This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. Welcome to Begner's Mind Temple. My name is Tova Green, and I've been co-leading this this break practice period with Rosalie Curtis having practice. And I want to thank Rosalie for inviting me to speak tonight, and also thank my teacher, Agent Linda Cutts, for all her support and encouragement. So the theme of the practice period, which is almost over. This is our last Wednesday night talk of the practice period. has been the way of the bodhisattva and how bodhisattvas of the past can inspire our lives today.

[01:06]

And one of the recurring themes when we study bodhisattvas is the theme of bodhisattvas. We take a bodhisattva vow. Reads are numberless. I vow to say that was the first part of it. or a vow to wake up with them. And many of the bodhisattvas we've studied also practiced with vows on Tivani's head vows, Jizu bodhisattvas, great vows to those who are in some of the darkest places referred to as the health vows. that can be interpreted in many ways. And there's a chen that we've been doing at noon service every day in this practice period called ,, that is an expression of vow and also of the practice of confession and repentance.

[02:16]

And that's what I wanted to talk about tonight, the relationship of vow and what what we experience or think of as confession and repentance in this Zen practice that we do here. And I wonder, is there anyone who's here tonight for the first time? Great. Well, welcome. And I will try to not use terms that you might not be familiar with, but I may already have used a few. Apologies, I practice period. So I'd like to start with the ,, and a translation of the title that I found is The Arousing Vows of Great Greece, ,,

[03:23]

So A.H. Dogen was the founder of our school of Zen, . He lived in Japan about 800 years ago. And not only was a seeker and teacher, but also a poet and writer. And many of his writings are are very relevant to our practice in our lives today, so we studied on it quite a bit. And this is in another fascicle, but I couldn't find where exactly it is. It starts with these words. We vow with all beings from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma that upon hearing it, no doubt will arise in us, nor will we lack in faith, that upon meeting it, we shall renounce worldly affairs and maintain the Buddha-dharma, and that in doing so, the great birth and all living beings together will attain the Buddha-way."

[04:44]

So that's an expression of Dobens. aspiration for practice, encouragement to practice, inspiration as well. That when we practice, we're practicing together with all Buddhas and ancestors. And when we practice together, we benefit from their encouragement, and we encourage others. Many of us may have come to practice, or may have come tonight, because you're dealing with a difficulty in your life, or you have some questions you'd want to answer, and you may think that this is going to be a benefit for you. If you continue to practice, you'll find that practice is not only a benefit to you, but it also benefits those with whom you do, work, and planning.

[05:47]

And we practice here together. We sit together in the Zen Dome. So even though each of us is silently sitting facing the wall, we are aware of the others in the Zen Dome. And we feel the energy of not only people who are sitting with us each day, but people who have been sitting with us who we never knew. People who've been sitting in that center for 50 years. And there's a certain energy that supports our practice. And just the first few sentences of ,, many words that we could explore. So bowing with all beings. What is the true dharma?

[06:48]

And is it possible that we can hear it without any doubt? When does doubt arise, what is the importance of doubt? And also faith, what do we mean by faith? What does it mean to renounce worldly affairs? And what does it mean to attain the Buddha way? very full of things to study. And it may sound extreme, you know, if we begin to practice, we will renounce worldly affairs. What does that actually mean? And I was listening to a talk by Sergeant Whiteson at Berkeley Center about this I almost want to call it a prayer.

[07:50]

I think the fervor in this piece is so strong. But he talked about how do we practice? And what does it mean to renounce worldly affairs? How do we live in a world which calls to us? in so many ways. We step out the door of city center, particularly in our urban temple. We practice in the midst of so much suffering. We see it in our neighborhood, and we see all the new construction going on, and the wealth that's here, and the poverty that's just all around us. can we actually not pay attention to the world when we practice.

[08:54]

But I don't think that's really what renouncing worldly affairs means. I think it means turning the light inward and taking time to study ourselves, understand what will come up in the next few sentences, our karma, our conditioning, all of the causes and conditions that shape us that come not only from our families, our schooling, our friends, what we've read, but our ancestors, our history. We're shaped by so many things.

[09:57]

So we are, as we learn, as we study ourselves and understand some of the things that contribute to the ways we view things and experience things, we are intimately connected to the world around us. But we also focus inwardly in order to understand how some of the things we may have taken for granted in the past, some of our ways of understanding ourselves and the world may just be ideas that some of the ways in which we see ourselves as separate beings are also illusory. That may be true, and at the same time, We're interconnected. We're deeply affected by everyone and everything around us.

[10:59]

And we have an effect also on everyone and everything around us. So our practice, therefore, is not just for ourselves. Vietve Prosoposipoman goes on to say, although our past evil karma has greatly accumulated, indeed being the cause and conditions of obstacles in practicing the way, may all Buddhas and ancestors who have attained the Buddha way be compassionate to us and free us from karmic effects, allowing us to practice the way without hindrance. So, Our past, what does evil come to be? And how has it accumulated? I think almost any of us can think of things that we've done that we regret or that may have caused harm, even if we didn't intend for it to cause harm.

[12:14]

Things we thought words we've spoken, things we've done that have heard others or things that we hadn't done that could have been helpful. When we look at our experience, particularly when we try to practice in an ethical way, we often think we fall short in one way or another, and how can we view those ways in which we feel rather remorse for things we've done in a way that gives us an opportunity to learn from experience and to move on, to forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and to bow

[13:21]

to do things differently the next time. And it's sometimes through our difficulties that we can actually rededicate ourselves and become energized to practice even harder or in a more aged way. So Dogen then says, may these Buddhas and ancestors share with us their compassion, which fills the boundless universe with the virtue of their enlightenment and teachings. And then there's a line that I really love, Buddhas and ancestors of old, whereas we, we in the future shall be Buddhas and ancestors. So that says to me that Buddhas and ancestors of old were also

[14:28]

victim, also made mistakes, and also learned from the mistakes that can support us in our own exploration. They're closer to the end of this piece. Dogen says, widely explore the farthest regions of these causes and conditions, as this practice is the exact transmission of a verified Buddha. Confessing and repenting in this way, one never fails to receive profound help from all Buddhas and ancestors. So that's where confessing and repenting comes in. And many of us may have some negative complications with confession. from our faith backgrounds.

[15:33]

So what does confession and repentance mean in this context? On Saturday, we took part in a monthly full moon ceremony, which starts out with confession and repentance. And the words are, all my ancient twisted karma from the endless greed, hate, mental illusion born through body, speech, and mind. I am now fully alone. And we actually check that for those who don't practice in the building. We check that every morning. And so recognizing that we are shaped by many forces, in our past as well as in our ancestors, our parents, grandparents, and beyond, our culture, our gender, our background, all of that has an impact on us and on our actions and how we see things.

[16:53]

And when we think about how our actions are influenced by what are called the three poisons, greed, trade, and delusion. We're not exempt from that, no matter how good our intentions may be. There are things that we crave and want more of. ways in which we feel aversion to things, or people, or situations. And both greed and hatred are really based on the fundamental delusion that we're separate beings. And if we can have an experience, or the ways in which we're connected, then

[17:58]

It's easier to be mindful of the ways in which our anger can separate us from others. Our greed may also keep us from seeing ourselves in a social context and wanting to make choices that are beneficial for others as well as ourselves. not leaving ourselves out, but understanding that we're a part of a greater whole. And so our karma can be expressed through our thoughts, our speech, and our actions, born through body, speech, and mind. And I'm not fully about. To me, that means I just recognize it. that these words, actions, and thoughts have an impact on others and on myself.

[19:13]

So in the time of the Buddha, and also the full moon ceremony goes back to the time of the Buddha, confession and repentance were done in public. in the assembly of monks or of lay people. And there was a ceremony at the New and the Full Moon where people could talk about the ways in which they had not followed the precepts, the ethical guidelines, and acknowledge to the assembly that they had fallen short. And then, be able to take a period ahead before the next new form, they would work on changing their behavior and work on their thought patterns and speech.

[20:18]

And so we sometimes have done that practice here. city center before a full moon ceremony, especially on the Friday evening, gathered in small groups and talking about how we practiced with the precepts in the previous month and what our focus will be in the month ahead. And then starting the full moon ceremony with this confession and repentance, which there's a teacher, who wrote a book called Living by Vow. And he has a chapter about confession and repentance. And he says that it's like, if you want to dye a piece of cloth, at first you would wash the cloth.

[21:23]

and get rid of any impurities of the club. So before we take the precepts, we renew our precepts in full moon ceremony, we abow our karma. Actually, before we come in, we might incense our sleeve or a robe as a way of purifying it, and then abow our karma. And then we're ready. to take refuge in and to renew our commitment to working with the precepts. So that would be a form for expressing our confession and repentance But also talks about a formless way of confession, which is just sitting and meditation.

[22:33]

Because when we're sitting, we are fully present moment to moment with our experience. We come back to the breath, focus on sensations in our body, notice our thoughts, and let them go. creating any karma in zazen, neither positive nor negative. We're just simply sitting there moment by moment and being present with our experience. And so in a formless way, that's a way of confessing by not contributing further to any karma, positive, or negative. So coming back to precepts, the reason we renew our precepts, our vows and our precepts every month, is that it's very easy to forget them.

[23:48]

And we need to return to them because working with the precepts, it's kind of a lifelong commitment to be as aware as we can be of the effects of our actions and words. I was talking with Christina this morning about the coffin. She said that it's really important, along with the review and confession, to remember something the Dalai Lama said, that the next step after a ballet is to forgive ourselves for the things we have done and to then move on and not ruminate on.

[25:21]

on our mistakes, but to move on. And that's where the connection is between confession and vow. So we vow to amend or to do something differently the next time if there's something we regret having done. And sometimes just sharing a mistake something you regret having done publicly can actually be very affirming and freeing and allow you to let go of it. And I was thinking, on Monday morning, I went to work meeting, and I had intended to say something at work meeting, and I forgot and it's still with me. You may think this is a little bit, but I but it is not such a little thing because it's part of my community.

[26:27]

I cooked breakfast myself on Sunday in the open kitchen, and I forgot to wash my frying pan and one of the other utensils that I use. And I put on it later in the day at the bath again, and then Monday morning I realized I had never washed my frying pan. So I don't know who did it for me. Whipped in. Thank you. But part of our agreement about using the kitchen on Sundays is to leave no trace. So I intended to apologize at work meeting on Monday. So here's my apology. Let go of it. I think there's something. And I also know sometimes at work meeting, someone will say, I apologize for ringing the wake up bell late. Or there are things that we do that have an impact on the people we live with.

[27:28]

Can we acknowledge them, admit that we made a mistake or that we're sorry, and then quit, go, and move on, and go through the next time, next Sunday . So There's one other line in the I wanted to briefly talk about. It's in this life, save the body, which is the fruit of many lives. And I think that is a very important line for us to make attention to, because we can't take our bodies for granted. And I think of Zazen as very, very much a body practice.

[28:31]

And with all meditation from the time of the Buddha, there are four foundations of mindfulness, starting with mindfulness of the body, mindfulness of the breath. But it's not just noticing. changes in our body or the sensations in our body, can we also be caring and loving with our bodies and take the time for exercise, get up, sleep. This is a challenge when we wake up so early every morning. Take care of ourselves when we're sick. All the things that allow us to really, and to eat well, things that will put us in our bodies are a very important part of our practice.

[29:51]

The last line in the is that all of this is the pure and simple color of true practice, of the true mind of faith, of the true body of faith. And faith, I know faith may also be a word that triggers difficult feelings for some of us. But there's a book by a Buddhist teacher called Faith. And in it, she says, faith is trusting our own deepest experience. And faith enables us to try again. So I think with that definition of faith, it's very much in tune with trusting what arises as we get to know ourselves and as we become more aware of how what we say has impact on others and that our lives are so precious and interconnected and can be a source

[31:20]

others' lives can be a source of inspiration for us, and our lives can also be a source of inspiration for others. So I want to share a very short poem called Oceans by Juan Ramón Jiménez, a Spanish poet. I have a feeling that my boat has struck down there in the depths against a great thing. And nothing happens. Nothing. Silence. Waves. Nothing happens. Or has everything happened? And are we standing now, quietly, in the new life? So sometimes we may have that feeling that our boat has fallen against something quite amazing, and yet maybe very ordinary. find that suddenly we're standing in line.

[32:24]

So I'm wondering if there are any comments or questions? Thank you. I just had this idea that you were talking about forgiveness, so we can model it here for a quick second. Because I think you're saying something about creating a space. Also, the conditions and the ways we can feel OK to acknowledge that we did wrong. And so what's it like to have this space of also receiving an apology, first of all? So if I say, oh, I apologize because I missed this anymore. It's easier for me to say that than to make a moment forgive myself and not put so beat up about it because I see you as a person who is also willing to acknowledge their own mistakes.

[33:32]

But I also think that that creates space for people to say, oh, I can actually apologize to this person. So as a community, we create space. There's some challenge I think sometimes. receiving help. If someone has hurt us or done something to us, it's easy to sort of hang on to that and not really create a space in which someone can come and say, I'm sorry. But that can be the same thing about creating the conditions around being willing to accept them. What that's like, how we can help be up for ourselves and other people. So you're saying sometimes it's hard to apologize to someone because they may not be open to them. Yeah. Or receive an apology from someone. Sometimes I know it's like to want to somebody to forgive me. Sometimes it's hard to find the space to let someone apologize and let it go.

[34:39]

There are times when people want to. and said, well, how do I create this space where I'm willing to accept an apology, you know, for example. I think it helps if you can look at what gets in the way of accepting apology from that person. Do you have a fixed view about that person or incorporates resentment for that person? And to look at what's keeping you from accepting the apology or being open to it and make you feel like feel it's not sincere. But I think to look at what is going on, then it's hard to accept the apology from the person. And you may not be able to let go of your resentment or your idea of that person.

[35:43]

perhaps just acknowledge that someone has at least reached out. And it may take more than that for you to accept the apology very deeply. And saying, I'm sorry, might not really be enough. But at least if someone's making a gesture, you can acknowledge that, even if it doesn't change . But I think that, for me, looking at that subject has made it easier to apologize, not because I think there are many of us who try to work on our communication and also to hear other people's apologies. So I think that we create an atmosphere over time Which is a little easier to get received feedback or to accept, to apologize and accept apologies.

[36:48]

Is that helpful? I think for me, what I have heart, what's hard for me to let go of is the things that I haven't done, that I didn't say at the moment that I should have done more words. How do you let go and forgive those moments when you work? How do you let go of that? How do you forgive that? I think recognizing that you did do something you wanted to do, maybe because you were afraid, there may be some other reasons, is the first step. And then if you can understand what kept you from doing or saying what you wanted to say, It may be easier the next time, because you'll have another chance. I think most of the time, you'll have second chances. Not always. But it may be another situation where you can resolve to develop your ability to say something difficult, or your ability to stand up for someone else.

[38:09]

I don't know what the situation is, but whatever it is. And to accept that at that moment, you did the best you could. And I think that's where forgiveness is really important, because we can easily acknowledge our shortcomings way more than what we have done well or have done. And many people get discouraged by the bodhisattva balance. It is impossible to say what it is. But it's still, I think, to recognize that you are aware that you could have done something differently than you wish you had done, maybe the next time you'll be able to do it.

[39:16]

So pick it for something, and then take it out to meet the next situation. So I'd like this to be in 30 bells. Close, thank you all very much for being here for your attention. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[40:01]

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