This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. I'm Charlie, and I use the pronouns he and they. And thank you to Jiryu. of Green Dragon Temple for inviting me to speak today. So this talk will be about what we could call Zen responsiveness. And I want to relate in particular to a common distinction between being reactive and being responsive. And so what's going on in this distinction or How do I see reactivity and responsiveness in myself and in my process, in my relations, and my impacts?

[01:14]

Reactivity usually refers to a strong, knee-jerk reaction. It can include strong emotions. It could also include shutdown or denial or just an assumption or a snap judgment, defensiveness, resistance, and so on. And responsiveness then involves something more considered, a more careful process, a more careful integration of intentions, values, appreciation of consequences. And responsiveness, I think, particularly points to my inner process and how that then process unfolds into expression and relationality. And, you know, I think a common feeling I have when I'm reactive is I don't feel like I'm in charge of my action.

[02:20]

I'm being used by what's happening. And I might do something I regret. And reactivity, I think, you know, it doesn't only need to refer to like an immediate reaction. It can be long or slow. It can last a long time. Or it can be in a reactive state for a long time. And when I look at reactivity, I see it lacking curiosity. While responsiveness... can embrace ever-widening circles of inquiry. And this can in turn allow for integration of values and so on. And reactivity, I think, can often lean on or involve stories of blame. And with responsiveness, I feel like accepting responsibility

[03:22]

owning more clearly my part of what's happening and also allowing for more complexity, difference, and also possibility. Reactivity may, I think, you know, especially arise with challenging conditions, you know, especially something unexpected, unwanted, some stress, tension, chaos, uncertainty, perceived danger, being hurt. And so, you know, depending on our conditioning, we may each have very specific triggers, and then along with those specific reactive formations. And then reactivity, we can look at that as just describing a whole territory of conditioning.

[04:25]

Like a landscape of conditions and conditioned responses, triggers and habitual responses, some particular to my life, some particular to my family, my upbringing, to when and where I grew up, my cultural settings. And reactivity I would also offer is usually involves acting out my conditioning in ways that perpetuate that conditioning. Responsiveness, we can also look at that as a territory or a complex field or a path through the territory of reactivity. You know, a path of opening or a path of bringing light and awareness to the usually unconscious territory of reactivity. And in this way, responsiveness is not exactly opposed to reactivity, you know, which would just be another layer of reactivity, which we probably actually all have.

[05:41]

And that also just, again, has a perpetuating function, you know, things like Shame or self-hate could be a reactivity layer on top of reactivity that perpetuates the whole thing. Responsiveness is intimate with reactivity and through intimacy opens into transforming the field of conditioning and a process of healing and liberation. So in terms of emptiness or the truth of relationship, I think reactivity in this talk is enacting and perpetuating separation and suffering. And responsiveness, opening connection and actualizing relationality. And also just at the outset, I just want to offer that responsiveness flows or thrives with space making practices.

[06:48]

So responsiveness needs space. And depending on this context, that could include temporal space, just like giving something time. Spatial space, you know, some distance. Also social or emotional, conceptual and experiential space. You know, space to feel. Space to wonder, to question, inquire. Space to move. A space around my stories, my views, my memories. Or you could say space with feelings, urges, pain, hurt. Or a space, a pause or disruption, or just a slowing down in the flow of disconnection, of busyness, grasping, conditioning, suffering. And so stillness in our sitting practice is not about becoming non-relational or cutting off, but a space-making or space-opening practice.

[08:05]

So we have this, I see this as a really deep aspect of what we have in this, what's offered through this sitting practice. Opening space. So I want to bring up two closely related koans. Or there might be one koan, but there seem to be two koans. And so it's Blue Cliff Record, cases 14 and 15. And both of these cases, there's a monastic who questions the Zen teacher Yanmen. And Yanmen lived 862 to 949, and he taught in southern China. So case 14. A monk asked Yanmen, what are the teachings of the Buddha's whole lifetime?

[09:11]

And Yanmen said, an appropriate statement. And so this is an appropriate statement, this response. It's three Chinese characters. And I'm actually going to put this in the chat. I'm going to put the koan and the kanji in the chat. Let's see if this can work. All right. Hopefully that's there. If you can't see that, it's okay. And so these three characters, there's Tai. which means facing, responding, answering, replying, or meeting. And then there's Ichi, one, or someone. And then there's Setsu, which means statement, speak, talk, teach, preach, explain, express, expound.

[10:14]

And so this, you know, this, the translation by Thomas Cleary, an appropriate statement. This is facing, responding, meeting, one, each one, each particular situation, question, being, moment, and then statement, expression, teaching, talk. So this is kind of dense language. And so there's a lot of possibilities for translation. So, you know, an appropriate statement. A teaching in accordance. One preaching in response. Talk facing each one. A fitting reply. Or speaking in tune with particular occasions. The question here...

[11:18]

is asking for the essence of the Buddha's whole life of teaching. We could also look at this as saying, what does awakening do? Or how does Buddha manifest? It could also be, what are we here for? And so in response, Yen Min points to this intimate A responsiveness that meets, accords with, or is appropriate to each question, each seeking heart, each moment, each situation. Meeting each situation is meeting myself and meeting what's happening. and the dynamics of this encounter as it's always unfolding.

[12:22]

So opening to the conditions here, opening to my reactivity, my field of conditioning arising in response to these circumstances. And when I'm caught by my reactivity, I'm going through the motions of my past conditioning, my old pattern. And so reactivity has this, it's kind of closed or tight or cramped. And there isn't this space to receive or explore. Well, how is this not like the past? How is this like nothing I've ever seen before? So being, you know, the sensitivity and alertness and aliveness to fully meeting what's happening. And that's where... an appropriate response or an intimate response can arise. I'm seeing cultivating responsiveness in terms of softening with reactivity.

[13:33]

Softening with and softening in what's happening. And softening especially with discomfort. with pain, with hard stuff. It's like soft belly, soft diaphragm, soft heart, soft neck, soft face, soft eyes, jaw, mouth, soft head, soft shoulders, soft back, soft hands. You know, so to experience and really feel and befriend, you know, my pain, my discomfort, my grasping, clenching.

[14:45]

you know, defensive postures, holding. And, you know, as I'm softening, if I meet something hard, be soft with that. So opening a kind space, right, you know, a capacious heart. And, you know, being a kind friend, you know, to my reactivity, to whatever I'm working with, you know, to my fear. my wounding, my brokenness. And this is caring for a body of responsiveness. So when I'm fully home, fully here, I'm more receptive, I can listen more deeply and develop, you know, an intimate relational presence. And coupled with this inner work, you know, to actualize an appropriate response, an appropriate statement, an intimate response, a real sense of connection.

[15:53]

I need to show up. I need to be willing to manifest, you know, to expose something of what's in my heart and my belly and how things are sitting with me here. And so how connection is real for us right here is not a fixed thing. It's dynamic and relational and always happening anew. And so this appropriate responsiveness, it's not so much about knowing and more about a sense of inquiry and openness. You know, what's here? What is this meeting? What is connecting here? And so making space, you know, frees up a capacity, you know, to meet and accord and some room to move and be flexible in responsiveness.

[16:57]

And, you know, I also feel this like being a student of this interaction, of this moment, of this meeting. A few weeks ago, I was standing in the kitchen of our house, and without warning, my son, Loka, who's nine years old, came up behind me and jumped on my back. And a few days before this, we were in a grocery store, and he was jumping on my back repeatedly, and it was just like having fun in the grocery store, and I knew it was coming. so I could brace myself each time he jumped on my back. And he's like, you know, he's like, you know, he's a kid and he has a lot of energy. He has a need for play and also a need for, you know, body to body physical contact, you know, something vigorous.

[18:01]

So, but you know, when I was standing in the kitchen and I didn't know he was even in the same room, I was not bracing myself. And, you know, he's about 90 pounds now. And so this was an unexpected moment. And it was a surprise. And it was painful. And I was also, I had some fear that this could hurt me, this could injure me. And so I had an immediate reaction. And it was kind of an angry reaction. I was like, ouch, you get off. kind of a flash of anger in response to what I experienced as a sneak attack. So noticing this anger, as soon as Loka got off my back, my first thought was, find some space. So I'll pause.

[19:05]

Don't have any more interaction yet. Because I could feel I was not fully stable with my anger. And my anger and that not feeling fully stable or safe with my anger, that's part of my reactive field, part of my conditioning. And responsiveness is where I'm going to work with interrupting that stream of passing on to Loka some of the conditioning that I received and that shaped me. So I took a few steps into the kitchen and drank a sip of water and breathed, you know, just took a few breaths. And then, you know, and I could see like, okay, you know, he was not attacking me. He just wanted to connect and like we connected, you know, in the frozen foods aisle. And so in that space, I could open to something, you know, a little more complex.

[20:07]

So I experienced an attack. he was doing his playful act of reaching for connection. And these are kind of, you know, these both happened. And so then I could turn around and meet his desire to connect. And also, you know, try to help him understand how he has to be developing more carefulness with his, with his strength and his size as he grows. And so, you know, taking a breath or taking a step or slowing down, you know, creating some space to feel and explore and allow, you know, a quality of relationality to shift in that space to something more present, intimate and responsive, you know, an opening to more complexity and allowing, you know, for some contradiction, you know, some difference, you know, and this is the openness and inclusion of both and

[21:09]

versus the kind of contraction or exclusion of either or. Resist the seduction of reduction. Reactivity often lacks the spaciousness of imagination. Responsiveness doesn't need to negate the small story of the reactive field, it can open around it. It can open a wider sense of what's happening, even with the reactivity. Again, I can't control my way or judge my way out of my reactivity. It's a process of illumination. And then responsiveness is this more expansive possibility, more dynamic. Engaging imagination. And always a work in progress.

[22:14]

You know, open-ended and relational. So entering a flow or a space of mutuality and reciprocity. You know, so not looking for closure. Maybe not groping for closure. and not, you know, seeking a one-size-fits-all, you know, response or truth or expression. And so I did not choose my conditioning. But responsiveness unfolds with choosing to accept responsibility for it, you know, to care for my reactive field and with time, you know, transform that field, heal wounds, release old patterns. and, you know, opening then that kind of receptivity to be impacted, to be shaped by each one, you know, meeting one response or talk.

[23:19]

I think sometimes cancel culture, you know, can be a collective form of reactivity. You know, something's called out and rather than engaging in conversations that might be challenging or uncomfortable, a reactive snap judgment and relegation, which tends not to be transformative and kind of maybe cuts off some possibilities for restoration. So hurtful actions need to be addressed, but a reactive way is not going to release the field of conditioning, individual or collective. So enacting a kind of shame-driven shutdown or abandonment is a shadow side of accountability, lacking space, and cutting off a conversation or process of restoration.

[24:25]

So what's a more responsive relational approach? Inviting each other to work together through something difficult, and opening it to a mutuality of actual conversation, creating this moment together. The bodhisattva vow is not turning my back on any being. And the old comments in the Blue Cliff Record of this case include some phrases like, entering mud and water to die and be born together with you, stretching out the body in the tiger's mouth and following you for a thousand or ten thousand miles. So I hear these as a Zen way of talking about love.

[25:32]

and not a kind of safe or comfortable kind of love, but a love of, you know, walking into birth and death, you know, holding hands together with all beings. And so this is the whole life of awakening or responsiveness. So then I want to turn to case 15. So it's a very closely related story. A monk asked Yunmin, when it's not the present intellect and it's not the present phenomena, what is it? And Yunmin said, an upside down statement. So I'll put that in the chat. So this upside-down statement is also three kanji, and only one kanji different.

[26:49]

Only one character is different. So the first character is to, meaning topple, upset, turnover, invert, mistaken. So then the second character is, again, ichi, one, and the third character is setsu, statement, expression, teaching, you know, talk. So the first one is tai i satsu, the second one, case 15, to i satsu. And so this is another kind of dense language response and very similar to this other, this appropriate statement. And some other translations are preaching in reverse, one teaching upside down, talk turning over each one. Turn that statement around, overturn this statement. And some commentaries say that the monk in this case is the same as in the previous case.

[27:51]

Some suggest this is a follow-up question. I looked back and there's like a record of Yunmin, and in his recorded sayings, These two stories are very far apart. So the recorded sayings make it look like they're two different events. So we don't really know. Yeah. And so this and this question, you know, and part of how it's seen as a follow up question is, you know, an appropriate statement would fit the present intellect and the present phenomenon, like, you know, mind and things. What's appropriate to this? And then so saying, well, aside from that stuff, you know, what's appropriate to, you could say, ultimate truth? What about Buddha nature? What about awakening? How do you meet that? Apart from mind, apart from things, what about that? And so then this Yunman's response, an upside down statement, you know, then we could hear that saying, that question is upside down.

[29:03]

That question is diluted. It needs to be turned over. You know, the monk is trying to grasp at some ultimate truth, apart from conventional truth, apart from everyday stuff. Some true nature, some awakening, apart from just this, these circumstances, mind and things right here. And, you know, and there's like, we do hear teachings that you cannot grasp awakening through or in you know, what's happening in mind or things. You can't grasp it. But we also can't realize or actualize awakening apart from just this, because it's embedded, it's unfolding here. In a broader sense, we could also look at an upside down statement as pointing to

[30:05]

the space, the possibility or freedom, you know, which can open and releasing or disrupting any form of grasping or holding. And so, you know, case 14, an appropriate statement or intimate responsiveness. And we might say, you know, case 15, an upside down statement, top turning over each one. This is together. about a liberative responsiveness. A responsiveness is intimate and this intimacy involves a turning over, a releasing of grasping. And we could also say this is to get close and to let go. And affirming both of these, you know, because getting close is not holding on. Letting go is not getting far away. Responsiveness is getting close and letting go.

[31:05]

And this is intimacy, softening. And it's a paradigm of relationality. And holding on and grasping or getting far away, that's enacting a paradigm of separation. There's an image in the verse of case 15 of dividing one token or dividing a tally. And this can refer to taking something whole and usually like a piece of bamboo. I think it could be other types of material. And there might be something written on it, or just one word, or some way of having an agreement or mutual recognition, and you break it in half. But then you have these two halves that could be fit exactly together.

[32:09]

And I hear this as an image of connectedness, of connectedness in differentiation, so dynamic connectedness. Intimacy is not becoming undifferentiated. It's not like a disappearing into oneness. And this is important for how an appropriate response does arise. And so it's not traversing separation to actualize some kind of perfect meeting. Every meeting is already intimate. Two pieces of a divided token. One of my triggers is being honked at when I'm driving a car. And this is just part of my particular reactive field with these deep roots in my childhood and the kind of reactivity I experienced while being a car passenger.

[33:24]

And so now it's inside of me. And when a beep or a honk comes, I experience a jolt, a kind of a jolt of, I'm not okay, or I don't matter. And I didn't, you know, again, I didn't choose this. But appreciating that it's actually not personal in that way is, you know, can support me in just accepting responsibility for it, you know, without trying to deny it. or hide it or get away from it or shame it out of existence. And so this jolt is pretty uncomfortable for me. And this card hog is the trigger. So, you know, this is partially studying a trigger. And, you know, I'm offering a trigger here as kind of an uncomfortable tip of a complex of conditioning.

[34:28]

And so working with my triggers, you know, then involves a journey through rather than away from my uncomfortable stuff. And I see this as kind of vital to responsiveness. And so in this particular case, there's a core pain or a kind of woundedness of this not feeling okay or not mattering or feeling isolated. And I could react to this by seeing the car honk as an attack, and it's causing this pain. But really, the car honk is coming up, coming way after the establishment of this wound. So it's just, it has very little actually to do with the real pain. The pain really belongs to me. And I could try to fix this pain. various reactive ways. I can just try to say, I'm okay.

[35:33]

You're okay, Charlie. I can try to just talk over it and fix it. But, you know, attempts to control and manipulate are often reactive. And what I find healing is intimacy or, you know, softening, soft belly, soft heart. or breathing, breathing into it and allowing for some spaciousness, something tender. And what's healing is not for me to blame my pain on someone else or to talk over it and try to fix it, but to connect with it. At its root, I see it as a wound of disconnection. So reactivity as a paradigm of separation is only going to perpetuate or recreate or deepen such a wound.

[36:36]

So healing involves a paradigm shift and turning over an upside down statement. Healing is not covering over or getting rid of or not feeling or avoiding woundedness, but a dynamic process in relation to the wound. Becoming relational with the hurt and the pain. and the disconnection or being wronged. So deep healing involves a paradigm shift, you know, from the conditions through which the wounding took place, shifting to a paradigm of connection. And then there's this opportunity that when I get honked at, maybe I won't be so driven by that deep, you know, that I can drive the car. Rather than being driven, you know, so also, I can be driven by my conditioning to vigorously avoid doing something that might lead someone to honk at me. But then I'm not fully in charge of my driving and not taking full responsibility for being with my triggers, my conditioning, and pain.

[37:47]

And in a similar way, exhaustion is being in the driver's seat. and not being controlling, which is a form of grasping, but being intimate and responsive with fear, anger, woundedness, so that I'm not driven. Zazen can be finding myself on a seat of connection and belonging and mattering in a true sense, you know, intimately feeling of a pain of, I'm not okay, or I don't matter, or not belonging, is itself, you know, sitting on this seat of connection and belonging. You know, so the monk's question can be trying to grasp awakening apart from what's happening here. And sitting with confidence or faith in true nature or Buddha nature is to be totally intimate with this person.

[38:55]

deep willingness to manifest as I am, to show up here as this sentient being. And, you know, grasping releases through intimacy. Sometimes a release is not available. You know, our path to release or in release is unique and particular with its own, you know, turns and unfolding. But developing some intimacy is always available. So I can't control myself into releasing grasping, but I can become aware of my efforts to control and opening a kind, welcoming space as a medium of responsiveness. So, you know, getting to know my triggers so I can turn around and meet things in a different way.

[40:03]

Reactivity gives triggers, my triggers, a lot of power over my life. And then seeing how my triggers are not out there, they're in here, then, you know, I can welcome what's coming. And that there's not something going wrong in the universe. I just, I live in a world filled with potentially triggering events. And I'm part of this world for everyone else. So I, you know, that I and my actions can be triggering for others is also part of, you know, responsiveness. And the conditioning I don't illuminate shows up in my behavior for others, you know. all the time, which is, you know, one of the things we can study in Sangha and also any relationship. Zen sometimes celebrates spontaneity.

[41:15]

And I would offer that this spontaneity is not the kind of spontaneous reflex of reactivity but a responsive spontaneity, you know, flowing with intimacy and relational presence. And I would also offer that this responsiveness is not necessarily that I'm calm all the time. Sometimes an appropriate intimate response is passionate and intense. It can be, you know, an upside down statement can be a shout. It could also be something very soft. Spontaneity is fully being this person. And what's spontaneous about it, I think, is that we can't see what my life in the next moment of relationality is going to be, because it's not happening in terms of my ideas or my thinking.

[42:19]

It's always in a dynamic flux because it's completely relational. Always open to surprise. Allowing each moment, each meeting to be a process of discovery. Reactivity can be harmful to my relationships. And it functions to replicate trauma and harm. And this can apply to close family relations and also function on collective levels to maintain systemic harm. Systemic harm of racism, patriarchy, other forms of oppression. The harm and unskillfulness I receive can be the harm and unskillfulness I give. And so transforming reactivity I would offer is liberating my entire field of relationality. We are intimate with all beings.

[43:32]

We are creatures of connection. And the quality of relationships of our relationships makes a huge difference in our flourishing. So how do I show up fully for the relationships of this life? And is there something more important than how we show up for each other? And how we walk into birth and death, holding hands together with all beings. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving. by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving.

[44:34]

May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[44:37]

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