This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. It's funny, I was thinking that the process of practice is to get into trouble. In fact, I was thinking, okay, now we're really in trouble and apparently in more ways than I had anticipated. There's a way in which our sincerity in us sincerity and our commitment.

[01:01]

It's fine with me. Why don't you lift the benches up and move the benches forward. Yes. [...] Well, this is very cozy.

[02:25]

You're almost all in the space that was previously left empty. But when I came in, the thought that came into my mind was, oh, an emptiness is sitting up front. So back to being in trouble. Our sincerity and our dedicated commitment, they both get us into trouble. With our sincerity, we... We put ourselves on the line. Vowing to be aware every moment. Vowing not to let the mind and emotions and the imagination and the feelings sweep us inside some dream.

[03:31]

Stay here. And our commitment and continual practice of doing that, it shows us the tenacity of conditioned existence. There's a way we can appreciate, appraise Sashin, where you can notice that some part of the day had a certain tenor, a certain mood, a certain disposition. And then something shifts and something else happens. And then some thread of intention running through them. And that very thread of intention, of commitment, of sincerity

[04:35]

evocative in its own way. It's helping to create the trouble we get ourselves into. We can't help but sneak in some kind of preference, some kind of expectation, some way that we're relating to this that will create the approved of outcome. and it doesn't happen. Or maybe it happens briefly and then some other way. The world again shows us it isn't under our sway. But in the midst of this

[05:41]

very curious and helpful thing can happen is that we accept the whole gestalt. Not because we figured something out or because this is our new and improved effort. It's more that as we experience not being able to take charge, not being able to define reality, make it predictable. As we experience that, something in us lets go. Okay. Would you like to hear one?

[06:43]

Number two. L-A-V-2. Let's try one again. Two, two. That's a good one? Okay. How's that? Okay. It is. Oh. So you cannot listen to it, please. How can you record it? I don't know. The speaker is definitely from the unit. Outside. No. We're gripped. Now?

[07:50]

Okay. It does seem to be something for most of us in our process. The very nature of making our diligent effort and seeing what we were anticipating or what we were hoping for doesn't happen. Ah, the Shuso will save us. In the process of our karmic life, what was that? In the process of our karmic life, this is failure. This is an unsatisfactory result.

[09:10]

It's only recording. worry about it. As we shift into the world of the Dharma, it's its own kind of blessing. When you watch the mind that became unattentive and forgot to put out the chopsticks. With karmic mind, that's failure. That's falling short of your own vow. With dharmic mind, it's the play of the moment.

[10:18]

It's just how it turned out. You've made your sincere effort and it turned out that way. Nothing gained, nothing lost. Just what it is. Leonard Cohen in one of his songs, he said, forget your perfect offering. Everything is correct. That's how the light shines in. And very interestingly, somewhere in the process of our practice, not because we intend it, not because we produce it from our own deep wisdom or compassion, just the very process of practice loosens up, undoes something.

[11:22]

The results we're expecting as a reward for our sincere efforts. There's an image in Zen. The plum blossom in the spring wind just comes apart. The petals float away. Our sincere efforts just undoes our anticipation, the noble goal that we're striving for, the way some Zen success will make us whole, worthy, in our own eyes and other people's. And it's a delicate process.

[12:31]

If you become too casual, we don't really experience the being undone. I don't know if we could say that we have to feel something of the harshness of failure. I think more if we insist upon it. You know, if we say... I have to feel the harshness of failure, well, then you probably will. As we learn that the sincere effort is itself just what it is. And the result is also just what it is. Its own light shining in. This morning, after breakfast, I was walking across the road to where I live.

[13:42]

My cat has me well trained. Immediately after morning schedule, I go home and feed her. And when I arrive, she's anxious and agitated and desperately hungry. So I was dutifully following her schedule. But next door, there was someone sitting on the steps and a weathered-looking guy with a backpack lighting up a cigarette. I didn't know whether to say good morning or not. Sometimes I think early in the morning, a weird-looking guy in black. It'd be kind of scary if I said hello. But he took the initiative and he said, are you a monk?

[14:47]

Thank goodness it didn't occur to me to say, no, I'm a Zen priest in the Dharma lineage of Shunri Suzuki. Shinryo Suzuki. I opted for a simpler answer and I said, yes. And he gestured over towards the building and he said, and what's that? And I said, Zen Buddhist place. And he said, Buddhist. And I said, yes. And he said, Zen, what's that? And again, I didn't offer him, you know, the non-dual majamaka foundation of Zen practice.

[15:59]

I just said, well, a kind of Buddhism. And he said, have a good day. And I just said, and you too. But inside at the start of the interaction I was still going home. I was still not where I was supposed to be. And it took the generosity of his questions, the generosity of his interactions to help me arrive where I already was.

[17:04]

And it took some kind of surrender, acceptance, to let the reverberation of intention to go home, feed the cat, go to the bathroom, to let that Just be part of meeting this person. In those few brief moments as I walked across the street, my mind picking up little details. Weathered-looking guy. Is he homeless? Didn't think so. day laborer waiting for whoever's going to hire him for the day to pick him up. His gestures, his movement, he seemed unsettled.

[18:20]

A little agitated. Agitated. The way we We take a few details and then we fill in the blanks. We don't need the world to tell us too much. We'll just do it all ourselves. We'll create reality. Just leave it to me. I know best. And then when we attend to the world, the world undoes us. His questions charmed me.

[19:27]

In some ways, just regular conversation. Who are you? What are you doing? What are you about? What's that weird place over there you just came from? What's with your weird clothes? And then in another humorous way, you know, they had that kind of Zen spice, you know? What is Zen? What are you? What, where have you come from? That's a good Zen question. This way, As sashim loosens us, more can come in.

[20:41]

And it starts to shift. What comes in feels less of an imposition, a rude imposition on the world according to me. It's more like an invitation to be more alive. Look at that. Like Shakyamuni holding up the flower to Manjushri. Look at that. A flower, a moment. nothing to gain, nothing to lose, nothing to be deeply understood, just as it is.

[21:56]

So as we are undone, even when we're undone unwillingly, when we're busy following our Zen agenda, and the moment interrupts us? Not the moment we wanted to have, but this peculiar moment that's arising. Can it be allowed in? when the world comes in, when the world comes forward and creates what is, that's awakening.

[23:09]

Awakening. And to our ear, to our mind, It sounds so generous. It sounds so inviting. It's like, yeah, give me some of that. That sounds good. And yet to our karmic life, so often we want to push it aside. Because it's not what's supposed to be happening. It's not the true expression of the Buddha way. And we toss around in that sea. Of course, we'd like it to be some exquisite, clear acceptance.

[24:13]

Like a hammer hitting emptiness. like a flower held up responded to with a smile. There's another essay, another fascicle by Dogen where he says, but if it was simple, there's so much we wouldn't let. If it just happened like that from the very first moment, so much we wouldn't let. As I noticed this person's agitated movements,

[25:17]

thought, is he okay? As I listened to his questions, my feeling was more, well, what way of answering would make sense to him? What way of answering would help us communicate? So this great gift of the Dharma, we receive and we're inclined to give back. We're inclined to receive the gift and return the favor. And yet, such a propensity to stay within the karmic world, according to me.

[26:25]

What a great mystery our human life is. So please, like this, savoring your human life. Now as we're in this land called the middle of sashimi. So your question. I've got two questions. The fountain in the courtyard was flowing for the last three days during work circle. I love you.

[27:34]

Well, you forgot your question mark. But nevertheless, I will treat it as a question. When you bow to the world with gratitude, it gives you a hug. Question number two. You spoke today of the Renzi school with approval and affection. So why Soto? Why Renzi? Thank you. In the conventional world, we give something a name to know it by.

[28:42]

In the Dharma world, we throw away the name to know it directly. Who says Renzi Soto? who said Zen practice, not Zen practice. I remember watching the Rinzai teacher I gave that precious weed to sitting in a car waiting to drive somewhere. And he looked like he was just sitting. in the passenger seat like he was going to sit there forever and I find that a little scary like he didn't practice Zen he was Zen I remember thinking at that moment thinking uh oh

[30:02]

Is that what I'm signing up for? Is that what you're signing up for? Be careful what you wish for But watch how we do But what shall we do? Wonder in the recurring dreams of habituated consciousness? Finding new excuses that sell the same stories? Or open up to a world that nourishes, enlivens, illuminates.

[31:18]

This shifting in the basic way we're relating to being alive in some ways incredibly challenging request incredibly demanding and then in some ways No more difficult or complicated than just meeting the person in front of you. Are you a monk? What are you? So when I said, I didn't say,

[32:37]

I was a priest in the lineage of Shinryu Suzuki. You all laughed. Or most of you laughed. Yeah. How comical it is when we hold too tight with too much embellishment, maybe too much sense of our own importance, you know, becomes comical. And yet from our fearful place, from our insecure place, well, what can we depend upon? What will help us have self-esteem? A sense of belonging. This is the tender territory that we're poking at.

[33:42]

And the great gift of the surround of Shashin is that it holds us upright and allows us to come apart. like the peach blossom in the spring wind. Maybe to the casual observer, and maybe to all of us at times, that spring breeze feels a little bit more like a gale force wind. It feels less like a Japanese haiku and more like horror movie.

[34:46]

Horror movie? hence something in us, pause, however it turns out, and be present. Oh, look at this. If it makes your heart pine and your body quiver, it brings tears to your eyes if it makes your mind race with a thousand ideas okay that's just what it is that's what it is to be alive in that moment

[36:11]

Maybe by your terms, that means you're definitely not a good Zen student. You're definitely not performing according to plan. But do you really want to say that you have figured out the unfolding the unwinding process of being that you know all the intricacies of the inner workings of a human psyche someone told me recently that when you breathe when you become aware of breathing in a certain way

[37:16]

it activates a nerve that runs down here. And when you put your hand on it, it stimulates the release of certain neural peptides that bring a soothing quality. How amazing the workings of our physical beings And those neuropeptides have whatever consequence they have. And the self steps in and says, that's me. I did that. Okay? If you say so. If that's how you want to summarize it.

[38:19]

Practice will both keep inviting us back to base experience and inviting us to open to everything. You know, the notion of the pure land in Buddhism is that in the pure land all these karmic vicissitudes, the ways in which we grasp, the ways in which we avert, the ways in which we stay preoccupied and distracted, in the pure land, they all fall away. And practice is this beautiful, straightforward, simple, abundant, available process. And this is not the Pure Land.

[39:38]

More exactly, this is the Pure Land, and the Pure Land intermingles with the karmic currents, the karmic winds, the karmic flavors and influences of life. And as Dogen Zenji says, in a very, very interesting way, these karmic forces and what they produce can open the moment up. And it can be just what it is. And Dogen Zenji says, you'd be pleased to know we've got through one paragraph and one sentence.

[40:50]

I think there's about 12 pages. There are two approaches. Study with the mind, study with the body. This study with the mind means study with the three aspects of mind, such as citta, vridaya, vridya, consciousness, fundamental being, and what's learned from experience. What I'm trying to describe this morning, what's learned from experience? learned from experiencing karmic formation, determinedly dictating reality, and then being undone by the particulars that arise in awareness.

[42:08]

In conventional terms, we can say, what's learned? Nothing. It's just, it's up. The emperor says to Bodhi Dharma, And who are you? Don't know. This vast world teaching us how to be. The more we insist, we know, the more we insist, we know how to practice, we know what should be happening, we know what the results are, we know what a good Zen student is and a bad Zen student is.

[43:39]

The more we're inclined to miss the light coming in the window. The more we're inclined to miss that the server serving us is sincerely devoted to doing it just right. Whatever that is, no? How sweet. How generous. How mysterious. What is serving just right? And yet, we devote ourselves to it. And the emperor asks Bodhidharma.

[44:50]

But what is the highest meaning of the Holy Truth? If I was to practice just right, if I had all the right agendas, if I had exactly the right understanding, tell me, what would that be? What a marvelous question. What a great way to get into trouble. You know, often in the con, it seems like you got this not so clued in guy, the emperor.

[45:55]

And you got this totally cool, clued in guy, body drum. No? And here comes the dummy saying to the smart guy, hey. Okay, tell me. How do I get this right? But maybe the Emperor's like the totally cool, colluding guy. And maybe Bodhidharma's thinking, uh-oh, now I'm in trouble. I have to speak about the unspeakable. I have to make a description of that

[47:00]

which doesn't have a fixed formulation. Doesn't have a fixed formulation. This is the proposition of our practice. In the English translation, of Dogen Zenji's next phrase is, after resonating with the way, after letting this proposition of practice touch your heart, after letting something in you suffer.

[48:05]

Yes, it's true. The amazing forces and influences of my life have brought me to a Zen Sushi. And no, I don't really know how all that happened. And I do have some notions of what Zen practice is and what Chasheen is. And then in another way, I'm happy not to know. In some ways, I'm feeling miserably at it. And then in other ways, it does feel like something's being undone. And I'm okay with that.

[49:15]

Sort. I still have a but. But could I get some of my own way? Could some part of it be just the way I like it? Or all of it the way I like it some of the time? We hold the human condition tenderly. This is a delicate proposition. This is our precious human life. In this way, it's fierce in a way. But then in another way, it's extraordinary gentle. Open up the preoccupation.

[50:22]

And as Leonard Cohen says, the light shines in. Dogen's energy says, resonating with the way. Resonating with the way. And arousing the mind heart of practice. You know, when the sentiment is something like, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do, hmm, it doesn't last too long. When something in us starts to feel something like, how else could you live? How else would you want to live? Just cry. causing pain and suffering for yourself and others in circles and cycles of habituation.

[51:36]

I've been doing that. And yes, indeed, it causes pain and suffering. I'm here to discover an alternative. And I'm up for that. Arising the mind-heart practice. Okay. And to wash all that down, a little bit of miryology. The word is arguers, as in argue, arguers. In my mind, the arguers never stop. Don't we all know that one? Hafiz said, the time to worry is when the time 10,000 idiots inside your head leap.

[52:53]

But you might think they're not coming back. They're only on vacation. They'll be back. In my mind, the arguers never stop. The skeptic and the amazed. The general and the particular, in their uneasy relationship. Then the robin sinks. Then the bulb of the lily becomes the stalk. Then the stalk opens into a handkerchief of white light. Oh, what is beauty that I should be up at 4 a.m. trying to arrange this thick song. this thick song.

[54:03]

Thick song. What is beauty that I would take a week out of my busy life and delve dying into the inhale and the exhale into the psychosomatic plays of holding body upright and still. Into staying contained within a structure that both places restrictions, and offers glimpses of complete liberation.

[55:11]

So I would suggest to you, like this, resonate with the way. Thank you. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[55:57]

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