AIDS Bike-A-Thon, A Rolling Sesshin

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Wednesday Lecture

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our intention
as i am
turn and face this laughter night it occurred to me that i can actually do nothing by myself
and that even now
i'm being supported by everything
somebody has gotten my vassal
give me water
and has come tonight
to listen to me talk about something
and i
and i appreciate it
they can't very much
i wasn't supposed to talk tonight
but as circumstances turned out i am
so i thought that a thing that is uppermost anyway in my mind right now
it is the ride that i just did so for those of you who don't know
i just participated in the sixth
california aids ride that goes from san francisco to los angeles by bicycle in a week
did i really
yes i did
so i thought i would do is and taught you a little bit about it and then actually what i'd like to do is leave it for you to ask me some questions about it because maybe some of you have some interest
in it and then we a kind of go forward that way and then stop
and also
hi brad
just in case

and am
how would my to thank you
before see now i'm going to have inherited about how many meters talk because for some reason or rather i really don't understand it and i don't know why but when i begin to talk about it and when i taught them at it somewhat and i and it never happens at the same time never
happens about when i talk about the same thing it's always a different thing i start to cry
and i don't know i have no idea why
but i'm
no because it was an intensive and maybe it was because i completely threw myself into it maybe because it was something about effort which i am always appreciative of from kind of purity of effort
i don't know but anyway and maybe it's because i felt really supported by everybody which is a wonderful thing to feel and often amused distant to it i don't know why it's never the same time but i do try so if i tear up of my boys don't shaking just say okay
i'm actually happy
well i don't get it
so i'm
so that's one of the things i wanted to tell you mine of the things i want italian was please if it occurs to you at some time just with it complete abandoned just throw yourself into something completely
burn yourself up
and enjoy not being self concerned and for me i think a lot of the ride was exactly about that about what dog and means by nine dual activity or complete activity or selfless activity like assume he must have been
last night good example
but the point is not just to experience a day or half an hour or a moment and selfless activity but to understand that that is the possibility of our lives
and when that happens you can see the difference between carrying the burden of herself and being released
and when you have that kind of experience in that kind of reminder
we must then really carefully study this self that were so convinced we need to be happy or to exist well
and really let it go it's not necessary and it is our source of suffering
so the point is to have some of these experiences but the main thing is to move that experience into our daily life this is so to zen buddhism
so that when the self comes up and daily life at that moment let it go and go back to whatever the activity is that you're doing riding a bicycle from san francisco de los angeles is a really good way to learn how to do that for me it was just like session
the reason why it's really good way is is because your life depends on it and i'm not kidding
right if she if you don't pay attention to the road that's exactly in front of you if you don't pay attention to worry being there on the bike miss the gravel we missed the go i never had a flat
ever cause i missed the glass i saw glass i didn't go there
and when you can probably do something like that
it is as if nothing happened
this is familiar when we sit says shane and you're completely sincere shane the end of session you go why happened to the week i know i sense a shame but nothing happened
completely gone
thoroughly burned up
complete activity
so that was a one thing at the end of the ride they send you a survey in the method during the right i talked to some people about it
and it was what i recommended that the people who are on the ride begin to have maybe if some people wanted to can we can offer some kind of vocabulary to them to understand the experience that they've actually had of course i talked about it in buddhist terms which
i wasn't preaching but it just seems so clear to me you know
so now i will
pass out my pictures
the first picture is about a quarter of the bikes that were involved shy passes at to months him
you can just pass me and i don't care if you buzz and when i'll just talk right away
and the next picture is me starting out next picture is what it's like on the road you know my camera is a very not a very good camera so you can see i can tell you that they are a lot of people ahead of me
have you can only really see the back of one
and then there's a picture of about a an eighth of the tents that we are there are two thousand and eight hundred riders on this ride and about seven hundred crew

this is he can't see this patriot is not enough light but as in the military
okay this is a picture of and when you pick up your staff at the tent new you should explain this parched when you pick it when you pick up here your luggage on they have been caged vans when you went to get your luggage at night and and give it back to them in the morning
people who are the crews of that particular truck dressed up sometimes they did didn't made made kenneth fun that when
this is another picture on the road than we had pitstops i'm just telling you things you probably can't put it together but we can put together the end
pitstop is where people but mostly went to the bathroom
and had food you can have oranges and bananas clif bars
so here are the pictures are the toilets
these are really important
and then this is a picture of a a sign that says caution bikes on the road which they had all the way up and down the road it was really incredible the way they organized everything you felt totally safe and then there were these people on motorcycles that leapt ahead and always told you to ago
go and when i was doing it as i was on the right and doing it every time i became really fond of these people because
they were there every time there was something dangerous so i kind of i ended up i ended up loving these people because i would be riding along and if they were like gravel or something or big huge pothole on the road there be somebody standing there pointing to it
that are sometimes you'll be on the freeway and it would be hard to get you try to get across and where the freeway cars are going on the off ramp on the exit and they'd be standing there telling you to stop were telling you that it's clear go ahead because you know when you're on a bicycle you want to but your gathering all this momentum and the worst thing the world is to stop
you know everyone is that failed you have all this momentum going and they would tell you it safe just keep their be signaling and you can just keep right on going is great this the guys and the watershed
then they had
they had
emergency emergency man went up and down all the time on the road and depiction of emergency man than they had bike tech people which i used one to as feeling really bad and i
i brought my bike to the biotech people because i thought i just needed air in the tires but it turned out that my break was
pinched on my on the back tire says he's we he he fixed it and then he turned to me said and i bet you were feeling like you are pedaling through mud which i was then all along the world they were not all along the road actually but lot of the time there were kids children out there applauding and
in some at one point they were a whole school was selling things and they had a big sign that all the donations were for aids would go to aids money raised eleven point one million dollars so they lot of money
then there were some people who had signed hiv
thanking you as she went down
then the next one is a sign that says halfway to l a and everybody stopped and took a picture
and then this is i'm coming down the hill from net that's it was a seven mile downhill that was a very nice time and then this is a picture of me at the los angeles county line
when i'm really happy there
i really ever
and then after that the last pitched up there is a big party with dancing and stuff is the two pictures
and then there's a congratulations
and that the ceremony at the end big selling and the last few pictures or my family my dad came to meet me
my dog came to meet me and my brother and my sister and my dad was eighty six years old he has emphysema
and it is really hard for him to like go from the living room to the dining room
and he came out
it was great it's my family
and this is the root
this little thing as richer this is the first day second day third day for santa has the hills on it which i ended up really liking the hills
because i just i just went really slowly
and i just paddled up the hill
so those pictures you can look at if you want and here's what i wrote about it
two weeks ago i rode with two thousand eight hundred other people for los angeles by bicycle
you get up every morning at four foot net we're going to this of the this will sound very familiar to you
and you can tell me what you think it is at the end can you get up every money for forty five and go through a morning ritual you get dressed boot pack up and ready to ride by six thirty all day long you alone on your bike being totally present
so that you don't get hurt miss a turn mistakenly ride over glass get a flat fall riding through gravel on a turn or by inattention endanger other people every so often you have to stop to go to the bathroom and eat them back on the bike until you stop 's
stretch eight shower set up your tent set up your stuff for the next day and fall completely deeply asleep he did this for seven days
sometimes your body hurts sometimes you feel elated but mostly you are so present that nothing happens at all
there is no trace just conclude activity

mk i don't know why i'm crying here blaming mile after mile moment after moment pedal stroke after pedal stroke

you have to monitor the nerves in your hands were were kneeling on the handlebars
reminder was shown that was telling yourself to relax you notice any beginning of any ache or pain and it just slightly or sit through depending on the type of pain and where it is and all along
think i can do it

and all along you're pedaling home
there's no los angeles know san francisco
can hit
just the road immediately ahead
i recommend this about a week
the wind
the wind on your body the burbs sound the coyote scurrying across the road down the hill the dolphins at the first few of the pacific after sailing down seven mile of a long hill
after the is it the gaviota path that path some pass big long boot hill and stay here
along the road there are people sitting and waving us on some of them children some women people with signs that made hiv positive
so just watching the miles of riders going by for it must have been hours there were hills so high you couldn't see the top and road so desolate and long i had to chant comes a on and let the rhythm meld with each stroke of the pedal to carry me
a along and then the joy of seeing the pacific ocean
an aside for the los angeles
county line why am i crying it

thank you
for some people it was a social event for some an athletic challenge for me it was a moving session
anyway that kind of activity ah is activity which leaves no trace
and i think
somewhere in each of us we totally understand what that's about
because every time you feel every time we feel something like that
it's the kind of life that we want to lead because at that time the heart is open
because the thing a heart actually is open all the time and the way we miss it is we put yourself in front of it
so in itself drops away gratitude comes up
and he can't miss it

suzuki roshi said
when you do something he should burn yourself completely like a good bonfire leaving no trace of yourself
usually what we do is you know right people especially when if you have a relationship with anybody what happens is before they even do anything in the relationship your mind comes up with some thought some concept some idea of what it is that that who that person
is and what your relationship should be about that's a trace
it means that you haven't actually presented yourself to that other person what happens is because you're not completely yourself you can't be a mirror for the other person
so that if you were actually yourself completely that mirror is a true mirror and then you just take the consequences for what it is and then you'll learn well if i do this completely i end up causing pain well maybe all
watch that really carefully and modify that behavior
but if you modify your behavior before you actually are who you are you can't ever to figure that out

zen activity activity which is completely burned out with nothing remaining but ashes and this was the goal of our practice this is what dogan meant when he said ashes do not come back to firewood
ash is ash ash should be completely ash and firewood completely firewood when this kind of activity takes place one activity covers everything
so it's not a matter of you know one moment or one week seven days says shane ten day retreat or whatever it's a whole lifetime practice and this is our soto away this is a soto zen way little by little on each activity
calling in this morning breakfast with it this morning but it was at lunch as listening in the in the dining room and it's really hard to have a metal spoon and a ceramic bowl it always goes corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn plant and some people are listening
and a lot of people are not that has clung on on content and if it's clunk clunk clunk clunk clunk in a sense we miss a chance to be completely there

this kind of practice is practicing with your whole body and mind
it's an approach to non-duality so moment after moment we should devote ourselves to this kind of practice
naughty having any remains after we do something
but this doesn't mean to forget all about it
if we understand this point
and the dualistic thinking
then all the problems of life i'm told
will vanish
it's so simple the instructions and so difficult to do it's really hard to do
but if we don't make this kind of effort moment after moment this would this is what it means by continuity if you achieve continuity this is the host within the host to have said it means

so the neat thing about the aids ride
in a way i guess
is that it makes you
unlike says shane in a way
it makes you be completely present
anyway that was my experience and that was my joy
the pedal from san francisco to los angeles
completely present pedal after pedal after paddle
going slow enough to really appreciate california
and each person who is in front of me or behind me
and everybody who is supporting the activity schlepping luggage setting up the tents driving the trucks

and like i said at the beginning were supported like that all the time
somebody made our dinner tonight
each one of us who lives in the building one of you who live in a building a house job
it's so silly in that house jobs supports every single person
your meal board job you know
this is a community of dependent colorizing complete interconnectedness it shows it to us all the time were totally supported all the time

and the only thing we're asked to do within the midst of that total support is to be present
that's our job
and when we can't do it real well
then you have to
be compassionate
and the summer we're gonna do compassion practice the intense her
but when you can have the strength and the attention
then you have to cut through
the mind of duality
and rest in the awesome miracle of the body
to another happened in mean age right i completely underestimated the body
there's no way and fifty five years old i can paddle from san francisco to los angeles
but i trained and my body responded
in a way i have no understanding of really
but i will tell you this
if you crave sugar
you might consider you're not getting enough protein

i was amazed i'm a cook a person
i didn't care i didn't look at a cookie all my training i can choose to i actually want this cookie or not
whereas usually it's like i already want a cookie and i have to sort of negotiate
but now it wasn't like that it's protein
so that's the end of my story
so if you have questions we can spend a few minutes and question

my understanding is that people bonded on the training rides for the most part
and the crew make friends i think and if you go with other people i think you made friend i mean that bonds be some people who did it on tandem bikes now you're either good friends for you know that you're not at the end of that riot and
i heard somebody say you know are you pushing i am personally
but i did have some very interesting conversation with people and one with a person who had no legs and was going down doing it this way and i stayed with him for awhile and we talked for awhile so i did talk with people on the road and sometimes it in meals but
but i was so totally focused that
i came to camp at whatever time i came and i had certain things to do and it usually took me about three hours to do everything i just needed to do
soon as i came i had a stretch i had it we eat carbonate and protein and you know foods and body take a shower which was heaven
and get my tend to my luggage set the thing up and by the time i did all that it was fine with me to go to sleep i didn't need this day up and watch entertainment which there was i stayed up one night to watch the talent show and that night they talked about they told stories of people doing the right and why and that was
extremely and profoundly encouraging to me of course right
so was glad i did that but otherwise mostly i would just go to sleep
i wanted to wake up at six and be out by six thirty in the morning because i wasn't one of the fastest ones by any means and i found that if i did my schedule which i used to third schedule
in got out early at six thirty that i could be back at a reasonable amount of time and stay within my training pace which was really important so i never had any problems with my muscles in my knees are he should people were taped all kinds of interesting ways a whole all their muscles and around their names were taped and stuff
i don't know i actually meant i didn't have that and i want more zinc oliver my face in my arms and stuff that only my ears got sunburned because i forgot my youth

well you know
people ask question questions a very interesting question when you plan your actually sitting down being present and planning
for some imagined future so long as you know that it's an imagined future and that you're actually planning right here in the present
you're still being present
and every moment we have a choice i could have chosen to get up later and go and left later you always have a choice on every moment you're free to choose
jump am i responding to your question


and they ride
the training i didn't get a sense of i mean i was really present at every training ride on the rides you have to have to be it just have to be
i guess the difference was was said on the training rides
i am
i was kind of the training was a really intense my whole life fell away in some way and there was just training lifting weights
and i did my own training i trained mostly by myself and one other friend and i had a person finally at a personal trainer i was training exactly how they told her to train and at one point i completely did what you call a bunk
which is your writing will what happened was i was at the presidio i was going down a hill and then there wasn't going up the hill and i i knew when i left the house that i really didn't feel like writing that day but i didn't know any other way i just had to train because if i didn't try it out i trained a lot out of fear to tell you the
you just have to do it you know so i was very willing to do it but that was a lot of the motivation i mean you have to do it you don't have a choice you have to sit you have to do this session if you do the schedule you have to do this gather
so i didn't want to go that day in a way i went anyway and i went down the hill and then i didn't have i had no strength in my legs at all to go to even panel up the other hill nothing was there i would i'd never experienced any like i'm scared to death and so my bike when kind of
like up the hill a little bit and then down
as at the bottom of these two hills and i didn't see any way out and why apple as i walked my bike this way up a street outside out of the presidio and
i think i rested and i had it every day bar and then i pedal back and it turns out i was doing the rides correctly know that this many rides a week and this long and only ten percent each week more and so and so forth but i was only eating the amount of food that i normally eat which meant that i was exerting all of
these calories and stuff like that and not refill putting gas in the car i learned later so i began eating everything and anything and this is a real plus
for brain is kind of training this intense kind of training you can eat anything you want and as much as you i didn't gain one pound nothing and i put on muscle said between all of the stuff that a eight and the muscle that i gained actually probably lost something i'm sure cause i i were exactly this
same now as i did before and i a massive amounts of food
he gained to
did you take it off this is a frightening thing have a certain age
you say yeah my staring there
right i'm experiencing at now i'm being very careful when i'm eating them
i found out about the ride in january
was it january
i remember
no it must have been earlier even in that you planted the seed in my mind and i forgot about it and then i read a card right down here in one of the cafes they had a little card it advertised the age right when i came back from hurting my knee in december
in about january i went to a cafe down here and they had these little cards watch out for these little cards because at the bottom of the card it says in very big capital letters it says after you read the garden think or that's a very good idea some people should do that
we go to the bottom of the car and and the bottom of the car that says you can do this and i thought are they talking to me
well yes i guess i mean i picked it up maybe i can
and so i call that
can i registered and i was kind of late and so there was a time there were it when i knew i didn't know who's going to be on the ride exactly and i had to register in los angeles been a way that the it happens so i started training in the middle of february
february middle of march middle of april middle of may to june the sixth so i trained for three and a half months and i started by going like
a flat twenty five miles and i ended by doing almost
not every hill and i didn't ever go up pam mt tam but most all the hills around here and i ended up doing two hundred miles in a week
so i mean that's intense from almost nothing to doing it and yet at the end of it i had no that the two three days before the ride i had no belief that my body was going to be able to take the most i did was two hundred miles in seven days right
or the last night i did was three rides in a row of sixty five seventy ish so how i was going to translate that into seven days five hundred and seventy miles i had no confidence at all that that was going to happen
i couldn't understand how did it
i had hammond's but the body something happens but he understands something and you end up doing it
and enjoying it i liked it alot
so i don't want to keep you very late just talking to myself about this riot
but i'm

funny i hesitated saying but i'll say anyway
i really wish you all well
know that's the kind of
feeling left with
i started crying again
i wish you well i really do i wish your lives free of pain
and that we are
practice together
deeply in for a long time