Good morning. Good morning. He called me and said, well, this happened, and because that happened, this has to change, and then he changed that, this, and this, and this, all had to change and be reorganized. Not that I fully understood exactly all the implications, but I said, okay, of course. Actually, I was a little more involved in that. Couldn't we just do that?

[01:00]

And it reminded me of once reading a piece by Dido Laurie. He's talking about a Zen center, but I think it applies even better if it was the sheet. But he said, it's like a sailing ship. And on a sailing ship, you have all these different crews of the world. You have like three masts, and a crew for this mast, and this mast, and this mast, and a crew for the anchor, and a crew for this. Each crew has its own designation, its own specific activity, but it takes all the crews together to get the ship to sail. Hashim is like that too. It's the serving crew, the kitchen crew, the work period, the cheats, dogs.

[02:04]

So we can't sit and do nothing. And I know that for some of you, this is your first exposure. Sailing ships, assume. Don't worry about making mistakes. You will make mistakes. In my mind, it's the nature of solo zen. There are details about the details. You might think, just walk into the Buddha hall and sit down. No. How you enter, how you walk, how you step on rigid mountain. All sorts of details.

[03:13]

And there is a challenge. There is a challenge. It can easily become intimidating. You can enter into serving. Not sure exactly what you were told. And not remembering it anyway. So be it. Take it as an opportunity. Give over to what's happening. And very much this is the flavor of Sushi.

[04:18]

It's the flavor of our practice all the time. But it's more evident in Sushi. Give over to what's happening. And yesterday I was starting to talk about two qualities that this has. This giving over is fundamentally a renunciation. We're renouncing, we're letting go, we're stepping out of the world according to me, the circumstances and conditions have evolved in relationship to that and the relationships of stepping out of that into another world to some of us a familiar enough world although every Shashim has its own characteristics and to some of you

[05:32]

A brand new world. And just to remember that it's familiar with its limitations. Limitations. You tried a little biter? Couldn't hear the sound? they're familiar with its limitations its restrictions we learn to accommodate them and then we enter this world and we haven't learned previously to accommodate what it asks of us maybe we've learned something through our practice which is she is asking of is a thorough stepping out of the world of familiarity and habit and stepping into the world of traditional Zen practice.

[07:03]

And this has the context the circumstances. And it has an inner relevance, too. It's relevant to our usual behaviors. And it's relevant to our usual patterns of thinking and feeling. All these are being challenged. And for most of us, there is a discomfort, maybe even a distress that comes along with that territory, with that shift. And so the other quality that's helpful to uphold is a reassurance in how we relate to our own responses to this shift that we hold on

[08:05]

kindly, patiently, and as best we can, skillfully. And most of us will find a line in that process as we've settled into Shishin, and even after we've settled into Shishin, still we're in learning mode. And so the discipline of Shishin holds both of these characteristics. Notice it, experience it, release it. When the bell rings, go to the Zen. As you notice the inputs

[09:08]

to go into an habituated behavior, bring the words. Whatever states of mind and emotions and ways of thinking that might usually conjure up, can they be held with words. This is the discipline of renunciation and as I say on the other side patience a benevolence towards our own process you know usually when we enter the discomfort of the unfamiliar and the uncomfortable challenges it puts upon us.

[10:12]

There's a discomfort. That discomfort usually has a distress. Maybe a powerful distress or maybe a sort of subtle lingering distress. as you're watching how you are, as you adjust to this new world. Glow with your diligent attention, your diligent awareness, patience with your own path. Are you going to make mistakes serving? Yes you are. Is your mind going to get distracted while you sit?

[11:15]

Yes, it is. Don't worry about that. It's going out. Not to veer over into complacency. No? Not to use that to sort of become a little sloppy. But more is a reassurance. that your deep sincerity and your diligence can express themselves and there won't be a nagging voice saying, not good enough. Oh, you just did that wrong. And so, of course, sometimes we give others the benefit of our wisdom eye. You're doing that wrong. you're not doing that quite well. Often as the mind turns in that way it's helpful to watch what it attacks to.

[12:40]

It's helpful to watch the concepts that arise with that object in relationship to that object it's helpful to watch the emotion disposition that arises and then similarly dealing with that internally to self-criticism sometimes it's quite evident you make a mistake when you're certain certain it's so public it was just a private little mistake that nobody could see but when it's so public then it's more loaded

[13:44]

is more likely to stint at something and to notice what is a bit stint in terms of awareness we could say being aware of the particulars being aware of the context in which we're functioning in that moment. Then being aware of the responses. Being aware of the habits and condition that are part of the self. And then being aware of how this is all a construct that comes into being in resulting. Not this day, in any particular moment, we notice all of those.

[14:49]

And I would put it this way. Notice what becomes most apparent. If the internal series of responses is what's most apparent, notice it. If it's the external. walking across the Zendo survey and you hear your own footsteps and you think, too loud. Let that be the object of awareness. You know, yesterday I was talking about this phrase, Gigi Uzama. awareness of the functioning of self.

[15:53]

However it arises immediately. Don't push this experience away because you should be aware of another one. What arises is what's relevant in the workings of the self. This is how this moment's experience is most relevant in context of your being. How interesting. awareness needed with that flavor. How interesting. And you know what?

[16:54]

Usually not. Usually it has along with it the accompaniment of how this experience is significant to the self. It's sad. in the context, it's framed in the context of what's significant to the sun. And that tends to stimulate the narrative, tends to stimulate a movement, a trajectory for how it's being responded to. footsteps are too loud. I'm a bad Zen student. Everybody's watching me. The circle's going to get annoyed.

[17:57]

Whatever else. And this tends to distract us from the moment that's happened. Distract from the moment that's happened. So the steady, patient, diligent of awareness is experience the experience that's being experienced. And as I was quoting Dobin and saying yesterday, and this is teaching of the Buddhas and the ancestors. This is the door or gate. of liberation. Experience the experience that's being experienced.

[19:01]

So tantalizing, inviting in our practice to know what should be happening and to see how what is happening falls short. And occasionally succeeds in that regard. But this success or failure in the context of what we think should be happening it makes this more immediate awareness more elusive. So very much the flavor of the Zen school is to not know. In its classic formulation, great doubt.

[20:12]

In its simple, immediate application, more curious, more willing to experience what is happening and reminding ourselves that these shoulds and should not are the arising constructs of our conditioned existence. They most likely carry the flavor of how we normally do our life. As we do our life, we're inclined to do sishi. As we do our life, we're inclined to do sishi. And it's fine to interrupt me. Probably if you didn't hear it, half the people in the room didn't hear it.

[21:17]

And as we do Shishin, as we do our life, Shishin tends to become a replay. It tends to stimulate the behaviors, the emotional habits, the mind states that come readily to us because of their habitual nature. So as Dogen's end, you said, this kippah, experience, experience, it's being experienced. Actually, I made that up. Really, it's a way to kind of turn into verbs. Indeed, you use ama. Awareness of the process of being a self. Then as we get intimate with this, through our sincere dedication, through our willingness, when we notice the arising attitude, judgment, to act it out rather than experience it for what it is.

[23:05]

This is the exacting challenge. As we experience it for what it is, rather than acting it out, it's like there is something in our process feels thwarted. But wait a minute, I have something to say about that. I have a feeling that goes with that. That reminds me of another thought that I want to think. Reminds me of a story that happened to me. As we experience what's being experienced, something that more usual, the more usual way of being me is being thought.

[24:14]

And that can have a charge. And this is where the delicate balance between the renunciation and the reassurance come in. Staying with the experience that's happening, if it's too heavy hand, if it comes an issue of control, if it starts to carry a flavor of pressure, it agitates the mind and the emotions. we return to awareness with great patience.

[25:18]

We remind ourselves that what's happening, however and whatever it is, is there to be present and experienced. But in the process, this shift, this shift from allowing the usual course of our heaven energy to flow the way it usually flows into this immediacy. And this is what all these particulars and details are about. Can they set the stage? Can they set an environment that keeps drawing us back to nothing? And then the internal work is, can we commit to that adjustment? Internally, can we come to a commitment, an intention about it?

[26:29]

And as we engage the practice, it isn't so formulated in concepts as it is a willingness to be. and it's helpful as we settle in this issue to remind ourselves of this proposition and then we engage technique with this mind the danger of technique any technique that it becomes a goal in itself counting your breaths. You count them from one to ten, you succeed. You got space tight at two, you failed.

[27:34]

The technique is in the service of awareness. It isn't a goal by itself. However, I would say that having technique helps anchor. It helps determine. Especially as you engage in technique and you engage it and engage it it stays close it comes readily forward it becomes accessible it's where we use the way a habit a conditioned habit is close at hand

[28:50]

involve the technique in that way it creates its own body breath memory the same way our body has a memory of signing our name we can have a memory of the body breath of how we're usually practicing to engage in this way, to bring a diligence into technique. Now it might seem like, well, wait a minute, be open and experience whatever arises and have a technique. Yeah, that's the proposition.

[29:50]

I remember laughing the first time I read a piece by Suzuki Roshi where he said pay attention to your breathing but not too much I would phrase it a little different I would say engage the technique you engage but in an inclusive way that it's open to whatever arises that it creates a presence That's available for whatever it arises. So as you attend the beginning heel, you hear the sound of the pascar. You notice the sensation in the body. as you attend to the exhale release releasing how the mind has contracted around what it's thinking softening the emotional flavor that comes with it

[31:29]

Releasing the tendency to go into an associated narrative. This great patience in our practice. We come back to this, we come back to this, we come back to this. And each breath is new. Each breath, our practice begins again. When this is done with a harsh mind, it's like torture. It's imposing upon ourselves something that's painful. it feels like it's taking away some of the vitality of being and usually you can watch does it start to feel mechanical and wooden

[33:04]

Does it become increasingly difficult to stay engaged? Does the mind's impulse to generate fantasy increase? Does it restlessness or discontent? All of these any of these patience and kindness if they arise literally feel the emotional quality and in the feeling releasing not suppressing Can you feel the way there's a contraction?

[34:09]

And can it be soft? When we relate to our conditioning like this, reassurance. In a visceral Bible, we're reassuring and supporting process of practice in technical terms the object of awareness becomes more repeat what I just said How do you make the object of awareness more appealing? You study all the ways you're making it unappealing. And as we engage the technique,

[35:34]

will open and show us how it works on an increasingly subtle way one of the techniques I suggested yesterday was whatever it is that arises breathe it in Let it be more physical than mental. The mind is so habituated in running the show. Part of this shift into now, part of this shift into the Dharma world from the Karma world, it's facilitating the renunciation

[36:40]

of the mind is reality. The mind is an ingredient of reality, a significant ingredient, but it's not reality. It's part of the tapestry we weave as we weave each moment's reality. It's not the only one. So we notice mind. But with the breath, breathing in, it's another constituent of the moment. There's this thought, there's the physical sensation, maybe it's in emotion, The nature of the breath is yes.

[37:45]

The nature of the breath is willingness. Willingness to breathe. Willingness to be this moment. Willingness to be this experience. Softening the insistence that the world is what I said is. And the only thing that matters is the judgements, the thoughts and feelings I have about that. The cosmic chorus of each breath, I studied hundreds and thousands of times and as we breathe no rush there's no special thing that needs to happen when we stop happening we're not going anywhere allowing ourselves the spaciousness of practice

[39:07]

The deliberateness. And with each exhale, breathe out. Release. Like a sigh. Again, permission to leave. Permission to not get acknowledged. permission to not be caught in clinging or regret or aversion permission to reassure in a tender way our being So that's the breathing technique I'm trying to sell today.

[40:14]

And as an introductory offer, it's free. Buy yourself something as a Christmas present. Unfortunately, you cannot, well you can't in another way give it away. and then the body of this breath this is our posture and of course your body is starting to mystify you how can it sometimes be lighter than earth and sometimes heavier than lead how can there be such a specific ache, but when the bell rings and you stand up, disappears.

[41:22]

Breathe that body too. It's not your enemy. It's your friend. and explore uprightness, explore spaciousness in the torso that allows the breath to enter and to exit. This kind of body. And I hope you would find the yoga sessions helpful I'm not saying everybody will, but there, you know, to loosen and lengthen and strengthen the body, to release the diaphragm, soften the abdomen and invite the breath, to release the neck, the shoulders, open the chest,

[42:46]

the hips we work with the causes and conditions of our human existence hopefully skillfully so each of us to do that in a way that's appropriate for our own physical condition And this afternoon, we'll work some more in a different way with the breath. Chanting. And for those of you who know what I'm referring to, you can notice, because I evoke a pleasant or unpleasant response.

[43:50]

I'd like to end with a poem by Joy Arjun, a Native American poet. To pray, you open your hope self to sky, to earth, to sun, to moon. To one whole voice that is you and know there is more that you can't see can't hear can't know except in moments steadily growing and in languages that aren't always sound but other circles of motion we see ourselves And know that we must take the utmost care and kindness in all things.

[45:05]

Breathe in, knowing we're made of all this. And breathe, knowing that we're truly blessed because we were born and die soon within a true circle of motion. We pray that it will be done In beauty, in beauty. To pray you open your whole self to sky, earth, sun, moon, to wonderful voice that is you. And know there is more that you can't see, can't hear, can't know, except in moments steadily growing and in languages that aren't always sun, but other circles of motion. We see ourselves and know that we must take the utmost care and kindness in all things. Breathe in, knowing we're made of all this, and breathe, knowing we're truly blessed because we were born and die soon within a true circle of motion.

[46:19]

Like ego, rounding out the morning in silence. We pray that it will be done in beauty, in beauty. This wonderful human capacity to hold it all, the spaciousness. All these dramas that arise in human consciousness. Amazing variety of experiences. Circles of motion.

[47:25]

It's so. Whether it's yellow schoolmas or a jackhammer cutting open in the pavement. whether we see it or realize it or not. We're blessed to be alone. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click giving.

[48:41]

May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[48:44]

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