This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. As the Eno said, this is the day of Buddha's birthday, or at least as we celebrate it here, the day that we are celebrating it here in San Francisco Zen Center. And traditionally around the world, April 8th and May 8th do tend to be times that the birthday is celebrated. And, you know, I was thinking about a life, you know, when you watch the biography channel, we have this channel where they go through biographies and they talk about, you know, for an hour or 90 minutes, someone's life. And there's usually a thread throughout that life. that this person, an artist, a politician, someone, a scientist, this is a thread throughout their life.

[01:05]

And you kind of get that theme by the time the episode is over about the biography of this person. And I was thinking about the biography of the Buddha and what that would be, the thread that runs through the Buddha's life. And what would that be? You know, we're going to be celebrating this life today. We have a ceremony. It's one where we bathe the baby Buddha. We have a little Buddha. We pour water on top of the Buddha. The Buddha, as far as historical tradition or mythology, however you view it, was born standing up after Queen Maya had a dream of having an elephant, a white elephant, go inside of her. Born standing up, takes seven steps, points up and points down and makes the statement that he is the world honored one. And the seven steps symbolizing north, south, east, west, up and down and right here.

[02:08]

All beings that have ever lived. The symbol of this in this ceremony and bathing the Buddha. wiping away the defilements so we can see the innate Buddha nature that all of us have, the things that we do that keep us from actually seeing that link, that gloriousness between all and the rest of humanity. And that's beautiful in this ceremony we're going to do today. And when we think about that, I think about, well, what is the life lesson? What is the life that this... you know, archetype, this Buddha, 25 centuries ago in the Indo-Gangetic Plain. What was it that permeates so much through all these different countries that people keep talking about the Buddha and the Buddha's life? Uchiyama Roshi, or Kosho Uchiyama, a Zen master from the 20th century, had this to say about the Bodhisattva.

[03:13]

He said the Bodhisattva, Bodhi Awakening Sattva person, the Bodhisattva is an ordinary person who takes up a course in his or her life that moves in the direction of Buddha. You and I, actually anyone who directs their attention, their life to practicing the way of a Buddha is a Bodhisattva. So the people who are living in the direction of being a Buddha are called Bodhisattvas. So then what's the threat of Bodhisattvas? What is the unique thing about a Bodhisattva life? What is the state of mind of someone who is a Bodhisattva? If you ever want to find a really interesting website to look things up, I love Oxford Bibliographies. It takes all these different articles from around the world and synthesizes one word and says, this is kind of in a few paragraphs, what everyone thinks. And according to Oxford Bibliographies, There's this word bodhicitta, which many of you have probably heard before.

[04:16]

And it says this Sanskrit word bodhicitta refers to the state of mind of a bodhisattva. One who pursues Buddhahood in order to the benefit of others. In order to the benefit of others. So bodhicitta is the state of mind of these people who are trying to live like the Buddha. And that state of mind is to live for the benefit of others. To actually have space for other people. The impact of the people around me is an important piece of this. But how does pursuing Buddhahood with this awakened mind for the benefit of others translate into daily life? Well, I want to start off with... A quote from Lama Yeshi, who was a Tibetan Lama, spent time teaching in California in the 70s and 80s.

[05:20]

And in one of his last retreats, he had this to say about bodhicitta, this state of mind that people who are trying to live like the Buddha have. And he said, why bodhicitta is necessary for success in meditation. Because of selfish grasping. If you have a good meditation but don't have bodhicitta, you will grasp at any little experience of bliss. Me, me, me. I want more. Then the good experience disappears completely. Grasping is the greatest distraction to experiencing single-pointed intensive awareness and meditation. And with it, we are always dedicated to our own happiness. Me. I'm miserable. I want to be happy. Therefore, I'll meditate. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way. Meditation and the zazen that we sit is practice for life.

[06:24]

How I will deal with the next thing that comes up. What is happening now? What is happening now on the cushion as it comes up? And if I'm sitting there grasping for me, there is something that is going to not work i'm actually driving with the brakes on i'm not going to actually get there this doesn't work this is a self-defeating process you might have heard that in the buddhist spiritual path there's two things that must arise together at the same time and in very much in the same way wisdom and compassion wisdom and compassion and it's very difficult to cultivate the fertile soil for compassion for the people around us if i'm grasping that doesn't actually rise up wisdom or maybe some insight might rise up and then i might become detached and be a knowledgeable island but i'm not going to actually have bodhicitta which is the way that this buddha archetype person lived years ago that we are celebrating today

[07:37]

He was practicing that other people after him would be able to be more encouraged, more able to be a person with this body and this mind in this moment. To be more empowered, to be more encouraged. And so that one example of zazen and how that it really doesn't work if I'm grasping is what we take off of the cushion and into our daily life. But as I look around now in this year of 2022, I think about the stress that the world is under. Each person probably has a little bit more stress in their life now just because of events in the world and because of things that are happening, things that have bubbled up in the last couple of years. And sometimes the feeling is... I don't have enough time to do my schedule or take care of me in these stressful times, let alone have some space for being there for other people.

[08:50]

I mean, I can be there on the surface, but I've really got to watch things right now. This is a time where I'm really, really stretched. In difficult times, they show us a lot about the Bodhisattva vow. Because in difficult times, I can really see how I get knocked off course. And I can see where I need to take extra care. Because my margin of error is smaller in difficult times. My margin of error is smaller in difficult times. For years, I suffered with insomnia. sleep on a regular basis. I didn't even really think I slept that poorly until I started talking out loud about it to other people. I realized that it's not normal to never go more than two days in a row with decent sleep.

[09:52]

If I ever put together three days in a row with decent sleep, I thought that was really amazing. I don't think there was ever seven days in a row where I had decent sleep. So I started to address this thing about sleep, and I went to the UCSF sleep clinic, and I started working with a sleep specialist, learning all about the different things that had to do with sleep. And I found that there were a few things that I needed to do that really were impacting my sleep. And at the sleep clinic at UCSF, they're just great. And they have this list they start you off with. It's a list of 25 things. And they just start adding them into your life until you start to sleep. And after I added about five or six things into my life, I started to sleep. And they said to me, you have to realize something, that with the way that you are put together, if you want to function in society, you don't have the same margin of error. You need to do these things, and if you do these things, you will be able to sleep.

[10:56]

But if you don't do these things, chances are you won't sleep that well. And maybe it's not fair that other people don't have to do those things, you know, but that is how you're wired. Your margin of error just isn't that great. And through that, I became a mild amateur expert in sleep. through all of having to pay attention to it and what happens and melatonin and how it releases and lights and cycles of the moon and my exercise and how to prepare my bed and just different things of looking into it. But I had to in order to function in society and be a healthy person and to get decent sleep. I had to focus on that. And that is a lot of what the Buddhist practice does for us. is it helps us practice on how can I actually show up for life in a way that I can also show up for other people. And in difficult times, our margin of error is so much smaller than it is in other times because it's so much easier to get knocked off course.

[12:08]

And then I'm thinking, well, the world has this pandemic. My city has this pandemic. We have things that have bubbled up politically. We have things that have bubbled up with social justice. We have things that have to do with wars in this world and economic collapses. And these things are stressors and they can pull me off course. And I can worry and I can be anxious. And I can feel like just getting through my day, just getting through my day is enough. And I don't really have a lot of extra time for the imperfections of the people around me. And I start to grasp at my happiness, my stability, and to get to be a little bit of an island. The Michael Island that says, I need to take care of this here. This is most important. Stressful times.

[13:13]

show us a lot about the Bodhisattva vow. And what I want to talk about and emphasize for the rest of the talk has to do with living in difficult times and the things that I've learned from the people around me and from the teachers at Zen Center and from very insightful folks that have lived through difficult times. And I propose that the way that... A person can actually thrive in difficult times, like the Buddha who lived through a time of great war and strife and saw friends and family killed and villages raised. The way that we can actually live in difficult times and thrive is by realizing that it's a team sport and by realizing that I'm not disconnected. There's this quote that I just love. One of the students that I worked with gave it to me, and we're not sure exactly who said it, but it is, if not for this rock side, the shadow, I could be in the sun.

[14:28]

If not for this rock side, the shadow, I could be in the sun. And that is how I feel many times. But it is a team sport, and those three objects are connected. And they don't exist without each other. And if I'm going to thrive in difficult times, the way that the Buddha thrived, with the state of mind being bodhicitta, then I am going to realize that I'm going to do this with others. And we all have different personalities. Some people are more gregarious. Some people are more introverted. It's not about the scope of energy. But it's about the state of mind and how I am living. I think of my dad.

[15:35]

My dad was a deacon in our church growing up. And he had this one quality that I always really appreciated. And it was the view that you always show up five minutes early because you never know if somebody's going to need some help. And he said to me one time, the best reason to want a bigger house or apartment is so that you can have a guest room. If you ever wanted to have a bigger house or a bigger apartment, it's so that you could have a guest room. And that's a mentality that I might live in a way, maybe wanting to create space in my life intentionally so that there would be a place for others when they're seeking refuge, when they're having a downtime, when they're stressed, when they don't know what to do or when they just spill over and are being imperfect. If I have my house in order and I've cultivated things in a way I can absorb a little bit more and

[16:39]

than just michael's imperfections and mistakes i might be able to make it easier for the person next to me my sister my brother to be on this planet as well and that was the lesson in the biography story of the buddha that i saw was living with bodhicitta wanting to have the bigger house of the bigger apartment so that i would have space Or someone else. And realizing that this is a team sport. That this is. Integrated. And that we're not separate. And that I need the rock. And I need the sun. As a shadow. One of the things I was encouraged to do. Was to take an inventory. Of what. Exhausts me. And what rejuvenates me. Because just like with the sleep clinic, when we have a period of time where the margin of error gets smaller, I need to be able to hone in on where it is that I am losing my energy emotionally, where that emotional reservoir is being taken up.

[18:00]

We all know what it's like whenever your emotional reservoir is full. And then somebody next to you does something imperfect. Now, you might as an adult be able to smile or put on a good face, but inside you might be stressed by that because your emotional reservoir is full. There just isn't quite the space for the person to be imperfect on the bus, at work, at home, because you are already full in your emotional reservoir. What are the things that rejuvenate me and what are the things that exhaust me? Doing this inventory... is something that allows me to be able to start to look at the barometer of how that needle goes back and forth. Have you ever heard of the term microdosing? It's something that people have studied a lot recently, especially in the last 10 years, about taking different substances or medications at a level that your conscious mind really isn't aware of it, but you kind of notice the effect in your rearview mirror.

[19:02]

You kind of notice the effect that has been happening. You're like, well, I'm more organized or I sleep better or I'm less anxious. But it's not really something that happens where I take a dose of whatever medication to the point that my conscious mind is aware of it. And a lot of things that we do in the Buddhist practice are like this. We call it walking in the mist. The things that are happening below the conscious level, but they are practices that exhaust us or they rejuvenate us. And in looking at these things, for instance, I might be able to look at the news every day. Or I might be able to surf the internet and be engaged with social media. Or I might be able to stay up until a certain period of time at night and still be able to get up in the morning. Or I might be able to not exercise for weeks on end. There might be things I might be able to do that in my conscious mind don't necessarily say,

[20:05]

stop, this is not working. But in paying attention to my rearview mirror and how things are going, is it really working? Can I really listen to the news every day? Do I need to? Or maybe do I do a mindful practice around when I'm going to listen to the news? Maybe listening to the news every day is fine for you, but maybe for five minutes, maybe for 10 minutes, but maybe not an hour in the morning and in the evening and at lunch and ruminating over things that I can do nothing about. And maybe I can get away with not exercising for times on end, or maybe I can isolate myself and whatever it is that I do to escape. Maybe it doesn't bubble up to my conscious mind. so much today but I noticed the last time that I was around that person that was annoying I didn't have much bandwidth left for that person and I was an adult and I did the right thing and I put on the right face hopefully not always and then I could notice in their face that they realized that I was just putting on a good face

[21:26]

Because I really didn't have the bandwidth inside for their imperfection or their mistake or their spilling over. I wasn't able to be there for them because I was already full in my emotional reservoir. Because I was already anxious from the way that I was living. from my lack of sleep or my disconnection from the people around me or from the way that I seek entertainment or escape or just any infinite number of things that I might be doing in my life that don't bubble up to the place that I say that in my conscious mind this isn't working for me. But I noticed that when I interact with people around me that aren't necessarily so perfect in my opinion, that my body has a reaction. I have a feeling that I can't naturally show up for people. And you know what it's like when you naturally show up for people. That's great. You know, it's great. Somebody is having a moment. They need you to hold the space. Maybe you're not really even saying anything, but just your presence is helping. But you're not feeling overly burdened.

[22:29]

You're not feeling that your emotional reservoir is spilling over. And you can take that. And that person can tell that. And you can see it in their face. And we all know what it's like to be around that person. You can think of people in your life that had space for you and you didn't have to be perfect. You could be creative. You can make mistakes. You could try on new hats. You could just generally be yourself and you could try things out. We know what it's like to be around a person like that. And we also know what it's like to be around someone else that is not like that with us, that is critical, that is tight, that doesn't have the time, that is overly burdened by what it is that's going on in our life. And we're not as creative and we're not as free-flowing and we're not as spontaneous and we're not as in touch with our humanity. And we're a little bit more worried and a little bit more conscious of self. Learning how to be the person that lives in a way that naturally has cultivated that space for the people around us is the bodhicitta path, the state of mind of the individuals that are bodhisattvas.

[23:39]

the individuals that are trying to live in a way like the Buddha. And when we cultivate things, it's not things that we summon. Sometimes we can summon things, but if I'm in a difficult situation or a difficult conversation, a difficult interaction, the person that I'm with or the people that I'm with will be able on some sort of subconscious level tell whether or not I have the space for this moment or I don't. We communicate these things. We have the illusion that we get away with it if I put on the right face and I say the right words. But that's an illusion. On some level, I communicate it. And people notice. And these micro moments of interactions with the people around me, day after day after day, minute by minute, end up building my life and the life around me. I'm that little pebble that gets dropped in the water.

[24:41]

And that ripple effect, the impact of my state of mind, starts to spread out around me. And that impact of that little pebble 2,500 years ago in the endogangetic plane has been rippling out ever since. And it's been making the world a better place. It has been creating space for people to be with this body and this mind in this moment with a little less suffering. And cultivating something as opposed to having to summon it in the moment is a huge thing. But we all know what it's like to cultivate something. We do it every day when we go to bed. You don't plop down in bed, you know, 10 seconds between, oh, I need to go to bed. And then 10 seconds later, you take off your clothes, you jump into bed. And then you say to yourself, one, two, three, sleep. You know, you don't summon sleep. You set everything up. You set an environment up. You set a mentality up.

[25:42]

You set a place up. You try to relax. And then you just set it all up. And you don't know when it happens, but somewhere in there, boom, you're sleeping. You cultivate a setting, and then you let the moment unfold. You cultivate a setting, then you let the moment unfold. And so we live in a way that we cultivate. What is working for me? What is exhausting myself? What is rejuvenating myself? And paying attention to this as I'm going throughout my day, how I'm living. Am I living in a way that is more winding me up or more expanding and letting me be spacious? I can create a schedule for my life. I want to do these things. Here's my schedule. I create a schedule for the week. I create a schedule for the day. I look at the schedule for the morning. And I might say, this looks doable. This will be my schedule. But if I do it with a razor-thin margin where everything has to go just right, then I might get really wound in trying to make this happen.

[26:48]

And if it's a series of things that make me tight and tense, I might not have much space instinctively, spontaneously cultivated when trouble arises, when a situation arises, when tension arises. Until I have a little extra room in my house, I can't naturally show up for others. And it's the little things in life. It's noticing when that grasping occurs, when that want occurs, when I want something for me that gets in the way of other people. I think of something really literal that has to do with food. I love avocados. And I love it whenever at the city center kitchen, we have avocados available for salad. And they've sliced those avocados and they're there.

[27:49]

But you don't start with the avocados. You actually start with the grain and the soup. And so you're in line and you can see the bowl of avocados on the table on your left. And you can see other people going and taking avocados. And if you're late in line... You might notice that the avocado bowl is getting low and you haven't gotten your soup yet. And you're just hoping, you know, I hope that there's avocados when I get there. And then you see someone out of the corner of your eye taking a lot of avocados. And you're thinking, oh boy, I don't know if I'm going to have any avocados. It's just a very literal primal grasping food. And other people get to go first. What is it that interrupts the grasping? There's different things. There's mindsets. And I love it when people talk about mindsets. The mindset of creating space for others.

[28:50]

So I had this one thing that I did just as a practice thing. Whenever I'm looking at avocados. I imagine in my mind, as I'm standing there with my plate of rice, I haven't got my soup yet, and I have all this food in front of me, I'm going to get fed. And I imagine that across the room, instead of seeing people take avocados, I'm seeing a row of five or six children that are three years old that don't have food. Because at any given time on the planet, that is happening all over the place. And they're watching me put rice on my plate. Oh, how that shifts. And I don't care about avocados anymore.

[29:56]

What creates space where we can actually feel the humanity that is around us, the suffering that is going on around us? What helps us rejuvenate and create this quality of bodhicitta that allows us to return back to the spaciousness for the people around us, to really touch it, with our heart, where we feel it in our core, that I am not living some sort of life for myself. And I'm not going to get some sort of goal. Unless everybody gets to cross the finish line. If not for this rock side the shadow, I could be in the sun. If not for this rock, I wouldn't be a shadow.

[31:11]

The Heart Sutra is one of the most quoted and chanted verses in Buddhism, especially in our school. And the Heart Sutra starts off and it really tells us the way this whole thing works. I often think that the first sentence of the Heart Sutra is Buddhism in a nutshell. It's everything about Buddhism right there in a nutshell. And the Heart Sutra, you'll see it carved into ancient walls, and you'll see it on so many places, because it really starts to get into what it is to be a Buddha, what it is to have bodhicitta. Wisdom and compassion have to rise up together. And in the very first sentence, It says, Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva. So the Bodhisattva we already know about, Avalokiteshvara, is the archetype of compassion.

[32:18]

This is the Heart of Great Perfect Wisdom Sutra, and it starts off with the archetype of compassion. Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, when deeply practicing Prajnaparamita, the perfection of wisdom. Wisdom and compassion rise up together. Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva. Bodhisattva, the one who lives with Bodhicitta, the one who lives with space for the person next to them, for their fellow sister, their fellow brother. And doing it with compassion, Avalokiteshvara, when deeply practicing Prajnaparamita, perfection of wisdom. Clearly saw that all five aggregates, the five aggregates are, you know, things that you can... The phenomena of the world, you know, touching and seeing and tasting the phenomenal mind states, the things that happen as a human being that let us function in the literal phenomenal world as we see it.

[33:25]

Clearly solid, all five aggregates are empty, that these things are passing, that they are not solid, that they're empty. They're empty like the form of a wave is empty. because it's not permanent. Everyone gets that a wave is not permanent. There's nothing solid around a wave, just a whole bunch of water, and a water is a whole bunch of hydrogen and oxygen, and it's a whole, you know, this is not a permanent, it's not even a thing, but it has a form, but it's empty. The form of these five aggregates, everything that we interact with, this is empty, clearly saw through that, and the end result, and thus relieved all suffering. Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, when deeply practicing Prajnaparamita, clearly saw that all five aggregates are empty and thus relieved all suffering. Buddhism in a nutshell. 25 centuries ago, there was this lesson that was being taught in India.

[34:36]

about a way to live. A way to live that would spill out and be there for the people around us. And a way to live that's cultivating a life moment by moment. Like a garden that is being cultivated so that it can sustain taller growth. Because when the moment arises, it's usually too much in that moment. to all of a sudden summon Bodhicitta. We can learn to put on a certain face, to be an adult. But if we don't have the space for it, that moment is going to really wind us up. And moment after moment like that will make it very difficult for us to be around other people and for other people to be around us. And so we're cultivating this.

[35:37]

because we don't know what moment might be arising next. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or when this talk is over or before this talk is over. We don't know what is going to arise and how it is that we will digest it. And so we're cultivating this extra room in our apartment so that when the person next to us has an imperfect moment, when they need some place to be, when they need to feel spacious, like that person that we were imagining earlier when we were talking about imagining the person in our life that we've had that was spacious for us, who just seemed to be a grandmotherly mind that had this spacious mind that was there for us and we didn't have to be perfect. It allowed us to and to have the fertile soil where we could be creative and try on different things.

[36:42]

And we had oxygen to breathe and didn't have to be so perfect. And how much easier is it to live if our influences around us are being spacious with us? And how much easier is it to be with each other if we have cultivated a way that allows us to naturally show up? This is a lifelong process. And I get overwhelmed all the time in my emotional reservoir with things that have spilled over. But some of the most happy times in my Buddhist practice and in my experience, the reason I'm so grateful for San Francisco Zen Center and for this life that I've been shown by my teacher, Paul Haller, and for all of the people that came before me that brought Buddhism to America and Suzuki Roshi. is that it makes it easier for me to be this person in this mind, in this moment, a little bit more.

[37:45]

And my bother dissipates a little bit easier, a little bit more quickly. And some of the most encouraging times in Buddhist practice for me, I've been walking away from a difficult conversation and just noticing in my body, I think this is only going to ruin the next 15 minutes. That used to destroy my whole day. Or being in a conversation with someone that I find to be impossible. And realizing that even though I still find them impossible, and even though they wind me up, some molecules of compassion actually creeped into the conversation. And I actually do feel for them a little bit. It's a lifelong process. That just unfolds with the intention of having the bodhicitta... state of mind which is the bodhisattva vow the important thing today and the lesson of how the buddha lived is that those around him and those who came after and heard about his life would be encouraged to live for those around themselves connected compassionate and awake that they would seek to create a little more space for the needs and imperfections of their sisters and brothers

[39:06]

by living a life attuned to what is making me more generous or more tight. The Buddhist practice is centered on how to work with this one mystery, the mystery of my suffering, and how to lessen it so that I might show up for the world. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge. And this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[39:53]

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