This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. All systems go. Across the traditions of Buddhism and probably in other traditions, traditions too there's often a sequence engage settle see your own stuff come to terms with it and now see the world and the self more clearly and learn how this is the world, this is the self.

[01:10]

It's not indifferent but it's more impersonal. This kind of very interesting mix, the more closely we attend to the intricate, intimate details of the self, the more It affords us the capacity to just be, is that so? So it is. Sitting in Nizendo this morning, hearing the rumble, deep-throated rumble, those elephant trucks. Slightly menacing in their power. And then after breakfast, coming out and seeing them lined up like a line of white elephants waiting

[02:28]

to go to their destinations down the hill. And the visual, I've heard, a reflection to the kind of sensory imagination of just having the auditory in the sense. Not that my mind was busy figuring something out, nor was it a boat by the deep-throated side? Both in image and in feeling. Both what? Both in image and in feeling. It made me think that I missed an ingredient of my grandson's endeavors in the backyard.

[03:49]

The fact that being a little bit more than one year old, his vocabulary was very limited. His capacity to think, to categorize, to judge what he was doing. It's very limited. So, in a way, his capacity to engage in a verse and let it be its own events, activity. He was moving the earth. Maybe he was moving the earth and escalating the sky. Could one not be exultant in the middle of that? And this capacity of human consciousness.

[04:57]

As Dobin continues with this fascicle that I've been Occasionally referenced. The study with the mind means the study with the various aspects of mind. Consciousness, heart-mind, experience-mind. After resonating with the way, arising the thought of enlightenment, taking refuge in the great way of the Buddhas and ancestors, devote yourself to the practice of wickedness. There is the practice of awakening. Naked mind, moment by moment. Casting off mind. Sometimes you can't study the way by casting off mind. Sometimes you study the way by taking off mind.

[06:02]

Either way. Study the way with thinking and study the way with knowledge. This way, when we allow the world to emerge and we don't figure it out, that we don't fit it within the agendas that arise in the context of our personality and psychology, this non-thinking way of being That was the image I was trying to create, talking about my grandson. Too young. I think. Too young to have too much stuff.

[07:06]

Too many attitudes. Am I doing this right? Am I moving this way right? Am I impressing my papa? Or is he disappointed in me? And which was exactly better at this? I'm gonna show that old guy. All that thinking. And something in the vitality of the activity becomes obscure. something in the capacity to simply be what's happening, to simply do what's happening, is obscure. It's made different. Sometimes we study not.

[08:13]

We receive the moment. And at this point in Sushin, through our diligent effort. Another translator translated as, what Kaz translates as, a rising way seeking mind. He translates it as, the concrete actions that evoke awareness. The concrete actions that evoke awareness. They're sitting up straight, hanging attention to the breath, they're noticing the sound. Concrete action, the basics are still there, drawing this complex organism back into contact with what's happening. And as we do that and we do that and we do that, it becomes less a strange exotic territory and activity.

[09:34]

It becomes more, well, isn't this just being alive? Isn't this just ordinary? Yes, it is just ordinary, but just ordinary is extraordinary. in that it's not a common way for most of us. And yet, when we were young, it was a common way. We know how to do this. The way we soaked it in But it was unmediated by, am I doing it right? Who's doing it better, you or me? Should I be somewhere else? Is there a more important thing to be doing with my life? Am I going to get out of this what I want?

[10:39]

In that kind of unmediated activity, we learned Do not think I'm missing something. There's something I don't know. In an amazing way, it's quite the opposite. There's something we deeply know. Our body knows how to believe it. Interestingly enough, though our mind might have all sorts of ideas about it, it doesn't know the way our body looks.

[11:46]

So we engage and we engage and we engage, and something is our so-called succeeding and failing, something soaked in. And this way of being, it's close to originally, that we were born part of, becomes more familiar, more accessible, Maybe it makes more sense. Maybe it makes more nonsense. And so this non-thinking activity.

[12:46]

Sometimes you study the way casting off mom. hearing the rumbling of the truck. The rumbling of several trucks. And then, in our own consciousness, it becomes representative. As I said, in my consciousness, slightly menacing. associated with imagery. As it pauses at the stop sign a slight feeling of relief.

[13:54]

In a way, Does any of that make sense? Who cares? It's what arises in consciousness. And we, in those sentences, learn from it. Let it teach you what you are. Let it teach you that you are alive and you are part of what's happening. that you contribute to constructing this existence that at other times seems so separate. And we carry, we carry gently softly this non-thinking consciousness. Not as an imposition Maybe more with our childlike knowing.

[15:10]

When in our not knowing, we knew all that needed to be known about Sam. It's immediacy. intimate engagement. How it will evoke in this representation of the world. In another place, Dovan quotes what he calls an eminent teacher in India. An eminent teacher in India said, The Himalayas represent Nirvana. Know that this represents, can be represented. What's represented is a matter of personal experience.

[16:24]

What the trucks conjured up for me, maybe I'm the only one in this room, had the image of a line of white mechanical elephants. Slightly intimidating and slightly awesome. What can be represented is a matter of personal experience, a matter of particularity. the representation you have there's something to learn and hopefully by this point in Tsushima we've given up success and failure good and bad progress and falling back

[17:30]

competition with the person on either side or across the room or whoever. And when those notions arise, we just see them as representative of what's brought into being through the workings of consciousness. So Dogen said, and he said, study this. This is a key part of the practice. And I would say to you, at this phase in Shashini, be careful. It's easy to reach out and draw in a solid

[18:36]

world, made solid by the fixed views, the fixed emotions, the fixed attitudes, the fixed patterns of thinking and feeling. But now, after all this sitting, there's this beautiful, wonderful, amazing opportunity to see the representative world. that arises I remember once being at Tassahara and this big bell was starting to be struck and I had this deep feeling oh no back to the torture chamber almost on the verge of despair it's just potential being struck but in that moment that's what stirred up with awareness it becomes this shimmering expression of the moment

[20:06]

without that awareness it reaches out it makes the world solidly that and in that reifying in that making substantial and solid the dance of life is restricted the path of liberation becomes obscure. So at this point in Shishin, in our humble not known, to watch with amazing, with curiosity.

[21:14]

And sometimes it's marvelous inside. So that's what that represents for me. At least that's what it represents for me now, today. And some aspect of the self is illuminated. And it's both deeply intimate and particular to me. And it's just what arises in the moment. Menacing, wrongful, and powerful sign. So what? Should I be ashamed? Should I be proud? What interesting notions.

[22:24]

So at this point in sheet, this kind of study is opening and opening and opening to an important function of consciousness. Non-thinking. directly experiencing that isn't immediately overshadowed by the thoughts, the judgment, and all the other things that will come up. Someone get blasted. Sit. No, no. And as we engage this, we make more sense for ourselves.

[23:46]

What's the arising image as you enter the Zen bill with a pot full of food? A little bit different from What associated memories? As Dogen said, you said, it arises out of past experience, but it's a now experience. It's not just a repeat of the previous experience. And that's the significant qualification. Oh, this is what I did yesterday. Nope. It's not what you did yesterday. It's what you're doing now. It's its own event. And then there's other characteristic.

[24:51]

Sometimes you study the way by taking up more. We look at the array that mind presents. We look at the judgment. We look at the mind that says, well, is he doing it better than me or am I doing it better than him? Competitive mind. Comparative mind. What is better? On one hand, there's the visceral imagery and how it's being shaped as representative of existence. And then there's what's brought in as the contour.

[25:57]

There's what's brought in as the way of connecting the dots, verbalizing it. turning it into a narrative, a story. And again, attending as best we can to the particularity and the details and not taking it so personally. If a competitive thought arises, a competitive thought arises. How amazing that your mind could conjure up a Zen competition. What would the rules of the competition be?

[27:01]

And are there any prizes for the win? persuasive is the competition. And do you declare yourself the winner or do you declare yourself the loser? Or do you just hold your fellow competitor with suspicion and animosity? Had you looked and seen if you offered some of that suspicion and animosity to yourself? So when the solid world, when the world is solid and unchanging, well then you don't have to pay so much attention because the world is solid and unchanging.

[28:12]

serving today is exactly the same as serving yesterday. It's the same pot, it's the same zendo, the same pot wrappers on, the same table you're lifting the foot from. Just go along automatic. Then you can replay the habituated thoughts. And something, I don't know, comes dreamlike dreamlike but when we draw it in for now comes a life we're living in a different world we're living in a different way Sometimes it feels more exciting.

[29:22]

Sometimes it feels more dangerous. Sometimes it feels like, all my love, this is how I want it to be. Someone came here once as a guest. And what he did for a living was he... leap off the very pike cliffs, and then opened up his parachute. He did that professionally. And he said, I love my work, but here's the problem. It's very, very dangerous. I love my work, and I love the way it wakens me up. But I've realized I've got to find a way to wake up. Part of the tragedy was there was an elite group of them did it.

[30:29]

And one of them had just died. Elite group of people who did this leaping off high cliffs and opening their parachute. They did it as a performance. And one of them had just died. So literally, he came here to find a different way to wake up. One that hopefully wouldn't result in a catastrophic death. And he didn't stay so long. Quite a long time ago, I think two or three weeks. And And I asked him, what do you think? And he appreciated the same way. And he said, and for now, I'll return to leaping off a place.

[31:40]

So you can draw your own conclusions on that story. You do remember, he did say, It was highly dangerous. And the interesting thing is, sometimes in the process of self-preservation, entering the moment seems highly dangerous. And to watch for that too. Sometimes, is that if I let myself fully feel that motion, it would cause so much catastrophe, chaos, and disarray in my life. Boy, will it be a mess. The last thing in the world I can do is let myself feel that feeling.

[32:45]

If I stopped behaving like that, boy would it be a mess. Would it really... It would be like jumping off a cliff on a parachute not open. With these representative truths are unseen the authority of them is still there they still assert their claim on reality when they're seen we make more sense to ourselves So that's contributing to why.

[33:54]

I was walking across the street a couple of days ago. Someone was walking down the street. Looked like a lady in her 30s, wearing a black coat, black briefcase. And she noticed me and she turned around started walking back up the street. And I thought, this is suspicious. And then I went up the steps to my apartment. And I think she thought, okay, got rid of him. And she turned around me leaning and started walking back down the street. And I sneaked a little foolish blood-tied her. And she was looking up at me. And she was looking at me. I have absolutely no idea what that meant to people.

[35:02]

Some guy in a long black outfit, he was in a black outfit, represented something that needed to be avoided. I mean, I don't mean to make fun of her behavior, but just to say how amazing the world is. You see something, we declare it to be this. And then we are intimidated by our own declaration. Well, in that case, I'd better walk back up the street. No way do I want to have to walk past that person. So to let this world emerge into awareness.

[36:22]

And by all means, don't insist it makes sense. It does make sense, but not in the rational world according to me. It makes sense in its own way. And whether you can get that or not, don't worry about that either. If for you, There's an imperative to turn on your heel and walk back up the street. So do it. The interesting thing, in this impersonal engagement in the person we are, rather than thinking, okay, well, I'm just endorsing my own insanity, it's quite the opposite. We're trusting the workings of our own being.

[37:34]

Not because we have them figured out. Not because we know we're right. Just in the acceptance of the process of being alive. The process of being alive. process of being a self. Jiji Yuzama, the continual attention to the process of being a self. Mirai Oliver talks about it, according to me, like this, with this poem, this part of the poem, from this book, The Leaf in the Cloud. How many years have you gone through the house shutting the windows while the rain is still five miles away and the plum-colored clouds are veering to the north away from you?

[38:50]

And did you not even know enough to be sorry? Were you glad those silver sheets with an occasional golden staple, or sweeping on elsewhere, violent and electric and uncontrollable. And when you find yourself finally wanting to forget all enclosures, including the enclosure of yourself, a lonely leaf, and when you dash finally frantically to the windows and throw them open, and lean out to the dark silvered sky, to everything that is beyond capture, shouted, I'm here, I'm here, now, now, now, now. For how many years it had gone through the house shutting the windows.

[39:56]

The rain was still five miles away. and plum-colored clouds veering to the north away from you. And did you not even know enough to be siren? Were you glad those silver sheets with occasional golden staple were sweeping on elsewhere, violent and electric and uncontrollable? And will you find yourself finally wanting to forget all enclosures, including the enclosure of yourself, a lonely leap, and will you dash finally, frantically to the windows, and haul them open, and lead night to the dark, silver sky, to everything that has begun capture, shouting, I'm here, I'm here, now, now, now, now. Zenji calls this arousing way-seeking mind arousing the plausibility of entering the moment not because oh well that's what you should do if you're going to be a good Zen student you should be diligently striving to enter the moment

[41:43]

But what if we tweak it? What if we say, something in me wants to be alive, and just as interestingly, something in me knows how to be alive. I was born that way. Allow that to stimulate. Okay then, let me see what this life I call me is about. Let me see how these habits that I so casually allow to define reality and me and my behavior. let me see what they're about let me look at the amazing way some seminal representation of the world keeps bubbling up and presenting itself and let me look at the stories and the emotions

[43:13]

that I draw back up out of desire out of resentment out of fear out of sadness sometimes not knowing why this is a right let me look at all this as a way to throw all Then the windows are the heights of me. This way of arising my seeking mind. you know Dogen Zendi in his writings sometimes they feel like they're they're tight and almost nitpick in their exacting way then sometimes they seem like

[44:50]

Well this guy must be on acid or something. The Himalayas represent nirvana. The Himalayas represent great nirvana. Know that this represents, can be represented. What can be represented is a matter of personal experience in its particularity. Bringing up the Himalayas representing the Himalayas, bringing up great nirvana as representing great nirvana. So I would say, enjoy yourself being yourself.

[45:59]

And the way to do that is, let it rip. Don't turn your practice into, okay, what should I be thinking? What should I be feeling? Well, certainly not that. Of all the things I should be thinking that's one thing I should not... Too late. It's already odd. This permission in some ways this kind of stark acknowledgement it's already happening so try to deny it's happening or I can witness I can experience it I can be it opens up the gate of liberation Dogen Senji says this is the teaching that's been passed by the ancestors this is it

[47:23]

And how do we engage it? By being present, by being now, by watching what conjures up a light of conditioned existence. Me is not the great enemy. In that, we live. We is not the great enemy, but it's certainly not the creator of the absolute truth, we live. It creates its own marvelous moments, marvelous in the particularity Where did the gleaming white metal elephants go?

[48:36]

I don't know. Where did the gleaming white elephants go? With their deep, robbing, menacing sides. And now this. Like this, we continue our practice. Where is it going? We don't know. What will happen next? We don't know. Even in the midst of submitting ourselves to a schedule that appears printed on the board, still, how it will all take shape in our own inner workings, how we will imbue it with relevance to being alive.

[49:41]

All we can do is watch in life. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[50:16]

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