This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Thank you for being here today. And thank you for people who are joining online. I'd like to ask how many of you here today are practicing them maybe less than a year? Please raise your hands. How about more than five years? More than 20 years? The fresh mind of new practitioners and the wisdom of the long practitioners makes the Sangha very vibrant and thriving.

[01:20]

Can you feel that energy in this room? And let me ask one more question. Do you have any family members think you are a little bit unusual? Yes, yes. Or your whole member practices Zen, so everyone is equally weird? So far, can you understand my English? It's hard to follow, please let me know. And what about my jokes? If they don't make any sense, please pretend they are funny. My name is Tenmyo, and you can remember me as ten cats.

[02:30]

Ten meow. Yes, this is where you laugh. Ken Miao, Ken Miao. And my actual Daman name is Ken Miao. This character, Ken, means scriptures or canon, C-A-N-O-N, canon. can also mean model or classic. And Myo means illuminate, light, or make something clear with the light. So my name, Ten Myo, means illuminating Dharma teachings, illuminating Dharma canon. I now work for Soto Zen Buddhism International Office and we make connections and bridging temples and practitioners across the world.

[04:00]

I am also a resident practitioner here and I feel nothing is more joyful than practicing together with Dharma friends that we share the aspiration to know the truth and also this deep desire to benefit all beings. There is a story from old Buddhist scripture that Ananda, do you know Ananda? Ananda is Buddha's cousin and also a very devoted attendee to Buddha.

[05:05]

One day, Ananda said to Buddha that having good friends and good community, I think, is half of the holy life. Hearing that, Buddha answered back to Ananda that having good friends And having good community is not half the holy life. It is the whole of the holy life. Being part of the Sangha here and being here today with all of you, that reminded me of this story very deeply. Today I'd like to share my personal story about how I became a Buddhist now and also things I learned from practicing in different countries.

[06:28]

My personal journey, I describe it the journey from zero to infinity. Zero means I started from depression and self-loss and now to the life guided by Buddhist principles in connection to all beings. grew up in Osaka have any of you been to Osaka before yes yes it's a big city and many concrete buildings not so many green my family lived in second floor over

[07:41]

seven-story apartment. And between, below us, my family ran a liquor store selling alcohol. And in front of our apartment, there's a very big, big road. So there were cars, very noisy all through the day. So it was... lives that little separated from nature, natural environment. There were seven members of my family, my grandparents and my parents and two older sisters. It is less common today living with grandparents, but traditionally married woman is supposed to take care of the husband's parents and my mother take care of everyone in the family and also helped running the family business over running a liquor store so her days were incredibly busy but

[09:10]

I really appreciate now what she offered to us. My grandparents survived World War II, and the trauma and the scars from that hardship, I think, shaped the family atmosphere. My grandma used to repeat the story that there was a big air raid in Osaka and she lost everything during that time. And she told again and again she come back to where the house used to be.

[10:13]

and there was only one iron pot was left. Because of that experience, my grandparents, especially my grandma, was so attached to money. The atmosphere of my family is more about survival and how to protect oneself and one's family from harsh environment. It is not about living in connection, living, serving to all beings, but more survival about. My family is Buddhist.

[11:18]

They follow funeral and memorial services for Buddhist traditions, but not particularly religious. They also belong to a pure sect of Buddhism and not a sort of Zen. So I think my family think me also a little bit weird. Maybe very unusual. I think many people start their spiritual path because of the hardship or dissatisfaction with life. Maybe you... You maybe resonate with that. And I am not an exception. I was a very, very shy girl when I was little.

[12:25]

And at kindergarten, I didn't have any friends. So I often played by myself. And My classmates often teased on me and very hard on me. I hoped it was going to change entering elementary school from kindergarten to elementary school, but I felt I was in the bottom of social hierarchy at school. And at that time, I didn't know how strong the self-talk could be. So I kept talking to myself that something is wrong with me.

[13:34]

And I... I'm not lovable, and all those negativity I put on myself. Entering junior high school and high school, I made some friends, but this feeling of negativity followed me, and I escaped into studying. Because if my grades were good, I didn't have to look into myself. And people around me think I'm doing okay. So my grades were good, and I got into Tokyo University, which is one of the best universities in Tokyo. In Japan. Yeah, but depression followed me, so I really couldn't focus on my studying at all and couldn't find any purpose in life.

[14:45]

And I don't know what to do with life. And hoping that having family would help to feel some meaning in life, I... got married to my ex-partner, and he was working in New York at that time, so I then moved to New York. He moved around many places, so I went together to Scotland, and he back to Boston, so I back to Boston. And that time I decided to go to graduate school because it's going to help to find a job. And when I applied for graduate school, I never imagined I met them practice there.

[15:53]

Sometimes life brings you what you need. with the means that you'd never imagine. I was accepted University of Massachusetts Amherst. I was studying biology. In Western Massachusetts area, I was so surprised, so many people practice meditation, martial arts, and many healing, Asian healing modalities as well. And gradually, I also joined. I practiced Aikido before in Japan, so I studied Aikido again, and my Aikido friends

[17:00]

go sessim, sitting. So I joined them, go sessim. Actually, I didn't know the word sessim before in Japan. And my friend told me, I am really Japanese, not knowing the word sessim. And yeah. And at first, I wasn't good at sessim. And it's not something you become good at it, but you probably know what I mean. So I was not good at it or I was not so fond of it either. But somehow I kept doing it. Also, there was a spiritual community nearby my graduate school. The name of the community is Sirius Community, S-I-R-U-S, the star of Sirius.

[18:08]

And if I talk about this community, it's going to be another talk. So just briefly, it's an eco-village. It's a spiritual village. Not especially Zen, but like general spirituality community. But the founder... was one of the very inspiring best teacher for me. And he passed away, but I'd like to quote from what he wrote. My most important lesson from living in community all these years is this. A new paradigm for a sustainable future grows naturally from connection with our deep nature.

[19:26]

Call it what you like. The Force, Buddha Nature, Christ, Jehovah, Allah. It makes no difference. Once someone has experienced the sacred in themselves, And in all life, a commitment to harmony and sustainability follows. And the entire earth and all beings become the community we choose to serve wherever we are. This is a word that really touched my heart.

[20:38]

So living in Western Massachusetts, practicing Zazen, also living in spiritual community and exposed to spiritual teachings, I realized that My suffering came from the fundamental misunderstanding of the self. I was searching the self into what I accomplished or what I did, my relationship or what I have or possessions. Buddhism teaches that self is not a fixed entity, and it's ever-changing with all beings.

[21:51]

So if you try to find self, if we try to find self, and if one just to try to to live for oneself. It's distant to self-loss and depression. Do you know mathematical sign for infinity? Yeah. So if you try to find the self, just the self, it's like nothing, empty. But in reality, we are connected with all beings. And through that connection, what seems like zero expands into infinity. And that's what we truly are.

[22:54]

When I opened my eyes to this interconnected being, I got an unexpected invitation from my friend that is to train as a Buddhist nun in Japan. And let me explain a little bit more. So I had a friend at the graduate school, When I joined the laboratory, she immediately, or she go back to Japan very soon. So I don't know her very well. But when my professor is retiring, she comes back. And I find out she is a daughter of our temple family. And family is very dedicated to them. And if you know the name of Gien Inoue, that's one of the famous monks, but they are Inoue family.

[24:17]

So she's a daughter of the temple family. And because I was living in a spiritual community at that time, I asked her, could you do the, you know, sitting practice at the community I live? And so she and her sister had a session at the community I lived. And so through that, our connection deepened. And after half a year, she asked me, oh, I'm going to pray at the monastery, and would you like to come with me? And I immediately said yes. because I was interested in becoming a monk, but I had no idea how to become a priest. So if I don't jump in this invitation, I may not have another chance.

[25:23]

So I immediately say yes. So I go back to Japan, and her father ordained me, and I joined... monastery training and it was probably not very common but i met my teacher just two days before my ordination and i had a little bit five days or one week training and then go to the monastery so i don't know how to wear the case properly and how to you know enter the zendo and how to bow and so My first monastery training was very, very challenging. It was so beautiful too. I remember the first day I joined the morning chanting. I was somehow so moved.

[26:25]

And I remember tears welled up by my eyes and I was in awe. And today I have a friend that we practiced together in the Koshoji Monastery. He's visiting me now, and thank you for visiting me. And I practiced the Koshoji Monastery in Kyoto about a year, and then went to another monastery in Okayama, Toshhoji, which is a very international monastery And I met many practitioners there from all over the world, from Europe, from US, from South America, and also some Asian countries too. And now I work for Soto Zen International Office, where I meet also at

[27:37]

many practitioners from many countries. I am also a resident practitioner here at the San Francisco Zen Center. very grateful that being on this path together with many bodhisattvas in the Lotus Sutra there is a chapter that bodhisattva emerging from us and in the in this Dota Sutra body suppers emerging from the earth and they all hold the Dharma together and that's that image I have in this room

[29:05]

I like to share the things I learned practicing in different countries. Sometimes we understand ourselves or our own culture by experiencing another culture and another environment. As I explained before, I studied Zazen in the United States. Living in the United States really helped me to back to my beginner's mind. I was grown up in Japan. It's a Buddhist country. I actually went to Buddhist junior high school and high school. It's like a Catholic school here. But while I was in Japan, Buddhism teaching felt like my, you know, old grandma's teaching that you should be honest, you should be kind, and you should be good.

[30:37]

And that's really fundamentally true. When you grow up, you really appreciate that. I really appreciate that. But at that time, it feels like, yeah, it may be true, but it's not, doesn't feel relevant to what I'm facing each day, every day to go through this life. But when I live in Western Massachusetts, that many people, study Buddhist. So I kind of, oh, maybe there's something I might misunderstand or I might missing. So I start studying again and, oh, this is not just not just rules, but it's more

[31:42]

you can really observe yourself to it, and you can really find the truth. So it feels, oh, this is really what we are living day by day. So it's very directly connected to my daily life. And Also, reading in English really helped me. In Japan, there's a lot of books about Buddhism. Many of the books are very scholarly, and it's like Latin and Greek to me. But reading in English It's written in everyday language, so I really could feel the connection, and it's very accessible, and that sparked my curiosity, wanting to study more.

[33:01]

And I go back to Japan, and practice in Japan, and heard Japanese culture, I still have mixed feelings. Some parts I really appreciate a lot and some parts are difficult to swallow. But I try to see the Japanese Buddhism like a big, big old tree. The history is so long. It's so magnificent. And Buddhism teaching, it's a part of our cultural background. So there are many daily expressions that come from Buddhism teaching.

[34:04]

So it's a magnificent old history. But because of the long history, you may find some dead birds, some sick birds, some leaves are totally dead. And compared to that, United States, Europe, the Buddhism is still very, like a young tree, very... vibrant and fresh, and everyone is excited. But you cannot say which is better or good. I think there's a good part in both sides. And I learned so much living in the United States.

[35:06]

And I think there are... can learn each other. I also had a chance during my monastery training. I was able to practice three months in Europe in several temples in the Netherlands, in Germany and Switzerland and France. And I find that in all countries I visited, they say, oh, my country is terrible in this aspect, and Japan is great, or other countries are great in this aspect. And I find it, oh, it's kind of similar or same.

[36:09]

I was saying that, oh, Japan is terrible in this way, whatever. So, oh, it's kind of a universal thing. But what I find practicing at each temple was that the practicing together, like sitting together in the morning, eating together, cleaning together, cooking together, that joy of practicing together, that's always there. And I thought, I don't know what the ideal practice is, but practice. can trust the practice itself.

[37:11]

Like practicing is dedicating our mind and heart and body in the present moment. And when you dedicate yourself to the present moment, there is no east or west. no lay people or ordained, or no male or female. There's just this wholehearted practice. And that's what I learned. So through my traveling, I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about what practice is, but we don't have to, it's not a requirement to go anywhere because practice is about returning home, returning to your own deep nature, our own being.

[38:34]

And I find that practice itself is a way. I like to go back to Ananda's quote, that having good friends, good community, that supporting each other to grow, to be on this path, is the whole of the holy life. Dearly, thank you for being here. And may we continue to walk on this path together. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center.

[39:41]

Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[40:01]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_97.04