This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. How's our sound back there, Tom, and out there in the world? Can you hear me okay? How's everybody feeling today? You know, it's kind of like, how's your zazen? There's that marvelous lecture, and not always so, this is what Gershi gave, titled Brown Rice is Just Right, and the first sentence goes, how do you like zazen? I think it may be better to ask, how do you like brown rice?

[01:02]

Zazen is too big a question. That's true. Maybe you'll get a chance to talk with a practice instructor sometime in the next few days, which you can start signing up this afternoon and maybe get into that a little bit. But he says actually there's not much difference between eating brown rice and sitting zazen. When we eat with oryoki, that's probably the case. By the way, wasn't breakfast great this morning? Fabulous. So I can never tell whether meals are so good during sashimi because I've actually, you know, I'm more aware of my eating and more aware of the food I'm eating. Or if the cooks are more aware of cooking and are cooking better. Or maybe it's all just all connected and who cares? Anyway, food is usually better during sashimi, I notice. Or I enjoy it more. So yesterday I introduced the idea of the genjo koan to those who weren't participating in the practice period and the classes, and we discussed about ten different definitions of the genjo koan, but I think I'm going to just use this one for today because it's just simpler to remember.

[02:18]

The koan of the present moment. That's the genjo koan, the koan of every moment that's presented to you during your sashin here. clear, easy-to-remember koan of the present moment. So we're returning to where we left off yesterday, paragraph 8 of the Ganja koan, depending on how the paragraphs are broken up. So we'll sort of have to work our way through this, because what happened is I'd written this part of the lecture for yesterday's lecture, as you recall, because I didn't get to it. But then, of course, I got up this morning, and I read through it, and I said... doesn't seem very interesting and I wrote a bunch of other stuff but then of course how does it fit together and so we'll probably end up saying the same thing two different ways or who knows anyway so here we go the study of the Buddha way is to study the self to study the self is to forget the self to forget the self is to be actualized or awakened by myriad things when actualized by myriad things your body and mind

[03:27]

as well as the bodies and minds of others drop away. No trace of realization remains and this no trace continues endlessly. So essentially the most quoted paragraph from the Genjo Koan. A lot in it. Each sentence is a stage that progresses to the next. To study the Buddha way is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be actualized by myriad things. When actualized by myriad things, your body and mind drop away. No trace of realization remains. One step at a time. We could work on that. A couple years on the first sentence, a couple years on the second sentence. Finally get to the end. Ten years down the road where we got nothing. No trace of realization at all. At the same time, they're all totally interconnected and in every moment the whole thing is happening. It's not just a step-by-step process. It's

[04:28]

all one sort of experience he's describing here. To study the Buddha way is to study the self. We'll start there. What a wonderful sentence. I always loved that idea. I mean, the first time I heard it, I thought, oh, that's good, to study the self. Who doesn't want to study the self? We like, you know, I'm pretty involved with myself. I might as well study it. And to think that while studying the self, I'm also studying the Buddha way, I'm getting a twofer here. Twofer one. Sounds great. However, I don't think when that idea first occurred to me, it's exactly the same as it is at 5.40 in the afternoon on day two of the sashin, or three or four. There's something so much more visceral about that version of studying the self in the middle of the afternoon sitting in a sashin. seems like a far cry from a romantic idea of studying the self, which it is, thank goodness.

[05:32]

Anyway, Buddhism is not an external thing. That's what to study the Buddha ways to study the self means. One might think studying Buddhism, you would read a lot of scriptures and learn a lot of rituals and ceremonies, and we do do that. I mean, that's very important. I remember when I was president of Zen Center, I don't know, over 40 years ago, 45 years ago or something, let me see, 40 years ago, we had invited Kaz Tanahashi to be a scholar in residence at Zen Center to work on translating fascicles of the Shobo Genzo. And in fact, for over 40 years, he has worked with us doing that, and the end result of it is this beautiful translation of the entire 95 fascicles in the Shobo Genzo. Translating texts we have, as an institution, felt was very important to the study of Buddhism. And especially since we're importing a religion from different countries, different languages, we have to spend a lot of time working on those things.

[06:43]

And we also spend a lot of time working on ceremonies and rituals. We're... constantly interacting with Huizu, Suzuki Roshi's son, about how to do our ceremonies and making sure that we're understanding not only how we want to adapt them to the American culture, but what they actually were in Japan. In fact, Huizu's coming in March for the Mount Seat Ceremony for David. It's always so wonderful when he comes. We'll have... worked out how he was here the last time we did the mountain seat ceremony. And then he'll come and start rearranging things, you know, and it makes you realize how alive ceremonies are anyway. So we do do that, but that's all in the service of studying the South. You know, we have a ritual, we step... through the door to the zendo with our left foot.

[07:45]

If we're stepping through on the left side of the door, that's usually the way most of you enter. If you're at the dosha, you step through on the right side of the door because mostly that's where we step through on that side. Anyway, it's a ritual, but it's also a way of reminding you of what your physical body is doing at that moment because if you step through with the wrong foot, you'll notice it. and you'll think, oh, what's happening? Oh, I'm thinking about whatever instead of remembering that I'm supposed to be not thinking about that, I'm supposed to be entering the zendo and doing something different. So all of these rituals that we have, these complex things that we learn are ways of bringing us present with ourself. To study the Buddha ways to study the self. I'm sitting here talking about this, but this is what we're doing. This is what you're actually doing. Right now, in this machine, you are studying the Buddha way by studying the self.

[08:51]

So we could just have a round-robin discussion and clarify the situation here, but probably maybe that would be too confusing. But I just want you to recognize that you are, I'm saying some words, but you're actually doing it. you're in the middle of this process. I remember when I was young, I was a mathematician, I trained in mathematics, and I was a scientist in physics, and I thought zazen was so wonderful, it's kind of like a microscope or a telescope. You'd study yourself objectively with integrity. And there is a quality to that. I mean, it is true that you see an enormous amount about your mind that you don't if you're not sitting still. But it feels kind of abstract compared with the actual experience of doing this, of sitting there with that mind. That mind that you say you're sitting in some physical difficulty and your mind is

[10:04]

kind of can't cope with all the confusing elements of it. Then you're all of a sudden wondering, you're thinking a lot, should I move my leg and stop this insanity? Should I adjust my lower back? Should I make this micro-adjustment? Should I do this? It's just this barrage of activity going on in your head about what to do and it's all very painful in your mind at least. And so do you move or do you not move? Sometimes you do move, but sometimes you actually don't move at all for a while. And then sometimes actually everything just becomes calm and clear. Like you were in a big stormy sea of craziness in your head and then all of a sudden it's just gone. I mean, you still have some of that physical pain.

[11:08]

Actually, most of that hasn't really changed much, but the mental anxiety and the mental pain is not there anymore. And what was that being that decided not to move? Why did you decide not to move then? Sometimes we say there's another person sitting with you. In fact, I think in the point of Zazen, Dogen says, there is another person sitting with you. That person is your Buddha body that's sitting with you. And that Buddha body has decided that it's going to just sit there. I think the phrase from that section of the point of Zazen is, in non-thinking, there is somebody that sustains you. Non-thinking, you'll remember, is that line from Fukan Zazengi. It actually... In the fascicle, the point of zazen, Dogen refers to Yaoshan, the great master who was sitting, and a monk asked him, in steadfast sitting, don't you like that?

[12:12]

In steadfast sitting, what do you think? And Yaoshan said, think not thinking. And the monk says, well, how do you think not thinking? Yaoshan replied, non-thinking. This was a great clarifying point in the way we think during Zazen. Think not thinking. How do you think not thinking? Sometimes it's translated beyond thinking, but I've always liked non-thinking. So Dogen picked up that phrase and put it in Fukan's Zengi. So there's thinking. That's easy. That's what our Our mind gets engaged in the process and we're telling stories to ourself or solving problems and planning things and that's thinking. We know what that is. Not thinking, that's like actually there's no thinking going on. That's rarer than the thinking part.

[13:14]

And then there's non-thinking, which is not thinking and not thinking, but it's not being caught by your thinking, not being engaged in your thinking. That is, you're there and thinking thoughts come up, they go, you know, like clouds in the sky, but you're not participating with them. Now, one can spend an entire lecture on those four lines, and I was actually thinking about doing that on day four, if we get through this lecture. Anyway, we're going to move on there. Just because there's a lot there, lots that we can say about that. So back to this moment in the storm where it becomes calm. And sometimes that's... So I was describing where you didn't move and the calmness came. Other times this body of Buddha, this Buddha body sitting with you, does move in some way.

[14:18]

But it's not you moving, it's some release. in some part of your body that hasn't somehow had any life in it for decades. That wasn't you doing that. That was your Buddha body doing its practice with you. So while you're sitting, you are also sitting with a Buddha body that is sustaining you through these seven days. It's like that koan that most of us have studied. Yunnan sweeps the ground. We're familiar with that. This is the sort of active version of the Buddha body sitting with us during Sashin. As Yunnan was sleeping the ground, Dawu said, too busy. So Yunnan and Dawu were very famous students. And they lived together in a monastery for 10 or 20 years, and they always had these interactions where they, you know, kind of goaded each other.

[15:25]

Dao was the sort of elder brother of the two. I mean, Yunyan was no slouch. He ended up being Deng Xia's teacher and founding Soto Zen, so he was good too. Anyway, Dao said, too busy, and Yunyan said, you should know there is one who isn't busy. You should know there is one who isn't busy. And Dao said, if so, then there's a second moon. If so, there is a second moon. You're saying there's someone that's not busy, and I'm looking at somebody who's very busy in front of me. So I don't know. Are there's two of you? And Yunnan held up a broom and said, which moon is this? That was the... We're not quite sure who won that battle. This is a slight commentary on it.

[16:25]

Dao bore down on Yunnan. Without upset, there is no solution. Without struggle, there is no expression. I mean, I like that line just anyway. If you're struggling in zazen, if you're upset, good. Because if you're not struggling, there's no solution. There's some... We're not just sitting here just like... Well, if you are, congratulations. If you're spending seven days in a calm state of bliss... Go for it. I love you, and just come and report to me, and I'll write it down in my journal as the first student I've met that spent seven days calmly in bliss and wasn't completely crazy. That would be the point that we'd have to check out. So if you're struggling, that's good. That's part of... What's going on here? You're sitting with a Buddha body, and there's this other part of you that's, I'm not even sure I'm going to let Buddha body take over here.

[17:31]

I kind of, you know, so. Then going on. Here, as Yunnan was sweeping the ground, Dawu casually tested him. Yunnan said, you should know there is one who isn't busy. Good people, as you eat, boil, tea, sow, and sweep, you should recognize the one not busy. then you will realize the union of the mundane and the enlightened reality. So, first there is positing one who's not busy, but the one who's not busy is not any different than the busy one. You're realizing the union of the busy one and the not busy one. In the midst of your busyness, there is actually a calm, not busy person. In Dungshan's progression, this is called simultaneous inclusion, naturally not wasting any time. Beautiful koan, and Darlene Cohen, our beloved Dharma sister, who is no longer with us, about a Darlene.

[18:39]

She wrote a beautiful book on it, and you can study it, and I think I've given entire lectures on that, but we're not going to lecture on that today either. I'm just going to remind you that Not only do you have a Buddha body when you're sitting zazen, but you have a Buddha body when you're washing the dishes. One who's not busy. So, when we're observing ourselves, studying ourselves, we should be willing to admit exactly how we feel. This is observing your life honestly. owning up to. This is what's really going on with me. Not like, oh, I shouldn't be confused. I'm a Zen student and studying Zen for 20 years, so I'll just pretend that's not happening. No. Whatever you're experiencing is what you're experiencing and you honestly own it. Be it. Be with it.

[19:40]

Admit this is how I feel. That's what you're thinking. That's how your body feels. This is what I'm doing. I'm interacting with the world. So to study the self is to study without prejudice. So don't be judging. Oh, this is not so good. I'm not thinking so well. I'm thinking too much. Whatever. It's easy. We spend a lot of time judging. And if you're judging, don't judge your judging. You'd get the drift of where I'm going here. We've got plenty of time to let things go as they go and own them. So that's a very important part to notice to what extent you're judging yourself and giving yourself a hard time about your practice. I guess I'll tell the story.

[20:43]

One time I was sitting at Sashin. I hadn't sat for a while and it was really miserable. And I was just convinced that I was the worst Zen student in the world. Probably was. But anyway, I went to my good friend who I'd been practicing with for 30 years, just like Yunnan and Dao Wu. And I was explaining all this to me and he said, stop it. You wouldn't let anybody treat you like that, like you're treating yourself. You wouldn't let anybody beat yourself up like that. Would you? But you let yourself beat yourself up like that. And somehow he struck to the core and I stopped it. So you can also sometimes notice if you're beating yourself up and say, I don't believe this story I'm telling myself.

[21:47]

I think I'll just stop it. Anyway, so, to continue on exploring this idea of studying yourself, we're still on line one. One translation is to become intimate with. Studying yourself is to become intimate with yourself. And the characters has two components, one meaning wings of the bird, and the other being self. So study means to study the way a baby bird studies his parents to learn to fly. It's a different way of studying. You're observing very carefully. I imagine a baby bird, I don't know what they're thinking, pays a fair amount of attention before jumping off out of that nest. To them it must be the hundredth floor of a... Eiffel Tower or something, up 30 feet in a tree when they do that.

[22:48]

I think that's how we learn to walk. One of the beautiful things, I will embarrass Eli some more about having Maya around here, is we get to see her learn to walk. It's an amazing thing. I mean, it's like a life force is moving her to walking. I don't know if she's thinking about it very much. I really don't know what the research is. Aren't they thinking a lot, Eli, at age one? Not thinking an awful lot. But boy, she is figuring out how to walk. And she is a walking maniac right now. So there's some force there. That kind of learning. That kind of learning is going on in you this week, too. That's your way-seeking mind, some force in you. Even though you're sitting there going, why am I doing this?

[23:50]

But there's something in you that is making, that is sustaining you. Anyway, that's the kind of study we're talking about here. We're studying intimately ourself and feeling what that is that's pushing us forward. So I want to read a little something that Suzuki Roshi had to say about this because he's always so... This is the book we studied in the class, Dogen's Genjo Koan, three commentaries. Commentaries by Bokasan Nishiari and Suzuki Roshi and Koshio Uchiyami. All fascinating. So here's Suzuki Roshi. So on the paragraph, the Dogen paragraph, so Suryodhana says, here he says that in the direct experience, there is no subjectivity or objectivity.

[24:50]

So to study ourselves is to study everything. This is study of Buddhism. That's pretty much his complete commentary on it. I'm going to read that again. Here he says... Here Dogen says that in the direct experience, there is no subjectivity or objectivity. So to study ourselves is to study everything. This is study of Buddhism. I love it. And actually, he does expand on it a little bit. So enlightenment comes from all things to us. And when we attain enlightenment, everything comes. You may say, they made me enlightened, or I attained enlightenment. It is the same thing in direct experience, but in intellectual experience it is not the same. I understand something, but in direct experience I understand something means a truth came to me. Although I didn't expect it, I didn't try to understand the truth, but understanding came.

[25:54]

I just love it when he rambles on like that. So, are we studying ourselves objectively? Are we studying ourselves... subjectively, or are we having a direct experience of life that's different than objectively studying it or subjectively studying it? You notice this in everything. I was thinking about some of you have Raksu's subject-object. Am I wearing my Raksu? Or is my Raksu wearing me? Seems like the normal thing is, well, I'm wearing my Raksu, I put it on. But I notice once I have a Raksu on, I have to be careful the way I move around with it so I don't end up dumping it in the dishwater when I'm washing the dishes and so I don't spill on it when I'm eating.

[27:02]

Pretty soon the whole thing is running my life wearing this rock suit, right? So who's wearing who here, you know? So when you're washing dishes, are the dishes washing you? There's me, dishes, the activity of washing. It's all one thing. It's all mixed up together, this subject-object distinction. It's not me washing dishes. The dishes wash me, the... The shape of the dish affects the way I hold it, where I place it in the water. Somebody hands it to me, that person becomes part of the washing. The whole thing is a mixed up kind of mess of activity. Hard to separate it out. Oriyaki is a perfect example of that, right? Somebody comes and serves you. There's an interaction going on. It's... Where they put the pot is where you have to put your bowl there.

[28:04]

So, wonderful practice. So, Laman Pang, my wondrous activity of chopping wood and carrying water. That's Zen practice. To notice this subtle interaction between our everyday, ordinary activities. It's all one connected activity. But we break it up in our mind. I do things. people do things to me. But everything works together. It's all codependent. It's not like that. You can pick anything, any simple activity that you do and pay attention to that. Suki Roshi says, if you try to understand who you are, it is an endless task and you will never see yourself. It is very difficult to try to think about yourself. To reach a conclusion is almost impossible, and if you continue trying, you will become crazy, and you won't know what to do with yourself.

[29:06]

It's a marvelous thing, and actually... And he quotes Dengshan, the founder of Chinese Soto Zen, saying, don't try to see yourself objectively. Don't try to seek for information about yourself. That is information. The real you is not... that kind of thing. There's some more stuff that I could say about that. But I do feel like we should make a little progress on to study the self is to forget the self, because I think we should do a little of forgetting the self today. To forget yourself I wrote this, is to see your own craziness and not take it so personally. To be with your experience in a non-prejudicial way. And you may notice how much of your experience is around yourself, your self-concern.

[30:10]

Did I do okay? Will they accept me? Why did they disrespect me? Etc. How much of the view of the world is shaped by your condition? Self-concern is the organizing principle of our thoughts and feelings. When you're doing zazen, if you sit there long enough, you will notice how much of your thinking is centered on yourself. In fact, that underlying theme of your thinking, self-concern. I'm driving a point home here. Self-concern. When we have an interaction and feel disrespected, how quickly our mind is filled with distracting thoughts, retaliation, etc. We are clinging to a past moment and no longer living in the present moment. This happens... with great experiences too. We have a wonderful experience. Oh, I want that. I want more of this. I want less of that. The source of our suffering is this clinging to our self. So to forget yourself is a matter of dropping your self-concern.

[31:13]

So that's just something worth noticing. How much of my thinking is around self-concern and can I forget that for a while? but a relief. Put down that for a few days. Put it aside for a little while. It's that small self that gets caught in all the things you do, all the ways, and you get rigid about it. Our opinions, our prejudices, our judgments. But what's more interesting here is that we have a strong belief that there's actually a self there an unchanging thing that is running the show, has its own separate life, and we need to hold on to that, that persistent me that's been with you from the beginning. I remember, I think it's the second ancestor or the third ancestor, I can't remember, was it the second ancestor that went to Bodhidharma and said, I'm suffering, please...

[32:25]

my mind is suffering, please give me some relief and let's pretend it's Bodhidharma, I didn't have time to check it. He says, well, bring me your mind that's suffering and I'll relieve you. And a monk goes away for probably a couple of years and comes back and says, I can't find it. I can't find, there is no mind, there's no permanent mind that's suffering here. So that sort of solved this problem. Uh, I mean, we have stories about this in the Diamond Sutra. As stars a fault of vision, as a lamp, a mock show, dew drops or a bubble, a dream, a lightning flash or clouds, so should one view that which is conditioned itself. Or the Vimalakirti Sutra, which we studied extensively. Vimalakirti begins this passage by describing... this insubstantiality of beings.

[33:27]

Thereupon Manjushri, the crown prince, addressed Vimalakirti, Good sir, how should a Bodhisattva regard all living beings? Vimalakirti replied, Manjushri, a Bodhisattva should regard all living beings as a wise man regards the reflection of the moon in the water or as magicians regarding men created by magic. He should regard them as being like a face in a mirror, like a water of a mirage, like a sound of an echo, like a mass of clouds in the sky, like the previous moment of a ball of foam, like the appearance and disappearance of a bubble of water. He goes on and on. There's some more. Like the core of a plantain dream, like a flash of lightning, like the existence of desire, hatred and folly in a saint. So in the scriptures we have vast descriptions of the fact that there is nothing inside of us, actually.

[34:31]

So a thought to ponder a little bit. Just to comment on, this is from chapter, I think it's seven of the Vinaya Kirti Sutra, and after all of this description about the... insubstantiality of beings, Manjushri asked further, well, noble sir, if a bodhisattva considers all living beings in such a way, how does he generate the great love toward them? There's nothing there. I've got nothing here. And Vimalapakirti replied, Manjushri, when a bodhisattva considers all living beings in this way, he thinks, just as I have realized the Dharma, so should I teach it to living beings, thereby he generates the love that is truly a refuge for all living beings. I read that sentence and it didn't seem to answer the question for me. And of course, this is a marvelous area to think and study about. If there is no person there, you or me, what's all this?

[35:36]

Why do we make such effort to love each other? Where does that come from? It's a marvelous question, which I, again, topic number three that I brought up today that I'm not going to... discuss and maybe save for future conversation. Siddhartha Hiroshi says, when we forget ourselves, we actually are the true activity of big existence, of reality itself. When we realize this fact, there is no problem whatsoever in this world and we can enjoy our life without feeling any difficulties. The purpose of our practice is to be aware of that fact. That's a preview of.

[36:37]

To forget the self is to be actualized by myriad things. When we forget ourselves, we are actually the true activity of the big existence or reality itself the myriad things reality actualizes us awakens us when you let yourself go you can appreciate the world you live in even the tragic parts no longer dividing it into things that are good for me and the things that are bad for me. This is renunciation. It's time for the kitchen to go. Thank you very much in advance for lunch. Well, we got halfway through the paragraph, leaving more for me

[37:48]

to rewrite tomorrow morning before lecture three. To study the Buddha way is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be actualized by myriad things. When actualized by myriad things, your body and mind, as well as the bodies and minds of others, drop away. No trace of realization remains, and this no trace continues endlessly. Look and see what's going on in this moment of your living. Every moment is gone, a death. Whatever our problem is, difficult relationships, a grieving heart, an aging body and mind, or some mysterious longing, that is your life. We don't notice how marvelous it is to be alive because we are so busy.

[38:53]

We don't notice how marvelous it is to be alive and share our life with other people and how brief and how great it is that we are all here together. We forget. We forget to be grateful to live a human life. It is natural. It's part of being a human to forget. If we practice, it will be more. difficult to forget. And we will forget less often. I wish you a day of wonderful sitting and we'll see you tomorrow. Same place. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge. and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma.

[39:57]

For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[40:08]

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