This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. It's so nice to see you. Thank you for coming everyone and for sitting so patiently waiting for me to come to greet you, listening to the bells and just sitting here with everyone. So thank you for coming. Such a nice group. So the first part of our talk this morning will be for the young people, okay? And the older people can listen if you'd like or just fall asleep or whatever you'd like to do. Yes, and the young people can fall asleep too, yeah. I have a couple of questions for you.

[01:02]

How many of you celebrated Halloween? Yes? Did you go trick and treating? Yeah? And did you wear costumes? How many of you wore a funny costume that was funny? Some of you did. How many wore a scary costume? A scary one, like a ghost or a witch or a skeleton. I'm a witch. You're a witch? You picked up a penny and thought you were rich. So there's scary costumes and there's funny costumes. And I just wanted to say something about scariness, being scared sometimes. So sometimes it's kind of fun to be scared. like on Halloween and going out in the dark, and maybe there's a haunted house that you go in with your family or your friends.

[02:05]

And sometimes being scared is not so fun, right? To be afraid sometimes is not very fun. So I wanted to say something about being scared and afraid. Because sometimes we hear some things. We hear a scary thing happened, maybe, or somebody was very sad and very angry and very confused and might, out of being confused and unhappy and angry, maybe did something that hurt other people. Have you ever heard of such a thing happening? Sometimes that happens. And sometimes our parents are sad and our parents are upset when things happen that are scary. And everybody's talking about it and everyone's upset. Or maybe if you can read, maybe you've read something that's scary.

[03:11]

So what do we do when we have these scary feelings? What do you sometimes do? What do you do? Never had scary feelings. Okay. Well, I'm happy for you. Yeah. So I just want to say that any feelings that you have are okay. If you have scary feelings, yes? Did you want to say something? Okay. So if you have scary feelings or angry feelings or sad feelings, that's okay. Okay. But how do we act with our feelings? That's what's really important. So sometimes when there's something scary that happens, I have a friend who told me that when something scary happens, they talk with their parents about it. They go to their mommy and daddy or their grandparents, and they ask about what happened.

[04:19]

And this person said, when I am scared, and talk with my mom. You know what she says? She says, look for the people who are helping. Look, there's always somebody who's trying to help. Whenever something scary happens, there's always somebody who's trying to help. So look around for the helpers. Who is helping? Now, sometimes we hear like a siren, like a fire engine or a police car with a siren. And one thing we can do is think, oh, they're coming to help. Somebody is going very, very fast to help people. That's why their siren is on. That's why they're coming so quickly, because they're trying to help people. They're trying to act in a way that will help people. So always look for the helpers. There's always somebody who's trying to help.

[05:22]

I wanted to say something about when you have feelings, the important thing is to know about your feelings and maybe talk about them. And it's fine to have any feelings you have. The best thing to do is to not act out your feelings that hurt other people. So what you can do instead is you might want to draw a picture, you might want to paint, you might want to do a dance, you might want to write or sing a poem or a song. There's all sorts of things you can do when you have feelings. And it's really fun, actually. Whatever feelings you have, you can do something fun with them. So I wanted to show you something that I did once when I had feelings that I wanted to express, I wanted to somehow express.

[06:29]

And this is, I've never shown these pictures to anybody before. Do you want to see them? Okay. So these were pictures I made many, many years ago when I was having very strong feelings, okay? And I don't know what I was feeling, but here's the picture. What do you think I was feeling? It's hard to say. And then, how about this one? Ooh. What was I feeling? I don't know, but it was fun to make this picture. And then, this is a mysterious one. What is that? An eye? What? That maybe was a scared picture, yeah. How about this one?

[07:30]

That's kind of fun. What? Fire, yeah, fireworks almost. And then there's this one. A mountain. What's at the top of the mountain? Yeah. So... As I was saying, any kind of feelings, even if you don't know what exactly you're feeling, you can express it. Art is a really wonderful way to express it. All sorts of art is really helpful, okay? So, we're just about finished, and I wanted to say that you all, you know, when I said to look For the people who are helping, look for the helpers. You know what? You can be one of those people that helps. You really can. You can be a big help to your mommy and daddy, to your family, to your... If you have sisters and brothers or your friends at school, you can be the one when they're feeling sad comes to help them.

[08:44]

You can be a first responder. You can... Come to see what you can do by being with them. And this is a kind of kindness that you can show, okay? And that kindness, actually, you often feel very good about that, about helping. So we're about to leave to go out to the garden and... You know, after Halloween, one of the big ceremonies that comes next or the big festivals is what? Do you know what's coming up? Yes? Say again? Winter Solstice. Before Winter Solstice, there's another one. There's often lots of food. Yes, Thanksgiving. And Veterans Day is coming up too, is it? The whole year has so many wonderful holidays for us.

[09:45]

Thanksgiving is coming up, and that's a time to be thankful and to have gratitude. Do you know the word gratitude? Gratitude means feeling really thankful. So that's what we're going to talk about today, right? Gratitude and thankfulness. Okay. What? Kwanzaa. Yes, Kwanzaa is coming up too, all these holidays. All right, well, thank you for coming. Off you go into the garden. You're welcome. Thank you for coming. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your art. You're welcome. Thank you.

[10:48]

Thank you. Bye-bye. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye. Thank you for coming. Just a bow. Just a bow, please. Thank you for coming.

[11:49]

So there are seats, cushions, if you'd like to sit on a cushion up in front here. I wanted to say something about what I was telling the young people. Can you hear me okay? Yes? Some of you may know or have watched on TV Mr. Rogers. Do you know Mr. Rogers? Some of you do. Yes, I see dots. So Mr. Rogers was, I haven't seen the documentary on Mr. Rogers, but he had a TV program and worked for inclusivity and acceptance with children in a marvelous way. And what I just, this

[12:54]

lesson about feelings and look for the people who are helping when you're scared is from Mr. Rogers, his teaching, actually. And it turns out Mr. Rogers' neighborhood, which was the name of the show, Mr. Rogers comes from the neighborhood of Squirrel Hill in Pittsburgh, which was the place where the mass shooting at the synagogue was Squirrel Hill, that Neighborhood in Pittsburgh is where mr. Rogers was from and I found it I think ironic is too light a term actually, but Something very Strong about his effort to include accept honor everyone's differences and make everyone welcome and what what is happening in our country and in our neighborhoods and all over the world.

[13:59]

So it was his mother, he said, who always said, look for the helpers. Look to see where the helpers are. And also he talked a lot about feelings. So I wanted to bring these very basic teachings and I think understandable to the kids this morning. So I realize I have about three Dharma talks here, the kids one and then two for you and another one in my mind. So I will do my best to just choose what I feel is the most accurate way to touch into what I'm feeling today. I want to bring to you. I did want to say just a few words about this coming Tuesday, which is November 6th, and it is Election Day.

[15:03]

Is it called Election Day? It's a chance to vote. And I encourage everyone to vote. And, you know, as practitioners, as the fact that you're all here, to me, shows you have... a mind that is seeking the way, seeking a way to live in this world with upright and aware mind and body. And so to look to see, when you vote, who is in alignment with how you feel about caring for this beloved earth, caring for one another, all the issues that are up, you can touch into your own. sensibilities, your own intentions, your own vows, really, and come to vote from that place, not for or against a person necessarily, but what is closest to your heart.

[16:18]

mind of a practitioner, I feel, is the mind that wants to be of benefit to all beings. This is the bodhisattva vow, and is not really so interested in dividing up or factions, but to come from this wider place that benefits beings in the best way possible. I'll be leaving this afternoon to go to what's called an election sesheen, which is a kind of retreat with a group of people who are sitting together, having meals and dharma talks, and then going off and getting out the vote, then coming back and debriefing peacefully, eating together and practicing together. So I'll be participating in that. We do have power.

[17:27]

We do have the power of our own intentions and convictions and sensibilities and the power to vote. And I wanted to read something to you that was very encouraging to me by Dr. Martin Luther King about power and about our own power. Power properly understood is nothing but the ability to achieve purpose. And one of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as opposites, as polar opposites. So that love is identified with a resignation of power. and power with a denial of love. We've got to get this thing right, says Dr. King.

[18:30]

What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive. And love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love, implementing the demands of justice. And justice at its best is power, correcting everything that stands against love. It is precisely this collision of immoral power with powerless morality which constitutes the major crisis of our times. And this was 1967. So, flowing from that to the next part of our talk, which is bringing up a koan, bringing up a Zen story

[19:46]

that has been inspirational for me or has been more than inspirational, a kind of story the way these stories or any story or myth works within us almost without our knowing it in the mystery of our unconscious, you know, not so aware of it, but working, working. this can happen to us. And this story, I've been maybe working on it in that way for many years. And some of you know it. It's a koan called Sen Jo and her soul are separated. And it came up Senjo's the name of the character, a young girl. Senjo's the young girl in the story. And it's sometimes thought of as a kind of ghost story, so I thought it was apropos for this time of year and Halloween and All Saints Day and Dios de los Muertos coming up and just... But aside from that, it's a story that speaks to me and I hope will...

[21:02]

will land for you as well. So this story was a folk tale, actually, a Chinese folk tale that entered into the Zen koan literature probably in the ninth century. It was adapted or brought in by a Zen master who used this story to illustrate and shine a light on the the teaching or part of the teaching. So I'll first tell the story and then some commentary on it. And as with all koans, these are very old. You know, this is what is ninth century, over a thousand years old. And the fact that it's been passed down, handed down, told and retold, you know, gives confidence that there's something there for us human beings to understand. to relate to, to turn, to ponder, and something that may hit home for you.

[22:12]

So we'll start with telling the story. This takes place in a Chinese village. So once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a family, and the family, I'm going to use the Japanese names because I'm I've read it translated and used in a Japanese name. There was a family with a father. The mother had died, and the elder sister had died when she was young. So there was just Senjo, a young girl who was quite beloved by her father, as you might imagine, very, very precious, and he wanted the best for her. And another part of the family was a a distant cousin who had become an orphan. And the father, whose name was Chokan, took in this young boy who was a family, you know, distant cousin, to raise him.

[23:17]

And his name was Ochu. So Senjou and Ochu grew up together in the same family. in the same household and got to be very good friends, played together, and got along so well, were just, like, so harmonious, and they loved each other very much. And they got along so well that one time Chokan, the father, said, oh, you two, you'll probably be betrothed one day. You get along so well. So as Sencho became older and closer to the age to marry, this is heteronormative society here, her father had an arranged marriage and told her that she was going to be married to another person in the village. And she and Ochu had really believed what the father had said about they would be betrothed and that they would marry someday.

[24:19]

They were so upset they couldn't believe it, actually, and Ochu in particular, he just couldn't bear it. So he heard about this marriage that was going to happen, he couldn't bear it, so at midnight he left this family home where they had raised him, and he got into a boat on the river nearby and just began sailing away from the village. And while he's sailing along and rowing, he kind of saw a figure on the riverbank, a vague figure kind of running along and calling to him. And it turns out it was Senjo. And she had run away from home. And he brought his boat to the riverbank. And they came together and embraced. And she said, I can't bear to be without you. We can't be separated. And they went in their boat downriver, passed many villages and settled in a village further away.

[25:22]

And so they lived, and they got married there in that village, and Senjo in five years had passed, and she had had two lovely children, and they had made a life for themselves there. One day, however, Senjo came to Otu and said, husband, I have something in my heart that's weighing on me, and I just have to tell you, I'm not settled really here. I feel remorse. I feel regretful. I feel that I haven't expressed my love for my parents by disappearing the way we did. I know we had to, but I just, I want to go back and ask forgiveness and bring our children to see our parents. And he said, Senjo, I'm feeling the same way. I owe so much to your father for raising me, and I have enormous amount of gratitude and wish to express this.

[26:36]

So they both decided, let's go back. Let's make the trip back, ask for forgiveness, and come back to our home village. So they packed up everything, and the children, and they got in this boat, and they sailed back up, rode, got back up to their old home village. Well, when they got there, Ochu said, why don't we do this? Why don't you and the children wait in the boat here in the port area, and I'll go to your father, let him know what happened, throw myself at his mercy for having left in this way and for you having left, and ask for forgiveness, and then I'll come and bring you. I'll go first. So she said, that sounds like a good idea. So Ochu went back to where the family house was, and he knocked on the door.

[27:38]

And Chokhan came to the door and was happy to see him. And Ochu described what had happened, expressed his sorrow, his gratitude for everything that he had done. And the father was very, very puzzled. What are you talking about? What girl are you talking about that you went with and this family with? My daughter, Sancho, has been here since you left five years ago. In fact, the day you left, she took to her bed, was unable to get up, and was sick and unable to talk. And she's been in her bed for these five years. And Ochu said, well, this can't be true. I have been with Senjo. Senjo, we've been married. We have children. She's right here down at the dock.

[28:40]

So he went back to the dock, and the father sent a servant down to the port to see what he could find out. And lo and behold, there was Senjo there with the children. So the servant came back and told Chokhan, Yes. So the father went into the bedroom where Senjo had been lying there for five years and he began to tell her that there's this other Senjo that went with Ochu and has these children and she began to have some energy and began to smile and got up from her bed and at that moment the Senjo that was coming from the boat arrived and was coming towards the house and the senjo that had been sick walked out of the house with a smile on her face and the two of them walked closer and closer closer to each other smiling and became one senjo and melted into one senjo

[30:00]

And that senjo said, I had a dream and I saw Ochu running away and I dreamed that I went with him. But now I don't know which one was the real senjo, the one that stayed home sick in bed or the one that went with Ochu. I don't know which one was the real senjo, the true senjo. And the Zen master who brought this into the koan literature said, Senjo and her soul were separated. Which one is the true Senjo? That's the koan. And that turning question at the end, Senjo and her soul, and what do we mean exactly by soul? Her true heartedness the aliveness of her life maybe, the reality of her life was separated, which was the real one.

[31:10]

So, just some commentary on this. And I'm not sure how that, sitting with you. I think for me, I've had various responses over the years, resonating very strongly with this image of a divided self, you know, one maybe part of me or that was strongly, strongly formed by the environment I grew up in, strongly conditioned by the expectations of family and culture and gender and religion and strongly, you know, pressure almost to go in a certain way and feeling that unless that happened, perhaps there would be

[32:29]

loss, great loss, great disappointment, a kind of abandonment, maybe, or, you know, depending on the conditions we grew up in, you know, if we toed the line, then we got love. If we didn't toe the line, there was big problems or rejection. So all sorts of, you know, this is one way of psychologically maybe resonating with this story of plus her sister had died, you know, Senjo's sister had died, so the expectations of you being the one to carry out and to hold all the family, all the family wishes and all the family hopes and dreams, you know, the burden of that, it's up to you. But that may not be the way your path would lead you, so these expectations these kinds of pressures and feeling maybe divided from one's true self or true calling or true path, and yet out of obligation, out of should, out of not wanting to hurt, out of caring for other people, our obligation for caring for those who need us or expect

[33:59]

something. And anyway, it's a big tangle that we may find ourselves in. And this is part of the story, maybe one level, one layer of the story that might be resonating. And the more that we feel unable to follow our true path or to break from the expectations and that bear down on us from all sides, you know, the further we may feel from some aliveness, some true self that's animated with energy and joy and awareness, we may become deadened or just like in the Sancho story, she was bedridden, you know, she was

[35:00]

and unable to speak, express, communicate. You know, losing that power, that own personal power of agency in any way. So we may be acting or acting out our life, but feeling like it's someone else's life, even, or some cardboard rendition that we can't get out of it and we can't not do it, we can't stop it. So that's, as I said, one layer. And that, you know, the more we live our life in that way, the more we may feel even forgetting about that part of us that is wholeheartedly filled with, able to feel our life and express it. So we forget about it.

[36:01]

It gets further and further. Then there's another part that might be acting fully and all and feeling we have agency and choosing what we want to do. And yet there's maybe some lingering. This is the Senjo who went, followed her dream, went with Ochu, lived out her life. And yet, and yet, The bonds of attachment are hard to break, you know, the bonds of kinship and kindness and caring. And you can't just cut those off because it's too deep. How do you express gratitude? And how do we pay back everything that has been given to us, all the kindnesses? and express our gratitude, not just by doing exactly what we want, but including all the people to whom we rightfully owe our well-being, you know, linked and connected by their giving to us.

[37:20]

We are who we are. So even when we go off and live out our life, when we feel it's full, are we forgetting something? Are we skipping over? Are we avoiding the we call it a debt of gratitude, you know, that we may owe to many, many, many people or our culture, the collective, as well as our family and friends. So this which one is the true self? Senjo and her soul were separated. Which one is the true self? And this coming together, you know, coming together into this one being that combines the fullness of our life, both our limited self, limited by our... The way we're limited is by our conditioning,

[38:29]

by the conditioning of everyone who we've grown up with, for sure, and everyone we've come in contact with, that conditions how we are and also the teachings we've heard and the experiences we have. We live a conditioned life. And at the same time, the teaching is there's an unconditioned life. the life of the true self, which is not separated. They're not like one's over here and one's over here. I've got to get rid of the limited and the conditioned and the deluded and that part that needs to continue to develop and transform and work. That's not separated from this. true self.

[39:33]

This is just one, there's one true self of both limited and unlimited together. It's a very, what I just said is one of the most difficult teachings to actually hold in the mind. Our mind goes to this or that or binary thinking. It's either limited or it's unlimited. It can't be both. That doesn't, that That doesn't know. So this is a mystery. This is one of these mysteries that we have to find out for ourself. And in this koan, there's commentary. And the teacher who brought this, who asked that question, Senjo and her soul are separated. Which one is the true? Which one is the real? Senjo, he was, you know, he practiced for a long time.

[40:38]

And one of the turning kind of koans for him was a teacher said, subjectivity and objectivity are just one thing, cannot be separated. And someone said, well, how would you even know? And the person said, it's like... Personally realizing whether the water you drink is cold or warm. Personally realizing. You personally drink that water and can say that's warm or that's cold. And this teacher who brought this koan into the literature said, I understand warm and cold, but what is personally realizing? Personally realizing is not one, not two, personally realizing this true self, which is not about getting rid of anything or anybody or any part of ourself even.

[41:46]

So there's a couple of poems in this koan. One is, the moon on the water, now scattered, now unified, So if you picture seeing the moon over the ocean, it's wonderful to see the moon over the ocean here, your beach. And if the water is pretty quiet, it's the moon is reflected in the water. And if the waves are going, you see, what do you see? Myriad scattered lights riding the waves. big waves, small waves, white caps, you know, ripples, whirlpools, and the moonshine is illuminating. It doesn't matter what shape the wave is, how big, how small, it's water.

[42:52]

It's just water, and it reflects moonlight. The moon on the waves now scattered. now unified. This is a commentary on this koan. So coming back to the koan, this Senjo of various kinds. The Senjo, the sick, unable to move Senjo, unable to speak. The Senjo enjoying her life, being a mother, making a livelihood and also feeling what she feels. The moon shines on all those senjos, all those different senjos, and each one of us, you know, we're not a kind of block event that stays the same.

[43:53]

Forget about year after year. How about moment after moment, you know? There is no, there is no unchanging self that's there that you can get a hold of. That's the true self. The true self is ever, ever unfolding. From the time you stepped into this room until the time you leave, you may have gone through many different things, as we know, all sorts of stuff. It's never ending. This never... never just staying put. And we can realize this personally, realize this when we are silent and quiet and stabilized ourself, we can see how much we're changing in each moment, transforming.

[44:56]

And each transformation is worthy of respect and care and honoring and blessed. This is another poem from this koan. Ever the same, the moon among the clouds, different from each other, the mountains and the valleys. How wonderful, how blessed. Is this one or is this two? This is another image for us to help us with this koan, to turn the koan. It's similar to the other. It has the moon again. And instead of the moon on the waves and scattering and unified, we have this moon in the sky shining on the valley.

[45:57]

And if there's a valley, then there's hills. Hills and valleys come together. I grew up in Minnesota and I remember reading about somebody who lived in a place called Deep Valley, and I remember saying to my mother, how do you know if it's a valley or not? Because in Minnesota, I didn't know what they were talking about, actually. When they talked about that, what is a valley? So if there's valleys, there's also mountains. There's mountains and valleys, and the moon, ever the same the moon, shining among the clouds. different from each other, mountains and valleys. How wonderful, how marvelous. All is blessed. Is this one or is this two? And that image is the whole image there. It's Moon, Moon Valley Mountain. Moon Valley Mountain.

[46:59]

Is it one or is it two? We're not pulling out the moon and asking, is that one or two? or the valleys and mountains, but Moon Valley Mountain, is it one or is it two? This is our Buddha nature, which is both limited and unlimited as one reality, one thusness, thusness, or as-it-isness, which it's up to us to personally realize. I personally realize. So I'm gonna look at the time. Yeah.

[48:02]

I wanted to leave you with One other poem, and this is not from a koan, or this is a current-day poem from Naomi Shihab Nye, which some of you may know this poet. And this one is called Fresh, and it kind of reminds me of this personally realizing, and rather than being caught in a kind of stale way of separating out our life into, you know, strong things about this is the way it is, to open to a fresh, a fresh way of responding, of listening. First responders, you know, being ready. So this is called fresh response. to move cleanly, needing to be nowhere else, wanting nothing from any store, to lift something you already had and set it down in a new place, awakened eye seeing freshly,

[49:30]

What does that do to the old blood moving through its channels? I'm going to read this one more time. To me, this is a poem about zazen. I mean, for me. I don't know what Naomi Shi had not would say. To move cleanly, needing to be nowhere else. wanting nothing from any store. To lift something you already had and place it down, set it down in a new place. Awakened eye seeing freshly. What does this do to the old blood moving through its channels? Thank you very much.

[50:54]

May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[51:18]

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