belonging. Belonging is the feeling of security and support when there is a sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity for a member of a certain group.

[06:20]

It is when an individual can bring their audience Then take self to work, that's from university, when employees feel like they don't belong at work, their performance and their personal lives suffer. Creating genuine feelings of belonging for all is a critical factor in improving engagement and performance. It also helps support business goals. And there's a university for you. All right. So. Yeah, it sounds good, huh? Intimacy, belonging to a group, inclusion, compatible, happiness, goodness. All right. And of course, you know, today I did not want this to be fluffy. Oh, it's all feel good. I mean, certainly I love it, right? Belonging is something I have wanted and is in my mind a lot.

[07:23]

And heart. And it's a hard thing, isn't it? Belonging. We need to figure this out. It's actually painful for many of us when you say, who here has been pained by the lack of belonging? Probably all of us. If you've ever been in any oppressed group, and I include children in oppressed groups, right? Which means all of us. some point um have had a sense that we want to belong and um i want to talk about belonging in two ways today and this is something because of my i mean i've just kind of formulated it in my new book that's coming out um at that time when i was writing and it's has come from Many years of being activists, being a social worker, and then being a Dharma teacher.

[08:28]

And just my own life, obviously. And so as a teacher, many people come to me with their dukkha, of course, and suffering. And there's a lot of questions about how do I know? Sorry, this thing. Especially when you're from, okay, first let's just set it up actually. Do people know what I mean when I say up power and down power? Who here does not know? Okay, so it's from Cedar Barstow and the right use of power. A great format is a book, she's a social worker. So it is about how in every interaction, Sorry. Is there a bird? Okay. In every interaction, there are always power. We can't escape it. I think in the United States, we try not to talk about power for some reason.

[09:35]

And yet it's always inherent. And so in any situation, when you are in the down power, that means the position in which you have less power, in which... Not only individually you have less power, but as systemically you have less power. For instance, as a female-identified person, in the patriarchy, I have the down power. As a person of color, in racism or white supremacy culture, I am in the down power. Ability or an ableism, I'm actually in the up power, even though I have some body issues at this point. But in general, I'm an able-bodied person. So then I have the up power. In this room currently, I am in the most up power position.

[10:38]

Because when I'm a teacher, I'm on the teaching seat, which is a significant spot in this temple. and the microphone. So, currently I'm in the up power. Power is just, at any moment, David could go, I'm the central edit, so really, Ortova, I invited you, I have more power, right? Or when I turn to talk to David, actually, even though I'm in this, there's complexity in power differential because it depends how we speak to each other and how we relate to each other. Right. And so whoever you talk to, and then you shift it to another person. And especially here in that temple, because we all have, you know, you have positions, right. And so, you know, you know, is the work leader.

[11:43]

So are you a resident? What's your name? Lucas. Are you a lowly resident? Yeah. Lucas sends the lowly resident position. So when he said hi to hero, there's an automatic power differential. Even though we love in Temple to think that we're all equal. And in the United States in particular, we think that we are all equal. In fact, we think that's the way it should be. And It's a nice dream and aspiration, but it isn't true in a lot of situations. And so one always has to be aware of that. And so in this way in which we want to talk about any issue that is especially an ideal that we all believe in or that is part of an institution's mission, ideal,

[12:46]

marketing, whatever it is, or the United States or any institution, then it isn't all this loveliness. And so in all these conversations I've had with people who, let's say, do DEIA work, diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility, right? Then if you're a person of color, and is doing that work, then you're kind of in this bind, right? In which usually the people come to you with issues are in the down power position, and so you can relate to that, but the institution thinks they're giving you power, right? And you do have some power because you have the ear, the institution. However, the university perhaps doesn't, or the organization, that hires you or explicit or implicitly thinks that's your work, doesn't allow for the fact that you are carrying an extra burden.

[13:55]

Because here's my thought that I formulated, is that one way to work with this is that when we are in the, when an incident happens and we are in the target or the down power position, a racist incident is happening to me, say, then in that place, even though it's happening right this moment, I'm in a down power position because in the United States, as a person of color, I'm always in that down power position. And you know that because how many times have you seen people like me By that, I mean Asian and diaspora, not a visiting Asian teacher in this seat. So. From that place, I actually need to attend to myself and the harm and the hurt that comes with it.

[15:01]

I know when a racist incidents happen, my mind goes into thinking mode for one thing, and then it. often is very conflictual because sometimes the white person that's doing the racism will want me to take care of their shame and their white fragility about it, right? Some of you know what I'm talking about, I hope, right? And so in that kind of situation, the white power, because they, white person, because they have white power, white supremacy power, so, which is implicit, implicit. Right. They then need to take care of the structure. Does that make sense? So when you're in the down power, it behooves you to attend to yourself. I don't know if I want to say first, but certainly foremost, or at least a touch in on that. And to attend to that. But if an incident happens and you're in the up power position, then it's your job, your responsibility to attend to the structure.

[16:08]

Does that make sense? No. Okay. Well, then I'll give you some examples. Let's see. I know, you know, that's a hard thing to work out. All right. So one way in which being a teacher and in the up power position, I do have a Sangha, the access to Zen Sangha A to Z. Many P's here in the audience. Thank you for coming. I get to decide what we talk about, okay? And so, and what talks are and stuff. So given all the transphobia that's been happening in the United States in particular and worldwide, really, but of course, nothing new, but just a huge spike of hatred and violence, we have been studying this book, Transcending, Trans-Buddhist Voices. I highly recommend it. email in 2019 from North Atlantic Books.

[17:13]

And in the preface, La Sarmiento, they write, being an immigrant in the United States, a person of color and genderqueer, for much of my life, I never felt I belonged fully to any particular group or community. A coping strategy I learned early on was to assimilate. or conform to the dominant culture so that I didn't stand out in hopes of being accepted and loved. That's part of belonging, when you say wanting those things. Later in the same thing, they says, over the years, I began to be aware of how strong these tendencies were that gripped my sense of self in comparison to others and the suffering it brought with it. by trying to assimilate. And then let's see.

[18:14]

So how do we work with this? I mean, I could read on and on, but I do want to get to what do how do we work on this? And in a way, the work isn't necessarily and I'm not here to tell you what should happen. because I am not part of this institution. But, and how is it that we work to shift an understanding and acts to foster belonging? That's what I wanna talk about. So again, the responsibility is dependent upon your location in whatever system you're in. Now, an example of how in that down power position, you would work with it. So I didn't really mean to promote my book, but when I was asked to give this talk, I will say I looked on a website for the word belonging and only one showed up.

[19:25]

And then I looked at my book and I searched for belonging and I actually did count. I wrote down some stuff, but I think there are at least 10 or 12 in this book. And One thing I want to talk about is a racist incidence that happened to me, which I'm not going to tell you about by the book. No, I'm kidding. No, I'm not going to tell you about it. But basically, there was a racist incident about Asian people that I experienced in a practice setting. And it happened in a Dharma hall. And it was when you read it, to me, it's pretty obvious. And then I was in the middle of sushi of many months of practice that I had done. So from the down power position, I understood this, and I do want to read it from the book if possible.

[20:30]

Those who laughed colluded in the teacher's comment as a joke that stereotyped Asians as having flat noses and implied that Greek or Roman descendant noses are better. It isn't far-fetched to hypothesize If the room was filled with people of Asian heritage, that white teacher would never have made such a comment. He knew the people there would collude in white supremacy culture conditioning. However, at that moment, I did not collude in white supremacy culture conditioning. I did not take my position, my location in white supremacy. Because in any system of oppression, people are taught and forced to be in certain positions, right?

[21:48]

That's part of what stereotyping does. So I didn't take my position in white supremacy. I clearly understood that I was not less than, contrary to what was being implied in the teacher's comments. I experienced something different at that moment. my mind diverted from its conditioned habitual loop. After months of intensive monastic mindfulness and meditative practices, I didn't respond to this racist story in the typical ways I had in the past. I realized that the system of white supremacy depended on me to internalize victimization as a person of Asian descent. White supremacy culture is strengthened When I internalize the othering as a sense of less than or lack in myself, that somehow not belonging was something that was just up to me to rethink or overcome.

[22:52]

How many of you thought that? You know, when you feel like you don't belong, you go, oh, shit, I got to go have therapy more. I see your hand, but I'm not answering right now because I'm leading in the middle. Yeah. Thank you. I will get to you in the Q&A. Oh, I was asking. I'm sorry. I'm just on one hand, so I thought it was a question. My bad. I apologize. All right. Let me go back. When I internalized the othering as a sense of less than or lack in myself, that somehow not belonging was something that was just up to me to rethink or overcome. The incident helped me understand But what I normally saw as a personal lack in myself were really causes and conditions that removed me from the whole. Nothing happens without things that happen that makes it come into be.

[23:55]

This is a fundamental law of karma and of Buddhism. So that's from the down power. we can realize that it's systemic. To me, when I, myself, when I realized that racism was the issue and it wasn't a personal thing, doesn't mean that sometimes people don't personally do it in a personal way, but as a system, it actually helped me to see that I don't have to take those positions, okay? Now from an up power position, here's an example. So, you know, I really was working with a group on diversity and inclusion. I think at the time we called it multiculturalism. And there was a lot of resistance, right? So at such a place, we had workshops on anti-racism, and the person just didn't really understand how it was Buddhist practice, right?

[25:02]

And so... And, you know, the facilitator tried to work with this white man, and he didn't get it at the time. About five years later, he and I, this man, and I saw each other again. He sought me out one day to share how he now understood why we had been doing anti-racist work at the monastery. In the years since that training, I had gone to live at another practice center. It was on the big island of Hawaii and was run by a Japanese-American with ties to Japan. So the majority of the guests were from Japan. He said that one day, as he was sitting at the kitchen table for lunch, he realized that he was not part of the conversations going on around him. Looking up, he realized he was the only white person at the table and that only Japanese people.

[26:02]

was being spoken. He shared that he felt left out at that moment, and then the memory of the exchange at the racial justice workshop had flashed before him. It was at that moment that he understood how white-centered his views had been. For him, it took being in a location on the margins and relating to a loss of belonging. to experience an inkling of what Asian-Americans and other people of color face daily. So I think that's one way in which we can, if we perpetually, or for the most part, live in our surroundings, right? By that, I mean, these days, your virtual and your physical surroundings in white, center places, or if we're talking about race, or up power position, you kind of have to sometimes see yourself on the margin to get a piece of it.

[27:11]

Yeah, there is. Another way is, as I told you, really, when you're in a position of power, uplifting down power positions, right, by bringing voices forward. So, sorry, I need to check on my time. I will say that it's a complex thing, you know, this knowing location, trying to work with the responsibility. And it's an ongoing practice. It isn't something, you know, even if you understood everything I said today and, uh, or didn't have bought the book and now understand everything after, um, I don't know why I keep doing that as a joke, but anyways, um, uh, It's an ongoing practice, right? In fact, I myself just had an incident in the last few days that really explicated this for me, this working with when you're in the down power and the up power.

[28:15]

And that was that I'm in a listserv of Asian diaspora practitioners. And someone promoted a... I was doing for BIPOC. Do people know BIPOC in this room? What that means? Who doesn't? I will say it. You know. Okay. Black Indigenous. Sorry, because I changed it. Or I've added something else. Black Indigenous People of Color. And so I had written and said, oh, you know, thanks for posting that. And I'm actually these days thinking about using the word BIMPOC. And that's what I got from this book, right? And my understanding is more Canadian where the M then stands for multiracial. And I know that a lot of people are mixed race and that that's a really difficult thing where you don't feel like you belong, right?

[29:23]

And so I wanted to include that. And then, you know, as I wanted to double check myself, even though I read it in a book, I Googled it and something came up where it was also some use it for Middle Eastern. So I wrote that in there too, that, oh, I hear there's this version of it. Huge response. And really that for many Asian and diaspora, while we, while there's a wish, and there is a even action and activism to uplift anti-blackness and certainly indigenous lack of rights. It leaves out a lot of Asian and diaspora, especially as the term got bigger right after George Floyd's murder. And then all this stuff of anti-Asian violence that has happened during the pandemic.

[30:27]

And so it's a mixed thing, right? And then also the people are saying, well, in certain contexts, that makes sense. And I was saying that too. But in Buddhism, it really doesn't work so well for many Asian diaspora because where did Buddhism come from? India, right? And so for South Asians, people of Indian, Pakistani, Sri Lankans. Okay, I won't list them all because if I forget one, then... Boom, I'll get stuff for that, which is okay. But to mitigate that, I'll just say, right, people who identify as South Asian, which includes India. And so in Buddhism, that's actually really part of the invisibilizing and minimizing of Asian Buddhism, of Asians in Buddhism. In fact, the majority of Buddhists in the world are of Asian descent.

[31:28]

So it really blew up. And at first, you know, I was like, OK. And my name was used. And so I just felt in the loop. And I was like, I get you folks. But this has been around for a long time. Do you know? And I think it has context still, the term BIPOC. And I only added the M to be inclusive and multiracial. And in fact, I actually wanted to say multicultural also, because as a doc T, I'm. 100% of Vietnamese Asian ancestry, but my life has been a multicultural or bicultural experience, right? So, you know, I was like, hmm, right? And so then I was given all this history about this. And so, you know, I woke up one day, a couple of days later, and I thought, ah, from that down power position, I was voicing the hurt and harm that I have experienced as an Asian diasporic person, right?

[32:36]

That I understand what you're saying, and I think there's validity in the term. However, from the up-power position, right, as a teacher of the Dharma, I need to say that we have been not only invisibilizing Asian Americans in Buddhism, but we have De-centered is the word that I was taught to use or shared. And I'm forwarding that by using the same word. De-centering Indians and Indian ancestry in Buddhism. So it's something that we're always learning. And for me, to be perfectly honest, when I woke up and thought, yeah, okay, from the up power, totally get it. I'm going to support you. And this is why I'm doing it today. Where am I? I got the mic. I'm in the power seat, right? So I really want to bring that forward for us to take in and for us to figure out how do we shift our understanding of belonging and to act in our behaviors when we're talking about belonging, inclusivity.

[33:53]

can also reframe chichings and in this transcending book there's lots and i will actually um share two that i appreciate and they're brief i hope um that summarize it i highly i would say my sangha loves this book and we have learned so much from it and mostly it's been a discussion but sometimes we post talks and stuff but it hasn't been about talking in terms of information it's really about How do we explore this together to support our trans member and ourselves and our ignorance and our willingness to be more open and supportive of what is happening? The concept of anatta, that is non-self. Oh, sorry. This is from M1E. I hope I pronounced their name correctly. Coming home to themselves. the resonance of non-self and impermanence for transgender Buddhists.

[34:59]

The concept of anatta, that is non-self, is a recurring theme within contemporary transgender Buddhist discourse. Conceptions of the terms are being reimagined, and the terms boundaries re-delineated within a trans and gender non-conforming framework. Anatta, is a foundational tenant of Buddhist doctrine, being one part of the, my poly is going to be, tilakana, the three marks of existence, described in the Dhammapada, along with anicca and permanence and dukkha, suffering. Anantaka notes there's no self or soul that exists that is permanent, inherent, or essential. And further... that grasping onto the idea of a permanent self is a form of dukkha. In this way, the three marks are intrinsically intertwined with one another. Now, the promise, yes, this is the teaching, but for many oppressed people, when we bring in the impact of the isms, we are often told, oh, don't hang on to your identity.

[36:16]

This is not identity practice. because it would just give you more suffering. And so it doesn't give us a space to deal with the kind of suffering that comes up. You know, I always find it interesting in all my work that like the three steps, the 12 steps, right? Recovery has always been part of centers. And there never any question about that as an identity that should be let go. At least in my experience, I could be wrong. But with oppressed people, other oppressed people, it often is brought up as, oh, you should let that self go, or that's not what we're working on here, right? So I appreciate they said, contributing to the discourse on manatta, a number of trans Buddhist practitioners expressed their understanding of non-self as more a necessary successive process.

[37:17]

than merely an independent fact. A successive process than merely an independent fact. Many transgender Buddhists adhere to the importance and healing power of anatta by additionally contextualizing and critiquing the notion based on their own lived experience. Every effing teacher who has ever said anything about the Dharma is saying it through their own experience. There's no way around it. From this mouth, it's all the lived experience. And so why do we limit whose mouths this come through? Of course, as long as it's not towards harm and harming. Interpreting the concept of self as more living, breathing process than a mere static state is a method employed by a number of trans-Buddhists. La Sarmiento, I introduced you to earlier, a gender-queer Filipino-American and a Sangha leader in Washington, D.C., reveals the importance of anata and identity in their practice is, quote, in having a strong sense of self that I'm then able to let go of and not before, end quote.

[38:34]

They argue one must discover through their own journey their self and their truth in order to be able to genuinely detach from that self. Quote, the Buddhist teachings for me are all about pointing to what is, you know, like here's the truth of what is. Then be able to discern through our own innate wisdom where to go from there. This journey is especially important for transgender Buddhists. who exist in a fundamentally different relationship with their body, their gender, and their non-self as compared to cisgender Buddhists. Being assigned the incorrect gender at birth, transgender Buddhists must necessarily take extra and different steps on that path to anatta. I would just pause to say, I hope they don't have to take extra steps.

[39:37]

I think that's part of the oppression. to make it an extra step than the rest of us. But that's my opinion. All right. I like this line. Trans Buddhists recognize the ever-changing emotionality of what constitutes the self, as well as how this informs their relationship to gender identity or the absence of such. And because I hear the bell, I'm going to cut to a teaching about Anicca. Anicca is impermanence. So this is from Lu Long, also in this book, from Yellow Poppy and a Nietzsche Gender Heart. There's a new word. I love it when people make up new words. A Nietzsche Gender Heart. Lu Long, he says. There's quite a bit to this poem. I'll just read the first section. Part of the first section. One. Walking at the corner of Maple Community Garden Plot, I'm stoked.

[40:38]

by a yellow poppy head weighed down by the soft, steady spring rain. This hand reaches down to gently lift the face of the petals, pistols, and stamens up. Smiling in awe at the sweetness, the conditions this poppy has been given to bloom. Now, gently resting in my palm, we speak quietly, wordlessly. This body falls in love without anxiety, or this yellow poppy is unconcerned with distinguishing between true and false, man or woman, excuse me, woman or man, all form held lightly. The singular is on purpose in my understanding.

[41:39]

And my Anitja gender heart blooms too, knowing I am made of man-made and natural materials. Mr. Dogen, is this what you mean when you said awakening is intimacy with all beings? All right, there's more to this wonderful poem. They were going to come to us, and then they had some health issues, so they didn't come. So... I wanna end so that I can get some questions. So, end with this. And this is from, okay. And I talk about location and say more about that and down power. In the Soto Zen tradition, when I'm asked to give a Dharma talk, it's customary at the beginning for me to thank the Beisho of the temple and the Tanta, who's the head of practice and the person whose job it is to invite you.

[42:55]

Next, I thank my teacher. I apologize. I forgot that part. I want to thank my root teacher, Zen K. Blanche Hartman-Dai Ho Sho, and my current Zen teacher, Shosan Vicky Austin, And then my other teacher, Gil Fronst. Please forgive me for forgetting. All this is part of locating. This is not just common courtesy. It's to locate me in a lineage and a sect of Buddhism and in a lineage of practitioners. Locating ourselves has significance. It takes effort and intentional attention to honor where we come from and who we are. At another place where I teach, we invite people to say what land they're on currently to honor the indigenous peoples and also as an act of anti-oppression, acknowledging we're on stolen land.

[43:58]

We also invite people to share their pronouns and a way to say that we're inclusive of gender diversity. Other social locations are often shared. depending on which community of practitioners I'm teaching or practicing with, our sexual orientation, class ability, immigrant status, and neurodiversity. These are frames of reference for knowing where and how we inhabit our locations, specifically in different systems of oppression. It can also locate us in communities and therefore, in systems of joy and of belonging. At the same time, part of our practice is about having a sense that there is fluidity and that these ways of self-identification of being perceived by others are not all that we are. As practitioners of Buddhism, we want to be aware that identity arises due to present causes and conditions.

[45:03]

Therefore, how we all come to be here in this place at this moment is always in context. And then I'll end the last Sarmenta. As I said, over the years, I became aware that assimilation was painful. My desire to accept pain yet not suffer became an aspiration that led to my finding my inner courage and strength to come out as genderqueer and to use the pronouns they, their, and them, despite the pushback that often accompanies such a transition. The need to assimilate, conform, and belong no longer was important to me. What was important was for me to be my authentic self, to claim my belonging no matter who I was with or where I was, to remember my Buddha nature. This empowering stance has freed my heart and life in mirrored ways by knowing that I am worthy of love and a long-term relationship and recently designed to undergo top surgery to align my body with how I've always envisioned it to be.

[46:19]

I am clear that I don't want to transition to become male. I just want to be La with a masculinized chest. It has taken me 52 years to love who I am on the inside, and I don't want that to change. The middle way of my gender identity has allowed me to be able to see where we are as a culture society can get caught with regards to binary stereotypes in all of their manifestations. To go against the strength of the deep conditioning and to be free It's not always an easy line to tell. And I no longer know any other way to go. They say you're going to find a lot in this book that informs and enlighten a way to true freedom. Eat vows for the courage, strength, and perseverance it takes to be fully who we are and to be fully alive.

[47:26]

I think we all can. No. I think we all know that belonging is something we all want. How we know belonging for ourselves and how we can create conditions for others to belong is something that's all our responsibilities. Thank you for your attention. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[48:20]

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