This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I'm going to start with a short quote from Suzuki Moshi. This is very cute, by the way. The secret of Soto Zen is two words. Not always so. Oops. Three words in English. In Japanese, two words. Not always so. This is the secret of the teaching. It may be so, but it's not always so. Without being caught by ideas, we actually do something. And doing something, we apply our teaching. Oops. Not always.

[01:00]

So. Every day in life is full of assumptions and expectations. And as a result, disappointment. And it's like, wait, I can't remember who used it. But dis-ease. Dis-ease. like that because it's both the physical and the mental in that. We assume that the train's going to come on time, that lunch is going to be served, that people are going to be civil, or at least leave us alone. When these things don't happen, anger, fear, and stress just ravage us. body and mind.

[02:01]

And even, you know, if it's something really trivial, it feels so awful. It fills me with tension and strain and fear because strain didn't come to us. Sure, trains should be on time, and we should all be kind to each other. But this is samsara, and we know that's not how it works. We create this hell. It's created by me. And it doesn't mean that we're not accountable, that no one's accountable. It means we all are. My anger and my frustration acted out. It doesn't help the situation. But how does this imperfect mind avoid contributing to this melee, this chaos, this tension in the air?

[03:16]

This is what I think is an example of practice. Something that comes up for me. Sitting on the bus, really tired after a long day of disappointments and my assumptions being busted and irritation and anger and frustration. You know, you should stop. A young woman gets on the bus and she sits right next to me. She smells of oil and grease she has on her McDonald's costume. And flattered food and, you know, crazy hats. You know, crazy headgear that make you wear at McDonald's. She sits down right next to me and not feeling all that charitable that day. You know, oh dear.

[04:22]

I don't know this person. He just sat down next to me. Could have been any person, really. But my irritation from something else is affecting the atmosphere between us. At least on my end. So she sits down next to me, and of course her phone rings. Flip, flip, flip, flip. And she answers the phone. And her voice is loud. She's trying to, you know, kind of scream over the roar of the bus and the traffic outside that they're going through. Trying to be heard. And she's shouting into the phone. And then suddenly she burst into this really loud laughter. You know, I jumped. You know, because I'm so tense. So angry and frustrated. You know, any one other piece of Stimulation, you know, to irritate, to, you know, to laugh.

[05:31]

Even something a little like somebody laughing, for God's sake. So she burst into her laugh, and I want Stovad to turn and just tell her to be quiet. Put that phone away. Girl, we on a bus. For some reason, for one moment, I had this little moment where I stopped and I listened to what she was saying. It's her birthday. She's thanking someone for remembering her on her birthday. And it's been one of those days for her, too. Obviously, she's got the, you know, battle, you know, the ketchup on her, you know, costume, like blood, you know, from a battle.

[06:35]

She's been through it today, and it's her birthday. And no, she's not doing anything special. She's going to pick up the kids, go home and cook some spaghetti, and go to bed. Sounds just like me. So I'm sitting there and he gets up to get off the bus, you know. And I just touched her on the arm and I said, happy birthday. And I'm like, so close to throwing my delusion out there. And hurting someone on their birthday. Not hurting. But you know what I mean? Trivial and little. And change someone's world.

[07:37]

Even if it's for a second. She kind of looked at me funny. But. Look at me funny. But much better than, you know, us having an argument on the bus. You know, because we're both so frustrated. Right speech is so simple and yet so hard. But it just took that moment between hearing bird song and judging a bird. Just that moment. to awaken to what's really going on here. The Eight Fault Path isn't easy to walk. You know, it's one foot in front of the other.

[08:40]

Yes. But take those steps with care. And sometimes I forget. And I'm so scared. I'm just running. dust all over the place, chipping myself up, dipping on worms and other people's feet without care. But this is practice. Practice is dropping body and mind, letting go of that baggage that says this is what, this is all about me. This is what this is. This is bothering me. This is the fault. This is the problem. That's not the problem. There are bigger problems.

[09:41]

But the only way to solve little or big problems is to clear the ground and build the altar. and focus on what is real. My teacher used to say that all the time. I forget what she was attaching that to. It has something to do with characters. Clear the ground, build an altar. Body and mind, delusion and judgment and greed are so heavy. They'll have us weaving all over the road and eventually staggering off the path and getting tangled in the brush. And that's part of the practice, too. I could have made that mistake on the bus.

[10:44]

Made so many those kinds of mistakes all over. I had a, you know, it wasn't really a fight, but it was kind of a a thing going on in my office, you know. I had a stapler on my interview desk, and it would always disappear. And in my brain, the lady that sat on the other side, because, you know, she was adult Medicaid and I was child Medicaid, and so she's sitting on the other side, and of course there's this... non-existent rivalry between, you know, adult Medicaid and child Medicaid. You know, silliness, you know, different departments. Like, we're different departments. Really? And so this little thing came up between us, and we kept stealing that favor.

[11:47]

You know, I have it on my desk, and then I come back, you know, from getting my client And it'd be gone. And she'd get up to go make her copies and I'd go over there. And it could have been a fun little game. You know. And we could have been adults. But nope. So there we were. Little things like that. Passing each other's stress. There's so many bigger things going on. Like I said, it's hard to walk that path with all your junk. But it's part of even those mistakes, even those silly falling into delusion, madness.

[12:53]

outright silliness doesn't make sense. Something you made up. That's part of practice because that's what we learn to see. And we have to learn, you know, we see it so easily, quote unquote, or we think we see it in other people. But we can't really see it in ourselves so easily until we just run up against that wall. You know, just like Dogen, people always, you know, that false quote of Dogen's continuous, you know, mistake. I actually found it. Okay. He said, there's a principle of the way that we must make one mistake after another. What is this like? Whether Buddha is present or not present, I trust he is right under our feet. Face after face is Buddha's face.

[13:56]

Fulfillment after fulfillment is Buddha's fulfillment. Not exactly that quote, but it's kind of close. Mistake, one mistake after another is what we're studying here when it says to study the self. That's what we're looking at. Studying that. And seeing those mistakes, seeing those points where we leave off the path, not because someone pushed us or whatever, but because we're outright drunk with ourselves, outright drunk with all our junk and our ego. And so we make mistakes. Maybe the trick to right speech, right thought, staying on the path, is giving myself a little space, and that little space is Zazen.

[15:17]

And I'm not talking about Zazen on a cushion. I'm talking about when we talk about Zazen in life. There's your Zazen, that one breath that you take before you respond. Especially when that something stirs up my delusion. It's hard to do that because the world comes at us so fast, especially now. It comes so fast. But you have to practice. You have to practice so that the way the... Frustration and anger and ego comes up so automatically, so does that breath. Just take one second, one second to let that bird song be a part of you. And you be a part of the bird song.

[16:22]

And recognize what's real. It's taking that breath and that little space, that little zazen, and asking not, am I right? Or is that true? You know, without those subjective words and judgment, and say, is that so? Because it's not about relative truth and good, or this is good or bad. It's about what is... actualizing in this very moment and being a part of that moment because what's actualizing in this very moment is Buddha nature what we're digging for you know when we do our thousand and what letting that manifest be itself be it

[17:26]

Is this real in this time and space? And what is the response I can muster right now? What is the way right before me? This brings me to another one of my favorite stories from the treasury of Buddha knowledge. that we have of our Buddha ancestors, Pakwin and the girl. Quickly, Pakwin, you know, is living in his temple, and, you know, in the village, there's this young girl who falls in love and gets pregnant. Her parents find out, and she is terrified, and she's shamed. Doesn't seem to have much, you know, support from the dude she, you know, was with.

[18:35]

Because he doesn't get mentioned in any of the stories until the end. What's that? Okay, let me put that down. But, you know, she's in trouble. And she makes a choice to... protect this man and for some reason blame Hockland and says it's his baby. And so, you know, most of you probably know the story, you know, she has the baby and the parents bring the baby to Hockland and says, you take care of this. How dare you, you know, you, you know, ruin my daughter or whatever the sentiment is from parents in that time. So you take care of this baby. And of course, there's one more mouth for them to feed. And you can kind of get some understanding of what their situation is if you're, you know, have a little compassion for them too.

[19:42]

And so Hakuin takes the child and he says, is that so? But he takes the child. He takes the child and he raises it. You know, his reputation out there is ruined because, you know, at that time, priest was supposed to be celibate and all that kind of stuff. You know, forget what the reality is, but, you know, that's the idea. And, you know, he takes this child and his ability to... fulfill his role as a priest, his ability to receive donations, you know, to take care of the temple, and on top of that, to care for a child in poverty. He takes that. That's his response. And, you know, eventually, because she's a young mother,

[20:54]

The young girl comes, you know, comes clean and she wants her child back. And she comes and he gives it back to her. He says, is that so? And he lets this child that he's been taking care of for a year. Gives her back to his mother. Give her him back to the mother. Let's go. Now. Maybe Hawkwind is saying to the parents when they come and they give him the child, he said, and they're accusing him, you know, of all these things. Is that so? Really? But maybe he's also saying to himself, is that so? Because he sees here a young woman in trouble, scared and ashamed.

[21:57]

Unsupported by parents or by her lover, whoever it is. And he sees a child that needs to be taken care of. Is that so? What is this? What's real here? When he has to give up the child. And give the child back to its mother. Without judgment. Is that so? Reunites a family. And keeps going. Now, nowadays, you know. Somebody goes up to the temple, bangs on the door. Hey, this is your baby. You know, court case. You know, go and, you know, have that, you know, test.

[23:00]

See whose baby it is. You know, all those things, all these choices we have to do today. Times are much more complicated. Injustice is rife. And too often, you know, the response is... anger, frustration, or outright violence towards people. And it's hard to hear what's really going on over all of this fighting, and sometimes it's hard to even figure out what the heck we're fighting about. maybe just taking that one minute that little minute of zazen before I respond and doing my best to awaken awaken to reality without my judgment and anger in the way it can help to just ease a bit of my suffering and avoid more suffering for others

[24:22]

through my inability to respond appropriately and compassionately because of all my bags, bags piled so high I can't even see in front of me. So I'm, you know, stumbling and weaving all over the place. Can't even stay in my lane. I got to get in yours and tell you what to do. You know, I have to remember that I don't have to be right. I just have to be fully here, apply some compassion, and maybe through that come about with a bit of wisdom and act with a bit of wisdom, speak with a bit of compassion.

[25:24]

Encounter. the world with a bit of joy instead of all this me, all this I. Again, Suzuki Roshi says in that quote, without being caught by ideas, we actually do something and doing something, we apply our teaching. it's always the question, how do I apply this teaching? And maybe it's just that. The door opens, breathe, dive in, drop body and mind, and walk through and see what's really on the other side without assumption.

[26:30]

without wanting something, without what should and should not be, what's true and what's right and wrong, go see. Be awake to it. Be aware that sometimes it's just not so. think that's all I want to say about that. There was another quote that I was taken with because I hadn't read the book in a long time. It just is it. Okay.

[27:33]

And it's a little, you know, awful thing, but it Awful. Not really. Nothing's awful. I've been having trouble with my robes this morning. I think I've gained some weight since I've been here. And so it's not really spinning the way I want it to be. Maybe it's just me this morning not being in a, you know, being a little physically challenged. But it says... Real freedom is not to feel limited when wearing this Zen robe, this troublesome formal robe. Similarly, in our busy life, we should wear civilization without being bothered by it, without ignoring it, without being caught by it, without going anywhere, without escaping it. We can find composure in this busy life.

[28:35]

If I take the robe as being this Dharma practice, that doesn't mean that we're all monks and nuns and stuff like that. It just means that we've taken on this Dharma practice and we're going to wear it as best we can. This troublesome practice. We wear it. And we wear our life in this samsara, you know. Not to be bothered by it, he says. But not to be consumed by it. But, and caught up in, you know, what's dharma, what's not dharma, whatever, whatever. The practice is to simply wear it as best we can.

[29:48]

And even with those mistakes, even when it's on a little crooked, apply the Dharma. And the Dharma is that breath. And the Dharma is the Eightfold Path. And the Dharma is everything the Buddha and the ancestors have taught us about compassion and equanimity and have some confidence in it. And when you see it slipping, give it a little tug. I sit down. I don't know. I always at the end of trying to, you know, make these notes, find something that I'm like, oh, yeah.

[30:54]

Even though I'm not quite clear why that connects or not. And it might not connect for you. That's somehow for me. So, Thank you again for listening. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[31:36]

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