Good morning. As most of you know, the past three weeks we've been having a three-week meditation retreat, and for the last week, five days actually, we had a sasheen in which we mostly didn't talk. I mean, we didn't talk. We were really good at that, we didn't talk. So, I find it a little bit peculiar to say something, but, you know, saying something

[01:02]

is a way of being with you, so I'll say something, but, you know, it's really not necessary. We sat somebody, we had a group at the end of the five-day sasheen, it was a transition group so that we could begin talking, and the group I was in, I'm sure all of them were like this, but the group I was in was particularly, I thought, it was wonderful because people said things, there was wisdom that came out of that group that was more than any one of us, I think, could have managed alone, and it was a beautiful, it was like all the facets of the jewel, you know, each one, each particular jewel gave their self. It was beautiful to see, very sparkly.

[02:04]

And one of the people there said that we had sat a hundred and forty-eight periods of sasan, the whole thing, uh-huh, so, you know, what's the point? Well, because it's Soto Zen Buddhism, I'll say that there isn't a point, you know, we're taught in this very peculiar lineage of non-duality that sasan is just useless because it's gainless, because if you have gain right away, there's, you know, duality, so it's kind of like art or play, you know, when's the last time you guys played? I mean, really, we should have more play, we should write it into the schedule, from

[03:15]

five to six, play, you'd be stumped, but don't you remember what it was like when you were a kid, you actually played, there was no purpose to jacks or double-dutch or stickball or, you know, fishing for quarters in the sewer or whatever. Kids do that in New York, that's where I grew up, right? And as a matter of fact, what? Yeah, that feeling of tar, you know, that tar smell, do you have that tar smell up on the roof? Now, what were you guys doing up in the room? We didn't talk, we didn't talk. No talking? And of course, there is something to, it's like Suzuki Roshi said, you know, we're perfect

[04:19]

just the way we are, and he meant it, completely. Because he saw Buddha fields all over, Buddha fields, but then he said, dot, dot, dot, you know, and we could use a little improvement. Human beings are, just between you and me, dangerously insane. I was just talking with somebody the other day, saying how successful the small self is at the purpose of this, like, I'm sorry to use the word small self, because small self is also big mind, but the small self's job is to discriminate so that it makes sure that this body survives so that it can procreate. And you thought something else was going on?

[05:22]

No, we're just at the, we are, you know, here to keep life going as human beings, and we're so successful at it, and so stupid, that we're going to actually undermine our life support system by our own, you know, success, based on greed. This Saphu is so soft. Where'd you get this Saphu? This is not the one I usually sit on. But talk about greed. See, in our world, when it's reduced to very little, this is the stuff you really want, you know, you want this particular Saphu. So, we did this three-week intensive, and I wanted to take a little bit of time to thank

[06:32]

everybody. Everybody, first of all, in the greater Sangha who came and helped out, and a number of you did in the kitchen and various other things. Thank you very much. And the people on staff who organized the whole thing, particularly my, I don't know what I would do without David, who helped organize and set up the rooms and did a mail list, and the Ino who continued to work throughout, and who got applause at the end, that was great, and the work leader who did a fabulously good job, and of course the kitchen, and Blanche who took the burden of responsibility for the teaching and setting a tone for the intensive, which was a lovely tone. And everyone I haven't named, I'm sorry if I forgot people.

[07:36]

And one day during the intensive, this kind of welling up of gratitude happened, and I went to Blanche and I asked her, well, where did this useless teaching come to us? Where did it come from? And of course, first and foremost it came from the Buddha. And, you know, at one point during our, instead of service every day we did bows, ten minutes of bowing, it's a lot of bowing. And at one point I was just bowing and then I just kind of flipped over to, yes, you know, usually when I bow it's more like just bowing, but at one point I kind of flipped over and I thought to myself, no, I really want to bow to Buddha, to this human being, Shakyamuni, you know, Buddha, Gautama Buddha, Siddhartha Buddha, who did this wonderful thing for us.

[08:47]

He clarified, he clarified and deepened his life. He stood up as a human being, a mature human being. What is this life? And what he awoke to was, he awoke to that his personal life, the life that I call my life, he found my life is actually the life of everything altogether. His life is the life of everything. Our life, my own individual life, is my life. And at this very same time it's the life of everything happening altogether, one life. We're all living one life. And how to understand that life or how to practice that understanding came down to us

[09:49]

in many different ways, many different lineages, lots of different styles. Okay. And our particular style is Soto Zen. It comes from Sosan and Tozan, so it should be Toso Zen, Toso Zen, Toso Zen, but it's actually, why is it Soto? It should be Toso Zen. We're the Toso Zen school. Tosan is named after the mountain? Sosan is also named after the mountain? No. By that time, he was the one who got the name Toso Zen.

[11:00]

Oh, oh, oh. Already corrupt. So we're part of this Soto lineage and I thought I would read to you a taste, a little taste, of our school. Our school is basically non-dualistic. It's based on the truth, the understanding that there is just this one life beyond birth and death, enlightenment, not-enlightenment, gain and loss, and so on and so on. Although there are all of these things, this is like the two truths. I'm sorry to be so intellectual right now, but anyway, two truths, ultimate truth, conventional truth. Conventional truth is dualistic. Ultimate truth is non-dualistic.

[12:02]

But even this way of looking at it is dualistic. So beyond dualistic is just to sit and be life, and be life with everything. So in other words, you study the sense of separation or the self-reflecting mind so well that you forget that. You don't bother, not bothered by the concept of me, and you live in the world from the heart. You know, during Seshin, somebody, I want to say this nicely, but somebody left encouraging little stickums around the Zendo, and first what I want to say is, no, no, no, no. Now, even if they're encouraging, we don't leave anything on anybody's place in the Zendo because that little place should be inviolable, safe.

[13:03]

You don't know what that person is going through. And, bye Joanne. Bye, buddy. You don't know what that person is going through. So, you know, sometimes at Tassajara, at the end of Seshin, there are little gumdrops, you know, on everybody's seat, or sometimes, like, somebody left flowers on people's seats. I mean, it's a lovely gesture, but we don't do it. But anyway, two of these notes were really wonderful. And the first one, I kept it by my seat quite a bit. The first one was, a number of you could actually tell me because I'm sure you got the same note. Body like a mountain. That's true. Breath like the wind. Mind like the sky. It was fabulous. Note, because that's what was there. Body like a mountain. And everybody in the Zendo is just plunk.

[14:04]

Especially because it was silent Seshin, you know. Plunk. Breath like the wind, you know. Not even your breath. Just breath. Just breath. Mind like the sky, you know. Just with little... I'm never going to get to all these books. That's always what happens. All right, let's get back here. So, our school is beyond duality. So, even if there is a sense of, well, whatever, whatever the experience, we're encouraged to return it to life. Return to life. Return to silence over and over again as your life arises out of everything. And then you just meet whatever it is with whatever your truth is. You meet whatever that is in intimacy.

[15:06]

We witness each other as life itself happening. You know, and... Some people, you know, can... Some people... What can I say? To be with some people, like Suzuki Roshi, Katagiri Roshi, or whomever, to be with that person, you can have a sense of that stability. You can have a sense of that non-dual approach to life. So, for me, always the biggest teaching was actually just simply being with these people. And how they did their... how they lived their life was always the biggest teaching. I didn't need words, but it was always helpful to me because whenever I was with them, my small self, the jabbering of the small...

[16:08]

Like, especially if you had Dogosan, I'm sure everybody had the same experience. I used to go to Dogosan with Suzuki Roshi, and I would bring him my problems, which were real for me, you know, and we would talk a little bit, and for some reason or another they just didn't seem that, you know, grotesque. They just seemed, in his sky mind, my little problems just didn't seem as important as they were, you know. So being in the presence of someone with that kind of presence is very helpful to everyone, even though, you know, Suzuki Roshi didn't see necessarily distinctions of not awake and awake, although there are. Is this making sense to people? So, here's our lineage. So, Tozon and Sozon, and then I'm going to skip a lot because what I really want to get to...

[17:12]

What I really want to say is, the people... I have had a taste of Soto-Zen from Suzuki Roshi, and Katagiri Roshi, and Okamura... Uchiyama through Okamura, who lives here. I'm fond of this lineage. I'm just happy to be here with these people. Who they were and the way they practiced, for me, is a wonderful thing. So I wanted to read for you a taste of those people going back to... Well, let me read this to you. The thing that I like so much about it is that there are four main lines of Soto-Zen that are now in existence, and three of those lines are related, and the people who I appreciate are related. They're related.

[18:13]

So, Katagiri Roshi, Suzuki Roshi, and Uchiyama Roshi. Uchiyama Roshi is the book, Opening the Hand of Thought, and Katagiri Roshi is Returning to Silence, that book, and Suzuki Roshi mainly is in my Beginner's Mind book, those books. They're actually related by their teachers. I don't have to keep saying these names because you're not going to remember them anyway. Anyway, right on top of Uchiyama Roshi is Sawaki Kodo Roshi, and on top of Katagiri Roshi, whose Dharma brother is Eko Narasaki Roshi, also a wonderful teacher, is Oka Sotan, and right above Suzuki Roshi is Kichizawa Ian. And all of those people are related to Nichiyara Bokusan through Oka Sotan. Now, you're not going to remember any of this, it doesn't matter, but what is interesting to me is that the taste of Soto-Zen

[19:17]

is similar in all of these lineages that we, that have touched our practice, have touched our practice. So, in gratitude for their practice, and in gratitude for their reaching back all the way to Shakyamuni Buddha, I thought I would just read a little bit of their way before it gets way too late. So, here's, what should I read first? Oh, here's Tozan's poem. This poem you'll recognize because we say it a lot, but this is his understanding that his life is the life of everything. Remember, he's walking across a bridge, and when he left his teacher, his teacher said,

[20:20]

just this is it. He was walking, he didn't understand, and he was walking across the bridge, and he saw his reflection in the stream, and this is his poem. Long seeking it through others, I was far from reaching it. Now I go by myself, I meet it everywhere. It is just I myself, and I am not it. Understanding, in this way, I can be as I am. It's a taste. There's another taste. This is from Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. True mind is watching mind. You cannot say, this is myself, my small mind, or my limited mind, and that is big mind.

[21:21]

That is limiting yourself, restricting your true mind, objectifying your mind. Bodhidharma said, in order to see a fish, you must watch the water. Actually, when you see water, you see the true fish. Before you see Buddha nature, you watch your mind. When you see the water, there is true nature. True nature is watching water. When you say, my zazen is very poor, here you have true nature, but foolishly you don't realize it. You ignore it on purpose. There is immense importance in the I with which you watch your mind. That I is not the big I. It is the I which is incessantly active, always swimming, always flying through the vast air with wings. By wings I mean thought and activity. The vast sky is home, my home. There is no bird or air. When the fish swims, water and fish are the fish. There is nothing but fish.

[22:24]

Do you understand? This is kind of neat. Although you do not know your own mind, it is there at the very moment you see something. It is there. This is very interesting. Your mind is always with the things you observe. So you see, this mind is at the same time everything. Karikiri. Don't forget the dot, dot, dot. Do you know what I mean? But we could use a little improvement. Don't forget the dot, dot, dot.

[23:26]

The main point of Dogen Zenji's teaching is that zazen is just to become present in the process of zazen itself. This is just sitting. It is to focus on the process. The process is you. To walk in stillness, stability means to just walk. To just walk is to be present in the process itself. The process of walking is exactly that our body and mind are nothing but the process. There is no gap between us and the process. Basically, we are peaceful and harmonious. In other words, our life is just a continuation of living. That is all. Being living constantly. The truth of living is just to live. In Soto Zen Buddhism, communication is life to life,

[24:41]

living to living. That is what we have to learn from a teacher. Teachings have no form because they are energy. Real communication is the direct demonstration of how to live. And this is Uchiyama and Koto Roshi. If you think that the delusion of an ordinary person is bad and the enlightenment of Buddha is good, you are looking from a particular point of view. To stop looking from any point of view is zazen. Because all conditioned things are impermanent,

[25:42]

Buddha gave up the life of loss and gain and walked the way beyond loss and gain. The way beyond loss and gain is the life of the stable self that exists before splitting into subject and object. Whatever your circumstances, only when you accept them unconditionally and live the self that is firmly established in the self can you manifest the absolute stability of the religious life. This is to study the self, to forget the self. He taught zazen as stability in life, as the ultimate expression of the Buddhadharma beyond subject and object, birth and death, delusion and enlightenment. You know, this practice is really difficult. The problem with it is that we can misinterpret what I am saying as kind of being lazy.

[26:42]

And that's not what they are saying. They can only say this from a point of view of really understanding beyond duality. But while we are still living in duality, there actually is something that we must do and it takes a great deal of effort and an extreme amount of courage. And it's not easy. And it's a choice that we make all the time. I think that Soto Zen teaches us in this way because human beings, we are so caught in this, you know, running, running, running, doing, doing, doing, gain, gain, gain, bye, bye, bye, happy, happy, happy, you know, me, me, me, that Soto Zen just cuts through all of it. But the problem with it is that we could get lazy

[27:47]

and it's a real problem. It's completely our responsibility to wake up, completely our responsibility to make our life alive, to become mature, awake human beings so that we can live in the world from the heart, connected with everything. So, I'm going to end. I wanted to read a little bit of Nityarabhikasan, but instead I'm going to read Keats that I didn't read the last time. And the reason why I want to read Keats that I didn't read the last time is because play, play, because we should play more, we should do more art, we should do sports and music and poetry

[28:48]

and jacks and stamp collecting, thank you, and whatever else makes useless activity, just like Zazen, totally useless, completely beyond understanding, just life, you know, just double dutch. So I'm going to read this just because. And this is kind of heretical because I'm not going to read the whole poem, so I apologize. I'm just going to read the beginning and the last verse of two of them. The first one is an ode to a nightingale and the other one is going to be an ode to a Grecian urn. And I'm just going to read, I apologize, Ron, the first and last verses.

[29:48]

Thank you. How many people have heard a nightingale sing? Good. How many people have heard a mockingbird? There. Okay. How many people are bird watchers? Okay. This is Ode to a Nightingale. My heart aches and a drowsy numbness. This young man died at 26 years old. There's so many, you know, great people died so young. It's such a loss. My heart aches and a drowsy numbness pains my sense as though a hemlock I had drunk or emptied some dull opiate to the drains one minute past and leaf words had sunk. Tis not through envy of thy happy lot

[30:54]

but being too happy in thine happiness that thou light-winged dryad of the trees in some melodious plot of beech and green and shadows numberless singest of summer in full-throated ease. I'm going to read the last two. Thou wast not born for death, immortal bird. No hungry generations tread thee down. The voice I hear this passing night was heard in ancient days by emperor and clown. Perhaps the selfsame song that found a path through the sad heart of Ruth when, sick for home, she stood in tears amid the alien corn, the same that oft times hath charmed magic casements opening on the foam of perilous seas in fairy lands forlorn.

[31:56]

Forlorn. The very word is like a bell to toll me back from thee to my soul self. A Jew the fancy cannot cheat so well as she is famed to do, deceiving elf. Adieu, adieu. Thy plaintive anthem fades past the near meadows over the still stream up the hillside and now tis buried deep in the next valley glades. Was it a vision or a waking dream? Fled is that music. Do I wake or sleep? And I'll read the first and last of Ode to a Grecian Urn. Thou still unravished bride of quietness He's, you know, an urn.

[32:57]

He's, he's, there's a poem about an urn. What? Thou still unravished bride... You know, it's an urn. You know what I'm talking about? It's an urn and it has Greek... You know, people painted it. You know that, okay. Thou still unravished bride of quietness Thou foster child of silence and slow time sylvan historian who canst thus express a flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme What leaf-fringed legend haunts about thy shape of deities or mortals or of both What men or gods are these? What maidens' loath? What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape? What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy? O attic shape, fair attitude

[33:59]

With breed of marble men and maidens overwrought With forest branches and the trodden weed Thou, silent form dost tease us out of thought as doth eternity, cold pastoral When old age shall this generation waste Thou shalt remain in midst of other woe than ours A friend to people, to whom thou sayest Beauty is truth, truth beauty That is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know So I hope that you spend the rest of the day playing something, somewhere and enjoy this life connected with everything

[35:00]

that we miraculously have It's unspeakably what, you know Truly, silence is the closest we get It's unspeakably what, you know Truly, silence is the closest we get

[35:26]

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