Good evening. So you probably remember last week that I mentioned the idea of whoever would like to offering a brief way-seeking mind talk to our group. And I think most of you said you would like to. I saw a lot of thumbs go up. So I hope that's something that a couple of you might want to do today. So I thought what I would do is first to give you some commentary on the bendawa. practice of the wholehearted endeavoring of the way, practice of the way and then ask a couple of you if you would to come forward and tell us something about you like where you're from in terms of location and then the other kind of where you're from in terms of Dharma practice like how you came to Zen and what brought you here and perhaps a little bit about where you started your practice, and anyway, whatever you think might be, well, it'll all be interesting, so I wouldn't say pick out interesting things, but whatever you have to offer, you'd like to share it with you, it would be great.

[01:25]

So, first of all, the bendowa. So last week I shared with you some of the commentary by Shohaku Okamura Roshi. And including his translation of the characters that make up Bendo Wa. So the Ben, first character, is effort. And then the second one, Do, Bendo, is way, as in the way, the wayfaring, in the case of our practice, understanding of practice. And then the last character is Wa, which is a story or a talk. So Bendo Wa. a story about the effort in practicing the way or endeavoring to practice the way. And I talked about Dogen's teaching of the path, you know, the Do, Bendo, as a circle rather than as a line. So that right there is an interesting thing for us to feel our way to, you know, the practice is a circular. It's not a goal orientation.

[02:26]

And Dogen's very much not about goal orientation. He's about... looking at the world from enlightened perspective, which, according to the Dharma, is how you see the world, is from this awakened vantage point. Each of us has our own unique vantage point on the universe and that we are awake. However, we get a little confused. Our interpretations of what we're seeing are where we get off on these very odd little... digressions of various kinds having to do with our sense of ourselves and how we identify ourselves and what we think of others and what we name things and our training. All of that is sort of like a net, like a hair net that gets in front of our view, our more clear view. And the clear view is for the purpose of looking at the net. I mean, that's really what the virtue of these two senses that there's delusional beings, sentient beings, and there's Buddhas. And that's what we are.

[03:27]

We're a combination of these two things. And the awakened part of ourselves is able to look at and understand and discern the confusion or the delusional part of ourselves and begin to kind of orient ourselves with a little more clarity and not falling into buying whatever it is that we're thinking. Like, maybe not. Maybe not. A little more skepticism. Not cynicism, but skepticism. Really being curious, deeply curious, and questioning just about everything, which is very much a part of how we practice Zen. We get questioned and we get to question others. So in the circle of Dogen's teaching, each moment includes the arising of the thought of enlightenment, the bodhicitta, the thought of awakening, and each moment includes awareness, And each moment includes liberation. So it's like, I would say thinking of a moment as sort of like something on your second hand is probably not the kind of moment that we're going to get much use out of.

[04:33]

I think the moment that would be more helpful in considering how this circle of the way would be a moment that includes the rising of the entire universe. You know, it's a big moment. It's a very big moment. There's no clock that can possibly measure such a moment. And so within that moment, meaning in the present, and the present is vast and spacious and includes everything, so a moment of that is a moment of the thought of enlightenment, awakening, and liberation. Round and round again. So each moment of practice is perfect, and at the same time has a direction. And the direction for us is toward... something we call buddhahood, or awakening, based on our having taken the bodhisattva vow, to live for the benefit of others. So that vow is like an orientation, that you basically have aligned yourself with that vow, and it's multi-directional, it works in any way you're facing, you know, up or down or sideways, or whatever way you're facing, that vow has the direction of living for the benefit of others.

[05:45]

So it's all purpose, It's multidirectional, and it's always happening. In every moment, there's this wish. So for Dogen, then, this circle of practice is beginningless and it's endless, as is the universe itself. So it arises moment to moment through a process of what Dogen calls imperceptible mutual assistance. Imperceptible mutual assistance. So everything's helping everything else. There's nothing hanging outside of the universe, looking in. No such thing. None of us are separate from this entire moment that's arising. And yet it's imperceptible. It doesn't allow us. We can't perceive the whole. We can't perceive the arising of the present moment or the vastness of the universe. We just get a little tiny sliver. Each of us gets a little sliver of the pie.

[06:46]

And within that sliver, our role is as an assistant to everything else, and everything else is assisting us. And the more we see how much we benefit from the assistance, this mutual assistance, that everything's helping us. You know, how the plants are helping us and the waters and the sky and the warmth of the sun and other people and so on and so forth. How all things are helping us to, right now, to live. You know, this mutual assistance, the more we appreciate that, the more we want to participate and actually offer our best shot at being of help to others. So this awakened self, awakening, and then being awakened... by others and awakening others. That's the circle. Awakening, benefiting, awakening others, benefiting others, and so on. Round and round. I was thinking about this and for some reason what came to mind was making popcorn. You know, like first just one kernel. You wait for a while and then one kernel goes pop, you know, and then after a while there's a few more and then pretty soon the whole pot is just popping away, right?

[07:55]

It's a rattling with the popping corn. So that's kind of like imperceptible mutual assistance is going on in that pot there. And then Dogen says a little differently. He's in the Bandawa. He says, the concentrated effort I'm speaking of allows all things to come forth. in enlightenment. Concentrated effort. Effort's a big thing for Doga, and it's really almost like the thing, is that you're effort, you're endeavoring, you're putting all you've got, you know, this bend, this great effort. that you make. In each thing that you're doing, you're not just kind of hanging out or holding back or, yeah, well, maybe. It's not a kind of a maybe feeling with Dogen. It's very much a yes, a forward movement, a forward engagement, and not necessarily knowing what you're doing or knowing where you're going or how, and certainly not knowing the outcome of your actions, but that there's a wholeheartedness to what you're doing, you know, to meet the world with that wholehearted enthusiasm.

[08:57]

and willingness and curiosity, all of those things. So he says, the concentrated effort I'm speaking of allows all things to come forth in enlightenment and to practice all inclusiveness with detachment. All inclusiveness with detachment. So you get to have everything, but you don't get to take it home. You know, it doesn't belong to you. You belong to it. Everything is already there for you. It's already given to us. Our life is given to us. Jerry was talking about that this morning. This gift of life. We didn't make it happen. And somehow here we are. And so how do we take care and show our gratitude for this gift that's come to us? This brief time we have to look around and to appreciate what it is to be alive and to other living beings, their lives as precious as our own. So Dungen then says, passing through the barrier and dropping off limitations, how could you be hindered by nodes in bamboo or by knots in wood?

[10:02]

Passing through the barrier and dropping off limitations, how could you be hindered by nodes in bamboo or knots in wood? So the nodes in bamboo and the knots... and would are a metaphor for complex theories or entangled conceptualizations, you know, the kind we really like, you know, the very, like, well, here's a problem to solve. I don't know if any of you saw Oppenheimer yet. It's a must-see for many reasons. But one of the things you see these people doing is just writing these formulas. It's totally, like, unbelievable writing these formulas, you know, describing, well, explosions for one thing. splitting atoms and how to do something this remarkable, this feat that they were so happy to have pulled off and yet. So to not be hindered by complex theories and entangled in conceptualizations, how to cut loose, cut free, cut ourselves free from the twining vines of mental complexity.

[11:12]

And then Dogen says that, so how to plug into a realization of imperceptible mutual assistance of the universe is by expressing the Buddha's seal in the three actions of our body, speech, and mind. How do you do that? What are the three actions of body, speech, and mind that express the Buddha's seal? Sitting Zazen. That's always going to get that from Dogen. Upright sitting. Upright sitting. And it's a really interesting question for us, I think, because, you know, I didn't really question it that much. I came to Zen Center and I was told that's what we do here. So it's like, you want to come here? Then there's the Zendo and there's your Zafu and here's how you do this. And then we'll see you at 5 o'clock in the morning because that's when we sit. So there wasn't really – no one actually said, would you like to do that or is that? Yeah, no, that's the schedule. And if you want to be in this place and you want to learn what's going on here, then you'll be doing a lot of upright sitting.

[12:13]

And for sure, I have done a lot of upright sitting, as have all of us who've spent time here in the Zen, at the Zen watering hole. So by expressing the Buddhist seal and the three actions of our body, speech, and mind, by sitting upright in samadhi, at which time the whole phenomenal world becomes the Buddha's seal and the entire sky turns into enlightenment. So this is a big claim that Dogen makes about Zazen, that each person's Zazen is beyond measure. And each person sitting there, because there's no separation between an individual and the rest of the universe, that the entire universe is sitting upright. That's how we express our understanding of the Buddha's insight, is by sitting upright as is... The Buddha did. He sat upright under a tree. It seems so simple. That can't be it. Well, apparently that's very much it. And how simple and how easy and how come we don't get around to it?

[13:14]

What is it that keeps us from this one thing that fully expresses our whole life and it fully expresses our connection to the universe? The mudra we use when we're sitting is called the cosmic mudra. The way we hold our hands in sitting. And the understanding there is that your hands are located just about at your navel, the place of your connection. Before you came out of your mother's womb, you were connected at this little hole there. We all got one of those in the middle of our belly. And so we hold our hands in honoring that connection, which never really ended. Even though we ended our time in our mother's body, that cord was cut. to imagine, a cord was cut and then we were given this big gulp of air and our next connection was to this universe itself. So the cosmic mudra represents or it expresses, it enacts this connection to the universe.

[14:16]

Right through that, there's still this invisible umbilical cord that's connecting us to all things. So that's upright samadhi. sitting in samadhi. Okumara Rashi quotes his own teacher, Uchiyama, saying that a bodhisattva is simply an ordinary person who has a direction toward Buddha. An ordinary person who has a direction toward Buddha, who's facing toward Buddha, whatever way that means, you know, whatever that means to be facing, to be thinking about it, to be looking at it, to be noticing how everything is in, you know, whatever it means to have the direction toward awakening. And the direction, is is is uh enacted by this vow you know that's the vow not to become buddha but to be buddha you know to recognize to have faith that you're already that you know that you already awake that this is it this is your awakening this is your big shot you know uh this time to be alive is to be awake that's our primary teaching

[15:23]

So perhaps the most important thing for us as sincere practitioners of the vow to be Buddha is having faith in the way. Bendowa. Having great faith and endeavoring in the way. And given that the way is perfect and all-pervading, as Dogen taught us in the Phukans of Zengi, it's something we naturally could do. We naturally are in that way. We are the way and we're in the way. And we belong in the way. And knowing that... you know, believing that, having faith in that, is what makes it come to life, you know, as us, through us. So as we say to the new bodhisattvas during the precept ceremony, it's in faith that we are Buddha, that we enter Buddha's way. It's very powerful. Every time I hear that spoken in the ceremony, or I've said it in the ceremony when I've offered precepts, It just really stands out. In faith that we are Buddha, we enter Buddha's way. It's just amazing.

[16:35]

Just amazing and powerful and important. Okamura Roshi then adds, although we are already in the way, we are deluded, and so we miss the way. We're already in it, but we're deluded, and so we miss it. And it is strange, but that is reality. And because of this, our practice and our vow is endless. Because we forget, because we're deluded, we continuously reassert our effort to be awake and to work through these delusions, to recognize what they are, how they arise, and how we can actually... work within the structure of our delusional thinking to bring benefit to ourselves and to others. Delusions are not completely useless. I mean, they're actually very helpful. A lot of the things that we're deluded about make great chefs and great engineers and all kinds of great things. Rockets to the moon, there's all kinds of stuff that we can do because of our way of seeing the world and constructing things, making things out of sticks and

[17:42]

rocks and twine and metal and so on. You know, we're very clever monkeys. So, you know, we have this endless capacity within delusion, throughout delusion, and within the delusion, there's this awakened context. You know, delusion is in the context of awakening and it can be of great service. It's not useless. It just needs to be practiced. We need to practice with delusion so that we understand how to be harmed, not to be harming, others. That's certainly the most important thing. Do no harm. And then the side of that is as we're protecting others from harm, we're also bringing whatever service or whatever value we can to support their lives. And of course our own. It's mutual assistance. Imperceptible mutual assistance. And yet if we practice knowing our delusions are endless, just like our vows endless, then each activity each practice we do, moment by moment, is the perfect manifestation of the Buddha way.

[18:46]

So again, this is Shoha Gokumura saying, if we know this, that each activity, each practice we do, it includes these delusions, which are endless. So it's really important not to imagine you're going to get rid of them. And I think that's one of the mistakes, very common errors, that certainly I have held for many, many, probably decades. And I am... really convinced is an incorrect understanding, is that you can get these things to back off. You can get rid of them. Maybe you can actually eliminate them. You could function very nicely without your delusions. But I'm more and more sure that that's not the point at all. In fact, that's not even possible. That what we're really called on to do is to see them for what they are, to know what they are, to not be fooled by them. So in doing that, in including delusions in our understanding of the totality, the all-inclusive nature of reality, of course includes delusions.

[19:48]

It would have to, right? Then moment to moment, that is the perfect manifestation of the Buddha way. And Okamura then says that this is my understanding of the Mendoa, that being in the Buddha way, right? So it's a circle. It's the circle of the way. It's endless. So Okumar Roshi then writes that the first sentence of Bendawa is one of Dogen Zenji's most important statements. And it reads, All Buddha Tathagatas together have been simply transmitting wondrous Dharma and actualizing Anyuttara Samyak Sambodhi, full, complete, perfect enlightenment, for which there is an unsurpassable, unfabricated, wondrous method. The wondrous Dharma, which has been transmitted, only from Buddha to Buddha, without deviation, has as its criterion jijuyu zanmai. It's a self-receiving, self-employing samadhi. So I was just asking Reb the other day, I said, this jijuyu zanmai, you know, I want to kind of try to clarify this in my own thinking.

[20:54]

So there's this term tathagata, which I hope you've heard, if not, tathagata, meaning thus come, thus gone. So that's the epithet for the Buddha. He's the Tathagata, the one who neither comes nor goes, is neither here nor not here. It's this one that's sort of in between any kind of dualistic notion you could have about presence or location or time, any of these other constructs, human constructs. That presence, that present in the present moment, neither coming nor going, is Tathagata. Well, that's DGU's Amai. Self-receiving. In the moment, self-employed. Things are coming and going at the same time. You're receiving your life and you're extending yourself at the same time. They're basically kind of like one inhalation, exhalation, coming and going in each moment. You receive life and you extend your life for the benefit of others. So this statement by Dogen is the basis of our practice.

[22:01]

Of this paragraph I just read, Okamura Roshi pulls out this statement, from this statement, a couple of words. He pulls out tanden, which means transmission, and along with that, with what the Buddhas are transmitting. So there's transmission. This is a word I know we've talked about a little bit. I probably brought it up when I was doing Dharma transmission with Hakusho. in July. So this transmission of what's being transmitted, everyone wants to know, did she give you something or did you get something? And he and I would kind of laugh about that. Did I give you something? Did you get something? There's sort of this ineffable mutual assistance. That was clear. I feel like what we really did come to know in being together for that month. was this imperceptible mutual assistance. I felt cared for by the process, he felt cared for, and the whole sangha felt cared for. People are still telling me how special it was to have this going on here in our community, this transmission, even though none of us can say what it is or say what was transmitted.

[23:07]

So Dogen says, what's transmitted is this wondrous dharma. In Japanese, the word is myoho, myoho, which means a number of things. Myoho means strange, curious, ungraspable by the intellect. It also means excellent, wonderful, and beyond human creativity. So it's not fabricated. It's not something that humans make. It's something that we transmit to one another. It's this mystery, this great mystery, you know. Strange, curious. Or another word, weird. Myoho is weird. This kind of weirdness, strangeness. And that's what's already here. It's nothing humans can create because it's our inheritance. It is our life. It's kind of weird. It's kind of strange. How did this happen? We can't grasp it intellectually. And it's wonderful. And it's excellent. And it's all kinds of things. At times it's frightening and overwhelming.

[24:09]

So all of that, all of that is myoho. The myoho is what's transmitted from one person to another. So all we can really say in response to Mioho is, wow, or wow, or amazing, or wonderful, or thank you. This feeling of gratitude when we are able to set aside that net of conflictual thinking or worried thinking and anxiety and so on that we all know very well. When that just drops away for a while, there's just this amazement at spring flowers. and the rain that will be coming soon. Just the moon. I was doing the full moon ceremony this last week. I was asked to step in because our abbot was not well. So I did. And then as I got up to the altar to do the ceremony, the last thing that the doshi, the person leading the ceremony, does is this little chant that...

[25:14]

either depending on whether it's a new moon or a full moon, you say thus on this full moon night or thus on this new moon night. So it's helpful to know which it is. And then I realized as I got up to the altar, I had no idea because it's been so foggy here for so long. I haven't seen the moon. I don't know what it's doing right now. Is it full? Is it new? Is it there? So I was kind of amused. By that, I thought of asking someone, and I thought, no, why don't you just guess? Make a good guess. When's the last time you saw the moon? And so I guessed we were at the new moon, and I guessed correctly that it was not the full moon. So how amazing. How wonderful. So this is our life. We can't get it, and we can't get rid of it. It's just our life. And it happens in so many different ways all the time right now. It's happening again and again and again.

[26:15]

So the life that we have that's created by our karma, that's our great life. Myoho is the great life we all share. There's this other life we each have that's kind of like golem with a ring, my life. There's this little kind of contraction around my life, my stuff, my feelings, my ego. So that's the one that's created by our karma. by our actions and by our experiences that we've had from our birth. And then before our birth, you know, we're still hooked in to our mom way back then. And that's the world of our individuality. So this is not Mioho. That's not Mioho. Although Mioho includes the human world and its inventions, which for the most part are delusions, at the same time, Mioho is the greater sense. It's the liberation of that... possessive self, that self that's so contracted by fear and anxiety and insecurity.

[27:17]

It's the liberation of that. So you need one of those in order to get a liberation. You can't have liberation without that contraction, without that karmic being. So Buddha is a common response to suffering beings. That's why they arrive. They arrive because we're confused. So that aspect of the universe comes running toward us. in our delusions, that bodhisattva vow. That's why the Buddhas come, because they want to help. They want to be of help. And that's why the Buddha within us is arising and wanting to help us to find our way out of this kind of labyrinth of our mental confusion. So our practice is not to eliminate our delusions, but to see or become aware of the fact that we are deluded. That's kind of a big ask for of a human being. I think most people would say I'd rather not. Thank you. I'm just perfectly happy to go on the way I am, even though I can see that there's some shortcomings.

[28:21]

But I'd really rather not consider that a great deal of what I've thought my entire life is delusional. So that's the kind of jumping off the 100-foot pole. You can study the Dharma for quite a long time without taking risks because it's very comforting. A lot of it is very comforting. Compassion and generosity and all of those sweet words that we use. It's very comforting to be in the camp here with all these Buddhists. I'll talk like that. But at some point there's like this jump, this leap away from all the things that we've held to be so, to be true. to be willing to be a skeptic about ourselves and our stories and so on. So just to become aware, that's enough. You don't have to go back over the old material. It's fine to leave it in the files. It's not going to hurt you anymore.

[29:24]

It's just old stuff, the old memories. So even those, as we become aware of them, we just let them go. Watch them go is more to the point. Just drop. Drop. It's like rain. Just drop. and drop, drop, drop it again, drop it again. Watch it drop, watch it go. When we're slowed down, when we're sitting upright, practicing and self-fulfilling sabadhi, that opportunity is so much better. It's a better vantage point for watching the mind and watching the coming and going of thought. and of emotions, the feelings. You know, they aren't permanent. I mean, I think we know that, but to actually know that, because you see it, you can see them just dropping away, it's very encouraging. Well, I think it's very encouraging. You know, that nothing will last. Nothing lasts. Nothing lasts forever.

[30:24]

That's the good news. It's also kind of the bad news. You know, I mean, everything has two sides. The bad news is things we love don't last forever. Good news is things we hate don't last forever. So, you know, we get a little of each. But at the same time, what's encouraging is that these are the facts of life. That's what we don't want to run away from. I think I've said many times that what the Buddha ran away from, what he was afraid of when he was a young man, were the facts of life. He found out that he was going to grow old, sick, and die. And that was just intolerable. I mean, that this... good-looking, young, strong prince was subject to the same kinds of degradation that every other living thing is subject to. It's going to begin to dissolve. And as we all know, as various parts of ourselves are beginning to shift, our hearing, our eyesight, our muscle strength, all kinds of stuff is clearly beginning to shift.

[31:29]

around in there you know there's new new little things show up almost every day oh where'd that come from you know i never had a pain in my right foot right like that before so i said we don't know this great mystery how this all is changing but there it is it's changing it's a fact of life constant change some of its Okay, some of it seems not okay, but either way, sitting upright, practicing self-fulfilling samadhi is the acceptance of the facts of life, and including the joy, the great joy there is in having come to life in the first place. Being real boys and real girls, like Pinocchio finally realized at the end of his journey, he was a real boy after all. So our delusions arise from the fact that we can only see reality from our tiny little point of view. That's where delusions come from. We only see that little slice of the universe. It's like we're looking at everything through a straw of our own perceptions.

[32:32]

And so each of us has a different and a unique answer to that question, you know, where are we from? each one of us. And it's going to be interesting, right? Because where are you from? What an interesting question. And we answer, in fact, I answer differently every time I'm asked that question. It's, I don't know, something else comes to mind about where I'm from or where I'm at now. What's going on with me? I mean, that's a big Dharma question. Whenever I go in to see my teacher, I usually, almost always, since early on, when I used to try to plan out my questions and make sure I had a thought I had a good question. I didn't want to go in there without a question. And then I realized that it's just not working very well to have these canned questions to go in there with. And so I just started going in without a question of any kind just to see what would come up. And sure enough, something always does. Something comes up because something is always coming up. And the discernment is, is this the one I want to bring up?

[33:36]

Is this the concern? right now. And usually whatever came up, if it wasn't the concern itself, it was like bait for the concern. That concern was just waiting to come up from a little deeper down. And sure enough, that's what would happen. And I'd have the great privilege of being able to talk that through with someone I respect who could give me another point of view, another straw. My teacher has a straw too. So we get to look at each other through our straws and share. our mutual assistance to each other. So, you know, every time we're asked the question, where are you from? You know, the answer is going to be something quite unique. Like, I'm in the kitchen, or I'm on the couch, or I'm out in the yard, or I'm driving to work, and so on. There's no I, there's no permanent I that's always some place. You know, it kind of feels like we're here. I'm always here. You know, but actually, I am always somewhere else.

[34:36]

I mean, I'm here, but it's always changing. It's always something fresh and new. It's always brand new. So each moment, we're only seeing part of the world. We don't see the whole world. And it's this partiality that is our delusion. There's no fault. It's nobody's fault that we're limited in our view. But if we don't know that, then there's fault arises from ignorance. Not knowing that we're limited, that we don't know. And we don't know a lot more than we know. I was telling... Karina the other day that the first time I experienced a young doctor. So for many years, the doctors I saw when I was a kid were pretty much old guys in white coats and very kind. And some of them are white haired and very confident. And I liked that. I liked having old guys in white coats being very confident because then I felt like they knew what they were saying about my health and what might be wrong with me. And then I don't know when it was, probably, I don't know.

[35:41]

I have no idea how to measure time anymore. But I was probably in my 30s, and this young woman came into the room who was younger than me, and she was the doctor. And she said, after she looked at my stuff, she said, I really don't know what's going on, you know? And I was like, what? Excuse me? If you don't know, who's going to know? She said, but why don't we take some tests and, you know, try a few things and see how that works out. And then I'll check back with you and see if that's working. And, you know, and I was like, it was really disconcerting. Except at the same time, it was thrilling. Because somehow I knew it was like kind of like the facts of life. I knew she didn't know. And I kind of know now that nobody knew really for sure what they were telling me. That confidence was just kind of an overlay. of a good guess. Let me see if I can make a good guess here about what's going on. So, you know, we make our best guess, and that's okay, but I'd rather know it was a guess than to think it was a fact.

[36:45]

And I think that's the kind of part of the point is that we're willing to offer our help, but it's always with this kind of unconditional. I'm not adding to it that this is true or that I know. It's just like, well, this is what I think or this is what I've got. right now, and you're welcome to have it. I'm happy to share it with you. So our sitting practice is to let go of doubts that we are in fact complete, that we are complete, that we are Buddha, and that this is it, and to sit upright or stand upright and walk upright on the basis of this wondrous dharma, the myoho, and that reality includes our delusions. As I was just saying, the kinds of delusions that we're all familiar with. Like, I know. That's a big one. And they know, or he knows, or she knows, or whatever. So this is the wondrous dharma that includes our confusion, our delusion, and then also is able to penetrate through the cloud, this cloud, and to see the light, you know, and to enjoy it.

[37:55]

Enjoy the fact that, oh, it's a delusion. I just fell for the delusion. It's something very wonderful in that moment of liberation. So this practice, this practice that includes everything, goes on forever. It's been going on forever. We just happened to show up a little while ago, and it will go on forever. And we just keep returning, just return, just return to the present moment, to the big, big, fat present moment, you know. Wherever you are, just return to being where you are. Return to being Buddha by letting go of limited views and including memory and consciousness and everything that seems outside of yourself. That's what you can let go of. No, I don't need that. I don't need that. I don't need that. So only when we practice in this way are we free from the limitations of our individuality. What makes our individuality is what needs to be seen through so that we have that greater sense of this mutual support.

[39:02]

I'm not by myself. I can't do this by myself. I need help. I need others. Are you there? Are you there? Are we together? So that's so important for us to know that we're not alone. And we're not. But knowing that and seeing that is just a step. into sexually experiencing that or realizing that. Okamura says that our Zazen is anyuttara samyak sambodhi, the full, complete, perfect enlightenment of the Buddha, and that is what is being transmitted. So again, the two words he pulled out of the Dogen paragraph is transmission and wondrous dharma. So what's transmitted is the wondrous dharma. So this full, complete, perfect enlightenment of the Buddha, is what's being transmitted and nothing else, that's all. So tanden means, just Japanese word, tanden for transmission means only or one, simply, simply transmitted, you know, just one, just one transmission of the wondrous dharma, of the whole works, of the entirety, you know, of the greatness of reality itself.

[40:17]

You can't miss. Here's your present. I'm going to transmit this to you, and you're going to transmit it to me. And this is the great joy of our practice together. So right now, from me to you, and from you to me, and to each of you, to everyone else, you know, it's just popcorn. It's just popcorn. We're all setting each other off in this kind of liberative, explosive liberation. And yet, no matter how it may seem, this transmission only takes place between one person and another. So this is something very hard for me to keep in mind. Like, for example, when I give a talk, I know that I'm only talking to one other person. Even though there's a lot of persons in the room, there's all these persons in the room, there's just one other person. Like when someone's talking, I know I'm receiving. I'm just this one person receiving this conversation this concert, like this concert is for me, you know, or this poetry reading is for me, because I'm there receiving it, you know, just me.

[41:24]

And so there is just this one person to one person, you know, it doesn't look that way. And because it doesn't look that way, it's much more intimidating. You know, I remember the first time I gave a lecture at Gringold, just memorable because it was memorable to be giving a lecture. And I, I, And inadvertently I began and I said something in the beginning that was funny. And the people in the room laughed. And it was so extraordinary because the whole room went whoop. It was like this room full of people. I kind of laughed and sort of a little bump in reality. And I almost stopped talking to you. Well, that's enough. I mean that sort of blows me away. So this dynamic between ourselves and others is very curious and is very worthy of our continuing exploration. Fascinating.

[42:28]

So it's just one person to one person, which I don't have a problem with. It's very easy talking with one other person. So it's one-on-one. We call it face-to-face transmission or mind-to-mind transmission. And... Those persons who are meeting by virtue of their very own nature are Buddha. It's Buddha meeting Buddha. Buddha nature meeting Buddha nature. So one person to one person is always Buddha and a Buddha, a Buddha and a Buddha, an awakened being, an awakened being coming into contact, transmission of myoho, of the wondrous dharma. Okamura Roshi says that another connotation of this word... transmission, tanden, is that the person who transmits and the person who receives the transmission, so both the teacher and the disciple, are one. They're not separate persons. They're not two people there. This doesn't ever work like that. It's always together.

[43:29]

It's always completely together, completely merged in realization. So this dharma being transmitted is not substantial like words in a book or like ritual objects. You know, I can't give myoho. You can't give it. You can't transmit it as the way you would a bell or a telephone or something like that. What is transmitted is this wondrous, ineffable, ungraspable and weird dharma. The reality that includes all of our delusions. That's what's transmitted. That's why it's just so joyful because you get that. You begin to see that. I'm not doing this. I can't make this happen. This is this gift that's been given to us through this tradition that came down from a young guy, young man sitting under a tree and catching on to the great miraculous wonder of life itself and having enough wisdom to be able to explain it to others, to pass it on.

[44:37]

So he transmitted, Shakyamuni Buddha transmitted what he'd saw. And how did he do that? Remember how he did that with Mahakashapa? He just picked up a flower and twirled it. This is Mioho, wondrous, weird transmission to Mahakashapa who faintly smiled He received it and gave it. He gave it, giving and receiving it, like one word, this face-to-face. And so, you know, and again, to say again and again, it includes our delusions, and yet these very delusions that we use to create the human world, although they are included in myoho, aren't real. They're not real. So they're pretty much like phantoms or ghosts that appear and disappear moment after moment. That's what our delusional thinking is like. They're just ghosts. I mean, can't you see that? Can you feel that? You know how they're just kind of running around in your head and saying odd things?

[45:39]

You know, these weird kind of transmissions of words, sentences, thoughts, memories. It's just like, you know. So our job as students of the Dharma is to recognize the ghost-like nature of our delusions and let them pass through. Just as ghosts do, they go right through the walls. No problem. And in that way, maybe they'll find something more interesting to do and continue haunting us. So my therapist once said to me, when I brought to him my current disturbance, some disturbance, usually about somebody at Green Gulch, I was having difficulties with. The Buddha to Buddha thing was there was a little bit of a catch happening in there, a little bit of a crinkle in our transmission with each other. So I was... complaining about somebody to my therapist. And he brought up this wonderful character from The Wizard of Oz, Glenda the Good. If you remember Glenda the Good, she arrives right after Dorothy's house has landed on the old witch.

[46:45]

Glenda the Good arrives in her pink bubble, in her pink dress, kind of like Barbie. And she's got a little magic wand. And the other sister, the other... evil witch has shown up and she's going to get Dorothy. You killed my sister. And Dorothy's like, my God, what have I done? And Glenda the Good waves her wand at this other evil witch and she says, be gone. You have no power here. Be gone. You have no power here. So I think that's how we relate to these phantoms, these ghosts that are passing through us. They come and they go. And when they're bothering us, just be gone. You have no power here. As the Buddha said, whatever arises in my mind, whatever pain arises in my mind, I will not let it take over. I won't let it dominate my mind. Whatever pain, whatever pleasure, I won't let it take over my mind.

[47:50]

You know, be gone. You have no power here. I'm just sitting upright and peacefully in the midst of this confusion and these flames of delusional thinking and so on. I'm just going to stay here. It's kind of quiet, still space in the middle. Kind of like this place in the middle of the record. You know, the record goes around and around. But that little thing that sticks up, it doesn't move. Just the record goes around and around. So that's sort of like the Buddha just sitting there at the center, you know, patiently and awake, aware of the turmoil that's going on around them. So next week I'm going to introduce some material from a text that I used quite a lot when we were looking at the Fukanzazengi. It's this really amazing book by Hee Jin Kim. It's H-E-E-J-I-N-K-I-M. And every time I read Dr. Kim, I'm just grateful. And so it's a little bit of a tough read because he uses everything.

[48:55]

He's got so much to say and he says it so well and it's complicated. So it does take time and I do read through it quite a few times to get the juice out of it. But the book is called Dogen on Meditation and Thinking, A Reflection on His View of Zen. So, you know, I think, Kim, I've... I heard other people say that he's really the one. If you want to get a good analysis and help with understanding where Dogen's coming from, that Dr. Kim has done a really great job in helping us to see that. So I'm going to be looking at chapter two of Dogen on Meditation and Thinking, which is about the Bendo Wa. So the first chapter in that book is on the Fukanza Zengi. And then the second chapter is on the Mendo Wah, negotiating the way. So now I would like to offer maybe one or two of you who would like to give a short Way Seeking Mind talk, maybe introduce yourself to... Excuse me a minute.

[50:06]

I have a message coming in from over there. We have some technical difficulties. So if anyone would be willing, and hopefully one of you would, willing to say a little bit about where you are and where you're from, a little bit about your practice, that would be just wonderful. So if you would raise a hand. Great, Helene. I was hoping you might do that. You're such a brave woman. Okay, I'm going to I'm going to bring you in. Spotlight. Spotlight here. Is she there? She is there. In the lower FM. Great. Okay. Great. Thank you, Helene. Well, you're muted, so you're going to have to tell us your story.

[51:10]

No? It doesn't say muted, but is there something funny? Are your volume down or something? Now you're muted. Now you're not. Is that better? Yes, perfect. Yeah, I was plugged into speakers. And anyway, so you can hear me? Is that fine? So we're to start in terms of where I'm from. I live in San Francisco. I started in Philadelphia. I came to California with the big hippie movement of the late 60s. Part of coming to California had to do with my exposure to Herman Hesse's book, Siddhartha, which immediately grabbed my imagination and became...

[52:20]

what I wanted in my life. And I didn't really know how to do anything about that for a long time. But then I went to Shasta Abbey and took the precepts from Kenneth Roshi. And I feel like I had some sort of a conversion experience during that period. It was my first session, and it turned out it was a rohatsu. So it was very intense for me, and I spent a lot of time running around crying. And from there, I went to Aiken Roshi because I was married, and he was a lay master. and it was very... Kenneth Roshi just had her own thing going.

[53:27]

And so we went to study with Aiken Roshi, and that meant that I had some exposure to Rinzai Zen, and I was doing quite successfully, and then my... husband became jealous and we left the Zen center and came to San Francisco where I never really wanted to live but it has worked out okay for me. So I kind of lost my Zen thread when my husband just kind of disconnected after a good number of years of our supporting each other. I had made, he was a professor and used to being correct, and I had made progress in my Koan study, and it was seemingly more than he could deal with.

[54:34]

So, and at that point, I was committed to leaving with him. So I took a long break, and I got into ballet when I was in San Francisco, and I really spent years studying that art form. And then I came back to Zen as a result of my... dear friends passing with whom I had lived for 13 years. And my life was really leveled by that loss. And I just began to think, you know, what is there of me that is mine?

[55:40]

And I looked back and I feel like Zen is one of those things that is authentic for me. Not that I know all that much, but it seems like... Being a Zen student is somehow central to me, to being alive. And even when my dear friend was dying and I was taking care of him, even though I hadn't been sitting or really thinking hard about my practice, I wore my raka silk.

[56:45]

at the whole end period when hospice was involved. So I felt that it was just coming back to me. As soon as one thing goes out, I think it opens a door for something else to come in. And as far as what I'm doing now, besides being really grateful and fortunate to study with Fu and the Sangha around her, I'm also really interested in Okamura Roshi. And I bought his teachers, I've mentioned it before, Opening the Hand of Thought, And one of the things that Uchiyama Roshi says, well, Uchiyama Roshi's teachings came directly out of his life, from his youthful idealism to his early years of poverty, when he learned to digest discouragement.

[58:13]

and turn despair into equanimity, and then to the wisdom of his old age. But I thought it was very, I could really relate to the idea of to digest discouragement, turn despair into equanimity. I can really, that feels like a doorknob. That I could turn. Lovely. Lovely. Thank you. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Okay. Tim. Thank you, Tim. Get you spotlighted here. Oh, I. I think you're less of a mystery to me than I have to perhaps, but I'm a native Californian and grew up in the Bay Area, but have lived all over.

[59:25]

And I encountered Dharma when I was living, was right out of high school, living in Novato and Marin. And there was a bookstore and there was this man who, older much older than i was i i was drawn to him and i one day i asked him there's something really different about you what is it there was something very different about him and he said uh call this phone number he wrote a phone number down and said ask ask about he mispronounced it intentionally vipassana ask about vipassana And I didn't do it. And then several months later, I asked him again about it. And he said, call this number today. They have a retreat starting on Saturday. I knew nothing about it. I mean, it's only my faith in him.

[60:26]

I called. I went to a 10-day retreat. And these Western teachers, Sayaji Ubakin, who was a Burmese teacher, That was 1975. And I went to this 10 day retreat. It was like I was hit by a hundred lightning bolts. I don't know what happened. I didn't understand it. I didn't know why I was experiencing what I was experiencing. I didn't understand what I was experiencing, but it was obviously something remarkably different. then i i started practicing so there were a number of teachers um and so i i would do retreats with them i did retreats with them in europe and um now now we come to this time they're they're all gone uh goinka ruth dennison robert hover a teacher john coleman an american that lived in england

[61:34]

Siama, who is a Burmese teacher, was very grateful to them. But now more recently, I have come to know many of the Thai Forest tradition bhikkhunis who are in monasteries around Northern California. I've become good friends with several of them. And somewhere in the middle of all that, I thought, I always wanted to go to Green Gulch. It just struck me as a really beautiful place. And I read about this teacher. I said, you know, I really want, there's something about this teacher. I want to go and hear this teacher speak. And that would be you. And that's my, I feel that connection with you and with Aya Nanda Bodhi. the Welsh, trained in England, Ayasanta Citta, who has a little monastery in San Rafael.

[62:38]

The Bhikkhunis here, they're actually in Sunnyvale in Santa Cruz. And then Bhikkhu Bodhi came into the mix because you can just, he's an upstate in New York, but you can just like talk to him, which is kind of cool. And so you and others are, I feel like I'm walking i was thinking of the metaphor for this like i'm walking in a pitch black cave and and three-dimensional quicksand quicksilver like nothing solid everything's moving the floor the walls you know the ceiling but there are these bright candles around me and i walk towards the candle and that just makes it all so much better to be able to interact with people like yourself and the Ayahs of Kabodi. And it somehow, it helps put everything, it puts all the quicksand into perspective.

[63:46]

Walking in the pitch. I'm not walking in the pitch dark alone. There are others with me and it makes it much easier. And particularly you, I just find that... I was trained in this Theravadan tradition and various meditation practices, but we've talked about before it's one Dharma. Today, what you're talking about, it's so clear, insightful, impactful, immediately useful in my day-to-day experience. I can't express my gratitude for You're what you've invested in all of us and part of this community. So I'm happy to be part of the extended Green Gulch community along with all the other communities. And thank you so much. Thank you, Tim. There's another candle in that cave.

[64:49]

You're a very bright candle. You're another candle in that cave, Tim. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Like you've talked about many times, it would be very, very, very difficult to do this alone, if not impossible. So, yeah, I appreciate everyone that comes to your talks at Green Gulch and, you know, Biccobody's community and all. I mean, it's really pretty remarkable, even though many people, I've never met them in person, but I feel that... strong connection with them and their practice. It's helping my practice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine too. Thank you so much. Thank you. Maybe uno más? I've been studying Spanish, so I try it out every now and then.

[65:55]

My partner and I are going to travel to Mexico. I haven't done any traveling for so long. So in about two weeks from now, we're going to be in Oaxaca. So I'm kind of like a little kid. I'm feeling very excited and trying to learn a few phrases. Anyway, that's another sidebar. Mary Joy, please. Welcome. Let me spotlight you here. Oh, where'd you go? No, I'm here. I'm here. Where are you? But I don't see you. Let's see. Oh, my gosh. Oh, there you are. I got a spotlight. There you are. There you are. There I am. Excellent. Now I can lower my hand. Okay. Hi. Hello. I am sitting right now in the historic bed of the Santa Cruz River where 4,000 years ago the Hohokam people had agriculture here. It's now the floodplain. The river has been channelized. The city name now is Tucson, Tucson, Tucson, Arizona.

[67:00]

I was in Mexico yesterday for Independencia. And what an activity that I practice here two or three times a week is I go with a group of people. I don't go by myself. We drive along the border wall and we offer food, water, shoes, casatines, socks, and meat. people who are on the other side going to come and cross, people who have crossed and want to turn themselves into Border Patrol. That's pretty much what you see on the wall. I also hike in deeper, and that's when you find the people who are trying to sneak in, you know, come in without official recognition. We also, the group also will go out and where corpses have been found, we go and put a cross there, and the cross has no name on it, just a red dot. a ceramic red dot, so that when the wood rots, the dot will just mark that life in the desert.

[68:03]

That's a major part of my practice right now, doing that. I also sit Zazen. I first sat Zazen. Norman Fisher was on my second retreat. It wasn't technically a Zen retreat, but... But I used to sit at Berkeley Zen Center 10, 12 years ago. And now I travel. I'm in Tucson for as long as I'm going to be in Tucson. And I was in Austin, and I really loved Austin Zen Center. So that's where I'm from. Yeah, many places. Thank you for your work, your wonderful work in helping people. thank you everyone all three of you and the rest of you for for being here and um maybe uh that might be enough for today so uh next week i'll ask if offer a few more opportunities for you all to to speak to give away seeking uh invitation or an introduction of yourself and um if you'd like to

[69:24]

unmute and say good night. You're welcome to do that right now. Thank you so much. Good night. Thank you. Good morning. Bye, everyone. Have a great week. Before you jump away, oh, too late. I wanted to introduce James. James, welcome, James. James has got a little square waving down there. He was in our retreat. He joined our sangha at Tassajara when we were doing Sangha Week. So nice to see you, James. I'm glad you came. Welcome. Thank you. Hi, James. Hi. Welcome, James. Happy to see you here. I can't see you this time. I'm driving right now, but I'm happy to hear you, and I'm sure I'll see you next week. So welcome. Yeah, thanks, Keith. It's good to see you, hear you again. That's great. Yeah. Have a great week, everyone.

[70:27]

You too, Keith. Drive care. Bye-bye. Good seeing you all. Take good care. Bye, everyone. Bye-bye.

[70:39]

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