August 4th, 2001, Serial No. 03946

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in a
come money
ah as parler les must have you know in the midst of our three week intensive which means that we are glory okay are you dying of heat little bit know isn't that interesting and a half a dozen was something for protein
you know what i was gonna say
i got mixed up between half a one six of an addict and something for somebody somebody else's anthony
it was close it was even they were both coming out and exactly the same
but you know what i met
so am
so in the midst of a few week intensive meditation intensive for the most part and what that means for those who either don't quite know it means that we're sitting seven periods a day which is very nice
i need that myself
i'm very happy that a few number of other people are actually decided that they wanted to do that too because without them i couldn't do it
and it's really interesting that as i'm doing the day and i'll explain what the day is tear as i'm doing my day going through the day with everybody i really did it here's the flemish eight i'll tell you the schedule then you understand why we get up in the morning first thing we do get us and since effort and we go to thousand
two periods good has very good i've just woken up from sleep and ah
ice ice and then we do the rest of the day we started yesterday we do breakfast formerly form a three form or three bowls formal meal in this and are very nice
and the serving is really nice now it's kind of very smooth and by the time i pick my head up and ready for the next thing that x fingers swishing out the door inside it's very nice
that hurts the to go forward you have in your knees shins
in a dozen sitting there and everything's fine and then you have to go like this
and then we have fair
skip service tonight had service that we have so she we didn't temple cleaning a little bit that we have breakfast all the while we're quiet not talking to anybody just with ourselves
that's actually what i want to talk about today that talking to ourselves part
they all talk to yourself
this is almost the end of my talk okay so let me just get to that bottom line soon the talking to ourselves is the problem k that mind that talks to us is not necessary if we could just left that might be there but
not pay any attention to it to set it aside all the times difficult to do that's why we keep going back to the center but if we could just do their if we can just not pay attention to that to the mind that champers away all the time that's really important can't just every time it comes up
don't invited for tea just let it say what it has to say say thank you very much and by a certain age you really know that all of the advice that it has given you in the past
see it or even after everything to around
but is it true or not i mean think about it think about it do we have to be smashed over the head to really get that it really is not giving us very good advice
in certain things it's very good for you know
yeah and logical things and
distinguishing bear from fruit bat kind of stuff it's really good at that about spiritual growth maturity relationship anything that is actually
i was gonna say meaningful i don't mean meaningful to let out i don't mean to exclude you know the logic blind that mine but the dualistic mind when it has to do with things that are basically non dualistic
it has nothing to advise he doesn't even have doesn't even have a chance because it can't conceive of the most important truths of our life which is basically that we are all one life life itself living itself out and everything is abundant
ain't enough to feed us everything we need for the little self doesn't think so so it runs around being terribly afraid that it's not going to get its little piece of the by
ah so that all happens before we have breakfast
but but mostly if if we are making an effort anyway to be present to come back and be present eventually after some amount of saying it might be that that mind quiets down if we really we stay
hey make an effort to stay present because the dualistic minor the egoic mind doesn't have a job in the present moment that's why it's so frightened to be present because it's going to die which we want it
so if it's convinced if we kind of convince it that we really are going to be present eventually it sort of slows down and there are gaps between the thoughts and ah there's some
awakening of silence space of relief and rest and ease and joy and peace finally that's where it is it's it's beyond for thinking mind beyond the dualistic mind
so then we have
a brag that we have a break that we come back we have study where we can study something about buddhism that we have ah
class and then we go back to this ando
then we have formal than service and we have formal lunch that we have a break and we work but during work we talk about work related stuff
and then we have
back to this ando again and then we have service and then now the hardest part of the day comes
the day is after service we have an unscheduled period of dinner where we can actually talk socially to other human beings
and this is by far from up many many people most paper for most difficult time of the day
funny isn't it
that's true
they other really hard time his day off
it's true because if you don't really fill it up with activity you're left with you
and sometimes that's not the most comfortable person to be left with
so the reason why i'm telling the schedule is because it's set up particularly in xin what we do is we do this formal meditation practice and then we let ourselves out a little bit from from sitting meditation we let ourselves out
and we learn where we get into trouble and then we pitter-patter back to the zendo very happily back to the zendo so that we can sit there looking at what pay dualistic mind is coming up with
how it contracts how it reinforces the sense of separation as the real truth and how it may have the ideas that come up for it the way it thinks it needs to take care of it and it's very very convincing and
it will use anything to keep creating itself whether it's a down point of view or where there isn't a point of view
i really understand i can help people
this is your separate self talking
truly person with sense of no separation just as present meeting what arises and being intimate with that you don't have to sit back and say i hate that person suffering i can help that person

so i'm actually what i did was i brought two books of poems because when i wanted to talk about was percival two reasons why to be present what we're talking about all the time in soto's in
is basically please we just make that request please be present please do your best to understand why it can't be present and then make your best effort to come back to the present moment to your body body is always present it's always hear you can use it it's really good for it so why do we keep saying that
at well for two reasons mostly probably i don't have to convince you but just in case two reasons one is if we aren't really present watching carefully the condition mind will take it's diluted self and
slap it onto other things and other people and we will hurt ourselves and other people
and this in our heart of hearts we don't want to do this
so the less were present the more we unconsciously allow ourselves to take the advice of the dualistic mind and we end up
hurting people because of it
and the second reason to be present is because when we're not present to ourselves and cut off the part of ourselves that we don't want to pay attention to we kill ourselves we die that much of us dies that much of us dies

so the way that is recommended is to watch the dualistic mind but not identify with it
watch the content of the mind but don't buy into the content see it as a process rather than as the cause the truth
you watch the words that the realistic mind says and you you see it you see it but you're washing the process of the mind you're not buying into the content of the mind the more you buy into the content of the mind is the more you identify with that mind the more you identify with to mind the stronger yeah
your emotions are and come up when you're hurt when you think you're hurt
so it's a real clue the emotions are actually just the response of the mind to this identification with thought
so when you have a big rush of anger let's say just energy coming up
as the body's response to usually heard or frustration or fear
and what is the fear the fear is that the small self thinks it's going to not survive and the brilliance of being a human being is that we have we developed this mind to tell us what we think is a threat and what we think is not a threat
so it's actually pretty good
has just overused in areas and it doesn't know anything about
so in the texts that were studying what it recommends is is to pay really close attention to the details of things and forms
so i brought poems about that because i figured the already have the gist of what it is that we're trying to do and why so i thought i'd read use
what some poets have to say about things that things of the world the things of our lives that we usually disregard as just there for our use and then we can kinda throw them away

these repos their cottage the book is called olds to come and things by neruda and i wish i could read it to you and spanish but i can't
so i'm being the english
and the first one is called
ode to things
i have a crazy crazy love of things i like pliers and scissors i love cups rings and bowls not to speak of course at hats i love hats i love all things not just the grass
grandest also the infinitely small thimble spurs plates and flower vases
oh yes and the planet is sublime
it's full of pipes weaving handheld through tobacco smoke and keys and salt shakers everything i mean that has made by the hand of people every little thing shapely shoes and fabric and each new bloodless birth of gold eyeglasses carp
winters nails brushes clocks campuses coins in the so soft softness of chairs
human beings and of built oh so many perfect things built them of wall and of would have glass and rope remarkable tables ships and stairways i love all things not because they are passionate or sweet smelling but because i don't know
no because this ocean is yours and mine
these buttons and wheels and little forgotten treasures fans upon whose feathers love has scattered it's blossoms
glasses knives and scissors all bear the trace of someone's fingers on their handle her surface the trace of a distant hand lost in the depths of forgetfulness
i pause in houses streets and elevators touching things identifying objects that i scarcely cover secretly covet
this one because it rings that one because it's as soft as the softness of a woman's hip that one there for its deep sea color and that one for its velvet feel
oh irrevocable river of things no one can say that i loved only fish was a plants of the jungle in the field that i loved only those things that leap and climb desire and survive it's not true
conspired to tell me the whole story
not only did they touch me or my hand touched them
they were so close that they were a part of my being
they were so alive with me that they lived half my life
hemel die half my death
so here we have a poet's way of talking to us about kitchen work
or the dependent arising of our lives or as we read in the tens okay can wishes the texts that were studying nothing is hidden
ah the truth of our lives the truth of are not our lives the truth of life itself
his all around us as we all live this one life so we value in that way everything equally
every person in this room is a unique and particularly amazing manifestation of the truth the total truth

and it's the job of the ten in the kitchen to manifest that
the kitchen is a place of love
in tibetan tradition they do practices before they get to certain other teachings like one hundred thousand bows and one hundred thousand munch's and hundred thousand sense and seventeen when ed brown went to car mitchell and which is it to tibet
in practice place to give a teaching on how zen center or this then center practice that the kitchen he taught to them about how we do one hundred thousand carats one hundred thousand
he was joking were kind of anyway know you know

if we handle each thing in the kitchen as the text says as if it's our eyes if we understand that each thing is a manifestation of our life
if we see each person
as a reflection of our selves our true self our big setup than the tens or just goes around encouraging that manifestation oh a carrot
my it's amazing
piece of broccoli something fallen on the floor the floor at all
compost the sink the dishes
this is the same attitude with which we approach work in the outside so called outside same thing same kind of thing you don't choose the people that you work with we don't choose the people that were in the issue with
so we leave this ando
perfect stability and calmness

yesterday i think it was yesterday i can't even tell anymore yesterday they did road work out it was it yesterday
two days ago two days ago they did an amazing thing i say
good one day
the day before they cut a line down the middle of the street
and then parked this enormous mammoth that's how i saw i saw it as a mammoth with tusks in a very big long nose
a mastodon they parked a mastodon
on the corner
and then the next day very early in the morning a number of men came they drove the mastodon up the street
very squeaky and they
and the macedon from the top of the street began picking up the cook street the concrete which is six eight inches in depth
underneath it it's dirt in case anybody was crushed me
they earn is still down there
she will have her day job
all aware that is up picked up all of the as it was going down the hill breaking up picking up putting it into the being big truck that was waiting earth exposed cement pouring men walking all over the cement
pushing pulling it down flattening it it up brushing winds across it coming down the street all day long
reminds me of that poem from mary oliver a big black bear coming down the mountain flicking her tongue it was kind of like that all day long was coming down the street tearing it up and putting it back down again
it was amazing totally amazing
it was just what it was
just what it was was extraordinary
just what it was
and the nice thing about it was i didn't as i was watching it i didn't have a thought of this was my experience and then i'm going to go somewhere in tell it to somebody
that's the small cells making everything that happens it's own event
no matter what happens if you and you say something and then the small self grabs it makes it your event to people are having difficulty and instead of it being just two people having difficulty it has relationship to you
and you take it as your event
you to say what i'm talking about the self cleans everything uses everything your experience or some experience that supposed to be outside you so it takes it and it makes it an experienced to recreate yourself
all the time
oh i am to stop
well i wanted to read your poem from kids
but i want
maybe i am i
okay here's another self maybe i will maybe i'm like
maybe i will name a one and then you get worried about it what should i or shouldn't i
will i be happier if i do or if i don't well they like me better if i do or if i don't

another one is
pay to if i don't
oh stared i'll tell your story about the kitchen

this is a story about the kitchen from hell

a long time ago there was a tender

just before she was ten xo
she was she so which was which means she gets a gift she gets a gift of awakening
and then the world brought her the kitchen from hell
i'll describe it here
there was no phone to do the ordering
there was no assistant for in there was no phuket in there was no assistant in the kitchen she had heard her back and had to lie down per month
the crew was completely new and untrained
one of the guess cooks hated her
the food was coming in wrong so things were missing

there was nobody to cook dinner so she had to cook the dinner for the students
can get any worse

think that was in that was whole thing
that was a kitchen from hell
and one day
the order came in
first before this where it came in a number of others borders came in and when each order came in something would be missing and the gas cook who hated her would tell everybody that it was her fault and the tens or can't do anything about it because the tensors job is to make sure that everything in everybody in the kitchen thing
that everything is going all right so that they don't panic
because if the kitchen panics it's very difficult for the tens zero especially when the ten zo is having to do so much else oh that's right i forgot also the tens of had to do their job which was to order and make the menus
so the food would come in it would be wrong she would get blamed and she was trying to figure out where y is what is happening here so the first thing that happened was she went over and over and over and over her orders they were right
k the next thing she did where she blamed the person she was sure that the person who took it from the mountains over the mountains to then call it into the
where you got food from had made a mistake
now mustn't that person's mistake either
okay so one day she had ordered two boxes of grapes
the order came in and she was checking laughter stuff
one boxer grapes
two boxers a great
three bucks is a great
four bucks games
five bucks years
six packs of it is
eight boxes of grapes
eight bucks as a graves she started to laugh
what else can she did
turned out that the place that was
get we've got the food from had new people on the job and for weeks they'd been getting the order wrong
and all that time this churning was happening in the kitchen churning turning journey it was the beginning of the summer and we didn't know yet that we were all one event it takes a long time to make a kitchen one dad
since one intimate body one mind it takes months and during that time each person gets to be who they are
and at first you think they should be another way but by the end of the time you actually simply appreciate each person for who they are and what they're contributing to the dance
by the end of this summer i'll tell you one short little other story by the end of the summer we were one kitchen
and one of the gas cooks was cooking braised carrots to know it braise character braised keris our little care if that are cut in julienne cut by hand
eight gallons
if chilean and cat
julian care it's like they're like your little pinky out of a carrot okay
hey we we didn't we still did it does our by hand it's actually a wonderful practice
eight gallons okay the gas cook is making braised carrots which is they have a really big pot they put all the break the kid the julienne carrots in there and they put in sherry and so and then they reduce it so the carrots get to have this wonderful
glazed taste for him her gregory one of us weekly effects so the kitchens happening and we have all of this stuff to get out and you know bravo and the guess cook is busying around with all the things that she asked to do
and suddenly whole kitchen stops dead

the gas cook slowly walks over to the by
we all knew
she picks up the lid
she puts down the lid the kitchen is dead quiet
she walks over to the end where a counter is where the where the knives or
and she goes like this yes

dinner is in like two hours or an hour in
beyond braised
as soon as she was able to make that was barbara and as soon as she was able to make to laugh
the kitchen didn't not one thought of blame
because it was one kitchen we all had to get that dinner out
everybody stopped dropped everything that they were doing everybody came out to the main counter there must have been ten people cutting carrots
eight gallons and i don't i don't remember fair and julian and we probably did rounds or something can be easier eight gallons of carriage ready and braised for that dinner that day
here is beautiful
we were in love we were in love with
us and the carrots and the offering that we
had signed up to make day after day after day
as one body as one mind
this is our life with all things with all beings
we are that close with everything
we need only to love the world
best we can
starting with ourselves moving outward
this is our effort this is what we signed up to do
it's a good effort it takes courage
because we have to let go of
the small
contract in me
so frightened lacquer so frank
okay i give it our best shot dead
i can