This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. I see the two schools are starting to merge. I hope they get on together. Here's a haiku by Mitsu Suzuki, Suzuki Roshi's wife. Suzuki Roshi's wife didn't do zazen very much, as far as I could tell. But if you spent any time with her, you could feel and the full engagement.

[01:07]

She gave everything. Anyway, that's how it seemed to me. And she wrote a book of haiku. This book is called Hundred Haiku from a Hundred Years. She's a hundred years old. Important tasks, one at a time. month of green leaf passes. You know, it's not possible to make ourselves calm any more than it is possible to make ourselves happy. Maybe within our own likes and dislikes our own preferences, we can find some way of moving things temporarily in the direction of what we want.

[02:14]

But, as I quoted that piece of Suzuki Roshi yesterday, it's not possible to fix a life. even possible to make ourselves deeply happy we can get what we want temporarily and be happy I got what I want but there's a Chinese curse that is may you get what you want what is that about? Hmm. But this kind of continuous engagement, you know, that we give over moment by moment, doing important tasks one at a time.

[03:25]

even though Okasan, as we would call her, didn't sit Zazen much. The energy, the effort, the dedication with which she engaged her daily life. When she was in her early 70s, her doctor, she was having a lot of pain with her knees. And so her doctor put her on an exercise regime. She lived up on the second floor where Blanche lives. And she was to walk up and down the hall, I don't know, 20 times. And then over time, increase it. After a week, this many, and then after. And so she did. And that became part of her daily routine.

[04:41]

And her symptoms were achy knees and dizziness. And they disappeared. But the exercising continued. In fact, it increased. And then when she was 80 years old, she decided it was time to move back to Japan. So she moved back to Japan, and there she lived close to a temple which was up, I think, 300 steps, a lot of steps. So she would march up and down the steps. And at 100 years old, she still does her daily exercise. I'm told not quite with the vigor as she did when she was 75, but still. I think at a hundred you could cut a little slack. We engage, we commit, we persevere, and something happens.

[06:02]

not because I made it happen, but because life is a conditioned existence. If you march up and down the hallway, something will happen. And apparently, kudos to the doctor who recommended it. This is Sashin practice. one thing after another, we engage it fully, wholeheartedly. And as many of you know, I like to say, and we are undone. You know, we're undone by this process of engagement. yet in our human workings, if it's sterile, if it's mechanical, if it's just like going to the gym, you know, Oko-san's gift, which comes out in her haiku,

[07:32]

appreciation. No limit to kindness. Winter violets. Fascinating my color, I write nothing special. First calligraphy of the year. like a breath held fallen camellia. It wasn't just keep fit. Our practice isn't just do this physical mental exercise

[08:37]

and you'll get in shape, Zen style. It asks of us, it invites us to come from the heart more than the head. Rilke, thinking about his own aspiration, wrote this. I want to unfold. I don't want to stay folded anywhere. Because folded is like a lie. To describe myself like a painting that's been looked at for a long time. Like a saying finally understood. Like a picture that's used every day. like the face of my mother, like a ship that took me safely through the wildest storm of all.

[09:48]

That our aspiration would have heart, that our aspiration would remind us what it is that's precious in this human life. And that we would engage the particularities of Sashin with that heart. You know, each thing precious. Okasana invited me to tea once, which she would do at random. I was quite intimidated by her, to be honest, even though she was only about five foot tall and weighed about eighty pints, but somehow I find her intimidating. She invited me to tea and she accidentally knocked the tea bowl over and broke it, which is a terrible, terrible thing to do in tea.

[11:04]

and she bowed so deep to the cup and apologized so deeply and fully asking its forgiveness promising to try to practice more diligently it seemed like Her heart was in everything. Her mistakes were magnificent. Samuel Beckett, an Irish playwright, said, so you failed. Well, okay.

[12:11]

Try again. Feel better. Beyond any notion of success and failure. Beyond any notion that if I get it right, I'm going to keep going. And if I don't, well, I don't know, maybe I'll pack it in. So we give over to the particulars of each day in Shashin. watching where we resist that.

[13:16]

And not that our resistance is somehow in opposition to the aspiration. Our resistance is part of the aspiration. We find We find ease through getting in touch with contraction, lack of ease, agitation. Yesterday I was talking about willingness, and the natural accompaniment of willingness is this effort. If it's an effort that's made to achieve a goal, even some lofty Buddhist goal that stands as an abstraction, that maybe stands in some subtle way without quite realizing it,

[14:42]

this is how we're going to succeed. This is how we're going to fix ourselves. It won't nourish us. The challenge for us is, what's heartfelt? touches us deeply and supports us to take the next step. Whether the previous one was success or failure. This kind of perseverance, this kind of effort, this kind of engagement. One of the things I appreciate about Hatha Yoga is a little tangible you stretch you discover the limit of your ability to stretch you discover how at that limit there's an impulse to contract and resist there's an impulse to try to work around turn your foot out

[16:15]

Move your hips back so you can accomplish something, whatever it is. Get your head closer to your foot, your hand further down in Triangle Pose. you can watch yourself express your ambition in how you relate to the pose. And of course, as you see it, then the possibility of a different way of relating appears. What if you're engaging it attending to what's happening in the body rather than the dictates of the mind?

[17:20]

What if you engage it through noticing the breath? And our practice is just like this. This is the body and the breath are the subtle and sometimes not so subtle registry of zazen. But they can also be the registry of attending to what happens throughout the day. You know, in this style of sishin, sitting a certain amount, but then there are a whole variety of other activities. And then how to bring awareness to those.

[18:28]

Can the awareness be more continuous? Can there be a continuous exploration of what's happening now? This continuous exploration is a powerful quality because almost inevitably we will bring the usual patterns of our karmic life to Shishin. If in your usual life you make fierce effort, probably you'll do exactly the same in Shishin. In your usual life, if you feel a little intimidated and cautious, try to hold back, make sure you don't get hurt, probably you'll do the same in Shashin.

[19:39]

In your usual life, if you tend to relate to others a certain way, guess what? Amazingly, your serving crew will be just like them. The great thing about continuous awareness is that we can start to see this. We can start to see the patterns, the patterns of our emotions, the patterns of our thinking, the patterns of our inclination as to how we bring forth our practice. And as we see this with awareness, we start to modify it. And this is a subtle point, you know, that Okusan brings out in her haiku.

[20:52]

It's not that we make something different happen. It's... It's not when we're doing yoga, you make your body stretch further or bend more or twist more. You more thoroughly, as thoroughly as you can, you get in touch with what's happening. As I quoted Suzuki Roshi as saying yesterday, For a Zen student, a weed is a treasure. When you find you're directing critical attention or judgment towards one of your co-servers, noticing, acknowledging, experiencing.

[21:57]

Is this the first time your mind and emotions created such a perception? Probably not. But what a delicious opportunity to look at that pattern, to feel it, to notice how it ripples in your body. Until then, how to not let it be a cascading event. Okay, first I get a little agitated by this, and then I get agitated about being agitated, or I find other things to combine the agitation. And pretty soon, I can't even look at that person. Even that, if that's how it comes into bloom, that's how it comes into bloom.

[23:17]

Can we attend to it? Can we notice? Can we notice the thoughts, the thought patterns? And in the noticing, in the acknowledging, in the experiencing, part of the challenge is not getting busy making something else happen. Attention, attention, attention. experiencing, experiencing, experiencing, we create an influence in our being.

[24:24]

We don't have to figure out the consequence. We're giving over to a process, the process of awareness, the process of undoing the fixed patterns of self. And in our sitting, the process of sitting is to drop a little deeper into this process. And one of the challenges of sitting is to not let the body sort of stiffen. inhabit body.

[25:26]

We bring habitual efforting, and then the body takes on that efforting. The physical challenge is that every time we sit, we're in a process of rediscovering a body. We don't assume to know the body of Zazen. We rediscover the body. We rediscover stability. We rediscover uprightness. We rediscover openness. This is one of the things we keep checking. How is the body? Is the body alive?

[26:31]

Does it have, is there full awareness of body? Or has the body been part where the much more important activity of thinking is endorsed with full attention? body is this extraordinarily sensitive registry of how the moment is being responded to. And when the moment is called into a certain physicality, the utter conviction with which thoughts are usually grasped is loosened up. So when you find yourself in Zazhen that you've parked the body, pause right there.

[27:38]

Feel parked body. Feel its posture. Feel its contraction. Feel its alignment. Listen to what it has to say. and then gently bring it back and rediscover alignment. With the spirit of Suzuki Roshis, and for a Zen student, a weed is a treasure. In the spirit of that Zen saying, one continuous mistake. that uprightness is not a static thing. It's an activity. The mind moves amazingly fast.

[28:44]

And the emotions follow quickly. A fraction of a second. At its core. and breathing into this body, alive body, then the body is alive and the breath is alive. And they're inviting connection to the aliveness of everything. in so many of Okasan's haiku. She takes engagement and then she flips it open.

[29:50]

I mend my tabi, journey of my 80th year, content with this day. This tree of my life has 96 rings. Fresh spring breeze. Sometimes it sounds like Indian music. this delicate balance between diligent attention and receptivity. So in a way what I'm saying is, when we start with receptive attention, Dogen Zenji taught in Bendawa, he said, this receptive attention,

[31:08]

is the foundation that all the Buddhas and ancestors have promoted. And then there's an interesting discussion as to whether directed attention has its place in that. And I would say it does. And I know many venerable teachers would say otherwise, but I don't care. What can you teach except what you practice? But the receptive attention, this open awareness, this becoming in touch with the workings of your own being, it creates a foundation. It helps remedy the way in which you're just acting out your own karmic disposition. Not to say you'll stop acting out your own karmic disposition, but you'll start to be more savvy about it.

[32:18]

You'll start to see when it's totally taken over. And then you attend to that. So it has a stabilizing and balancing influence. It helps to modify these tendencies. And then within that our directed effort is more skillful. And it also helps us carry the awareness throughout our realm of activities, our variety of activities. And then we can engage, as the Shuso was quoting Suzuki Roshi, this extending the exhale all the way to emptiness.

[33:24]

But actually, we can engage anything all the way to emptiness. Every activity, even bowing to a teacup when you broke it. was a tea teacher of many, many years. So even bigger mistake. And did she walk around all day ashamed and upset by what she did? Of course not. She took care of it right there and then. we engage each thing as the most important thing. And it invites us out of the intrigue that's hovering around for us.

[34:37]

Some unfinished narrative that has a thousand variations about how I can be truly happy or content or at ease or secure or whatever it is. We engage each thing and the narrative becomes less compelling. Its place in our being as our reason for living starts to loosen up. And in a ridiculous way, each thing becomes our reason for living. Just doing this is it. And then the self starts to blossom.

[35:58]

The self starts to blossom usually in a wonderfully messy way. The things that you've been holding back from feeling, well, guess what? They decide in their wisdom Finally you're ready to listen. Let me tell you what I've been waiting to tell you for quite a while. Let me tell you what I've told you a hundred times before, but you never quite listened. Because I think you might hear it this time. And can you attend to it? Can you open to it? Can you let it be embodied? Can you breathe it? What will be the consequence?

[37:16]

Who knows? Life unfolds. This form of engagement, it stimulates the vow that's in our heart. You know, when I read this poem by Rilke, it gives me a feeling for his search. How do I put this into words? How do I do the impossible task of taking a feeling that I'm only partially in touch with and articulating it? And how can we carry, each one of us carry that heartfulness into each period of Zazen?

[38:23]

How can we make that kind of involvement, commitment to each period. The very stuff of my life is on display in the spirit of Zazen. The opportunity to align and engage with it is here. And as we do, the more subtle details that support our practice start to appear to us. Can you notice the impulse to move your posture before you move it?

[39:35]

And then move it a little bit slower and more intentionally. When a powerful thought feeling arises, can you Engage it almost like you're feeling the weight of it, the intensity of it, the personal significance and importance of it. How does Roke put it? painting I've looked at closely for a long time. And as you're engaged in the other activities, the cleaning, the eating, the resting, can you carry your awareness into them?

[40:59]

Can you When you notice mind is creating a story, can you pause? Not in an expression of suppression. Not in stopping what's wrong and doing what's right. But can you pause and make contact? Can you feel the urgency of that story? Maybe it would help to acknowledge how familiar this story is. And this kind of activity, it helps to create A balance and stability.

[42:06]

And then when we come to sitting, as we engage body and breath intentionally, that stability facilitates engagement. And this is a delicate point, you know, when we start to become intentional about our experience. I heard a mysterious thing once that Suzuki Roshi started to teach about breathing from the hara and people didn't like it, so he stopped. Just that cryptic, you know. intentional engagement. And I would say our intentional engagement asks of us a skill from this.

[43:16]

If it's an assertion of what I want, we're just continuing what I want and putting our energy and commitment in it. If it's about fully engaging so that everything reveals itself. As Suzuki Roshi says, and the breath goes all the way out to shunyatha, into being. Okasan says, like holding the breath, falling camellia. We breathe out, and then the whole world is breathed in. It creates, it supports awareness.

[44:31]

That's of some use. As we enter the third day, the golden age of Zen, the third day. Will it last a thousand years? Dusk falls with haiku, sun rises with haiku, mountains smile. Enduring the relentless heat this evening, insects singing. I prepare clothing for my journey to the pure land, flower petals floating on water. Feeding the crickets, I contemplate life's brevity.

[45:45]

Grasshopper jumps out in front of my walking stick. Distant Fuji. Birth and death. Not holding on to even one thing. Autumn brightness. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge. And this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[46:36]

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