April 12th, 2000, Serial No. 04027

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talk tonight
a few would i don't know if you wanna really record this has you know i wasn't supposed to give the turkey native schedule to talk couple of weeks from now but i'm
it fell to me
but i did want to talk about this one particular topic and there aren't really so many of us here and i think the next time i talk i might talk about the same thing again because i feel it's so important
so i want this to be a kind of a and share kind of talk
okay generate hey there and short

you know
practicing is difficult did you notice it
it's not easy it's wonderful and it's difficult and how all of us are really doing our best we are really trying our best this is true everybody
so what i want to talk tonight about with you not at you with you for just a short period of time and and we'll talk about it again his right speech and the reason i want to talk about it is because i forgot for a number of reasons
every so often it's and center some incident will happen that will affect a particular person or number of people
you're smiling and you're familiar with this
it will affect a number of people and what happens is the sangha kind of spins around it and the song of spins around it for lots and lots of reasons some of which is because it's very entertaining because i'm looking at ourselves all the time gets weary
sometimes boring and sometimes just painful and will take anything that comes along for distraction and i'm really sorry to say but often
other people are the recipients of our knesset next you know
need for distraction
and it's too bad because you know i've already basically said enough because i trust you a lot and i trust you practice so i figure i'll i have to do is really say it is and you will pay attention more to your spiritual you pick it up and try to work with it in some ways i don't really feel i need to belabor the point
so much but i'll just talk a little bit more
i lost my train of her
maybe it'll come back later
so anyway speech his words are very powerful and the reason why words are powerful as because we grab onto them we believe words we believed that they actually mean something and we invest a lot in them
so for this in a number of other reasons the buddha was very very careful nonetheless forget not the buddha said orissa our friend k working with the same stuff that we work with only
he was good attitude is really good at
anyway he was there and as people came to him and he noticed has a sanga came together what he noticed was that he had to ah
to mention right speech and he felt that it was so important that of the ten precepts three of them are directly pointing to speech
and of the eight of the eightfold path one is right speech

so what happens when we have this kind of distraction i'll try to get back to the other
what happens when we have that when we allow ourselves this kind of distraction is it hurts ourself in many many ways first of all because we're distracted in the first place
it hurts herself because of the way we use speech is often directed at ourselves with the conversation that we have in our mind which we do wrong speech to ourselves all the time right in there it's happening
it hurts the so-called the other person who was the recipient of this page please don't forget
and it hurts well that's clear and i'll tell you how in a minute
and fundamentally it hurts us the sanga it leads to an undermining of the trust in the saga because we begin to disrespect people in the song of both the people who are speaking that way because we know when it has
happened and the person who's the wrong speech person is talking about
you can fix my english and different event
right doesn't it make sense and the way we ourselves are hurt as well as the other and i'll get back to the sanga being
is that what we do with these words
put people in a box we make a concept of who they are like somebody hurt me and so you tell yourself first that they are such and such kind of person
and then you reaffirm that thought to yourself and then to anyone who will listen and we've all done this we basically vomit this bio we dump this stuff onto anyone who will listen and it's not just the responsibility
dumping it's also the responsibility of those of us who are listening
because if we don't want this kind of disrespect in the sanga disrespect in the sense that we really are doing our best even when somebody makes a mistake they don't really usually want to do it on purpose and if they are there in real pain
you know
so when we have that word
that concept and we redefine it and we believe that content we have put that person as well as ourselves into this box
and it's damaging to them because they get a kind of a as dory line about them and then other people kind of believe it by hearsay or whatever and then that person isn't allowed the space to change which is the gift that we give
each other by joining the sanga
the point is to give each other to hold each other in some way gently so that and somewhat safely best we can you know we all make mistakes but gently so that that person while looking at themselves and knowing themselves to be may be hurtful in some way
way gets a chance to change so than other people when they see that change can then relate to them in a different way but if you're relating to that person always buy this box they're stuck in on a pen and a lot of times you see a person trying to you know respond differently and then everybody keeps responding to them and
they're all old away because they're responding to them through this concept and not really seeing how they are because they already know who they are because somebody told them
think that wasn't run nonsense
he understand what i mean we've both been on both sides of this we've all been i said both because i think of like to bask
we've all spoken ill and up in a harmful way and and unwholesome way in a way that we regret you know and we have all been recipients of that laziness

maybe you know i've actually said enough tonight
thank you understand and i don't want to belabor the point
i will
from moment if anybody
i can think of or would like to share with us
you know an example of this kind of thing and you don't have to use names to my fact most of the time when we talk and make an example or share and example is better not to use anybody's name
it's safe that way it's much safer that way
but if you can think of something that you've done recently or that you've heard recently
of a questioner
come on top of it i can talk
sigh to
much yes a resolute report your site
i'm good
burchett three year
growing up
who knows
true point where
procure that took effect the was to the sky i really couldn't stay
a reasons are good
good teachers servers
the institution is not what i trust either street
rejoice view provides me with our donations call to mind the
and go to a point where all those statements remind you read the decision longer out who what i think i realized daughter was the sheer power to assert blue whale
the this was the decision that i take
in a space or freedom and all point of freedom for myself or regime which was pretty much which first this the same way
displaced for people to change the guy got any in a box then that's where we're not getting them in space to show me where can we do to and the costs of purposes only i here
that are no shape now is action rice who who have extreme
hit hero stopping are errors that and was it was a meeting the primary very up you know what we do
an opportunity to the that carrier if i work to it was like
grow your own something else decided that correct sentence
given recent give with career dressed so much as a joke
christmas nigel brings up an interesting point another way that we do this is way when we
he may i use you
what you just said an examine your scope
can you use the word when projection did he say projection he said blank did you say blame of about the word you use but when you put it out on other people when it was really his own he said that so we can talk about little bit so that's projection that's a classic example of projection and that's what we do so very much and why
when we are unaware when we don't take responsibility for our own feelings not just our own feelings as a funny way of saying it
because there isn't an us taking responsibility for our feelings you know they're just feelings arise and when we're not conscious that they're there
big usually because they're too painful for us there's something in there that we don't want to look at
out they go to an institution is prime target people in authority are prime targets anybody who looks different is a prime target anybody different as a prime target
we put it all out there and it really is hurtful
to really hurtful now when somebody finally understands that is a big understanding like nigel just to it's a big big understanding because you can take you can not take you can never take it back once it's out there it said and it's ripple effect keeps going so
when we say something like
whatever you know and it creates karma we spend
the next year could be the next few hours days weeks years cleaning up that karma
i'm laughing they can
it's both funny and and then
i'm such a waste of time you and says an i'll have the same time
so maybe that's enough
they emerged earlier
calgary says three
what are they yours
it was i ask
it has not always written but they're certainly that is a very that is one of the ways of doing wrong speech traditionally but it's called something else it can actually worse does anybody can anybody say
did the cutting more cutting but idol speech is also right in there because it's so destructive because if you hear somebody just while i don't want to go into it and want to talk too long i just but yeah what's the other what's another one
pray self now that's an interesting one because it used to be pray self at the expense of others which i think is good to have in there but we took it out which is say now i think prey so is it still in there
is still at the expense of
what's the one
can't think of this been lying
so like i said it's five after and i think that's enough i'm i've really shared with your kind of what my concern is and probably the next time i talk on talk about the same thing as well and what i would like if you know on top
whatever you're practicing so
but anyways maybe between now and the next time i talk if you can in some way just notice
just notice how you speak how you make jokes is a big one
just notice it and then maybe next time when i talk we can talk about maybe some specific things and
and kind of get it out there in the in our group you know in our sanga that we actually are committed to paying attention to how we speak to each other and about each other and develop a song or they can trust each other and respect
our efforts and be careful about ten
just be careful with each other we're all worth it